Chapter Twenty-Two: Split all ends up

Chapter Twenty-Two: Split all ends up

21 – 25 April 1998

Severus stared at the stack of parchments on his desk. It seemed absurd to even ponder reading them. Foolish. Futile. Farcical. He would give no more written assignments. He had scarcely the time and energy to eat and breathe, let alone sleep. He glanced at each one, not bothering with any of his usual comments, not even the most amusing of them, but simply crossing out the most idiotic sentences, putting checks next to the correct points, then writing the grade at the top. It was bizarre, surreal, almost laughable, if he were able to laugh and if it weren't all so desperately pathetic.

He needed a holiday, but there could be none for him or for anyone else. Even the Easter holiday had been cancelled earlier that month because of the dangers posed to the students who would be taking the Hogwarts Express. Class schedules had been modified for the week, and he had only had to teach his NEWTs and OWLs classes, with the other students being given organised activities and revision in the library, but that had hardly been a holiday. And the Dark Lord certainly didn't take holidays. Severus rubbed his eyes.

After curfew, he would deposit all his previous memories of the Room of Requirement and the diadem into the Pensieve, then he would go to the Room of Requirement, walk back and forth trying to get it to give him the room in which things were hidden, and then look for the diadem. He was not entirely sure how he would do that. Hermione had used an Accio, but he believed that the Dark Lord would want to see that he had spent time looking for it.

There was a knock on the door, two hard, distinct raps. Severus opened the door from his desk.

"Mr Zabini," Severus said with a nod.

The young man's face still bore faint traces of bruising, and his hair was so close-cropped that it looked like soft black velvet. When Madam Pomfrey had used a shaving charm to remove the jinxed hair, she had offered him a potion to speed its regrowth, but Blaise had declined. She had managed to restore his missing teeth, and when he had reason to smile, Blaise would once again flash straight pearly whites.

"Professor Snape," Zabini said, closing the door behind him, "I wish to return to Slytherin tonight, sir."

"That would not be prudent," Severus replied.

"Prudence is not the only consideration, sir."

"Your safety may be at risk. In classes and at meals, there are others whose presence can offer a measure of protection. You will be alone in your dormitory."

"I will not be alone, sir." He tilted his head slightly and shrugged. "Alone in my year, perhaps. But I am Slytherin and I need to be in my House. If I am not, there is no point in remaining at Hogwarts, and I will not leave."

Severus drew his wand and cast an Imperturbable and a Colloportus.

"Mr Zabini, listen to me carefully. If you return to the dormitory, you must be more Slytherin than anyone around you. Do you understand me?"

Zabini nodded. "I will take you as my example, sir."

Severus repressed a snort. "I do not believe that would be wise."

"Not in all things, sir. But I will be the better Slytherin."

"You will still be in danger when you sleep."

"I know a few tricks, sir. And I need to be there...because I am Slytherin."

Severus looked at him silently for a moment, then said, "Look after the other Slytherins, then, Zabini."

"I will." He hesitated. "There have been rumours that something will happen soon and that it may involve Hogwarts."

"Rumours?"

"Goyle, actually. His father told him to expect something big. He has been telling others."

"Both of them are idiots," Severus said disdainfully.

"Yes, sir," Blaise agreed.

"If something 'big' happens, keep the other Slytherins close. Do you understand me? Keep them close and protect them."

"We will do what we must, Professor."

"As will I," Severus replied. He raised his wand and ended the spells. "Good luck, Zabini. And five points to Slytherin."

"For what, sir?"

"For understanding and exercising the multitude of characteristics that a true Slytherin possesses."

Fifteen minutes after Zabini had left, there was another knock on the door. Severus opened it.

"Good evening, Severus," Minerva said as she stepped into his office. "I ran into Mr Zabini just now. He had his bags. He informed me that he is returning to Slytherin."

Severus flicked his wand and, with a sigh, sealed the door and cast another Imperturbable.

"He came to me a little while ago and informed me of his decision. He may be neither the Muggle-lover nor Mudblood-lover Crabbe accused him of being, but he has a greater understanding of what a future under the Dark Lord would mean, and he recognises that the traits most essential to a Slytherin do not include a distorted notion of blood purity. He is ambitious and clever, and he wants a world in which he can exercise those traits and truly achieve something for himself with no ties to a psychopathic megalomaniac."

"He told you all that?" Minerva asked.

Severus sighed. "Of course not. Not in so many words. But it is clear. He did say, explicitly, that he is not alone in his House. There are others who will stand with him. I told him to keep them close, particularly if anything happens."

"You told him about that?" Minerva asked in astonishment.

"No, he told me. Goyle is a complete dunderhead. He shared some information with his son, who, also being a dunderhead, has told others in his House," Severus said.

Minerva sighed and sat down in Severus's guest chair. "Do you know when it will be?"

Severus shook his head. "Soon, but I do not know how soon. It will clearly happen after the Azkaban prison break. It is possible that it will occur the next day, but doubtful. I believe that the Dark Lord is planning a simultaneous attack on the Ministry."

"Simultaneous with the attack on Azkaban or Hogwarts?" Minerva asked.

"Hogwarts. It may not be precisely simultaneous, but fairly close."

"You did not mention it before."

"Our concern is the Dark Lord. He will be here because he believes that Potter will return to defend Hogwarts. And I have no definite information about a Ministry attack. It is mere speculation."

"Mention this at the Order meeting on Saturday, though," Minerva said. "I trust your speculations. Those at the Ministry will need to be prepared."

Severus nodded. "I believe that he hopes both to keep any help from reaching us from the Ministry and to finally assassinate Scrimgeour. He is most unhappy with the repeated failures at kidnap. The last attempt was supposed to be an assassination...he has given up on the kidnapping plan and no longer believes it necessary...and he wants there to be a power vacuum in the Ministry, all ready for him to step into after he has killed Potter and taken control of Hogwarts."

"We must simply see to it that he can do none of that," Minerva replied. "To that end, I have brought you something." She reached into her pockets and withdrew two potions bottles, one larger than the other. "Your poison for the toe-rag. Robbie said that if you would like to review the instructions again before you deliver it and finish compounding it, he has left the book for you in my library. It's on the bottom shelf of the last bookcase."

Minerva held the bottles out to Severus, who looked at them with loathing but took them from her.

"He said to tell you that he brewed them in perfect proportion," Minerva said.

Severus nodded. "I will secure them."

"I thought that you could deposit this memory in the Pensieve, as well. I left it in my office for you."

"Thank you." Severus tamped down the anxiety that threatened to creep over him in anticipation of that night's task.

"Everything else is ready for you."

Severus nodded his acknowledgment. "And your visit to Potter this afternoon?"

"It was long, longer than I had thought it would be, given that we had already met and spoken yesterday," Minerva said. "But Kreacher will go with you. We have worked out what he will say and what he will do. He will allow you to Stun him in order to bring him to Riddle. He knows almost nothing about the plan except for his own part in it. He does know that he may not live. Strangely, it did not appear to perturb him."

"What are his instructions?"

"We told him that when you try to Stun him, he is not to resist. When he is questioned by the toe-rag, he may tell him everything that he told Harry, but that he may not divulge that he ever told Harry or anyone else about the locket. He will also say that someone stole the locket from his den where he had hidden it when Sirius was discarding family heirlooms, but that he does not know who stole it or where it is. That is all true, so it should be easy enough for him. If he wishes to resist answering your questions or Riddle's and only answer Bellatrix, that would be best. However, if Bella is not there, we did not want to see him tortured into answering, so he may answer either of you if you place pressure upon him. We also placed a few other restrictions on what he could and could not reveal."

"It is quite likely that he will be tortured in some manner even if he answers Bella's questions readily, and I do not trust him not to reveal more than he should," Severus said. "He has not proven himself reliable in the past. He turned on Black. If he had not colluded with Bella and Malfoy, the Dark Lord's ruse to draw Potter to the Department of Mysteries may not have succeeded. I do not trust him."

