Chapter Seventeen: When sinews give way

Chapter Seventeen: When sinews give way

18 – 19 April 1998

Robbie settled back in the rocking chair, and Severus pushed himself up to sit with his pillows against the headboard. The two wizards were silent as they listened to the conversation coming from the sitting room.

"I was surprised to receive your invitation, Minerva," Moody said. "It has been a busy time. He's planning something big, soon." There was a pause. "And usually Crouch is with you."

"It was not an invitation, Alastor," Minerva replied.

"No?"

"It was a summons. Can you imagine why I have summoned you?"

"You have a viper in your midst and you would like me to . . . eradicate it," Moody said, his voice gruff and hard.

"What I would like, Alastor," came Minerva's soft, even reply, "is for you to eradicate the viper that lies within you."

There was a slight scuffling sound, Moody's wooden leg, perhaps. "You want...you have surrounded yourself with those of dubious intent, to put it mildly, and you want me to..."

"To rid yourself of whatever it is that makes you like them, like the Death Eaters, like Riddle," Minerva said bluntly, "whatever it is that induces you to undermine our cause, the cause of the Order, Albus's Order. It will lead you to your end, if you do not; it may lead us all to our end."

"What are you on about?" Moody asked querulously.

"Last night. Tell me about last night."

"Gladly! They were after Scrimgeour's granddaughter and her family, out to kill them all, or to kidnap her to draw out Rufus from his security. We arrived just in time."

"Did you really?" Minerva asked coolly. "And how many of her family were killed? Was she kidnapped?"

"No, no, as I said, we arrived in time. The two Aurors on duty..."

"Ah, so her guard was killed, then," Minerva said.

"No, Stunned. But they could have been killed. The house was on fire. The bastards set the house on fire with the family inside."

"And was the family inside when you arrived?"

"No, they were in the garden, then the Anti-Apparition wards fell, and we got them out. The father was hysterical. He'd been under the Imperio."

"And what was he forced to do under Imperio?"

"It's an Unforgivable!" Moody roared.

"What was he forced to do?"

"Leave the house," Moody muttered.

"What was he forced to do?"

"He was forced to leave the house...but his son was inside!"

"And so the son is dead? Died in the fire?" Minerva asked, though her voice was hardly questioning.

"No," Moody said quietly. "They tried to kidnap him. But they didn't get him far. We found him a few hundred yards from the house. Obliviated."

"So this Death Eater went into the burning building, picked up a four year-old boy and then just dropped him and happened to Obliviate him?" Minerva asked. "What kind of Death Eater would do that? Tell me, Moody. Who was the Death Eater?"

There was a moment's silence, then Moody said, "You obviously know who the Death Eater was. He can't hide from this eye. I knew Snape as soon as I saw him."

"You knew him, yet you cast a curse at him?" Minerva said. "Why? And why that curse?"

"I saw the fire. I wanted him to burn, to know what the fire felt like. And to stop him, but he didn't stop," Moody replied.

"No, he didn't stop. What did he do?"

"He . . . he went back into the house."

"Before that, Alastor."

Silence.

"What did he do before he went back into the house?" Minerva repeated insistently.

"He disarmed me," Moody admitted.

"And then he did what? Hex you within an inch of your life?"

"No, he was in a hurry. He didn't take the time," Moody replied. "He needed to kidnap the boy."

"In a hurry to go into a burning house, with his own back aflame in pain? In a hurry to kidnap a boy at the risk of his own life, and then just leave him? Surely, even you cannot believe that?"

"He was there. You know what they do. You know what he has done. Once a Dark Wizard, always a Dark Wizard," he said. "You know what things he has done. Murder, torture, destruction."

"And what would you call what you did last night?"

"Justice! Justice delayed, but justice!"

"That was no justice! That was torture, that was cruelty, that was the act of a Death Eater! Inflicting such pain, and not merely to stop or to slow your opponent, but from some twisted sense of justice, or revenge!" Minerva said, her voice low and hard, biting anger in every word. "If Severus had not reentered that building, that little boy would have died. Then, to his dismay, he reached the child and discovered that although he had dropped the Death Eaters' Anti-Apparition wards to allow the family to escape, there were new ones, and he had to struggle through the smoke and flame to bring the boy to safety. Even after you hexed him, Alastor, Severus was intent on saving the child. Twenty years ago, he may have turned on you, and he may not have given a tinker's dam about the life of the child, but last night, it was you, Alastor, who cared more about revenge and causing pain than you did about the life of a child."

"He could have killed him, kidnapped him..."

"Alastor, you knew it was Severus. You know that he is in the Order. He is our spy, and you know that by necessity, he must sometimes behave as a Death Eater, but you ought to have trusted him in this instance. Your inability to think clearly has the potential to undermine the work of the Order, Alastor, and it could endanger our one reliable spy. Your nasty curse did have one positive effect, however," Minerva said, pausing.

"What was that?" Moody finally asked after the silence had lengthened uncomfortably.

"It was instrumental in convincing Riddle that Severus was merely incompetent, and that was the cause of the failure of the raid; it also gave Severus an excuse for being so late in returning to his side. He was severely punished, but his status is still intact...his status as a spy, at any rate."

"I see."

"Do you see? Do you?" Minerva asked. "Severus deliberately bungled the raid to allow the family to leave. He was on his way in to get the boy, to Apparate him out, when you cursed him. He was going to tell Riddle that he couldn't find him and the boy must have been rescued by the Aurors. He would have been delayed by mere moments instead of by several minutes if he had been able to do that. Instead, he had to carry the boy out, Oblivate him so that he could not say that a Death Eater saved him, and then, without being caught, suffering from smoke inhalation and burns to his hands as well as the painful damage to his back, Severus had to walk out past the wards you put up. That all took precious time, Alastor."

"I just thought . . . one less rat."

