15. Adjusting and Accepting

15. Adjusting and Accepting.

Hermione and Severus were naked and in his bed, curled around each other. Neither of them was sleeping but rather enjoying the comfortable silence. His room was the largest in the house and cosy like his living room. It occurred to Hermione that he probably spent most of his time in those rooms, and she imagined what life was like for him and what life would be like for both of them in the future. Going to Lonely Hearts, Inc. had turned both of their lives upside down.

They had explored each other eagerly, lips and tongues, kisses and soft caresses, followed by his fingers inside her, her fingers around his throbbing shaft, and her lips around his pulsing head. It was brief and frantic, and they were catching their breath until they were both ready to do it again, a little slower this time.

'What did you put on your form, Severus? What were you looking for?' Hermione murmured into his chest, planting soft kisses against his pale flesh.

'It doesn't matter,' he murmured, stroking her hair with his fingers.

'Don't you want me to know?' Hermione stopped kissing him and looked at him, resting her hand on her elbow and stroking his dark hair away from his face.

Severus regarded her for a moment. He really didn't want to tell her. He had ticked the box of 'lifetime commitment,' not considering he would be matched with someone as young as Hermione... Not considering it would be Hermione he would be matched with. It had changed things. He wasn't prepared to let her waste her life on him. She had too much to offer, and she was too brilliant. She would get itchy feet before long and move onto new things, perhaps another position more stimulating. The shop couldn't possibly hold her interest forever.

'There is nothing to say. I filled out my form, and Valentine matched me with you. Although I did say I wanted an adventurous lover.' He lifted his hand and started to stroke her inner thigh with his fingertips. Hermione stilled his hand with hers and looked him in the eye.

'You are changing the subject, Severus. You have already told me you wanted more than just sex. If we're going to continue with this, I think we should know what we both want out of it, don't you?' Hermione was serious. She had ticked the 'lifetime commitment' box, and she wasn't sure how Severus would feel about being tied to one woman for life after being on his own for so long.

'Why do you need to know all of the answers, Hermione?' Severus frowned at her, a little irritated. 'You asked me. I said it doesn't matter. We were matched; we know we're soul mates, and here you are, naked in my bed. What else do you need to know?'

Hermione looked at him, tears of frustration pricking her eyes.

'I just wish you would open up to me Severus. That's all. I know you, but I don't know what goes on inside your head, and I don't know what you want from me.' Her lip trembled, and she took a deep breath, not allowing her tears to fall.

Severus looked at her, eyes wet and biting her lip a little. He sighed deeply.

'I can't give you what you want right now, Hermione. But I do want you,' he said, sliding his hand back up her leg and started to stroking her labia softly with his fingers, 'if that helps.'

Hermione closed her eyes, and her mouth opened in a soft gasp as he started to circle her clit with his thumb. Her resolve was broken, and she sighed contentedly, dropping her mouth to his and letting him explore her with his tongue.

'I want you, too,' she murmured, and Severus felt his cock harden at her words. He had never been desired in this way before. Women had wanted him, certainly, but for his cock to fill them--not for him. And whether Hermione knew it or not, he had never touched a woman he had cared about deeply before. This was as new to him as it was to her.

Hermione brought her hand between his legs and tangled her fingers in his pubic hair, pulling and making him wince.

'What was that for?' he muttered into her mouth.

'For being so damn frustrating,' she hissed at him and moaned as he thrust a finger inside her.

'Better?' he growled, and Hermione gasped, wrapping her hand tightly around his cock and squeezing.

'Much,' she whispered, moving her hand up and down his length. She was starting to become an expert already, and Severus groaned as her thumb brushed pre-cum around his head.

Severus increased his thrusting, his thumb bouncing off her clit as he massaged her G-spot with his fingertip. Hermione increased her pace as she started to grind herself against his hand. Her head fell back onto the pillows as she felt her orgasm build, and Severus moved his head to hers, his body pressing against her breasts. His cock hit her thigh slightly as he thrust his tongue in and out of her mouth to match their movements. Suddenly, neither of them were able to kiss anymore; their mouths fell open, and they moaned and gasped against each other's lips.

