Questions and Revelations

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Chapter 4: Questions and Revelations

When Hermione arrived at the Great Hall after putting her papers away, she found dinner was already well under way. She made her way over to where Harry and Ginny sat.

"Hey Hermione, how're the interviews going?" Ginny asked as Harry acknowledged her between large bites of food.

"Relatively well." She didn't really want to talk about it, so she tried to change the subject. "What's with him?" she asked, indicating Harry's fervor with the food.

Ginny blushed. "Oh, um, he worked really hard at practice today."

Hermione smirked, but decided not to push the subject, though it would have been fun to see if Ginny's face could match her hair. Instead, she politely allowed Ginny to turn the topic back onto her problem.

"So, did you find a soul mate in George?" Ginny teased good-naturedly.

"Yes, but we decided marriage might hurt our relationship as siblings." She smiled and rolled her eyes at Ginny. "Seriously, though, we decided it's probably better for all concerned if we maintain a more fraternal relationship. It was very sweet of him to be willing to 'save' me like that, though. I hope your mum won't go ballistic that I rejected her son."

Ginny laughed. "No, or at least if she does, we'll all set her right on that count." She giggled a little more, imagining her mum's reaction, but then grew somber.

"So did you find anyone suitable?"

"Um, yeah. Remus was really quite acceptable. I have to think it over, of course, seeing as his lycanthropy will make life difficult, but I think we have a really good shot at being happy together." Hermione smiled dreamily as she remembered their kiss.

Harry decided that was a good time to join the conversation, having finished inhaling his food. "So, since you're alive and well, I assume Snape didn't show."

"Funny you should ask. He did show up. He was even almost civil. And the most astonishing part is that he allowed me to question him, but only to satisfy his curiosity, you know." She scowled as she thought about the test results. Could it be that test was flawed, or was Snape perhaps playing with her, trying to bring her down another notch?

"The really funny thing," she added in a voice devoid of humor, "was that he scored higher than Remus did for compatibility."

Ginny started choking on her pumpkin juice, and Harry patted her on the back, that shrewd look back in place.

"I'm not really surprised," he said after Ginny started breathing again.

Hermione nearly sprayed her friends with her juice. "You aren't?"

"No. You're both smart, you both are really fastidious, and you're both perfectionists." Harry shrugged. "Probably if I knew more about him I could come up with more similarities."

Hermione looked slightly ill, but eyed Harry with a calculating expression.

"So are you saying I should pursue a man whom I don't like, and who hasn't shown me an ounce of kindness because we are vaguely similar and he had good test scores?"

"Hell no! I'm just saying I'm not surprised he scored high. No, I think Remus is a much... nicer choice for you."

"I notice you didn't say 'better.'"

Harry looked uncomfortable. "That's not for me to judge."

Hermione pursed her lips and continued looking at Harry sharply. Since when was he accepting of Snape?

"What do you know, Harry? What aren't you telling me? Why this sudden shift in perspective?"

"I'm a married man now," Harry said hopefully. "I was bound to mature at some point?" Seeing her scowl deepen, he sighed and dropped the pretense.

"Look, I can't tell you anything except that I learned a little more about the man after the battle, and it made him a little more acceptable in my mind. He's still a bastard, but now I know there's more to him than just his sadistic tendencies."

Hermione looked at Harry a moment more before shrugging, accepting defeat. "Well, after the interview with him, I'd have to agree, but I still don't like him much."

"Who does?" Ginny added. She then grinned and asked, "So what tidbits of information did you gather on The Git?"

Hermione laughed at her friend. "Do you really think he would answer any question without having me sign an oath of secrecy?" she exaggerated. "That man is nothing if not paranoid!"

"I think that's pretty reasonable though, considering his role in the war, don't you?" Harry defended.

"Oh, I know he had good reason for it, and I suppose it's a hard habit to break. But I swear he thinks everyone is out to get him. I think he's convinced that he's seen as reprehensible and so that's how he acts. He hides behind his greasy hair and snarls if anyone gets too close for fear of them forming any sort of bond. You have to be able to cut ties quickly in his business. He's spent so much time and energy building up this image, but now that it's not needed, he's still stuck in the same frame of mind. Merlin forbid he actually learn how to change!"

Harry and Ginny had both paled as Hermione continued with her diatribe and stared at something three feet above her head. Looking around slowly, she saw the very angry figure of Professor Snape. He glared down and pierced her with his angry eyes. She tensed her shoulders reflexively, waiting for the ax to fall, but he just curled his lip in disdain and walked away.

Hermione, now also quite pale, turned back to face her friends. They all looked at each other, silently wondering why he hadn't lashed out.

XXX

As she made her way to the headmaster's office after dinner, Hermione tried to force her mind away from Snape. She needed to think about how her choice was going to affect Lupin's life. She didn't want to make his life harder than it already was, but at the same time, if she was honest with herself, what other choice did she have? Life otherwise looked too bleak.