"You didn't think." Minerva sighed. "In my first flush of anger, I wanted to have you suffer as Severus suffered, though only for a minute, but that desire faded quickly. Alastor, we cannot become like those we fight. We must already make compromises. I have, myself. But I will not compromise my basic principles. Severus is not the only one who has changed. You have, too. Unfortunately, I cannot say that the change in you has been positive."

"We have to use whatever means necessary to stop them. You don't understand..."

"I do understand. And there is much that I would sacrifice, including my life, to defeat this little toe-rag, but taking satisfaction in the pain of others, that is not something that we can ever, ever allow ourselves. You cast a curse on Severus whose primary purpose was to cause pain, Alastor. What kind of wizard does that? And how do you think that Albus would feel if he were here now, knowing what you did?"

"Snape hasn't changed..."

"Whether he has or not is immaterial to me at the moment. We are talking about you. We were never close friends, Alastor, but I thought I knew you. I thought I knew a proud, strong, noble wizard who would always fight for the Light and who would never do such a thing. And Albus . . . you must know what you owed him. Do not forget his expectations of you simply because he no longer is here to lead the Order."

"I have never used Unforgivables," Alastor mumbled.

"I know you haven't, but I think you have forgotten what it is that makes a spell Dark, what makes a heart Dark," Minerva said gently. "If you are willing to be honest with yourself, I think that you can examine what Severus did that night and what you did, and you can see which of you behaved in the way that would have made Albus proud, which of you behaved as a fighter for the Light. Fortunately, I do believe in second chances. Even for stubborn old Aurors."

"I didn't know what Snape was doing."

"You didn't think, and you didn't trust. Trust that Albus would not have believed in Severus's allegiance for all these years if he did not have good reason. Albus was not infallible, but I know that in this, he was right."

"Sometimes . . . I see him, and I can only remember all that he did, or what he must have done, during the first war, before he . . . before he became a spy. And then what he must still do . . ."

"As you say, it is what he must do. He often has little choice. The terrible choice between evil and greater evil. You did not face that choice last night, Alastor," Minerva said softly. She paused, then said, "I would not inflict pain upon you just to show you the pain he experienced. And you know pain. But I do want to show you something."

There was more silence, some rustling, then the sound of something heavy being placed on the table.

"A Pensieve?"

"I want you to see a few of my memories, Alastor, and understand my horror at what you have done, what you have become. Just a few . . . snippets."

In the guest room, Severus began to sit up, his eyes wide with the realisation that Minerva intended to show Alastor some of her memories from the night before and early that morning.

Robbie raised his finger to his lips, then whispered, "Trust Minerva."

Severus stiffened, then nodded and leaned back against the pillows again.

---

A half hour later, Alastor Moody, chastened and sober, left the Headmistress's suite, and Minerva rapped lightly on the door to the guest room.

Severus cleared his throat and said, "Come in."

Minerva entered and smiled slightly at the two wizards. "I gave him something to think about, anyway. And I think that you are safe from a repeated performance, Severus."

"I wish you hadn't shown him . . ."

"I want you to see what memories I put in the Pensieve. It is likely not precisely what you believe it to be, and it might benefit you in a different way," Minerva said. "Robbie, would you fetch the Pensieve?"

When Robbie returned with it, he placed it on the bedside table, which Minerva had enlarged to accommodate the heavy, shallow bowl.

"I think you should view it, as well, Robbie," Minerva said. "Now or later, your preference."

Robbie raised an eyebrow, but nodded. "Now, I think. Shall we?" he asked Severus.

The two dipped into the Pensieve, Severus first, Robbie following, entering the memories that Minerva had placed in it for Alastor's edification.

Severus looked around, confused. He was in a wood at night, but it was none he recognised. He glanced back at Robbie behind him and blinked. Robbie seemed peculiarly indistinct. Some odd effect of this Pensieve, he thought, wondering where and when he was.

"An old memory, I believe," Robbie said softly in response to Severus's unasked question.

At that moment, a small form flashed by them, a cat. Minerva in her Tabby form. The two wizards followed, unencumbered by the phantom underbrush of the memory. They watched the cat stop and sniff, then proceed again, picking her way through the scrubby dead bracken. She seemed to pick up a scent and started forward more rapidly. She stopped in a small clearing, listening and sniffing the wind, then she walked carefully around a scraggly tree toward a large flat rock, which had been heaved up at an angle. She stopped again, looking intently beneath the rock, then she disappeared underneath it. A moment later, she reappeared and transformed into her ordinary form. Severus could see that Minerva must have been only in her early twenties at the time of these events.

The two wizards listened as Minerva spoke to someone beneath the rock, explaining why she was there, then watched as she helped Albus crawl out from beneath it. She had said he looked terrible, and he did. He seemed covered in blood, his forehead was split open on the left side, and the tremendous swelling around it prevented him from opening his left eye. It appeared from his movements and the deformation of his left shoulder that he had other injuries, as well. They watched as Minerva gently cleaned Albus, cut the coat from him, and treated the swelling around his shoulder, all the while explaining their situation and their options. There was little more that she could do for him, though, and after a slight shift in the memory, they watched as she transformed into her Animagus form and ran off into the night. There was a moment of disjuncture, and the memory shifted slightly again. Albus was standing by a tree; they could hear others approaching as Minerva cleaned the traces of blood around the rock, then grabbed up a log, held onto Albus, and the two Portkeyed away.

Another disjuncture, and this time, Severus found himself in a brightly lit ward at St. Mungo's. Minerva was approaching a bed on the far side of the room.

"Alastor!" Minerva smiled down at the boy in the bed.

Severus scarcely recognised him. The Auror's leg was gone, but his face was whole, both eyes, natural. He certainly didn't recognise the open, warm smile on the young wizard's face. Not a hint of malice or sarcasm to be seen.

