Chapter Nine: Though they be mad and dead as nails

Note: AU. Not DH-compliant.

Chapter Nine: Though they be mad and dead as nails

Late February – late March 1998

Severus once again sat across from Minerva in the Headmistress's gloomy sitting room, Crouch sitting off in the corner. He didn't remember it being so dark and dreary when the Headmaster was alive, and although Minerva's mood seemed somewhat lighter recently, she still kept the draperies closed and only a few lamps lit in that room. Perhaps it was only for their meetings, though he didn't think so.

"She wants to go into the Chamber of Secrets?" Minerva asked with a frown. "As Headmistress, I can hardly approve, and yet . . . I suppose I must. You do think it necessary?"

"I do. We will not know whether it will be a fruitful trip until afterward, but I do think that it is important. And I told Miss Granger that I would accompany her." Severus waited for a cautionary word from Minerva, or for her to question the wisdom of his decision to go with Hermione.

Minerva did not react to that pronouncement, focussing on the purpose of the expedition. "Do you believe that you will find the diadem there, then?"

Severus shrugged. "I do not know, but it seems as likely as anywhere, and more likely than most places, if it is, indeed, here at Hogwarts. He could not very well have left it somewhere it would have been easily found."

Crouch's voice came from the far corner of the room. "I do not believe the diadem to be in the Chamber of Secrets, but it is a worthwhile undertaking, nonetheless. Retrieving the basilisk fangs will provide another method of destroying a Horcrux, presumably."

Severus and Minerva each turned slightly in their chairs.

"And what would you know of it?" Severus asked.

Crouch just shrugged slightly.

"Very well, if you believe it is safe for you to do so, accompany Miss Granger," Minerva said. "I would feel more comfortable about it if you were with her. Provided, of course, that she is able to open the entrance. If not, I suppose it is moot. Please tell me before you go, Severus, and report to me when you get back. I will wait in my office for you."

Severus nodded.

"Thank you, Severus."

Seeing this as a dismissal, he rose and left the room. Pausing outside the door, he heard Crouch speak.

"They will do well together, Minerva. Do not fret about Hermione. And Severus will be fine, too. She will be in safe hands with him, and he with her."

"I know. I just question the overall wisdom . . ." Minerva sighed. "We do not know what the end will bring."

"We never know what the end will bring, but perhaps for him, finally, some happiness."

"I wonder if he is right, though. Perhaps it is not his lot in life."

"You need some rest; you are never one to believe such a thing. Come here."

Severus heard Minerva get up, and he quietly left, slipping down the stairs to Minerva's office, then hurrying down her moving staircase to the gargoyle. It wouldn't do for Minerva to know that he had been eavesdropping. Still, it was interesting...unless they had known that he was still outside the door and had spoken for his benefit.

He would see Hermione that evening in the Headmistress's Library and find out whether she had learned to say "open up" in Parseltongue, and he would tell her then that he would accompany her with the Headmistress's blessing. Hermione would appreciate having McGonagall's approval. His thoughts returned to Crouch's words, that she would be safe with him and he with her. The feelings those words evoked in him puzzled Severus. He resented Crouch and his role, and he even resented his approval, and yet, Crouch's words gave him a peculiar satisfaction, as well. Hermione's smiling face flitted through his mind, and his sense of satisfaction grew. He dismissed the feeling and the image, and proceeded to the Great Hall for dinner.

When Hermione reached the Headmistress's Office after dinner, Professor McGonagall was at her desk and Professor Crouch was coming down the brass stairs at the back of the office, stairs that Hermione believed led to the Headmistress's suite.

"Good evening, Professor McGonagall, Professor Crouch," Hermione greeted them.

McGonagall nodded. "Good evening, Miss Granger. Here for a meeting?"

"Yes, ma'am." Hermione looked reflexively behind her at the door. "I think Professor Snape should be here soon."

"He is working well with you, I presume," McGonagall said.

"Yes, very," Hermione replied. She felt some heat rise in her face, though she couldn't say why.

"I am glad. And I do believe that it is helpful to him to work with you. Much of his work is highly unpleasant, as you must be aware," Minerva said, looking carefully at Hermione. "It is a relief, no doubt, to be able to do something more . . . positive in service to the Order, and with such a pleasant young lady."

Hermione felt her blush grow. "I hope that our work is useful in defeating Voldemort."

"Miss Granger . . ." McGonagall hesitated. "Miss Granger, it is not my place to say this, neither as Headmistress, nor in my role within the Order, but . . . you have the ability, I believe, to be a friend to Professor Snape. An unusual friend, perhaps, and it would be an unconventional friendship...particularly when considering that this is Professor Snape of whom we speak...but as you may also surmise, he has few whom he can consider a friend. If you were to become a friend to him, it would be a difficult friendship, more so for you than for him, but I believe that he would benefit from it, and I do not think that you would find it entirely without satisfaction. Just something for you to consider, Miss Granger." Minerva looked back at where Crouch was standing. "I have a meeting with Professor Crouch now. You may await Professor Snape in the library."

Hermione crossed the office to the library door, then she turned. "Professor McGonagall? Are you going to say the same thing to Professor Snape?"

"No, Hermione. I have no intention to speak with him on this topic at all...nor with you about it in the future. Oh, but if you have the Sorting Hat, you may leave it with me."

Hermione hesitated. "If it's all right with you, I would prefer to return it to Professor Snape. He gave it to me, and . . . I think he would appreciate having it returned to him."

McGonagall quirked a brief smile. "Very well. Good night, Miss Granger."

---

"No, Hermione, I cannot allow that," Severus said insistently.

