Chapter 9

A/N: I can't tell you all enough how incredible it has been reading the reviews you all have sent. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Also, my deepest gratitude to Shellsnapeluver, who has worked tirelessly to help me with writing this fic.

***

There was an incredible silence after Ginny stormed out of the office.

"Did you all see that?" said Lupin in a shocked voice as he looked at the others. "She was untouchable!"

Dumbledore spoke up. "It's Voldemort. He has a hold on her and has been drawing her into himself, and she has drawn him into herself in return. I've been feeling a change in the magic around the castle. Now we know where it all is concentrated. Something will have to be done," he said darkly as his sat down looking deep in thought.

"So, this entire time Severus was out there it was all just a game for Voldemort?" whispered Lupin.

Snape thought he was going to be ill. "This is a nightmare," he whispered as he looked down at his hands, motionless on his thighs.

Dumbledore spoke again. "Drastic actions will have to be taken. We must sequester Miss Weasley immediately. She will have to leave Hogwarts, and she will no longer be able to go to Grimmauld Place, nor will she be able to speak with Harry or anyone else in the Order. She may have to even be separated from her family," he said weakly.

Harry tried to argue on Ginny's behalf, but Dumbledore raised his hand. "Harry, Ginny is not safe. She is now another weapon of Tom's. She is not at fault. She has been used desperately and viciously without any real knowledge on her part. However, that being said, she did retain this information and did not share it with anyone. Her decision to hold back such vital information shows a lack of judgment, an ability to decipher from what is real and what is false. I do not see Tom stopping now. He has already destroyed any the hope the Order has that Severus could return to his service. How easily Tom could have just eliminated Severus and Miss Granger that terrible night!" He visibly shuddered. "It is just not safe having her near. She must be put away," he said decisively.

Harry looked heart-broken. Snape couldn't believe what was happening. He thought about all the times he had stood in the Dark Lord's presence, working so hard to maintain that fine, thin line between good and evil. They all were shocked and beyond words. Finally, Snape stood and went to leave.

"Severus?" asked Dumbledore.

"I have a great deal of things to do, Headmaster," he said quietly as he walked out the door and headed towards the dungeons.

As Snape walked a thought crossed his mind. If the Dark Lord could create a bond with Miss Weasley, surely there is a way that the tables could be turned on him. Once the dam broke, the Dark Lord would never be able to keep his thoughts to himself. All his secrets, all his plots would be laid bare for Ginny to gain and then for he and Dumbledore to dissect and destroy. It would involve the darkest of magic, Dumbledore might not even approve...but as the Dark Lord had said, he could always appeal to the Greater Good.

He would need an assistant...someone competent and intelligent enough to follow difficult instructions to the letter. He needed someone who would not fight him, who had an understanding of precision, timing and perfection.

He would take on Miss Granger.

Not only would he have the freedom to spend time alone with her to talk with her and hopefully undo the damage he inflicted, but she, in turn, could build her self-esteem by her own work. She could be trusted to handle the simpler work. Hell, he could even make her a true apprentice as they worked on this project! She could grade papers, even teach his first and second-years. She would not accept his words alone, just as his words alone did not start this, but his attitude and actions coupled with his words would make an impression. No, it would have to be the whole package. It would mean spending time alone with her...a lot of time alone with her. This could only be a good thing in his mind. The obstacle was getting her to agree. Oh, he could just tell her to do it, but that would have to be a last resort. She would need to know he wanted her; no one else would do. No one else could do the job. In the meanwhile, he could take the time to prove to her that intelligence could be as equally appealing and arousing to a wizard as looks, and he could slowly show her how desirable she truly is, inside and out.

A smile started to form on his face as he plotted a form of strategy. He could make it up to her and save face at the same time. He would not have to grovel like a fool, and she would recover from this malady. Then, when the time was right, he would have her, make Hermione his own...forever.

***

Hermione had been staying in the infirmary since her breakdown in the Great Hall two days ago. She had felt more humiliated than anything, when Professor McGonagall had told her she was to assist Professor Snape in creating a special potion. She had felt she was going to be ill.

"But Professor, I don't want to be alone with Professor Snape," she had whispered to her.

