Understanding

A/N: Don't look now, but Severus and Hermione are in bed together!

A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity ~ Robert Hall

Severus rolled over in his bed and groaned. His head felt like one hundred house elves were dancing inside with hobnail boots on their feet, and his mouth tasted like dragon dung. He ran his hand over his face, noting the slight growth of stubble on his chin, and then he chanced to open one eye to the clock beside his bed. However, instead of his clock, his gaze was met with the sleeping face of Hermione Granger and her out of control mop of hair.

'Granger,' he growled lowly. 'What the fuck are you doing in my bed?' He couldn't even summon a smirk at the shock on her face as she startled out of sleep.

'I was too pissed to get back to the dungeons in one piece, and your bed was nice and comfy. Shit,' she muttered. 'My head hurts.'

Severus couldn't help but grin at that. He had tried to insist that she slow down her drinking, but instead, Hermione had matched him drink for drink. If he was feeling ropey, he could well imagine how she was feeling. He moaned in pain when Hermione suddenly leapt from the bed and ran into his bathroom, and sniggered to himself as she started to retch into the toilet. Ruefully realising that he really should fix her, he almost called for Winky, but remembered at the last minute just how the elf felt about Hermione at the moment. He called for Carlos instead.

'We need two blue potions and a pink one, Carlos. Actually, make that three blue. Quickly please,' he said quietly. He glanced at the clock and saw they still had two hours before classes, and he snuggled back down under the covers and closed his eyes again. His dozing was ruined almost immediately when he felt the covers lifting and then being pulled from around his shoulders.

'Granger, what are you doing back in my bed?' he muttered half-heartedly. Not that he would have minded her being in his bed, but not when he felt like he'd been floored by a hippogriff and her breath smelled of vomit.

'Shut up, Snape. It's bloody freezing and I feel like death, thanks to you.' Hermione snuggled under the covers and wriggled her legs to get comfortable, and her feet landed on her bed mates. Rather than move them, she rubbed them up and down on the top of his feet.

'Fucking hell, Hermione. Your feet are cold.' Severus yanked his feet away and muttered a warming charm.

'Thank you,' she said gratefully. 'I should have done that instead.'

'Did you forget you're a witch?' he asked. He didn't expect her to turn around and glare at him in response, but the combination of unruly hair and indignation on her face did for him. He started to laugh at the ridiculous situation they were in, and to his utter relief, Hermione joined in. He caught her eye, and grinned at her broadly as tears ran down her face, followed by her hands clutching at her head.

'Oh god, Severus. Don't make me laugh, it hurts too much.' Hermione closed her eyes and scrunched up her face, and Severus was shocked to realise that even in her hung-over state he found her more than endearing. His musing was interrupted by the return of Carlos, and he held his hand over the covers and Accio'd the potions to him.

'My thanks, Carlos. Before you go, however. This is not what it appears to be,' he said, vaguely waving a hand between himself and Hermione. 'I trust you not to gossip about this.' Carlos grinned and then disappeared, and Severus rolled his eyes.He sat himself up in his bed and the covers fell to his waist as he swallowed a blue potion and then nudged Hermione with his foot.

'Here. Take these,' he said. 'You'll feel better and then I'll get some breakfast sent up. It might be prudent for you to Floo to your quarters, too. It wouldn't do your reputation any good to be seen leaving my rooms so early in the day.'

He watched as Hermione gingerly sat upright and swallowed the potions gratefully. Her white shirt was askew, and he caught a glimpse of lacy bra where a button had popped open. His body responded appropriately and he shifted sideways to cover his growing erection with the covers. Unfortunately he wasn't quite subtle enough, and as the potions did the trick, Hermione stared at him in sudden realisation.

'Severus! Are you naked?' she asked, her voice rising.

'It's my bed. I always sleep naked.' He stared back at her, trying to keep the smirk from his face.

'But... you let me sleep in your bed, knowing you had nothing on?' Hermione blushed furiously.

'You didn't give me much choice, Granger,' he said with a smirk, pushing the covers further down as he made to get up.

'Oh, for goodness sake.' Hermione shook her head, and Severus couldn't help but laugh again as she almost ran out of his bedroom.

***

Hermione bit into another slice of toast, ravenously hungry thanks to the Ogden's the night before. They ate in mostly silence at a table by the stained glass window. Carlos had done them proud, providing a full English breakfast, endless tea and toast and a bottle of HP sauce for Severus and Ketchup for Hermione. Reaching over to grab another slice of bacon, Hermione caught Severus watching her with amusement.

'I've never seen you eat so much in such a short space of time,' he said with a smirk.

'It's the hang-over. I mean, it's gone and I don't feel like I want to worship your loo any more, thanks to your potions, but they don't take away the need for food and tea.' Hermione lifted her mug and took a long slurp, proving her point. Finishing her toast and bacon, she finally felt full and sat back in her chair with a sigh. 'That was amazing,' she said.