They had made it to the Chamber of Secrets and back after spending over an hour in fruitless search for the diadem. As they returned to the main part of the castle, they discussed where to keep the basilisk fangs until they could be removed from Hogwarts. Hermione immediately suggested the Room of Requirement.

"That's where students leave things that they don't want found. I think they usually must forget about them, since the room that the Room of Requirement provides is filled with all sorts of things," Hermione explained, omitting the fact that Harry had put his Potions textbook in there at the end of the last year, the book that had belonged to the Half-Blood Prince.

Harry hadn't wanted to destroy the textbook, but Hermione had convinced him that it was dangerous to have it at the school, and when she had shown him proof that the book had belonged to Snape, that his mother had been a witch named "Prince," making Snape the "Half-Blood Prince," Harry had been glad to be rid of it and had left it in the Room of Requirement.

Hermione had played on Harry's dislike for the Potions master, and she still believed that the boy who had originally owned the book had not been particularly nice, but young Snape had clearly been friends with Harry's mother, so he couldn't have been all bad. And now, he was working for the Order, he was close to McGonagall, and the Headmaster had clearly been fond of him. From the way that Dumbledore had spoken to him when they were in the relative privacy of McGonagall's rooms, Hermione had the impression that the older wizard had a fatherly affection for him.

Snape agreed that the Room of Requirement seemed a sensible place to hide the basilisk teeth for the time-being, and then, simultaneously, both of them stopped and looked at each other.

"The diadem..." Hermione began.

"...is in the Room of Requirement," Severus finished.

"It must be," Hermione said. She looked up at Snape, her eyes shining. "It makes perfect sense. If he spent all of that time looking for the Chamber of Secrets, he must have found many other hidden rooms and passages while he was looking, and the Room of Requirement must be one of them."

"Of course. Of course. And he created that Horcrux as an adult, not when he was a student. He must have hidden it during a brief visit sometime...if it actually is at the school. We do not know that it is. But the Chamber of Secrets would have taken him time to reach." He realised now why Crouch said that he doubted the diadem was in the Chamber.

"But if it is in the castle, that must be where we will find it, I am sure of it," Hermione said.

They agreed that they would look in the Room of Requirement for the diadem without delay. Severus Levitated Hermione up out of the tunnel into the bathroom...doing so without turning her upside down, much to her relief, despite her essential trust in him...and then he followed, shooting up quickly, startling Hermione completely. She had been prepared to Levitate him up once she was safely on her feet, but she barely had time to draw her wand and he was beside her.

Severus looked down at Hermione, who gaped at him. He smiled briefly, then he said, "There are things which are best kept secret, don't you agree, Miss Granger?"

"Um, yes, sir," Hermione replied with a nod, pleased with his trust in her. "How..."

"A rare skill in this part of the world, recently taught me by one who would not wish me to be wandering about with basilisk fangs seeking what we seek," he said. "I am glad to practise it for something useful. And I do rely upon your discretion."

"Of course, but it is getting late...almost three o'clock. We had better hurry."

And now, he was standing in the Room of Requirement, surrounded by generations of objects left hidden and long forgotten, telling Hermione that he would not leave her alone to destroy the Horcrux.

"I simply cannot allow that," he repeated.

"I can do it alone, Professor. I appreciate your concern, but I am concerned about you. The Horcrux has a negative effect on any who are near it, but it seems to have a more powerful effect on you. It may have absolutely nothing to do with your Dark Mark, but whether it does or not, the bit of him could very well be drawn to the Mark when it is released from the Horcrux. I . . . I cannot bear the thought of the Horcrux doing something to you when it is destroyed." Hermione put her hand on his left arm. "You are a very brave man, Professor, and I know that, but please, don't take unnecessary risks." She gave a small grin. "You aren't a Gryffindor like Harry, after all, diving in without thought."

Severus tried to keep himself from twitching away from Hermione's warm hand on his arm, and he tried to keep himself from looking at it. He had had occasion to take that hand to help her step over some fallen rock, and it had been just as warm as he had held it, however briefly.

"I do not wish to be compared with Potter, nor to take him as a role model," Severus said grudgingly, "but I am unhappy to leave you to do this alone."

Hermione, sensing impending victory, gave his arm a light squeeze and let go. "I know that, but I think it best done now. There is no point in waiting. I will ask the Room to provide a place suitable for destroying a Horcrux. I am certain I will be fine. You can test it for curses first, then wait outside, and if I don't emerge in a reasonable amount of time, you can come in after me."

Severus looked down at the diadem, which lay at Hermione's feet. It did make him nauseous to be near the Horcrux, though it wasn't as bad as being in the presence of two of them. What Hermione said had some sense. They didn't know what effect it would have on him or on his Mark, or what effect his Mark might have on the bit of the Dark Wizard's soul that would be released when the Horcrux was destroyed. There could be no effect at all, but this was not a time for experimentation. But the thought of sweet Hermione . . . yes, she was sweet. The thought of her and her innocence alone with the Horcrux, destroying it, and then having that evilness escape . . . it made him quite ill, more so than the presence of the Horcrux did.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Severus nodded. "Yes, all right, Hermione." He raised his eyes from the diadem and met her gaze. "I am not comfortable with the idea, though. Take care...and use your left hand, just in case, and keep your wand at the ready."

"I will." Hermione hefted the bag containing two basilisk fangs. "Good job we have these, isn't it?" she asked with a grin.

---

At four o'clock, Severus rode the spiral stairs up to the Headmistress's Office. He had promised that he would report to her directly when they were finished in the Chamber, and it was later than he had anticipated. He really did not expect to see Minerva that night...or early morning...but he had promised. He would leave a note.

