Chapter 14

As a person who has and still is struggling with recurrent major depression, I know all the cognitive distortions that a woman can have, who then resorts to cutting.  Snapey is Forever My Prince, but his hostility and loathing towards Hermione makes me wanna get Medieval on his Hiney ~ the utter bastard he's being. Hypocrite too,knowing that all that bile should be self directed. 

Thank you for your note at the beginning of this chapter.  When I was not so much younger than I am now I cut myself to release the 'pain' I was feeling.  A combination of childhood trauma and abuse (mental) and frustrations with education and career had choices eventually drove me to do it on occasion throughout my life.  You described the feelings that would drive a person to this sort of behavior perfectly in the previous chapter.  I have friends who find cutters disgusting and I speak only to explain that sometimes people are driven nearly out of their mind with despondency.  I hope your readers can try to understand that mental illness is not disgusting but something that must be accepted and understood in order to help those in need.

Oh god.  I didn't notice the author's name.  I'm sorry if I've disturbed anyone.
Rest in peace Livvy.

Oh god.  I didn't notice the author's name.  I'm sorry if I've disturbed anyone.
Rest in peace Livvy.

Thank you for your note at the beginning of this chapter.  When I was not so much younger than I am now I cut myself to release the 'pain' I was feeling.  A combination of childhood trauma and abuse (mental) and frustrations with education and career had choices eventually drove me to do it on occasion throughout my life.  You described the feelings that would drive a person to this sort of behavior perfectly in the previous chapter.  I have friends who find cutters disgusting and I speak only to explain that sometimes people are driven nearly out of their mind with despondency.  I hope your readers can try to understand that mental illness is not disgusting but something that must be accepted and understood in order to help those in need.

Lovely well written. So,so much emotion abounding is this. I cried for all Hermione went through, both the good and the bad. A very touchy subject handled very well.

This would be an EXCELLENT story if not for the 'she luuuuuurvs him' aspect.  A teenager may fancy a teacher, but 'love' comes from a reciprical relationship.  This ship uses this trope ad naseum, and it's ridiculous.  And she now still has feelings for him, even after all this?  After he has shown himself to be a callous son of a bitch?  I can't buy into it. 

I really wanted to like this story, I really did.  There are brilliant aspects.  But now this is just a huge cliche-fest.  She still loves him, he loves her, oh joy the world is rosy again!  Ugh.  Please.  After what he put her through she wouldn't be able to stand the sight of him, never mind still 'love' him or allow him to touch her.  And Snape.....I'm just shaking my head.  Poor, lonely, misunderstood Snape, huh?  And now he 'loves' Hermione???  I'm guessing you're either very young or you prefer the Harlequin Romance type of stories.  There was so much potential in this story.

I don't usually read SS/HG stories, and I don't usually read stories this OOC, but I just wanted to comment - that even if Hermione wasn't completely raped (the act of intercourse did not occur with a man) - the damage emotionally from what DID happen to her is tremendous - and she may as well have been raped by every person there - especially Bella - something like that does not just shake somone up - something like that first chapter would make someone suicidal.

I think my biggest problem with this story, thus far, is how insignificant the first chapter's events has been recieved by the professors - Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick - and who ever might know of the event - are all canny people - they're also old enough to know such horrors - what happened to Hermione is torturous, and for her to just "go back to classes" after a few days - is bizzare enough, but without any other help than a pat on the shoulder and a few kind words from Dumbles or her head of house - that to me, seems really bizzare.

If this situation happened today, in my world, to an 18-year old woman - she'd be placed on leave from school/work and likely put on suicide watch as well as immediatly put into counseling. This is a very close subject for me (sexual abuse) and it bothers me to see it written so casually - or the reaction of Hermione's "allies" at least.

Hermione hurting herself was very disturbing and I wanted to strangle Snape for doing that to her!!! She had to almost die for him to finaly admit his feelings! But I'm glad it worked.

I just hope she won't do that whenever she'll feel down...it wouldn't be fair to her or her loved ones..or it can became a sort of blackmail if she won't be carefull..do as I say or I'll cut myself...

He broke her and then he put her together again...they were lucky, some are not so fortunate. I'm glad they ended up together.

Great story. Thank you.

How did Harry get everyone out of the infirmary so that he could be with Ginny? 

Ginny was so brave! And so was Harry. Will Dumbledore stop using Severus and Harry now? Can the at last have some small amount of peace?

Thank you for having Severus prepare Ginny. I was worried. He really is a Master Spy. She did better than I expected. Poor Lucius. He is in sooooo much trouble.

