For Him
Chapter 1 of 26
sweetflagWhen Hermione discovers that an incurable Snape has been left to waste in a secret hospital ward, she sets out to do what so many have failed to do before and cure him.
This is my response to the Dictionary Drabble Challenge. The chapters have to be less than one thousand words and contain the listed words.
Reviewed“As you can see, we hold out little hope with this case, Miss Granger.”
The Healer’s fustian tone was so disparate to their portrayed aura of care and healing that it made her shiver. But she wasn’t here to pick fault with their conduct; hopefully, another would do that with more vigour and pertinence than she.
Her sherry-hued eyes shimmered with unshed tears as they latched upon the thin wizard wasting in the spartan room no better than a cell. Disgust at the unfairness of it welled-up like pus in a suppurating wound, and she bit down on her lip to stifle her vile outpouring. Severus Snape had saved them, and when he needed saving, no one seemed capable or willing.
“You may of course stay with him.”
“So kind,” she responded with saccharin sweetness.
Her lips curved into a sneer as her sarcasm passed over his apathetic head; already, his lips had mumbled a goodbye and his legs were leading him away. Narrowed eyes and ill-will followed his retreating back until he disappeared from view.
The small room had no door, just a narrow opening, and she hesitated upon the threshold. Chewing on her lip, she felt rather small, standing up against the best of the Healing profession; she summoned the fire that had warmed her belly and scorched away her post-War numbness, the flame that had ignited when she had discovered that Severus Snape was in a sub rosa ward of St Mungo’s.
Hopeless, love.
She loved Ron, but his cold brush-off of Snape’s condition had riled her and been the spark that had created the wildfire that roared within her… and it felt magnificent! Alive and hot with new-found purpose, she had scrounged up all that was known of Snape after his encounter with Nagini, and it was meagre. The Healers had been parsimonious to the point pf paranoia, and the increased unease made her more determined; she had worked and studied, filled every available minute with the method of saving Severus Snape.
Fuelled and fierce, she had tracked down the Healer she had needed, and after a short and intense chat, he had led her down to the area set aside for the ‘incurables’, those who tarnished the good reputation of the hospital—not his words, of course, but she heard them in each carefully constructed response. Severus Snape should be well and mobile, as irascible and as sarcastic as ever, but instead, was as sentient and as vicious as a limp leaf.
It was so strange looking down upon him; the man who had stormed through the corridors of Hogwarts, the man who had been so … vital was so horrifically lifeless. A whimper wormed its way up from her chest and slipped past her trembling lips. The black-clad frame had always been lean, but eight months in hospital had ironically withered him into a skeleton of a man; flaccid tendons poked up through pale skin and neglected nails erupted from the stick-thin fingers.
I know that he did so much for us, Hermione, but what can you do that the whole of the Medi-Wizardry profession hasn’t done? C’mon, love, I know that it’s tough, but he’s a casualty, just like so many others.
Ron’s parting words had been a double-edged sword; they had slashed at her self-esteem, but in the other hand, they had given her the sharp edge to slice away at the last of her doubts and insecurities; the latter moiety had given her the cutting edge to ease the pain in her conscience. She had brandished Ron’s words before her and parried and riposted every obstacle.
But now!
Staring down at him, her resolve shattered, and she was left reeling at her own arrogance—how could she have even thought that she could help? Squeezing shut her eyes until blue spots flared in the darkness and the orbs hurt, she tried to quell the rising torrent of despair and focus on the plan… the one cultivated in the quiet times, the one nurtured in secret: the one that she had dubbed ‘Sub Rosa’.
It had to work.
Nagini’s poison had been studied exhaustively; every aspect of that viper’s vile venom had been painstakingly examined, and she had slowly discovered the secrets held within the toxin—it was as dire as any Dark curse!
It had seeped beneath his skin and up into his brain where it had taken a firm and vicious grip, keeping his mind trapped within the same destructive thoughts that must have haunted his waking moments and tormented him in his sleep. The venom was flooding his skull, drowning him in his past sins, soaking him in terrific remorse; and despite his sacrifices and suffering in allying himself with the Order, he was contrite: lost in a river of his unshed tears. To be free of the venom, he had to forgive himself.