"Perhaps," she had acquiesced. "However, I doubt the wizard I want ever shall," she had whispered softly as she had looked away towards the window.

***

Hermione slowly walked to the dungeons, replaying the conversation with McGonagall back and forth in her mind. Sadness and fear of being ripped to shreds verbally filled her head and made her feel sick to her stomach. She rapped on the door and waited for the door to open.

"Miss Granger, you know why you are here, correct?" Snape said as soon as she closed the door to his office.

"Professor McGonagall told me you asked for my assistance for a special potion," she said, still standing near the doorway.

"Yes," he said slowly as he walked towards her carefully. "I only asked for you, specifically. I rejected any other possible candidate. In my estimation, you could be the only person here capable to work according to my standards," he said, satisfied with himself.

"I'm flattered, I'm sure," she said with a hint of resentment in her tone. "It's good to know one's purpose in this world. Mine has been made clear to me. It would be a rather shallow existence if I could not at least be counted on in this capacity."

Snape looked at her confused. "Miss Granger, what are you on about?" he said impatiently.

"Never mind," she said dismissively. "It has no bearing to the task at hand. Where do we begin?" she asked.

How indeed, Hermione, he thought ruefully.

He led her into his private Potions lab.

"Miss Granger," he began, "I need for you to take a stool next to me. There are some things you and I need to discuss."

Hermione looked at him unsure of his intent. She sat, and they faced one another. It did not escape her mind that it had been not so long ago when they had worked together comfortably and easily at headquarters. But that was before.

"Miss Granger, Hermione," he whispered.

She looked at him in alarm. He never called her Hermione. Never.

"Miss Weasley revealed some very interesting happenings in the headmaster's office two days ago. She was extremely overwrought and highly upset. Of course, she had every reason to be upset. She confessed that the Dark Lord has been infiltrating her mind for quite some time now."

Hermione's hands flew to her mouth. "I swear, I didn't know!" she exclaimed.

Severus lifted a hand and nodded his head. "I know that. The Order knows as well. No one knew what has occurring between Miss Weasley and the Dark Lord. Apparently, it wasn't until a couple of months before our own... unfortunate experience that he revealed his true nature to her. He threatened the lives of her family if she told anyone of his nightly visits into her mind. So, unwittingly, she was forced to reveal vital pieces of information about the Order, such as my true allegiance. While he was there rummaging around her mind, he targeted Miss Weasley's conversations and interactions with you."

"Me? Why me? She's Harry's girlfriend! Why would he focus on me?" She stopped talking and the realization dawned on her. Voldemort knew she was in love with Professor Snape and how often they had worked together for the Order. She had been right all along...it had been a test! She held a hand over her mouth and averted her eyes from his. She was not going to cry. He knew everything, now. He knew how long she had loved him, that she'd had a crush on him since she was twelve, that when she had been spread naked under his piercing glare, she had been in love with him. Then, when he had said all those horrible, horrible words that shattered her heart, she had still been hoping against hope that he would one day grow to love her.

She got up nervously from her stool, still refusing to look at him. "I-I h-have t-to go," she stuttered as she dashed to grab her bag.

"Hermione," Severus called to her. She tried running, but he had jumped up and grabbed her arm, clutching her to his body.

"Let me go, damn you! Let me go!" she screamed as she fought him.

"Why do you hate me so much?" she wailed, crumbling into his body as she began to sob. "What have I done that has been so horrible that you have to destroy me? This must be such a big laugh for you," she laughed as she spoke. "Poor, swotty, little Miss know-it-all! How could she even dream that Severus Snape could ever care or even think on her! She is so hideous... so ugly." She said the word 'ugly' in a choke that erupted in a complete breakdown, sobbing and screaming, "Are you fucking happy now? Turn me lose, let me be! Just leave me alone!" she screeched.

Snape was at a loss. He let her go, and she cowered into a corner by the door. She sat on the floor, shaking and sobbing as if she were going to die from her anguish.

Snape watched her as she cried. His chest hurt, the urge to comfort her rose up in him, but he didn't know what to do. He was afraid of crying women. They made him feel so helpless and responsible. More than once during his tenure, he had lashed out viciously at his female students for crying in his class.