The door opened to him as soon as he reached the top of the stairs. He stepped through it to see Minerva sitting in one of the small armchairs near the fireplace, a book on her lap. Just as he was about to greet Minerva, Crouch appeared on the stairs. Severus ignored him.

"I did not expect to see you still awake," Severus said bluntly. He laid his grey cloth bag on the low table in front of her. "For you."

Severus waited, watching Minerva's expression as she opened the bag and pulled out the now-ruined diadem.

"It was there? In the Chamber of Secrets?" She sounded surprised.

"No. It wasn't." Severus resisted the urge to look over at Crouch, who had come to stand behind Minerva's chair and was now reaching out to take the diadem from her. "It was in the come-and-go room, the Room of Requirement." He wished Crouch weren't there. He wished he could speak to Minerva as he once had been able to.

"I will take this and put it safely away," the older wizard said softly. He looked at Severus and smiled. "Very good work, Professor."

Snape nodded curtly.

Robbie patted Minerva's shoulder. "I will see you shortly."

Minerva looked up at him and smiled. "Yes. Thank you, Robbie."

As Crouch left, Minerva gestured to the chair beside her. "Have a seat, Severus. Tell me about your outing with Miss Granger."

Severus snorted. It had hardly been an outing. "We made it to the Chamber essentially without incident. The tunnel required some work to get through, as much of it had collapsed, but it was more tedious than difficult. We searched the Chamber for the diadem, using both spells and a simple visual search, but did not find it. We removed two of the basilisk fangs and returned. Her– Miss Granger suggested that we keep the fangs in the Room of Requirement. When she made that suggestion, we both realised that the diadem was likely there, if it was anywhere in the castle. Miss Granger used a simple Accio and it flew out of some cupboard and landed at our feet. We did not handle it until I checked it for curses."

"Very wise," Minerva said as Severus paused. "And you decided to take the opportunity and the availability of the basilisk fangs to destroy it immediately. Also wise."

"Not precisely." Severus sighed. "Miss Granger destroyed it. She insisted. I should have forbidden it, but it seemed wise, as you say. She was concerned, with reason, that destroying it in the presence of my Mark might have some undesirable effect."

Minerva nodded. "Very good. Also wise."

"I felt the coward, Minerva. Waiting outside the room while she took the risk, while she destroyed it. I felt I was abandoning her to evil," Severus confessed, his shoulders hunched with exhaustion and shame.

"No, you did not. It was the prudent thing to do. It may not have had any untoward effects at all if you had been present, but it was wise not to test it. Miss Granger is not headstrong, and she is quite a capable witch, as I am sure you have seen for yourself."

"She . . . yes," Severus said, not finishing his thought.

"I am sure she felt relieved when you agreed to allow her to do it on her own. She would have been distressed if you had insisted on staying and anything had happened to you or to the object as a result," Minerva said. "You do not need to prove your bravery to her. You did the right thing, Severus. And it was good, too, that she had the opportunity to see your trust in her. Your trust of each other may be important in the future."

Severus nodded wearily.

"I think it's time for us to retire for what's left of the night, Severus. If there is anything else that you wish to tell me about this, we can meet again in the afternoon." Minerva stood.

Severus looked up at her. "I can think of nothing, but if I do, I will tell you."

"Good night, Severus."

He stood. "Good night, Minerva." He paused. "Thank you."

Minerva merely smiled and saw him out the door.

---

Another two weeks passed after the three Horcruxes were destroyed, and Severus was called before his false master, asked about his progress with the wards, and when Severus told him yet again that McGonagall had not yet entrusted him with their care and that he had become no closer to her, the Dark Lord had punished him more than he had even after Draco Malfoy disappeared from Hogwarts and Narcissa from the mansion. Afterward, he sat on the sofa in Minerva's sitting room, still trembling despite the potion he had taken before coming up to see her.

"I have nothing of value to report, except that he becomes more angry more easily and he trusts me less. I have tried to intimate that Bella had a hand in her sister's disappearance, but that was less than successful. I should either have begun to insinuate that much earlier or not at all. On that point . . . Crouch was right. It sounded false to him, an attempt to draw his attention away from me." Severus sighed. "But he is most unhappy with the fact that despite being your Deputy, I have not yet been entrusted with the wards. He wants me to show some significant progress before I see him next. And he thinks that I should be . . . closer to you."

"Precisely what does he mean by that?" Minerva asked succinctly.

Severus looked over at Crouch where he sat in the other armchair, apparently dozing. "He wouldn't care what I did; he has heard from the parents of certain students that Professor Crouch has your . . . your attention." Severus swallowed. "He thinks that if I cannot become closer to you, I should either cultivate Crouch or . . . eliminate him and make it appear an accident. Whatever happens, I am supposed to be working harder to influence you."

Crouch's eyes opened. "You may cultivate me, if you wish, but I would prefer not to be eliminated just yet, Professor," he said with a slight smile. The wizard nodded his tousled auburn head at Severus. "You may also find more excuses to spend time with Minerva, alone, without me present. If you combine that with some . . . other memories, you might be able to convince Riddle that you are achieving your goal."

Severus stiffened. "What memories? What are you suggesting?"

"It is ultimately up to Minerva, of course, but it might be useful if you recall some of your milder encounters from the time you were struck by the Adfectus."

Severus blanched and looked at Minerva.

"I hide nothing from Robbie, Severus," Minerva said apologetically, and looking somewhat sharply at Crouch. "But if you would like, if it would save you some . . . some punishment, then by all means, use some of those memories. I would appreciate it if you did not share the more intimate of them, but you may use your discretion."

Angered, Severus stood suddenly, but his legs shook, and he sat back down. "I thought we were not telling anyone."

"Robbie, could you give us some privacy, please," Minerva said.

