Chapter Five: Another Know-it-all

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Chapter Five: Another Know-it-all

Hermione

Two weeks. Two weeks and nothing to show for it. There's more bloody magic in my little fingernail than there is in this place. Kingsley must have acted too late. The bird has flown. Perhaps it was one of last year's sixth years, or a teacher who has left?

Why we have to stay here another month is beyond me. Surely, whoever it is would have done something by now? Although, Kingsley could be right; the culprit is possibly smart enough to conceal any tracks. I suppose another month of observation would be useful.

I only wish Seth... Sneyd... Snape would stop encouraging his senior students though. If I never see another girl drooling over the hot, new music teacher, or wittering on about how, "Ooh, Mr Sneyd has such a gorgeous voice," and, "Mr Sneyd kept me after class today. I think he fancies me!" again, I'll be a happy little spy. He kept you after class because your essay was a load of toss, you stupid cow!

Okay. I admit it. The new clothes and hairstyle have done wonders for Snape's appearance. There's actually quite a sexy wizard under all those robes and scowls and greasy hair.

Never thought I'd think that.

But it's Snape, you idiots. He could disembowel you verbally without so much as raising his voice and probably would enjoy every moment of it if he wasn't constrained by the role he has to play. He'd dearly love to show you what a real detention is all about, not just spending half an hour writing lines while ogling his arse. And don't even start me on the ways he could hex you if he caught you doing it.

Bloody Muggles.

I'm going to hell for thinking that, aren't I?

I'm going to hug Lavender and Parvati when I see them again. They fuss a lot over their hair and clothes, but I've never seen them spend an hour in the morning in front of the mirror like these girls. Hair, make-up, nails, and that's just for school! The way they hoist up their breasts in those push-up bras and leave their shirt buttons undone would never be allowed at Hogwarts. And the short skirts... At least the boys are the same. I think boys would be boys, no matter where in the world they were. Simple, ever-hungry, sports-mad creatures that they are.

It's really odd not seeing anyone, even teachers, wearing robes. And they're all so casual with each other. Everyone's on a first name basis, even some of the younger teachers. I wouldn't be brave enough to call Snape 'Seth' though. He'd probably bite my head off!

At least the main building is an old stone castle, just like Hogwarts, and the boarders' quarters are more modern buildings. Muggles certainly have the advantage with insulation and air-conditioning. It's bliss to have a cool room at the end of a hot day, and I don't have to share.

I'll have to tell Harry all that sneaking about we had to do at Hogwarts has paid off. With no omniscient Dumbledore, prowling Filch, or nosy portraits to worry about, sneaking out to Snape's cottage late in the evening is so easy. It's a little disturbing, letting myself into my professor's living quarters, but better to have a key than to knock and draw attention to myself. Haven't had anything to report anyway. Not that he's done any better. Too busy fending off his adoring fans, no doubt.

Oh, Merlin, what did I miss? Why does he have to interrupt a perfectly good moping session with a bloody question? I'm supposed to be Miss Average, Seth. Stop picking on me! Go ask that know-it-all Amelia. Look, she's just about bursting out of her blouse wanting your attention.

***

Snape

Fucking Shacklebolt! Another four weeks. For what? I think my mouth has gone into spasm from all the unaccustomed smiling. And what on earth do those foolish chits think they are doing? Even when I punish them, they seem to take it as a personal favour. Oh, for those happy, hedonistic halls of Hogwarts where points taking gave such joy, and detentions were real and served to get all those distasteful tasks done.

It's no wonder Granger hasn't discovered anything of use yet. All those hormonal teenage boys sniffing around her like she was some new treat can't be helping.

Not that I can blame them. Her school uniform never looked so good under Hogwarts robes.

You're a pervert, Snape. A disgusting, old pervert.

It's her fault. She brought my attention to her magnificent tits. I was blissfully unaware of her assets before that fucking water fight.

Tease.

But those buffoons had better not touch her. Insufferable Gryffindor know-it-all she may be, but she's my insufferable Gryffindor know-it-all.

Well, not mine. My charge. My responsibility. My student.

Back to that again. Bugger!

She watches me with that amused glint in her eye in class. She knows damn well all this being nice is fucking hard work. Then she waltzes into my quarters as if she owns the place. Too bad if I am walking around naked.