"Minerva! They told me I had a visitor, but I didn't expect you." He sat up, pulling a pillow around behind him.

"I wanted to see you and bring you something." Minerva looked around, then pulled out a bottle of Old Ogden's and two small glasses. "Carson can't be with us, but I understand he wanted to share a firewhisky with you," she whispered, "so I brought some."

At the mention of Carson's name, young Alastor sobered and nodded. Minerva poured out two small shots of the firewhisky and handed one to Alastor.

"To Carson," Minerva said, raising her glass.

"To Carson...and to Professor Dumbledore," he said.

The two drank down the alcohol, both making a face at its potency, then laughing.

"If it weren't for Professor Dumbledore, I wouldn't be here," Alastor said softly. "And Carson, too. He could have taken the Portkey instead, but they both insisted I use it." He looked up, his dark eyes brimming with tears. "I owe them both my life."

"And they are both happy you survived, I am sure of that. Wherever Carson may be, he will be glad that you lived to keep fighting the good fight."

The memory shifted again, and Severus looked around. They were in the Headmaster's bedroom, the curtains drawn back to let in the sunlight. Dumbledore was lying propped up in bed, his breath rattling and wheezing in his chest. It must have been only a day or two before he died. Minerva stood and let someone into the room. Moody.

Albus's eyes opened, and he smiled slightly. "Alastor! So good . . . of you to come."

Minerva helped him sit up further and held a glass to his lips, and he sipped some water through a straw.

"I heard you were sick. Getting sicker," the old Auror said gruffly. "You've got us all worried."

"Oh, don't worry about me! Too late for any worry," Albus said. "Here, sit. Tell me how you are, how the work is, if you're still enjoying . . . being back in the saddle again."

"I'm well, as you see me," Alastor replied. "And we're holding up against them. We'll beat them yet. There are a lot of good young witches and wizards who aren't beguiled by the likes of him. We're still able to recruit some good ones. Of course . . . there are losses, too."

"There are always losses. We must make them meaningful or simply . . . quit," Albus said. He began to cough, and Alastor sprang up in surprise, but Minerva put her arm around him, held a handkerchief before his mouth, and whispered a spell to ease the spasm. When Albus settled back against the pillows again, Minerva poured out a small amount of a clear potion, but Albus waved her away. "Just a sherbet lemon, my dear." He quirked a smile. "For the little tickle in the back of my throat."

Minerva shook her head in disapproval, but gave him a sherbet lemon.

"Mm. Still tastes nice," he said. Albus looked over at Alastor. "Some things taste metallic now. Rather unpleasant. But back to you. Would you care for a sherbet lemon? No? You were saying about the young ones, Alastor . . . Set an example for them. Show them what a good, strong wizard really looks like, that the Death Eaters are not the strong ones. Set an example, my boy."

The memory seemed to shimmer, and now Severus saw himself, lying on the floor of the Headmistress's Office, his hair and clothing sodden, his Death Eater's mask protruding from one pocket of his robes. Minerva rushed to his side. He hadn't seen her expression at the time, but now he could see the distress in her face, the pain, as she asked what had happened to him. The memory shifted again, and Minerva was turning her face away as Poppy healed the wounded flesh on his back. Severus grimaced at the memory. Robbie had been right: it looked like a large acid burn. There was another shift, they were in the sitting room, and Severus listened as Minerva asked when he would be able to answer questions, and Poppy recited the injuries he had suffered, including the fact that he would have died had he been unable to Portkey away from the cold, wet wood to a place of safety.

The two wizards emerged from the Pensieve, Robbie returning to his seat in the rocker, and Severus falling back against the pillows and closing his eyes. Minerva had been sitting at the foot of the bed waiting, and now she rose and poured Severus some water, letting him hold the glass, but ready to take it from him when he was through. Severus watched as she replaced the glass on the table, thinking how very well she seemed to do everything, and how natural she made it seem. He never felt resentment when she did something for him; he felt gratitude wholly unmixed with any resentment, something he had once thought impossible. He had learned that when he was afflicted by the Adfectus, and it was a good lesson to remember, he thought as he watched Minerva use her wand to retrieve her memories from the Pensieve.

"So, what is the first thing that strikes you when you think of the memories I showed you?" Minerva asked, sitting again at the foot of the bed.

"That you were beautiful then and still are," Severus said softly, momentarily unaware of the other wizard's presence and forgetting himself.

Minerva blushed slightly and said, "Thank you, but other than that."

"Who was Carson?" he asked.

Minerva was taken aback by the question, having expected something different, but she answered him. "He was the other Auror with Albus that day. The three of them had been caught in an explosion, and all three were wounded. Carson's wounds were the worst. Albus had a Portkey with him, but it had been specifically designed to be able to transport only one person and to transport only Albus. Albus was badly injured, as you saw, the wand he had carried that day was broken, and his magical energy was very low. He was able to alter the Portkey to carry someone other than himself, and he and Carson both agreed to send Alastor. While Albus and Carson were awaiting help, Carson died. That . . . that log that I had . . . that was his Transfigured body. His corpse was restored and returned to his family." Minerva hesitated a moment, then added, "Carson was also a very good friend of mine. My first boyfriend, I suppose you might call him, although at the time he was killed, we were just good friends."

Severus nodded. "And Moody lost his leg then?"

Minerva nodded.

"He looked so different. Very . . . young. He was a boy," Severus said.

"He was. He was scarcely out of school, really," Minerva replied. "But he wanted to do his duty. I think that after that incident, he felt it even more keenly, as though he had to be twice the Auror in order to live up to some heightened expectations he had for himself."

"Thank you for not showing him everything from last night...this morning, I suppose it was," Severus said, remembering how she had helped clean him up and dress him in the fresh nightshirt while Poppy treated his injuries. "I thought . . . I thought you were going to show him everything."

