A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>
Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party93 Reviews | 7.43/10 (93 Ratings, 0 Likes, 104 Favorites )
In which Harry is somewhat indiscriminately randy, Snape struggles manfully to be completely oblivious, Hermione is a connoisseur of printed-out Internet porn, and Draco exits the closet dramatically and demands Resolution of Sexual Tension. This is your TPP chat room on crack—fic.
Start ReadingChapters (5)
About Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party
Author
Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party
Member Since 2006 | 4 Stories | Favorited by 0 | 0 Reviews Written | 281 Review Responses
This penname was founded by a band of intrepid loonies who got together during the early days of the TPP chat room (and bonded further during the dark days of WIKKT chat's exile to the TPP chatroom). Together, we generated an idea for a fic so ridiculous, no one of us alone was willing to take credit for it. It's amazing what mischief a bunch of alleged adults can get up to under the influence of no alcohol whatsoever. Pennames of individual authors will be posted here in alphabetical order, if and when they elect to admit their involvement in the project.
It will continue to serve as a penname for any collaborations born in the TPP chatroom and a beacon of comedy in an angsty fandom.
The usual suspects (for 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Victory Photo'):
Editor: dracontia
Secretary: shalimar1981
Beta-of-Record: broomclosetravenclaw
Chief Britpicker: lux_astraea
Authors: broomclosetravenclaw, DawnEB, dracontia, JustDesmond, leniarianna, lux_astraea, shalimar1981, SSLupin, Wolfmoonshadow
Contributors: aturia, droxy, Hubby_of_Drac, ladyinthecloak, quilter_infinity, wonderfulchild
The usual suspects (for "A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional Hogwarts: A History'):
Editor/secretary: dracontia
Beta-of-Record: SeverusLovesUs
Authors: dracontia, Potteresque_ire, SeverusLovesUs, Snapemylove
Thank you to lux_astraea for the icons!
Charlotte's Angels Icon by ravine: 
Reviews for A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>
ROFLMAO!!!
Up next: Chapter 3. If you want lemons, clap your hands three times and say, "Resolve Sexual Tension!" Okay, done. I'm waaaaaaaaiiiiitiiiiiing!
Response from amsev (Reviewer)
Kudos to Hypnobarb for the Chocolate Martinis. Had to go look up a recipe for those! Par-tay!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Final beta pass is in progress--expect to see something by next week! Thanks much for reviewing. :D
Brilliant! I LOVED it! Just had to say thanks. I really needed the laughs today. Thanks for making my day, all of you! Cheers!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Thanks, luv! We live to help the fandom meet its Recommended Daily Allowance of laughs. :D
Chapter 3 is about to embark on the beta process, so hopefully we can pass along some more laughs shortly!
You ladies sure do have a rather interesting sence of humor.....way too funny. Hats off to you!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Hee--'interesting' is one way of describing it! Thanks, luv, for reviewing, and we promise another installment of inspired dementia ASAP!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Hee--'interesting' is one way of describing it! Thanks, luv, for reviewing, and we promise another installment of inspired dementia ASAP!
*claps hands three times and says, "Resolve Sexual Tension!"*
........love this!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys rock!
A mut have on my faves list!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
*taking a bow* Thank you kindly! We shall endeavor to update promptly (and we may even include some RST)
Damn... now I have to go watch thefifthdistrict video.
Very very fun tale! I can't wait for the next chapter.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Oh, no! Another reader corrupted!
Disclaimer: This fic was in no way intended to be an advertisement for that video. The writers of this fic do not necessarily endorse bouncing Harry Potters, glowsticks, Weasley jumpers, or cross-dressing Snape.
That would not prevent us from using any of those, but that's immaterial...
Thanks very much for the reivew! Chapter 2 is in the beta process and should be up soon!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Oh, no! Another reader corrupted!
Disclaimer: This fic was in no way intended to be an advertisement for that video. The writers of this fic do not necessarily endorse bouncing Harry Potters, glowsticks, Weasley jumpers, or cross-dressing Snape.
That would not prevent us from using any of those, but that's immaterial...
Thanks very much for the reivew! Chapter 2 is in the beta process and should be up soon!
Ha! That was fun! Looking forward to more.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
More fun is currently in the beta process. Stay tuned! Thanks very much for feeding the authors! [AKA reviewing :) ]
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
More fun is currently in the beta process. Stay tuned! Thanks very much for feeding the authors! [AKA reviewing :) ]
ok this is my favorite fanfic ever. please update soon. this is just too funny
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Your wish is our command, my dear--chapter 2 is being wrapped up as we speak!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Your wish is our command, my dear--chapter 2 is being wrapped up as we speak!
Please, may I have some more?
