Chapter 12
Chapter 12 of 18
livvy6Severus and Harry meet up with Wormtail, and Ginny prepares for her visit to Voldemort.
ReviewedA/N: Thanks to my beta, Shellsnapeluver, and all those who read and review. Thank you so much!
***
The day finally arrived for the plan to go into action. Severus waited in Knockturn Alley for Wormtail to take his weekly jaunt into the Apothecary that serviced only the darkest of witches and wizards. He watched from the shadow of an old wooden doorstep of an establishment that hadn't opened yet and watched the alley come to life. The cobblestoned street was echoing the sound of footsteps and wheelbarrels. Snape kept his eyes on the Apothecary as the morning fog began to slowly lift.
Snape saw the rodent as he nervously made his way to the Apothecary. Once Wormtail had walked safely inside, Snape smiled as he took out a fake Galleon and tapped it. Now, he only had to wait for Potter to arrive. He continued to watch through the grimy window as the rat made his purchases, waiting with his head constantly jerking around as if he were afraid of something happening to him.
Oh, yes, Wormtail. I know your fears. I know how much you loathe going out into the open. Never before have you been right. Well, this time, you have every reason to fear, Snape thought malevolently.
Within a minute, there was a small crack of Apparition, and a black-cloaked figure came walking slowly past Snape. The figure glided into the darkened passage between the Apothecary and the next establishment. The dark figure lowered his hood enough to show his identity to Snape before replacing it. Snape, who never needed to hide in Knockturn Alley, had insisted on Potter's discretion. It would do Potter no favors to have his reputation sullied by being caught here.
Wormtail paid for his purchases and walked cautiously out into the near empty street. Snape glided out of the shadows and blocked his path right next to the passageway where Harry stood waiting.
The rat spoke first. He was slobbering and sniveling, as he was wont to do when nervous.
"S-Severus!" he squeaked as he trembled. "W-What are you doing here?"
"I am here, the same as you, to make my weekly purchases," he said smoothly. "I thought how rude of me not to at least greet a former houseguest."
Harry came out of the dark and said softly through his hooded face, "Wormtail, come here."
A chill coursed through Severus' back. He really had to hand it to the blighter...he knew how the scare the bejesus out people when he put his mind to it.
Wormtail's eyes shifted around, and Snape could sense his desperation for an escape.
"You owe me a life debt, Peter," Harry said darkly. "I've come to collect."
Peter was helpless but to comply. He stepped inside the passageway, and Harry said, "Give me some of your hair, Wormtail. Then you may leave."
"That's all?" he said, looking happy. "O-Of course! Here you go." He took his wand, shredded off some of his hair and deposited it into a pouch Harry held out for him.
Severus stood behind Wormtail as the procedure continued. Once he was finished, Harry said, "I would wish for nothing more than to release you back into the waiting arms of your master. However, I cannot." He placed the pouch of hair into his robes and swiftly departed. Snape heard the crack of Apparition and knew Harry was safe.
Wormtail tried to ease his way out of the passageway, but was halted by Severus.
"I have waited nearly twenty years for this revenge," he whispered into the rat's ear. Although you have paid your life debt to Potter, you still have to pay for the betrayal of your friends, including the woman I once loved."
With that, he stuck a knife into the femoral artery in Wormtail's leg. Peter stumbled backward, crying in pain and holding his leg. Snape watched as the rat silently screamed for help. The look on his face was glorious. The rodent had never known whilst removing his hair for Potter, Severus had placed a Silencing Charm on him.
Within five minutes, he was dead.
Snape transfigured the rat into a rock and placed it in his pocket. A quick Scourgify siphoned up the blood, and no evidence remained. He took the rat's wand with him, shrunk his packages, placed them into his robes, and Apparated back to Hogwarts where Harry waited for him by the main gates.
"Come with me, Potter," he said as he led them down into the dungeons. He placed the rock into one of his pickled jars and smiled gruesomely.
"Now," he said as he swiftly turned around, "we have work to do. The Dark Lord will expect Wormtail back within the hour. I must prepare."
***
The difficult part for Severus was the fact he knew he looked like Wormtail. It was positively revolting; yet, it had to be borne. He transfigured his clothes into Wormtail's and grabbed his phial of Amortentia.
Potter shuddered as he looked at Snape as Wormtail. "Here, take this," he said to Snape as he threw his invisibility cloak at him. He must have looked at him confusedly because Potter said, "Look, I don't want you to get tackled by some lame arse thinking they caught the infamous Wormtail." He leaned back on one of the desks and crossed his arms. "Just, you know, do what you've got to do, and let me know when to send Ginny."
Snape took the cloak, wand, and packages and tucked away the Amortentia in his pocket. He slipped the invisibility cloak on, and Potter walked him out.
