It's Christmas Time (of the month)

16. It's Christmas Time (of the month)

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

~ Norman Vincent Peale

Christmas fever was gripping Hogwarts. Students were in a flurry of packing and last minute gift giving, the ghosts were practising for their Christmas Day sing-along, and the house elves were busy helping Professors Flitwick and Sprout with the castle decorations. There was always a touch of over-exuberance, with Filius Flitwick announcing to anyone who would listen that 'It's what Dumbledore would have done.' Severus sniffed as he walked past, his eyes blinded by the clash of colour and the bright, sparkling fairies that seemed to light up every dark corner. Three more days and he could finally relax in his own quarters with his whisky and a good book. It couldn't come soon enough.

If there was one thing he had realised from being Hermione Granger, it was just how popular she was as a teacher. The past few days had seen a steady trickle of students, mostly girls, stopping at the desk in the Potions classroom and leaving small gifts of chocolate or inexpensive toiletries, and from one thoughtful student, a set of hair clips encrusted with red stones. Severus had found he felt grateful and humbled on Hermione's behalf, and he planned to visit her after supper to deliver them to her safely. He had a feeling she would be glad of them once they had returned to their normal selves. With a small smile to himself, he entered the Great Hall and walked up to the head table, slipping into Hermione's usual seat and saying a friendly hello to Hagrid two seats down. He ordered chicken and salad, and watched as Hermione walked purposefully through the doors and strode between the tables of students gathered for their last meal before catching the train the following day. His eyes narrowed as he saw some of the first years flinching at the sight of Professor Snape walking past, and noted the distinct lowering of volume as conversations became whispered murmurings instead of excited pre-holiday chatter. His reputation had not been tempered by the passage of time, it seemed, and he found that thought made him feel more than a little sad. Unbidden, Severus felt tears pricking his eyes and the irrational urge to burst into tears. He cast his eyes down to his plate, but found his appetite had suddenly waned. In fact, all he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and have a good cry.

Hermione sat down beside him and ordered her food before she noticed that he hadn't even said hello.

'Are you alright?' she whispered quietly, trying not to draw attention to their conversation. They had fallen into a set routine of dissembling between them, and usually Severus would give her a bright and cheery hello and a smile. She would respond with a brief but courteous greeting and they would concentrate on eating in silence. This was a definite change in their usual exchange and Hermione picked up on it immediately, as Severus knew she would. He couldn't help it, and he couldn't look up either. He knew that as soon as she looked into his eyes she would see the tears there, and the last time Severus cried in front of anyone he was eight years old with a grazed knee.

'You're not eating,' she persisted. Severus shook his head and sniffed without really wanting to, and he felt Hermione stiffen at his side. He almost started with shock when he felt Hermione touch his arm softly. Without a word she vanished his meal and then tapped his plate again with the tip of her wand. A large bowl of chocolate mousse appeared, topped with a more than usual amount of chocolate sprinkles, and Severus knew without a doubt that he needed this dessert more than anything else and that if he ate every last mouthful, he would feel a whole lot better. He turned and gave Hermione a watery but grateful smile, then lifted his spoon and started to eat. He couldn't help but moan with pleasure as the chocolate hit his tongue, and he felt Hermione chuckling beside him.

'I know exactly how you feel. Three more days, and then I'll take those nasty hormones back, okay?'

Severus could hear the teasing tone in her voice, but he didn't care. There was chocolate mousse to be eaten, and right now it was the most important thing in the world.

***

If there was one thing that Hermione hadn't contemplated when setting out on this trial, it was maintaining contact with her friends. She couldn't write to them in Severus' handwriting, so as a consequence they hadn't heard from her in almost a month. They had no idea what a disaster her trial had turned out to be or that she and Severus were pretending to be each other, and it was just typical that Harry had decided to check on his friend in person rather than waiting any longer for a missive that wasn't coming. The day before Christmas Eve, a harassed Severus stood outside the door of his own quarters with an equally harassed looking Harry Potter, neither of them looking best pleased with the other. Hermione stared at them with a mixture of amusement and shame at keeping Harry in the dark, and she rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation.

'Harry,' she grinned at him. 'Severus?'

Severus pushed past her and into his own quarters in annoyance, his arms crossed in front of himself, and he glared angrily at both her and Harry but said nothing.

'Hermione? Is that really you?' Harry stared at Hermione and walked around her slowly, looking her up and down.

'Do you mind, Potter? Stop looking at my person like it's something a Hippogriff left behind,' Severus grumbled.

'Yes it's me. I'm so sorry Harry. I did mean to write, but, well, there was an accident and a mix up and... well, this happened.' Hermione waved a casual hand between herself and Severus. 'Oh, Harry, it's so good to see you!'

Hermione went to give Harry a hug as she normally would but was stopped in her tracks by the look of utter horror on Harry's face and a grunt of amusement from Severus. Hermione realised at once that Harry was seeing Severus and not her, and she had a sneaking suspicion that she knew exactly what had Severus in a snit. She started to laugh out loud.

