Troubles

13. Troubles

Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. ~Euripides

Minerva sat at her desk, her face a picture of shock and surprise as her two professors followed each other out of her Floo. She checked the time and frowned.

'Shouldn't you both be in class?' she asked mildly.

'There is a problem,' said Hermione.

'And it's her fault,' said Severus, crossing his arms and huffing, totally unaware that in his ire, his hair had begun to frizz.

'Severus?' Minerva looked at Hermione with a puzzled frown.

'Sadly not. She is Severus. I'm Hermione, and actually, it is not my fault.' Hermione glared blackly at Severus, who jutted his chin out even further.

'For goodness' sake.' Minerva let out a huff. She had quite done with drama following the war and this was something she could really do without. 'Sit down, the two of you, and you,' she pointed at Hermione, 'You explain what the haggis is going on or so help me, I'll Stupefy the both of you!'

Severus felt abashed at Minerva's tone, suddenly very aware that he had responded like a petulant student, and he sat meekly, a flush to his cheeks. Hermione flashed another glare in his direction and sat ramrod straight in the chair next to him. Neither of them saw the brief look of incredulous amusement on Minerva's face as she looked between the two of them.

'I apologise, Minerva. There was a mix up with the potion. It should have worn off by now, but it would seem that instead of adding the measured amount, Miss Gilroy added the remainder of my supply. I have no idea how many needles were left.' She crossed her arms and refused to look at Severus, who was looking at her pointedly.

'You could hazard a guess,' Severus murmured.

'If I were to hazard a guess, of course,' Hermione said through gritted teeth. 'I would say there were over three thousand needles left.'

Severus groaned. 'How long, Granger? Just tell me how long I have to remain like this, dealing with your ridiculous hair and your confusing underwear?'

'Confusing underwear?' Hermione stared at him, her eyebrow raised.

'I have never worn a bra before,' Severus mumbled, blushing yet again.

'Well I'll trade you my bra for your totally unnecessary amount of buttons! And seriously, do you have to wear so many layers?' Hermione barked out a laugh.

'Professors,' said Minerva, a touch of impatience in her voice. 'Please. We do still have students to attend to for the next week, so let's cut to the chase. How long, Hermione. If you were to hazard a guess?'

Hermione's face went blank as she mentally calculated, and Severus stared at her as she went even paler. 'Three months,' she whispered. 'Give or take a week or so.'

'Holy fuck,' Severus said with a gasp.

Minerva stared at them as the enormity of the situation started to sink in, and then she started to laugh. The scowl they both shot across her desk made her laugh even harder, and tears started to fall down her face. It took her a good five minutes to gather her wits again, and when she looked at her professors they were still glaring at her.

'I'm sorry. If I didn't laugh I'd have to hex you both. I would have thought that you, Severus, as Head of Slytherin, would have been keeping a very close eye on Miss Gilroy when she was adding ingredients. And you, Hermione. How on earth could there have been such a mix up?' She shook her head in disbelief, and raised her hand when Hermione went to speak. 'No, I don't want excuses. What we need to do now is work out how we're going to get through the next three months. Potions shouldn't be a problem, of course, but you will have to go through your lesson plans with Hermione, Severus.'

Hermione stared at Minerva aghast. There was no possible way she could teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. The thought of it sent shivers down her spine.

'Minerva, couldn't you just get a stand in teacher? There is no way I can teach Severus's classes as well as he can. The students will see though me in an instant,' she said, a little pathetically.

'Nonsense, Hermione. You are quite up the task with a little guidance from Severus, and this is the perfect test of your new potion, don't you think?' Minerva smiled sweetly but Hermione knew there was a little glee behind it. She supposed she did deserve it, after all, so she nodded, giving up what would have been a futile battle.

'Now, Christmas is in a weeks' time so I suggest you collaborate together on how you intend to spend your holidays. I imagine Severus will need some background information on how to spend Christmas with the Weasley's.'

Minerva stood, ending the conversation and not seeing the look of horror on Severus's face. Hermione felt a stab of sympathy for him; after all, this wasn't his fault. With a shooing motion, Minerva forced them from her presence, her huge grin hidden behind the door of her office as it closed behind them.

***

'My quarters, Granger. Now!' Severus pushed past Hermione, digging her in the ribs slightly with her own bony elbow as he went. Of all the absurd, ridiculous situations he had ever had the misfortune to find himself in, this was surely the very worst. To be stuck in Hermione's body for the next three months, possibly even longer, filled him with dread. Not because he was stuck in her luscious, ripe body. Oh no. That was the only saving grace, and he intended to fully embrace the experience. No. The worst thing was that in his current form, his best friend was Harry Bloody Potter.

He entered his quarters forcefully, his magic blasting open the door and causing his drapes and the stack of parchment on his desk to swirl around in the backdraught. The very air was starting to thrum, and his hair reacted violently to the static and became a frizzy, uncontrollable halo around his face. It was at this point that he stopped to marvel at the blue and silver sparkling pinpricks of magic that escaped unbidden from his fingertips, and he realised that this was not the way his magic normally behaved. He was still staring at his hands when he heard a cough behind him, and he turned, narrowing his eyes.

'I can see that you're angry, Severus. Quite literally. That's what happens when I lose it.' Hermione stood with her wand out in readiness, just in case Severus let his temper run to its full height. Knowing her magic as she did, and how angry Severus could become, she was a little bit scared for her safety, not to mention the integrity of the castle, should he really let loose. 'You need to breathe deeply and let the magic dissipate, before you destroy your lovely rooms,' she said mildly.