'We aim to please.' Severus waved his hand over the detritus of breakfast and it disappeared back to the kitchens, and Hermione found she was staring across the table at him. His face was no longer smiling or teasing, but serious. His eyes held a look of grave concern, and she wondered with panic if he was about to call time on their newly restored friendship now that he was sober. Distracted by his change of mood, Hermione found herself mentally cataloguing his features so as not to forget them, just in case he was about to throw her out for good.

His eyes were darkest brown, not black as most people thought. There weren't cold either. She had noticed warmth in them, amusement and often, anger and sadness. They crinkled at the sides when he smiled, making his whole face look younger. His skin was alabaster pale, but his beard when it grew was an almost salt and pepper smattering of black mixed with grey. Her eyes drifted to his mouth, set in a firm line, his smooth, pale pink lips pressed together. But when he was relaxed, his bottom lip looked full and... she had to admit it, kissable. All in all, Hermione felt that she would never get bored of looking at his face.

'Hermione,' he said softly, interrupting her thoughts.

'Sorry. Miles away.' She shook herself and stood briskly, hoping he hadn't realised that she was staring at him and not lost in her own thoughts. 'I should go,' she said. She was startled when she realised Severus had come to stand beside her. She looked up at him and almost jumped when he gently took her hand in his.

'Come and sit a moment. There is something we need to discuss.'

Hermione was non-plussed but allowed him to lead her to the sofa. He lit the fire and then ushered her to sit. She was surprised when he sat beside her and turned to face her. He didn't normally like people too close, and the feel of his knee pressing against hers was welcome but disconcerting.

'You're making me nervous, Severus,' she said quietly, and raised her gaze to his. He seemed to be considering something, and then shook his head and smiled softly.

'How long have you been taking Dreamless Sleep, Hermione?'

Hermione felt herself pale as his question. Whatever she had expected him to say it certainly wasn't that, and she wondered what had prompted it and more to the point, how the hell did he know?

'A while... now and then, after the war. Why?' Hermione sat back and crossed her arms, aware that she was being defensive.

'I am sure I don't need to remind you of its addictive properties,' he said, his voice gentle.

'I'm a Potions Mistress, Severus,' she said a little angrily. 'I only take it occasionally. How did you know?' Hermione narrowed her gaze. Surely Severus wouldn't use Legillimency on her without permission? She glared at him as he took a breath.

'Winky.' Severus ran a hand through his hair in seeming exasperation. 'During the war, when I was Headmaster, Winky was my personal elf. She was there at all times to fetch and carry, but more than that, she nursed me back to health on more than one occasion and I owe her my gratitude and loyalty. Understand, Hermione, that of all people, I know what nightmares are.'

Hermione's heart was beating loudly in her chest. Of course, Winky would know everything. She hadn't considered that her loyalty to Severus would mean her telling him, but it made sense. Winky was caring, in her own way. She watched as Severus stood and started to pace before the fire. Not knowing what to say, she waited. His face was a mask of pain suddenly, and he turned to her in obvious anguish.

'Winky was the only one who knew the reality of my life at that time. There was no-one else. I was so alone... so scared... I hardly slept, in between keeping the children safe from the Carrows and waiting... waiting for the Dark Lord to call or to act, and worrying about the three of you, off on Dumbledore's foolhardy quest. But I was exhausted, at the end of my tether. I started using Dreamless sleep, but one night I overdosed myself and almost gave Winky a heart attack when she failed to wake me. She thought I was dead, and when I finally woke, she had destroyed all of my supplies of the potion and I didn't sleep another night free of nightmares until the Dark Lord was ended by Potter's wand.'

At some point, Hermione had walked over to Severus and was stood with her hand on his forearm, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe he trusted her enough to tell her all of this.

'I'm telling you all of this because I trust you, Granger. And I can't stand by and watch you make the same mistakes.'

'How did you stop the nightmares, Severus? How?' She heard the desperation in her voice and realised she had never once spoken about the horrors she kept inside her head at night.

'I removed the memories. Every meeting with the Dark Lord. Every attack I was forced to attend... Every face of every child who died while I stood by and did nothing to stop it. Here...' Severus strode over to his bookshelf and revealed a secret door behind. A small cupboard sat behind it, lined with rows of narrow shelves, all of them full of vials, each vial containing a memory. On a plinth to one side sat Dumbledore's old Pensive and Hermione looked at him, a question clearly on her face. He shook his head.

'No. I never look. I don't need to. Removing the memory doesn't stop you forgetting. It just blurs it, making it seem at a distance. It was the only way for me to cope, after the war. You may add your own, if you wish. It may help.' Severus spoke quietly as he eyes scanned the myriad vials before them. Hermione felt tears streaming down her face at the thought of the horrors he had seen and lived through. And he had shown this to her because he cared about her, she was sure of it. She would bet that no-one else, except perhaps Winky, had ever seen this cupboard or its contents.

'Thank you, Severus.' Without pausing to think, Hermione put her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly to her, letting her tears seep into the wool of his coat. After a moment, she felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and his chin resting gently on the top of her head. His hand drifted upwards and smoothed her curls, and Hermione realised that it wasn't Hogwarts that made her feel safe.

It was Severus.