Chapter 27

Sarah's weekend with her old friends turned out to be an utter blast. They ended up hitting a cheesy club on Saturday night until the wee hours, drinking cocktails and having a competition to see who could do the craziest dancing. Several times, they each had to rebuff the advances of various drunken and eager men ready to pounce and paw them. They all went for a hearty fry-up at a local greasy spoon café to lock down the hangover on Sunday morning before heading their separate ways at the tube with much hugging, kissing and vows of "Let's not leave it so long next time!"

Sarah had read the remaining chapters of "Hogwarts: A Revised History" avidly on her long train journey back from London. She was by turns shocked, horrified, and then tremendously awed by what she had read. Severus was, by all accounts, somewhat of a hero, turning his back on the Dark Lord and his followers to help save both Hogwarts and the wizarding world from darkness by playing the perfect double agent for years. The book didn't go into great detail about the Death Eaters or their activities apart from the battle of Hogwarts, and it left Sarah with many questions about the organisation, let alone why Severus chose to join them in the first place.

He killed his oldest friend and mentor, she thought, as the train rumbled through the increasingly bleak landscape. He killed Albus Dumbledore! Because Albus asked him to, as part of the plan! She was suddenly reminded of the intensity and fierceness of Severus' interrogation about Abracadabra, and now knew why it had troubled him so.

She looked out the window and saw shrubs and hedges flying past as the train roared ever onwards. Still the questions rolled though her mind like a storm on a sea. He'd stared death in the face. He'd lived under its shadow for so long. How did he find the strength to keep going, to do what needed to be done? How did he manage to play his part on both sides so well? What had made him turn from the Dark Lord in the first place? Why did he decide to return to Hogwarts after the war, when he was free to do whatever he wanted? Why did he refuse the offer of Headmaster? Why did he turn down the Order of Merlin from the government? Who were the Death Eaters? Who was Lord Voldemort?

She sighed, and suddenly wished she could find as many books as she could to fill in the gaps in her knowledge. She was desperate to ask Severus all the questions now racing through her mind, but understood even more keenly Albus' advice that it would be unwise to do so, seeing for herself in print some of what he had gone through.

My brave man, she thought proudly, and could not wait to be in his arms again. She rested her head on the window and closed her eyes, thinking of the huge hug she was going to give him when she saw him later. He would not know why, of course, and she would not broach the subject with him until the time felt right. But oh, what a cuddle he was going to get in the meantime!

The hypnotic clattering of the train gradually lulled Sarah to sleep. She was soon dreaming of being inside a dense black fog. It was disorientating; whichever way she turned, there was no way out from the thick, smoke-like murk. She could hear laughing and the occasional scream, and not knowing where the sounds came from made them even more eerie and frightening. She felt cold and trapped and alone; so very alone. She woke up with a start as the train pulled into the tiny station at Spinner's End, glad for the daylight.

* * *

Sarah rushed home from the station and freshened up as quickly as she could. She decided she would wear some frilly underwear with which to surprise Severus, and she eventually chose a pretty black two-piece with delicate pink lace detail. Feeling brave, she covered herself in just a long coat and heels, and made her way to his house.

Severus had invented a cunning little charm so that they could access each other's houses, as long as the occupant was in at the time. She held her wand at the lock and whispered, "Aperiamorus," hoping he was at home. With relief, the door swung silently open, and she crept on tiptoes into the hallway, closing the door as quietly as she could. Now she pushed the lounge door and it swung forwards without a creak as she made her way gingerly into the lounge, still not making a sound.

To her surprise, Severus wasn't in the lounge, although he looked like he'd been there recently, judging by the book cast down on the sofa and the chair shoved carelessly away from the desk. Sarah noticed a large, ornamental bowl sitting on the desktop and grinned. He hasn't been giving himself a facial treatment has he? She asked herself with disbelief, creeping over for a look and fully expecting to see it filled with steaming, scented bubbles. Instead, she saw a swirling mist of silver-grey, and it reminded her of the candy floss she used to eat at the fairground when she was little.

The mist looked inviting, so she skimmed a hand through it, hoping to feel the haze roll off her hand. Instead, her hand completely disappeared underneath. Puzzled, she reached her arm in a little more, up to the elbow, but instead of reaching the bottom of bowl, her arm had once more vanished. Not to be outdone, she pushed her arm in all the way to the shoulder, and as she did so, noticed a tiny patch of movement in the centre of the bowl. It was as big as a ten pence piece and was rather like looking through the opposite end of a telescope. Was that – people? She wondered, moving her face forwards to peer closer at the source of the movement. Just then, her nose touched the swirling mist, and before she knew what was happening, she was tumbling, tumbling forwards into the basin. Her rational mind knew this was impossible, yet she was flipping over and over, and just as she was about to scream with shock, she felt her feet slam on to solid ground.

She looked around, and could tell she was in a cellar. In front of her was a group of men crowded around something, jeering and laughing. Sarah thought she'd entered some kind of portal, and looked up desperately for an exit, yet there was no escape. Cautiously, she stepped forwards towards the men, and tried a quiet, "Hello?"

There was no response, so she tried again, this time louder. Again, there was no response. Puzzled, but feeling braver, she walked forwards until she was behind a tall man with long blond hair. "Excuse me," she said loudly. No response. "Excuse me," she said again, this time bringing her hand up to tap him on the shoulder, and was shocked when her hand went through him as it would through smoke. Ghosts? She wondered quizzically, recoiling with a shiver. But why can't they see me?

The men continued to leer as she tried to make sense of this, and her ears pricked up at one of the men saying the name "Severus". Her head whipped round, and she saw a very young but nonetheless unmistakable figure of Severus, striding forwards into the circle towards... Oh God! A terrified, sobbing, half-naked woman. Sarah understood now that this was a memory and the knowledge brought her even more discomfort.

She saw the young Severus unzipping his flies and then watched as he dropped to his knees, covering the woman. Sarah's eyes opened wide with revulsion as she watched him bring his mouth close to the woman's ear. All the time the woman was shaking with fright, her cheeks damp with tears. The men were cheering like animals as Severus mounted her, drowning out the sobs of the woman. Sarah thought she was going to pass out as her stomach knotted with disgust and terror. No, not my Severus... No, please... But there was no denying what she was witnessing.

Just then, she felt rough hands on her shoulders, and she was being pulled up, up, until she had surfaced from the basin and was back in the lounge at Spinner's End, looking straight into the angry black eyes of the older Severus Snape.

"What did you see?" he snapped, his onyx eyes glinting menacingly.

Sarah could not answer. She was dumbfounded. This man... this man, whom she loved, who she believed was good, who she was told was good, a hero no less, was in fact a cold-blooded rapist. She couldn't process what she had just seen.

"WHAT DID YOU SEE?" he roared, grabbing the tops of her arms roughly. His eyes had a demented look she had never seen before, and suddenly Sarah was very, very afraid.

"Get off me!" she cried, and Severus knew it was too late, that the damage had been done. She was afraid of him, her voice and her eyes told him as much. She'd seen the worst of him, and now she would turn away from him.

He dropped his grip on her quickly as if burned, holding his hands up like a gesture of surrender.

"Get. Out." He muttered in a low voice. She gazed at him for a few moments, her eyes swimming with tears.

"I SAID, GET OUT!" he yelled, and Sarah whimpered as she fled through the house, hot tears stinging her eyes as she clattered out the front door and into the rising twilight.

***

Author's note: "Aperiamorus" is from the Latin "aperire" meaning "to open" and "amor" meaning "love".