"I assumed that what I showed him was sufficient without violating your privacy and your dignity. But it was important to me that he saw what he himself had done and learned something of what you had suffered." The corner of Minerva's mouth twitched a slight smile. "He did rather grimace when Poppy mentioned crushed testicles."

"That wasn't even what hurt the most. The burn was worse, and the pain in my head . . ."

"I think Melina said that was from the curse that reduced the volume of your cerebrospinal fluid. You were also very bruised," Minerva said.

"Thank you for your help," Severus said, addressing them both. "And for having me here. I overheard Poppy saying something about the Hospital Wing."

"This is much better. I wouldn't want you anywhere else right now," Minerva said briskly. "Now, I'm going down to dinner; you two men can eat up here. I'll be back later...don't forget that Melina will be returning and may arrive before I do. Robbie, in the meantime, take good care of Severus for me!"

When Minerva returned from dinner an hour later, she entered her suite to hear peculiar gulping sounds coming from the guest room. Puzzled and slightly alarmed, she pushed open the partially open door to find Severus gripping his sides, apparently grimacing in pain, but Robbie was only sitting holding an open book and smiling at the younger wizard.

"What's going on here?" Minerva asked, stepping into the room.

"Oh, Minerva, thank Merlin you're back," Severus gasped. "He's torturing me! Tell him to stop!"

Minerva suddenly realised that Severus was trying to keep from laughing...or perhaps trying to laugh; it was difficult to tell which way his efforts were being expended.

"So, what form is his torture taking?" Minerva asked, suppressing a grin.

"His reading...he is butchering the English language! No, the Scots accent! It's dreadful!" Severus exclaimed, but his eyes were brighter than Minerva had ever seen them, save when he had been afflicted by the Adfectus spell and all of his emotions were so much closer to the surface.

"I must protest," Robbie said. "I believe that I am adding some life to the text, some flavour! I have modelled the accent on your very own, Minerva, and I believe it to be quite fine."

"Are you reading him Rob Roy?" Minerva asked, ignoring Robbie's evaluation of his Scottish burr.

"Yes, we skipped over the first couple chapters, but then we fell asleep somewhere in the fifth chapter this morning, so we still are not very far into it. You are welcome to join us," Robbie said.

"I think not. I will leave you boys to it...though perhaps I might recommend choosing a book that will provide a change in tortures for your bed-bound audience?"

"I don't know, I'm becoming interested in it now," Severus said. "But I don't think it's supposed to be this painfully humorous."

"Whatever you like. I'm going down to my office now. Melina will be here shortly, so your entertainment will of necessity come to an end for the evening...don't tire him too much, Robbie!"

"Of course, Minerva," Robbie said. "Your wish is my command!"

"As it should be!" Minerva said with a slight grin. "I will see you both later."

Twenty minutes later, Minerva was back again; this time when she looked in, Robbie was reading some student essays and Severus was dozing. Robbie looked up and smiled at her. Minerva returned his smile, but crossed over to Severus.

"Severus! Severus!" she said lightly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Severus took a sharp breath and opened his eyes. "Is Melina here?" he asked. He didn't want to admit it, but he still felt as though someone had put him through a wringer, and he was not unhappy about the visit from the Healer. Perhaps she could cast another spell or two and all his residual aches would disappear.

"No, you have a visitor," Minerva replied. "It's Miss Granger. She's waiting in the sitting room. May I show her in? She is worried about you."

Severus's first reaction was to say "no," but he didn't immediately. There was a part of him that wanted to see Hermione, though even that part of him didn't want her to see him dressed in one of Albus's old red, white, and gold striped nightshirts, lying like an invalid in bed.

"What shall I tell her?" Minerva asked. "I can tell her that you're resting. I am sure she would understand."

Severus shook his head and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Could you give me the dressing gown?" When Minerva handed him the dark red dressing gown and began to help him into it, he said, "I don't particularly want her to see me, but if I don't . . . she may worry."

"She probably would, but you needn't see her," Minerva said softly.

"No, I will."

"Melina will be here soon, anyway, so it will need to be a brief visit." She turned to Robbie. "Why don't you join me in the sitting room...I have a few things I need to discuss with you."

Robbie inclined his head in agreement and stood. Severus didn't have to wait long after their departure for a knock on the door.

"Come in," he called out, glad that most of his hoarseness had disappeared.

The door opened just a crack and Hermione looked in. On seeing him sitting up in the bed in the small guest room, she smiled and entered.

"Good evening, Miss Granger," Severus said.

"Hello, Professor." Hermione stepped toward the bed. "Professor McGonagall said you had been hurt. How are you feeling?"

"Much better," Severus replied. "Would you like to have a seat?" He gestured toward the rocking chair that Robbie had vacated.

Hermione smiled and walked around the bed to sit in the chair to his right.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hermione asked. "Professor McGonagall didn't really tell me anything."

"I do not particularly wish to talk about it, but for your information . . . I was on a raid for the Dark Lord and there were a few complications, then he was displeased with my apparent incompetence, and so . . ." Severus shrugged one shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Hermione said softly.

Severus nodded. It felt awkward to just sit there, so he asked, "Did you have any Order business you wished to discuss with me?"

"No, but I was worried when you weren't at any meals today."

"I will be well soon enough," Severus replied.

"You still don't look very well," Hermione said frankly. "You must have been very badly injured."

Severus didn't know what to say to that. It was difficult enough to know how to react to her honest concern; he had an urge to scoff at her and her worries, but he did not.

"I had a Portkey. It brought me to safety," Severus said.

"I'm glad," Hermione replied.

Severus was acutely aware of the genuine concern in her eyes. He was beginning to think that it had been a bad idea to agree to see her. He did not need her sympathy or concern, and he had no idea what to say to her.

"Do you need anything?" Hermione asked.

"No, thank you. The Headmistress is supplying me with what I require." He looked down at the dressing gown. "In Gryffindor colours, but nonetheless . . ."