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Of course you may, Ollie, dear! We're cooking it up as we speak! *gets back to work*
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Of course you may, Ollie, dear! We're cooking it up as we speak! *gets back to work*
Potter potter potter potter potter potter potter potter potter potter potter potter WEASLEY WEASLEY!!! Snaaaape! Snaaaaape! Ohh, it's a Snaaaape!BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!I never thought I'd see a fic with this in it.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Brace yourself--there's probably a lot of stuff you're going to see in this fic that you hadn't anticipated. :D
Thanks very much for reviewing!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Brace yourself--there's probably a lot of stuff you're going to see in this fic that you hadn't anticipated. :D
Thanks very much for reviewing!
I shouldn't be laughing like this. The people in other offices are going to notice that I'm alone in my office and cackling.There are going to be rumors and it is all your collective faults.This is the funniest thing I've read since Shiv's "In Which Voldemort Dies."
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
I have it on good authority that laughter boosts the immune system and lowers stress. Tell them that you're just following your doctor's orders!
(Granger, I'm not sure if she's buying it. You need to find the exact citation...)
Meanwhile, we Mad Chatters would like to thank you kindly for your review, and for the indubitably health-promoting grins you induced by comparing us to the Mighty Shiv!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
I have it on good authority that laughter boosts the immune system and lowers stress. Tell them that you're just following your doctor's orders!
(Granger, I'm not sure if she's buying it. You need to find the exact citation...)
Meanwhile, we Mad Chatters would like to thank you kindly for your review, and for the indubitably health-promoting grins you induced by comparing us to the Mighty Shiv!
You're "sorry'? ...No, you're not!~LotmA Snaape, A Snaaaape!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
*grin*
Well, we've been told that apologies are useful for rehabilitating the somewhat tarnished image of Slytherin. If the benefit is pursuant to the apology being sincere, we may well be screwed.
...
The preponderance of willing and attractive Gryffidors at hand makes it a chance we're willing to take.
*bows*
Thank you kindly, m'lady, for taking the time to review!
Response from ladyofthemasque (Reviewer)
*snerk* To quote Snape from one of my own stories, "To be honest--which goes against my every instinct for survival--"~Lotm
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
*grin*
Well, we've been told that apologies are useful for rehabilitating the somewhat tarnished image of Slytherin. If the benefit is pursuant to the apology being sincere, we may well be screwed.
...
The preponderance of willing and attractive Gryffidors at hand makes it a chance we're willing to take.
*bows*
Thank you kindly, m'lady, for taking the time to review!
Response from ladyofthemasque (Reviewer)
*snerk* To quote Snape from one of my own stories, "To be honest--which goes against my every instinct for survival--"~Lotm
"We (the fanfic people and I) do declare that: Snape's prominent nose is actually perfectly proportioned, and it's sexy."
oh absolutely!!
Hee hee - grand fun!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
*a moment of silence is declared, for the express purpose of standing in awe of the grandeur of The Nose*
...
*officially breaking silence to LOL!*
We're glad that you enjoyed it! Thank you kindly for stopping by. :)
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
*a moment of silence is declared, for the express purpose of standing in awe of the grandeur of The Nose*
...
*officially breaking silence to LOL!*
We're glad that you enjoyed it! Thank you kindly for stopping by. :)
Harry James Potter, she said, giving him a soft peck on the cheek, you are the gayest contemporary Gryffindor, third gayest current resident of Hogwarts, and seventh gayest occupant of this castle, of all time. *hugs Ginny* That really was an epiphany, huh?
Im a Seeker, and Im used to dealing with much smaller balls. ROFL The quidditch innuendo will never die!
Hell. He was the defense against dark arts. Aw, look at cocky!Harry go.
Magazines like Quidditch Illustrated were his favorite study break material, especially the issues with calendars. How oblivious could the poor boy be?
A few hundred breathlessly read pages of numerous short and long stories later, Harry set the book down, completely dazed. He felt dangerously lightheaded and strongly inclined towards having a good wank. It all seemed so so oddly plausible. yay for fanfic!
Ive had it, Greg. For seven years, its been nothing but Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter. Vince took a breath.
Weasley, Weasley, Greg chimed in, not unmusically. *dies*
Okay, that's it. Pure (maniacal) genius. Wonderful work, narrators, writers, and betas. I raise my mad tea cup to ya.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
LOL! Ask Potter how oblivious our Harry is going to be in this one--his lack of awareness is her literary responsibility. (And she claims that she doesn't know how to write comedy! :D )
On behalf of the talented maniacs, I thank you for your praise, dearest partner-in-crime. Here's to uniting at Terminus! Mad Chatters (and spiked tea!) forever!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
LOL! Ask Potter how oblivious our Harry is going to be in this one--his lack of awareness is her literary responsibility. (And she claims that she doesn't know how to write comedy! :D )
On behalf of the talented maniacs, I thank you for your praise, dearest partner-in-crime. Here's to uniting at Terminus! Mad Chatters (and spiked tea!) forever!
