Love Actually

A/N: Friday Update... and another one to follow :)

17. Love, Actually

'Christmas is a time for people with someone they love in their lives' ~ Billy Mack, Love, Actually

Hermione didn't sleep. She found herself pacing, something she knew came from Severus because she had seen him do it so many times before. She decided she might adopt the strategy herself when she was back in her own body, because it seemed to reduce her stress levels and it certainly helped her to think. Not that she came to any conclusions. Severus loved her and she loved Severus. These were the facts she had managed to conclude all by herself. Convincing Severus of the same might be more than a bit tricky and it was this she was pondering.

She knew better than anyone else at this moment just how Severus Snape would choose to think. He would bang on about being too old, or that as her former Professor it would be highly inappropriate, or that she could do much better. Hermione snorted at this thought. Had she not once fawned over Ron Weasley? And hadn't that turned out well? Even she knew that Severus was a much better match, both intellectually and physically. She had a feeling their libidos would be on a par, and she knew that they could share stimulating conversations, or sit and read together in comfortable silence, from past experience. And although she might say that Harry Potter was her best friend, the reality was that she spent far more time with Severus and thought about him far more often than Harry. She knew without a doubt that if she were parted from either of them for any length of time, it would be Severus she would miss the most. So maybe there were other intelligent men out there. Hermione only wanted this one.

She stopped pacing and sighed deeply. Thoughts of throwing herself at him on Christmas morning and declaring her undying love flitted though her mind, along with certain images of pale skin and fingers and nakedness and gasping... But knowing Severus, she would have to be patient. At the moment she was the only one who knew the truth. For all Hermione knew, he wasn't even aware of his own feelings towards her, and if he were, he might choose to ignore them rather than act and risk being hurt.

Hermione decided that she would have to think like herself to come to any sort of viable conclusion, and that would only be fully possible after tomorrow. She stretched her back and winced at the popping sound from Severus's neck. With a groan she caught sight of the clock. It was almost 3 a.m. The first thing she was going to do when she was back to normal was have a long sleep in her own bed.

***

Severus waited in the dungeon lab, absently straightening the jars of ingredients on the shelving units along the wall. He was there early, waiting impatiently for Hermione to arrive. He hadn't had any sleep, and he knew that it more than likely showed on his face. He had spent a large part of the night wondering exactly what he should do next where Hermione was concerned. He cared for her deeply, he knew that. He didn't know whether he was brave enough to call it love, but it was certainly more than he had ever felt for another person. The thought of Hermione with any other man made him feel nauseous, and he felt the need to protect her, to touch her, to... well, everything he had imagined doing to her while lying in her bed with her fingers thrusting frantically inside her folds. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, just as Hermione stepped into the lab. She was early, too.

'I couldn't sleep,' she said by way of explanation.

'I understand,' Severus said, not quite admitting to the same, but not denying it either. Hermione's gaze narrowed and he could tell she knew exactly what he wasn't telling her by the dark circles under her eyes.

'Minerva will already be awake. Shall I Floo her?' Severus was eager to get this over with, and at Hermione's nod, he went back into his quarters to get the Headmistress. When he came back with Minerva in tow, Hermione had the flasks of Polyjuice antidote ready and her amended spells on a fresh bit of parchment spread out of the workbench so they could both see it.

'Well. I can see you're both keen,' Minerva stated. 'I sincerely hope this will work, Professors. While it has been more than amusing watching you play acting, I cannot tell you how many more grey hairs I've got because of this shambles.'

'I assume you mean grey cat hairs?' Severus said pointedly 'Honestly Minerva, do you really think that either of us has taken any pleasure from this situation?'

Severus stared at Minerva and then glanced at Hermione, who for some reason couldn't look at him. She kept her gaze firmly down at the parchment, but Severus didn't miss the tell-tale pink spots that sat high on her cheeks. Severus gasped, understanding perfectly why Hermione was blushing at his words. He looked away, feeling his own blush rising and knowing that he had been far from innocent in leaving the more interesting parts of her body alone. He supposed he couldn't really blame her.

'I'm ready. Shall we?' Hermione had gathered herself and stood with a perfect facsimile of Severus Snape's most deadpan expression on her face. 'Minerva, if you could observe closely and then tell me everything afterwards I'd be very grateful.' She gave the Headmistress a small smile and then handed a flask of antidote to Severus. They withdrew their wands together and said the spell out loud, and then swallowed the antidote.

Minerva stared at them through her spectacles, as if waiting for a miracle to occur. After a few moments, the first changes became apparent when Severus's hair lost its curl and started to turn black at the ends. Hermione gasped in pain as she started to shrink, and the shock of reverting back to normal meant that she only remembered at the last minute to swap their clothes. Minerva burst into an impromptu round of applause.