"He has obeyed Potter in the past, and Potter ordered him as his master. It is still possible that he could find a way to betray us, some piece of information that he could impart that we did not think to restrict, but Kreacher's life has improved since he came to Hogwarts, and he did cooperate with Potter when he questioned him about the locket in September."

"And if the Dark Lord...and Bella...allow him to be returned to Hogwarts? What is he to do then?"

"Remain here and say nothing to anyone about his excursion with you unless Harry calls for him."

"Hmmpf. That leaves me uneasy. I think he should be sent back to Potter. I can say I killed him and hid his body."

"After having told the toe-rag that he must be returned to Hogwarts to avoid suspicion? I think not. Just bully him in front of the toe-rag...threaten him with whatever you must in order for it to appear that he has been cowed by you and will not talk." Minerva saw the expression on Severus's face. "I know that it is an imperfect plan, but other than actually killing Kreacher...which I hope we can avoid...I do not see any other way of dealing with him afterward."

"And if Bella wishes to keep him?"

"He has been told to make a show of acquiescing, and then at the first opportunity, he is to escape and return directly to the house, not returning to Hogwarts first."

Severus sighed. "Very well. I will likely stage the kidnapping on Friday after dinner. Just find some reason to have him alone every evening...in some part of the castle where we are not likely to be disturbed."

"Have you forgotten that you are the Deputy Headmaster, Severus? Call for him. He will come to you just as he comes for me. When he arrives, Stun him."

"I will bind him after, perhaps Petrify him." Severus closed his eyes and shook his head. "I am surprised that Potter agreed to this. He must believe that I have some other plan in mind."

"One reason it took as long as it did was that I taught Potter how to use his Patronus to send messages and how to retrieve our messages to him, but the other reason was the number of questions he still had before he would give Kreacher his orders. However, Potter does still have dreams in which he sees some of what the toe-rag sees, and he recently saw a Death Eater tortured within an inch of his life and then left in a wood in the cold rain. It disturbed him. I told him that the reason you were in that position was not because you were incompetent, as the toe-rag apparently was shouting in this dream, but because you deliberately botched the raid and saved the little boy from death in that fire. Potter is coming to appreciate some of the difficult situations you have been in and the choices you have had to make. I also told him that you have been aware that he has made the house their base since the beginning, that you look after Miss Granger when she Apparates back and forth for their meetings."

"So when is he moving out?" Severus asked with a sneer.

"He is not. I also informed him that you were the one who checked the goblet and the locket for curses, and that you assisted Miss Granger in retrieving the basilisk fangs and destroying the diadem. I believe that he trusts you not to betray us."

"Well, isn't that generous of him! As if I hadn't been saving his sorry hide from the moment he arrived at Hogwarts," Severus said bitterly. "Now we only have to hope that the Dark Lord doesn't learn anything about me from Potter...though it does seem that he has not intentionally attempted to break into his mind in well over a year, and I have the sense that he himself does not dream. He certainly rarely sleeps. Whatever he has done to himself, his body is not human."

"It will be over soon, Severus, if you are right about the attack on Hogwarts. You will not have to continue hiding everything from him for very much longer."

Severus nodded. He dreaded that day, and yet he longed for the end of it all. To die would be liberation, final liberation. Until then, he would do what he must.

Minerva stood. "Be careful tonight, Severus."

"Of course."

At the door, Minerva turned back. "Please come see me immediately when you return. I will have your potion for you in the office, if you need it."

Severus nodded, lifted the wards, and watched her leave.

He would do and not think. He would do what was necessary. He would not anticipate. He would simply do what he had to do when he had to do it. Like the man who walks out unaided to stand before the firing squad, he would take one step after another. He would not anticipate . . .

---

Severus took the cup of potion from Minerva and swallowed it down. He waited for the tremors to subside as the potion took effect. If he were subject to Cruciatus very many more times, he would have a tremor that would never leave. It didn't matter. A permanent tremor for him would only last a few weeks, if that.

"I take it he was upset when he saw the diadem," Minerva said.

"Enraged," Severus said, his voice still trembling from the after-effects of the Crucio despite the potion. "Utterly furious. He wants me to bring him Kreacher immediately. I convinced him that I need at least one more day, but that I was making progress on determining a potion that would meet his needs ...and he has moved that up, too. He wants it by Saturday. I believe the attack on Azkaban will be sometime on Sunday. Either very early that morning or late that night, possibly early Monday morning, but most likely very early Sunday morning."

"Did he believe that you found the diadem as it was?" Minerva asked.

Severus nodded. "He did subject me to intensive Legilimency in between bouts of Crucio, trying to break down any Occlumency I might be practising." He smirked. "The Dark Lord believed he saw all that there was to see, and he only saw exactly what I wanted him to."

"Well done," Robbie said softly. "Well done, indeed."

"Did he ask about the wards again?" Minerva asked.

Severus shook his head. "But we discussed them only two days ago, and I believe he was more upset about the cup and the diadem tonight. Too upset to harass me about the wards again. I am still puzzled by the sense I get from him that he wants to enter the Hogwarts grounds by himself, undetected, prior to the actual attack. He has questioned me about the possibility of such a thing, but he would be vulnerable, I would think, and I do not know what he believes he could achieve...unless he plans to kill me at that time, but then I wouldn't be able to drop the wards and let the Death Eaters onto the grounds. I had believed that he wanted to search for the diadem, but he had me do that."

"The Headmaster's tomb," Robbie said. "He no doubt wishes to retrieve the ring and wand."

"He knows the ring was broken, that the Headmaster was fatally cursed when the Horcrux was destroyed...unless he still believes its stone to be one of those Hallows. He has not mentioned anything to me related to that search in at least two months. I believed he had abandoned it."

"The ring might interest him mildly for that reason," Robbie replied. "But I believe he is more interested in taking the wand that was buried with the Headmaster's body. He has no doubt concluded, just as Uncle Albus had planned, that that wand is one of the Hallows. He will believe that he can defeat Harry...or anyone...with it, that he will be invincible."

"He wants to desecrate the Headmaster's tomb to steal his wand?" An expression of distaste crossed Severus's face. "I do not like that."

"It was a part of Uncle Albus's plan, Professor. It is why he wished to be entombed on the grounds and why he desired to have the wand placed within the tomb. Do not concern yourself with worries about the grave. It was always intended to be so."

"And the wand? It is not one of these Hallows, but is it possible that it could enhance the Dark Lord's power? Was there something special about it?"

Minerva shook her head. "No. It was Albus's secondary wand. Perfectly serviceable, something he obtained after the war with Grindelwald because his other secondary wand had been broken some months before, but it has no special properties. Albus's primary wand is quite secure. That one does have special properties, but none which could be turned to use by the little toe-rag, and Albus was its original owner."

"If the Dark Lord believes that the Headmaster was buried with Grindelwald's wand and that wand is the Deathstick, is any of that true?"

"Oh, no," Minerva replied. "Albus presented Grindelwald's wand to the Ministry after the war. There were some plans to display it at one time, but then Albus dissuaded them, saying that it should not become a kind of holy relic, a focus of pilgrimage or inspiration for other Dark Wizards. Perhaps someday, in the correct context, it could be displayed. The one in the grave is of mistletoe and dragon heartstring."

"Not even the proper materials," Severus said with a grimace. "He will know it is not the Deathstick. He will know that the clues I fed him were so much flim-flam."

"He will not know it immediately," Minerva said. "We do know someone with a wand with a Thestral hair core, but its wood is ivy and she is still using it. It seemed pointless to try to replicate the one from legend if we could not do so exactly. He may never discover its materials if events move quickly enough. What he may discover is that it does not function very well for him."

"The Dark Lord has had Ollivander make him three different wands, but he has not been pleased with any of them. Poor wretch," Severus said, thinking of the wandmaker, his filthy clothes hanging off his shrunken body. "The Dark Lord wanted me to steal one of Fawkes' tail feathers, but by the time he ordered me to do it, the Headmaster was dead and Fawkes was no longer available."

"Clever...make a third wand, and the brother effect dilutes, becoming insignificant," Minerva said with a nod.

"I was unaware that you knew so much about wandlore," Severus said questioningly.

