As Night Falls

Disclaimer: The characters have never been mine.

AN: I am so sorry about the wait, but believe me, it is way better for it! Belgian chocolate truffles to my betas and brit-picker. Thank you, dolls!

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Chapter 10: As Night Falls

Hermione made her way down to the dungeons, figuring she should have the details before talking with Remus. He was under enough stress without being thrown back and forth with her decisions. If Snape couldn't respect her, then the issue became moot.

She started off resolutely enough, but could feel her courage waning with each step down into the dungeons. It seemed as though the increasing chill of the dungeon drained a little more of her willpower with each step until she reached the foot of the stairs, shivering with dread. The short walk from the stair base to Snape's office door was one of the longest in her life. No matter how badly that first conversation had gone, this one could be ten times worse. For this one, she had to give him the advantage of knowledge. She had to reveal her feelings. She shivered again.

Knees shaking, she stood in front of his office door for a minute, trying to regain her composure. She raised her hand to knock and noticed it was blue from the chill. That trivial detail reassured her that her nerves were, in fact, fine; she was shaking from the cold more than anything. She hoped. She would know for sure when she was face to face with him.

None too gently, she knocked on his door, making sure her back was straight and her head was held high. She remained that way for a full minute while waiting for him to open the door before knocking again, slightly harder. After another minute of standing there in the empty corridor, she let her shoulders slump from the anticlimax.

He wasn't in.

Grunting in frustration, she looked into the classroom to see if he was lurking in there, but it was dark and empty. The dungeons were devoid of any sign of life.

Swallowing her relief, she bit her lower lip and debated what to do next. She really didn't want to speak with Remus before clearing the air with Severus, but if Severus wasn't in the dungeons, where might he be? The staff room, of course!

She turned and headed up the stairs with more determination than spirit, hoping she wasn't embarking on a wild goose chase.

Half an hour later, she left the staff room with mixed feelings. On the one hand, Snape wasn't there, meaning she still had to decide whether to give up or not. On the other hand, Snape wasn't there, so she still could give up. Maybe it was a sign, an omen that she shouldn't ignore. She snorted at the thought, figuring it was all a matter of timing, nothing else.

Looking absently around her, she quickly compiled a list of likely Snape hideouts. Besides his private chambers (the bat cave?), there weren't many likely places, and she refused to confront him on his personal ground. Doing so would be foolish at best, dangerous at worst. The only other place she could think of was the library.

Smirking, she thought it would be poetic justice indeed if he were there, as it was the last place she would look. She would talk to Remus after the library, Snape or no Snape. Maybe the library would radiate its hidden knowledge, and she would come up with an idea of what to say...

The library had more students than usual, mostly fifth and seventh years who were starting to think about their upcoming exams. Most of the tables were taken, and as she maneuvered around the aisles, she noticed that even the restricted section's cubbyholes were occupied. Justin and Hannah waved to her from one table, and further down the stacks, Blaise acknowledged her with a nod, but after thirty minutes, she left the library without finding the man she sought.

Sighing in resignation, she made her way out of the library and headed for Remus' quarters. As she walked, she contemplated what she could say.

Remus, we have to talk.

No, already that was wrong. She hated when people said that. Not only was it a cliché, but nine times out of ten the people were already involved in a conversation when those words were used, making the phrase redundant. Besides, why would she be visiting Remus if it weren't to talk? She blushed, realizing he was her fiancé, and most engaged couples did not spend their time talking. Ah, well.

Sorry, Remus, I know that the wedding's been announced, but I'm having second thoughts. I now believe that Severus does love me, even though I haven't talked with him to confirm it, but on the off chance that he does, I want to hold off on our engagement, because, you know, being married to a git like him is better than being in a loveless marriage with a werewolf.

No, that would not do either.

Remus, I've been having second thoughts.

Better.

When I chose you, I truly believed that Severus didn't love me, that he was only using me for his own diversion. Today, well, today he...

She paused, stumbling for the right words. Once again she had reached Remus' corridor while lost in thought. She wasn't ready to face him, though. She still hadn't figured out what to say or how to say it. She looked around for inspiration and noticed the walls lined with golden pink stripes from the sun shining through the arrow slits. She walked over and gasped as she looked out on the sun-bathed grounds.

