Chapter Seven: Happy Birthday, Hermione

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Chapter Seven: Happy Birthday, Hermione.

Hermione

Bloody hell. Morning already. All right, all right, I'm moving. Why anyone wants to hear some overly chirpy breakfast radio announcer shouting in their ear about the latest idiotic practical joke doing the rounds when they are still half asleep is beyond me. At least my alarm clock back at Hogwarts did practical things like telling me how late I was for breakfast.

There. Toilet, shower, and teeth done. I suppose I'd better put on a little mascara and lipstick to keep up appearances.

Or for Seth.

Don't be stupid. Just because he was reasonably approachable last night and even made jokes doesn't mean he isn't still the same mean, over-critical bastard he was three weeks ago.

But by the end of the evening he was almost flirting with me. That comment about the towel and what I said afterwards. Oh, gods, how can I face him today? I even said I liked him! He tricked me into that, though. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Okay. I'm Hermione Granger. Harmony is just a cover story. Seth Sneyd does not exist. Any suggestion of a good nature is purely a construct of Snape's cover. He spied in Voldemort's camp for years – of course he gets right into his character. As soon as we return to Hogwarts, it'll be back to berating Miss Granger for being an insufferable know-it-all and docking points left, right, and bloody centre.

Calm now. Good. Time to face the day. At least the girls are surprisingly easy to live with, even Amelia now I know her better. I can't believe they accepted me without question into their group, which is more than most witches I know would have done.

Damn him. Why did he have to pick now to head off to the Dining Hall for breakfast? Couldn't he have made his own in his cottage?

Is he smirking at me?

***

Snape

Well, that was a more interesting evening than I'd expected. Granger can be quite entertaining when she's not trying to outshine everyone around her. And she blushes rather enticingly.

I suppose I shouldn't have made that towel comment. But she started it. Does the wench not realise the image her description would bring to any red-blooded male? Although I'm pretty sure I paid her back in kind. She was rather fixated on my naked chest the day she caught me between the bathroom and my bedroom at Grimmauld Place.

Right, what do we have for breakfast? Nothing, it would seem. No house-elves to supply the food, of course. I suppose I'll have to join the masses if I wish to eat. And no separate staff table here. Oh, what joy.

There's Granger now. Blushing again. I never used to have that effect on a woman.

I think I might enjoy today's sixth year class.

***

"Ooh, there he is. He's coming to breakfast this morning! Do you think he might sit at our table?"

"He's wearing the red shirt. That's my favourite. He looks so hot in it."

"Come on, Harmony, hurry up!"

"I'm coming. What's the rush, anyway?"

"Mr Sneyd is just ahead of us. If we're in line just behind him, we could invite him to sit at our table."

"Why on earth would he want to sit with us? Why do you want to sit with him, Cathy?"

"Because he's dreamy. And the way he speaks... it's so..."

"Well-articulated?"

"No. I was thinking smooth... silky... seductive..."

"Oh, for goodness sake. Seductive? You think it's seductive when he asks you what key is used for a particular piece of music?"

"Well... no. But I could imagine him using his voice for other questions."

"Such as?"

"Cathy, would you like to meet me for a drink this evening?"

"My turn! Lee, could you come closer?"

"Amelia, would you please turn out the light?"

"Amelia! That's so not going to happen!"

"Why not? It's my fantasy, and I'll take it where I like!"

"Shh. He'll hear you lot. You're so embarrassing!"

"Aw, Harmony. You're no fun. After all, it was you who spent yesterday evening with him. You came in so late we didn't get to hear how it went. So, spill!"

"Yeah, Harmony, what did you get up to last night? I saw the sneaky smile he sent your way when he saw us."

"It was not a sneaky smile, Lee! It was a smirk. He's just being superior because we... er... had an argument last night, and he won. We went to the library, did some work, and left. End of story."

"Why are you blushing then?"