Weeping softly for him, she sat on the thin sliver of mattress by his side and gently caressed his cheek. Bending so that her lips were close to his ear, she poured her heart out into what she hoped was a route to his mind. Whispering words of forgiveness, she attempted what others had failed to do and cure his soul, rather than his wound.
Footsteps heralded the end of her visit, and she was waiting at the threshold when the elderly orderly arrived to take her back to the exit. Bent and wizened, the old man grinned toothlessly at her as they walked silently along the gloomy hallways, and for some reason, she felt some connection to the quiet man.
At the hidden doorway from ‘sub rosa’, he gently grabbed her elbow and nodded meaningfully.
“It’s good that someone knows what’s needed, lass. I guess that I’ll be seeing ye again soon and quite often.”
Smiling, she nodded and patted his liver-spotted hand, staring over his bowed shoulder into the darkness that would be awaiting her—and for him, she would be willing.
Author Notes: The words and their definitions are listed below.
-------- Words with definitions -----------
sub rosa \suhb-ROH-zuh\, adverb:
1. Secretly; privately; confidentially.
2. Designed to be secret or confidential; secretive; private.
----------
disparate \DIS-puh-rit; dis-PAIR-it\, adjective:
1. Fundamentally different or distinct in quality or kind.
2. Composed of or including markedly dissimilar elements.
-----------
fustian \FUHS-chuhn\, noun:
1. A kind of coarse twilled cotton or cotton and linen stuff,
including corduroy, velveteen, etc.
2. An inflated style of writing or speech; pompous or pretentious
language.
3. Made of fustian.
4. Pompous; ridiculously inflated; bombastic.
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contrite \KON-tryt; kuhn-TRYT\, adjective:
1. Deeply affected with grief and regret for having done wrong;
penitent; as, "a contrite sinner."
2. Expressing or arising from contrition; as, "contrite words."
--------------
moiety \MOY-uh-tee\, noun:
1. One of two equal parts; a half.
2. An indefinite part; a small portion or share.
3. One of two basic tribal subdivisions.
-----------
sentient \SEN-shee-uhnt; -tee-; -shuhnt\, adjective:
1. Capable of perceiving by the senses; conscious.
2. Experiencing sensation or feeling.
--------------
parsimonious \par-suh-MOH-nee-uhs\, adjective:
Sparing in expenditure; frugal to excess.
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Latest 25 Reviews for For Him
267 Reviews | 5.69/10 Average
Gosh... Can't you authors make things less complicated and angsty for once? ;))
Magnificent first chapter! Why isn't this fanfic completed yet?
This is very nice. (At least the last part, not Bella, of course.) Hermione's conflicts are very clear and believable, and I love the way you've shown young Sev. I'm a bit worried about older Severus--I'd like to see him a bit stronger, since it looks as if Bella will find him soon. But I wonder where Lucius has got to, now? Sorry to hear about your hands--that can be really painful. Have you tried a dictation program? They're amazing, once you learn them and get them used to your voice.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you again. It's reassuring for me that the characters and their interactions are believable. I've never really considered the dictation program--partly because I had no idea that such a thing existed, and partly because I find it very difficult to talk when I'm writing. That probably makes no sense, but everything seems to go straight from brain to fingers. Thank you... I'm hoping the fingers will start to behave soon, as most of my hobbies and work involves them. On the other hand, I do have a good excuse now as to why my granny squares look like some temporal distortion as seen on Star Trek.
You write so much better when you aren't trying to fit it around the vocabulary words! You clearly have a wonderful, convoluted plot in mind (assuming that all the threads eventually come together), and yet I have frequently been tempted to abandon your story, reading it through, because of the awkwardness of the language. It's never wise to try to use arcane words based only on their definitions, since the words you were given all have hooks and connotations and if you aren't fully familiar with the universe of the words you use, you can make errors that are really jarring--especially in writing that is otherwise smooth and competent. . I'm so glad the challenge is over, and I look forward to the rest of the story. (Except Bella, who is simply disgusting--those fingers!)
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. The drabble challenge was thrilling and... challenging. Trying to get it all done in less than 1,000 words was also very trying. I'm so glad that you managed to get past the vocabulary. My ignorance must have shone through quite a lot in the chapters, but I did enjoy the challenge of learning new words and trying to do them justice; I think it helped me quite a lot. It was great fun. Thank you again for the review.