She was pretty sure he would bear her presence amicably enough, even if she couldn't get over the feeling that he hadn't been completely honest with her after the official interview. She didn't know why she suspected him of not telling her the whole truth, but she couldn't shake the feeling. If he was lying, it was probably just to be nice, but it really didn't sit well. Would he gloss over the truth in every situation just to make her more comfortable?

He had been decidedly honest about his lycanthropy, though, which was a good sign. At least he would probably be honest when it really mattered.

Her mind drifted back to Snape. He hadn't been kind or comforting, but there was no denying he was honest. If he had actually been a contender, then... What? Hermione's mind flitted through thoughts and emotions associated with Snape - not many were pleasant.

She respected him for his work with the Order, but disliked him for his personality - or was that persona? He challenged her as a student in a way few teachers did, but he used intimidation as his main tool; she found that despicable. He was intelligent but fierce. She had assumed he was literally repulsive because he was unhappy, but what if that were his actual personality? She knew better than to expect a forty-year-old man to change.

But no matter where her thoughts drifted, they all arrived back at the key issue: whether or not he would suit her better than Remus, not only was he not a willing contender, but he didn't even like her. He made that clear time and time again. Why was she wasting her time and energy thinking about him when he wasn't even a realistic option?

She forcefully shoved him to the back of her mind and confined him there to pace restlessly, promptly ignoring any further pleas for attention. That done, she realized that she had been pacing in front of the stone gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office. It was eyeing her with a smirk that made her wonder whether she had been muttering to herself or not. She sighed, said, "string mints," and stepped onto the moving staircase.

XXX

"Are you sure about this, child?" Dumbledore asked her solemnly.

"As sure as I think I'll ever be." She sighed. "It's not like I have a better option available. Remus is kind, and he'll treat me with respect. He said he'd probably be happy with me, and I expect I will be happy with him." She was somewhat surprised that Dumbledore was reluctant about her choice. She figured he had personally selected all of the men she had interviewed.

"Besides, " she continued, "other than Professor Snape, no one else even came close to passing Remus for compatibility on my test. I know we're not soul mates or anything, but at least we're friends."

"Why aren't you considering Professor Snape, then?"

Hermione wanted to believe Dumbledore was joking, but his tone and face were both serious. "Well, besides the fact that I don't really like him, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me, he isn't a real option. He made it clear that he took the test out of curiosity and was not interested otherwise."

"Are you sure about that, Hermione? Severus is not always the most forthright of men."

She snickered at the understatement. "Based on all our conversations, I can't come to any other conclusion, sir." She paused to go through all of their interactions over the past twenty-four hours and nodded her head. "Do you, um... has he told you otherwise, sir?"

"No." Dumbledore shook his head slowly, looking at his steepled fingers. "I just want to make sure you've thought every option through. A lifetime commitment to a werewolf, even one as kind and honorable as Remus, is a recipe for a hard life, Hermione." He sighed. "But if you're sure about this, then let us proceed. I suppose we should start planning the wedding now." He observed her over his half-moon glasses as if looking for ideas.

"I suppose so, but I should probably tell Remus that I've made up my mind, sir."

"Yes, that would probably be the best course of action." Dumbledore looked out the window to view the bright moonlit sky. "I suppose we should plan for the wedding to take place on Sunday? Everything could be ready by then."

Hermione nodded silently in agreement lost in her own thoughts. She made her way to the door slowly, reexamining everything, yet again.

"Is there anything else you wish to discuss right now, child?" Dumbledore cut through her thoughts.

Before she could stop herself or ask herself why, she turned around and asked, "Does Professor Snape laugh often?"

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows in surprise, and his beard twitched. "No, I can't say that he does. I do know that he has a wonderful sense of humor, though. I believe it's one of the few things that has kept him sane all these years." Dumbledore looked at her curiously, silently asking why she asked.

"Right, well, I don't know why I asked, sir, but I do know that it's a shame he doesn't laugh or at least smile more often. He might be more likable if he did." She cringed inwardly at what she had said, and decided it was best to say goodnight before she could embarrass herself further.

What had come over her? Why had she asked about Professor Snape's laughing habits? He had made it abundantly clear that he did not enjoy her company and the thought of marrying her was his "worst nightmare." But then, why had he taken the time to answer her questions, even if he was just trying to satisfy his curiosity? Why was he curious about her thought process at all?

Why was she even thinking about Snape? She had chosen Lupin, and Snape wasn't even an option, end of discussion.

She needed to talk to Remus, tell him of her choice and make their engagement official. She walked briskly toward his quarters, trying to stifle thoughts of Snape.

XXX

Hermione slowed to a stop when she realized she was lost. She had been trying so hard to divert her thoughts from Snape that she hadn't paid attention to where she was going and found herself in a foreign corridor.