The sky was alive with a majestic sunset, mare's tails streaking fuchsia across the fiery sky. The hills were transformed into living objects almost breathing with the energy of the sun as they glowed, backlit, warm red and orange, while the forest was deep green velvet, tipped in gold. As the sun dipped lower into the horizon, the clouds shook off their silver linings and donned gold for a few glorious seconds.

The sun had almost set when Hermione finally found the right words and turned to knock on Lupin's door. The door clicked open on her first knock, revealing a sliver of the dark room beyond. She opened the door a bit more and entered cautiously.

"Remus? Are you here?" she called out. A feeling of unease was growing in her gut; the room was too dark for her to see anything. She jumped when the door snapped shut and disappeared behind her.

"Hermione?" A strangled voice called out from the corner, barely recognizable as Remus'. "G-g-..." The sound was choked off with a cry of pain. Hermione moved toward the voice automatically before realizing with a start that the moon was full and on the rise. She'd been so overwhelmed by the recent events that she had completely forgotten the moon's phase. A jolt of terror passed through her as she remembered the last time she had seen him transform. Before she could give in to her impulse to run away, however, she remembered the Wolfsbane Potion. Dumbledore wouldn't allow an unsafe werewolf in Hogwarts.

Taking a fortifying breath, she took a step closer to the dark corner. If Snape refused her, she would be witnessing the transformation every month for the rest of their life together, so she might as well get used to the process so she could better help him through it.

Her vision was slowly adjusting to the darkness, and she could finally make out a faint movement of dark on dark in the corner. She started walking in that direction, but stopped cold when she heard a growl. Every hair standing on end, she forced herself to look into the darkness toward her betrothed. Straining to see, she latched onto two dim yellow orbs, which were watching her intently. She shivered involuntarily, not liking the wildness in the gaze, but stood her ground until Lupin stepped forward into the dim light, snarling at her.

Only then did she realize her mistake. Snippets of that conversation with Snape flashed through her mind, and she knew that Remus had taken an experimental potion. He wasn't tame tonight. He was a full-blown monster, and she had become easy prey by walking into his stony lair.

She backed up slowly, never taking her eyes off the animal. She fought every instinct to turn around and run for safety, but a long time ago she had read that when confronted with a wild predator the worst thing a person could do was run away. Running ignited their natural hunting instincts. But then, most wild animals were afraid of humans. A werewolf's main prey was man. She hit the wall, and her incremental retreat stopped.

She wanted to head for the door, but some inner voice told her not to break eye contact with the beast. She chewed on her lower lip unconsciously while trying to remember where the door was. She started moving to the left when a thought struck her painfully: if she tried to escape, but failed to get the door shut behind her, she would be unleashing a terror onto the school. She couldn't let that happen. It was better that only one immensely stupid person died, rather than dozens of innocents.

Then, she remembered that there was no door to head towards. Remus had said something about this wing being a haven or a prison, and Hermione could now see which one it was for him. She idly wondered whether the door was charmed to disappear at sunset every night or just at the full moon. She then wondered if the door disappeared on both sides or just from the inside.

Swallowing every instinct, she stood still and watched the wolf. Trying to remain calm, she found herself comparing reality to her dream. Reality, she decided, was much, much scarier. She whimpered as he walked under a lone candle floating overhead, and she saw the taut muscles flexing and extending under his matted fur. Neither looked away from the other, and even though she had resigned herself to death, she let out an involuntary shriek when he crouched to spring.

Suddenly, the door flew open, distracting both of them. Working on instinct alone, Hermione broke eye contact and sprinted toward the opening before her, hope pushing her forward. She was closer to the door than Lupin was, and maybe the distraction gave her enough of a time advantage.

She felt the energy of the beast behind her as he leapt forward. She was only a few feet from the door when she was enveloped in a swirl of spicy darkness. Before she could even breathe, she was thrown harshly into the hallway. She half stumbled, half fell, and watched as the door to Lupin's quarters was slammed shut by Severus Snape.

