Chapter 10

A/N: My deepest gratitude towards my beta, Shellsnapeluver, for her patience and advice. Thank you for all the awesome reviews and please keep them coming! I want to read what you think!

***

When Hermione awoke, she was greeted with smiling faces all around her. She smiled weakly in return. Each person made their greetings and said their concerns and well wishes. Only after a long time had passed, and she was quite worn out, did she notice the dark figure sulking in the dark shadows in the corner across the room.

"Professor," she said wearily.

Snape walked gracefully over to her side and sat next to her.

"How are you feeling, Miss Granger?" he whispered.

"Tired," she said softly. She looked confused and scared. "Why are you here?" she asked, stifling a yawn. Her eyes began to droop and soon she was fast asleep

Snape stroked her cheek with his knuckles. "So sweet," he murmured. He bent over her and kissed her forehead.

"I will see you tomorrow," he whispered softly in her ear.

***

The next morning, before anyone was about in the castle, Severus Snape came to Hermione Granger's bedside to begin his new life. He had made a promise that if she woke, he would never push her away again. He would prove his love to her. As he approached the infirmary doors, he took a steadying breath to calm his nerves.

He strode inside, drew up a chair to Miss Granger's bedside, and waited patiently for her to wake up from her sleep. While he waited, he watched the sunrise over the distant mountains. It was quite a peaceful sight. He was deep in thought when he heard her stirring in her bed.

He leaned closer and took her hand in his. "Miss Granger," he murmured softly.

"Professor?" she asked weakly. She opened her bleary eyes, and he sat calmly stroking her hand in his own.

They remained quite still...not speaking to each other for quite a while. Finally, he spoke first. "I am so sorry I left you alone," he whispered brokenly.

Hermione stared into his eyes as the tears began to swell and fall thickly from her eyes.

"Please don't cry!" he said painfully. "I am not worth your tears." He lowered his head, and his black hair fell forward and obscured his face from her.

"Why are you here?" she asked fearfully.

"I need you, Miss Granger," he said simply as he looked up into her face.

"Need me?" she bit out. "You need what...a lab partner? A brain you can threaten and boss around?" she questioned angrily. She turned her head from him and looked out the window. "No thanks, I'm quite finished with such relationships," she said bitterly as she removed her hand from his.

Snape knew he was losing his chance. He was going to need to bare himself to her. He leaned closer to her and took the side of her face into his hand, caressing the cheek. She turned her head to face him, her eyes full of terror.

"I need you, Miss Granger," he whispered softly. "Not your brain nor your intelligence. Rather, I need all of you. You do possess a brilliant mind. However, I realize that is not all there is to you, and to ignore the rest of you is a waste. Intelligence is only a part of what makes you remarkable. Combine your intelligence with your keen sixth sense and ability to empathize with people, and I can see the true reason you are known as the brightest witch of your age. I know you probably don't believe me, and that is all right. I don't mind proving myself to you. You don't have to answer now, just consider my apology and my request to love you."

He got up and walked out to leave her with her thoughts.

***

A few days later, Snape heard a soft knock on his office door. If he had not been standing near the entrance, he might have not heard it. He opened the door wide and there stood Hermione Granger.

She was a bit standoffish, not wanting to look him in the eye. However, Snape found he didn't mind.

"Miss Granger," he said graciously. "Do come in."

She followed the movement of his arm inviting her to enter, and she accepted hesitantly.

"Would you mind leaving the door open?" she asked abruptly as she sat down uneasily in the chair nearest the door.

Snape was concerned. She was edgy and nervous. Her eyes were darting about the room, taking it all in. She seemed to not want to even be in the same room with him. Nevertheless, something or someone had compelled her to see him. He walked slowly to his desk and sat down.

"What can I do for you, Miss Granger?" he asked softly.

She finally looked at him or really glanced and averted her eyes. "You said you needed my help. I'm an Order member. I may be limited in what I can do now. However, I still can use my talents. Ginny needs me, and after all, I owe her a life debt," she said quietly.

"Fine, Miss Granger," he said reluctantly. "You do realize you and I will be spending a great deal of time alone together, do you not?" he said in a firmer voice.

She met his eyes and held her gaze. "Yes, I haven't forgotten what you said during our last meeting," she whispered.

He glanced upon her critically. "This will not frighten you? To be alone with me, I mean?" he prodded.

"No," she said cautiously. "I can be professional and place my personal feelings aside. I just hope you can do the same," she challenged as she glared at him.

Snape felt the corners of his mouth twitch. "Certainly, Miss Granger. I shall endeavor to keep our working relationship professional at all times," he said smoothly.