As they reached the main gates, Potter hissed, "You do have more Polyjuice on you, right?"
Snape glowered at him, but realized he was invisible. "Shut up, Potter," he mumbled as he went on his way towards the Apparition point. He took a breath, concentrated on his destination, and came around a hundred yards away from the Apparition point at Malfoy Manor. He readied himself and Apparated to the point where the real Wormtail would have. He made his way inside as he had watched him do a hundred times before. He walked into the opulent manor and made his way upstairs to the Dark Lord's bedroom. He knocked and opened the door slowly when given admittance. Snape did his best imitation of cowering before the Dark Lord...the way Peter would have.
"Wormtail," snapped the Dark Lord. "I am hungry. You will prepare my breakfast now."
"Your Lordship," Severus sniveled, "are you quite well today? You seem unhappy."
"Of course, Wormtail, I am unhappy," he yelled at him. Voldemort stood in front of the large French windows, staring out at the grounds, his magnificent robe pooling around his feet. He opened the doors and breathed in the morning air.
"I grow weary, Wormtail. I grow lonesome. When you are finished, I wish to speak with Lucius."
"O-of c-course, Your Lordship," he groveled as he bowed and scraped his way out of the doorway.
Severus kept a close look on his time. It was early enough that the house had not yet roused. The Dark Lord was an exceptionally early riser and wished to be fed and nourished before anyone else awoke so he would be fit and on point. Severus went into the potions lab and created the elixir that he had made years beforehand. In fact, it had been he who had taught Wormtail to make this concoction. Near the end, he poured in the fresh Amortentia with the blood of Ginny Weasley. He cautiously made his way upstairs and knocked lightly on the Dark Lord's door.
"Enter, Wormtail!" he shouted.
Severus looked at him as he came closer. The despot was unusually morose and low. He looked... sad. That could be interpreted in a number of ways. Soon enough, he would know just how miserable he was when he drank the potion.
Without a glance, he took it and placed it to his lips. He paused and said, "You have contacted Lucius, made him aware I require his presence?" he asked.
"Y-yes, Your Lordship," he answered. "He should be here momentarily."
Voldemort drank the potion and nearly tossed the empty goblet to Severus, who retreated slowly, watching and listening to the Dark Lord as he left. Voldemort went farther onto the balcony and breathed deeply, feeling his skin, and was enjoying the morning air.
Snape sighed as soon as he was out of the room. Soon, the effects of the Polyjuice would be waning and he would return to his actual self.
Severus took another swig of Polyjuice for insurance. God, he needed a different drink. Being Wormtail, even for an hour, was enough to make one sick for days. He cleared his mind and went into Lucius' office.
"Lucius," he said snidely.
Lucius was still is his dressing robe, looking over various parchments. He took off his spectacles. "Ah, Wormtail, has the Dark Lord requested my presence?" he asked absent-mindedly.
"Indeed he has," Severus replied. "There seems to be something amiss, Lucius. He is sad and not himself," he added. That'll get him talking, thought Severus.
"Very well, Wormtail, you may leave," he said with a wave of his hand. Severus went into a niche in the wall and Dissilusioned himself. He cautiously followed Lucius upstairs to listen to their conversation.
He peeked through the crack in the door where Lucius had not let the latch catch on the frame. He squatted and listened to their exchange.
The Dark Lord turned from where he was standing on the balcony and said, "Lucius, my most loyal servant! Please, come and stand with me. This morning is glorious," he said euphorically. "Look at the false indigo with the Angel's trumpets. Quite sedate and comforting. The blue petunias are also looking magnificent today. Narcissa has quite the eye for beauty and elegance as well as creating a relaxing atmosphere. You must thank her for me."
"Thank you, my Lord," he said happily to his master.
Snape stole a glance and noticed the Dark Lord was quite distracted. The paranoia that had been running rampant was gone. In its stead was a relaxed and unfocused serpent wizard who seemed to be on the precipice of an epiphany.
"Lucius," he began as he turned to face him. "I have been most unhappy. You know how much I have confided in you. However, I must tell you the extent of this malaise. I yearn for a witch that would never come willing to me. Only in her dreams has she opened herself to me. I realize now how much I need her. She is a pure-blood, and although I plan to defeat death, I am like any other wizard who desires a dynasty, a powerful family to build up and help control my world. I have only ever been close to one witch in my life, and I know she is now old enough to be taken as a proper consort. She is a poor blood traitor. However, I know I can woo her to my side. If she still is not convinced, I will have to steal her away."
"Who is she, my Lord?" asked Lucius quietly.