The older wizard stood, gave a slight bow, and left the room, going into Minerva's personal study. Minerva drew her wand and cast an Imperturbable on the door.

"For your comfort," she explained.

"My comfort! You told him?" Severus's voice was pained.

"I did not go into detail, but he needed to know about it and to understand how various things have come into being."

"That is why he is always here. He does not trust me with you."

"No, Severus, no. He is here because I ask him to be, because I value his counsel and because I need him. I am sorry. He ought not have mentioned it to you."

Severus shook his head. "I do not trust him completely. He..."

"You need only to trust me, Severus," Minerva said, interrupting, "and to trust my faith in him. And as far as the Dark Lord is concerned, proceed as you believe best, as always. But please, if you can avoid punishment and draw things out by having him believe that your influence over me is growing, do that. And if that includes showing me kissing you, then do that, too. And in public . . . we must be seen together more frequently. I will make an effort to appear to rely upon you more...I do rely on you, but we must be seen to be in greater contact." Minerva nodded. "Do what you can. Do what you believe best. And do not blame Robbie. He has your best interests at heart. He did not mean to cause you any greater pain today. How are you feeling?"

"I have a meeting with Miss Granger in fifteen minutes, but I do not know how I can see her like this," he said, holding up a trembling hand. "It will be fine by morning, when I must teach, but . . . can you see her for me?"

"No, you need to see her. It is our agreement, and she expects you."

"I may have a spasm..."

"And she will be most understanding, I am sure. Lie down here on the sofa until you need to meet her," Minerva said, standing. "I am going to go speak with Robbie now. I will see you at breakfast tomorrow."

---

Hermione had expressed concern for him the evening before, and although Severus felt fine that morning when he got up...as fine as he usually did, anyway...he headed to the Hospital Wing before breakfast. Perhaps Poppy would not be there, and he could later tell Hermione truthfully that he had followed her advice and gone to the infirmary, but without the necessity of actually seeing the matron. He rarely ever sought any outside assistance after one of his more difficult audiences with the Dark Lord, preferring for a number of reasons to treat himself. The few times that he had needed assistance, Poppy had given it discreetly, never recording it in his official health records, although Severus suspected that she kept some record of her own.

Unfortunately, Poppy was in when Severus arrived, and she greeted him with no indication that she was in any hurry to depart for the Great Hall.

"How can I help you, Severus?"

"I brought you some of the burn potion that a few of my more adequate students brewed last week," Severus replied, handing her a small box containing several squat brown jars.

"Thank you. You could have sent a student with them, though." Poppy looked him up and down. "Out of the castle yesterday?"

Severus grunted crossly, nodding once.

"You look pale, more pale than usual. I think I should give you a quick once over while you are here." Poppy turned and sealed the doors to the infirmary. "If anyone needs me, they can knock," she said firmly.

After she had cast a few diagnostic spells, her expression not changing once, Poppy said, "You should eat more. You also have a slight calcium and potassium imbalance, which is easily corrected."

Poppy took hold of one of Severus's hands, and he instinctively pulled away from her, but her grip was firm. Taking his wrist, she raised his hand to her eye level. He still had a slight tremor.

"Just relax your hand, please." She shook her head and seemed to wince. "Must have been quite a day." Poppy lowered his hand but still held it between hers. "You should do more than just take that potion of yours."

"I took that and an analgesic potion before I went to bed," Severus said grudgingly. "It is a perfectly good potion, and designed precisely for this . . . this condition."

"There are others that would help, and you know that as well as I. You could also do with a general restorative and a daily vitamin and mineral potion." Poppy looked him straight in the eye. "There are people who are counting on you, Severus, and, more importantly, there are people who care about you. You cannot let yourself go like this. I know that it is not all your doing; I am too well aware of how you came to have this 'condition,' as you put it, but you can do more to take care of yourself. You look like a wizard twice your age, and that's not just externally. The life you have led, particularly these last few years, has taken its toll on your body. Unfortunately, it's not as though your problem is a simple one...if you were an alcoholic, we could just work on abstinence from alcohol. Not easy for an alcoholic, but a damn sight more straightforward than what is destroying your health. Even a Muggle your age should be healthier than you are. As I say, I know that the damage is not entirely of your doing, but you need to take better care of yourself. You need to eat properly, you need to sleep, you need to find something to divert yourself occasionally. You will be in an early grave if you don't."

Severus couldn't help his dry chuckle. "I will be in an early grave, regardless, Poppy."

"You might at least feel a little better between now and then, though. And you will be of greater good to others if you take better care of yourself," Poppy said, undeterred.

"Has Minerva been talking to you?"

"No. I am doing my job. Beyond that . . . I took care of you as a student, and now as a member of the staff. You may find this difficult to believe, Severus...indeed, I do myself, occasionally...but I have become somewhat fond of you. I would like to see you feeling better, even if you can't be any happier than you are and even if you are destined for an early grave, as you seem to believe."

"I don't have the time to brew vitamin potions and any of the others..."

"Then I can provide you with some very nice ones, very high-quality. But mainly, I would like to see you eating and sleeping better. You will withstand your outings more if you do."

"Mm. And today?"

"Today . . . I would prescribe a healing massage, but I know you would reject that even if it weren't a Monday. But here is a potion that will correct your imbalance," she said, reaching into the cupboard beside her and pulling out a vial with a clear liquid, "and here is another that will help the residual tremors a little and help relax your larger muscles." She handed him a second small bottle containing a deep green potion. "Just a half teaspoon of the green one this morning, but keep the bottle for the future. Never take more than one teaspoon at a time, and no more than four teaspoons in a day."

Severus nodded and pocketed them both.

"I suggest you take them now," Poppy said, handing him a small spoon.

