Visions of Another Mind
Chapter 2 of 26
sweetflagWhen Hermione discovers that an incurable Snape has been left to waste in a secret hospital ward, she sets out to do what so many have failed to do before and cure him.
This is my response to the Dictionary Drabble Challenge. The chapters have to be less than one thousand words and contain the listed words.
ReviewedWind tortured, twisted trees screeched and cracked as the ferocious gale battered at the bleak landscape. Roiling clouds, heavy and dark, dominated the heavens, seemingly pressing down upon the earth with its never-ending furze and copses of corrupted trees. Shielded from the worst of the storm by a collection of smooth, eroded boulders, he stared at the desolate scene and wondered where the hell he was. Chilled and suffused with alarm, he tried to recall the last moments prior to his unconsciousness and the subsequent awakening here.
The hot tension in his neck was a painful reminder of Nagini’s fangs slicing through his skin, and he gasped out at the surge of emotions kindled by that fear-inducing moment. Leaning against the cold rocks, he gagged and spat out burning bile. Even as he had bled over the floorboards, willing his memories to Potter, he had tried to escape, but his instinctive desire for survival had been focused more on fleeing than location, and he had attempted to Disapparate blind: had the botched spell landed him in some unknown place?
Moaning out in frustration, he ran a hand down his face and squeezed his eyes shut. Another, more sinister thought wound its way through his despair, and after a startled inhale, his eyes popped open, and he dug his hands into his pockets, fumbling for his wand. With a roar that startled some birds from their nearby roosts, he clenched his empty fists and sank to his knees.
~X~
With the aid of a sputtering candle, she walked down the dark aisle; her fingertips grazed over the spines of the silent books nestled neatly on their shelves, and her eyes eagerly read the embossed letters. How many times had she skulked through the library at Hogwarts to peel open a forbidden book and devour its contents? Countless! And yet, this was the first time that her insides had squirmed so frantically or her heart thumped so desperately.
The smoke from the flickering flame was acrid, and it stung her tired eyes, but she had resolved herself to her task, and nothing would halt her. Coming to the end of the aisle, she clucked in frustration—where was that damned book? There! Nestled between two thick, imposing tomes was a slender book. Hooking her fingertip over the spine, she gently prised the book from its literal fetter and gathered the long-sought book to her bosom. Smiling and running her thumb almost lovingly over the dark, leather cover, she bit her lip as her joy rose up in a formidable wave, but a stifled squeal was the only paean allowed to disturb the revered silence of the Library.
Headmistress McGonagall had decided that due to her almost celebrity status after aiding in the defeat of the Dark Lord, Hermione should have her own private room, and Hermione couldn’t have been more thrilled with the privacy afforded her. Kicking off her shoes and hastily tugging off her school robes, she moved to curl up on her bed and held the treasured tome between her trembling fingers. Gold-leaf had once adorned the cover, filling the carved grooves with colour, but age had rendered it subfusc and innocuous—how odd that some of the most glorious things were hidden behind such obvious banality!
It had been almost a fortnight since her first visit to sub rosa, and she had decided that another approach was needed: she couldn’t be sure that Snape heard her. Trawling through countless books on topics pertaining to mind and memory, grief and contrition, she had found the name of this little book in an appendix, and it had sent her mind thundering down a new and terrifying path.
Visions of Another Mind. The idea had germinated from the seed the title had planted, and in the gloom of another sleepless night, she had nurtured it. But could she deal with the ramifications and consequences of pursuing that line of treatment? Could she enter Snape’s mind and combat what existed there?
~X~
“Does she have the acumen to complete such a task?” The voice was nothing more than a rasp in the dark, but he could hear the surprised admiration within it, but then, a rattling sigh wafted from the shadows. “But she is so young, and relying upon the thesis of a Squib Latitudinarian can only enhance her folly.”
“Minerva seems to think so,” he replied before chasing a grape pip around his few remaining teeth and ruminating upon his sudden pique at his employer’s belittling of Miss Granger. “She’s given ye no reason to cavil about the girl before,” he responded more accusatorily than he intended.
A dry chuckle burst from the oddly-hunched and indistinguishable shape in the chair before him and then that tapered out into a brittle wheeze.
“Suffer no umbrage,” soothed the shadowed creature. “None was meant.”