"Armed with his wit—a wit that had kept him dancing just one step ahead of death for decades—and a fierce determination to discover if he could finally call himself free, Snape rode his anger like a devil and stepped into the storm."That? Is one of the most glorious sentences I've read in a long time. It made me *shiver* with pleasure and anticipation.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for the review, and I'm sorry for the delay in response. I'm so thrilled that the line was a good one. Thank you for reading.
VERY INTERESTING READING. WHAT SUSPENSE! I FOUND THIS STORY AGAIN, I READ IT LAST YEAR AND ITS STILL WHERE IT WAS, I HOPE YOU ARE WORKING ON AN UPDATE. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. YOU HAVE ME HOOKED! ;D
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello. It's lovely to read your review. I am working, very slowly; I have had to put writing on hold for quite a while now. I hope to get back to everything 'fanfiction' in the next few weeks.
wow...just wow. this is so well written and interestingly plotted. thanks so much
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello again :) Thanks for reading!Thank you for those kind words. Hope you enjoy the rest of this tale.
This reality is terrifying. Will Snape be able to hold on to his sanity? Who is this voice he hears?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello :) It's lovely to see you again.Thank you for the review and the stars.I know this is mean, but you'll find out :D
OK, I got lost on this chapter. I'm going to re-read it tomorrow. So far the story is pretty good though.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for that :) I hope that the next chapters make more sense.
I think Hermione should let someone else know what is going on. She is taking risks that don't need to be taken.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
True, but don't you find that logical people tend to be the last to see the logic of a situation, especially when it's personal.Thanks for the review and the stars :)
It's getting interesting. Poor Ron feels threatened by Hermione's distance I think.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you :)Ron always strikes me as being rather insecure; JKR makes him work hard for eveything.
Not bad, I'm wondering why Lucius isn't the ring leader.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Does he feel that he could be?Thanks again :)
The old man in this chapter, is he the same old man from the hospital?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Yes, he is. :)Thanks for the stars :)
Well, there is certainly some hidden agenda here.Not bad, although I'd like more description of thoughts, feelings etc. However, that may have been planned for this chapter.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review. This was in response to a Dictionary Drabble challenge, and as result, quite a few of the chapters are constrained by length and specific words to use. I didn't delve as much as I would have liked. Hopefully, the chapters will become more satisfying as they go on.I will say that I have changed the rating, as the story does darken in places; this may not yet be apparent, so I thought I'd warn you about the rating change--just in case it's now not quite your cup of tea. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Good start, I liked how you had Hermione as compassionate 'healing the soul, instead of the body'.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)
I as a little confused about Bella's plan as well, but then I read your reply to ClayPotter and and went all "ah!".The parts about Snape are about the best I have read in a long time! Wow! As for “I’m not crabby; I’m complicated.” I am so going to print that on a t-shirt!/M
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review :) Some aspects of this were written so long ago, that I think some pieces aren't connecting as well as they should. I will fix that!I really enjoyed going back to Snape--the poor dear has been neglected.Shucks! I should have thought of the t-shirt thing first! I will--promise!--get to your wonderful story as soon as some annoying other stuff has disappeared :)
I hate to admit this but, I am totally confused now. I can only assume that Bella put a finger inside each of Hermione and Draco, then wiped their memories clean of the horrible incident. So now she can take over either one of them at any moment as she wishes? But since she can only inhabit one person at a time, she is still inside Meadows during the house hunting incident?Please help me understand what is going on. That previous chapter was so horrifying, and this one makes no mention of their torture, or how they got out of it, or anything.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Yes, she has put a finger inside them and wiped their memories. Bella is still in Meadowes. I will do another chapter with her as the main character; she can have a chat with Meadowes about what she's planning. That should clarify things. Her idea to use Hermione and Draco was very spur of the moment, but she needed somewhere safe to keep those fingers. The fingers are her anchor points, if you like. She can site one and travel to and from it at will, or use it to fall back on if one is destroyed. Think of inns dotted along long roads: resting places for travellers heading towards their destination. She has yet to place all of them--eight remaining. She herself cannot move more than a set distance from her current anchor, so she needs the anchor to be carried--Draco and Hermione have the anchors with them at all times and carry them around--Bella doesn't have to possess either of them, but she can use them as a base to possess someone else. Bella knows that Hermione wants to help Snape and that she has access to all those who worked against Voldemort (the Order members, including Harry); all those who Bella wishes to take vengeance upon. It makes no mention, because no one knows--there are hints ... Hermione rubbing her belly, thinking that she ate something funny, but nothing else, because if they knew, they'd remove what they were carrying. Bella didn't want to torture them as such; granted, she enjoyed doing it (she IS a nutcase, remember :D), but she didn't want to create any lasting problems. I hope that clarified something... anything....