With a show of reluctance, Severus swallowed the clear potion, handing Poppy the empty vial, then he measured out a half teaspoon of the green potion and took that, as well.

"Hmm, that one is rather . . . good," he said grudgingly. "Doesn't taste bad, either."

"It may make you slightly drowsy, but an extra cup of coffee should remedy that, and it passes quickly."

"Where did you get it?" Severus asked curiously.

Poppy hesitated. "It's left from some that Albus used to make. Minerva gave me most of his stores after he died last year."

"I see."

"He brewed it a few years ago, but it retains its potency for a very long time when properly stored," Poppy said awkwardly. "I think that Albus would be happy to know that it was helping you."

Severus nodded.

"It's almost a year now. Minerva does not wish to participate in planning his memorial. She says that Albus would want people to focus on . . . to focus on other concerns. Sometimes, I do not understand her. We have been friends for almost sixty years, and she still sometimes confuses me." Poppy sighed. "But I suppose that she has many worries and many responsibilities. She has enough to be getting on with without having to deal with reminders of her loss."

Severus looked appraisingly at Poppy. "Do you know Professor Crouch well?"

"Not very. I met him occasionally over the years. He was the son of a good friend, a wonderful witch...Gertrude was one of your teachers, I believe...but I honestly rarely saw Robert, since Gertrude usually visited him in Amsterdam, although I understand that up until her husband's death, Robert and his family visited the Gamp estate every summer." Poppy sighed sadly. "You are too young to remember, but she was married to Minerva's oldest brother, and there never was a finer wizard. A bit odd, in some ways, but Malcolm was a very good man and a powerful wizard."

"No, I did not know him. I only learned recently of his existence," Severus said, trying to avoid thinking about Gertrude Gamp, vanished into exile. "Still, I wonder about Crouch, if I may be frank with you. I am aware that you are friends with Minerva. I have expressed my doubts to her, but she will not hear them. I worry that perhaps he has some unsavoury hold over her, though I cannot imagine what it would be."

Poppy laughed shortly. "No, I do not believe he has any 'unsavoury hold' over Minerva...can you actually believe that of her? Truthfully? Minerva is a strong witch, stronger than you know. Not the most powerful, magically, though she is certainly far from weak. But she is strong in ways that matter even more. No, what I know of Robert and have seen of him this last year, I cannot imagine that he would do anything to harm her, and Minerva herself would not allow it." Poppy looked at Severus with some warmth in her eyes. "I understand that you are concerned about the closeness of their relationship, and I admit, I find it a bit peculiar, myself. But I think that Minerva needs a particular sort of friend right now, and it seems that Robert fills the bill. Albus asked Robert to stay on and told Minerva to lean on him for whatever she might need, and apparently, she is doing just that. It does not hurt that there is some superficial resemblance between Albus and Robert, although...not to speak ill of Robert...Albus was far better looking and the more attractive of the two wizards."

A sudden thought occurred to Severus. "He always calls Albus 'Uncle'; do you suppose that Albus was really his father? Albus knew his parents before he was born..."

This time, Poppy's laughter was quite mirthful. "No, I am certain that they are not related in that way. If you had known Gertrude Gamp in some capacity other than as your teacher, you would know why I laugh. Besides, I have seen family photographs, and he takes after his father as well as his mother. His father had hair about that colour, and he was quite tall. He does have his mother's eyes, though," Poppy said more softly.

"And you are certain that he isn't an imposter? You say yourself that you didn't know him well. Could he be someone other than who he claims to be?" Severus asked.

"Highly doubtful. For one thing, Minerva knew him better than I, and she would have noticed, and Albus knew him very well, and he helped care for him during those last few months." Poppy shrugged. "And, of course, there's Alroy."

"Alroy MacAirt?" Severus asked. He had often seen the three together, or sometimes just MacAirt and Crouch, but he assumed that the younger wizard was discussing Transfiguration with them.

"Yes, he is Robert's cousin...actually, his mother was Robert's cousin...and he has known Robert since he was a child, and Robert has tried to help with the care of Quin, Alroy's father." Poppy looked sadder than she had even when speaking of Gertrude.

"Quin?"

Poppy nodded, looking as though she was about to cry. "He was the most handsome wizard you could ever meet, talented, funny, brilliant in business and rich as Croesus, but you'd never know it except by his generosity. He was a terrific father. Utterly devoted to Minerva and Albus. He even taught here one year. But then . . . he was one of the most Muggle-loving of all Muggle-loving wizards. More than half of his business was in the Muggle world, and he saw it as a service to the wizarding world to inject his profits from the Muggle world into wizarding businesses." Poppy cleared her throat and tried to appear as though she hadn't begun to cry. "For all that, he was a powerful wizard with unusual talents, and despite the fact that he hadn't attended any school, he was highly skilled, but always willing to admit when he didn't know something and always ready to learn a new spell. As you might imagine, this did not set well with certain people." Poppy ceased trying to pretend she wasn't crying, and she pulled out a handkerchief and blew her nose. "He was attacked on a beautiful summer's day; I remember it particularly because it seemed so incongruous. This was before there were many attacks, real attacks, as opposed to just mischief and vandalism."

"What happened to him?" Severus asked, selfishly quite glad that it had been an early attack, not one that he could have been involved with.