Hermione giggled shortly. "It doesn't look bad, though, honestly. I am glad you're up here and not all alone."

"It has been comfortable," Severus admitted, "and better than being in the Hospital Wing."

"Could I visit you again?"

"I will not be here long. I will teach again on Tuesday, I believe," Severus responded, "but if you like, yes, you may visit me tomorrow."

Hermione smiled brightly. "We could take a brain holiday together!"

Severus returned her smile. "Yes, we could." Remembering their conversation of the previous week, he said, "My name is Severus, and I take brain holidays...care to come along?"

Hermione laughed. "Hello, Severus. Yes, I would, as long as they don't require peculiar potions."

"Only whatever the Healer recommends for me," Severus said, feigning seriousness. "I will not insist you partake."

There was a light knock on the partially open door, and Minerva stepped through as Hermione was laughing.

"Melina has arrived, Severus. I am afraid we must cut your visit short, Miss Granger," Minerva said.

"That's all right," Hermione replied. She turned back to Severus. "Thank you for seeing me. I hope you feel better. Till tomorrow?"

Severus nodded shortly. "Tomorrow."

After Hermione had left, Minerva asked, "Tomorrow, Severus?"

"She wished to visit again, and I thought it might provide some relief from your friend's idea of entertainment," Severus said drily.

Minerva smiled at that. "I am sure that he would be pleased to read to you from Potions Quarterly instead."

"Mmph."

"Are you ready to see Melina?"

"There is little to do to prepare to see her," Severus replied impatiently.

Minerva called Melina in, then left.

"I showed Hermione down to your office," Robbie said, entering the sitting room just as Minerva returned, herself. "She seemed to have enjoyed her brief visit."

"I believe that Severus did, as well," Minerva said. "He apparently invited her to come visit him tomorrow."

"He did?" Robbie asked.

"Yes. Apparently to provide him relief from your entertainment," Minerva said. She paused, then added, "Before I went in, I thought I heard her call him by his first name."

"Really?" Robbie's brow furrowed. "That doesn't sound like anything that Severus would stand for, even from Hermione."

"He always addresses her by her first name now...except, I presume, in class."

"Well, you did want him to have a friend," Robbie pointed out, "and you encouraged her to see him as one."

"I know, but now . . . I know I try to remain positive about his future, but there is every chance that he won't survive, despite our efforts."

"Unless Tom actually uses the Killing Curse on him, I have hope that he will survive. We will do what we can to ensure that Severus does not face him alone."

Minerva shook her head. "There may be no choice for us."

"We shall see," Robbie replied. "We must simply be prepared to act quickly."

Several minutes later, Melina stuck her head out and called to the two of them. When they came in, she said, "As I told Professor Snape, he should make a complete recovery, but he will need to get sufficient rest over the next few days. It's particularly important that he remain well-hydrated. I have written down which of the potions he should continue to take, and he should have the salve applied to his back three times daily for the next couple days. I noted that he hasn't had it done again since this noon when Poppy did it, so I will apply it before I leave. Don't neglect that, though. Not only will it help with the residual discomfort, but it will eliminate any chance for scarring."

"As though I care about a little scarring," Severus said with a sneer, his arms crossed. He looked up at Melina. "You could scarcely have missed the scars already there."

"Well, it isn't a treatment that I would recommend," Melina replied good-humouredly, "but the curse actually did so much damage to your back that any old scars in that area were destroyed. Once the new skin is entirely regenerated, your lower back will be as smooth and beautiful as can be. You should be careful not to expose it to sunlight for several weeks, though."

Severus snorted. "Do I look like a sunbather to you?"

Melina just laughed. "Still, Professor, you must allow Poppy to apply the salve regularly...by Tuesday, you will only need it done morning and evening, so it shouldn't interfere with your teaching day."

Severus just grunted at her.

Minerva and Robbie left her alone with Severus so she could put the salve on his back.

When Melina returned to the sitting room, Minerva said to her, "He certainly went from a good mood to a bad one very quickly. When you arrived, he seemed, not cheerful...I don't know as he's ever cheerful...but he seemed fairly relaxed."

"He didn't like my physical examination, but there are certain areas of the anatomy that do require palpation to ensure there is no unusual discomfort and that he is healing properly. He took exception to that," Melina replied.

"I sympathise," Robbie said, wrinkling his nose.

"Is he? Healing properly?" Minerva asked.

"Very well. I think he'll likely still be in discomfort in that area for another day or two, but Poppy did a good job with the initial treatment, and the repairs I made took well. I was a little concerned about the level of his cerebrospinal fluid, so I gave him another dose of potion. The curse seems to be having a lingering effect," Melina said.

"He's complained of headache," Minerva remarked.

"That would be at least part of the reason for it. I massaged his head, neck, and shoulders when I applied the salve. He didn't say anything, but I am fairly sure he felt better after. I am going to stop by and see Poppy and leave her with some instructions to follow. If she keeps an eye on him, applies the salve regularly, and sees to it that he takes his potions, he should recover very well...provided he cooperates."

"He's been fairly cooperative, but I think he's felt too unwell for most of the day to put up a fuss," Minerva said.

"You will need to be firm with him as he begins to feel better, then. I would almost recommend that he remain here through Monday, but I know he wants to return to his own rooms."

"We will see," Robbie said. "Thank you for your help, Melina."

"You will be receiving an accounting...not for my time, only for a few of the potions, and at my cost," Melina said. "A few are rather pricey because of the ingredients. I assume you want the bill personally, and not have it charged to Hogwarts."

"Yes," Minerva said. "Just send it to me. I will take care of it."

After Melina left, Robbie said, "Perhaps I should look in on Severus, see if he needs to make a trip to the loo or anything else."

"In a minute. I need you at the moment," Minerva said looking up into his eyes.

