Chapter Two: Under Orders

Disclaimer: They are not mine, unfortunately. Anything that sounds familiar belongs to J.K.R. The rest comes from my warped imagination.

Chapter Two: Under Orders

Hermione

Now what? I finally get rid of the boys upstairs so I can have some peace and quiet to read, and someone sends a bloody owl. At this hour.

Come on, you stupid bird, hand it over! Yes, it's only a crust of bread, but what do you expect with those two human waste-disposal units living here. And the other one is almost as bad.

Give. It. Here! Damned uppity Ministry owls. Think everyone owes them a free lunch.

What the hell does Kingsley want with us at this hour of the night? Oh, for heaven's sake, I'll have to go and wake him up. That'll go down well, I'm sure. I'll be lucky not to be hexed just for having the temerity to come within three feet of his bloody door. Well, he'd better not mess with me. Nothing more dangerous than a witch with PMS.

Wake up, Snape! I've been knocking for ages. Wonder if he has a Silencing Charm up?

Wonder why he has a Silencing Charm up?

The dirty bastard!

How could he?

Okay, maybe after that display I gave earlier he could. Eww. The git is in there doing that while thinking of my breasts. Eww!

Ha. That'll fix him.

***

Severus

Wet T-shirt. Acceptable, Miss Granger.

Full, bouncing tits. Definitely Exceeds Expectations, Miss Granger.

Incredibly pert nipples. Outstanding, Miss Granger!

Just as well I remembered to use a Silencing Charm. Wouldn't want the bountifully-breasted pain in the arse or her sidekicks to know I was doing this. Again.

Oh, what the fuck is that doing in here?

Stop playing with yourself, Snape, and get out here. Kingsley wants to see us. Now!

Merlin! Even her damned Patronus is bossy. And how did she know? Oh. Silencing Charm. Way to be obvious, Sev. Why didn't you just put a sign on the door? "Professor Wanking. Keep Out."

All right. All right. I'm coming! Or would have been if you hadn't interrupted. Give me a minute to get my clothes on, or you'll get more than you bargained for.

Tempting. Might shut her up for once. No, I'd better not. Can't afford to be reported to the Board of Governors for flashing the sweet, innocent students. Innocent my bony arse.

***

"WHAT?"

"No need to shout, Professor. I'm right here."

"That's the bloody problem. Why are you right here?"

"There's still no need to be rude."

"It's one o'clock in the morning, and I was busy... Oh, stop sniggering, girl. What do you want that cannot wait until a decent hour?"

"Kingsley sent us a message. He wants to see us urgently."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. That man is such a drama queen! Nothing could be that urgent."

"He obviously thinks so. Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Are you coming, sir?"

"I wish I was."

"What was that? I didn't quite catch it."

"Never mind, Miss Granger."

***

"You want us to do WHAT?"

"Now, calm down, Severus. It's not that bad. Compared with your previous spying missions, this will be nice and easy."

"Nice and easy? With a brash, Gryffindor know-it-all, who is likely to blow her own cover and mine within the first twenty-four hours? I think not. And how are we supposed to track down the source of illegal magic without using any of our own? That's ridiculous!"

"What about my N.E.W.T.s? I can't just disappear off to some Muggle boarding school for a term and miss all those classes. And how on earth will I fit in there? I haven't done their subjects for years!"

"I'm sure Hermione is capable of maintaining her cover, Severus. She is Muggle-born, after all. She'll probably be able to give you some pointers. The Muggle world is no longer the same as it was twenty years ago. And, Hermione, I have spoken to the headmistress, and she has reassured me you are so far ahead already a term elsewhere will not affect your final scores.

"I've looked into the Muggle curriculum, and you only need to take the minimum three subjects at that level. I suggest English, which is mainly literature based. I'm sure with your love of reading and writing essays... Don't snort, Severus... Mathematics is similar to Arithmancy without the magical component and with a little revision over the next month or so should be easily within your capabilities. Finally, I believe you are quite talented with the flute. You should know enough theory to take Music as a subject."

"But, only three?"

"Hermione. You will not be there to prove your brilliance. With only three subjects to study, you will have more free time to investigate the problem. You don't even need to excel. In fact, I would prefer you did not stand out from your peers. With a little magical intervention, we can create an educational record and exam results, but we do not want any curious Muggles looking too closely at them."

"And me, Shacklebolt? I hope you have not assumed I will be up to teaching Muggle Chemistry? While some of the concepts are similar to Potions, the subjects are quite disparate."

