Longing

14. Longing

"See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.

― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Minerva entered the Potions classroom without knocking. Severus was checking the progress of a simple cough remedy with a group of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff second years and he glared at the door, ready to reprimand the intruder, until he saw the unmistakeable look of panic on her face.

'Cast a Stasis spell over your cauldrons. I will complete them later and you will all be credited fully. You can leave,' he said softly. He had never seen Hermione teach, so he was trying to temper firmness with kindness. To his surprise, it seemed to be working.

He waited until the last student had left, then turned to Minerva in haste.

'What happened?' He thought he could guess, and his heart was doing somersaults.

'Hermione is unconscious in the hospital wing. Poppy doesn't know if she just fainted or a hex hit her. The students can't say; they were all in the middle of their practice when she went down like a ton of bricks.' Minerva wrung her hands together.

'Dammit,' Severus muttered. He should never have let Hermione walk into that class unprepared. His anger at their circumstances had clouded his judgement yet again, and he had hurt someone he had come to care about deeply. 'Come. We can Floo from here.'

***

Chrissie Hart sat by the door of the hospital wing and looked up as the Headmistress and Professor Granger arrived.

'Chrissie?' Minerva looked at the girl kindly.

'I am so sorry, Professors. I think Professor Snape was a bit confused. I was nearest when I saw him looking like he was going to faint, and when I asked him if he was alright, he called me something else and then fell,' she whispered.

'What did he say?' Severus demanded. He wanted to get to Hermione as quickly as he could.

'He said 'Bellatrix,' Professor Granger.' Chrissie looked between the Headmistress and her Professor with a worried frown. 'Did he mean Bellatrix Lestrange, do you think?'

'Quite possibly,' said Minerva gently. 'You know how much Professor Snape did for us during the war, don't you Chrissie?'

Chrissie's eyes shone with unshed tears, and Severus had to look away. Minerva had no right to talk about him like he wasn't there.

'Professor Snape saved all of us, didn't he, Headmistress?' Chrissie stated plainly.

Severus took a sharp intake of breath and decided he didn't want to stay around for whatever might come next.

'I'm going to check on Professor Snape,' he said, his voice thick with emotion. He had no idea he was the subject of such hero status amongst the students, and although it was gratifying to be acknowledged, the way it made him feel was more than uncomfortable. He turned and walked to the end of the ward, the bed he had always occupied under Poppy Pomfrey's care, and he pulled back the curtain softly.

Hermione was still out cold, and Poppy was bent over her with a confused look on her face. She cast diagnostics over and over and then shook her head.

'It just doesn't make any sense,' she muttered.

'What is the problem?' Severus asked her.

'I'm comparing my readings with Severus's last check up and they are completely different. I don't understand it,' she said.

'I can explain that, Poppy. I apologise for not informing you before. That is not Severus Snape. That is Hermione Granger, and I am Severus,' he said. Poppy glared at him as if not believing him and she was in no mood to mess about. Severus sighed.

'In fifth year you treated me for a broken wrist,' he paused. 'And when I was twelve you healed the welt marks on my back when I returned after the Christmas break.'

'Severus?' Poppy stared at him with wide eyes and then back at the unconscious doppelganger in her bed. 'What the bloody hell is this all about?'

'Hermione's Polyjuice project. We had a mishap and we're stuck like this for approximately three months. I am sorry Poppy. We should have told you.' Severus could have kicked himself. Neither he nor Hermione had considered the potential health risks connected to a change for any length of time. It would have been prudent to have included Poppy from the very start.

'You are both adults, I suppose. You're entitled to keep your secrets and make your own mistakes,' Poppy said with a sniff. 'What the effects of long term transformation might be I have no idea but I imagine we will find out, won't we?' She stared at Severus, disappointment shining from her eyes, and Severus felt a lump in his throat and his own eyes welling with tears. Damn Hermione Granger and her emotional well-spring.

'I really am sorry Poppy,' Severus whispered.

'Well. Let's put it behind us shall we. I insist that you are both monitored weekly from now on, and I do believe you there is one problem than you have not considered.'

'What problem?' Severus found his gaze drawn to where Hermione was still unconscious on the bed. He felt the urge to run his fingers through her dark, glossy hair and a pang of something as he looked at her pale mouth. He shook himself. He shouldn't be having such thoughts about himself, surely?

'You have both taken on different physical forms, and different genders. Hermione is a fully functioning female, Severus, which means that once a month... well, I don't need to spell it out for you, do I?'

Severus looked at Poppy, momentarily puzzled, and then his mouth fell open in understanding.

