Chapter Sixteen: Return to Magic

Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to JKR. I'm just tormenting them a bit.

Chapter Sixteen: Return to Magic

"Bye! Don't forget to write!"

"And send us some of those Honeydukes chocolates."

"And we expect all the details if you shag Snape!"

"Amelia!"

"What? You were both thinking it."

"But we didn't say it!"

***

Hermione

They're crazy, but I love them. Apart from Ginny, I've never really had a girlfriend before. Lavender and Parvati were too self-absorbed, and Luna is, well, Luna. And even Ginny is so wrapped up in Harry most of the time, we never get to talk. It was nice just being one of the girls.

I suppose that happens when you're not being an obnoxious know-it-all, Granger.

Bloody hell, now he's taken up residence in my head!

Okay, now I'm out of sight, I can find a quiet spot and Apparate. Wonder where he is?

Oops. There he is. On the ground. Must have Apparated here at the same time. Lucky we didn't get Splinched together.

Now, that's a thought.

Well, he could have at least checked I was all right. Seems he's taking this return to the old Snape seriously.

Ha. You can't fool me, Snape; I'm on to your game. She won't chase the greasy git.

Well, too late, darling. I know what the greasy git is hiding under his sneers, and I rather like it.

Oh, heavens. There are the boys. Better stop ogling Snape's bum. They might have heart attacks.

***

Snape

Damn, nearly gave myself away when she landed on me. Had to get out of there fast. Perhaps if I ignore her, she'll leave me alone.

Don't leave me alone, my love.

Fuck. She looks so bloody enticing when she's frustrated.

Oh, good. Wonder Boy and the Red-headed Menace. They'll keep her out of my hair.

And my trousers.

Why does that not help?

***

"Mione! You're back!"

"Ron! Harry! I've missed you so much! I hope you've been keeping up with your homework while I've been away."

"Bloody hell, Harry. She's away three months without so much as a letter, and the first thing she's on about is our homework!"

"You know damn well I wasn't allowed to be in contact with you lot. Undercover, remember?"

"I know, love. I was just teasing you. We've had to make do with winding up Neville, and he's nowhere near as much fun. Although, since Snape's been away, Nev's been a different bloke."

"That's Professor Snape, Ron."

"So, you're back to that. Whatever happened to 'Fuck off, Snape!'? I would have thought after three months in his company you'd barely be on speaking terms."

"Shall we just say, Harry, I've seen him in a different light now. You have no idea how unnerving it was while he was acting as Seth Sneyd, the charming, trendy music teacher. He had a fan club!"

"A fan club?"

"Yes. A bunch of girls who thought he was the sexiest man in the school. They hung around him like bees around a honeypot."

"This is Snape you're talking about? I know he looks better with that haircut and those clothes, but... Hey, you didn't think he was sexy, did you?"

"Actually, I had to agree with the girls. Once I got over the whole smiling thing, I realised he's damned hot. Sorry, boys. I guess I'm just a girl, after all."

"He smiled?"

"All the time. Well, in front of the other students, anyway. Most of the time when we were alone he was being a complete pillock. That's when he wasn't ogling my cleavage while we danced at the Halloween ball, or..."

"You danced with Snape?"

"You had cleavage?"

"Oh, for goodness sake, Ron. I danced with him. And I enjoyed it. Yes, even the ogling. And Harry, what do you think these are? Old socks?"

"Hermione, I really did not want to think about your breasts. You put them out there enough when we had that waterfight."

"I didn't see you turn away, Mr Pure and Innocent. Besides, if you noticed them then, why were you so surprised I had cleavage?"

"I was more surprised you'd showed it off, actually. What happened to the prim and proper Hermione Granger we used to know? Have those Muggles got to you with their wicked ways?"

"Hermione Granger has discovered she has a libido, if you must know. And she didn't need any help from the Muggles."

"Anyone we know?"

"What makes you think I'll tell you two? Still, it's good to see you. Now, tell me all about Hogwarts. What have I missed?"

***

Snape

Thank the gods she changed the subject. I was sure those two idiots were going to put two and two together.

And how dare they even think about my witch's breasts. They are for my perverted imagination only.

I'm sure she'll keep them occupied for a few hours. Time for me to have a long hot shower and relieve the pressure in my trousers... again.

I think I'll wear it out soon.

***

"Good morning, sir."

"Good morning, Harry, Ron. Is the coffee on?"

"Er... yes. Here, I'll fetch you a cup."

"Don't bother. I'll get it in a minute or two, once I've glanced at the Prophet. Has anyone seen it?"

"It's in the library, sir."

"Thanks."

...

"Oh, stop it, you two. Anyone would think you'd never heard your names used before."