The Dark Lord looked at him angrily. "The Weasley girl, of course!" he spat. "She has been the only one of which I have spoken. Yes, she is poor and not respected in our world, but she is a pure-blood and she will give me sons and daughters to rule alongside me. She...Ginevra will sit at my side as mine. She must be brought to me, Lucius. Once I have a proper family, like any pure-blood, my dynasty can begin."
Lucius shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "How do want this accomplished, my Lord?"
"You will bring her to me. You will bring her here, and I shall have the proper Healers to assure me of her fertility. If she is fertile, I will take her. Even if she is barren, I will take her anyway, and in the morning, you will kill and dispose of her. I mean to possess and control her, Lucius. She knows too much."
He looked out again at the beautifully manicured lawn and flowers that lined the Manor. "I never dreamt when I was siphoning the life force from her that I was placing so much of myself inside her. She has a portion of my power, Lucius. She is like me. No other witch could ever understand my need for might and power. I must control her and dominate her magic...the magic that is of my own...and bend her to my will."
The revulsion poured over Severus as he listened to the words that issued from the Dark Lord.
"I know it must seem so...sordid. However, I cannot give in to the falsity and fickleness of love. Dumbledore sets much store by it. Moreover, I have no use for it. The longing I feel for Ginevra, the need to overpower her is too great. I had hoped to wait, but I cannot. You will bring her to me, Lucius, tonight."
Lucius bowed and turned to leave. Severus shifted to the side so he could still hear any last requests and not be detected. Lucius was almost out the door when the Dark Lord said, "Do bring her to me alluring and seductive. I do not care to see my future consort in tatters."
"Of course, my Lord," Lucius replied. He closed the door behind him, and Snape breathed easier, knowing he had finally pulled it off. By tonight, all of his reason would be gone, and the mere presence of Miss Weasley would be all that would be needed to unearth what the Dark Lord was hiding in his twisted and warped mind. Severus just had to make sure that Potter stayed far away.
***
Severus Apparated back to Hogwarts and went straightaway to find Hermione. He located her in the library and whispered to her that he needed her and Miss Weasley in the dungeons straight away.
Hermione was shocked by the urgency with which he was speaking to her. "Professor," she whispered. "You know that Ginny has been sequestered. It will take time for me to obtain permission to fetch her."
"Then do it!" he hissed, and he strode out of the room. Then he went to Minerva's office and tapped on the door.
"Come in," she said curtly.
He opened the door forcefully and closed it sharply.
Minerva was stacking parchments. "My goodness, Severus! You're acting as if the hounds of hell are upon you," she said, confused.
Severus walked close to her desk and loomed over her. "I need you to transfigure a dress for Miss Weasley. It's happening tonight. I have to make her available and dressed appropriately for when she is taken to the Dark Lord."
Minerva's face went white. "You have already administered the Amortentia?" she whispered.
"Yes. Everything is in place. Tonight, Miss Weasley will have to play her part. She must be convincing and ready to do whatever she must to make sure we uncover where all the Horcruxes are."
Minerva looked anxious. "You don't think he'll..." She swallowed and couldn't continue.
Severus looked at her gravely. "I am being realistic about this, Minerva. I do not think Miss Weasley to return to us unscathed. If she is careful and plays the game well, she may escape with her virginity intact. However, I can not give anyone any guarantees."
"Should we tell Potter?" she whispered.
"NO!" he yelled. "That idiot will ruin everything. Miss Weasley has to remember she carries the same magic inside her as Tom. He has poured into her a part of himself! She is not just a mere vessel for a portion of his soul. He considers her an equal to be feared. That is why he feels compelled to dominate her. I will speak with her about the subtleties she will have to use in order to bypass any damage he may try to inflict on her."
***
When Severus reached his classroom in the dungeons, Miss Weasley and Hermione were waiting for him.
He closed the door quietly and drew in a cleansing breath. He walked over to Miss Weasley's side and gave Hermione a reassuring look.
"Ginevra," he said as he took her hands. "Tonight is where you will play your greatest part in our war effort." He glided his hand through her hair. "Professor McGonagall will have a dress for you to wear. You will be going alone to the Dark Lord. I say alone since we cannot accompany you. However, Lucius Malfoy will be coming for you. Now do not be frightened. You are to go where we tell you and obey him when he comes for you. As for the dress, the Dark Lord has requested Lucius bring you to him in your finest."
Snape's eyes bored into hers. "He fears your magic, yet he longs for you. You have been the only person who has carried so much of his power. You are no Horcrux, Ginevra. You share a part of his ability to influence and it frightens him. In order to control his fear, he desires to make you his consort, meaning his slave. You will thwart his plan by encouraging him to open his mind to you and glean what we need from it."
Ginny began to tremble. "He's going to rape me, isn't he?"