“I have read that book,” the sighing voice continued, bitterness lacing the words. “It was written… by a pompous wizard, hiding behind his… own impression of open-mindedness and tolerance, and he failed… to grasp the true horror of what he had penned.” There was a series of quick rasping breaths, and the shape lurched as though in pain. “But what he puts forth… will succeed.”
Spitting out the grape pip, he lifted his head and idly scratched the side of his nose. “And we don’t want that, do we?” he asked, listening to the glutinous wheezes.
The figure gave a violent start, and their indrawn breath sounded like a death rattle.
“He was made a hero!” the voice hissed out. “His sacrifices and bravery… extolled by the surviving members of the… Order. No one… would think… of punishing him for his sins and the corruptions of that… snivelling snake.”
Harsh breaths coming in desperate pants filled the space between them, and the old man reared back as he caught the scent carried on the thing’s breath: the sickly stench of rotting meat.
“I wish it for Snape… to suffer! Delay her!”
Author’s Notes: The required words are as follows.
-------- Words with definitions -----------
acumen \uh-KYOO-muhn; AK-yuh-muhn\, noun:
Quickness of perception or discernment; shrewdness shown by keen
insight.
---------------
cavil \KAV-uhl\, intransitive verb:
1. To raise trivial or frivolous objections; to find fault without
good reason.
2. To raise trivial objections to.
3. A trivial or frivolous objection.
-----------------
umbrage \UHM-brij\, noun:
1. Shade; shadow; hence, something that affords a shade, as a screen
of trees or foliage.
2. a. A vague or indistinct indication or suggestion; a hint.
3. b. Reason for doubt; suspicion.
4. Suspicion of injury or wrong; offense; resentment.
----------------
fetter \FET-uhr\, noun:
1. A chain or shackle for the feet; a bond; a shackle.
2. Anything that confines or restrains; a restraint.
3. To put fetters upon; to shackle or confine.
4. To restrain from progress or action; to impose restraints on; to
confine.
------------------
paean \PEE-uhn\, noun:
1. A joyous song of praise, triumph, or thanksgiving.
2. An expression of praise or joy.
--------------------
subfusc \sub-FUHSK\, adjective:
Dark or dull in color; drab, dusky.
-------------
latitudinarian \lat-uh-too-din-AIR-ee-un; -tyoo-\, adjective:
1. Having or expressing broad and tolerant views, especially in
religious matters.
2. A person who is broad-minded and tolerant; one who displays
freedom in thinking, especially in religious matters.
3. [Often capitalized] A member of the Church of England, in the time
of Charles II, who adopted more liberal notions in respect to the
authority, government, and doctrines of the church than generally
prevailed.
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Latest 25 Reviews for For Him
267 Reviews | 5.69/10 Average
Gosh... Can't you authors make things less complicated and angsty for once? ;))
Magnificent first chapter! Why isn't this fanfic completed yet?
This is very nice. (At least the last part, not Bella, of course.) Hermione's conflicts are very clear and believable, and I love the way you've shown young Sev. I'm a bit worried about older Severus--I'd like to see him a bit stronger, since it looks as if Bella will find him soon. But I wonder where Lucius has got to, now? Sorry to hear about your hands--that can be really painful. Have you tried a dictation program? They're amazing, once you learn them and get them used to your voice.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you again. It's reassuring for me that the characters and their interactions are believable. I've never really considered the dictation program--partly because I had no idea that such a thing existed, and partly because I find it very difficult to talk when I'm writing. That probably makes no sense, but everything seems to go straight from brain to fingers. Thank you... I'm hoping the fingers will start to behave soon, as most of my hobbies and work involves them. On the other hand, I do have a good excuse now as to why my granny squares look like some temporal distortion as seen on Star Trek.
You write so much better when you aren't trying to fit it around the vocabulary words! You clearly have a wonderful, convoluted plot in mind (assuming that all the threads eventually come together), and yet I have frequently been tempted to abandon your story, reading it through, because of the awkwardness of the language. It's never wise to try to use arcane words based only on their definitions, since the words you were given all have hooks and connotations and if you aren't fully familiar with the universe of the words you use, you can make errors that are really jarring--especially in writing that is otherwise smooth and competent. . I'm so glad the challenge is over, and I look forward to the rest of the story. (Except Bella, who is simply disgusting--those fingers!)