'Oh, well done, Hermione! Severus, so good to have you back with us!' She positively beamed at them in relief.

Hermione smiled at Severus as she ran her hands excitedly along her torso, arms and legs as if checking she wasn't missing anything. 'Oh, Severus! Isn't it brilliant?'

Severus couldn't help but smile back at her briefly. 'Indeed,' he murmured. 'Now, if you will excuse me. I would like to reacquaint myself with my own bed.'

With that, Severus swept from the dungeon, desperate beyond reason to put space between himself and Hermione. He had been overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her as soon as she had turned her brilliant smile towards him, and as he walked briskly towards the moving staircase, his hand clutched at the untoward ache in his chest.

***

Hermione languished in her bed far longer than she had intended. Her books had beckoned to her and she had spent a pleasurable half hour reacquainting herself with her body and her own orgasms. The fact that she knew what Severus looked like in the flesh, and just how well blessed he was, made the experience even more satisfying on one level. The one thing she couldn't stop thinking about were Severus' lips, and as sated as she was, she was left with the emptiness of having no kisses, no warm, wiry arms to hold her, no bare legs to entwine with her own. She admitted to herself that she was lonely, despite everything, and that there was a gap in her existence that only Severus could fill. She had a terrifying feeling that she would never have him, and that she would feel the lack of him forever.

Tomorrow was Christmas Day, and for the first year she could ever remember, she had no plans. She had managed to mail order some token gifts for the staff, and had even bought Severus a new scarf and gloves knowing that his were wearing a little thin. But a scarf and gloves didn't say 'I love you', and short of sitting in front of him and saying it – the very thought made Hermione shed a tear as she imagined Severus' blanket rejection of her affections – she was still no further in her desire to be with him. With a huff, Hermione rubbed at her face to remove the last signs of her tears and sniffed.

'Stupid bloody witch and stupid bloody hormones,' she muttered as she threw back the covers. She padded on bare feet into her sitting room and stared at the detritus. Piles of books and parchment covered with her writing and Severus' spiky script, broken quills and spilled ink. All signs of the feverish research her project had become, all due to a stupid mistake. Hermione sighed and flicked her wand, and the parchment shuffled itself into a neatly ordered pile, the ink and broken quills vanished and the open books closed themselves obediently and waited for their next customer. She lifted a few of the small books and put them back on her shelf, and then gathered the rest of the books to return to the library. It was soothing and familiar, and Hermione glanced at the books in he arms with a small smile, knowing that no matter what she would always have them in her life as a way of escape. The top book was the one that had unlocked the final bit of the puzzle, and she frowned down at it momentarily before making a decision. She put it back on her table and headed towards her door, her lips pressed together in a determined line.

***

It was Christmas morning, and Severus sat with a steaming mug of his favourite coffee as he half-heartedly opened the small pile of gifts that had appeared by the hearth overnight. He was feeling maudlin, wishing that Hermione was with him so he could at least share some disparaging comments with her about receiving yet another pair of mismatched socks from the house elves. But she hadn't been at supper the previous night, and she hadn't contacted him either. He couldn't blame her really. They had spent more time together than he had ever spent in the company of any witch, and he was sure she had taken her fill of his presence and staring at his miserable face in the mirror each day.

Severus lifted an envelope, saw Minerva's handwriting and huffed, letting it drop onto the table without opening it. He knew it was a voucher for Flourish and Blotts, the same as every year. The next gift was unexpected, however. It was weighty, but soft on top, and there was no tag on it. He opened it slowly, and smiled as the dark green scarf and gloves slipped from the wrapping with a small note from Hermione.

'Happy Christmas Severus, love Hermione'

Severus stared at the simple message, his eyes lingering on 'love, Hermione', and then he slipped the paper from the rest of the package and frowned as he recognised the book Hermione had been using from the library. There was a green ribbon marking a page, and he flipped the book open and started to read, confused and intrigued at the same time. He read the first two paragraphs and frowned. They didn't seem to mean anything important, but Severus was sure that Hermione wouldn't have 'gifted' him a book that wasn't hers if it wasn't for a very good reason, so he carried on reading as his coffee went cold.

Carlos the House Elf popped into the room unnoticed and started to tidy up quietly as Severus continued to read. He was startled by the sound of a book falling to the floor and the sight of the Headmaster almost running to his bedchamber. Carlos shrugged. He was very used to the unpredictable behaviour of his Master, and he continued his tasks until Severus returned, fully dressed and dashed to the door. He paused and looked at Carlos and gave him a huge smile that caused the elf to worry just a little.

'Happy Christmas, Carlos,' he said, and then left, slamming the door behind him. Carlos shook his head and rolled his eyes. He would never understand wizards as long as he lived.