Now there's a thought.

Pervert.

Concentrate, Sev. The class is watching. Wouldn't do to have those daft bints see a bulge in my trousers. I'd never get them out of here. Right, where were we?

Granger seems to have drifted off into a world of her own. Must be time to wake her up.

***

"Er. Sorry, Mr Sneyd, I didn't catch the question. Would you mind repeating it, please?"

"Perhaps you could pay a little more attention to what is happening inside the classroom and less to the scenery outside the window, Harmony."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, let's try again. What is an arpeggio?"

"A broken chord?"

"Correct, if somewhat brief. Does anyone have anything further to offer? Amelia?"

"An arpeggio is a broken chord that typically goes up to the tonic and then down again. For example, in C major, the arpeggio typically starts with the C, then runs through E and G to the next higher C, the tonic, and then back down to G and E and ends with the lower C."

"Excellent. Now, Harmony, don't you agree your answer was a little concise?"

"Oh, sir. I could never hope to attain Amelia's brilliance."

"Indeed."

"Next question. What sign can be used to denote 4/4 beat?"

...

"Anybody other than Amelia?"

...

"Very well. Please enlighten the class, Amelia."

"One may use a semi-circle that looks like a capital C, and people believe it stands for "Common" time. But this isn't quite correct. Until the early seventeenth century, triple time was considered the perfect beat, and anything outside that was considered imperfect. Therefore, a 4/4 beat would have been considered imperfect and was thus represented with an incomplete circle. This may have to do with the religious belief of the Holy Trinity. The semicircle is also seen with a vertical line through it; this stands for "tempus imperfectum diminutum" meaning..."

"Yes, well, thank you, Amelia. It appears time has run away on us again. Please practise your pieces for the recital over the next few days, everyone, and I will run through them with you next week. Have a good weekend."

"Excuse me, sir. May I have a word?"

"Certainly, Harmony. Just give me a moment to clear these desks... Thank Merlin. I thought they would never leave."

"It's your magnetic personality, Seth. They can't help themselves. You're so nice."

"Very bloody funny. Do you have anything important to tell me, or do you just enjoy irritating me?"

"Mostly that, if I'm honest. Seeing you smiling and speaking pleasantly to your students is true entertainment. Except that bloody know-it-all Amelia Radford. You don't have to be so nice to her."

"What, and blow my cover? I don't know why you're complaining. She's annoying and verbose, but she doesn't hold a candle to a certain Gryffindor know-it-all of my acquaintance."

"You take that back, Snape. I was never that bad."

"Oh, but you were. Worse. And don't call me Snape."

"Sorry, Mr Sneyd. Or should that be Seth? Or Mr Temptation? That's the latest. You would think those girls had never seen an attractive man before."

"Attractive?"

"Don't get your hopes up, Sethy-babe. I happen to know under the trendy clothes, stylish hair, and sexy voice lurks the true Severus Snape. Order of Merlin and Master of the Sneer."

"And what would you know of the true Severus Snape, young lady?"

"I know the war is over, and he doesn't have to act as a foul-tempered, mean-spirited git any longer. I know he could look for the positive things in life instead of the negative. I know he could start living again."

"Perhaps he simply doesn't know how any more?"

"Perhaps he needs to ask for help?"

"Perhaps."

...

"Anyway, I just came to ask if you still had that musical theory text of mine. I can't seem to find it."

"No. I don't think so. Haven't you memorised that one yet, Miss Granger?"

"You know perfectly well I haven't. I'd get it out of the library tonight, but it closes at five. I can't believe they expect students to do their homework with no access to the library after dinner. It's absolutely ridiculous!"

"Not everyone wishes to spend their free time in the library. However, I have a key."

"You have a key?"

"Teacher, remember?"

"How could I forget? Mr Sneyd, sir, please may I use the library tonight?"

"I'm not sure. I'd have to accompany you to ensure you were not there for illicit purposes, and I don't know if I can spare the time."

"Please, sir. You know how much I look up to you and respect you, Mr... Seth. We could spend quality time together, getting to know each other."

"Oh, cut it out, Granger. You don't simper very convincingly. Perhaps you should ask Amelia for tutoring? When do you want to use the library? I suppose I could find something to do while you're there. Just promise me one thing. No mooning, drooling, ogling, or groping."