"I made something of a study of it when I was younger...before you were even born," Minerva replied with a smile.

The three looked up, distracted from their conversation by the appearance of a fox Patronus flying through the window. The Patronus flew straight to Minerva and seemed to fly into her ear, disappearing as it did. Minerva closed her eyes for a moment, wincing slightly, but then she opened her eyes and looked at Robbie.

"He has Xenophilius Lovegood. The Dark Mark was cast above his house a half hour ago and Lovegood is nowhere to be found."

Severus reacted first, sitting up straighter. "What? I had no information about this..."

"If Riddle has not pursued any questions regarding the Deathly Hallows with you," Robbie said, "that does not signify that he has abandoned the quest. He may have feared that you would realise what he was looking for and begin the search yourself. He may underestimate you, but he is not so blind as to believe you truly unintelligent. It is likely that when speaking with you, he has deliberately avoided any topic touching on the Hallows."

"But why Lovegood?" Severus asked. "I never mentioned him."

"Riddle is aware that his daughter is Harry's companion and that they have been seeking the Hallows," Robbie replied. "It is common knowledge that Xenophilius is a great believer in many things that the rest of the wizarding world believes to be mere fantasy or legend. It may be that Riddle has determined that Xenophilius is their source for information. Harry obtained some of the information from Miss Granger, but most of it from Miss Lovegood. Miss Granger was supposed to convince Harry that the Hallows were a fraud. Uncle Albus was unaware at the time he told Harry of the original legend that Harry would become so focussed on the Hallows that he would give more credence to Miss Lovegood's belief than to Miss Granger's."

"Lovegood had those faked documents," Minerva pointed out. "If Potter saw them, that, combined with Lovegood's own conviction, could be sufficient for him to believe that Miss Granger was incorrect. And I do believe that some of the hints that Albus gave him just a few weeks before he died were enough to make Potter believe that Miss Granger was wrong."

"I...I believe that Uncle Albus only told him that Riddle was seeking them and what Riddle believed they could do for him. I do not believe that Uncle Albus wished Harry to believe that he himself believed in their existence or their power," Robbie said.

"That is neither here nor there," Severus said impatiently. "The Dark Lord now has Lovegood, and likely his papers, as well. I do not know what to make of it."

"Perhaps he only wishes to obtain confirmation of what he already knows, or to discover what it is that Xenophilius has told Harry and his daughter," Robbie said.

"Or," said Minerva, "the toe-rag wants to confirm whatever it is he believes about the wand in Albus's tomb."

"I wish Albus were here," Severus whispered. "He would know what this means and what to do."

"We will do the best we can," Minerva said.

Severus looked up and met her eyes. "What if he can tell that Lovegood has had his memory altered? That would tip him off that everything I have told him has been planted, too. He could simply kill me. He certainly will if he believes that I knew of the hoax."

"Not if he wants you to lower the wards," Minerva said.

Severus shook his head. "If he believes me a traitor, why would he believe I would allow him access to the grounds? He could believe that my usefulness is at an end. With sufficient brute force, he could enter the grounds through the Forbidden Forest. The wards are weakest there, and he knows it. It is how he has gotten people onto the grounds before. They just walk in."

"It is one thing for one or two people to get in that way and quite another to bring in enough to mount an attack. The Forest itself provides a barrier on both sides of the wards," Minerva replied.

"They could fly in...there is no protection against invaders on broomsticks, and he himself does not even require a broomstick, nor do some of his inner circle," Severus said with some agitation. "They only need me because the Dark Lord wants the Anti-Apparition wards down. Apparating in will add to the surprise and they will not be as vulnerable as they would be if they flew in, but they could nonetheless easily invade from the air. On a moonless night, an aerial invasion could be as much of a success as one with the wards dropped."

"One must not only be able to invade, Professor," Robbie said softly. "One must also have a clear route for retreat, even if just to regroup, or one can find oneself trapped. Having the Anti-Apparition wards fall would allow that. It would also allow them to Apparate from place-to-place on the grounds or in the castle. Quite an advantage for them if you were really to break the wards. And an advantage for us if you do drop them as we have planned, since we will be able to raise them again. Riddle's understanding of Hogwarts warding is very rudimentary, and it is good that it has remained so."

"But the fact remains that if he does not believe that I will help him with the wards, he will kill me immediately." Severus sighed. "But I suppose that at this point, whether my death occurs tomorrow or after the attack on Hogwarts matters little. I have accomplished almost all that is required of me."

"I do not believe that Riddle will be able to discern that Lovegood has had his memory altered, but if you can discover where he is being held, the Order can attempt a rescue, for both your sakes," Robbie said. "Your life is worth more to us than simply your value to us as a spy, Professor."

"My life is nonetheless forfeit. There will come a moment when he knows with complete clarity that I have been a traitor all along, and he will kill me."

"Not yet, though, Severus, and we will try to avoid it altogether," Minerva said. She looked over at Robbie. "We should move up the Order meeting. Tomorrow night is too soon, but I think Friday night. Severus can deliver Kreacher tomorrow and learn what he can, then report on it at the meeting."

"I think we should meet tomorrow night, very late," Robbie said. "Professor Snape can come directly from his meeting with Riddle if he kidnaps Kreacher immediately after his last class."

Severus felt a peculiar sense of hysteria creeping up on him. Waiting for his own murder. Planning a kidnapping around Hogwarts classes. Delivering deadly poisons on the weekends. It was all so absurd. So pointless. Minerva and Robbie stared at Severus in alarm as he began to laugh, choking laughter mingled with tears.

"Must not neglect my classes, now! Couldn't have that!" Severus said, gasping. "I should just kill them all, one class after another. They step into my classroom and I mow them all down. That is what I will be doing, letting him into Hogwarts. I should just poison everyone's pumpkin juice, have a Great Hall filled with corpses. Avada Kedavra my colleagues as they sit down to eat. Let poison gases fill Slytherin House, drown the Hufflepuffs in their warren . . ." His words and laughter subsided as he held his head in his hands and tried to regain control of himself, his breath still coming in shaky gasps.

Robbie and Minerva looked at each other. Robbie got up and went upstairs to Minerva's suite. Minerva pulled her chair closer to Severus's. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"It is hard," Minerva said softly. "I am a Headmistress of a school that I know will be the primary target of an attack by Death Eaters. I do not close the school. I have worked here and loved the students here for more than forty years. But I look at all I love in the wizarding world and know that it cannot be saved by doing what would ordinarily be the right thing. We have plans in place to shelter the younger students, bring them into the tunnels, take them into Hogsmeade, if it is safe there, but even if that plan works perfectly to save them all from the attack, we must prevail in the fight or they will still suffer, and many will suffer greatly, and any who are Muggle-born will suffer most...yet we continue to admit and educate the Muggle-borns just as we always have. What we are doing is almost impossible. To run a school as though that was all we were doing, and then at night, plot to defeat a Dark Wizard using methods that are at odds with what we do during the day. But we must. We did not choose that the little toe-rag become fixated on Hogwarts and on Potter...we did not create his belief that Harry would return here to defend the school but that Harry would not emerge to defend the Ministry or any other location. That is what we are given. We must use it against him. Find a way of turning it all in our favour."

Severus, now more in command of himself, nodded. He looked up just as Robbie came back down the stairs.

Robbie poured out a small spoonful of a pearlescent purple potion. "Here, take this. You will feel better," he said softly, extending the spoon toward Severus.

"Draught of Peace?" Severus asked.

Robbie nodded.

"Where did you obtain it?"

"I brewed it some time ago," Robbie replied.

"Have you administered it to anyone else?"

"One dose, yes," Robbie said with a nod.

"I presume the person did not die or you would have discarded it," Severus said. "Nonetheless, I do not require a potion."

"You may not require it, Severus," Minerva said, "but you may be more comfortable. The stress you are under is unimaginable. Any other wizard would have crumbled already. Just take one dose. It will help you sleep, too. If it makes any difference to you, he brewed it for me. I only took the one dose, but it helped me to regain my equilibrium."