Severus swallowed and said, "You can control the amount of pain he will inflict on you. Promise him the world, and he will believe you. Remember, he has imbibed the Amortentia Potion. You will find your mind shall be more powerful than his. But his urge to take you and make you his will be strong. You must do what you feel is best."
Ginny looked at Hermione. "How will Harry ever forgive me?" she whispered. He knows I'm a virgin. If after this night I gain everything we've ever needed to end this war, but give in to him and let him have me, Harry will never want me!" she said hysterically.
Hermione hugged her friend. "Ginny, you know Harry's love is deeper than the physical. Why else would you both have waited? He loves you, not just your body," she whispered to her.
Hermione's eyes met Severus', and he said as he placed a comforting hand on Ginny's back, "A man's true love does not rest purely on one area of a woman. It is her whole being, Ginevra."
Hermione smiled.
***
"Was it horrible?" Hermione asked Severus as they left Ginny to her thoughts.
"Being Wormtail for an hour was enough to nearly do myself in," he deadpanned.
"How was the Dark Lord? I mean, was he insane with lust and yearning?" she asked.
"Not yet. The Dark Lord is a powerful wizard. It will build up to it. But by this evening, he should become rather desperate," he replied as he helped her hop over the step with the bog inside.
"Will his need be purely sexual?" she whispered.
Severus looked at Hermione as he led her to the dungeons. As they began their descent on the stone stairwell, he stopped and opened a door inside the stairwell.
It was a small room, with books and a desk, a couch and a fire. "This is my private sanctuary," he replied. "No one knows it exists. It is my private sanctuary. For the last fifteen years, I have sought my solace in this room. I've read, slept, meditated and built some of my most precious dreams in this secret room."
He drew her closer and stroked her face with one hand. "You have become a part of me that is very precious. I have never wanted any woman to share my most innermost thoughts and spaces. If the Dark Lord were capable of love, he would treat Miss Weasley like this: open his heart and share all the beauty within. However, there is no heart in him, only darkness. Their night tonight will be one of bargaining, of seeing how far he can bend her to his will. But the tables will turn the moment he sees her. He will be at her mercy. His longing for her will be nearly unbearable; yet she will wield the power."
Hermione relaxed into his hand. "So, what of us, Severus? Who wields the power, and who is the one who longs?" she whispered.
He cupped her face with both hands and breathed against her lips, "As any good match, both the wizard and the witch will wield the power equally, and the longing they feel will only make them want to give in to the other, each one seeking the pleasure of the other above their own and relinquishing power to the other."
He kissed her and felt her respond to him. Their kisses were sweet, urgent, passionate, and yet tender. They took their time, learning to give and take in their pleasure. Hermione felt her mouth meld with his, and all she knew was the warmth of his mouth on hers and how wonderful it made her feel.
They paused, and Severus brushed her kiss-swollen lips with the fingertips of one hand. "You deserve to be seduced, slowly and sweetly," he whispered.
Hermione grew nervous and slipped away from him. "I think I need to return. Just have me called when Ginny returns," she replied.
She turned to open the wooden door, but a long pale hand laid itself upon the door and stopped her from her leaving.
She didn't turn around. Her eyes were closed and she said, "What are you trying to do, Severus?"
He leaned his taunt, lean body into her back. "I want you, Hermione. I want to make love to you."
"Not now," she whispered. "I'm not ready. Please don't force me."
He stepped back from her. "You think I would take you against your will?" he said angrily.
Hermione turned around, her back against the door. "No. But you know how I feel, and I know your ability to seduce. I don't want to wake up later regretting anything," she said honestly as she looked him in the eye.
"Fair enough," he whispered as he clasped his hands behind his back. "You may leave, if you wish."
Hermione could sense the hostility and hurt in his voice. "Please don't be angry, Severus," she begged him.
"You mistake a rebuffed ego with hostility, Hermione, and sexual frustration for anger," he said in a clipped tone. "Now, if you don't mind, I would very much like to be alone." He walked to the door, reached behind Hermione, and opened the door. Hermione jumped out of the way and stood at her full height.
"There's no reason to get nasty with me, Severus Snape," she spat at him as she pushed the door closed. "Just because I won't have sex with you is no reason to toss me out like garbage!" She looked at him haughtily and with pride. A small smile crept on his face.
He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to him. "Now, that's my sweet one. You are right. No man or wizard should try to make you feel less because they can't have their way. It isn't right for you, Hermione. That makes it wrong for us to continue," he whispered softly.
