... The Devil Rides.
Chapter 4 of 26
sweetflagWhen Hermione discovers that an incurable Snape has been left to waste in a secret hospital ward, she sets out to do what so many have failed to do before and cure him.
This is my response to the Dictionary Drabble Challenge. The chapters have to be less than one thousand words and contain the listed words.
ReviewedThere was no abating of it; the storm was unrelenting. Shivering and crouched in the lea of the rocks, his eyes darted along the flat horizon. There was no surcease in the level landscape with its stiff gorse and spindly, twisted trees, and nothing to draw his eye as to a better place to be. A surge of panic made him whimper and slump against the boulder: never had he felt so vulnerable or uncertain. Wandless and without any hint of a way to escape this place or even how to survive here, his mind spiralled down further until his heart was fluttering wildly and his breath was the merest, frantic movement of air over his twitching lips.
~X~
The small room was even more invisible than Sub Rosa—had she known or even cared—and the heavy spells surrounding it were an ironic façade to the fact that they had no idea how to contain her or even if she needed containing. Hiding her in the deepest part of the hospital had been the only option at the time, and over time, the need for her to remain concealed intensified.
The Governor of Azkaban had been vehement in his refusal to take responsibility for her, and it was only her apparent powerlessness which mollified St Mungo’s into keeping the wasting form. It was an uneasy compromise, to forgo convention and accept her, even though she was technically still a prisoner of that dreaded gaol. It was decided that she would be sealed away while they pondered how best to deal with her.
~X~
He knew that he should have told his so-called superiors about her ability to communicate; should have told them about the whispered pleas and rasping mutterings, and without hesitation, he should have informed them that she was, to some degree, mobile, but a certain schadenfreude had kept him tight-lipped, and he had kept it quiet so he could revel in her terror. It had been his downfall.
How she had managed it, eluded him; her condition should have precluded any kind of output, yet somehow, she made herself heard, and her words had trapped him. For months, he had ignored what she offered, for months he had held himself aloof from allying himself with such as she—his beloved Dorcas would never forgive him! Yet, because of his beloved, he had finally crumbled and succumbed to the creature’s whims.
And for his sins, he now knelt in the rubble of a cottage, weeping silent, angry tears. The basement of ‘Potemkin Village’ had long since been cleared out by Aurors who had investigated it decades before, and time had eaten away at the rest until it had collapsed in upon itself. The talisman he had created from the almost sacred strands of Dorcas’ hair, hung limply and unresponsively from its silver chain. There was nothing of her here: no remains to gather and finally restore to their proper place. His vow to his wife was as unfulfilled now as it had been before his dubious alliance.
Closing his eyes, the image of that awful keeper of secrets filled his mind, and he snarled out, letting the anger rampage and riot within him. For the first time in memory, Fulton Meadowes felt stirrings of resentment towards his long-dead wife—how could she have placed such a burden upon me? But he loved her, and if she wanted to be buried with their children—the children that Voldemort had murdered—then so be it!
The anger shifted and refocused upon the decaying woman in the bowels of Sub Rosa, and using its heat, he pondered how he could rid himself of such an abomination. The edge of the oval-shaped talisman bit into his palm, and a dark chuckle slipped past his curved lips as an idea proliferated in his previously listless brain. It was delightful! How often had he heard the once grandee wizard whisper his wish that Severus Snape was well? Standing and smirking, he brushed the dust from his knees and Disapparated.
~X~
The patina of a wizard coping well with the flung mud was expertly pasted upon his pale features, and it would take a second, more probing, scrutiny to see the lines etched into that skin and the unhealthy hue of his sclera. Watching from the shadows, Meadowes saw the tall, elegant wizard buffeted and jostled by the ribald merriment of those who revelled in the sight of the mighty falling.
It had disgusted and wounded many that the pale man had escaped Azkaban, but Meadowes had heard the desperate pleas and the heartfelt sorrow of the man, and knew that there was a soul that needed some cleansing. His grin widened as Lucius Malfoy slipped through the doorway to be swallowed by the shadows of Sub Rosa. What better way to destroy a Death Eater than with a Death Eater? His smile became wry; and by a merry happenstance, the same Death Eater would aid in the recovery of another.