Her eyes hardened at his comment, and he felt the urge again to reassure her. He did his best.

"Miss Granger, I meant what I said to you in the infirmary. You do recall what I said?" he asked, feeling a bit fearful.

"No, I haven't forgotten," she replied with her eyes downcast.

He continued. "Then you know that I mean to make this up to you, Hermione. I was cruel and hurtful. I regret your suffering, knowing that I was the cause of so much. I want to make things right," he said fervently.

Hermione's eyes darted around again, looking uncomfortable as she crossed her arms across her chest protectively. "I'd rather not speak of it, Professor," she said in a high, false voice. "I want to do my part to help the Order, and that is all," she said firmly.

"I understand," Snape replied uneasily. The truth was he did not understand in the slightest. Nevertheless, he was determined to right his wrong and prove to her, her worth. If that meant he would have to back off for a while and give her space, so be it. However, he would not forget his promise to himself and her. He was going to see her through the pain he caused and be there on the other side when she was ready.

***

"We have a lot to accomplish, Miss Granger. Since the Dark Lord has such an advantage over us, we need to end this once and for all. You and I are going to brew two potions to aid Miss Weasley turn the tables around on the bastard," he explained as he began to gather ingredients.

Hermione began to notice some of the ingredients that he was taking out of his storeroom, and she said, "Sir, what are we brewing?"

He smiled wickedly at her and said, "I think you already know, Miss Granger."

"Polyjuice Potion?" she asked weakly.

"And?" he prompted.

"Amortentia?" she whispered.

"Correct, Miss Granger. Now, I am positive you have a lot of questions, so you may begin asking now," he said in his usual sneering voice.

"Why are we brewing these potions?" she asked.

"Well," he began as he slowly made his way to her side, tapping his index finger against his lips. "First, I would like to settle a matter of great importance. I am aware that your magical powers are draining. Each time you blood let; you drain your magical abilities. That explains your lackluster abilities in Charms and Transfiguration. I need you to be sharp, focused, and able-bodied to help prepare these potions. You must swear an Oath you will no longer self-injure yourself. Are you willing to do that?" he asked sharply, raising his wand.

"Yes, I do swear," she said as she raised her wand. Snape tapped her wand and the magic swirled around her, and she knew she could never cut herself again with risking death.

"What if I feel like it and am tempted?" she asked softly.

Snape sighed as he placed his palms down on the smooth, cold surface of the lab table. "Hermione, you need to find happiness with yourself without the approval of others. If you are easily hurt by someone else's words, perhaps it mirrors your own personal truth...the truth that you secretly despise yourself. You can change it, or you can simply embrace yourself and say, 'I don't care!' and refuse to apologize for who you are. Once you learn to be satisfied with yourself, no one can ever harm you with their words," he said softly as he looked upon her with his piercing black eyes. "It is quite a freeing feeling, actually," he mused.

Hermione set herself about gathering the materials she needed to start the base for the Polyjuice Potion. She absent-mindedly arranged the ingredients as she responded to Professor Snape's wisdom.

"I find it rather amusing to hear you say such things, Professor," Hermione said calmly as her hands cautiously touched each bottle, busily working methodically without thinking. "You seem to act as if you are an expert in these matters. However, one look at you and one can say, most assuredly, that you are not." She turned her head and looked at him with a cold, calculated glare.

Snape allowed her to voice herself. She continued after giving him a sharp look of disdain. "You have spent your life nursing and feeding off of old wounds and slights from your childhood. I don't know how you can have the gall to advise me at all!"

She lit the fire and began to add her first ingredients. The silence was overbearing.

"Miss Granger," Snape began cautiously as he stepped closer to her, "I have never said I was an example to follow. Rather, I am the one to be pointed at in fear, whilst people warn, 'Here is what your future holds if you dare continue on your path.'"

Hermione gave a snort. "So, it's 'do as I say, not as I do' right?" she questioned.

Snape gave a twisted smile and answered, "I have spent most of my life unloved and unwanted. The times I ever felt love or desire towards anyone were so long ago, I can barely remember the feeling anymore. What I do know about being wanted is limited but by no means insignificant. You would do better by being careful what you wish for, or you might end up being wanted by someone like the Dark Lord."

He leaned into the young witch, his eyes following her desperate attempt to escape them with no success.

"Even though I suffered from the lack of love and happiness in my life, I still, after being disappointed in love, managed to go on with my life and make what I could out of it. I am a Potions master. I can make potions that perhaps only three other living Potion masters can. I proudly stand at the top in my field. Being unloved has not stopped me from having a life and finding some fulfillment. Therefore, you shouldn't either," he reprimanded her softly.