He took her back to Gryffindor tower and kissed her hand. She shuddered as he walked away in a swirl of robes. Those lips that had touched her hands had already been on some of the most delicate and tender places on her body, and he wanted more. She knew she wanted much more, and the thought of that special intimacy with a wizard such as Severus Snape made her feel weak-kneed. When the time finally arrived for them, it was going to be incredible. No matter how their love-making played out. She was sure because she would at last be naked with him, and he would be covering her with his desire and love for her. She wanted nothing more than to experience the weight of his body on top of her. She wanted it. However, the thought of his strong arms and chest against her soft breasts and stomach made her tremble with trepidation. She had seen how he could drive a witch insane with longing just by using his voice. To have all of him at once was overwhelming. In time, she would be ready to handle it, and when that time arrived, she would be craving him.
She went into the common room and got ready for bed. She hoped that wherever Ginny was, she would return to them safe.
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Longing
505 Reviews | 6.88/10 Average
As a person who has and still is struggling with recurrent major depression, I know all the cognitive distortions that a woman can have, who then resorts to cutting. Snapey is Forever My Prince, but his hostility and loathing towards Hermione makes me wanna get Medieval on his Hiney ~ the utter bastard he's being. Hypocrite too,knowing that all that bile should be self directed.
Thank you for your note at the beginning of this chapter. When I was not so much younger than I am now I cut myself to release the 'pain' I was feeling. A combination of childhood trauma and abuse (mental) and frustrations with education and career had choices eventually drove me to do it on occasion throughout my life. You described the feelings that would drive a person to this sort of behavior perfectly in the previous chapter. I have friends who find cutters disgusting and I speak only to explain that sometimes people are driven nearly out of their mind with despondency. I hope your readers can try to understand that mental illness is not disgusting but something that must be accepted and understood in order to help those in need.
Oh god. I didn't notice the author's name. I'm sorry if I've disturbed anyone.
Rest in peace Livvy.
Oh god. I didn't notice the author's name. I'm sorry if I've disturbed anyone.
Rest in peace Livvy.
Thank you for your note at the beginning of this chapter. When I was not so much younger than I am now I cut myself to release the 'pain' I was feeling. A combination of childhood trauma and abuse (mental) and frustrations with education and career had choices eventually drove me to do it on occasion throughout my life. You described the feelings that would drive a person to this sort of behavior perfectly in the previous chapter. I have friends who find cutters disgusting and I speak only to explain that sometimes people are driven nearly out of their mind with despondency. I hope your readers can try to understand that mental illness is not disgusting but something that must be accepted and understood in order to help those in need.
Lovely well written. So,so much emotion abounding is this. I cried for all Hermione went through, both the good and the bad. A very touchy subject handled very well.
This would be an EXCELLENT story if not for the 'she luuuuuurvs him' aspect. A teenager may fancy a teacher, but 'love' comes from a reciprical relationship. This ship uses this trope ad naseum, and it's ridiculous. And she now still has feelings for him, even after all this? After he has shown himself to be a callous son of a bitch? I can't buy into it.
I really wanted to like this story, I really did. There are brilliant aspects. But now this is just a huge cliche-fest. She still loves him, he loves her, oh joy the world is rosy again! Ugh. Please. After what he put her through she wouldn't be able to stand the sight of him, never mind still 'love' him or allow him to touch her. And Snape.....I'm just shaking my head. Poor, lonely, misunderstood Snape, huh? And now he 'loves' Hermione??? I'm guessing you're either very young or you prefer the Harlequin Romance type of stories. There was so much potential in this story.
I don't usually read SS/HG stories, and I don't usually read stories this OOC, but I just wanted to comment - that even if Hermione wasn't completely raped (the act of intercourse did not occur with a man) - the damage emotionally from what DID happen to her is tremendous - and she may as well have been raped by every person there - especially Bella - something like that does not just shake somone up - something like that first chapter would make someone suicidal.
I think my biggest problem with this story, thus far, is how insignificant the first chapter's events has been recieved by the professors - Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick - and who ever might know of the event - are all canny people - they're also old enough to know such horrors - what happened to Hermione is torturous, and for her to just "go back to classes" after a few days - is bizzare enough, but without any other help than a pat on the shoulder and a few kind words from Dumbles or her head of house - that to me, seems really bizzare.
If this situation happened today, in my world, to an 18-year old woman - she'd be placed on leave from school/work and likely put on suicide watch as well as immediatly put into counseling. This is a very close subject for me (sexual abuse) and it bothers me to see it written so casually - or the reaction of Hermione's "allies" at least.
Hermione hurting herself was very disturbing and I wanted to strangle Snape for doing that to her!!! She had to almost die for him to finaly admit his feelings! But I'm glad it worked.
I just hope she won't do that whenever she'll feel down...it wouldn't be fair to her or her loved ones..or it can became a sort of blackmail if she won't be carefull..do as I say or I'll cut myself...