~X~
The black-clad man lurched to his feet, and for the merest moment, it looked as though that lean frame would crumple back to the hard ground, but a hand darted out, gripping the stones, and the man stood tall. From some recess that the horrors of his situation could not pollute, he summoned a strength to batter at his intense dread. Armed with his wit—a wit that had kept him dancing just one step ahead of death for decades—and a fierce determination to discover if he could finally call himself free, Snape rode his anger like a devil and stepped into the storm.
Author’s Notes: By way of explanation, I have created the character Fulton Meadowes, and for the purposes of this, he is the widower of Dorcas Meadowes, the witch who was murdered by Voldemort himself. He works as an orderly within Sub Rosa, and is the wizened wizard who took a liking to Hermione at the end of the first chapter. My apologies for the earlier vagueness.
Words and their definitions are listed below.
1. listless
2. vehement
3. ribald
4. forgo
5. schadenfreude
6. grandee
7. patina
-----------words with definitions---------------
listless \LIST-lis\, adjective:
Having no desire or inclination; indifferent; heedless; spiritless.
--LISTLESSLY, adverb -- LISTLESSNESS, noun
------------------
vehement \VEE-uh-muhnt\, adjective:
1. Characterised by intensity of emotions or convictions, or
forcefulness of expression.
2. Characterised by or acting with great force or energy; strong.
----------------
ribald \RIB-uhld; RY-bawld\, adjective:
1. Characterised by or given to vulgar humour; coarse.
2. A ribald person; a lewd fellow.
----------------
forgo \for-GO\, transitive verb;
Inflected forms: forwent, forgone, forgoing, forgoes:
To abstain from; to do without.
---------------
schadenfreude \SHOD-n-froy-duh\, noun:
A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.
---------------
grandee \gran-DEE\, noun:
1. A man of elevated rank or station.
2. In Spain or Portugal, a nobleman of the first rank.
--------------
patina \PAT-n-uh; puh-TEEN-uh\, noun:
1. The colour or incrustation which age gives to works of art;
especially, the green rust which covers ancient bronzes, coins, and
medals.
2. The sheen on any surface, produced by age and use.
3. An appearance or aura produced by habit, practice, or use.
4. A superficial layer or exterior.
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Latest 25 Reviews for For Him
267 Reviews | 5.69/10 Average
Gosh... Can't you authors make things less complicated and angsty for once? ;))
Magnificent first chapter! Why isn't this fanfic completed yet?
This is very nice. (At least the last part, not Bella, of course.) Hermione's conflicts are very clear and believable, and I love the way you've shown young Sev. I'm a bit worried about older Severus--I'd like to see him a bit stronger, since it looks as if Bella will find him soon. But I wonder where Lucius has got to, now? Sorry to hear about your hands--that can be really painful. Have you tried a dictation program? They're amazing, once you learn them and get them used to your voice.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you again. It's reassuring for me that the characters and their interactions are believable. I've never really considered the dictation program--partly because I had no idea that such a thing existed, and partly because I find it very difficult to talk when I'm writing. That probably makes no sense, but everything seems to go straight from brain to fingers. Thank you... I'm hoping the fingers will start to behave soon, as most of my hobbies and work involves them. On the other hand, I do have a good excuse now as to why my granny squares look like some temporal distortion as seen on Star Trek.
You write so much better when you aren't trying to fit it around the vocabulary words! You clearly have a wonderful, convoluted plot in mind (assuming that all the threads eventually come together), and yet I have frequently been tempted to abandon your story, reading it through, because of the awkwardness of the language. It's never wise to try to use arcane words based only on their definitions, since the words you were given all have hooks and connotations and if you aren't fully familiar with the universe of the words you use, you can make errors that are really jarring--especially in writing that is otherwise smooth and competent. . I'm so glad the challenge is over, and I look forward to the rest of the story. (Except Bella, who is simply disgusting--those fingers!)
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. The drabble challenge was thrilling and... challenging. Trying to get it all done in less than 1,000 words was also very trying. I'm so glad that you managed to get past the vocabulary. My ignorance must have shone through quite a lot in the chapters, but I did enjoy the challenge of learning new words and trying to do them justice; I think it helped me quite a lot. It was great fun. Thank you again for the review.