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. The drabble challenge was thrilling and... challenging. Trying to get it all done in less than 1,000 words was also very trying. I'm so glad that you managed to get past the vocabulary. My ignorance must have shone through quite a lot in the chapters, but I did enjoy the challenge of learning new words and trying to do them justice; I think it helped me quite a lot. It was great fun. Thank you again for the review.
"Armed with his wit—a wit that had kept him dancing just one step ahead of death for decades—and a fierce determination to discover if he could finally call himself free, Snape rode his anger like a devil and stepped into the storm."That? Is one of the most glorious sentences I've read in a long time. It made me *shiver* with pleasure and anticipation.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for the review, and I'm sorry for the delay in response. I'm so thrilled that the line was a good one. Thank you for reading.
VERY INTERESTING READING. WHAT SUSPENSE! I FOUND THIS STORY AGAIN, I READ IT LAST YEAR AND ITS STILL WHERE IT WAS, I HOPE YOU ARE WORKING ON AN UPDATE. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. YOU HAVE ME HOOKED! ;D
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello. It's lovely to read your review. I am working, very slowly; I have had to put writing on hold for quite a while now. I hope to get back to everything 'fanfiction' in the next few weeks.
wow...just wow. this is so well written and interestingly plotted. thanks so much
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello again :) Thanks for reading!Thank you for those kind words. Hope you enjoy the rest of this tale.
This reality is terrifying. Will Snape be able to hold on to his sanity? Who is this voice he hears?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello :) It's lovely to see you again.Thank you for the review and the stars.I know this is mean, but you'll find out :D
OK, I got lost on this chapter. I'm going to re-read it tomorrow. So far the story is pretty good though.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for that :) I hope that the next chapters make more sense.
I think Hermione should let someone else know what is going on. She is taking risks that don't need to be taken.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
True, but don't you find that logical people tend to be the last to see the logic of a situation, especially when it's personal.Thanks for the review and the stars :)
It's getting interesting. Poor Ron feels threatened by Hermione's distance I think.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you :)Ron always strikes me as being rather insecure; JKR makes him work hard for eveything.
Not bad, I'm wondering why Lucius isn't the ring leader.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Does he feel that he could be?Thanks again :)
The old man in this chapter, is he the same old man from the hospital?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Yes, he is. :)Thanks for the stars :)
Well, there is certainly some hidden agenda here.Not bad, although I'd like more description of thoughts, feelings etc. However, that may have been planned for this chapter.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review. This was in response to a Dictionary Drabble challenge, and as result, quite a few of the chapters are constrained by length and specific words to use. I didn't delve as much as I would have liked. Hopefully, the chapters will become more satisfying as they go on.I will say that I have changed the rating, as the story does darken in places; this may not yet be apparent, so I thought I'd warn you about the rating change--just in case it's now not quite your cup of tea. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Good start, I liked how you had Hermione as compassionate 'healing the soul, instead of the body'.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)
I as a little confused about Bella's plan as well, but then I read your reply to ClayPotter and and went all "ah!".The parts about Snape are about the best I have read in a long time! Wow! As for “I’m not crabby; I’m complicated.” I am so going to print that on a t-shirt!/M
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review :) Some aspects of this were written so long ago, that I think some pieces aren't connecting as well as they should. I will fix that!I really enjoyed going back to Snape--the poor dear has been neglected.Shucks! I should have thought of the t-shirt thing first! I will--promise!--get to your wonderful story as soon as some annoying other stuff has disappeared :)
I hate to admit this but, I am totally confused now. I can only assume that Bella put a finger inside each of Hermione and Draco, then wiped their memories clean of the horrible incident. So now she can take over either one of them at any moment as she wishes? But since she can only inhabit one person at a time, she is still inside Meadows during the house hunting incident?Please help me understand what is going on. That previous chapter was so horrifying, and this one makes no mention of their torture, or how they got out of it, or anything.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Yes, she has put a finger inside them and wiped their memories. Bella is still in Meadowes. I will do another chapter with her as the main character; she can have a chat with Meadowes about what she's planning. That should clarify things. Her idea to use Hermione and Draco was very spur of the moment, but she needed somewhere safe to keep those fingers. The fingers are her anchor points, if you like. She can site one and travel to and from it at will, or use it to fall back on if one is destroyed. Think of inns dotted along long roads: resting places for travellers heading towards their destination. She has yet to place all of them--eight remaining. She herself cannot move more than a set distance from her current anchor, so she needs the anchor to be carried--Draco and Hermione have the anchors with them at all times and carry them around--Bella doesn't have to possess either of them, but she can use them as a base to possess someone else. Bella knows that Hermione wants to help Snape and that she has access to all those who worked against Voldemort (the Order members, including Harry); all those who Bella wishes to take vengeance upon. It makes no mention, because no one knows--there are hints ... Hermione rubbing her belly, thinking that she ate something funny, but nothing else, because if they knew, they'd remove what they were carrying. Bella didn't want to torture them as such; granted, she enjoyed doing it (she IS a nutcase, remember :D), but she didn't want to create any lasting problems. I hope that clarified something... anything....