"He was at St. Mungo's for days, and he kept screaming whenever he woke up. They had to keep him sedated in order to treat him. If he saw a wand or a potion, he would begin to have . . . fits. Shouting, yelling, struggling. He once tried to jump out a window when someone came to do some tests on him. Fortunately, the window was charmed, not real, though he gave himself a concussion diving into it," Poppy said. "Finally, he was physically well enough to be moved. They wanted to keep him at Mungo's, but his son and daughter decided to bring him home. Being in his London home distressed him, though...probably because that was where he had been attacked...so they moved him to Aine's home in Ireland, where Quin himself had grown up. He improved physically, and gradually, he regained more of his mental faculties, but he still couldn't bear the sight of a wand, a potion, or any evidence of magic at all. They have to live like Muggles, visitors have to dress like Muggles and keep their wands hidden, and Quin, despite still having a wealth of magic at his disposal, hasn't performed a single spell since the attack, and that was more than twenty years ago. Alroy is his wizarding legal guardian and had to divest his father of all of his wizarding business holdings, although Quin did begin to take an interest in his Muggle businesses again and has a hand in running them. Still, he does very little . . . and for a wizard who was bright, vibrant, and so powerful..." Poppy broke off, unable to continue. "You would understand if you had known him before," she said, choking back a sob.

"I . . . am sorry," Severus said, at a loss for words. He had wanted to learn something about Robert, and what he had learned only that confirmed the man had no reason to take a liking for Dark Wizards.

"It would be good if he and Gertrude could see each other. She used to visit him frequently. They were very close, particularly after Quin's wife was killed," Poppy said.

Oh, gods, not another victim of the Dark Lord. "How . . ." Severus didn't really want to know, but felt compelled to ask.

"Muggle terrorists, we would call them these days. A bomb, I believe it was, in the late forties," Poppy responded.

"Oh." Severus felt a peculiar sense of relief. "Why can't they see each other?" he asked, not wanting to name the witch he had maimed.

"She lives in a place that is difficult to get to; it would take magical means, which would disturb him. Gertrude also has a house-elf, who would have to hide if Quin were there. I miss her," Poppy said with a soft sigh.

"Don't you see her? Where is she?" Severus asked impulsively.

"No, I don't see her. She has been in hiding for more than fifteen years. In that time, I have visited her perhaps a half dozen times. We tried to get her to move back when You Know Who first disappeared, but she wouldn't. I don't believe she was frightened. I think she was . . . tired. Weary and . . . " Poppy blinked back a tear. "I believe she is simply waiting to join those whom she loves who have died before her. She said once that she was really dead, but she'd been too stubborn to go when it was her time. She said she should have just left her wand where it lay." Poppy shook her head and blinked again. "She was attacked, you see, and her wand arm cut off."

Severus nodded and began to back away toward the door. "Professor Crouch mentioned it. I must go now," he said awkwardly. "Thank you for the potions and the advice."

"I hope you take both, Severus! Do not live as though you were already dead. Do not make that mistake," Poppy called out after him. "Eat breakfast!"

---

A few weeks later, Hermione, unusually, came to his office during his office hours. No one came to his office hours, except the occasional sycophantic Slytherin.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she said as he cast a Colloportus on the door. "I needed to tell you that I will be a little late tonight, probably by fifteen minutes. I am meeting with Professor MacAirt first."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "As I cannot imagine that you have detention, I can only presume that you are having some trouble with Transfiguration, and that is almost as difficult to believe."

"No, we are going to discuss a special project."

Severus frowned. "You do not have the time to spend on any additional projects, Hermione. You will spread yourself too thin."

Hermione smiled. "It wouldn't be for now. Later. After everything's over."

"And I presume you will be no longer in school once that time comes." Severus looked no more pleased than he had. "What is the point of a special project, then?"

"He is an Animagus, and he said that he will teach me. He is going to give me a reading list tonight."

"Wouldn't you prefer Professor McGonagall to teach you? She was your Head of House for six years. And a witch...a more experienced witch."

"She is very busy. She probably would help me if I asked, but Professor MacAirt offered. I think it would be rude to tell him I'd rather have Professor McGonagall teach me. Besides, it wouldn't be true."

"I thought she was your favourite teacher," Severus said, obviously disgruntled.

"She is. But I like Professor MacAirt, too."

"Mm. As long as you do not become distracted during this time," Severus said, mild disapproval still in his voice.

"No, I won't be. We will only be discussing my reading once a week, not doing any magical exercises or anything that would take too much of my time," Hermione said.

"It must not interfere with our meetings."

"It won't usually. I promise." Hermione looked at him as though she was suddenly amused. "And he is very charming and quite good-looking, but I won't let that distract me, either."

"It is best not to. He is your teacher, and it would be highly inappropriate to develop an attachment to him, and it would make it difficult for you to concentrate on your studies with him," Severus said coolly.

Hermione laughed at that. "Oh, dear, I shall certainly have to guard against that in Potions, then! It wouldn't do to lose my concentration and start melting my cauldrons!"

Severus felt the colour rise in his cheeks. "Our relationship is quite different. We must work together in the Order. That is different. It is not an . . . an attachment."

"Oh." Hermione's face fell. "I thought, well, never mind."

"What did you think?"

Hermione shrugged. "I thought that, well, I know we aren't friends exactly, but I thought we might be after this is all over."

"Why? We have nothing in common. I am not in the market for a friend, Miss Granger. And I will not be here, in any case."

Hermione flushed. "Sorry. I have to go. I will see you this evening, sir. I won't be too late."

Hermione bent and picked up the bag that she had set by her chair, then she stood and turned toward the door.

"Hermione, we can meet tomorrow, instead. That would be better, and you can take your time with Professor MacAirt," Severus said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable that he had said what he had.

"Tomorrow is the first day of spring and the memorial for Professor Dumbledore," Hermione reminded him.

"That is in the afternoon. We can meet after dinner as usual."

Hermione nodded, still slightly turned away from him. "All right."

"Hermione," Severus said softly, "if I were in the market for a friend, I cannot think of anyone I would prefer to you. But do not become attached to me. I am nasty and unpleasant, and I will be dead before . . . before you begin your Animagus training."