"Because, Amelia, I can imagine the road your mind is travelling down, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to be on it."

"Oh, I do. I'll travel down that road with him any day."

"Cathy, you're hopeless. Can we just go and eat breakfast, please?"

"Only if we sit at Seth Sneyd's table."

"Oh, all right. But don't blame me if he's not happy about it."

...

"Good morning, Mr Sneyd. Mind if we join you?"

"Er... no, I suppose not. Good morning, Cathy, Amelia, Lee, Harmony."

"Thank you, Mr Sneyd; you didn't need to pull out my chair."

"You're welcome, Harmony. Why have you brought those three with you?"

"Why are you whispering? Don't you want your fan club to know how much you adore them? And they dragged me to sit here."

"Oh, shut it, Seth, you know I was joking."

"Pervert!"

"... and I spent all day reading that book you recommended, Mr Sneyd. Wasn't it great?"

"Very good, Amelia. It's nice to know some people listen to what I have to say. I'm pleased you enjoyed the book. Now, I really must be off to prepare for my first lesson. Have a good day, ladies."

"Awww. He's so charming. I don't know why you can't see that, Harmony. And what were you whispering with him about? For someone who says she doesn't like him, you certainly have a lot to say to him."

"If you must know, he was asking why we had followed him. I had to try and explain without telling him you three were lusting after his body and drooling over his voice."

"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't have minded."

"But I would have! He would have thought I was thinking the same."

"Well, you sat beside him."

"I didn't get a lot of choice, Lee. He bloody near shoved me into that seat. Probably his self-protective instincts kicking in."

"Oh, well. There's always lunchtime."

"And there's the warning bell. We'd better finish up and head for class."

"Spoilsport. Were you always such a goody-good at your old school, Harmony?"

"Trust me. You wouldn't believe what I was like at my old school, Amelia."

***

Hermione

'Have a good day, ladies.' If he gets any more pleasant I'm sending a message to Kingsley. This place is affecting his personality. Not that I mind exactly, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Any minute he'll revert back to his usual black-hearted self and start snarling and scowling enough to scare the dead.

Returning to Hogwarts is going to be hell. I'm sure he's going to compensate for all this niceness. Especially with me. After all, I've witnessed it. He'll be sure to remind me of my place.

Well, he'll just have to take a running leap. I'm over treating him like a superior being. He's just a wizard, who can damn well be polite. I know he has the potential now.

Oh, hell, I'd better catch up with the girls. Maths will be as good a place as any to start. I wonder if anyone would give themselves away if I started using wizarding oaths. If they ask questions, I could always say I read them in a book and thought they were a milder alternative to usual swear words.

Slow down, Amelia. Damn girl always has to get to class before anyone else!

Snape

Look at her. For once, the know-it-all is unsettled. I must remember this when we return to Hogwarts. A few pleasantries and she's all flustered. Wish I'd known that sooner, could have saved myself a few death glares over summer. Although, she does look quite fetching when she tries to look fierce.

I wonder how Trelawney would react if I was civil to her? No, best not risk it. I'd never get rid of her. But Sprout might be worth playing with. She becomes defensive if I so much as look at her for too long.

I'm not sure I want to go back to stalking around looking for opportunities to deduct points. The entertainment value is not really worth the extra effort entailed. This more relaxed attitude is certainly less work, and no detentions to supervise at night is a bonus I could learn to live with.

Oh, well. Back to work. First year. What joy. At least they can't blow up xylophones. Now, where are my earplugs?

***

"I meant to tell you the other night, I've asked around in the staffroom, and, as far as I can tell, no-one has any odd hobbies. Our target is almost certainly a student in any case, as there have been no new staff members employed over the last two years. Have you made any progress, Granger?"

"Not yet. I've talked to damn near all the fifth and sixth years, and I can't sense any magic, even at close quarters. I've tried using wizarding swear words occasionally to see what reaction I received, but nothing."

"What about the younger students?"