He broke her and then he put her together again...they were lucky, some are not so fortunate. I'm glad they ended up together.
Great story. Thank you.
How did Harry get everyone out of the infirmary so that he could be with Ginny?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
He just closed off the curtained area and made it silent to others. HE probably did a Notice-Me-Not-Spell. Either way, I think no one, not even Molly would want to ruin a private moment. Everyone knows that Ginny is the one Harry loves and vice-versa. At least that's how I see it. Even if Molly objected, I think Arthur would have demanded her to come along and stop being so blessed nosy! Arthur does have his moments ;)Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Ginny was so brave! And so was Harry. Will Dumbledore stop using Severus and Harry now? Can the at last have some small amount of peace?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
I think Dumbledore will be hard-pressed to get Snape to do anything so dangerous again. He is done with the past and wants to make a new start with Hermione. He's ready to let go and allow love to lead him.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Thank you for having Severus prepare Ginny. I was worried. He really is a Master Spy. She did better than I expected. Poor Lucius. He is in sooooo much trouble.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
LOL! Yes, trouble all around in Voldemort's camp. I'm glad Ginny and Snape's talk was sufficient for you to feel what was coming believable for Ginny to go through. Ginny is a tough gal :)Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I don't feel like Ginny has been given enough preparation for this "bargining" tonight. She's just a lamb. I hope the Molly in her comes out. She needs the Molly Weasely strength but the subtlety of a Slytherin. She isn't recieving much emotional support for this terrifying event. I am hoping Minerva can help her until it's time to go with Lucius. If she is smart and careful, she might be able to get information from Lucius that will help her. She hasn't been told there will be healers there to make sure she is fertile. Now, Hermione needs to learn to trust Severus. She seems more infatuated than truely in love. Does she really want all of him or does she just want to be desired by him? She's afraid of him. How can she truely love him, give him her heart and be afraid of him at the same time? He needs her heart as much as she needs his. He is only human. He is a man with many insecurities. Does she realize this? Without giving away whom it was, it might help her to know a little bit of his story with Lily. I think since Dumbledore is happy to meddle for the greater good, it would be good for him to give Hermione a little bit of sympathy for his scorned heart in the past and why he had been so afraid to give it again. She has no appreciation for what a leap into the flames he has taken when he declared his love for her. I feel she is only thinking of his power to hurt her. She really needs more imformation to understand how fragile he is and her power over him.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Wait until next chapter. Ginny will get a talk that will get her head straight. As for Hermione, she loves Severus, but is scared of him. He is a man and he ahd made it clear that she couldn't be woman enough for him. That stuff lingers. You can;t take stuff like that back. Snape will have to prove his sincerity to Hermione for her to feel at ease with him. All she feels is that she is still inadequate and very hopeless.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Expert story weaving, that! It must have been difficult to write this chapter without it being salaciously creepy. I hope Hermione understands what he has told her about dark magic. Harry did very well. Your Harry is the Harry I shall always think of from now on. I really like this Harry. Poor Ginny. This isn't over for her. She will be used for the greater good just like Severus and Harry have been and shall be still. Our Hermione is so young. I know she and Severus belong together, but he may be more than she is mature enough for. Her imaturity prevents her from being able to comprehend what a powerful, dark and complex man she is in love with and also happens to worship her. She needs to accept that though he has chosen the light, he is a dark wizard with a great deal more life experience than she has had. Severus Snape comes with a lot of baggage. She needs to come to grips with that if they are to have a successful relationship. There are sides to him that are down right scary. He would be a lot to handle for any woman. While she needn't allow him to be purposely cruel to her, she needs to have some understanding for the horrors he has faced and the horrible things he has been compelled to do for the greater good. She needs to be willing to take the whole package without judging him. While it isn't an excuse to hurt her, his life really has sucked! He could use a little TLC himself.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Baggage is right. Snape, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny are all wounded people with baggage. At some point something will have to give and a leap of faith will be required. Snape has serious ass-kissing to do. He has really screwed the pooch with this. But Hermione will have to stop her "victim" mode in order to meet him half-way.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Bless his heart. I hope she tells him that he means as much to her as she does to him. He deserves to be rewarded with loving words to match his own.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Yes, Hermione will have no trouble accepting his words of love. Severus is such a man of action that her eagerness to be with him will be more than enough. Her choosing him is what he was afraid would never happen. They will be okay.