Severus took the spoon and swallowed the potion. Within moments, he felt its effect. He closed his eyes, savouring the sensation that flowed through him. Perhaps this was what death would be like. His stomach no longer felt twisted in a knot, he could feel the tension in his chest dissolve, his muscles relaxed, but best of all, he had a sense of mild euphoria, that all was well, that all was as it should be. Everything made sense and everything was all right. He was happy and well. His euphoria grew.

Severus opened his eyes. "You should not have given the potion to me."

"Why not?"

"I am a Potions master. I can brew it myself. I do not need the temptation." His eyes fixed on the bottle. "I could take it over and over again. It's very nice. Nicer and nicer."

"And as a Potions master," Robbie replied, "you also know that the effect diminishes if you take it repeatedly, and you have to increase the dose until finally it is no longer effective at all, and then you will feel worse than you felt before you took the very first dose."

"But right now, it is very . . ." Severus took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, a slight smile on his face. "It is lovely. Mmm. Lovely."

"Good," Minerva said. "Do you think you can concentrate?"

Severus looked at her with a smile on his lips. "I can always concentrate on you, Minerva."

She looked at him for a moment, then she nodded and said, "All right. Here is the plan. Severus, you will deliver Kreacher tomorrow night. Robbie, we will move up the meeting, but only to Friday evening. Severus needs to be able to take his time tomorrow and not rush to the Order meeting. I also want Severus to teach Miss Granger how to send and receive Patronus messages tomorrow evening...it is long overdue. I taught Potter today and he will teach Weasley and Lovegood. And although it might be instructive for others in the Order to see Severus after one of his meetings with the toe-rag before the benefit of his antispasmodic potion, I believe we should allow him to retain his privacy with regard to that. At the Order meeting, we will discuss what Severus manages to learn about Lovegood and anything he knows or believes about the attacks on Hogwarts and the Ministry. We will inform only a few of them about the attack on Azkaban and our role in it. Weasley, Shacklebolt, Tonks, and Remus. I do not feel comfortable divulging it to anyone else, including Moody. Any comments?"

"I would share the information on the attack on Azakaban with no one but Weasley, but if you wish to discuss it with the others, that is your decision," Robbie said. "I also think that we should ask Harry to attend the meeting. It is important that he knows what the Order knows right now, particularly about the attack on Hogwarts and our preparations for it."

"It all sounds perfect to me, Minerva," Severus said, a relaxed smile on his face. "Completely perfect."

Minerva hesitated, then she said, "I would like to see you in the morning...come to me before breakfast. I would like your opinion uninfluenced by the Draught of Peace."

"Of course, Minerva," Severus replied placidly. "But you are always utter perfection. You will be just as perfect in the morning."

"Now, do you think you can restore your memories from the Pensieve in your condition, or do you want to wait until morning?" Minerva asked him.

"Leave 'em there till after I give the Dark Lord the poison." Severus laughed, almost a giggle. "Wish I could really give him the poison. If he's human enough to be poisoned. He's one ugly son of a Crup. Revolting. D'you know that Bella worships the ground he walks on? She always has. He used to be handsome. Now he's repulsive. Inhuman. He might not even have a dick anymore. But Bella still finds him attractive. I think she likes him more, in fact. Every time he punishes someone, you can see her excitement. I'm surprised she doesn't start masturbating right there in front of everyone. When he was punishing me after the failed raid, you should have seen her face. She must have really enjoyed it when he crushed my testicles, though by that time, I couldn't see anything. Wonder how she'd like to see her Dark Lord die a painful death, in the same agony he deals to others. Give him some awful poison to kill the snake in him, watch him wriggle and die slowly." Severus laughed again. "I'd like to see that. And to see the expression in his eyes when he knew that he was dying. When he knew I had killed him. I would like that. That is a happy thought." Severus gazed glassy-eyed into space, smiling as he imagined murdering his false master.

Minerva took in a deep breath. "Robbie, would you see Severus down to his rooms? Severus, will you remember to come see me before breakfast?"

"Of course I will," Severus said. "Come on, Robbie. I'll show you my secret hidey place. Do you have a secret hidey place? I put your poison potion in my hidey place. It's a very clever hidey place. You'll like it."

"Well, if you want it to stay secret, son, you might not want to show it to anyone," Robbie said kindly as he took Severus's arm. "I am impressed, though. You truly are clever to have a secret hidey place here in the castle."

"Yes, I am, very clever," Severus agreed with a happy nod. "Good night, Minerva!"

"Good night, Severus. Sleep well," Minerva said. "Robbie, did you give him too much potion?"

"I apparently failed to fully account for his depleted physical condition, so perhaps it was a little too much. But he will be fine," Robbie replied.

"Yes, I will be fine, Minerva! Don't you worry about me!" Severus added cheerfully. "I'll be fine right up until the Dark Lord kills me, and then I'll be even better. So don't worry!"

Minerva shook her head as she watched Robbie guide Severus out the door to the moving staircase, grief in her heart. The potion was well-intended, and Severus had taken it willingly, but she doubted that he would enjoy remembering his behaviour in the morning. Still, it was better than the almost hysterical state he'd been in earlier. She hoped that he could withstand just a little more. Just a little longer, Severus, she thought. Just a little longer.

---

Severus Apparated into a stand of trees just outside of Hogwarts gates. He looked around him, listening carefully. He heard nothing but the whispers of the night. He bent and deposited his burden on the bed of dry pine needles, then he knelt and waved his wand, and the bonds that held his prisoner curled into a tight bundle vanished. He carefully straightened Kreacher's legs, but the house-elf gave no sign of awareness, his head lolling back, small muscles throughout his body twitching.

Severus removed his cloak and wrapped the house-elf in it so not even a hair was visible, then he picked up the creature and stood. He opened the gate, closed it behind him, then walked up to the castle, carrying Kreacher over one shoulder. The house-elf was not heavy, but by the time Severus reached his dungeon rooms, he was tired from exerting his overtaxed body.

He laid Kreacher on the couch and unwrapped him, tossing his cloak on the chair behind him. The house-elf's eyes fluttered open, then closed again.

"Stay here. Do not attempt to move," Severus said, though he believed that the words were unnecessary.

He returned a minute later. He put his arm under Kreacher's shoulders and lifted him, moving him to recline against the cushions at the end of the sofa. Kreacher's eyes were half-open and his breathing was weak.

"I have not made a study of house-elves or their physiology," Severus said as he uncorked a bottle, "but I do not believe that this will hurt you and I hope that it will help. It is very hot going down. Do not choke on it."

Severus tilted the house-elf's head, one hand behind his neck at the base of his skull, and slowly poured some of the thick potion into his mouth. Kreacher grimaced involuntarily and jerked away from the bottle, but Severus held his head firmly. He waited a moment, then poured more potion between Kreacher's lips. Severus watched the house-elf for a few minutes. It seemed the twitches and spasms were subsiding, so he poured just a little more potion into the house-elf's mouth.

Five minutes later, Kreacher opened his eyes fully and looked at Severus. His eyes were dull and blank. He had been surly but cooperative when Severus had summoned him to his rooms a few hours before, and he had allowed Severus to Stun him. Once at Malfoy Manor, he had performed convincingly. Even when Bella first cosseted him and then punished him, he remained the subservient but unpleasant house-elf that Bella and the Dark Lord expected to see, and even under the Crucio, he told the same story to them that he had before, and he added nothing that he should not have.

"Is there any elixir that would speed your recovery further?" Severus asked.

Kreacher seemed to snarl slightly, but he said, "Butterbeer."

Severus doubted that Butterbeer would speed the house-elf's recovery, but if it was what he wanted, he would not deny the pathetic creature.

Severus went over to his fireplace, lit a small fire, barely a spark, and tossed in some Floo Powder. He stuck his head in the fireplace and called for the Headmistress's Office. When Minerva appeared, he said, "We have returned. He wants Butterbeer."

Minerva nodded and disappeared. Severus pulled his head from the fireplace and went back over to the couch and stood looking down at the house-elf, whose muscles still rippled occasionally, but who otherwise looked much recovered. A minute later, Minerva Flooed through, a bottle of Butterbeer in her hand. Severus took it from her and uncapped it.

