Chapter 26

Disclaimer: Just mucking around. Not making any Galleons from it either. Bummer.

Thanks go to ladyinthecloak for beta reading this. I appreciate that you've stayed with me all this time.

2 March 1997

Hermione rounded the corner, glad to have snuck out of the common room without McLaggen seeing her again, and came face to face with the sneering face of Lavender Brown.

"Excuse me," she said, trying to pass her.

"We need to have a talk," the dark-haired girl said shrilly before grabbing Hermione's arm and pulling her back. "You'd better stay away from my boyfriend."

"Pardon me?"

"You heard me. You haven't been talking to him at all, and now that he's the talk of the school, you want something to do with him. Well, I won't have it I tell you."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Hermione said, "Ron and I have been friends for a long time. I don't need you to tell me what to do, thank you very much." She wrenched her arm from Lavender's grasp and added, "Ron can make his own decisions."

"You just want him for yourself!" Lavender tossed her hair from her shoulder. "It's me what's got his heart now. Just back off."

Hermione whipped out her wand, intent on hexing the harpy, but Professor Snape stepped into view. "Hello, Professor."

"Using magic in the corridors, Miss Granger?"

"I was debating on it."

"Miss Brown, I heard your shrill voice down the corridor. What's going on here?" he asked, glaring at both of them equally.

"Nothing, sir."

"Indeed?" One of his eyebrows arched in disbelief. "Perhaps a day of detention with Filch will help you to control yourself in the future."

"But, sir, I wasn't the one with my wand out!"

"I am not blind, Miss Brown." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Miss Granger, you will have detention with me. I happen to need a batch of shrake spines that need to be plucked for my next seventh-year class."

Hermione fumed but said nothing. She wanted badly to lash out at Lavender...at the professor as well. Who was Lavender to tell her she couldn't see Ron? If Professor Snape hadn't come upon them, she'd been about to tell the girl that the first word Ron had said when he'd come to was 'Er-my-nee,' obviously meaning Hermione, and if he didn't want her there, why would he have called out for her?

Frowning, she followed the professor, along with Lavender, down towards the stairway, giving the other girl a dirty look the entire time. She'd been feeling horrible for the way she'd been treating Ron lately. She'd made fun of him the day before during their Apparation training, and then he'd nearly been poisoned hours later. What if he'd died? She'd never had the chance to say she was sorry, to let him know that she did care for him.

"Ah, I was just looking for you, Mr. Filch," Professor Snape said when the wheezing man came into view. "I've got some help for you." He pointed towards Lavender. "I think Miss Brown would be delighted to help you in cleaning all of the Hogwarts bathrooms today."

Filch's jowls quivered with excitement. "Right. Right. I'll have her. Come along, you."

When the pair and Mrs. Norris turned and went back the way the man had come from, Professor Snape spun around to face Hermione. "Where were you last night?"

"Ron drank some poison and..."

"Yes, I know where Mr. Weasley was, but that isn't what I asked, now is it?"

"I stayed outside the infirmary with Harry waiting on news about Ron until we were allowed in by Madam Pomfrey."

"So you deliberately chose to go there instead of joining me."

"I did," she said, lifting her chin defiantly. "I rather think that a friend's near death is more important than..."

"Than a potion that might help save the Wizarding world? I don't think I can agree with you, Miss Granger," he hissed angrily. "You've got work to do. Come on."

As she stared at his back and descended the stairs with him, she wondered how she could have ever been attracted to him. He was such a brooding, harsh man most of the time. Definitely not what she needed clouding her mind. And then Hagrid had told her and Harry about what he'd overheard. What exactly had that been about? She was certain it wasn't as ominous as Harry wanted to believe, but it made her curious all the same. Maybe he didn't want to follow Draco anymore? Right now, she needed someone more than ever to talk to, and he was only bent on making her suffer for her decision to go to Ron.

And anyway, what was she doing fantasizing about a teacher? That was against the rules. She never would have thought she'd succumb to silly schoolgirl crushes. She always felt ill when the other girls went on about how sexy Firenze was. Then again, Hermione had never been partial to horses, much less a centaur that taught a class at Hogwarts. Well, all right. There was Lockhart I had a crush on when he taught here, but I was younger then, and he wasn't a centaur, she thought. A part of her mind snidely commented, You still have that bloody card he gave you when you were in the infirmary!

Her cheeks heated at this. Hermione hadn't been so confused in a long time. Just the day before, she'd given a small smile to Professor Snape during her Apparition practice, and he'd nodded back minutely. At that moment, she'd felt as though they'd shared a small secret: kinship. She had been barely able to contain herself as she'd thought of going down to the dungeons to work with him on the potion.

