Chapter Twelve: Frustration Leads to Revelation

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Chapter Twelve: Frustration Leads to Revelation

Hermione

There he is, sitting and chatting with the French teacher as if nothing was amiss. How could he? Kisses me until my legs turn to jelly, admits he cares, and then runs away and avoids me like the wizarding plague. I haven't even had a chance to catch him after class; he disappears from the room so fast.

It's not like I haven't noticed him watching me when he thinks I'm unaware. He thinks he's so unreadable, but I know him much better now. I can see he's stressed, despite his brilliant portrayal of the cool, unshakeable Seth Sneyd. The fisted hands as he stands before his desk, the slight frown as he sits staring into space while we work, the forced smile. His suppressed arousal is as evident to me as if he had a bloody great bulge in his trousers. Maybe he has, but he keeps that area well hidden.

I just have to look at him, and I'm burning. His voice caresses me as his body avoids any physical contact. The fleeting moments when our eyes meet before he averts his gaze, reveal his desire and, oh, gods, the mutual awareness when he is close.

I can't stand it. I'm so bloody frustrated, and he must be as well.

Why, Snape?

For some baseless notion he's not worthy? I've a good mind to sneak into his cottage one night and shag him senseless, then see what he has to say. But I don't want him to just think I only want sex. It's more than that.

Dammit, I want all of him. Every skinny, pale, beautiful inch of his skin. Every twisted, sarcastic, brilliant part of his mind. And every tender, needy, passionate scrap of his dear heart.

Just as well I haven't come up with any more information relevant to our task. He would have to talk to me then.

Bloody wizards.

***

Snape

Must she sit there looking at me with such open want in her eyes? A man can only take so much. Merlin knows it takes all my willpower not to haul her into my office and take her right there on the desk. I'm surprised no-one has noticed my near constant erection.

We can't, Granger. We just can't. It's not right, and, for once in my miserable life, I want to do the right thing.

Our fingers brush as she hands in her homework, and she pulls away as if burned.

Yes, Granger, beware, for I fear my passion will ignite and consume us both. I don't know if I'm strong enough to withstand it.

She offered her body and her heart that night. Willingly, without reservation.

I still wonder why.

What am I to do with her?

What am I to do with myself?

***

"Hey, Harmony, what's up? Has Ewan been trying his stupid pick-up lines again? Don't pay him any heed; he just thinks he's cool because he's in the school production. Anyone would think he was some big-name actor, the way he carries on."

"What? Er... no, I haven't seen Ewan."

"Lee, can't you see she's pining over Mr Sneyd. They haven't had any of their after school study sessions for weeks, and he's avoiding her after class. Isn't he, Harmony? What happened?"

"Nothing. Just a little difference of opinion. And I'm not pining, Cathy. Pining would imply there was a relationship. He's a teacher. I'm a student. That's all there is to it."

"But you would like there to be more, wouldn't you? It's okay, Harmony, we are your friends. You don't have to pretend with us. We all like him, but you know us; we're all a bit daft. We don't really mean it. But we've seen the way you look at him. We've seen the way he looks at you. No-one here is going to judge either of you. Just tell us what we can do to help. Oh, don't cry, love. It can't be that bad."

"But... b-but... it is. You can't possibly understand. There are things you don't know about us – things I c-can't tell you. Any of you."

"Shh. You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. But you can trust us. Me and Lee and even Amelia. We won't breathe a word to anyone. Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Don't say that!"

"Why? It's just an expression."

"Not where I come from. Not where Seth comes from. Don't ever say that in front of him!"

"You knew him before?"

"No... yes... Dammit!"

"You did. But you can't say why."

"All I can say is we're here for a reason. I can't tell you any more than that, or it would cause a load of trouble. And you mustn't tell anyone. Not a soul. Either of you. Okay, you can tell Amelia, but she has to swear to secrecy."

"Tell me what? And why the secret squirrel stuff?"

"Harmony is about to tell us about her and Seth Sneyd. And how she knows him. But you mustn't tell anyone, or she will get into trouble. Okay, Amelia?"

"Sure. I'm in. My lips are sealed."

"Harmony isn't your real name, is it? And his isn't Seth Sneyd. And he isn't really a teacher."

"No, Lee. We're undercover. But he is a teacher. A damned good one. He's taught me since I was eleven. Don't ask where; I can't tell you."

"How old are you, Harmony? A seventeen-year-old wouldn't be doing what you're doing."

"I'm nineteen. And technically still his student, or will be when we finish here. That's the problem. Here, we are working as partners. Getting to know each other. Back home, it will be back to teacher and student. And you have no idea what he's really like."

"You said once he had a bit of a temper..."

"Well, I understated it. Among his other skills, he's a brilliant actor. If you'd known him as long as I have, you wouldn't fancy him at all. He's had a major makeover to get him looking the way he does now – usually his hair is long and greasy and flops over his face, and he wears clothes as old-fashioned and repressed as his demeanour.

"Most of his students are scared of him and avoid him whenever possible. His bitter sarcasm and antisocial behaviour have left him with few, if any friends, and certain other roles he's had to play until very recently, which I can't reveal, have meant he has lived under extreme duress for years.

"The Seth Sneyd you see here is as real as the glossy, retouched photos of the actresses in women's magazines. Hell, I've seen him smile more often in one lesson here than I had for the previous seven years!"

"So, Harmony, you're saying he's really this awful, unattractive man, and yet you still care for him. Why?"