'This is what happens when you mess about with Polyjuice Potion,' said Poppy, suddenly all matron-like and back to treating him like an errant schoolboy. She moved to Hermione's pillow and adjusted it slightly, then smoothed down the already smooth covers. 'You can stay for a while if you must. I shall be back shortly and much as I don't like to, if she is not awake I shall resort to enervating her. I much prefer my patients to come around naturally, but we'll see.' Poppy pursed her lips and sighed as she gazed at Hermione, then she hurried off, leaving Severus alone with her.

He pulled up a chair and sat as close to the bed as he could, then tentatively took her hand. It felt strange, but different, to be holding his own hand. It was warm, and the long, pale fingers seemed to swamp Hermione's own. Severus leant forward and stroked the hair from Hermione's forehead, and fought the urge to plant a gentle kiss there. Holding his own hand was fine. Kissing himself was simply not on.

***

Hermione felt strange. Her head was sore, and although she was lying perfectly still she could have sworn that the room was spinning. Her awareness began to spread to the rest of her body and she could feel the unmistakeable sensation of someone stroking her hand with soft, gentle fingers. She opened her eyes a little, peeking beneath her eyelashes surreptitiously. Severus was there, his face set as a mask as he gazed down at their hands. She hadn't ever seen her own face when she was worried about something but she had a pretty good idea that this was how she looked.

'Hello,' she whispered, wrapping her hand around his fingers and squeezing softly. Severus looked up instantly, and Hermione didn't miss the look of relief and the soft gasp that escaped his lips. She smiled at his concern, and at the slight flush of pink that suddenly coloured his cheeks. She was never any good at hiding her emotions, and now poor Severus had to manage a face that told everything.

'How are you feeling?' Severus started to move his hand away, but Hermione just tightened her own grip. She knew instantly that he was about to take the blame for what happened in the classroom, but it had been no-one's fault but her own.

'Since the war, I have had an overwhelming fear of wands,' she whispered. 'And any spells that cast a light. With people I know and trust, it doesn't worry me. You weren't planning on hexing me, were you Severus?' Hermione smiled gently, and tried to inject a touch of levity into her words.

'You should have told me before,' Severus said with a sigh. 'I apologise for earlier. This mishap was not your fault.'

'It was, actually, but it's too late now. And as for the class. I thought it was about time I got over it. I don't think I have,' she admitted. She looked up and caught his eye and smiled at him warmly and Severus felt his heart speed up slightly as the sight it. He noticed the way her eyes crinkled at the corners and took in the pale luminescence of her skin, and his eyes drifted to her softly parted lips. He felt a sudden urge to run his tongue along the crease of her mouth, and realised too late that he was staring and practically drooling over himself. Hermione started to laugh softly.

'I am alright, Severus. Please stop worrying.' Hermione squeezed his hand one last time before stifling a yawn, and the moment, whatever it had been between them, was fully interrupted when Poppy returned.

'Thank goodness.' Poppy withdrew her wand and Hermione immediately closed her eyes as she cast yet more diagnostic spells. 'You'll live, Professor. But I will tell you what I told Severus. I cannot begin to imagine the risks you have put yourselves in with this Polyjuice malarkey. And you might want to explain to Severus just how your hormonal changes manifest themselves, just in case he feels the need to sob for no apparent reason in class.' Poppy looked pointedly between the two of them before turning on her heel swiftly.

Hermione huffed in annoyance. 'I have never broken down in tears while teaching,' she muttered under her breath. I normally wait until I'm in my quarters, she thought to herself, but Poppy had a point. She couldn't in her wildest dreams imagine Severus Snape successfully coping with her menstrual cycle. She looked back at Severus hesitantly.

'It's a bit of a mess, isn't it?' she said softly.

'Just a bit,' Severus agreed with a small smile.

'You don't suppose we could discover an antidote for Polyjuice within the next three weeks, do you?' Hermione said, her eyes rolling as she said it.

'The idea has merit. But we have three months, Hermione. Why do want to rush it into three weeks?' Severus frowned at her in puzzlement.

Hermione coughed lightly and looked up to the ceiling, measuring her words carefully before speaking. It occurred to her that this was part of Severus, because she had a tendency to just speak and then think afterwards.

'In three weeks time, I would rather not be in your company. Like Poppy said, we didn't exactly think this through.' Hermione scowled slightly when Severus gulped and went pale.

'That soon?' he whispered, not having any real clue about such things. 'Then I think we will be burning the midnight oil, Professor Granger.'

Hermione yawned again, and she felt Severus pat her hand as he stood to leave.

'Get some sleep. I'll be back later,' he said softly.

Hermione opened her eyes a little and watched as he walked away, and she couldn't help but appreciate the way his jeans clung to his peach-shaped behind. With a snort, Hermione closed her eyes and mentally berated herself. The sooner she was back in her own body, the better.