"Do you?" Robbie's question was soft, a mere breath.

"Yes, I do." She slid closer to him on the sofa as she reached up and put one hand on the back of his head. As she drew him down to her, she whispered, "I do, very much."

Her kiss was long and languid, and as one arm embraced him, her other hand was unbuttoning first one layer of his robes then the second, permitting her to touch his chest and run her hand down over his torso. Robbie drew back, breaking the kiss. He looked at her and shook his head slightly.

"Severus is in the next room," he said softly.

"I don't want to ravage you right here on the sofa," Minerva said. "Well, perhaps I do, but not at the moment." Her hand caressed him beneath his robes, passing over his chest and side, down to his hip and back up again.

"This is nice," Robbie said with a smile. "It has been a while since we have had time to ourselves. I had thought that this weekend, we could go to those old rooms in the Tower again, make a little holiday away from the world for a while. With Severus here, of course . . . we cannot do that."

"That would have been nice, but I don't think we should any longer. There is too much happening. I don't want us both out of contact with everyone for that long."

Robbie nodded. "You are right, of course." He kissed her forehead then took her hand and kissed each fingertip softly. "I am glad you are more comfortable now than you were."

"It isn't the same as it was, but it is still good." Minerva caressed his face as she looked up into his eyes. "You should have pushed me harder. You should have persuaded me sooner."

"You were in pain, my love, and had so many burdens to bear. I did not wish to make it harder for you. I felt it would be selfish of me."

"I love you."

"And I, you," Robbie whispered as her lips approached his again.

---

The next morning, Minerva rose and dressed, then looked in on Severus. He was sitting up and paging through a magazine that Robbie had brought him the day before.

"Good morning, Severus. How do you feel?" Minerva thought he looked dreadful.

"Like Thestral crap. I didn't sleep well. I woke at four and I took some analgesic potion, but couldn't fall back to sleep. Then I had to use the loo, and I fell over on the way back. Five feet from the door to the bed, and I fell over," he said bitterly.

She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I am sorry. You should have called, rung the bell we left you. Robbie would have helped you."

Severus flung the magazine across the room. "I don't want his help, or yours, or anyone's."

"I know you don't want it, but I hope you will continue to accept it," Minerva said softly.

"I want to go back to my own rooms."

"Tomorrow morning, Severus."

"The Hospital Wing, then."

Minerva looked at his hand trembling atop the white counterpane. She closed her eyes a moment, and when she opened them, she laid her own hand on his.

"I thought you were comfortable here."

She had expected him to pull his hand away from her light touch, but he didn't; he merely looked away.

"What is it, Severus? We have been through a lot together, you and I. You can talk to me."

He shook his head slightly, then sighed. "I don't know what it is. It is so many things. So many . . . You have been good to me. I would say you have been kind, but so many are kind in such a condescending way. I don't feel that with you. But I still . . . I do not know why, Minerva, but I do not want you to give me anything or do anything for me. And I cannot even say why."

"Do you dislike it so much? Do you resent it?"

"No, no, that's not it at all," Severus said. "In fact, I don't. That's why I don't understand . . . but I don't resent it."

"Do you think that I do?"

Severus was silent for a moment. "Perhaps. Perhaps that is a part of it. If you do not now, I do not want you to later. You have already done so much. And I know how I have hurt you, many times, and not the least when I told you of the Vow. The consequences of that..."

"Shush, Severus, shush. We will not speak of that again. When everything is over, we can, but not until then. For you, I want you to forget it for a while. You have so much responsibility now, and you need to focus on that. You made up for taking the Vow by telling me about it. It was painful, but it was the right thing to do."

Severus raised his eyes and looked at Minerva. "How can you say that?"

"We live and we have much to accomplish, Severus. We will talk about all of that when the little toe-rag has been dealt with."

"I should still leave you to your privacy," he said.

"I would prefer you to stay," Minerva said. "I wouldn't say that if it weren't true."

"And Crouch?"

"This is my suite and you are my guest. How he feels is not relevant. Nonetheless, I know that he is happy to have you here, as well." When Severus didn't respond, she said, "He saw what was done to you, Severus. Whatever his feelings may have been in the past, he is glad you are recovering here. I think that he enjoyed your company yesterday."

"I don't know . . ."

"Hermione is looking forward to visiting you today. She would be disappointed if she couldn't."

Severus moved his head in a noncommittal way.

"I have a suggestion. Let me apply your potion to your back, we'll give you whatever other potions you are to take this morning...Melina left some instructions with them...and then you have your breakfast. After that, take a little nap, and if you still want to leave when you wake up, we'll move you down to the infirmary then. Otherwise, I hope you will stay until tomorrow morning at least."

Severus agreed, seeming to be relieved. He lay down, rolled over, and let Minerva fold the covers down over his legs then raise his nightshirt to expose his lower back. The skin was glistening and pink, a far cry from the horrid mess it had been only a little more than a day before.

"How does it feel?" Minerva asked as she gently applied the shiny white salve to his back, using her fingertips and small circular motions as the instructions indicated.

"Sore, but much better. As the potions wear off, it begins to burn some again, from the inside out. Not the way it did, though. The salve relieves it immediately."

"Good. I'm glad that it feels better. By the end of the week, you probably won't even notice it," Minerva said as she finished applying the potion and pulled his nightshirt back down.

Severus rolled over and sat up. "Thank you."

"Now potions, breakfast, and a nap."

"I would like to shave, too. Do you think I can shower today?"

"I don't know. I'll ask Poppy when she comes up. Hopefully she'll be able to check you over without disturbing you, and you'll be able to sleep right through it."

"As long as she doesn't start poking me the way your niece did last night," Severus grumbled.

Minerva smiled. "I doubt it. But don't think about that. Just take your potions and enjoy your breakfast."