Response from ClayPotter (Reviewer)
Yes, I understand now. Thanks so much for the clarification.
Sorry. Can't read any more. Your rating is too low. The gratuitous violence of Wrapping Gifts bumps it into MA, and I'm not interested in Bella enough to continue reading this.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Fair enough. Thanks for reading thus far. I will, of course, ask one of the admins to seek their opinion on the rating and change it accordingly, and I will use their advice to rate future chapters.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for pointing out the inappropriate rating. I have upped it to M(R)--for mature teens.
ooooooo!
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Given the stars, I'm edging my bets that that was a good 'ooooooo!' :DGlad you're liking it!Thank you.
Response from keske (Reviewer)
yeah! a very good OOOOOO!
So, how are they going to get out of that?!
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
It's a bit tricky, isnt it? :DThanks for staying with this story and for reviewing :)
wow! i'm speachless! thanks so much
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Glad you liked it :)Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Hanibal Lector meets The Exorcist. I'm impressed!And as horrible Bella is, I must tell you how much I love the way you depict Lucius and Narcissa. Truly lovely./M
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)They just want their happy-ever-after. Thanks for reading... makes me all giddy with happiness :)
So far our heroes are always being out flanked by Bella. Are they ever going to win and cure Severus?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)In truth, they're not actually fighting against Bella--they have no idea that Bella is even up and around and a problem. What is happening here is taking place over a few days. I guess that posting at rather irregular intervals may be seemingly stretching this out--sorry :(The ingredients arrived on Friday, they saw 'Meadowes' on Saturday and by Wednesday, the Malfoys will be... possiby... your neighbours :DBella is following her own little agenda, and Hermione and Draco are now a huge part of that... whether they want to be or not.I can sense your possible frustration, so I'll try and get some very long chapters done to help speed this along. Many thanks for reading this story and taking the time to review :)
That was dark. How is this going to work out?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review.This is the darkest chapter in this story. I won't be delving into such shadows again. Err... are you asking if this is going to have a 'happy-ending'? Or are you just querying if the story will descend into a pure horror tale?
Response from makaem (Reviewer)
It was more of a general whine on my part. I like to guess where I think a story is headed-- in this case I'm drawing a blank, at least for anything that will bode well for Hermione. So I'll just have to wait. As for the question, I don't really expect to get an answer (although one would be nice), I stick those in a lot of my reviews. It means I like a story enough to do the equivalent of thinking outloud. But, as a general rule, do you do horror stories?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
So... you like the story *grins* but feel that it could do with some more clues.... okay. I've just responded to another email about doing some longer chapters to help speed things up... I'll see if I can also make them more satisfying for you.Regarding horror, I do enjoy reading horrror and some of my stories do incorporate the genre. Maybe I will write one dedicated to it s some point.Thank you for reviewing and reading the story :)
Response from makaem (Reviewer)
Crap, now I feel awkward. I didn't do a very good job of answering your question. I started to say that I was usually pretty good at figuring out plot line, but that your story was keeping me guessing. Then I decided that sounded too arrogant on my part... You don't need to drop more clues. Your story is great just the way you've written it. I meant that as a complement, but I didn't say it very well. MA
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
I didn't mean to make you feel awkward--sorry.My concern was that I was being far too vague and not providing enough information, resulting in a confusing and inaccesible plot. I can breathe easy now... you're enjoying the story.Thank you for the lovely compliment :)
Oh, okay, Poor Severus hope from a patch of blue sky, and then lost it. Meadows - he's so trapped. I hope Hermione sees rigth through him.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review :)I'm sure that he'll have his patch of blue again.Next chapter is in the queue... and well... er... :D