However, no one was there, just he and Miss Granger, and he had to bring her back from the edge. He had such the reputation of being cold and detached. People thought he was incapable of warm emotions, but it was false. He wanted to kneel down and tell her he never meant it, never meant to hurt her so much, but he couldn't. She hated him, and the very sight of him hurt her. So, he walked out and left her sobbing on the floor.

I didn't mean it, any of it, Hermione. I needed you to hate me, I knew you were feeling something for me, and I couldn't have you hurting. I thought you would hate me and let Potter and Weasley comfort you. I think you are beautiful, he thought to himself as he walked the corridors.

He had no idea where to go. This was too painful. He finally stopped and stepped into an alcove and hid himself from view. His chest hurt. All he could see was Hermione crying and in pain. He sat on the floor with his head in his hands. He cast a Notice-Me-Not Spell around him and let the silent tears fall down his face as he struggled to breath through the crushing pain in his chest.

He began to think of how he would have acted if he hadn't been such a fucking coward. He would have told her she was beautiful, and he would have held her in his arms.

She would have raised her head from his chest as he handed her a handkerchief. She would have said, "You think I'm beautiful?"

He would have confessed, "Hermione, you are beautiful in your mind as well as your sweet face. I am sorry I lied to you and hurt you. You are none of the things I said. Any wizard would be lucky to have you."

He stood up from where he had slumped onto the floor. He slammed his hand against the stone and cursed himself for being so... weak...

***

After Snape had finished sulking in the private alcove, he walked up to the headmaster's office. He was supposed to meet Harry and Lupin to discuss the future of Miss Weasley.

"From what I recall, Harry, your conversation with Tom in the Chamber of Secrets was rather enlightening," Dumbledore mused. "There were some things he had revealed to you about their relationship that struck me as very curious and odd."

Harry looked at him worriedly. "What is it?" he asked as he leaned forward in his chair.

"Tell Severus what Tom told you about Miss Weasley. I think between the both of you, this should be interesting."

Snape mentally rolled his eyes. The old wizard was just leading the boy along with kid gloves. Let's just coddle the boy a little more, shall we? he thought bitterly.

Harry began his tale. "Well, he told me that Ginny really grew to care about him and that he had this power to charm anyone he needed to in order for his own ends. He also said that he was siphoning her power and life force from her..."

"...And he was in turn pouring his own soul's power into her, correct?" interrupted Snape impatiently.

Harry looked at him with wide eyes. "Yes!" he exclaimed. "But how did you know?" he asked confused.

"Since the Dark Lord's rebirth, he has become increasingly maudlin in his more lucid moments. He has spoken about a servant that had been so willing and in love with him; he had found it effortless to overpower her. He said she was still alive. He would talk of how he thought she was, how he imagined he could use her again if he got the chance. He said in his exuberance to get to Potter, he was foolish and underestimated her innate power and he was unable to simply use her without her siphoning his own power. As much as he took from her, she in turn took from him. He said she was a pure-blood and that if he were ever to want to sire an heir, she would be the only vessel he would desire. She was worthy because she had been the easiest to bend to his will and the most receptive to accepting his ways," Snape replied.

"Of course, this is based on snippets of conversations, some in my hearing, some said directly to me, some I overheard being spoken between Death Eaters in the inner circle. However, from what you have said to me, Potter, I am now more convinced than ever that my idea shall work." An evil glint flashed through his eyes.

"What plan, Severus?" Lupin asked suspiciously.

Snape examined his pristine fingernails on his long white hands as he unraveled his plan. "The relationship between Miss Weasley and the Dark Lord is a complicated one. From what I have been able to gather from her experiences coupled with Potter's recalling of the conversation he had with him in the Chamber of Secrets, is that she has come the closest to him as any woman ever has. I'm not saying he loves her, just that he lusts for her. Being the monster that he is, he is incapable of true affection, but lust, desire, and greed...these are things that can be manipulated. He spent a great deal of time in Miss Weasley's mind. He rather enjoyed himself there, and if what Potter said is true, he gave just as much of his power to her as she gave over to him. We are going to manipulate that to our advantage by slipping him Amortentia to drive him to complete his need to have her fully. I shall be manipulating the potion, of course. It is Dark magic, but many things considered Dark magic or Dark Arts are basically everyday spells and potions that have been manipulated towards an evil end with malicious intent. However, we are at war; therefore, the rules change," he said as he smiled slyly at Dumbledore.