"Sit up and you can drink your Butterbeer," Severus said.

Kreacher opened his eyes again, then he swung his legs around so that he was sitting on the edge of the couch, his feet dangling. Severus held out the bottle and Kreacher beckoned with a finger. The bottle floated from Severus's hand into his own. He drank thirstily, the bottle not leaving his lips until he had drained the last drop.

"How are you?" Minerva asked, addressing Kreacher.

"Kreacher be's Kreacher," he replied sullenly.

"Are you saying that you are recovered?" she asked.

Kreacher looked at his toes.

Minerva sighed and looked at Severus. "I see you are both alive and here. May I presume that it went as planned?"

Severus nodded shortly. "Unpleasantly so, but better than I had expected."

Minerva turned back to Kreacher, who still appeared to be examining his toes. "I will inform your master that you have performed well. You have been an excellent and brave house-elf and you served your master as he required. I will see that he knows that."

Kreacher raised his eyes briefly. He nodded, then a peculiarly wicked expression crept across his face. "Mistress Bella doesn't know her master is a filthy half-blood." A wheezy, rusty, high-pitched, chirping laugh squeezed itself from the house-elf's throat.

"If you feel sufficiently recovered, you may return to your duties in the kitchens and continue to behave just as your master, Harry Potter, requires of you," Minerva said.

Kreacher raised his hand, snapped his fingers, and before the sound had reached their ears, he was gone. As soon as he was, Severus let out a tired breath and sat down on the couch. Minerva sat beside him.

"You said that it went better than expected," Minerva said questioningly.

Severus nodded. "Hubris is a dangerous trait for the one who has it. Both Bella and the Dark Lord are so convinced of the inferiority of house-elves and of Kreacher's original blood-tie to the Black family that they did not test his sincerity or his truthfulness in any meaningful way. They did Crucio him to see whether he would tell the same story he had revealed when Bella first questioned him, but his story did not waver. He was even clever enough not to tell it in precisely the same words. It did not sound rehearsed. Of course, it may not have been cleverness, but it was convincing. I was required to place pressure on him, to instill fear of what I might do to him if he were to tell anyone where we had been, and that meant casting the Crucio on him again, but I did not cast it forcefully."

"And you?" Minerva asked.

"The Dark Lord pretended to be pleased...that is to say, he was pleased that I had brought Kreacher to him, although he did not like what he learned, and he pretended to be pleased with me personally. There were no dubious 'rewards' this time, only insincere words of praise and encouragement for me to continue to perform well for him and not fail him. I believe he thought the lack of torture was reward enough," Severus replied.

"And his reaction to Kreacher's story?"

"I am to go to headquarters and search for the locket. I told him that because I need to work on the potion for him and get that to him on Saturday, I would search for it on Sunday. He was unperturbed by that. I believe he has some other plans, but I do not know what they may be," Severus said. "I will go to Grimmauld Place on Sunday and search. I am not going to expend much time on it, however. I will simply manipulate my memories so that it appears that I searched fruitlessly for hours. We will need to inform Potter that he and his friends will need to clear out while I am there and remove anything that I might see that indicates they are staying there, and I will remove any other memories that connect them with the house before I return to the Dark Lord. I do not want any threads that might lead to some memory I did not think to remove, however, so I must not see anything that might indicate they are living there."

Minerva nodded. "We can speak with Potter about that at the meeting tomorrow night...or I suppose it is tonight already. We will arrive early...you, Hermione, Robbie, and I will all go together. We will Disapparate from a point in the Forbidden Forest rather than from outside the gates."

Severus nodded.

"Miss Granger said that your lesson was effective and she now can send Patronus messages."

Severus nodded again, but frowned. "I need to inform you . . ." He swallowed nervously. "I must inform you that the shape of my Patronus has changed."

"Changed? When? To what?"

"I do not know when. I have not cast a Patronus for more than a year. I only ever used it to communicate with the Headmaster and never cast it in the presence of others." He raised his eyes to meet hers. "It is not the easiest spell for me to cast, in any case. I did wonder whether I would be able to do it this evening when I demonstrated it to Hermione. The first one was indistinct, like a wisp of smoke, and I did not immediately notice the change, but when I cast the second, it was almost fully corporeal and it clearly was no longer a doe."

"What was it? If ever you send me a message, I must know," Minerva said.

"It was some kind of cat. A large cat." At her raised eyebrows, he added, "It was not a tabby. It is unlikely to become confused with your Patronus."

"Cast one now," Minerva directed.

Severus did not stand, but merely took a breath, closed his eyes a moment, tried to conjure a happy memory, a happy moment, and Hermione's smile when they took their first "brain holiday" flashed through his mind. He took hold of the memory, opened his eyes, raised his wand, and cast.

"Expecto Patronum!"

To say that the Patronus was a cat would be like calling a massive wild boar a little piglet. Severus directed it around the room, then it zoomed toward Minerva, its jaws open, its large fangs exposed, and it flew into her ear.

Minerva smiled slightly. "Interesting message, Severus. 'The greatest Slytherin will never be recognised.'"

Severus shrugged. "If one is truly accomplished and cunning, one's Slytherin nature will be obscured. Perhaps by taking the form of a cat." Perhaps by dying a shameful death.

"More of a jaguar, I would say. Some type of panther, anyway," Minerva said. "I will inform Robbie in case you need to send him a message."

"I would not. I would send one only to you."

"If I am dead or otherwise unavailable, you may have to," Minerva replied.

"What is his Patronus?" Severus asked, ignoring Minerva's statement.

"Some kind of bird, I think," Minerva said. "I have not seen him cast one in a long time."

"It is unsafe to send me messages, anyway," Severus said. "The company I keep would be curious, to say the least. Who sent the message yesterday? The fox?"

"Moody."

Severus nodded in acknowledgement. He was not looking forward to seeing the Auror at the Order meeting. Perhaps Moody might manage to keep a civil tongue in his head, at least.

"Good night, Severus. You did well tonight. Try to sleep. You look worn out."

"Twenty-hour days do not invigorate," he replied. "Good night, Minerva."

When she had left, Severus left his rooms and went to his office. He waved his wand, unwarding his private Potions cabinet. He reached behind some desiccated Flesh-Eating Slug larvae and felt for a squat, globular bottle. He removed it, re-warded the cabinet, closed up his office, and returned to his rooms.

Before he got into bed, Severus placed the potion bottle on his bedside stand next to his watch.

---

Severus quietly raged through the corridors of Hogwarts. His mood had been on edge all day, not improved by the Invigilatus Potion he had taken when he'd woken at five-thirty after three hours sleep and again at noon before he went to lunch. But he was awake and his muscles no longer felt leaden, and that was all he wanted from the potion. He dreaded going to the Order meeting that night...very likely his last meeting before the end, and that provided a slight consolation...but he hated it, what Minerva would say, what he would be required to report, the eyes of the other Order members on him, Potter's eyes this time, too. Lily's eyes, accusing him, pitying him, despising him. Gods, at least when he was dead, he would never have to look into those eyes again. Wherever he was going after death, he doubted that Potter would ever follow and Lily certainly was not there.

He rounded a corner and saw Nott flick his wand. Severus's eyes moved to the object of the spell. Longbottom. The bottom of his book bag disappeared. All of his books and what appeared to be a crock of dirt fell to the floor with a crash. Neville turned, seeking his tormenters. Nott and his friends now had their backs to him, apparently deep in conversation. The young man knelt and began to pick up his books. He blinked hard as he tried to gather the shards of his crock and the dirt that had scattered.

"Longbottom!" Snape barked. "What are you doing! What is this mess?"

"My...my bag, sir..."

"Don't you know how to cast a Reparo yet?"

"No magic in the hallways, sir," Neville said softly.

Severus narrowed his eyes. "I have not known a Gryffindor yet who thought that rule applied to them. You are coming with me, Longbottom!" Severus flicked his wand. The shards gathered themselves together, the crock made whole again. Another flick and all of the dirt was packed into the crock.