Hermione turned toward him. "But if you're not . . . I know you are unpleasant and nasty. But I told you once that you aren't only a nasty bastard, sir, and that's still true. And maybe it could change if you had reason to be happy." She shrugged. "But once this is all over, that will be your decision, I suppose."

"Decision?"

"Whether you want to find reason to be happy," she replied softly. "But it is rather too late for me not to become attached to you, and I do hope that you live to find that reason. See you tomorrow, Professor."

Hermione removed the Colloportus and left the office and an unhappy Severus Snape.

---

Severus and Hermione's meeting the next evening was awkward, with none of the ease that had developed between them over the previous few months of working together. Since the three Horcruxes had been destroyed, the "intrepid trio," as Snape had begun calling them...usually just to see Hermione roll her eyes and smile despite herself...had begun looking for the next Horcrux, but had also begun their research into the Deathly Hallows again, spurred on by Luna. Harry was convinced that one of them was the ring that Dumbledore had worn to his grave. He wasn't certain about the other...he thought it was either the wand that Ollivander had had on display in his window, hiding in plain site, or Dumbledore's wand. Harry believed that if it was the Headmaster's wand, he had been buried with it.

Severus finally told Hermione what he had always known: Dumbledore had possessed two wands, it was by no means certain which wand had been buried with him, and even if they did know, they would have no way of determining whether either wand had been this so-called Wand of Destiny, particularly as there was no such thing. Hermione wanted him to ask Minerva about the wands, where they had been procured and when, and which one had been buried with him...she even suggested that if the Headmistress still possessed one of the wands, that she might give it to them to be "tested." Severus categorically refused to speak with Minerva about the wands.

"Especially not today, Hermione. It is the anniversary of his death. I will not ask her about that, especially since we both know that the Deathly Hallows are a fiction invented by the Headmaster himself."

"Are we sure he did?"

"Where is the sceptic?" Severus asked impatiently. "Of course we are sure he did. He was the master of deception in many ways...of necessity, Hermione. He did always prefer the truth, but he recognised the utility of deception. That is all that has kept me alive these last years. Deception. Potter and his little friends should continue to look for the Deathly Hallows if for no other reason than they can be seen to be doing so, but you should not be taken in by the story. Not now. You are too bright for that."

"And they aren't? You always talk like that about my friends, but they aren't stupid, you know. You said yourself that the Headmaster was a master of deception. Why shouldn't they be convinced?" Hermione asked.

"But you know better. You knew better even before I told you." Severus shook his head. "And what of the next Horcrux?"

Hermione sighed. "You know that I suspect...well, believe...that it's Harry, but they're still looking for something else. I don't know as Harry's heart is in it. I think he is beginning to believe it's him, too."

"Then that one will take care of itself, if Dumbledore was correct," Severus said.

"I've been thinking about that. I believe that Harry and Vol– er, You Know Who, are like their wands, though you tell me he has got another wand now. I think that they are like brother wands, or the inverse of brother wands, if that makes sense. Brother wands have the same magical core but different woods; their magical cores come from the same source. If what we suspect is true, then Harry has a bit of Vol– er, You Know Who's soul in him and You Know Who has a bit of Harry's body. It could be that there will be some kind of an effect because of that, something similar to the effect that brother wands have when they come into conflict with one another. But I don't know what that means. I think that from the little I have been able to learn about Horcruxes...and I do wish that Professor McGonagall would let me read more about them," she said, making a face, "I think that the bit of soul is encased in some of the creator's magic when it is placed in the physical object. I think that must be the key, somehow, but what it means . . ."

"I will request that she leave you more books on Horcruxes to read here in the library. If she does, please concentrate on those only. Some of these books that contain information about such Dark Magic also contain things that you really . . . you would wish you could forget it once you learned it. And you couldn't."

"Of course," she agreed. "Thank you, Professor. I will see you next week, then, at our usual time?"

Severus nodded and watched her leave without a single backward glance or friendly smile. He waited a few minutes, then left himself, planning on going directly to the dungeons, but Minerva was at her desk. She was reading a parchment and taking notes. When he entered her office, she looked up and smiled at him.

"Miss Granger just left; I thought you would be along shortly," she said.

Severus nodded. "How are you?" He hadn't had an opportunity to speak with her since the memorial.

"Fine, thank you."

"At the memorial . . . you . . ."

"Was I supposed to wear sackcloth and ashes, Severus? It was uncomfortable enough as it was. You know I did not approve of that assembly. Everyone tells me that life is for the living and I should get on with things, but then when I do, they disapprove, and when I do not wish to dwell on . . . on sadness, they find that difficult to understand. Those same people who urge me to remember that Albus is dead feel it necessary to invoke his memory." Minerva sighed and removed her glasses. "I do understand it. I do. And it was probably good for the students who knew him . . . but it will be a while before I mark Albus's passing, and when I do so, I will wish to do so in private and not at a public spectacle."

"Is that why Crouch left early?" Severus asked, trying to keep the censure from his tone.

"He and Albus were close. It was very difficult for him. He was uncomfortable," Minerva answered quietly. "As Headmistress, I couldn't very well follow him out, though I wanted to. But how are you, Severus? This cannot have been an easy day for you."

Severus finally took a seat across from her. "It has been difficult. I feel . . . selfish, speaking with you about it. Even though you do not show it, I do not doubt that you grieve him."

"Albus was always my one great love, my greatest love. The loss of that person . . . you might be able to imagine it. I do not know," Minerva replied. "But you . . . I know that you felt guilty, and I did not make it easier on you, but I was angry with you. And it was easier to be angry with you than to be angry with Albus."