"But, Hermione. He was polite. And pleasant. It's just not normal. Are you sure he didn't get hexed while you were at that school? Or smoke something funny?"

"No, Harry. He's spent three months as Seth Sneyd, acting reasonably and calling students by their first names. He just hasn't quite broken the habit yet. Isn't that right, Seth, dear?"

"Were you talking about me, Granger?"

"Of course. You're a very interesting topic of conversation. Oh, don't scowl; the boys have seen you behaving yourself. They know you can now."

"Well, don't get used to it. I'm sure I will locate my inner git somewhere, and then you can all relax. Now, where's that fucking coffee?"

"See, boys. I told you he can be a complete pillock."

"Hermione! You can't call him that! Even we don't go that far."

"Listen to your friends, Granger. For once, they are showing more respect than you."

"Respect? I'll give you respect, Severus Snape, when you admit you're wrong."

"Hermione? Is there something we should know about?"

"No, Ron. It's between me and this pig-headed, self-sacrificing prat here. You do not want to know!"

"Right, then. We'll just be off to the shops. Back in an hour or so. Er... Professor? Please don't hex her while we're away. I think it's that time again."

"Yeah, 'Mione. We'll bring back chocolate. You know that always helps."

...

"Do you need some of that potion, Granger?"

"The only thing I need is you, Severus. You're just too blinded with self-denial to see it. I'll be in my room. Feel free to join me..."

***

Snape

Gods, I'm tempted.

I want to forget about who I am, who she is, and just go to her. Behind that door, we can forget the world and just be a man and a woman. We'll create our own magic, drink from the cup of life, and dine on the fruits of love.

Oh, for the love of Merlin, that's pathetic! Waxing poetic about something that's never going to happen.

Get a grip on yourself, man!

No. Not that sort of grip...

Dammit. I need to find a decent book and take my mind off the witch.

***

Hermione

I suppose it was pointless hoping he would take up my invitation. Can't blame him really, one minute I tell him I love him, bastard nature and all, and the next I'm berating him for it. He probably thinks I've totally lost it.

I need a plan. A plan of seduction.

No, that won't work. He's a bloody Slytherin and will see through anything I can come up with. I'm too much of a Gryffindor. But maybe that can work in my favour. The direct approach. He'll never see it coming...

I just need to try and ignore him for a while, so he thinks I've given up.

That'll be bloody near impossible. I don't know if I have enough willpower.

Study. That'll do it. Catch up on last term's work.

He'll never suspect a thing.

***

"Come on, Hermione. It's Christmas Eve. Can't you give the books a rest, just for tonight?"

"And tomorrow is Christmas Day. You'll want my full attention then. Just let me study for an hour or two longer, and then I'm all yours."

"Listen to her, you fools. Perhaps you should consider a little study yourselves. I imagine you have been barely able to string two words together in your essays with Granger otherwise occupied."

"Oh, now he's back. Thanks, professor, for your support of your fellow men. Come on, Harry, we're obviously not wanted here. Let's go and find the chess set. I feel like giving you a thrashing."

"Is there something going on between those friends of yours I should know about, Granger?"

"Sounded like it, didn't it? No, just their usual chess rivalry. They'll never grow out of it."

...

"Why are you studying so obsessively, Granger? Do you not realise you could have passed your N.E.W.T.s last year and still obtained top marks?"

"That's not the point. It doesn't hurt to be prepared. And I can't believe you just said that. Where was the praise when I was in your class all those years? Would it have harmed you to write one positive comment on my essays?"

"It could have harmed our entire war effort if the wrong person saw what I really wanted to write, Granger. Suffice to say, you were always my best student in Potions. Although the incessant hand-waving really was damned irritating."

"I stopped that in fifth year. Did you not notice? I suppose you were so busy ignoring me, you didn't realise I'd given up trying to get your attention."

"I was too busy treading the thin line between my two bloody masters to worry about anything else at the time. Risking one's life every day tends to make one somewhat introspective."

"I'm sorry, Severus. I knew that, really. It was just so frustrating, knowing the one person I desperately wanted to impress was unmoved."

"You did impress me. You still do, every moment of the day. I want..."

"I know. I do too."

...

"What are you doing?"

"Just hugging you. Nothing else."

"Oh. I think I can handle that."

...

"Snape?"

"Mmm. What?"

"You're a really good hugger."

"Don't you dare tell anyone."

"Of course not. They'd all want one, and I told you, I don't share."

"You're impossible, Granger."

"And you love me for it."

"Indeed."

***

A/N: This was written for the Severus Big Bang Birthday Bash on LiveJournal. Many thanks to karelia for her comma-catching and the girls at work for their ideas.