However, once she'd heard about Ron, she'd felt very guilty for that. She should have been feeling those things for Ron, but ever since he'd started going out with Lavender, her mind and heart had traveled elsewhere. There was no doubt that she was jealous that Snape seemed to have a ladyfriend...one who sometimes caused him to rearrange their meeting times.

The professor stopped suddenly on the stair below her, and she barreled into his back, having been lost in thought. "Sorry," she muttered, placing her hands on his back to steady herself and step away.

"Did you hear that?" he asked, looking back up the way they'd come.

"I heard nothing."

He snorted, shrugged, and continued on. They stopped at the doorway to his Potions classroom once down the corridor. "There are three dead shrakes preserved in those jars. I want the spines from them only. Leave the remains in the jars. I've a use for them."

"Are you serious?" Hermione asked incredulously. "You want me to do this because I chose to remain by a friend's side, a friend who might have died?"

He deftly pushed her into the room and closed the door behind me. "This is no joke. You will do this as your detention. When you are finished, you may find me in my office. We will proceed from there."

Hermione felt like crying she was so angry and frustrated. "Fine," she spat out, not caring how disrespectful or childish she was being.

"You may think this is cruel, but you will see my reasoning in time. What you did last night could have put our plans in jeopardy. Do you not know how important our work is? When you agreed to do this, you agreed to put it above all else. I thought that you, of all those here at Hogwarts, shared my..." He shook his head.

"If it were one of your friends, you would have done the same," she retorted. "If it were..." She cut off her words, having almost said Harry's mum's name. Snape seemed to get the gist of her meaning.

"How dare you assume to know my thoughts?" he demanded. "Shall I insist you never join me again? If you prefer Weasley, then..."

"Who is doing the assuming now?" she blurted out, unable to contain her emotions any longer, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "He could have died last night, on his own birthday at that, and he never would have known that I care for him. I never told him! I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. I..." Her sobs came in earnest, and to her surprise, she was soon wrapped in Professor Snape's firm, warm embrace, her nose nuzzling into his chest, inhaling his scent.

This made her cry even more, for this was what she needed...someone to listen to her, someone to hold her. It didn't matter that it was Professor Snape because this was her Snape, the one she alone knew, the one she'd come to fancy.

I'm so confused. Deciding to voice her feelings, she said, "I've been so horrible to him. He was with her, and I've been jealous. I hated him, wanted him to be miserable, even hurt, but when it really happened, I just couldn't stand it."

"Luckily, all will be well. You will be able to tell him." He sighed. "Some of us are never given that chance."

"But that's not all. While I've b-been," she tried to steady her voice, "angry with him, I've gone and done something I shouldn't have."

"What's that, Miss Granger?"

"I've been thinking about someone else... in that way." When he said nothing, she pulled back to look up into his black eyes. "And it makes me feel dirty now, like I've betrayed him."

He stepped back from her, dropping his arms to his side. "You've done nothing of the sort. He was not yours to betray. This was his doing, not yours. Why should you have to put your life on hold for so long, wishing to have your affections returned, living on what-ifs? Why shouldn't you have another if the opportunity presents itself?"

She wondered briefly if he weren't trying to convince himself of that very thing. Sniffing slightly, she said, "I'm sorry. I always seem to get so emotional lately, and you... you've been here for me. I want you to know that I..." A knock on the door interrupted her, causing her to jump.

"Enter," Snape said, turning to face the doorway. "Yes, Miss Bulstrode?"

"Crabbe's caught the common room on fire again, sir! Lucky for us Professor Sinistra was there for a chat and was able to stop it. We tried all we knew, us students, but we couldn't do anything. I ran here to let you know, but I expect she'll be round to tell you about it."

"Thank you. I will be there directly."

"You're welcome, sir." Millicent sneered at Hermione before leaving.

"We will finish this later if you don't mind," he said, not looking at her, but running a shaky hand through his hair. "It seems I have a student who needs to be reprimanded."

"All right," she said quietly, watching him go. What had she been about to admit to him? To her horror, she was certain she'd been about to tell him that he was the man who'd captured her attention, the man who'd invaded her mind and had helped to heal the pain over Ronald's new relationship.

Hermione never thought she'd be grateful to Millicent Bulstrode for anything in her life, but she was glad the girl had run to the professor and interrupted their talk. More importantly, though, now that she thought on it, she realized that he'd looked at her in... a different way just near the end. And he'd been trembling slightly. Could it really be possible that when he'd said those things that he had been thinking of himself as well? And possibly of her?