'Oh, fuck!' 'Oh God!' 'Yes... oh, yes!' 'Harder... oh, gods, yes...' 'Faster... oh, gods, please!'

And then there were no words--just breathing, eyes closed, bodies arching. Hermione came hard, sheathing his finger tightly. She felt Severus pulse under her hand and squeezed a little tighter as his come spurted from him, hitting her rounded stomach, his balls slapping against her thigh as he groaned in her ear.

He fell onto her, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close and stroking his hair. His finger was still inside her, and he slid it out slowly. Hermione groaned in disappointment. She loved the feel of part of him inside her, and her resolve not to make love was waning with each encounter.

'You are incredible, witch,' he murmured softly in her ear, smiling against her.

'Gods, so are you, Severus.' Hermione laughed a little. 'Hidden talents they didn't teach you in Potions class...'

'Shhh, Hermione. You don't always have to talk,' he murmured. 'Go to sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.'

Hermione smiled, recognising the tone of his voice and knowing she had better do as he said. She rather liked him taking control in the bedroom already.

****

The next morning, Severus rose early and immediately followed his usual pattern almost as if Hermione wasn't in the house. It was only when he was ready to leave that she reminded him she needed to go to her flat and find some clothes for work. Severus nodded and said nothing, but inside, he was irritated at having his routine broken. He walked ahead of Hermione to the Apparition point, and they Apparated separately to her flat. It didn't escape Hermione's notice that he hadn't wanted to hold her this time, and she pursed her lips. She knew he wasn't happy, but it was just tough. She wanted him; she really did. But she was determined not to make love to him until she really wanted to, and they would just have to cope with it.

Hermione unwarded her front door and invited Severus to wait in her small, bright living room while she changed quickly. He looked around as he waited and nodded a little. The whole of one wall was clad from floor to ceiling with a white wood bookshelf crammed to overflowing with textbooks and novels. Hermione had a Muggle television in the corner of the room, but he would bet money it was rarely switched on, particularly when he saw a large, squashy armchair next to a reading table with an extendible lamp. Like him, Hermione must spend most of her free time reading. There was no fireplace in the room, but a shelf on another wall held photographs, both magic and Muggle. Severus was drawn to one picture in particular of Hermione at Hogwarts on a snowy day, dodging a snowball thrown from an unknown source and laughing widely as it missed its target. Her hat was pulled over her bushy hair, and her Gryffindor scarf wrapped around her neck, and she grinned into the camera before the scene replayed itself. He stooped to take a closer look, and stroked her face with his finger gently. She was so much a part of his life that he couldn't imagine a day when she wouldn't be there.

Hermione leaned against her doorframe and watched Severus silently, a small smile on her lips.

'You can keep it, if you like,' she said softly, smiling at him.

Severus turned and looked at her. Her hair was tied back tightly, and she was wearing her usual working clothes: jeans, t-shirt and her robes. He smiled gently.

'Can I?' he asked her.

'Of course. It's yours.' She walked slowly towards him and took his hand in hers gently.

'So am I, Severus,' she murmured.

He looked at her and smiled again, not knowing what to say or, more to the point, what she wanted him to say.

Hermione realised he wasn't going to respond and busied herself then, trying to hide her disappointment. She grabbed a couple of books from her shelf, ran into her small kitchen to feed Crookshanks, and walked back into the lounge to find Severus still gazing at her photograph. Her eyes went a little steely as she watched him.

'You know, Severus... there is no substitute for the real thing. We had better go,' she muttered.

Severus slipped the photograph into his robes and didn't speak. He had upset her in some way, he knew, but he was really not very good at communicating where his emotions were concerned.

He couldn't tell her he was jealous of the photographer for eliciting the beautiful smile from her, and that he was jealous of the person throwing the snowball, simply because it wasn't him. He couldn't tell her anything.

So how on earth could he tell her he had fallen in love with her?