Very funny. Unfortunately I hadn't seen the video..Now I have Arrggghhh! *sings Snaaaaape Snaaaaape*. Loved the Pniky and the Brain reference. Look forward to more.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Oh, dear. We hadn't meant to advertise it to those whose minds were as yet uncontaminated! LOL
We shall try to make it up to you in the next installment. Thanks very much for taking the time to review!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Oh, dear. We hadn't meant to advertise it to those whose minds were as yet uncontaminated! LOL
We shall try to make it up to you in the next installment. Thanks very much for taking the time to review!
LMAO well done guys! I can't wait for the next chapter!You've made my day!!!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Your review makes ours! Thank you, and we shall make haste to post the next installment. :)
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Your review makes ours! Thank you, and we shall make haste to post the next installment. :)
Roflol, too funny ladies!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Ah, too funny is not funny enough by half! We shall endeavor to make Chapter 2 even funnier for your reading pleasure. :D
Thanks for taking time to review, cheri ami!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Ah, too funny is not funny enough by half! We shall endeavor to make Chapter 2 even funnier for your reading pleasure. :D
Thanks for taking time to review, cheri ami!
*giggle* Ah, how I love crackfic...
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Crackfic loves you, too--but not more than its writers do, when you review! Muchas gracias from the crew, Angel of Sweets. :D
(Last time I read Dr. Seuss to the squirts before answering reviews...)
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Crackfic loves you, too--but not more than its writers do, when you review! Muchas gracias from the crew, Angel of Sweets. :D
(Last time I read Dr. Seuss to the squirts before answering reviews...)
heeheeheeheeheeeheee
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
:-D I shall relay your message to the crew. Thanks!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
:-D I shall relay your message to the crew. Thanks!
Er... Bloody brilliant. Really, though, it was brilliant. And requires a couple of reads, and perhaps should become required reading ... if you know what I mean. Loved the allusions all the way through.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Required reading? High praise, indeed!
That's a course I could enjoy teaching... Crackfic 101. :-D
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Required reading? High praise, indeed!
That's a course I could enjoy teaching... Crackfic 101. :-D
Anonymous
I would like to be the first to recognise your genius. Really do love crack... fics! ;-) Great job having JKR = Rita Skeeter! LMAO at that. And I think Hermione's binder is great too. Looking forward to the next one! :-D
Author's Response:
*bows deeply* The captain passes your compliments along to the crew. We are all profoundly pleased that cameraderie and sleep deprivation read as genius. :-D
Thank you for the first review! We shall endeavor to render the next chapter ship shape as quickly as possible!
Holy cow--was this a bet to see how many fanfic cliches could be shoehorned into one story? 
I guess I'll find out in the next chapter!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
LOL Something like that. Have fun & thanks for reviewing!
Bwahahaha! I like the Evil Skeeter/Voldie pairing & plotting. 
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
That was brilliance on snapemylove's part! (But she still complains to high heaven that we assigned it to her. )Thanks for reviewing!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
That was brilliance on snapemylove's part! (But she still complains to high heaven that we assigned it to her. )Thanks for reviewing!
Good job! I laughed til I cried when the RST came about!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Thank you kindly on behalf of the Mad_Chatters, et. al! 
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
Thank you kindly on behalf of the Mad_Chatters, et. al!
Hem hemHe'll be the fantasy of every doomed, loser-loving, soap opera-watching housewife on EarthI'll have you know, I DO NOT watch soaps. I read fanfiction.Thank you for properly explaining how book 7 came into being.May the Crackfic Express always have steam!
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
I'll have you know, I DO NOT watch soaps. I read fanfiction.Clearly, Rita and Voldy have not researched their target demographic in sufficient detail.We crackfic writers, on the other hand, need no stinkin' research. We take a shotgun approach to creativity and fully appreciate any target we may chance to hit. On behalf of all the Mads, thank you most kindly for reviewing! (and for the steam--we were starting to wrinkle a bit.)~dracontia, editor-in-chief-cook-and-teacup-washer
My laptop was pretty safe from 'mouthful emmisions' until you got to the farting couch. Over 40 and fart jokes still slay me. (ah well, at least I'm easy)The rubberband ball mating with itself was great as well. I stayed up way to late to read this. I should be ashamed of myself.
Response from Mad_Chatters_Tea_Party (Author of A Fanfic Reader's Unauthorized Guide to the Unconventional <i>Hogwarts: A History</i>)
LOL ashamed of yourself for reading this? I wonder how we should feel about writing it (sometimes at 2 in the morning, with the obligation to take kids to school in a few hours...)Actually, it can be summed up thusly: 'We were drunk, right? No? We weren't even drinking? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to say that I was...' Thanks for reviewing! (OK, I confess: I'm proud of the rubberband ball, damnit. I don't know how the rest of the rew feels about their contributions, but that's MY rubberband ball, your honor; I own it and I throw myself on the mercy of the court.)