This made her smile. Could someone such as he want someone like her? There was the age difference. He was just over nineteen years her senior...her seventeen and a half, him just now thirty-seven...but he certainly didn't look it. The worst part was the taboo of him being her professor...any relationship would be forbidden indeed. Her heart fluttered, and her stomach tingled while she thought of what it would be like to have him hold her exactly as he had and then kiss her. Her smile faded as she realized that perhaps the person he'd been meeting with was the one he'd been thinking of instead.

And why would Professor Sinistra be visiting the Slytherin common room? Snape didn't seem surprised that she'd be there. "Oh, right," she said aloud. The woman was once a Slytherin herself and probably checked in on her old house. Or, Hermione thought in dismay, she's the one. This didn't sit well with her, for Aurora Sinistra was a beautiful woman, her slim figure, pale skin, and dark hair and eyes would match someone like Professor Snape perfectly. Keeping this in mind and not thinking any more of Ron or Lavender, she went about getting the spines, viciously slashing her wand as she did so.

Once she was done, she went to his office and knocked on the door. There was no reply, so she entered quietly, thinking she could wait for him to return. Surely he couldn't get angry for that; he'd told her to go there, hadn't he? She settled herself on the small sofa near the cold fireplace and began to shiver immediately. "No wonder he wears those thick robes. It's bloody freezing down here."

Spotting a cloak hanging on a hook near the doorway, she went snatch it and then covered herself with it. It smelled just like him, and she was filled with a sense of security. She waited another ten minutes before deciding to rest her eyes just a bit. What she hadn't counted on was falling asleep.

Much later, she awoke to find that the room had transformed completely. No longer was it cold; a toasty fire lit the grate. The lamps that had been lit were now dark, and she was not alone. Professor Snape was with her, sitting on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him and his back against the couch she was lying on. His head lolled to the side and rested on the cushion even with her shoulder. And at some point, he'd fallen asleep.

How much time had passed? Surely she hadn't missed dinner. Harry would be worried about her. Maybe Ron had asked about her again. Damn! I forgot about Ron.

She stretched as quietly as she could, afraid to wake her sleeping professor. It would be quite awkward; she felt that already. What had possessed him to allow her to sleep? To put a pillow beneath her head? To fall asleep beside her?

Unable to stop herself, she lifted a hand and brought it to his head and lightly ran it down the length of his hair. It was very soft to the touch. When he didn't move, she softly traced his jawline with her fingertips, stopping at his chin and not daring to touch his lips as she longed to. Would they feel as soft as they looked at this moment in the fire's glow? Afraid her touch would awaken him, she pulled her hand back and closed her eyes, wishing she could fall asleep again and awake in her own room, bypassing the point when they both woke and had to talk. She dared not try slipping out without speaking to him, though she wished she could.

A moment later she heard him speak and cringed.

"I'm surprised you didn't continue exploring further, Miss Granger. Your curiosity, much like a Kneazle, normally knows no bounds."

Mortified, she said, "I'm so sorry, sir. I just... I didn't mean..." With a small sigh, she admitted, "I couldn't stop myself."

"I confess," he began, his head still lying on the couch and his eyes still closed, "that I hadn't the want to wake you when I saw you sleeping so soundly. After your earlier... outburst, I thought you might need the rest."

"And you opted to sleep as well?" she asked, gaining courage.

"I thought to sit here only, and yet..."

Smiling, Hermione said, "There's something I want to talk to you about."

"Don't," he whispered. "Just don't say it."

His words puzzled her. Had he come to the conclusion that she'd meant to confess her "feelings" for him earlier? "I fear I must."

He let out a deep breath. "So be it."

"Sir, last night Hagrid let something slip. Something he overheard."

The professor's head snapped up, and he turned to look at her, a slight expression of surprise on his face. "Is that what you want to discuss?"

"I..." She shrugged in confusion. "Did you know he heard you then?"

Abruptly rising and going to stand near the fire, one hand on the mantle, he said, "It's hard not to hear him tromping away...even when he's trying to be silent. However, I told Dumbledore he'd tell someone. He never can keep a secret. I am surprised, though, that he said something so quickly and to whom he said it."

"So... are you all right?"

"Fine. You may leave now."

"Leave?" His retort had been curt, as if he were angry with her. "Are you mad?"

"Mad? In what form of the word, Miss Granger?"

"Are you angry?"

"No, just go."

"I will not," she said, rising. "I've offended you somehow and would like to know why." What had caused this change to overcome him?

"Rest assured that I am carrying on with Dumbledore's request... however much I'd like not to. Remain silent on this. And go. Please." At this last word, his voice cracked.

She could do nothing but obey his order, not wanting to hear him become distraught due to her presence. "All right," she said, her voice a mere whisper. "I'm sorry to have upset you."