"Now, back to work, Miss Granger," he said firmly.

***

The days went by so quickly Hermione barely had time to think about her troubles. Brewing the two potions for Professor Snape had Hermione's mind in fits. She wanted to do well for him; she still had a hope inside that he would one day truly see her. She hated herself for it, though, and each night was an exercise in torment as she turned away from the temptation of cutting.

She had a great deal of time whilst brewing to examine the course of her life during the past months. Ever since that fateful day in October in Hogsmeade up to the present time, Hermione realized how destructive she had been. Her sense of self and importance as a human being had been driven into the ground.

Oh, yes, she easily could assign blame. However, she had yet to examine and take an account of the part she had played in her own self-destruction. She had been wounded with cruel words and had allowed others to invade and rob her from herself. First, her parents had been so overly critical about the importance of her marks that she now had a compulsion to drive herself into the ground in order to achieve perfection. She had allowed the opinions and callousness of Harry, Ron, Viktor, and Professor Snape to become the dominant force in her life as she became older. She was angry. She was angry with all of them, but more importantly, she was angry with herself.

***

As the process towards finishing the Amortentia potion grew to its critical stage, Snape informed Hermione of the variations he was going to apply to the potion.

He stood in the lab and explained the hopeful outcome of attempting to corrupt such a powerful potion to fit the ends of the Order. He took out a number of parchments with notations on them. As Hermione scanned them, she was shocked to find they were nearly word for word Harry's thoughts and observations on what he had been told by the memory of the young Tom Riddle in the Chamber of Secrets.

She looked up from the parchment with wide eyes. "Is this true?" she whispered.

Snape closed his eyes and nodded. He then took the parchments from her and began to explain.

"Many of the Dark Lord's followers do not understand the real motivation behind his regeneration. Just going about killing Muggles and Muggle-borns indiscriminately is not his focus. Potter is the focus, and everything he does now is towards that end."

"From what Potter and Miss Weasley have explained to me and the headmaster, I can surmise what has been occurring all these years since he had enchanted Miss Weasley. I could not help but catch the headmaster's attempts to understand exactly what happened that year. What occurred between Miss Weasley and the Dark Lord was more than a mere enchantment or a bewitching of the mind. He truly possessed her mind; however, he failed to understand that as he poured out his secrets to her, he inadvertently gave a part of himself to her in return. They are magically linked.

"This explains the maudlin moods he indulges in from time to time. The Dark Lord wants heirs. Not a successor, mind you! He just wants more wizards and witches like himself...of himself. He feels a pull towards her. He, of course, is blinded by his own greatness. He sees Miss Weasley as the perfect pure-blood vessel he can twist and manipulate for his own gain. He fails to see that he, all those years ago, created a very powerful witch who is just coming to grips with the power she holds. Our Miss Weasley will be the key to unlock and unhinge the mind of the Dark Lord. When that happens, we shall know exactly the location of each Horcrux. Then we shall be able to finally end his reign of terror for good."

Hermione watched Professor Snape as he excitedly explained the relationship between Ginny and Voldemort. She was terrified for her friend. She was going to be forced back into the nightmare that is Tom Riddle and risk everything by trying to overpower his mind.

"How do you plan on unlocking the mind of the Dark Lord, Professor?" she asked uncomfortably.

Snape glided close to her, and she found herself being swallowed whole by his eyes. "You must keep in mind, Hermione, that the only difference between what is Dark magic, and what is not, is the intent. I won't lie or try to mislead you. This Amortentia potion will be corrupted into what the Ministry would clearly label as Dark magic. However, my intent is not for evil, but for 'the Greater Good.' Can you understand?" he asked gravely.

"I can," she answered firmly. "What must be done to the potion?" she asked.

"We must add the blood of Miss Weasley. When her blood is added and is imbibed by the Dark Lord, he will become incapable to resist her perusal of his mind. She will in fact have his mind in her power. But it is risky. She will have to place herself in harm's way in order to do this. She must make herself available to him."

Hermione blanched. "Available?" she whispered.

"Oh, yes," replied Snape. "She must entice him with her very presence. He will give her anything she desires. He will be unable to resist. She will be the object of his desire."

"Won't he try to...seduce her?" Hermione whispered in embarrassment.

"Yes," he replied as he regarded her unease with the topic. "She will promise him eternal devotion, sex, an heir, whatever his deviant mind wants. But of course it will have to be the next time they meet. And we are to make sure there shall not be a next time," he said warningly.

"Does he long for her?" Hermione whispered. "After everything that I was told about their...relationship; it seems he can't seem to get her out of his system. He longs for her, needs her, and loves her."