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I don't know what to say. So many people missing so many opportunities to spare another from pain. I was a little surprised when Snape left her crying there. I thought he would rise to the occation and tell her he loved her, but I underestimated how much his own lack of selfworth still controled him. Stupid man...I say that with a certain amount of fondness. I'm not angry at him, just shaking my head at how stupid men can be when it comes to women's emotional needs. I know he never meant to hurt her when he left her there. But in his heart he knew what she needed and he couldn't gather the courage to do it. Just being a stupid man. "Although we adore them individually, as a group you must agree their rather stupid." (a line from a song in Disney's Mary Poppins) Couldn't Minerva have given him some gentle advice before she sent Hermione down there? Given in the right way, I believe he would have listened. I suppose she has no idea he's in love with Hermione. But Albus knows. Couldn't Albus have shared that information in confidence with Minerva? Even with all her proper ways, taken in context, she would have been better prepared to help both Hermione and Severus if she knew. And had Albus not told Severus not to let Hermione know he was watching over her at all. He didn't leave any opening for Severus to tell Hermione how much he cared for her.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Yeah, Snape punked out. His emotional maturity stopped at age seven, I think. Inside, he's a scared little boy wanting love badly, but afraid to ask and accept, thinking it will only bite him in the end. He just has plain old-fashioned problems that can;t be solved with potion-making or talking his way out of it. He's going to have to face the fire. But, yes, he screwed up badly.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I suppose he thinks it is unethical to tell her how he really feels about her, a student. But this is not a normal situation and her life depends on it. He needs to tell her how he really feels about her and why he was so cruel. He needs to hold her and let her cry while he whispers how precious she is to him into her ear. He may as well give them both permission to fall in love with the condition that nothing can come of it until she is of age. I know he thinks his reputation will sully her, but can't he see that she only cares what he thinks and not what anyone else thinks? They need each other.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
SNape is still not ready. He has a strong moral ethic about propriety and his private life being private. He still thinks this is something that can be contained. He'll be schooled in how wrong he's being later. He's got some growing up to do.Thanks!Livvy
It's about time Dumbledore came to his senses somewhat. I can't imagine what will come of Severus watching over her but not speaking to her. I think it would help Hermione at some point soon, if Dumbledore talks to her about Severus' feelings for her. Not to ask her to forgive Severus but to help her understand why he had been so horribly cruel to her. She needs to know in order to heal. She needs to know he never thought any of those things about her in reality.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
This is penance for Severus. Dumbledore wants Severus to really SEE Hermione. He could talk until he was blue in the face, but Snape is a man that needs to experience things on his own. Yes, Hermione needs to know. But things take time.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I've never approved of the way the children are always sent back to their dorms after frightening or traumatic events without first having the opportunity to decompress with an adult. The girls need to be taken back to Minerva's office, given tea and have a chance to express their fears and anger. They need to recieve councel and comfort from their head of house. I also hope they will all keep quiet and not tell the rest of the student body about what Hermione has done to herself. I am hoping Ginny makes sure Parvati and Lavander keep this between themselves. Ron and Harry don't need the gory details either. Ginny has her experience with Tom Riddle as reference. To my knowledge, no one ever helped Ginny cope with that trauma. What can I say for Severus. I'm glad Dumbledore had the wisdom to let him heal Hermione. I suppose he thinks Severus is getting what he deserves when it comes to Ginny being his enemy. If I was Poppy I'd be pissed too. I don't think she was told the extent to which Severus has already seen Hermione nude. It isn't very fair to her if Dumbledore doesn't give her more information so that she knows what she's dealing with.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
I agree whole-hardheartedly, but it is just not how things are done. Ginny will become a main character and will protect Hermione fiercely. I hope you continue to enjoy the tale!Thanks for reviewing,Livvy
Lycanthropy! That is how clueless Severus is regardig the power of his words to wound one Hermione Jane Granger. I wish he'd use ligilimense on her and see what damage he is doing. I know he knows he's a total bastard, but with a self image no better than Hermione's he can't imagine she would care so much more about what he thought about her than she did anyone else. If he knew the damage he was doing, I think he would stop. His hatred toward her is his armor. When he finds out, if he finds out, Hell, next thing you know, he might be cutting himself for doing that to her. Why has Dumbledore instisited no one speak of that evening? Why doesn't he see that people need to decompress after such an event. I understand his desire to stop possible gossip through the student body. But, he obviously expects Hermione just to stuff it all down and forget about it, like Ginny with Tom Riddle. Is that what Dumbledore does with his pain? I find denial to be very helpful. But somtimes it does affect my functioning. I sleep too much and avoid things. Denial I guess, is my drug of choice. "Prentend it isn't real and it never really happened." "Hurry think of something else that can't hurt you as fast as possible. Just change the channel" "Go to sleep and don't think. Just put the pillow over your head and think about make belive things that don't hurt you because they aren't real."