'Oh my god! He hugged you, didn't he?' She grinned at Severus, who flushed red and turned to inspect a particularly ugly portrait beside the fireplace.

'He hexed me in return. He's almost as good as you, actually.' Harry started to laugh, and the atmosphere began to thaw a little, apart from Severus, who had drifted over to his own bookcase and studying it like these were books he had never read before.

'Let's have a drink. I have a favour to ask you, anyway.' Hermione motioned Harry to sit on the sofa in front of the fire and poured three generous measures of Severus's own firewhisky. 'Severus, stop sulking. There's whisky,' she said playfully waving the glass at him.

Severus looked at her blankly, and then shrugged. 'I suppose I should drink it. It is mine, after all,' he muttered.

Hermione sat in one of the chairs beside the fire, leaving Severus to take what was essentially his chair. She missed the quizzical look that Harry was giving them both as she took a long sip of whisky, but she smiled at him when she realised he was looking from one to the other of them as if watching a tennis match.

'We're sort of used to it now, I think. I know it's a bit weird. But tomorrow we'll be back to normal thank goodness.' She smiled at Severus and was gratified when he smiled back at her. Harry choked on his drink and coughed loudly, and Hermione rolled her eyes again.

'Honestly Harry. You didn't really think that Severus never, ever smiled? I'm sure that even during the war he must have smiled now and then.'

'Not much.' Severus had decided to join the conversation. 'I find I have more to smile about now,' he mused. He was staring into his glass, and Hermione smiled softly as she watched him. She loved him when he spoke without thinking. He showed more of himself than he realised.

'You'll be back to normal in time for Christmas then? That's brilliant,' Harry said warmly. Hermione's heart sank.

'That was the favour I wanted to ask you. I can't come to the Burrow this year. It's just too awkward, with Ron and everything,' she said quietly. 'I'm sorry.'

'I thought you might decide to do that. I get it, really. Ron is being a total git at the moment and not just to you. Come to me and Ginny on Boxing Day instead? You too, Severus. You're more than welcome,' Harry said clearly.

Hermione watched as Severus turned his face towards Harry and a ghost of a smile

crossed his face. Two pink spots appeared on his cheeks and he nodded in acknowledgement of Harry's offer. Hermione couldn't help but feel her heart burst at his gesture. He could have cut him to the quick with some sort of a barbed comment, but he had handled it more than politely even if he hadn't accepted outright. The urge to pull him close and kiss him senseless was almost overwhelming for a few moments, and Hermione had to drag her eyes away from him. She shook her head, trying to understand just what was happening. She was more than aware of her own feelings for Severus, but this. This was different and it was wrong on so many levels. She was living life as Severus, experiencing his reactions most of the time, being in touch with his feelings about certain situations. It had helped her to understand him better than she would ever have been able to ordinarily. As she mused her current line of thinking, oblivious that Harry and Severus were now staring at her, unable and unwilling to talk amongst themselves, Hermione felt herself pale as a sudden realisation hit her. She needed to read through her spell books again, and quickly.

'Harry, I'm really sorry but I've just remembered something I have to do. I'll see you on Boxing Day, okay.' Without another word, Hermione left both Severus and Harry alone in front of the fire and almost ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Harry looked at Severus with a wry smile and shrugged.

'She's still got a bit of herself in there, then,' he stated with a chuckle.

'Have you ever seen me run like a girl, Potter?' Severus tried to glare at Harry but it didn't seem to have the desired effect, and Harry lifted the almost empty bottle of Firewhisky and topped up both glasses.

'First time for everything, Snape. Happy Christmas.' He raised his glass to Severus and downed it in one.

***

Hermione stood in the dungeon lab, the workbench now clear of ingredients and now covered in open spell books. It was here somewhere, she just knew it. There was something that just didn't add up and she had to get to the bottom of it before they reverted to normal the next day. Reading through the personality spell, Hermione came to the conclusion that this wasn't it, and she growled in frustration.

'It's not actions,' she muttered as she ran her hand through Snape's hair. 'Feelings, and intent...' she whispered, pulling another, larger tome towards her. This was a text she had taken from the Restricted Section, most of it rambling nonsense about spells to influence another's feelings, but there was one paragraph...

'Here!' She pulled a candle towards her to better see the faded words scratched into the cracked parchment.

'The need for one to affect a spell to change the depth of feeling of another will be instantly negated by the presence of already held stronger feeling. Thus, if a spell is ineffective, assume that the individual is already held in thrall by the deeper feeling that that which is intended.'

Hermione stared at the page as the sickle dropped, and she felt a tear fall down her cheek. She watched as it landed on the ancient script, and she waved her hand to dispel the salty liquid and wiped her face, her breath coming in low shudders.

She wasn't lusting after herself after all. She wasn't harbouring some strange fetish or a deep, narcissistic love for herself. These feelings were not hers to feel at all.

They belonged to Severus Snape, and he was in love with Hermione Granger.