Response from ClayPotter (Reviewer)
Yes, I understand now. Thanks so much for the clarification.
Sorry. Can't read any more. Your rating is too low. The gratuitous violence of Wrapping Gifts bumps it into MA, and I'm not interested in Bella enough to continue reading this.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Fair enough. Thanks for reading thus far. I will, of course, ask one of the admins to seek their opinion on the rating and change it accordingly, and I will use their advice to rate future chapters.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for pointing out the inappropriate rating. I have upped it to M(R)--for mature teens.
ooooooo!
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Given the stars, I'm edging my bets that that was a good 'ooooooo!' :DGlad you're liking it!Thank you.
Response from keske (Reviewer)
yeah! a very good OOOOOO!
So, how are they going to get out of that?!
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
It's a bit tricky, isnt it? :DThanks for staying with this story and for reviewing :)
wow! i'm speachless! thanks so much
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Glad you liked it :)Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Hanibal Lector meets The Exorcist. I'm impressed!And as horrible Bella is, I must tell you how much I love the way you depict Lucius and Narcissa. Truly lovely./M
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)They just want their happy-ever-after. Thanks for reading... makes me all giddy with happiness :)
So far our heroes are always being out flanked by Bella. Are they ever going to win and cure Severus?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)In truth, they're not actually fighting against Bella--they have no idea that Bella is even up and around and a problem. What is happening here is taking place over a few days. I guess that posting at rather irregular intervals may be seemingly stretching this out--sorry :(The ingredients arrived on Friday, they saw 'Meadowes' on Saturday and by Wednesday, the Malfoys will be... possiby... your neighbours :DBella is following her own little agenda, and Hermione and Draco are now a huge part of that... whether they want to be or not.I can sense your possible frustration, so I'll try and get some very long chapters done to help speed this along. Many thanks for reading this story and taking the time to review :)
That was dark. How is this going to work out?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review.This is the darkest chapter in this story. I won't be delving into such shadows again. Err... are you asking if this is going to have a 'happy-ending'? Or are you just querying if the story will descend into a pure horror tale?
Response from makaem (Reviewer)
It was more of a general whine on my part. I like to guess where I think a story is headed-- in this case I'm drawing a blank, at least for anything that will bode well for Hermione. So I'll just have to wait. As for the question, I don't really expect to get an answer (although one would be nice), I stick those in a lot of my reviews. It means I like a story enough to do the equivalent of thinking outloud. But, as a general rule, do you do horror stories?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
So... you like the story *grins* but feel that it could do with some more clues.... okay. I've just responded to another email about doing some longer chapters to help speed things up... I'll see if I can also make them more satisfying for you.Regarding horror, I do enjoy reading horrror and some of my stories do incorporate the genre. Maybe I will write one dedicated to it s some point.Thank you for reviewing and reading the story :)
Response from makaem (Reviewer)
Crap, now I feel awkward. I didn't do a very good job of answering your question. I started to say that I was usually pretty good at figuring out plot line, but that your story was keeping me guessing. Then I decided that sounded too arrogant on my part... You don't need to drop more clues. Your story is great just the way you've written it. I meant that as a complement, but I didn't say it very well. MA
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
I didn't mean to make you feel awkward--sorry.My concern was that I was being far too vague and not providing enough information, resulting in a confusing and inaccesible plot. I can breathe easy now... you're enjoying the story.Thank you for the lovely compliment :)
Oh, okay, Poor Severus hope from a patch of blue sky, and then lost it. Meadows - he's so trapped. I hope Hermione sees rigth through him.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review :)I'm sure that he'll have his patch of blue again.Next chapter is in the queue... and well... er... :D