"No, Hermione," Snape said sharply. "Love has absolutely nothing to do with this situation. The Dark Lord has no capacity for love. He merely wants her flesh, to spill his seed into her and have her bear him an heir. He wants her because he could hold her down and use her body to his will without a fight...or so he thinks. He does lust for her. He finds her growing increasingly desirable and as his property. After all, no one has ever been closer to the Dark Lord than Ginny Weasley. He thinks because of that honor, she belongs to him, to do as he sees fit. That is what arouses his lust. He is a sadistic bastard. Never forget that," he finished darkly.

"But the longing..." Hermione began.

Snape looked at her. "What is it?"

Hermione turned back to working on preparing her ingredients. "Nothing...stupid, really. I just wonder how she feels knowing someone wants her like that. I mean, Harry loves her and all, but I don't know the depth of their feelings. But to know beyond a doubt that someone desires your body, wants you, and thinks you are perfection..." She stopped talking, feeling the tears rising up unwanted.

"Hermione," Snape whispered as he approached her. He had seen the light in her eyes as she had spoken of her deepest desire and then saw it vanish just as quickly when she stopped talking. He wondered if she thought she was foolish for even thinking such things. He could hear her voice laughing at her own expense. "Who would want me? I'm nothing!"

She turned around and said as the tears hung on her lashes and dotted her cheeks, "I was naked in front of you, and you weren't even...I-I'm not saying I wish you would have...I guess it just would have been nice to know you had been tempted if only a little." She turned away from him, her cheeks blazing red. "I would give anything to be wanted like Ginny. But wizards only want my mind...not me, myself," she choked out.

"I want someone to want me...to want my body, to feel if they can't touch me they would die from the longing," she whispered.

Snape stilled his hands and looked at her profile. She was pressing her fingers onto her forehead. He didn't know if she were trying to hide tears from him or if she were deep in thought.

Snape began to stir one of the potions slowly. "What would you say if a man said to you that he longed for you?" he asked gently as he worked.

He paused and waited a moment for an answer. When none came, he went to look over the potion, stirring slowly and methodically.

"I-I... What's the point?" she whispered. "It's not like I have to worry about it. No one... has... e-ever..."

"What would you say if I said I have longed for you?" he whispered.

"Don't make fun of me again," she warned him as she folded her arms around herself protectively.

Snape came up behind her. "I'm not," he said as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

She remained silent, but she placed her hand on top of his. He took her acceptance as an invitation, and he folded her into his arms from behind, wrapping his long arms around her waist. How can she not see how absolutely fascinating she is? he thought as he enveloped her in his arms.

She stiffened, and he froze. Had he made an error? Did he go too far, too fast? She spun around in his arms, and he found her so close to him, if he just leaned in, he would finally kiss her.

"What would you say?" he whispered against her lips. "If I told you I have longed to kiss you?"

"Kiss me," she breathed.

He leaned into her, and she sank in his embrace. She was trembling as he brushed her lips with his own. She grasped tightly onto him and crushed her lips against him. Her eagerness to return his passion made him begin to kiss her urgently, drawing her tightly into his body, and he tentatively sought entrance into her mouth. She responded with such fervor that soon they were locked in a searing kiss that threatened to make him lose all self-control.

When he finally pulled away for her to breathe, she sputtered, "Why?"

He swallowed and then spoke, keeping her in his arms. "I was cruel and hateful because I wanted you. I saw you as a child with your robes on every day, but that night, I saw you, with no robe, just your lush body spread for my enjoyment. Don't think for a second that there wasn't a part of me that wanted to take you and possess you."

He cupped her face in his hands. "I dream of you. I want you, Hermione. Not as the Dark Lord wants Ginny, it's much more. I want all of you. I long to sink myself inside your flesh as far as I can and, as far as I can, penetrate your mind and find all the wonders there. Your whole being screams to me," he whispered.

He slowly and nimbly unbuttoned her shirt. She slid to the floor. Snape followed her to the floor, his robes spilling out like a blanket. He gently traced a finger down between her breasts and said, "Will you let me touch you, Hermione? Will you let me prove to you just how truly lovely you are and how much I want you?"

"You want me?" she whispered, confused.

"I need you, sweet one. I long to touch you and feel your skin next to mine. My hands ache for you, and my mouth is dry. Only you can help me. No other woman can help me quench this longing," he whispered.

She asked, "Why?"

"Because I want you, Miss Granger," he whispered. "I can't think about living a life without you in it. I swore to myself in the infirmary that if you lived, I would never let you feel unwanted and unloved ever again. You deserve to be worshiped. You are so enchanting and beautiful. I want to spend my life working to erase all the horrible words I said. They were lies...terrible lies, Hermione."