"Pick it all up! Now!" Severus was aware of the amusement of the Slytherins behind him.

Neville scrambled to pick up the books and the crock. His bag was useless as the bottom had entirely vanished, so he held the books in his arms in front of him, the crock carefully balanced on top and held in place by his chin.

Severus began walking at a fast clip toward the staircase. "Keep up, Longbottom!"

When they'd gone down a half a flight and reached a landing, Severus turned, waved his wand, and restored the bag. "Put the books in it! Fast! I don't want to have to wait for you when you trip over your shoelaces."

Neville put his books back in the bag, but seeming not to entirely trust it, he held his crock of dirt cradled to his chest. Severus sneered.

Neville trotted behind Severus all of the way to the Potions masters' office. When they got there, Severus slammed the door behind them, then sealed it and cast an Imperturbable.

"Sit." Severus pointed at a chair.

Neville sat.

Severus took his place behind his desk and stared at the young wizard for a long moment. Neville's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed nervously.

"Do you think that I am evil? Do you believe that I am your greatest nightmare, Longbottom? Do you truly fear me?" Severus asked, his voice low and dark. "If you do, then you are a greater fool than I ever took you for. I am a nasty, miserable bastard. I am a killer and I am cruel. But I should not be your greatest nightmare, Longbottom. I know about your Boggart. You should hope to everything that any Gryffindor holds sacred that I am no longer your Boggart. If I am, there is no hope for you." Severus paused. Neville's eyes were large, but he was attempting to hold his fear in check, and he still held the crock of dirt in front of him.

"What's in the urn, Longbottom? The remains of one of your dearly beloved?" Severus asked with a sneer.

Neville shook his head. "Charmed earth from a river delta in Africa," he replied seriously. He glanced down at the crock. "I hope I haven't damaged it. It's for a project for Professor Sprout."

Snape stared. "You have a toad, do you not?"

Neville nodded.

"What was that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Fond of the amphibian?"

"He's my pet. I've had him for years," Neville said softly.

"Do you remember disembowelling horned toads for me, Longbottom?" Severus asked.

Neville nodded. "Yes, sir," he added when Snape stared at him, awaiting a verbal response.

Severus smirked. "At the time, I found it amusing. Very amusing." He detected no change in Neville's expression at that admission. "I am not a nice man, but I should not be your Boggart. There are far worse things that you will confront. Remember those lizards, Longbottom. Disembowelling them may have served my amusement and your torment, but you must remember them. If you can disembowel horned toads, you can do worse. Do what you must. One of my students told me of a rumour that something will happen here at Hogwarts. I do not put credence in rumours and I do not spread them, but if something happens, remember the toads and do what you must. Do not be a victim, Longbottom."

A small muscle beneath Neville's right eye had begun to twitch and his grip on the crock had tightened.

Severus waved his wand and in one sweep, he lifted the wards. "Get out. And if you tell anyone what I have said, you may discover new reasons to fear me."

Neville nodded, picked up his bag, and scuttled toward the door, his pot of earth hugged to his chest. At the door he paused, one hand on the door knob. He turned very slowly, he looked at Snape, and his expression changed, passing from nervous apprehension to puzzlement to dawning realisation.

"Thank you, sir," he whispered, then before Snape could reply, he was out the door, pulling it to but not latching it in his haste, and Severus heard Neville's hurried footsteps fade as he rushed to leave the dungeons behind.

---

Severus was thankful when Minerva declared an end to the meeting. She asked Arthur, Shacklebolt, Lupin, and Tonks to remain for a few minutes. Severus pushed away from the table, his cup of tea, untouched, sloshing into its saucer. He looked at no one as he turned to leave the kitchen, but he was aware that Hermione was watching him as she stood and that Moody was lingering, hoping, no doubt, to be invited to remain and hear what was being shared with the other four. Severus had very deliberately avoided looking at the old Auror throughout the meeting, even when Moody spoke. He was nothing. He was a void, unworthy of his attention. Severus heard and stored away every word Moody said, but wore an expression of supreme boredom, as though he were asleep with his eyes open.

Severus had agreed to wait in the library for Minerva and Crouch. Hermione would be Apparating back with them, and he anticipated that she would wait with him. Before the meeting, they had spoken with Potter, Weasley, and Lovegood, and they had agreed to vacate Grimmauld Place on Sunday. All three had attended the full Order meeting. Lovegood's eyes were reddened from crying, but she appeared otherwise composed and said nothing. Of the three, only Harry spoke, though he declined to answer any questions from anyone on any topic. He had cooperated with Minerva earlier, though, and that was sufficient for Severus's satisfaction.

Severus entered the library and closed the door behind him. He did not wish to see anyone else. He wanted to return to Hogwarts and sleep. He hadn't dared risk another dose of Invigilatus before the meeting, and he felt shaky and tired.

He sat down in a wingback chair and waited for Hermione, trying to keep his eyes open. His start when the door opened indicated to him that he had begun to fall asleep despite himself. On seeing who entered, he did nothing but look away, a clear sign of his fatigue. The door closed.

"Snape."

"Potter."

"You look like shit."

"Imaginative vocabulary, Potter. If you are looking for Miss Granger, she is not here. I do not know where she is, but if you find her, remind her that she must not keep the Headmistress waiting."

"I sent her to talk to Ron and Luna." Harry sat down on the couch.

"What do you want?"

"To thank you for looking after Kreacher." Minerva had told him that Severus had brought the house-elf back safely, taken him to his rooms, and dosed him with potions. Severus would have preferred that she had simply said that he had returned the house-elf to Hogwarts.

Severus shrugged.

"I saw you," Harry said softly. "Last weekend. Friday night. What he did to you. When I woke up, I did not know whether you were alive or dead."

"Sorry if you were disappointed, Potter."

"You keep going back."

"Brilliant observation," Severus said with a sneer.

Harry looked at his shoes a moment, then he looked up at Severus, examining his face as if he had never seen it before and never was anything so fascinating.

Severus was uncomfortable. "What is it?"

"Never thought I'd say this, but . . ." Harry seemed to bite his lower lip, and he held himself stiffly, as though he didn't dare even breathe, then he said softly, "If you can do that, I can do what I have to do. I've been . . . afraid. I haven't told anyone. Not afraid of what would happen to me in the end, but afraid that I couldn't go through with it. I think I know . . . Do you know I . . . I don't know how I can be the one to survive, but I can't allow us both to live, I figured out that much, and he must be defeated. That's why I hoped the legend of the Hallows was true, that they might help me survive. But I've been thinking all week about you, Snape, about you and your bravery. If you can do that, keep going back, I will find the courage, too."

Severus nodded. "I have no doubt of that. You always act when you believe it necessary. It is your greatest weakness and your greatest strength."

Harry laughed. "Hermione told me you had said something like that to her about me, but I didn't believe her. She was in one of her 'Professor Snape, Harry!' moods."

"You are going to try to go after Lovegood, aren't you?" Severus asked.

"Professor McGonagall said that the Order would attempt something next week," Harry replied.

"You are not good at evasion, Potter. You should stick to outright lies." Severus frowned wearily. "If you do it, bring others with you...the three of you alone will achieve nothing but your premature deaths. And if you do defy McGonagall and Arthur Weasley's express wishes, you should do so on Sunday morning. Very early. Sometime after midnight but well before dawn."

"Are you saying we should do it?" Harry asked sceptically.

"No. Simply that if you are going to blunder in, I believe that would be the best time. If other events unfold as I believe they will, the Malfoy Manor will be only lightly guarded that night. Of course, getting through the wards will be difficult, if not impossible. They supposedly have wards that detect Muggle-borns, but they fool themselves." Severus snorted. "That is not possible. The only way to learn whether a witch or wizard is Muggle-born is to learn who their parents are. Idiots."

Harry nodded. "Not that we would do anything the Order disapproved of, but hypothetically, as Hermione might say, if someone did mount a rescue, would there be a better or a worse way to approach the house?"