Harry and Lupin looked at Dumbledore for confirmation. Severus smirked as he lowered his head. He knew exactly what Potter and Lupin were surely thinking...that surely Dumbledore would not stoop so low as to allow Dark magic to be used! Severus patiently awaited the answer he knew was coming.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and spoke clearly. "We must do this for the Greater Good," he said harshly.

Snape smirked at this remark while inwardly he wanted to vomit. Although, he knew what needed to be done, the hypocritical words of "the Greater Good" gnawed at him. Dumbledore couldn't care less how Severus used his expertise to defeat the Dark Lord. Why Albus felt this need to compulsively consign everything unpleasant upon the elusive "Greater Good" or whatever the hell that was supposed to mean was beyond the dark wizard.

Snape continued. "The plan will be to lure Wormtail out into the open where Potter can take advantage of the life debt owed him. Once he has been terminated, we can harvest his hair and use the Polyjuice Potion to impersonate him. Then the Amortentia can be slipped into the Dark Lord's food or drink. Wormtail spends much time at his master's feet. The impostor can use that opportunity to get the Dark Lord thinking of Miss Weasley again, and he will be compelled to have her near. However, when that time arrives, Miss Weasley will be delivered to him and with simple prodding can persuade him to spill all his secrets. The compulsion and pull of the potion will render him unable to resist her. Since he has already given so much over to her, naturally, she can be the only person who can successfully compel him to talk. We shall gather the knowledge of each Horcrux and destroy them all, leaving Potter free to kill the animal," he said coldly.

"Who shall lure Wormtail into the open?" asked Harry.

"You, of course," replied Snape sharply, irritated at the slowness of his mind. "He owes you a life debt, Potter! You are capable now in your own abilities at persuasion to coerce a weak mind. Wormtail will be more than obliging if he feels his life is on the line. Once that is accomplished and he is disposed of, a suitable replacement will be found," he replied.

"Who?" Lupin asked.

"Me," Snape replied smugly. "Who knows the Dark Lord's domain better than I? Who knows better than I how to act in his presence? Who better than I will be able to suppress thoughts and emotions? If he tries to peer into my mind, I shall be able to pass myself off as the rat."

A sharp knock from the office door interrupted the discussion. Dumbledore let the person enter, and a furious Minerva McGonagall strode in fuming.

"Severus Snape!" she spat. "Would you care to explain why I found Miss Granger on the floor of your office covered in blood?"

The wizards jumped up at once. Harry glared at Snape, fingering his wand gingerly. Lupin saw how dangerous the atmosphere was and forced Harry to meet his stare. "We need to remain calm, right, Harry?" he asked the boy wizard gently.

"How is she, Minerva?" asked Dumbledore gravely.

"It's rather serious," she choked out. Looking closely, they could see her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"She slit her wrists. She is unconscious. Poppy doesn't know if she will survive," she whispered.

FUCK! Why did I leave her? I never should have left her! I should have stayed and held her, told her everything...anything! Snape thought in condemnation.

"Why was I not summoned to her side?" he snarled at Minerva as he strode over to face her.

"What do you fucking care?" Harry swore as he dashed over fast as lightening and thrust his wand into the dark wizard's neck and said, "Boy, this is a laugh! Sirius would be roaring at this. It's all quite ironic, isn't, Professor? So, give me a reason. Give me a reason, and I swear I'll do it!"

Lupin maneuvered over to try and come between the wizards. "Harry, you need to back down," he warned him. "Don't make me hex you."

Harry lowered his wand and stepped back from Snape.

"How can you protect him?" he yelled at Lupin. "He's the reason Hermione might be dying!"

Dumbledore intervened. "Gentlemen, this is not the time! Minerva, is there anything Severus can do to assist Poppy? A special potion?" he asked.

Snape scowled at the old wizard, despising his politeness towards him. He hated it when Dumbledore was so understanding. The next thing, the old man would be giving him love advice and suggest he send her roses! "I am going to the infirmary!" he announced as he swept out the door

He cursed himself over and again as he made his way to Miss Granger's side. He strode into the infirmary, and Poppy tried to stop him.