"Oh, no, Severus. You will be the new Music master. Miss Granger, were you aware Severus here is quite the virtuoso on the saxophone? Not something he willingly admits, but nevertheless, his skill and knowledge of music will stand him in good stead for this assignment. Not only can he openly carry around his wand, disguised as his favourite conducting baton, but who would expect a wizard to excel in such a Muggle endeavour?"

"You appear to be taking great delight in revealing some of my best kept secrets, Shacklebolt. And you see fit to subject me to Miss Granger in yet another classroom."

"All the better for you two to communicate any findings. Luckily for the mission, Muggles do not have the Victorian attitude to education we see at Hogwarts. For you to be seen to be friendly with Miss Granger will not appear unusual in the least. Mentoring is very common in their system, and as two newcomers it will seem natural if you take more interest in her."

"And exactly what is so entertaining, Miss Granger?"

"Oh, nothing, sir."

"Spit it out, woman. You obviously have some ludicrous thought running through that infernal brain of yours."

"I just... I just..."

"What?"

"I just realised you will have to be a lot nicer to the students than you are used to, sir. If you don't want to stand out, that is. I have a couple of cousins at Muggle boarding schools, and while they are a little more formal than the local comprehensives, the teachers are generally reasonably approachable and friendly."

"Oh, tremendous. Not only am I stuck with this insufferable chit, I have to be nice to her!"

"Only in public, sir. Feel free to be your usual charming self in private. One other thing. Detentions are usually only an hour and just involve writing lines or doing an essay. No cauldron or other scrubbing. And no docking of House points."

"Splendid, Hermione. I can see you will be a fount of information for Severus over the next few weeks."

"Fantastic. No points deductions. Where's the fun in that?"

***

Hermione

Bloody Magical Law Enforcement. All those Aurors and they can't manage to get into a bloody school to track down some supposedly illegal magic. What's the use of training those people about undercover work if they go to pieces as soon as Muggles are involved? Unless they can Obliviate them, they run for cover!

Trust Kingsley to remember Snape was a Half-blood. Now, I'm stuck with the sod for a whole term or longer. Partners, he said. Sure. When would Snape ever see me as an equal? Wonder what colour the sky is on Planet Shacklebolt? Purple? Perhaps he's been sucking on an old stash of Dumbledore's lemon drops.

And what's in it for me? Another chance for glory? Ha! I've had enough of that tripe to last a lifetime. Let me see. I get to spend quality time with Severus Snape, miss a whole term of Hogwarts classes, and learn Muggle subjects, which might be interesting but no bloody use to me. All the while skulking about without using magic while trying to find someone else who conveniently has a wand at their disposal. Fan-bloody-tastic!

I suppose there's one bonus. Snape has to behave. That'll be fun to watch. No more stalking around tormenting students day and night. He'll have to be polite and reasonable. I wonder if he knows how? He might blow a gasket just trying. I'm so sick and tired of his foul temper.

Damn, he found me. What does he want now? Can't he see I'm trying to sulk in peace? Honestly, you'd think he was the only one who had his plans disrupted the way he is carrying on. Pillock. As if you were really looking forward to another year teaching dunderheads, Snape. They say a change is as good as a holiday.

I can't believe he can play the sax. Such a mellow instrument. And what did Kingsley say? A virtuoso.

I'll believe that when I hear it.

***

Snape

Fucking Kingsley fucking Shacklebolt! Fucking blithering idiots who can't do a simple job, just because it involves Muggles! And who the hell had the inspired idea of shackling me to the Granger chit for a term? Fantastic tits notwithstanding, she'll drive me to drink within a week. Fucking know-it-all, overachieving, hand waving Gryffindor. Partner? I don't think so. Give that girl an inch, she'll take a mile. If I start treating her as an equal, she'll want tea and crumpets and a nice chat every Sunday.

A quick shag on the hearthrug, perhaps...

No, I did not just think that. Quick, Sev, think of something else. That's it... settle... settle... find your inner rage.

A music teacher! What, does he really believe it's so easy? I can read a little music. I can play music. I've read a lot about music. But to teach it to a bunch of precocious brats who have probably been playing their instruments since their mothers wiped their noses for them...

Fuck. I'll have to find a few books.

I don't suppose there are any in the library. Great. Miss Squeaky Clean is lurking in here. Shouldn't you be out playing with your little friends, Granger? Oh, how I am going to enjoy watching you have to behave as if you are merely an average student. It'll make your blood boil. I can see the pout already.

So, she can play the flute. Perfectly, no doubt. Cocky little bint.

I'll believe that when I hear it.

***

A/N: This was written for the Severus Big Band Birthday Bash on LiveJournal. Many thanks to ladyinthecloak for her beta skills.