I don't feel like Ginny has been given enough preparation for this "bargining" tonight. She's just a lamb. I hope the Molly in her comes out. She needs the Molly Weasely strength but the subtlety of a Slytherin. She isn't recieving much emotional support for this terrifying event. I am hoping Minerva can help her until it's time to go with Lucius. If she is smart and careful, she might be able to get information from Lucius that will help her. She hasn't been told there will be healers there to make sure she is fertile.  Now, Hermione needs to learn to trust Severus. She seems more infatuated than truely in love. Does she really want all of him or does she just want to be desired by him?  She's afraid of him. How can she truely love him, give him her heart and be afraid of him at the same time?  He needs her heart as much as she needs his. He is only human. He is a man with many insecurities. Does she realize this? Without giving away whom it was, it might help her to know a little bit of his story with Lily. I think since Dumbledore is happy to meddle for the greater good, it would be good for him to give Hermione a little bit of sympathy for his scorned heart in the past and why he had been so afraid to give it again. She has no appreciation for what a leap into the flames he has taken when he declared his love for her. I feel she is only thinking of his power to hurt her. She really needs more imformation to understand how fragile he is and her power over him.

Expert story weaving, that! It must have been difficult to write this chapter without it being salaciously creepy. I hope Hermione understands what he has told her about dark magic. Harry did very well. Your Harry is the Harry I shall always think of from now on. I really like this Harry. Poor Ginny. This isn't over for her. She will be used for the greater good just like Severus and Harry have been and shall be still. Our Hermione is so young. I know she and Severus belong together, but he may be more than she is mature enough for. Her imaturity prevents her from being able to comprehend what a powerful, dark and complex man she is in love with and also happens to worship her. She needs to accept that though he has chosen the light, he is a dark wizard with a great deal more life experience than she has had. Severus Snape comes with a lot of baggage. She needs to come to grips with that if they are to have a successful relationship. There are sides to him that are down right scary. He would be a lot to handle for any woman. While she needn't allow him to be purposely cruel to her, she needs to have some understanding for the horrors he has faced and the horrible things he has been compelled to do for the greater good. She needs to be willing to take the whole package without judging him. While it isn't an excuse to hurt her, his life really has sucked!  He could use a little TLC himself.

Bless his heart. I hope she tells him that he means as much to her as she does to him.  He deserves to be rewarded with loving words to match his own.

I don't know what to say. So many people missing so many opportunities to spare another from pain. I was a little surprised when Snape left her crying there. I thought he would rise to the occation and tell her he loved her, but I underestimated how much his own lack of selfworth still controled him. Stupid man...I say that with a certain amount of fondness. I'm not angry at him, just shaking my head at how stupid men can be when it comes to women's emotional needs. I know he never meant to hurt her when he left her there. But in his heart he knew what she needed and he couldn't gather the courage to do it. Just being a stupid man. "Although we adore them individually, as a group you must agree their rather stupid." (a line from a song in Disney's Mary Poppins) Couldn't Minerva have given him some gentle advice before she sent Hermione down there? Given in the right way, I believe he would have listened. I suppose she has no idea he's in love with Hermione. But Albus knows. Couldn't Albus have shared that information in confidence with Minerva? Even with all her proper ways, taken in context, she would have been better prepared to help both Hermione and Severus if she knew. And had Albus not told Severus not to let Hermione know he was watching over her at all. He didn't leave any opening for Severus to tell Hermione how much he cared for her.

I suppose he thinks it is unethical to tell her how he really feels about her, a student. But this is not a normal situation and her life depends on it. He needs to tell her how he really feels about her and why he was so cruel. He needs to hold her and let her cry while he whispers how precious she is to him into her ear. He may as well give them both permission to fall in love with the condition that nothing can come of it until she is of age. I know he thinks his reputation will sully her, but can't he see that she only cares what he thinks and not what anyone else thinks? They need each other. 

It's about time Dumbledore came to his senses somewhat. I can't imagine what will come of Severus watching over her but not speaking to her. I think it would help Hermione at some point soon, if Dumbledore talks to her about Severus' feelings for her. Not to ask her to forgive Severus but to help her understand why he had been so horribly cruel to her. She needs to know in order to heal. She needs to know he never thought any of those things about her in reality. 

I've never approved of the way the children are always sent back to their dorms after frightening or traumatic events without first having the opportunity to decompress with an adult. The girls need to be taken back to Minerva's office, given tea and have a chance to express their fears and anger. They need to recieve councel and comfort from their head of house. I also hope they will all keep quiet and not tell the rest of the student body about what Hermione has done to herself. I am hoping Ginny makes sure Parvati and Lavander keep this between themselves. Ron and Harry don't need the gory details either. Ginny has her experience with Tom Riddle as reference. To my knowledge, no one ever helped Ginny cope with that trauma. What can I say for Severus. I'm glad Dumbledore had the wisdom to let him heal Hermione. I suppose he thinks Severus is getting what he deserves when it comes to Ginny being his enemy. If I was Poppy I'd be pissed too. I don't think she was told the extent to which Severus has already seen Hermione nude. It isn't very fair to her if Dumbledore doesn't give her more information so that she knows what she's dealing with. 