---

Severus opened his eyes in the dimly lit room. He blinked. Minerva was leaning over him, saying his name.

"Severus, I am sorry to wake you, but it is after noon already. Time for more potions, and you should have something to eat, as well."

"I slept all that time?" he asked groggily.

"Apparently!" Minerva said with a smile as she drew back the curtains with her wand as she perused the instructions Melina had left. "Just two potions now, and then later this afternoon, you need the salve applied to your back again, then once more before you sleep tonight."

Severus sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He waited a moment, then stood.

When Minerva made a move to help him, he shook his head. "I'm fine."

He made it to the loo and back without falling over, and Minerva smiled. "You're doing well."

"Sleep helped," he said curtly.

Minerva conjured a small table, and Severus sat up in the bedroom's straight chair to eat his lunch. She kept him company as he ate, reading a sheaf of parchments and making notes in the margins. When he finished, she banished the dishes for him.

"I have to leave the suite this afternoon. I won't be back until after dinner. Robbie will be here some of the time, but if he must leave as well, he will make sure there is someone here with you."

"Miss Granger..."

"I left her a note in my office letting her know she could come up to the suite. Whoever is with you will let her in," Minerva said. "Now, would you like to sit up for a while, or go back to bed?"

Minerva left him sitting in the rocking chair reading Transfiguration Quarterly. She promised to bring him something more interesting when she returned.

Robbie came in about a half hour later. "More Rob Roy? Or are you up for a game of chess?"

"Neither," Severus said, turning the page he was reading.

"Interesting article?"

"Animagus theory. Something about internal Transfiguration. Never heard of it before," Severus said shortly.

"I doubt it is a normal part of the Hogwarts curriculum, as it is rather specialised," Robbie replied.

Severus looked up at him. "You know about it?"

Robbie shrugged. "I have sufficient training in Transfiguration to be acquainted with the concept. In addition, I know several Animagi."

"Hmmph." Severus turned back to his article.

Robbie stood uncertainly in the doorway for a minute, then said, "Let me know if you need anything, Professor. I am just in the sitting room."

"Mm-hm."

The door closed quietly behind the older wizard. Severus sighed and put down the journal. Some company would have been welcome, and he hadn't been concentrating very well on his reading, but he didn't want to play chess or listen to Crouch's rendition of Sir Walter Scott's novel. He no longer felt distaste for the older Potions master, but he had no idea what they could find to talk about.

Severus glanced at the window, trying to judge the time. Perhaps since it was Sunday, Hermione would come to visit in the afternoon rather than in the evening. It was odd, he thought, that he had come to enjoy her company. In some ways, she was still so very young, and really relatively innocent, despite her experience and her knowledge. Yet she was a witch with potential. MacAirt had noticed her potential and offered her Animagus training. He stifled his jealousy, admitting it this time, but reasoning that it would certainly be foolish to think that he could teach her all she wished to learn. What he really envied MacAirt, he supposed, was the time that Hermione shared with him. But that was unreasonable, as well. Hermione actually sought out his company and enjoyed spending time with him. That was more than most people did. Of course, he wouldn't want to spend time with most people.

Severus stood from his chair and stretched. He was feeling better, though not yet normal. He drew back the covers and settled down on the bed, only pulling a light coverlet up over his feet and lower legs. He was growing drowsy again when the door opened.

"Professor Snape?" It was Robbie again. "I must go out now. My brother has arrived. He said he was happy to stay with you, but if you are uncomfortable with that, I will see if Poppy..."

"That's fine," Snape interrupted. "I doubt he'll kill me in my sleep." At the expression on Crouch's face, he added, "It really is fine. I don't think I will need anything."

"If you are sure . . ."

"Yes."

Severus expected to spend the rest of the afternoon undisturbed, but a half hour later, he was in the loo and he heard a knock and then the door to the guest room opening. Probably McGonagall had been given instruction to check on him periodically. He washed his hands slowly, hoping that when he emerged, the man would be gone. When he opened the door, though, McGonagall was there, standing just inside the room, dressed in his kilt, white Jacobite shirt, and short Graphornhide boots.

"Robbie said you were reading some Transfiguration journal. I thought you might prefer one of these," he said, holding out a few journals.

Severus walked back to the bed, trying not to shuffle. He nodded at the younger wizard. "You can put them down. I'll look at them."

"Two Arithmancy journals...don't know if that interests you...and the most recent Modern European Potions."

"That's a rather advanced journal for an Arithmancer to be reading," Severus remarked, picking up the Potions journal from where Gareth had placed it at the foot of the bed. He settled back against the headboard and flipped it open to the table of contents.

Gareth wandered over to look at the potions lined up on the bedside table. "I lived with a Potions master for years, studied with him, helped out in the apothecary. Then Uncle Murdoch is a Potions master, too, and Melina and my grandmother are both Healers. If I hadn't chosen Arithmancy, perhaps Potions . . . but that would have been difficult without a NEWT."

"You took your NEWTs independently?"

Gareth nodded. "I did my OWLs the same way. Received an Outstanding in my Potions OWL. But as you know, in order to attempt a NEWT as an independent student, you require the permission of the Hogwarts instructor in that subject."

"And I was the instructor, and you did not want my permission."

Gareth shrugged. "It didn't really matter, anyway. I still received nine NEWTs, and I did my Arithmancy apprenticeship with an old master in Oxford who didn't care about anything but how well I did in Arithmancy and Ancient Runes."

"Did you enjoy it?" Severus asked. Most apprentices didn't enjoy most aspects of their apprenticeship, but a good master could still be exciting to study under. Severus had apprenticed with a Death Eater. He hadn't enjoyed it.

"Yes, actually, I did." Gareth picked up one of the potion bottles and uncorked it. He waved his hand over it, wafting its scent toward him. His brow knit, he sniffed it directly. "I don't know this one. Is it safe to taste?"