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Dumbledore is so concerned with his "Greater Good" that people are mere pawns in the process. I think you have something in common with SNape. Denial is how he functions. He rationalizes and sticks to a version of the past that is most comfortable for him and never allows for that to change. Severus has been isolated and an outsider for so long, he can only think of his ways of handling things - but there is one problem: he can't risk Hermione knowing the extent of his feelings. It is his defense mechanism. He'd rather she hated him and somehow be safe than to know he loves her and be a target. It's a rough road Snape must walk.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
I agree this behavior is very in character for Hermione. I can even see where it could make perfect sense to her, even though I've never known much about self mutilation other than it exists. I've never given it any thought before, but I could totally see something like this happening to Hermione. Dumbledore is canny enough to see there is more to Snape's vitrol toward Hermione than meets the eye. I hope it occurs to him that Severus doth protest too much. There are also other pieces to the puzzle that is Snape that I would hope he would notice. Dumbledore must have been at least a little bit surprised that he would give away his cover to protect Hermione's honor. He knows he's required Severus to hurt innocent people before and Snape has complied. What was different this time, that she was a student and an Order member? Would he expect Severus to blow his cover for any student or Order member? He wasn't being asked to kill her. Also, he knows Snape is immature socially. When I was a girl in elementary school, if a boy liked a girl he often teased her mercilessly and was overtly mean to her. Does Dumbledore recognize this immature brand of infatuation; his students are usually old enough to be past that stage? Does he even care enough about Severus Snape to see he is being emotionally self distructive not only distructive toward Hermione? Has he already given Severus up as someone who is dispensible "for the sake of the greater good" and therefore, divorced himself from too much emotional attachment to Snape? He did say he had other spies. On the Hermione side of things, I am a bit surprised that Poppy didn't run any diagnostic spells on Hermione no matter how much she would never suspect her of lying. Hermione could tell her that her periods have been very heavy, irregular and unusually frequent and that is why she is anemic. If she were thinking straight, this might be a good way to perhaps get ahold of blood replenishing potion. If she hasn't over taxed her magicall abilities too far, I would think she might consider putting a glamor on her injuries in the future, in case Poppy wants to examine her. Since it wouldn't be something she would expect from Hermione, Poppy might not notice. But like any self distructive addiction, people do get sloppy when they have lost perspective and the normal instinct for self preservation. She is now in an abnormal self preserving mode. I wouldn't expect her to be reasoning as well as she normally would.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Dumbledore and his "greater good" just makes my blood boil. He was a master manipulator who used people as pawns. And all that Snape had done for the Order, he was still seen as disposable.Hermione is sloppy. Her mind is consumed with her doubts and all the terrible things Snape said. She has made it mean more than anything else. It shows her desperation to be loved. She is very much like Severus: unable to emotionally withstand and communicate needs.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
"I have endured more tortures and humiliations than that-swot-could ever imagine, and you are worried about her feelings being hurt?" If only Dumbledore had been as concerned for Severus' feelings back when he was a student and was ridiculed and abused by Dumbledore's Gryffindors. Does he know how his own mean and careless attitude when Severus had been through his own "harrowing ordeal", having almost been killed by a werewolf purposely set upon him by other studants, affected the very fabric of who Severus Snape was so much that he would join Voldemort? Dumbledore is a hypocrite. Are Albus or Minerva fretting over Severus' pain from the dark mark? I am sorry for Hermione, but I am just as sorry for Severus. How could he help but to UNDERESTIMATE his ability to wound with words? Shame on you Dumbledore. If he is so worried about Hermione's reaction to Severus' words, why didn't he try to mitigate the damage by helping her understand some things about the man and why he would be such a verbally cruel person in order to take some of the sting away?
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Spot on. Dumbledore is as culpable for Severus turning to the Dark as any Death Eater. There are answers as to why Severus' was so deliberately cruel.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Damn frustrating. Both love the other and they are each so afraid that they each stop just before the other is convinced it is real. They give enough to stir the heart but never enough to fill the emptyness. One of them is going to have to take a leap of faith and throw themself on the fire. Severus tried. He really tried. I hope she thinks it through an believes him.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Once the damage is done, it takes a lot to undo the damage. Snape has years of making up for and it won;t be easy for Hermione to accept and believe him. She is still so very wounded by his words because it cut into the very center of her insecurity of not being attractive enough to get a boy to notice her. Rough stuff.Thanks for reviewing!Livvy
Forgive me. I normally don't read dark fics. I read only SS/HG fan fiction for the most part and this is my way to escape the darkness in real life, so I had to read the last chapter before I decided if I could read this story. I saw there were so many who had made it a favorite. I'm glad I did. This will be a wonderful story, I can tell from all of the reviews. Knowing there is hope will help make the dark places more barable. And so it begins.
Response from livvy6 (Author of Longing)
Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you keep enjoying.Livvy