Lycanthropy!  That is how clueless Severus is regardig the power of his words to wound one Hermione Jane Granger.  I wish he'd use ligilimense on her and see what damage he is doing. I know he knows he's a total bastard, but with a self image no better than Hermione's he can't imagine she would care so much more about what he thought about her than she did anyone else.  If he knew the damage he was doing, I think he would stop. His hatred toward her is his armor. When he finds out, if he finds out, Hell, next thing you know, he might be cutting himself for doing that to her. Why has Dumbledore instisited no one speak of that evening? Why doesn't he see that people need to decompress after such an event. I understand his desire to stop possible gossip through the student body. But, he obviously expects Hermione just to stuff it all down and forget about it, like Ginny with Tom Riddle. Is that what Dumbledore does with his pain? I find denial to be very helpful. But somtimes it does affect my functioning. I sleep too much and avoid things. Denial I guess, is my drug of choice. "Prentend it isn't real and it never really happened." "Hurry think of something else that can't hurt you as fast as possible. Just change the channel" "Go to sleep and don't think. Just put the pillow over your head and think about make belive things that don't hurt you because they aren't real."

I agree this behavior is very in character for Hermione. I can even see where it could make perfect sense to her, even though I've never known much about self mutilation other than it exists. I've never given it any thought before, but I could totally see something like this happening to Hermione. Dumbledore is canny enough to see there is more to Snape's vitrol toward Hermione than meets the eye. I hope it occurs to him that Severus doth protest too much. There are also other pieces to the puzzle that is Snape that I would hope he would notice. Dumbledore must have been at least a little bit surprised that he would give away his cover to protect Hermione's honor.  He knows he's required Severus to hurt innocent people before and Snape has complied. What was different this time, that she was a student and an Order member? Would he expect Severus to blow his cover for any student or Order member?  He wasn't being asked to kill her.  Also, he knows Snape is immature socially. When I was a girl in elementary school, if a boy liked a girl he often teased her mercilessly and was overtly mean to her.  Does Dumbledore recognize this immature brand of infatuation; his students are usually old enough to be past that stage? Does he even care enough about Severus Snape to see he is being emotionally self distructive not only distructive toward Hermione? Has he already given Severus up as someone who is dispensible "for the sake of the greater good" and therefore, divorced himself from too much emotional attachment to Snape? He did say he had other spies. On the Hermione side of things, I am a bit surprised that Poppy didn't run any diagnostic spells on Hermione no matter how much she would never suspect her of lying. Hermione could tell her that her periods have been very heavy, irregular and unusually frequent and that is why she is anemic. If she were thinking straight, this might be a good way to perhaps get ahold of blood replenishing potion. If she hasn't over taxed her magicall abilities too far, I would think she might consider putting a glamor on her injuries in the future, in case Poppy wants to examine her. Since it wouldn't be something she would expect from Hermione, Poppy might not notice. But like any self distructive addiction, people do get sloppy when they have lost perspective and the normal instinct for self preservation. She is now in an abnormal self preserving mode. I wouldn't expect her to be reasoning as well as she normally would.

"I have endured more tortures and humiliations than that-swot-could ever imagine, and you are worried about her feelings being hurt?" If only Dumbledore had been as concerned for Severus' feelings back when he was a student and was ridiculed and abused by Dumbledore's Gryffindors. Does he know how his own mean and careless attitude when Severus had been through his own "harrowing ordeal", having almost been killed by a werewolf purposely set upon him by other studants, affected the very fabric of who Severus Snape was so much that he would join Voldemort? Dumbledore is a hypocrite. Are Albus or Minerva fretting over Severus' pain from the dark mark? I am sorry for Hermione, but I am just as sorry for Severus. How could he help but to UNDERESTIMATE his ability to wound with words? Shame on you Dumbledore. If he is so worried about Hermione's reaction to Severus' words, why didn't he try to mitigate the damage by helping her understand some things about the man and why he would be such a verbally cruel person in order to take some of the sting away?

Damn frustrating. Both love the other and they are each so afraid that they each stop just before the other is convinced it is real. They give enough to stir the heart but never enough to fill the emptyness. One of them is going to have to take a leap of faith and throw themself on the fire. Severus tried. He really tried. I hope she thinks it through an believes him. 

Forgive me. I normally don't read dark fics. I read only SS/HG fan fiction for the most part and this is my way to escape the darkness in real life, so I had to read the last chapter before I decided if I could read this story. I saw there were so many who had made it a favorite. I'm glad I did. This will be a wonderful story, I can tell from all of the reviews. Knowing there is hope will help make the dark places more barable. And so it begins.