She breathed deeply and looked at him sadly. "But no other boys have noticed me. Do you want to take pity on me? I don't want it," she said resolutely.

"Oh, no," he answered softly as he caressed her face. "I remember your joining ceremony for the Order. I didn't want you in it because you were already undoing all the work I had constructed to distance myself from feeling love again. You were like the sun, creeping in and shining light into the cracks of my darkness. You were though still my student, so I remained distant. That night however, you were naked, and I hated how you had been humiliated. I wanted you, but I could NOT do that to you. So, I took you away.

"Hermione, I long for you to be mine. Think about it. I want to teach you all the pleasures between a man and a woman, and I want you to see how you make me feel," he said earnestly. "I want to do this because I belong to you. You own me: body and soul. That has been my greatest fear: you knowing that and using that knowledge to humiliate me, but I am yours to do as you will."

"How do I make you feel?" she whispered.

He took her hand and placed it on the hardness of his trousers. There she felt his erection. She gasped.

"That is only one way, Hermione, that you make me feel. You arouse me on so many levels."

Slowly, he slipped off her shirt and then her bra. The cool dungeon air hit her nipples and made them contract. He stroked them with his fingertips, causing her to shiver with anticipation. He concentrated on trying to draw her out. He took his time, watching his hands weigh and cup each breast. When he swiped one nipple with his tongue, she squeaked, but did not draw away from him. He took it into his mouth and sucked on it tenderly. She was wriggling and making sounds of pleasure that urged him on.

He stopped, and she looked so sad, he felt for her. "I won't stop, Hermione. I want your permission to touch you more intimately," he said as he brushed his hand across the zipper of her jeans.

"You want to touch me there?" she breathed.

"Mmmm," he replied as he deftly unzipped her jeans and slid his hand inside her knickers. His tongue returned to her nipple and began to stroke her. She was wet and desperate for release as he tickled and danced around her clit and suckled her until she was thrusting her hips upwards for completion. He then mashed her clit in between his fingers and kept her nipple safe within his mouth as he deftly stroked her until she was crying and shouting out.

He rose and breathed into her ear, warm and deep, "The thought of being so near makes me want you. You are so lovely, the sight of your beauty...."

He leaned into her again, tasting her sweet lips. He wondered how she felt being enclosed in his arms. He knew she wanted this, but was she actually ready for the reality? He stilled his lips and looked into her eyes. They were full of amber fire. He could take her now, here, on this hard dungeon floor, and she would not care. However, he did.

"We have to stop, Hermione," he whispered, "before things become too intense."

"I want... intense," she whispered.

He peered at her with half-closed eyes. "Good," he replied. "Not like this, sweet one. You deserve better than your virginity taken on a cold floor."

Something in those words made the mood break. Her body stiffened, and he knew to release her. She got up, and he followed her lead.

"I have to go, Professor," she said as she started to gather her things.

"Have I upset you?" he asked as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"No," she said as she blushed. "I just realized how close we were to..." She stopped short.

"Making love?" he asked.

"Would that have been it?" she asked him directly.

Ah! he thought. She wants to know I honestly love her before she'll give herself to me willingly.

He went to answer her, but she raised her hand. "Don't become like so many others I've heard about, who say love so quickly and then once the chase is over, forget they ever said the word."

Snape felt his anger rising. "You dare to compare me with some sniveling sixth-year?" he said in growing rage.

She looked at him with fear in her eyes. "There is a side to you that I do not understand," she whispered.

He stepped closer to her, their bodies almost touching. "You need to decide, Miss Granger, what it is you really want. Is it the true desire of knowing what it would be like to lie under me, having me possess you? Or do you just want to be proud in the fact that you have brought me to my knees full of longing that you never intend to satisfy? I have declared my love for you; I have healed your wounds and have taken the responsibility for them. Do you want to slice into me? Take your pound of flesh? It's a dangerous game you play, Hermione," he said icily.

She looked up at him with clear eyes and said unflinchingly, "I want to make love to you and for you to make love to me. I want for us to not only let our passions decide when that time will happen, as you pointed out, like sixth-years. I want the pride, and I want the possession. I want it all, and I will not take anything less than everything. I don't really know you. I would like to know exactly to whom it is that I'm making love. Not a fantasy and not a dream. It takes time. I-I haven't ever called you by your first name!"

He raised a hand to stroke her hair. "Then call me by my name, Hermione," he said plainly.

He turned and went back to check on the potions. When he looked up again, she was gone.