"The front door. One person, possibly two, if you have enough, to the front door as the others approach from the garden at the rear," Severus said. "There is a large Muggle estate bordering Malfoy's to the south. A small group flying in on broomsticks...Disillusioned...could come from the south. You can fly in quite low from the front, but the wards in back extend much higher. Good brooms should be able to manage it, though. There are other trip wards at intervals and more at each entrance. I suggest that the two of you at the front...who will be accosted before they reach the door...act as though they have some reason for being there, although at that hour, no ruse will buy very much time, but they might be able to distract them for a few minutes from becoming aware that anyone is at the back of the house. And, hypothetically speaking, if anyone should attempt such a raid, they might wish to find old Ollivander, too. The poor wretch is being kept in a bedroom on the second floor, in the east wing, in marginally better circumstances than Lovegood, who is in a windowless room in the cellar. There is only one entrance to the cellar, so that will be the riskiest part. Do not get trapped down there or you will be joining Lovegood, and you will be killed. Don't get yourself killed, Potter. You need to be at Hogwarts at the end."

"If I get myself killed, does it matter where? Or when?"

"It does. You know that. You must confront him at the right time, and you must defeat him, as you say. And there is still the matter of Nagini. Trust the Headmistress's timing. I do not know her full plan, but I believe there is more than either of us know."

"You really do trust her. You do as she asks, whatever it is," Harry said with some wonder in his voice.

"As should you."

There were voices in the hall outside the door.

"Thanks, Snape...Professor Snape," Harry said with a cheeky grin.

"Mmph. You remind me too much of your father, Potter. Except for your eyes." A spasm crossed his face. "Just get out and leave me in peace."

The door opened and Moody came in. Severus stared at nothing.

"Good night, Professor."

Severus nodded. "Potter."

Harry left the door open behind him, but Moody closed it. Severus stared at nothing and tried to control his breathing, calm his heartbeat. The old coot might be mad, but not mad enough to curse him right there at headquarters.

"Snape," Moody said, sitting down with a grunt at the other end of the couch from where Harry had sat. He began to rub his leg near the stump. "Gettin' old."

Severus sat and stared at nothing. He was alone in the library.

Moody took his eye out, spat on it, then rubbed it on his shirt. The door opened. Severus almost let out a sigh of relief.

"They're still not done in the kitchen?" Hermione asked.

"Evidently not, Miss Granger," Severus said.

"They should have me in there. Need the advice of an experienced Auror," Moody said. "I'll talk to Tonks after."

"Did you have a good visit with your friends, Miss Granger?" Severus asked solicitously, still ignoring Moody. "Please, have a seat."

Hermione looked slightly puzzled at his tone, but came around to sit in the armchair across from Severus.

"It was all right," Hermione said. "Luna is understandably distressed about her father."

"Understandably," Severus said with a sympathetic nod.

"I think we should go after him soon...tomorrow. No sense in waiting," Moody said.

"I hope that you were able to reassure her about his current condition," Severus said, ignoring Moody.

Hermione blinked. "Yes, er, I think you did that at the meeting." A peculiar expression crossed her face. She stared at Severus as though he suddenly had three heads, then she looked at Moody, and her lips parted, then her eyes widened, and she took in a sharp breath. "You," she whispered.

"Eh? What?" Moody said.

"Miss Granger, shall we go down and see whether the others are done meeting?" Severus said, standing.

She stared at him, then she shook her head slightly as though clearing her vision, but stood. "Yes, sir."

"They'll come for you when they're done," Moody said. "Shouldn't interrupt them."

For the first time that evening, Severus acknowledged Moody's presence. "Oh, Miss Granger and I are already fully briefed. In fact, they may have questions for us. Come, Miss Granger."

"Ah, Snape, I'd wanted a word," Moody said.

Severus looked at Hermione. "Wait for me in the hall."

She nodded. "Yes, sir." She looked back once when she opened the door, concern on her face, but her eyes met Severus's and she nodded once and closed the door quietly behind her.

Severus stood and waited for Moody to speak.

"Yes, Snape. About last week. It was, um, an error," Moody said gruffly.

"What was an error?" Severus asked, implacable.

"That spell I cast."

"Spell?"

"Curse, then. Won't happen again."

Severus swallowed and his jaw worked. He wanted to curse the man into oblivion, what he should have done to begin with. He should have told everyone in the Order that Moody had cursed him in the back when he was trying to save the child from burning to death in a fire, see who they thought the nasty, treacherous wizard was now.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Moody asked.

"An error. It was an error," Severus said, his eyes boring into Moody.

"I was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. I wouldn't do it again."

Severus felt as though he would choke, but then he heard a voice in his head, one with a mild Scottish burr, talking about forgiveness, apologies, starting fresh, leading a humane life. But he was not Gareth McGonagall. He was Severus Snape, and Severus Snape answered every injury with another of his own. He could not change who he was. A sharp pain seemed to cleave him in two. Time slowed as Moody raised his eyes to meet his.

"See that you don't," Severus said, his voice tight. He turned on his heel and left.

---

Minerva looked down at Severus with concern. When he hadn't reported to her after she saw him returning to the castle, she waited an hour, then sought him in his rooms. He hadn't responded to her repeated knocks, so she finally let herself in using her Headmistress's password. His Death Eater robe was in a bundle on the floor next to his front door, his cloak in a heap halfway across the sitting room, and one boot was just outside his bedroom door, which was ajar. Just inside the door, she avoided tripping over his other boot.

She could scarcely make out Severus's form on his bed. He had lit no lamps, and only faint light filtered through the curtains over his Charmed window. Minerva lit a wall lamp and crossed the room. Severus was staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.

"Severus," she said softly. "Severus . . ." She caressed his brow, but he did not move. "Severus, did he injure you?"

Minerva drew her wand and cast the few diagnostic spells she knew. No fever, his blood pressure was somewhat high, but not alarmingly so, and his pulse, at eighty, was faster than his normal resting heart rate. He didn't appear to have any swelling anywhere, and no broken bones. Perhaps there was neurological damage. She would have to call for Poppy, perhaps owl Melina.

"Severus, it's Minerva," she said. "I need to know if you were hurt."

Severus's eyes moved to meet hers, then he shook his head slightly and closed his eyes.

"I'll be right back," Minerva said.

A moment later, she returned and put one arm under him and raised his shoulders, then pulled another pillow under his head.

"I brought you something to drink, just some cool water," Minerva said gently. "Here, now, sit up a bit and drink."

When Severus did not respond, she sat and put her arm around him, raising him into a sitting position.

"Drink, Severus."

She held the glass of water to his lips and he drank, though some of the water simply spilled and ran down his chin. Still, he drank, and when she put the glass down on his night stand, he lay back down and rolled slightly away from her, tears in his eyes.

"Severus, what happened?"

"I did as we planned. It went as expected. The Dark Lord was pleased. The attack on Azkaban will take place early tomorrow morning," Severus said, his voice flat and slightly hoarse.

"And you?"

"I am tired. Leave me."

"Did he curse you? Punish you in anyway?"

Severus shook his head. "Go."

"Severus, your report is incomplete," Minerva said.

"It is as complete as required," Severus whispered. "You know all that is necessary."

"No, I don't. I don't know why you are in this state," Minerva replied.

Severus said nothing, merely turning further away from her, his eyes closed, a few tears on his cheeks.

Minerva moved over to the other side of the bed, knelt next to him, and caressed his face, combing some of his hair back.

"Severus, tell me," she whispered. "Tell me what happened. Did he have you test the potion?"

Severus squeezed his eyes more tightly closed and nodded once, seeming to hold his breath.

"Tell me what happened, please," Minerva said.

He shook his head. "I can't," he said hoarsely. "I can't." If he did, he knew that he would never be able to continue. He had to defeat it, beat it into submission, cordon it away with all of the other memories that didn't bear remembering. And right then, all he wanted was to take a double dose of Dreamless Sleep and not think.

"Should I call Poppy?" Minerva asked.

"No," he whispered. "Just go."

Minerva touched his cheek gently once more, then she stood.

"I will be back in a few minutes," Minerva said.

She went into the sitting room, lit a fire, and tossed some Floo Powder into the grate, then called through to her office. Robbie was not there, so she called through to the Hospital Wing. Fortunately, Poppy was in the infirmary.