"I don't think it's anyone younger. As it was first noticed last year, the magic would have had to be performed by a third year or younger, and I don't think that's likely. Not with the degree of concealment being used."

"Youth did not appear to stop you and your cohorts. What was it? Yes, exploring forbidden corridors at eleven, brewing Polyjuice at twelve, stunning me at thirteen. Being younger really held you lot back."

"You would remember that. And I was twelve, thirteen, and fourteen at the time. I'm almost a year older than the boys."

"Oh, yes. That reminds me. Happy birthday, Hermione."

"Er... Thanks. How did you know?"

"It's not exactly a secret. It was on your school record."

"But you remembered. That's really... er... sweet, Snape."

"You mention that word in the same sentence as my name again, woman, and you might live to regret it. And don't expect a gift."

"Actually, there is one little thing you could do for me."

"Dare I ask?"

"Say something for me."

"What would you have me say?"

"Say, 'Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger.'"

"Are you insane, Granger?"

"No. Just say it!"

"Very well. Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger."

"Is that the best you can do?"

"What was wrong with that?"

"More vitriol. Say it like you really mean it."

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR, MISS GRANGER!"

"Ah. That's better. It is you."

"I could have told you that. Was it ever in doubt?"

"Well, I was beginning to wonder. You aren't exactly behaving in your usual... er... delightful manner."

"Oh. You miss the greasy git then?"

"I find I do. Pleasant as you have been in class over the last few weeks, it's just not you, Snape. I want my professor back... I don't believe I just told you that! Oh, stop grinning. At least give me a glare so I don't think I've been Portkeyed to a surreal alternate dimension where Severus Snape has turned to sweetness and light."

"There. Happy now?"

"Thanks. I needed that."

"You are a very odd witch, Granger."

"So I've been told, Snape."

***

Hermione

I can't believe he remembered my birthday. It's not like anyone else here knows, and all my friends at Hogwarts aren't allowed to contact me. Imagine the questions if owls had started appearing at breakfast, dumping parcels in my cereal. To think the only birthday greeting I've had was from Snape... I mean, Seth – as Snape he was unlikely to have bothered.

Why do I keep thinking of him as Seth when he is being nice? Because Snape and nice don't belong in the same sentence any more than Snape and sweet. But why not Mr Sneyd?

No. Doesn't work. He's either Seth, the attractive, flirty, funny, Gods-I-want-to-touch-him Muggle, or Snape, the mean, brooding, sarcastic... powerful... witty... fucking sexy, Gods-I-want-to-touch-him wizard.

I must be ill.

Or deranged.

Perhaps I'm spending too much time with Amelia? She's rubbing off.

Someone save me from myself! I need Ron and Harry to remind me Snape is cruel and disdainful and...

***

Snape

What's got into her knickers?

Not me. Pity.

Pervert.

I wish her a happy birthday, and all she wants is for me to act as myself for a change. I wonder if those points will register back at Hogwarts. It's term time, and she is my student at the moment. The look on Minerva's face would be priceless – all tight-lipped and disapproving.

At least, she apologised for mistrusting me all last year, although having her weeping over my hospital bed was a little unnerving. I never knew the old biddy could cry. Still, before I had to do the old man's bidding, she'd been a good friend in her own way. I must make the effort to be more pleasant to her when I return.

That's all very well, but what will I do about Granger? Why do I have the urge to kiss her all the time? Although it would be one way of silencing her prattle.

I wish this was over. It's bad enough playing the part of the smooth and charming Seth Sneyd all day without the added frustration of Granger becoming over-familiar.

Or not familiar enough.

Severus Snape would have no problem maintaining an appropriate distance from the beguiling little chit.

I hate Severus Snape.

***

A/N: This was written for the Severus Big Bang Birthday Bash on LiveJournal. Many thanks to karelia for her beta work. Special kudos go to the girls at work for all their ideas, their names, and their personality quirks, especially Amelia.