Without even glancing at her, he waved his wand at the door, invoking a powerful ward. He stepped back when a blood-curdling howl of frustration escaped the door's protection, then cast a Silencing Charm as well. Panting slightly, he turned around to face Hermione.

"Stupid girl!" he yelled. Hermione had never seen him so angry before. His face was devoid of any color, his lips were tight and drawn back, making it seem like he was baring his teeth at her. His arms were rigid at his sides, and his hands were balled into white fists. Green sparks emanated from his wand as he advanced on her in two giant strides.

"What the hell were you doing?" If anything, his voice had gotten louder, and he was now trembling with rage. If she hadn't been in shock already, Hermione would have cried in fear. As it was, she cowered, not bothering to search for her voice.

"I suppose you came down here for an evening tryst with your fiancé, forgetting, in your childish enthusiasm, what phase the moon was in before rushing into his arms. If I hadn't been here to ward the door, or worse, hadn't heard you scream and had warded you in with him, you would be dying a most excruciating death right now! What on earth possessed you to be so stupid, girl?" He stood over her, crossed his arms and glared for half a minute.

Hermione looked up at him.. Her eyes were wide and glassy, and though she tried, she couldn't seem to focus. The detached part of her mind was commenting coolly on the situation, telling her she was in shock, but she was, in fact, still alive. She was only vaguely aware of anything, until Snape extended his hand to her.

As she took his hand, reality came rushing back. She started shaking madly, and her stomach roiled from the excess adrenaline. Stepping back to lean against the wall, she brushed a piece of hair away from her face, noting absently that her cheek was wet. She closed her eyes and concentrated on calming her breathing, forcing herself to slow down, to regain control. Unable, or unwilling, to open her eyes, she instead opened her mouth and spoke.

"I'm sorry, sir." Her voice was barely audible, but words started flowing freely. "I honestly forgot it was the full moon. When I saw him transform, I assumed he had taken the potion and would be safe. By the time I realized that wasn't the case, it was too late. The door was shut, and even if I had reached the door, opening it would have risked releasing him into the school." She stopped, opened her eyes, and looked up at him. He was still very angry. "Thank you, sir. I had given up hope."

"I would have thought you of all people would know better than to make such a childish assumption."

It might have been the shock, it might have been the adrenaline, but whatever it was, something in Hermione snapped, and her temper flared full force.

"Just because I made a mistake does not make me a child!" she yelled. "But then, it's not like I have other things to think about, no. I imagine to you all my concerns are petty and childish, not worth your time of day. However, I'm finding the current events taxing enough to distract me from trivial details like Astronomy."

"Trivial details, indeed! In case you aren't aware, those trivial details are crucial when marrying a werewolf, or was this just a trifling experience to you? Gryffindor bravery will get you killed if you aren't careful, my dear."

"Yes, well, that's why I was here in the first place, you git. I was having second thoughts about this arrangement." She pushed off the wall and advanced on him. "And for heaven's sake, stop impugning Gryffindors all the time! If you had more Gryffindor bravery, I wouldn't be here in the first place."

He sneered at her unattractively and raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

"Because if you weren't such a bloody coward, I would be marrying YOU!"

Her words echoed down the corridor for a split second before Snape closed the gap between them. Without warning he dove down and possessed her mouth with his, holding her face with his hands, and pressing his body against hers. He forced her up against the wall, refusing to release her mouth until she was pinned between the stone and his body. He then removed his lips from hers and nipped his way down her neck in a way that made Hermione shiver in delight.

His hands released her face and snaked down her body, caressing every curve possessively. When he reached her breast he cupped it with one hand and kneaded it softly, working his way toward her nipple. When he reached it, he played with it teasingly, causing Hermione to close her eyes and groan, reluctantly giving up her indignation for the passion he was inciting. She started kissing him back, unaware of anything beyond his desire. His energy was invading her, and as he reclaimed her mouth, she was so overwhelmed by the sensations that she couldn't think anymore. Her body took control, forcing her to tilt her hips to meet his.