Severus," she warned as she placed her hands on his shoulders, "she is very weak, so very weak. We've done all we can do now," she said gravely.

Snape looked into Poppy's kind eyes. She knew him better than anybody. She had shown him the most kindness he had ever known. Over the years she had nursed him, knitted his body back together from his beatings, healed horrific wounds, and even in a state of loneliness and grief after Lily died, did not push him away when he kissed her in his pain and sorrow. She had seen him cry and never once made him feel less of a man for it. She was one of a kind...a very special woman. If she had been younger, or if he had been older, perhaps there could have been something more.

Then Hermione had barged into his well-ordered life and had opened the rusted windows behind which he had kept all those feelings of love, need, and desire darkly hidden. Now that she had become dearer to him more than his next breath of air, as far as anyone else knew, he could barely tolerate her.

Snape and Poppy were alone in the infirmary, and Snape let down his guard, closed his eyes, and lowered his head on Poppy's shoulder.

She embraced him and patted him on the back. "What is it, Severus? No one will give me any straight answers! Why does everyone want to blame you for this?" she asked.

He stepped back from her and said painfully, "It's my fault. It's all my fault. She loves me. She loves me, and I was so cruel to her, Poppy. I didn't know I could hurt her so much...but I did. Please let me see her. If only I hadn't been a coward and left her distraught and crying on my lab floor, she wouldn't have done this!"

Once again, Poppy took pity on him and led him to Hermione's bedside. Her wrists were bound tightly; she had done a lot of damage to herself. She was deathly pale. She normally had such a healthy pallor. How long had she been this frail? All that damn make-up, paint, and fancy clothes probably hid how sick she really was. She looked so young for eighteen. She had lost the curves that had been rounding her out, making her womanly and desirable to his eyes, not that her mind hadn't already drawn him into her, wanting to make her his. He was already hers, and that was the truth. Her lips were gray, and it frightened him. What if she never came back to him? What if he never had the chance to tell her how she had chained him to her, and his desire to never be released? He feared for anyone to perceive him as weak and feeling the way he did for her shut out all the joy of knowing he loved this woman, and in its stead magnified the terror of someone finding out and ridiculing him. His pride may have cost him everything he held dear, and the only thing he held dear was she... Hermione.

He sighed and folded his arms across his chest as he watched her chest rise and fall in shallow breaths. He couldn't wait anymore. He would tell her. He'd tell her she owned him; every part of him was hers for the taking. He hadn't belonged to himself for quite a while now. It was time to own the truth and stop hiding behind the fear of weakness.

He conjured a chair and sat next to her, running his fingers through her lifeless hair. She looked so small in the bed.

So fragile.

He had failed her.

Not knowing what else to do, he began talking... confessing everything that was on his mind and in his heart.

"Miss Granger, Hermione, I'm so sorry. I should have comforted you. I think you are so very lovely. I enjoyed working with you last summer. I did notice how much of a woman you were becoming. I never would have dreamed you would care for someone like me. I'm so bitter and hardened; I barely know what love means anymore. But I swear if you wake up, I will learn to show love to you. I will never push you away again. If you only knew how plagued I've been since that night. A part of me wanted you more than anything, but I couldn't do that to you. You deserve better. Please wake up," he begged her.

He looked around and saw that Poppy had disappeared into her office.

He was alone.

He wet his lips and slowly bent over her, kissing her tenderly on hers. She was unresponsive, and he felt sad, having half-hoped that perhaps the Muggle fairy-tale Lily read to him about the Sleeping Beauty would come true if he kissed her. He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair as he knelt down next to her.

He nuzzled her cheek and whispered into her ear all the things he wished he had said to her when she had been crying at his feet. His hand found hers, and he slipped his larger hand underneath her smaller one. Her hand felt good over his. He inhaled her scent. It was a soft and gentle scent, like some kind of powder. She also smelled clean and fresh, despite the harsh Hogwarts soap that lingered on her from Poppy's bathing of her, no doubt. He continued to breathe her in as he rested his head against her shoulder.

"Please wake up, Hermione. Please don't die," he whispered over and over.

"You never deserved this."