Severus nodded shortly and watched as Gareth poured out a drop of the thick, brown potion, sniffed it again, then stuck out his tongue and tasted it.

"Interesting. Some kind of antispasmodic. Mustard in it, ginger, a little willow, some marshmallow root, fenugreek, and juniper. I think a few other things that I don't recognise. Probably takes at least a day's brewing."

Severus raised an eyebrow. It was a potion of his own devising, intended to counter the effects of the Cruciatus. "Not bad. You are not a dunderhead."

Gareth grinned. "That is one thing I am never accused of being."

"There's also armadillo bile in it and crushed scarab beetles," Severus said.

"Have you considered adding pulverised Ashwinder eggshells halfway through the brewing?"

Severus paused, thinking. "I will try that and let you know whether it increases its potency."

Gareth nodded, examining the other potions. He seemed familiar with them all. He picked up the tin of salve and popped the lid off. He saw the brilliant white potion and began to replace the lid, then paused and looked at Severus.

"Aunt Minerva told me about your back. I was sorry to hear it, believe me or not."

Severus nodded once, acknowledging McGonagall's statement. He didn't know why the wizard was still there, unless he was simply bored. He'd probably been told to babysit the Death Eater. At least he hadn't been offensive.

As Severus scanned the table of contents in the Potions journal, Gareth picked up the parchment with the instructions Melina had left.

"Did Robbie apply this potion before he left?" Gareth asked, holding up the tin.

Severus looked up briefly, shook his head, and paged through the journal to find the article on the uses of Erumpent horn.

"It says here you're supposed to have it applied in the afternoon."

Severus nodded. The author of the article had developed a new cardiac elixir using Erumpent horn. Severus thought that with a few minor changes, the potion could be quite a potent poison. Definitely not a potion for a dunderhead to brew.

"Would you like me to apply it for you?"

Snape looked up. "What?"

"Would you like me to apply the potion for you?" McGonagall said impatiently.

"No." He turned back to the article.

"I'll get Poppy, then. I'll just be a few minutes." The younger wizard hesitated. "You'll be all right for a few minutes?"

"I would be, but there is no need to fetch the matron. I am sure that she will be up later, or Minerva will be. One of them can do it later."

"It's already gone three, though. You need to have it applied now, not later," the wizard persisted.

"I don't need it now," Severus said without looking up.

"It will take just a minute. Roll over on your stomach and I'll do it. It must be hurting again by now."

Severus frowned. It was beginning to burn. He lowered the journal and looked up at young McGonagall. "You will persist, won't you?"

"Yep!" Gareth grinned. "I am most annoying that way. Not a dunderhead, but a hardhead, sometimes."

"Mmm." Severus put the journal down on the bed next to him then turned and lay on his stomach. "It's just the lower part of the back."

He felt Gareth move a sheet to cover his legs, then lift the nightshirt and tug it up, but gently.

"This must be one of Uncle Albus's nightshirts," Gareth remarked. "It is too big on you. And the colours are something he would have worn."

"I think it was," Severus said.

"I didn't realise how big the burn was," Gareth said softly as he pulled the garment up higher so that he could see the entire burn. "It's over the entire lower half of your back."

"I am aware of that."

"Sorry."

Severus felt the salve being smoothed over his skin in the same gentle circular movements that Minerva had used that morning. Gareth seemed to apply it more slowly, though, and Severus could feel the tingle of magic as he rubbed it into the skin.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked, raising himself slightly on one elbow and looking back at Gareth.

"Nothing. Applying the potion," came the bewildered response.

"I thought I felt a spell."

"Oh, that. Intent. Intent matters. Potions are magic, too...as I do not need to tell you. Melina always says that when applying a salve or other external potion, one should form a healing intent."

"Mmph." Severus settled back down. That was true, and he had noticed a similar sensation when O'Donald had applied the potion the night before. It hadn't been as evident when Poppy applied it, and he had noticed nothing when Minerva had. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"I think so," Gareth said softly, dipping his fingers back into the tin, then resuming the slow, soothing circular motion of his fingertips over Severus's back. "It looks better as I do it."

"You don't want to scar me for life?" Severus asked sarcastically.

"No. You already are," Gareth replied sombrely.

When Gareth finished, Severus was surprised to feel his hands, both of them, reach up under the nightshirt.

"What are you doing!?"

"Just thought you might appreciate a massage. But if not . . ." Gareth withdrew his hands. "I apologise. That was rude of me."

"As long as you aren't trying to throttle me, I suppose," Severus said grudgingly, but he rolled over. "I will inform your aunt that you did an adequate job."

Gareth nodded. He seemed subdued as he replaced the lid on the tin and stood.

"You probably want to be left alone."

Severus shrugged. "If you do not prattle, you may stay."

Gareth scowled at him. "You don't have to say it as though you were doing me a favour."

"You do not need to behave as though you actually want to stay," Severus retorted.

"I have spent most of the last fifteen months alone on an island with my mother. I love my mother, but . . . she has become a bit peculiar. Aside from her oddities, I am in fear of becoming just as peculiar, living out there in isolation. It shouldn't be terribly strange to you that I might actually prefer your company to further solitude."

"Even the pet Death Eater's company?" Severus asked sarcastically, unsure why he was feeling so surly, but the wizard disturbed him...more now than when he had been angry and vitriolic.

Gareth seemed to bite his lip. He nodded curtly and turned to leave.

"If you can bear my company, I can bear yours," Severus said impulsively.

"We can have a competition, then," Gareth said, turning and quirking a smile. "Which of us becomes intolerable first."

"Or intolerant first," Severus countered.

Gareth laughed, picked up Arithmancy Today, and settled down in the rocking chair to read.

---

Note: The first events viewed in the Pensieve are described in Chapters XIX - XXIII of Resolving a Misunderstanding, if you would care to refresh your memories!