She looked around for any signs of familiarity. She found it odd that through seven years of attendance, two of which had prefect patrols and another year almost done with Head Girl duties, that she could still find herself completely lost. Worse still, there weren't any portraits to ask for directions.

Her ears were filled with her heartbeat as she stood still for a moment, trying to catch her breath from her quick pace. She was surprised her heart was knocking so insistently in her head, then realized that the sound she was hearing was more of knuckles on wood sound, rather than pulse in ears.

She quieted herself and listened. In the distance she could hear a low murmur of voices, somewhere in the corridor ahead. She started following the murmurs, hoping that she wasn't following the echoes that the stone corridor produced. After a few steps she noticed that the sound of her footsteps was blocking her ability to hear the faint voices, so she quickly cast a Cushioning Charm on her shoes.

She hurried toward the voices when she distinguished them again, thankful that they appeared to be stationary. She was about to round a corner when one voice stopped her cold.

"You know damn well that she's too good for you!"

It was Snape's voice! She peeked around the corner, but the hall was empty except for a sliver of light slicing through it. The owners of the voices were apparently behind a slightly open door.

She crept forward, wanting to know whom Snape was talking to before making her presence known. She silently wedged her way behind a giggling statue of Wendelin the Weird, which was situated beside the open door. Snape's voice rang out again.

"Of course not! Why would she choose me? But at least I would be able to provide for her and would be far less likely to kill her."

"Physically, maybe," the other voice stated, then lowered to an inaudible growl. She strained to hear, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"...offer her friendship and kindness, which is more than you'd ever do for her."

It was Lupin. Snape was talking to Lupin! But surely they weren't talking about her. The thought of Snape being protective of her was ludicrous.

"Are you planning on encouraging her love?" Snape's voice was quiet, but full of menace.

"Why wouldn't I? She's going to be my wife, after all. I'm hardly going to encourage her to love another."

Hermione froze. They were talking about her. Why was Snape talking to Lupin about her? Snape was talking again, but so softly she could only catch his last words: "love her back?"

Lupin growled at Snape. "I did try to discourage her, you know. I've made it very clear that life with me won't be easy."

Snape responded to that in a whispering hiss that was difficult to make out. "Yes... did... left out... another, didn't you? ... thought it inconsequential."

Lupin's answer was a threatening growl. "Hermione doesn't ever need to know, and if you let it slip, like you did about my affliction, your life will be forfeit, Snape."

"I would not dream of hurting her like that, Lupin, but she is a smart girl, and a very curious one at that. She will figure it out eventually, and when she does she will never forgive you for it."

Silence followed Snape's statement. Hermione edged closer, straining to hear what was going on, so was startled when Lupin said clearly, "You lecherous bastard! You want her, don't you?" A mocking sneer was evident in Lupin's voice. "Why didn't I see it before?"

"Whether or not I do is immaterial as it is you she has chosen. I am here to make sure you honor the girl as she deserves. I want your word that you will not hurt her in any way."

"You don't just want her, you love her! Why haven't you told her? Why are you leaving her to me? If I loved her, there's no way I'd let a chance like this go by!"

"Yes, well, as you so kindly pointed out, I am not nice, so I am bound to hurt her. She does not like me; she does like you. If I did love her, I would hardly force her hand in such a manner. It is her choice, and I will abide by it. She deserves that much respect."

Hermione was so stunned at Snape's sentiment that she didn't hear Lupin's response. All she could hear was the blood rushing to her head. Snape loved her? There had to be another explanation. A sudden outburst from Snape drew her attention back to the conversation.

"I will not have you play games with her mind or heart, Lupin!" His voice then turned into a soft hiss, and she couldn't parse what he was saying.

"Coward!" cried Lupin, eliciting another hiss from Snape.

"You are nothing but a ruddy coward! You leave her to be my responsibility because you're too scared of rejection, and then you have the gall to threaten me if I don't meet YOUR expectations of what a good husband is? I call that cowardice, Snivellus. You're right. You don't deserve her."

"Just make sure you do," Snape spat, then she heard the rustle of his robes. She hurriedly concealed herself just as Snape strode out of the room, robes billowing behind his sour countenance.

Lupin slammed the door, making Hermione jump, and silencing Wendelin. She leaned against the wall trying to digest what she had just overheard.

Snape loved her! That would explain a lot of things. But if he did, why had he been such an arse to her? Why had he done his best to make sure she didn't know? Was it fear of rejection, or was Snape playing one of his Slytherin games, trying to be as subtle as possible? She felt that Lupin was right: if Snape did love her, why wasn't he making the most out of this miserable moment?

She decided she really needed to think things through a little more before talking to Lupin. She got to her feet and slowly walked in the direction she came from, hoping to make it to back to her room that night.