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, despite his misgivings. There was something about her voice that made him feel safe, he mused. Then he shook himself at yet another ridiculous notion, given that it was his own voice he was listening to, and it had never made him feel safe before. Spending time as Hermione was quite obviously addling his brains.

'I hope you're quite satisfied, witch,' he hissed at her. 'Living as you for one night was quite enough, but now this.' He gestured at himself, flailing his hands around until he forced himself to stop. This was yet another thing he didn't do. Histrionics were for Gryffindors.

Hermione lowered her wand and sighed. 'I really am sorry, Severus. I hate this as much as you do.' She ran her hands through her hair, and Severus narrowed his gaze again as he watched. Unable to stop his curiosity, he approached her and grabbed a handful of hair, letting it slip like liquid silk through his fingers.

'What the bloody fuck did you do to my hair?' He glared up at her with his hands on his hips, and Hermione couldn't help but smirk. Seeing herself like this had been quite an eye opener and she had sudden insight into why Ron and Harry had been so afraid to get on her bad side at school.

'I took care of it, which is more than I can say about this!' She lifted a hank of hair in front of his eyes, and even he could see the mess it was in. 'If you're going to walk around pretending to be me, use the Sleakeasy's in the bathroom cabinet. Otherwise you'll look like you've had an electric shock after every potions lesson.'

Severus and Hermione glared at each other silently for a brief moment, suddenly at a loss for words, until Winky appeared between them, her large eyes taking on a hint of caution.

'The Professor in the Headmaster's office wished me to tell you that you both has classes to attend, Professors.' With a brief bob of her head, she disappeared almost as soon as she had finished speaking.

Hermione paled and sank into the nearest chair.

'I can't do it,' she whispered.

Severus grinned at her. At least he would have no problems teaching Potions, and it really did serve Hermione right for making such a glaringly ridiculous first year error.

'It's fifth year Slytherin and Gryffindors first thing this morning,' he said with far too much enjoyment. 'I wouldn't leave them along for too long, Granger. They do have a habit of waving their wands about if left to their own devices.' Severus turned and left to deal with his first Potions class of the next three months.

Hermione stared after him and thought she might vomit.

***

After realising that Severus had been serious about his warning, Hermione dashed along the corridor to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom in haste, not wanting to be blamed for any injuries the class might inflict on each other. Before opening the door, she steeled herself and took a deep breath, remembering to channel Severus, or at least what she could remember of him from her own Defence classes. She pushed the door open with a band and glared, she hoped in an authoritative way, at the students. Some were sitting on their desks chatting in groups, some had their noses in their text books, and they all jumped up as she walked in, flicking her wand discreetly to close the door loudly.

'Who can tell me what we covered in the last class?' She said, clasping her hands behind her and walking between the rows. The students looked from Hermione to each other with puzzled faces, until one student raised his hand.

'Yes, Parkinson. At least someone paid attention. Go on.' Hermione walked to the front of the class and turned on her heel, staring all of the students down firmly.

'We were practising our blocking spells, Professor Snape.' Hubert Parkinson, Pansy's younger brother, couldn't keep a slight tremor from his voice as he spoke, and he looked around at his classmates warily.

Hermione felt herself shake slightly, but carried on regardless. 'Correct, Parkinson. Now for the fun bit, you will all write an essay on the most effective way to block or counteract each hex and curse within your text book. Begin,' Hermione snapped at the students and turned to sit at the desk. She was immediately aware, however, that none of the students had gone to gather parchment or quills, but were simply looking at her blankly. At the back of the room, a student, Emily Walker from Gryffindor, raised her hand slowly.

'What is it, Em... Walker? Hermione liked the girl and had almost slipped up by calling her by her first name, something Severus never did.

'I'm sorry, Professor, but you did say we could practice some hexes today in readiness for our test next week?'

Hermione felt her stomach flip over. 'Did I really say that?'

The class all nodded and made noises to the affirmative, and Hermione closed her eyes for a moment. Damn you, Severus, she thought to herself. There was nothing she could do. She was Severus Snape to all intents and purposes, and if he had promised them hex practice, then that's what they would have to do.

'Very well,' she said, standing swiftly. 'Prepare the room yourselves, pair off within your houses, and practice hexes you already know. Keep them light. I don't want to have to manhandle any of you to the hospital wing today.'

The students grinned at each other and in a matter of moments, the room was cleared of furniture and detritus, and they had split into pairs, each facing each other with their wands out. Hermione couldn't look for a moment. She breathed deeply, trying to calm the panic she could feel welling inside. This is just the same as Dumbledore's Amy, just keep reminding yourself that. Hermione stood to one side and motioned with her hand for them to begin. There were Stinging Hexes, flashes of red and blue light from wand tips, and the sounds of shouted surprise when a spell hit its target.

Hermione felt herself drifting before she could stop herself, and suddenly she was back at Malfoy Manor with Harry and Ron, incapacitated because of far too many Crucios, helpless to defend herself or to help them in the fight to escape. She saw a wand pointed in her direction, but it wasn't Chrissie Hart from Slytherin, it was Bellatrix Lestrange, her hair flying backwards and her eyes maddening with the strength of the hex she sent forth.

Before she knew what was happening, Hermione was out cold on the classroom floor.