"Because, Lee, who he was then was not the real Sev... Seth either. He was playing a role where he had to be seen to be like that, just as he is acting the charming music teacher here. I'm not sure who the real man is, but over the last two months I've discovered he's witty, incredibly intelligent, sensitive, and, yes, bloody sexy. He's still arrogant at times, snarky, and volatile, but I wouldn't have him any other way. I'm just so afraid he'll slip back into his previous persona out of habit, and I'll lose him again."

"But haven't you talked to him about it?"

"That's the problem. Before we came here, he spent the summer supervising me and two other students at the house where we were living. His mood was appalling, and I'm afraid I lost the plot a bit and told him what I thought of him. Several times.

"Since then, we've cycled between decent conversation, shouting matches, and sarcastic jibes, interspersed with varying degrees of flirtatious and downright vulgar suggestions. And he's just as bad. But we haven't really sat down and talked about the future. He's just decided a relationship is inappropriate and that's it. End of story. Since we kissed the other night, he's avoided me."

"You kissed Seth Sneyd? So, was he any good?"

"Bloody amazing. I really thought we were going to..."

"Oh my god! You were going to sleep with him! Be still, my beating heart. And he said no?"

"Unfortunately, Lee, his sense of honour is stronger than his libido. I wish mine was."

"No wonder he looks all hot under the collar in class nowadays. He probably wants to carry you off into his office and have his wicked way with you."

"I wish, Cathy. I wish."

"Er... Harmony. I was just wondering. You're not the average student you appear, are you?"

"Sorry, Amelia. Back at my old school I was known as the school swot. Top in my year – every year. Seth takes great pleasure in reminding me I was far worse than you'll ever be. I used to drive him mad when I was younger, waving my hand around and parroting answers from textbooks I'd memorised over the summer."

"You read the textbooks the summer before the year started? I kneel to you, Miss Queen of know-it-alls!"

"Bloody hell, Harmony. You have been holding out on us. You realise she could have been helping us with our homework, girls?"

"Oh, no, we're not going there. I spent six years running myself ragged trying to help my two best friends study. Never again!"

"Six years? I thought you'd known Seth for seven."

"Er... Circumstances meant I had to have a year off last year, which is why I still have another year to finish."

"You didn't have..."

"NO! I was not pregnant! I only wish it had been something as mundane as that... I wish..."

"Lee, go and find her a drink of hot chocolate. Whatever happened last year must have been really traumatic. Shh. Come on, Harmony, whatever it was, it's over now, isn't it?"

"Y-yes. But things happened. Bad things."

"Was Seth involved? Did he do something? Is this some kind of mixed up 'want the bad guy' sort of thing?"

"Seth Sneyd is no bad guy. He's the most heroic, self-sacrificing wiz... man I know. We all owe a great deal to him. Even you three, though hopefully you'll never know why."

"Wow. Sounds like you really have it bad. Here, drink this. Hot chocolate always helps."

"Thanks, Lee. Thanks, all of you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

***

Hermione

Now what do I do? I shouldn't have told them so much, but it just all spilled out. I was so frustrated with Snape's behaviour. I suppose I should be thankful I didn't whip out my wand and do a little magic demonstration while I was at it.

Mind you, I can just see the look on Snape's face if those three found out he was one of the most powerful wizards in Britain. No, Hermione, it's not worth the hell that would break loose if you violated the Statute of Secrecy.

Pity. At least he might talk to me.

***

"Hi! How was the village market?"

"Brilliant. You should have come. I'm sure it would have made you feel better."

"Maybe. I just didn't feel like it."

"Look what Amelia bought. Isn't it gorgeous?"

"It's just one of the cheap ones. There were some that were much more expensive. Special pendants that give you good luck with your love-life or some such nonsense. The salesman tried to tell us if we bought one and gave it to the boy we fancied, he would fall head over heels for us. What a load of rubbish. Still, they are pretty. Harmony, why are you looking at me that way?"

"Amelia, can you take it off so I can have a closer look, please?"

"Sure. Here. Look at the way it sparkles in the light. I love the shape. It looks like a symbol of some sort."

"Ansuz. How appropriate."

"Pardon?"

"Oh, nothing, Amelia. Yes, it's very pretty. So, what stall did you buy it from?"

"It was the small one in the north-western corner. He seems to sell plenty of the more expensive pendants as well as the cheaper ones, although I can't really see a difference. He says it's magic. Thinks he's a comedian, that one."

"Is he there every week?"

"No. Only about once a month. Do you want to buy one? He'll still be there for a while yet. You have time. Want me to go back with you?"

"Thanks, but it's okay. I'll just go and fetch my purse. Won't take me long to walk down there. You three ought to get some of your homework done. I did mine while you were away. See you soon!"

...

"Anyone want a drink? I'll grab one from the fridge."

"Amelia, come back here. Think about it. Wasn't that a bit strange? First, she didn't want to go down to the village, and now she suddenly has to go and buy a pendant."

"You don't think...?"

"I'm sure. I'll bet the first place she goes is Seth's cottage. Those pendants have something to do with the reason they are here. Let's follow them."

"Cathy! We promised not to ask any questions."

"Lee, we didn't say anything about finding stuff out for ourselves. Besides, they may need help."

"She'll kill us if she sees us."

"Then we'd better not be seen, had we? Come on, she's just left."

***

A/N: Ansuz is a rune signifying, amongst other things, a revealing message or insight. It can also represent good health, truth, wisdom, and harmony!

This was written for the Severus Big Bang Birthday Bash on LiveJournal.

Thanks to karelia for the beta.