Chapter 2 – No Sleep Found

Thanks a lot to my beta-readers, Orodruin and Duchess_Of_Arcadia, for correcting my mistakes.

I’m not a native speaker of English!

Chapter 2 – No Sleep Found

The Great Hall was full of students when the five friends arrived, all chatting happily; many greeted Harry and patted his shoulder. They met Dean and Seamus and sat down together.

Harry winced when two hands were placed on his shoulders; bad memories about his Uncle grabbing him from behind, shoving him in a corner to beat him came to mind.

“A little touchy today?” Fred asked.

“I just didn’t hear you,” Harry said. “Where have you been? I thought we would meet on the train.”

“Sorry, Harry. We were working on something new, you know?” George leaned closer. “Nothing that our little brother should know about,” he whispered into Harry’s ear.

“Come on, Fred. Dumbledore is already looking around. I’m sure he will start his little speech soon.” With that George dragged his brother off with him. Over his shoulder he shouted to Harry, “We’ll see you later.”

Slowly all the students were seated at their tables, and Harry looked at the high table where the teachers sat. The curse on the DADA class was obviously broken because Professor Moody was sitting amongst the teachers, and Professor Lupin was smiling in Harry’s direction as he nodded his head at him. Professor Lupin and Professor Moody had taken over the DADA class the year before when Lockhart ran away to avoid the battle. Harry wished they had come earlier because they were much better teachers compared to the spineless Lockhart. They complemented one another perfectly. Lupin always calm and understanding while Moody made sure that everyone took the class as seriously as they should.

Remus was not only a teacher to Harry; he was a good friend of his parents and now of Harry’s as well. But with the battle and all of the celebrating, Harry hadn’t much time to speak with him.

Harry grinned and waved back to his greeting. Then his gaze fell on Professor Dumbledore, who calmly looked out at the student body. Next to him sat Professor Snape, who was occupied with his wife at the moment. Professor Dumbledore-Snape sat on his other side, smiling warmly about something Professor Snape must have just said to her. They both looked very happy and relaxed. They must have enjoyed their first holiday without spying on the Dark Lord, Harry thought.

It became more and more obvious to Harry that almost everyone was much more cheerful this year, except for himself.

Come on, you’re back at school. Start being happy like everyone else, Harry ordered himself. But the heavy feeling in his chest didn’t vanish. Harry sighed. I wonder if I’ll ever be happy again.

When Dumbledore stood up the hall went silent. His normal greeting speech was spiked with happy comments about the new happiness and the victorious defeat of the Dark Lord. Like he’d done at the end of their last year, he again ordered the students to support those who had lost someone in the war, no matter which side they had been on.

Professor McGonagall then led the first years into the hall. They were sorted into the four houses, and the delicious food appeared and everyone dug in.

Harry was overwhelmed by the amount of food. His stomach rumbled in pleasant anticipation, and he ate as much as he could. To his surprise, that wasn’t much. Shortly after he started to eat, his stomach ached, and he had to stop eating.

“What’s wrong, Harry? Aren’t you hungry?” Hermione asked worriedly as he pushed away his plate, still piled with food.

“Not really. I’m tired from the trip, I guess. I think I’ll leave for the dormitory and lie down,” he stated, standing up. The Glamour Charm was weakening him, and he was very tired.

He left the hall without a backward glance and missed the suspicious glances aimed at him from Professor Snape and his wife.

A shower was still necessary because Uncle Vernon only allowed him one shower a week, and he was starting to smell again. Even with nobody else in the room, he didn’t dare let his Glamour Charm down. He feared someone could walk in on him and see his wounds. When he had finished his shower, he lay down in his bed, exhausted.

Damn, when I go to sleep the charm will wear off. So he stood up again and drew the curtains around his bed. I hope Ron won’t try to look in.

Even though he was tired, Harry couldn’t sleep. The others came in shortly after he went to bed and were happily chatting.

“Harry? Harry? Are you still awake?” He could hear Ron’s voice through his curtains. But Harry didn’t answer.

He didn’t feel like talking. The heavy feeling in his chest increased, and he just wanted to be alone. He had the feeling that everyone around him was happy and he was the only one who couldn’t be.

His thoughts wandered to Uncle Vernon and the cold and uncaring behaviour of his aunt over the whole summer. She wasn’t interested in what Vernon did to him. She was only worried I’d spoil her furniture or carpet by bleeding, Harry thought bitterly.

Dudley had made himself scarce. Maybe he thought what they did to Harry wasn’t right, but he wasn’t strong enough to tell his parents. More than once Harry had thought Dudley looked guilty or ashamed when Vernon beat him or locked him in his cupboard without dinner. Sometimes he’d found a bar of chocolate pushed under the door when Vernon had him locked away for longer than usual. Dudley had never admitted to doing so, but who else could it have been?

Harry rolled from one side to the other. Why can’t I sleep? This is ridiculous. Now, when I have the time and feel safe enough to sleep, I can’t fall asleep, Harry thought angrily. That’s not fair.

Nothing he tried worked. He only slept for about two hours that night and got up around five o’clock. All the other students were still sleeping, so he had the bathroom to himself again. After checking three times that nobody would walk in on him in the bathroom, he let the Glamour Charm down to examine his face.

I look horrible. If I don’t get some sleep soon, I might not be able to hold up the Glamour Charm any longer. He splashed cold water on his face and enjoyed the refreshing feeling. But, unable to push off his feelings of paranoia anymore, he put up the charm again, afraid someone would walk in and see him.

After brushing his teeth and making himself fresh, he decided to just sit in the common room and wait for the others to wake up.

Harry stared into the fireplace. I thought I would be happy the moment I boarded the Hogwarts Express or at least when I met my friends. But now I’m here and I just can’t be happy. I get sadder and sadder when I see all the happy and cheerful people around me.

With his elbows on his knees, he rested his head in his hands. Hermione is already suspicious. How can I avoid letting them all realize that I’m a damn freak who lets his uncle beat him, not a hero.

When the first Gryffindors came down to the common room, Harry went up to his dormitory again.

“Wow, you’re up already?” Ron asked sleepily, still in his bed.

“Yeah, maybe because I went to bed early. You should get ready so we can go down for breakfast.”

Ron swung his long legs over the bedside and mockingly said, “Yes, mother!”