"Poppy, I need you to find Robbie and have him meet me in Severus's rooms. It's urgent."

Poppy nodded. "I'll find him...do you need me?"

"Not at the moment."

Minerva returned to Severus's bedroom. "I've called for Robbie."

Severus did not respond. Minerva walked over and looked at the potions bottle on his bedside table. It was unlabeled. She uncorked it and waved her hand over it, wafting some of the vapours toward her. She still didn't know what it was. She spilled a little out onto one finger. Coppery. Not Dreamless Sleep or any other sleeping potion she knew of, but she still didn't recognise it.

"What's this potion, Severus? Have you taken any?" Minerva asked, wondering if that could account for his state.

"Invigilatus."

Well, he clearly hadn't taken any recently, although the elevated blood pressure and pulse might be a result of having taken some earlier in the day. She heard a knock at the door and hurried out to the sitting room.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered as soon as the door was closed. "Severus is back, but he isn't speaking. He would only tell me that Riddle was pleased, the attack on Azkaban will be early tomorrow morning, and that he had to test the potion. Can you talk to him?"

Robbie shook his head. "If he won't speak to you, he won't speak to me." He looked at her a moment, then said, "Have him show you the memory. You aren't a Legilimens, but bring him the Pensieve, have him restore his previous memories and put the one from this afternoon in it. If he cannot talk to you, he can show you. He will do that."

Minerva told Severus that she would be back, and a half hour later, she returned, Levitating the Pensieve in front of her. She cleared his night stand, sending its few objects over to the dresser, and set the Pensieve down on it.

Severus sat up. "My watch." He reached for the bedside table.

"I put it on your dresser," Minerva said.

Severus frowned and Summoned the watch, catching it in his right hand.

"The memories you deposited a few days ago are still in here. You need to restore them."

Severus drew his wand, swirled it in the Pensieve and drew out a cluster of memories, then held his wand to his head and they flowed back in. He repeated the process three more times, then he lay back down, his wand held loosely in his right hand, his watch, tightly in his left.

"One more thing, Severus," Minerva said, "I want to see your memory of your meeting this afternoon."

"No, you don't," Severus said.

"I do. Please put it in the Pensieve."

An expression of pain flickered across his face, but Severus sat up, raised his wand to his head, closed his eyes, and drew out a long silvery strand of memory, then let it run into the Pensieve. He stood.

"I am going to shower," Severus said. He started toward the bathroom, then stopped and looked back at Minerva. "You should reconsider viewing the memory, Minerva."

When he had disappeared into his bathroom, Minerva dipped into the Pensieve. The memory proceeded much as she had expected it to, unpleasant, but dull. The toe-rag required the usual grovelling, he pontificated a bit, asked Severus about the potion, and Severus explained that it was a two-part potion, lethal when mixed in a four-to-one ratio, but otherwise completely harmless and inert twenty minutes after it was mixed, and that it would become useless if mixed with alcohol. Severus told him everything but the fact that it would take a Potions master, or at least someone very good with potions, to properly combine the two components.

Voldemort seemed pleased, but sceptical. As expected, he told Severus he needed to see that it worked. He beckoned to an older Death Eater who was standing by the door...Minerva thought he looked vaguely familiar, but she didn't recognise him. None of the Death Eaters, including Severus, were wearing masks. The older Death Eater opened the door and nodded.

A young blond wizard, bound by wide, black bonds, stumbled into the room, Bellatrix Lestrange following him. The wizard fell to the floor, face down.

"Have you enjoyed playing with your toy?" Riddle asked Bella as she came to stand beside him. "I am afraid we will have to find you a new one."

"He was becoming boring, my Lord," Bella said. She licked her lips and looked over at Severus, a hungry expression on her face. "Are we going to have fun with him now?"

"Severus has brought us the potion for tomorrow morning. We will see whether it is adequate to our purpose," Voldemort said, his voice sending shivers down Minerva's spine. Voldemort looked at Severus. "If not . . . we will see what other entertainment you might enjoy."

At Voldemort's nod, Severus called for a glass of water. The older Death Eater stepped out of the room and returned with it a moment later. Severus carefully measured the two potions and mixed them together in a small jar he had brought for the purpose. Less than a teaspoon it looked to be. He poured it into the water, then bowed to Voldemort.

"When you are ready, my lord," Severus said.

Bella went over and kicked the prone wizard. "Get up, you sack of Thestral crap." She kicked him again, and the wizard tried to get to his knees. She pointed her wand at him and cast the Cruciatus, causing the young man to fall to the floor again, writhing in agony. "Get up!" she shouted.

"My lord, in the interests of not wasting the potion and having to mix more, may I suggest speeding this along by removing the bonds?" Severus suggested obsequiously.

Voldemort slashed a finger through the air, and the bonds disappeared. He flicked his finger again, and the wizard was raised to his feet. He swayed, but remained upright. Minerva gasped. Terence Higgs. He had been the Slytherin Seeker. He left school only a few years before. The young wizard's eyes were swollen and his face was discoloured, but his identity was clear.

"This wizard has changed his mind, Severus. Decided he wanted to leave the country. We believe he was planning a holiday in Greece. As if we could not find him there," Voldemort said scornfully. "You may still be useful to us. One last use." Voldemort turned to Severus. "Give him the potion."

Minerva could see Severus looking into the young man's eyes, and she could see the fear on Terence's face. Severus was expressionless. He held out the glass of water.

"Drink!" Severus commanded.

Terence raised a shaking hand, but then dropped it and tried to step back.

"Drink!" Severus said once more.

When the young wizard made no move to take the glass, Severus said, "Drink the water!"

Tears ran down Terence's face, and his mouth silently formed the word, "Please."

Severus stared at the Slytherin, and Voldemort slashed his wand through the air. The boy's mouth was now open, and his head back.

"Just pour it down his throat," Voldemort said. "This is becoming dull."

Severus stepped forward and, without touching the younger wizard, poured the water into his open mouth. Terence's eyes widened momentarily, then he seemed to go slack. Voldemort released whatever spell was keeping the boy upright, and Terence collapsed in a heap. Bella stepped up, cast a spell, and shrugged.

"He's dead." She looked disappointed, probably because he hadn't died writhing in agony.

Minerva scarcely paid attention to the rest of the meeting. Terence's corpse lay on the floor the entire time. Severus nodded and spoke at the right times, Voldemort dismissed him, telling him he had done a fine job and that he expected the same in the future, and as Severus crossed the room to leave, passing the young Slytherin's corpse, the memory ended.

Minerva sat on the edge of the bed. She tried to imagine what she would feel if she were told to poison any of her former students, and she couldn't. It was one thing to know that in a battle, she might have to defend herself against students she had taught, and possibly injure or kill them, and quite another to think of having to poison one, one still so young, brought bound, helpless, and terrified before her, and pouring poison down his throat.

Severus came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a long dressing gown, his hair damp with Shed-Stop Potion.

"You viewed the memory," he stated.

"Yes."

"You can take it away with you."

"No, you need to restore it."

"The shadow of the memory is bad enough, the intellectual knowledge of it . . ." Severus looked at her angrily, took out his wand, drew the memory from the Pensieve, and allowed it to flow back into his head, gritting his teeth as it did so. "Now get out."

"Severus, let me help."

"I am going to bed." He walked over to his wardrobe and pulled out a nightshirt.

"It's only five-thirty in the afternoon," Minerva said.

"And I am going to bed."

Minerva sighed. He hadn't been getting enough sleep...neither had she.

"Call for dinner later, Severus. You need to eat."

Severus said nothing. His back to her, but as though she wasn't even in the room, he took off his dressing gown and tossed it on the chair beside the wardrobe then pulled on the nightshirt. Minerva took the hint, picked up the Pensieve, and left.

She stopped at the door. "I'll be back in a few hours to check on you, Severus."

He said nothing. He was already on the bed, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Minerva hesitated a moment, but not knowing what to say, she left him alone, though her heart clenched thinking of how very alone Severus was and how much pain he bore.