"I understood that."

"Understanding it did not make it easier for you, but I also thought it best at the time . . . best if it appeared there was a strain between us, and a strain that could be mended. So I allowed myself to feel that anger toward you, to act on it, and to remember . . ." Minerva swallowed. "To remember what I had already forgiven you. I did not enjoy it, but it was necessary, I believed. And now, your other master can see how you are breaking down my barriers and becoming closer to me. Perhaps it gave us more time."

"Please do not call him that," Severus said in a pained voice.

"I am sorry." Minerva quirked a smile. "What if I were to call him what I used to when we were students?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "What was that?"

"'That little toe-rag,'" Minerva said. "That was my favourite, but I also called him a bully and a pathetic child." She grinned at Severus's expression. "I think we'll just stick with 'that little toe-rag' for now, hmm?"

"You called him that to his face?" Severus asked, baffled, trying unsuccessfully to imagine the Dark Lord as a student scoffed at by Minerva.

"I did. I half wished he would hex me after I first called him a pathetic child, then people might have seen him for what he was, but he held his temper. It was later, when I called him a cowardly bully with the heart of a chicken, that he finally drew his wand on me...I think because I did it in front of his little friends." Minerva's eyes shone at the memory. "I was faster than he was, though, and got off a nice little jinx. Unfortunately, Professor Dumbledore came along before anything more could happen. He warned me for about the tenth time not to get on Riddle's wrong side. I didn't understand it at the time, but even then, he recognised that Riddle was a budding psychopath."

"You jinxed the Dark Lord?"

"Oh, he wasn't anything more than a snot-nosed boy at the time...dangerous and disturbed, no doubt, but not what he later became."

"What jinx?" Severus asked curiously.

"He sprouted chicken feathers all over his body. Yellow ones." Minerva laughed.

Severus smiled, but he couldn't bring himself to laugh. "It is good, then, that none of his kidnap attempts have succeeded. He does believe that I will eventually wheedle Potter's whereabouts from you, so perhaps he will ignore you for a while."

"I will look forward to being able to leave the grounds again." She smiled at him. "Thank you, Severus. I know that he was not at all happy when your carefully planned ambush went so badly wrong and he lost several of his Death Eaters."

Severus shrugged. "It was nice to be able to blame it on Bella, as it was at her insistence that I was not present."

"Such a coincidence that I suddenly decided to bring so many friends out to lunch with me that day!"

Severus nodded. "How can you smile about it, though? It could have gone so badly wrong."

"But it did not, thanks to you," Minerva said.

"I still do not see what you have to smile about," Severus said moodily. "Albus is dead, it is likely that many more of your friends will be before the end, not to mention those you have already lost. I most certainly will be dead."

"I smile because I have hope for the future, a future after that little toe-rag," Minerva said. "I even have hope for you, Severus, that you will live, that you will find the redemption that you seek, that you will enjoy your life."

"There is no hope for me. I feel it. I know it. There will come a moment . . . I have no hope, not for me, not for anyone. I do not know why I continue," Severus said, Hermione's face flitting through his mind as he said that.

"There is always hope, Severus, even if it is not for ourselves," Minerva said. "No matter the setbacks or the defeats, there is always hope. We will not surrender to despair, we will not capitulate to Darkness. Even should we die, we will die with hope for tomorrow. Even in our final breath, we will know that our triumph will come. We will die with that hope in our hearts, if we must, but today, we shall live in it. Even should he win the day, that pathetic little toe-rag who fancies himself a lord of wizards, even then, we will know that it will not last. Hope will shine before us always, an eternal star that urges us forward even as we pass through the valley of despair. So proceed with hope, Severus, not only with regret and recriminations, no matter where it leads you, even if it leads you into darkness and death. Hope will be there. Remember it and look to its light even if you breathe your last, and that hope will carry you beyond the darkness. Hope, love, faith: they together shall vanquish the Dark, and it is in us that they live."

"And when we are dead?" Severus asked, morose and cynical. "Where, then, is that hope? Where, then, love?"

"Do not despair," Minerva replied gently. "They continue in the human heart, always. And they will triumph over dark deeds, cold indifference, and selfish desires. Love and compassion may sometimes seem very far away, but the good is there in the human heart, and if we must make sacrifices to ensure the good, that is just more proof of it. The proof of it is in you, Severus. In what you do and in what you give, in the choices you now make."

"You sound like Albus," Severus said glumly.

"Thank you." Minerva smiled. "He taught me well."

"It won't be the same."

"No, but it never is the same; one day to the next, each dawn different, yet each morning, the sun rises." Minerva took a breath and let it out. "The greatest pain comes from holding on to what is past, and that Albus taught me, too. And what change we can make through our own choices . . . such change and such choices are not always without pain, but they can engender less suffering in ourselves if we choose wisely and know that we have done what is right, as far as we are able."

"How can you say that today of all days?" Severus said, shaking his head. "Albus died a year ago today, and you speak of hope and love and choice."

"Severus, you made a choice out of your love for Albus and your love for me. You could not kill him. So Albus made a decision because of his love for you and his desire to save another young Slytherin. And then, in the end . . . in the end, I, who loved him most, I made my own choice, as well."

"What choice was that?" He wondered whether it was a decision to carry on with Robert Crouch less than a year after Albus had died.

"You loved him too much to kill him . . . I loved him more." Minerva's eyes filled with tears. "But it is best not to speak of that. It is growing late, and I believe you are on duty tonight. Go catch someone snogging in the trophy room, Severus. I will see you tomorrow."

Severus left, feeling puzzled and discontent, and wondering where he might find any hope of his own. If he was fated to die, what was the point of finding hope?