"What about if I did it covertly?"

"You couldn't be covert under Potter's Invisibility Cloak, girl."

"You should be so lucky anyway, Snape. After dinner this evening will be fine, if that suits you?"

"Dinner never suits me. All those salads and wholegrain breads. Gods, I miss Hogwarts meals."

"It won't do you any harm not to eat stodge for a while. Salads are good for you. Embrace the greens."

"The only thing greens are good for is as potions ingredients. And the house-elves do not cook stodge. They cook fine, traditional British fare. None of this new age nonsense."

"Your arteries are probably groaning as you speak."

"Master of Potions, remember?"

"Teacher, Potions master. Is there anything you aren't good at?"

"Rugby. Cricket. Tennis."

"Ha! So they've got to you already about coaching a sports team. That would be something worth watching."

"Don't get your hopes up, miss. It's never going to happen. However, I believe there is a policy that all students must participate in at least one sport. Which one were you planning to sign up for?"

"Fuck. I forgot about that. Can't my favourite teacher sign something to excuse me? Say I have to assist with the recital organisation or something."

"Language, Miss Granger."

"Considering I've heard you use the word a number of times, I'll plead bad influences."

"I think running would suit you. Just think how much fun it would be, getting up at dawn, inhaling all that fresh air as you run lap after lap around the track..."

"Piss off, Snape."

"That's right. Walk away. No respect, the youth of today."

***

"Come on, Harmony. What did you talk to Mr Sneyd about? You were in there for ages!"

"Yeah, c'mon. Give us all the gen. What did Mr Dreamy have to say? Did you get close enough to sniff him?"

"Sniff him? What on earth would I do that for, Cathy?"

"To find out what sort of cologne he wears, of course."

"Why do I care what sort of cologne the man wears?"

"You may not care, but we do."

"You know, I just can't understand what you see in him. He's not that good-looking. And I've heard he can have a really foul temper at times. He's probably just holding back because he's new here."

"Ooh! A real bad boy! A temper just proves he's passionate, and he's so sexy."

"Yeah. Lee's right. He's so dark and striking and... masculine. He doesn't need to be handsome to be sexy, Harmony."

"Oh, for goodness sake, don't you two have a class to go to?"

***

Hermione

They're going to drive me mental, I swear. And so is he. All that good-natured teasing and smiling. Eww. It's just not natural. I keep expecting the nasty git to surface at any moment and flay me with the rough side of his tongue. Can't be good for his blood pressure keeping all that vitriol under wraps. Perhaps he'll get an ulcer?

Actually, Seth Sneyd is quite a man. Attractive, witty, patient. I wonder if it will rub off on Snape. Perhaps I can create a potion to make him stay that way. I'd be the heroine of Hogwarts. The Girl Who Tamed Snape.

No.

I couldn't do that.

I like the old Snape better. Glares and all. At least I know where I stand with him. Preferably somewhere in Antarctica, if he had his way.

I must be crazy.

Bugger. Sports. I hate getting all hot and sweaty. Wonder if hopscotch counts? I used to be good at that when I was seven. I'd probably trip over the marker now. Surely they must have options for those of us of a more academic disposition? After all, we exercise all the time.

Balancing equations.

Speed reading.

Pen pushing.

See. I bet the sports master didn't think of that.

Damn, I'm late for Maths!

***

Snape

Great. An evening with Granger. Just like the good old days at Grimmauld Place. Her, me, and the books.

I don't suppose it ever occurred to her I might have a social life. That perky, blonde French teacher... what's her name... Giselle? Marie? She might have been about to invite me around to her place to see her... translations.

Sure, Sev. And flobberworms might fly.

At least fantasising about her breasts is considered fair game. Although they don't measure up to Granger's.

Pervert.

Mind you, an evening at the library could give us an excuse to check out some of the places in the school we can't access during the day. No-one patrols at night. The security around this place is appalling.

Oh, fuck. Here they come. Seth Sneyd's fan club. How I wish I could treat them to a dose of Severus Snape. They'd probably wet their bloody pants.

***

A/N: This story was written for the Severus Big Bang Birthday Bash on LiveJournal. Many thanks to karelia for the beta.