"Armed with his wit—a wit that had kept him dancing just one step ahead of death for decades—and a fierce determination to discover if he could finally call himself free, Snape rode his anger like a devil and stepped into the storm."That? Is one of the most glorious sentences I've read in a long time. It made me *shiver* with pleasure and anticipation.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for the review, and I'm sorry for the delay in response. I'm so thrilled that the line was a good one. Thank you for reading.
VERY INTERESTING READING. WHAT SUSPENSE! I FOUND THIS STORY AGAIN, I READ IT LAST YEAR AND ITS STILL WHERE IT WAS, I HOPE YOU ARE WORKING ON AN UPDATE. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. YOU HAVE ME HOOKED! ;D
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello. It's lovely to read your review. I am working, very slowly; I have had to put writing on hold for quite a while now. I hope to get back to everything 'fanfiction' in the next few weeks.
wow...just wow. this is so well written and interestingly plotted. thanks so much
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello again :) Thanks for reading!Thank you for those kind words. Hope you enjoy the rest of this tale.
This reality is terrifying. Will Snape be able to hold on to his sanity? Who is this voice he hears?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Hello :) It's lovely to see you again.Thank you for the review and the stars.I know this is mean, but you'll find out :D
OK, I got lost on this chapter. I'm going to re-read it tomorrow. So far the story is pretty good though.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you so much for that :) I hope that the next chapters make more sense.
I think Hermione should let someone else know what is going on. She is taking risks that don't need to be taken.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
True, but don't you find that logical people tend to be the last to see the logic of a situation, especially when it's personal.Thanks for the review and the stars :)
It's getting interesting. Poor Ron feels threatened by Hermione's distance I think.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you :)Ron always strikes me as being rather insecure; JKR makes him work hard for eveything.
Not bad, I'm wondering why Lucius isn't the ring leader.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Does he feel that he could be?Thanks again :)
The old man in this chapter, is he the same old man from the hospital?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Yes, he is. :)Thanks for the stars :)
Well, there is certainly some hidden agenda here.Not bad, although I'd like more description of thoughts, feelings etc. However, that may have been planned for this chapter.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review. This was in response to a Dictionary Drabble challenge, and as result, quite a few of the chapters are constrained by length and specific words to use. I didn't delve as much as I would have liked. Hopefully, the chapters will become more satisfying as they go on.I will say that I have changed the rating, as the story does darken in places; this may not yet be apparent, so I thought I'd warn you about the rating change--just in case it's now not quite your cup of tea. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Good start, I liked how you had Hermione as compassionate 'healing the soul, instead of the body'.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)
I as a little confused about Bella's plan as well, but then I read your reply to ClayPotter and and went all "ah!".The parts about Snape are about the best I have read in a long time! Wow! As for “I’m not crabby; I’m complicated.” I am so going to print that on a t-shirt!/M
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review :) Some aspects of this were written so long ago, that I think some pieces aren't connecting as well as they should. I will fix that!I really enjoyed going back to Snape--the poor dear has been neglected.Shucks! I should have thought of the t-shirt thing first! I will--promise!--get to your wonderful story as soon as some annoying other stuff has disappeared :)
I hate to admit this but, I am totally confused now. I can only assume that Bella put a finger inside each of Hermione and Draco, then wiped their memories clean of the horrible incident. So now she can take over either one of them at any moment as she wishes? But since she can only inhabit one person at a time, she is still inside Meadows during the house hunting incident?Please help me understand what is going on. That previous chapter was so horrifying, and this one makes no mention of their torture, or how they got out of it, or anything.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Yes, she has put a finger inside them and wiped their memories. Bella is still in Meadowes. I will do another chapter with her as the main character; she can have a chat with Meadowes about what she's planning. That should clarify things. Her idea to use Hermione and Draco was very spur of the moment, but she needed somewhere safe to keep those fingers. The fingers are her anchor points, if you like. She can site one and travel to and from it at will, or use it to fall back on if one is destroyed. Think of inns dotted along long roads: resting places for travellers heading towards their destination. She has yet to place all of them--eight remaining. She herself cannot move more than a set distance from her current anchor, so she needs the anchor to be carried--Draco and Hermione have the anchors with them at all times and carry them around--Bella doesn't have to possess either of them, but she can use them as a base to possess someone else. Bella knows that Hermione wants to help Snape and that she has access to all those who worked against Voldemort (the Order members, including Harry); all those who Bella wishes to take vengeance upon. It makes no mention, because no one knows--there are hints ... Hermione rubbing her belly, thinking that she ate something funny, but nothing else, because if they knew, they'd remove what they were carrying. Bella didn't want to torture them as such; granted, she enjoyed doing it (she IS a nutcase, remember :D), but she didn't want to create any lasting problems. I hope that clarified something... anything....