Somewhere, deep inside, she knew it was wrong, but his force was intoxicating, overwhelming all better sense. Her hands found their way around his back, hugging him to her more tightly. When he took his hand away from her breast, she moaned in protest until she felt him snake his way through her robes, touching her bare skin with his bony hands. Any inner protest she had was obscured under the electrical storm of her nerve endings coming to life. She didn't offer any resistance to his deft movements, which quickly left her disrobed.

The air felt cold on her skin when he stopped kissing her and withdrew slightly, causing her nipples to harden before he ducked down and took one in his mouth. The sensation was so intense she yelped and arched her back, forcing the areola further into his mouth.

His hand trailed down her torso so lightly it was almost tickling her. Her skin was so alert to his touch she could feel the tingles all the way to her core well before he reached it with his fingertips. When he did touch her, she jumped, completely unprepared for the jolt of energy it inspired. She had stopped thinking long before, but that jolt reawakened a part of her mind that started screaming at her to stop.

As he explored her, she started whimpering. She didn't want the feeling to end, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it was all wrong somehow. Something wasn't right about the situation, but she was so overwhelmed by the passion raging through them that she couldn't think properly.

"Severus," she panted into his ear, trying to get his attention. He moaned in response and moved up to kiss her, taking her breath away as he ravaged her mouth with his tongue. She felt his hands disappear from her body and fumble with something around her belly. When she felt his flesh against hers, her eyes snapped open in alarm, knowing without a doubt where they were headed. It was then it hit her: Remus. Engagement.

Betrayal.

She wrenched her head to break away from the kiss, but he just continued to kiss her neck and position himself against her.

"Severus, stop," she panted. Her panic level was rising along with a bit of bile. She felt out of control, as helpless as she had that morning. She summoned up all her remaining will and forced her body to become rigid.

It only took a moment before he looked up at her, a question in his dilated eyes.

"Stop," she said softly, hoping he would listen to her plea now that she had his attention.

He withdrew instantaneously, a look of horror pasted on his face. She quickly drew her robe around her, covering her bare torso protectively.

"You were... I... Oh gods," he said, stumbling over his words as he looked at her in dismay.

Hermione took a shuddering breath and released it before she lifted her hand to stop his stuttering.

"Severus, I just... It felt wrong somehow." She continued her explanation, though noting him bristle slightly at the implication. "It felt like I was betraying Remus. I... you... we were moving too fast for me to even think about what we were doing, and what you were doing to me felt so good it overwhelmed my better judgment."

The dismay had receded from his face, replaced by a hard sneer.

"It's easy to be overwhelmed when you're new to an experience." The words were almost kind, but his tone was pure virulence. He was obviously not taking her rejection well. "Did Weasley never give you satisfaction?" He continued, "The werewolf doesn't offer the same thrills when he paws at you?"

Hermione bristled at Snape's tone, yet tried to control herself. She tried to see beyond his bitter words, but failed when he continued to attack.

"And what has the werewolf done lately to deserve your loyalty? I'm the one who saved you tonight from his clutches. Do I not deserve some loyalty?"

Hermione was repulsed by his sentiment and couldn't stop herself expressing it.

"Serving under Voldemort has left you with a really horrid sense of the word loyalty, Professor. Remus deserves my loyalty because he's been kind, honest and respectful to me, which is a hell of a lot more than you've been."

"Ha!" Snape exclaimed, devoid of any humor. "He's been honest with you, has he? Are you naive, girl, or just stupid?"

"He's been completely honest with me. No hiding behind masks. No giving half-truths for explanations. No shield of anger to protect himself. He's been open with me in a way that you seem to be incapable of. Unlike you, he's told me how he feels with no expectations or manipulations. Neither of us is exactly happy with this situation, but we at least can discuss it like adults without resorting to mind games or insults."

"Was he honest with you during your little interview or after your eavesdropping experience? There's a difference between giving information out freely and getting it by force."

"He volunteered it! I didn't know it was discussed that night until right now. And that's the good thing about Remus: he gave me the information I needed, freely and of his own will. He didn't barter for power, nor did he willfully omit information that could have seriously hurt me. That alone makes him honorable and worthy of my respect and loyalty!"