Response from ClayPotter (Reviewer)
Yes, I understand now. Thanks so much for the clarification.
Sorry. Can't read any more. Your rating is too low. The gratuitous violence of Wrapping Gifts bumps it into MA, and I'm not interested in Bella enough to continue reading this.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Fair enough. Thanks for reading thus far. I will, of course, ask one of the admins to seek their opinion on the rating and change it accordingly, and I will use their advice to rate future chapters.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for pointing out the inappropriate rating. I have upped it to M(R)--for mature teens.
ooooooo!
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Given the stars, I'm edging my bets that that was a good 'ooooooo!' :DGlad you're liking it!Thank you.
Response from keske (Reviewer)
yeah! a very good OOOOOO!
So, how are they going to get out of that?!
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
It's a bit tricky, isnt it? :DThanks for staying with this story and for reviewing :)
wow! i'm speachless! thanks so much
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Glad you liked it :)Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Hanibal Lector meets The Exorcist. I'm impressed!And as horrible Bella is, I must tell you how much I love the way you depict Lucius and Narcissa. Truly lovely./M
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)They just want their happy-ever-after. Thanks for reading... makes me all giddy with happiness :)
So far our heroes are always being out flanked by Bella. Are they ever going to win and cure Severus?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thank you for the review :)In truth, they're not actually fighting against Bella--they have no idea that Bella is even up and around and a problem. What is happening here is taking place over a few days. I guess that posting at rather irregular intervals may be seemingly stretching this out--sorry :(The ingredients arrived on Friday, they saw 'Meadowes' on Saturday and by Wednesday, the Malfoys will be... possiby... your neighbours :DBella is following her own little agenda, and Hermione and Draco are now a huge part of that... whether they want to be or not.I can sense your possible frustration, so I'll try and get some very long chapters done to help speed this along. Many thanks for reading this story and taking the time to review :)
That was dark. How is this going to work out?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review.This is the darkest chapter in this story. I won't be delving into such shadows again. Err... are you asking if this is going to have a 'happy-ending'? Or are you just querying if the story will descend into a pure horror tale?
Response from makaem (Reviewer)
It was more of a general whine on my part. I like to guess where I think a story is headed-- in this case I'm drawing a blank, at least for anything that will bode well for Hermione. So I'll just have to wait. As for the question, I don't really expect to get an answer (although one would be nice), I stick those in a lot of my reviews. It means I like a story enough to do the equivalent of thinking outloud. But, as a general rule, do you do horror stories?
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
So... you like the story *grins* but feel that it could do with some more clues.... okay. I've just responded to another email about doing some longer chapters to help speed things up... I'll see if I can also make them more satisfying for you.Regarding horror, I do enjoy reading horrror and some of my stories do incorporate the genre. Maybe I will write one dedicated to it s some point.Thank you for reviewing and reading the story :)
Response from makaem (Reviewer)
Crap, now I feel awkward. I didn't do a very good job of answering your question. I started to say that I was usually pretty good at figuring out plot line, but that your story was keeping me guessing. Then I decided that sounded too arrogant on my part... You don't need to drop more clues. Your story is great just the way you've written it. I meant that as a complement, but I didn't say it very well. MA
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
I didn't mean to make you feel awkward--sorry.My concern was that I was being far too vague and not providing enough information, resulting in a confusing and inaccesible plot. I can breathe easy now... you're enjoying the story.Thank you for the lovely compliment :)
Oh, okay, Poor Severus hope from a patch of blue sky, and then lost it. Meadows - he's so trapped. I hope Hermione sees rigth through him.
Response from sweetflag (Author of For Him)
Thanks for the review :)I'm sure that he'll have his patch of blue again.Next chapter is in the queue... and well... er... :D