A muscle in Snape's eye twitched, but otherwise his face was a cool mask of indifference.

"Yes, the noble Gryffindor is obviously most deserving of your loyalty and affection. That's why you came here with second thoughts?"

"I... you're twisting my words to suit your cause, but it's not going to work. I can't believe I thought for a moment that you might be a better choice than Remus!" She tossed her hands up in the air in a gesture of frustration, ignoring Snape's startle.

"What the hell are you talking about, Miss Granger?"

"Your letter and the fact that a kiss and a grope, no matter how good, is never going to change the fact that you're an utter and complete bastard who delights in making me miserable!"

"What in my letter could possibly have inspired such inanity?"

She laughed bitterly. "Your letter made it seem as though you wanted to make amends. I mistakenly believed you might have my best interests at heart. Ha!"

"I've saved you haven't I? It seems as though I've been doing that quite frequently, doesn't it?" Snape hissed out through gritted teeth.

"All hail the conquering hero, your worshipfulness!" Hermione said in a falsely sweet voice while making a show of a fake bow. "You have my everlasting gratitude, and you'd have my undying love," she dropped all pretense here, "if you weren't such a complete arse!"

He advanced on her, swelling with rage. "I don't care how slighted you feel you are; when speaking to me, you WILL show me the respect I deserve!"

"Oh? And how much respect do you deserve?"

"I am your teacher and as such -" He broke off, interrupted by her harsh laugh.

"I think we stepped way beyond that particular boundary tonight, don't you?" He stopped with a frozen look, though he still radiated anger.

"Do you want to know the really stupid bit?" Hermione continued, taking advantage of Snape's silence. "I was actually trying to find you today to see if you cared to be my husband and savior. I looked everywhere for you to ask one simple question to determine whether I could ever love you. But I see now you weren't worth the time and energy." Her anger had all but disappeared, leaving behind a mixture of resentment and pity.

"Why on Earth...?" Severus asked rhetorically. He had been momentarily stunned out of his sneer.

"I thought I saw the man behind the bitterness and thought you wanted a chance at happiness." She looked at him with sad eyes, trying to penetrate the mask. Softly, she added, "I can't imagine living without love as you do. It must be horrible."

She realized as soon as the words left her mouth that pity was not Severus' favorite emotion. He lunged forward, grabbed her arms and slammed her against the wall with a fierce growl, fury radiating from him.

"I will not be pitied, Miss Granger, most certainly not by a little upstart like you. You don't have any idea what motivates me, or what makes me happy, so don't even try to assume so."

Before that night, Snape's action would have terrified her almost beyond reason, but not any more. She had been through too much. Instead she looked him in the eyes and saw the emotion hiding beneath the anger. She saw the pain of worthlessness and betrayal, and surrounding all, the hurricane of fear. She saw him as a real man for the first time in her life and knew he was a hopeless cause.

He was so wrapped up in his own tortured world that he would always be pushing her away. Even if she could learn to love him, living with him as he was would be untenable for her. Nothing she could do or say would bring him out of his cell, and forcing the issue would only destroy her.

"No, I don't know you or your motivations." she calmly responded. "But you've just proven my point, Severus. Remus deserves my loyalty because he wants it and works to deserve it. He might not be my Romeo, but he at least offers me friendship. He offers me himself, warts and all, without having to lash out. At least he wants to give me his heart, even if he can't."

She continued looking Severus in the eye and watched him process her meaning. She didn't need Legilimency to see the conflict raging in him. Suddenly the conflict stopped, or else he covered it, as his face became a blank mask once again. He released Hermione and stepped back, a grave indifference about him.

"If that is your decision, I wish you luck, Mrs. Lupin. You will need it." He turned to go, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand as if it were an insect to be swatted, then at her face, barely concealing his bitterness.

"I never expected a bold statement of love from you. However, you've done nothing to recommend yourself, and I can see now that you aren't likely to change," she said softly, trying for the last time to explain.

Snape just looked at her, and with a trace of a sneer, said, "You assume too much." He then walked off down the hall leaving her alone with her regrets.