"We'll reschedule our meeting."

At this she paused. "Why should we?" she asked suddenly, spinning around. "You made me de-spine shrakes because I missed last night's meeting, and now, just because you're angry with me, you want to do the same!" She regretted her outburst the moment he looked at her. He wasn't the same professor she knew. His eyes whispered that all would never be well for him again. Something else was going on, something more than following Draco.

"Out. Now!"

Running to him, she put her arms around his waist, wanting to give him the comfort he'd given her earlier. Why should one not return the favor? He needed her even if he'd never admit it. When he didn't return her embrace, she looked up into his shocked face and said, "Please hold me. Like earlier."

He closed his eyes, as if in resignation, and complied. They stood that way for a long time, the heat from the fire warming them. His breathing became a little shallow, and she felt a tremor go through him.

Has he started crying? she wondered. Here's a man who definitely doesn't have the emotional range of a teaspoon. He locks this part of himself away. How hard that must be for him. How alone he must feel.

"I think I love you. You're the one I was talking about," she blurted. She'd wanted to soothe him, had meant to say something that would ease him, but that was what had come out. The word love. She'd never thought of love when thinking of him before. Why had it come out just now? She felt him stiffen, and she held her breath, waiting to be pushed away and berated.

When she looked up, he'd just looked down, and their eyes met. Ever so slowly, she rose up on her tiptoes and met his descending lips with her own. This is really happening. He's kissing you. He feels it, too, the connection, her mind screamed. Hermione felt giddy and frightened at the same time.

His lips were soft and yet firm as he led her in their first kiss, lips brushing and tasting before their mouths opened and the kiss deepened, tongues exploring and tangling. Snape's arms tightened and pulled her even closer to his body, and her hands moved around to his chest and slid upwards until her fingers were grasping his hair, making certain he remained as close to her as possible.

Time had stopped it seemed, and Hermione realized she'd never felt anything so powerful before. Snape was magic, and she couldn't get enough, didn't want it to ever stop. She'd shared kisses before, but Viktor hadn't made her feel as though a fire had started in her abdomen. When he hummed approval with a short "mmmm," Hermione moaned in reply and felt her core heat and pulse with want. That had certainly never happened before. She could feel that he, too, was affected by what was happening between them because his firm erection now pressed against her stomach.

With a final brushing of lips, they pulled back and looked at each other, both breathing quickly, a look of surprise mirroring on their faces. Hermione slid her arms down so that her hands rested against his chest between them, and she felt his hold on her loosen slightly as his hands moved to rest on her lower back, just above her bum.

"I'm not sorry," she said.

"I think, Hermione, that we should be," he said, causing a ripple of awareness to flow through her.

"Are you sorry then?" she asked, adding boldly, "Severus."

"No." His voice was a mere whisper. "Merlin, help me, no, I am not."

Again she rose up to press her lips against his, and he eagerly accepted her kiss, this time lifting her so that her feet left the floor and her body molded against his and left no chance for misinterpretation for what he wanted. Nothing in the world mattered just then. Who was Voldemort? What were Death Eaters? As his lips left her mouth and traveled to her neck, she arched back to give him access, relishing the feel of his nipping teeth and soothing tongue.

"You taste so good," he murmured against her skin.

"Oh," she gasped, and with those four words, the world came crashing down around her. What was she doing? With whom? "Wait. I..." She slid down against him until her feet hit the floor and backed away. "What are we doing? Do we want this?" Her heart beat wildly, afraid of what she might do next.

"You should leave," he said hoarsely, stepping back as well.

"Don't misunderstand me, please. I'm not saying I don't want this, just that this is so sudden. I'm so... confused."

"You want two men," he said softly, eyes gazing towards the floor.

"I don't know what I want exactly." She stepped closer and touched the arms that were now crossed in front of his chest defensively. "I do want you...and all that it implies. I think about you all the time, and the things I think of..."

His head snapped up. "What things?"

"You and me, kissing... Us, in bed... Holding each other."

"Why me?"

"Why not?"

"I don't understand this." He spun away and went to sit on the couch she'd recently vacated.

"We should try to understand what's going on here," she said, walking over to him and kneeling before him. Placing her hands on his knees, she said, "And there's Ron. I thought that I wanted these things with him, but... I don't think he could ever touch me the way you have. Getting to know you these past months has been something so very important to me."

"It's been long since I've felt something...anything...for anyone but her," he admitted. "Some of the things you say, your feelings, have been things I've felt in the past. I thought no one would ever understand how it felt to..." He shook his head and took her hands in his. "Hermione, this cannot happen, much as I would want for it."

"Because you're my teacher."

"Mostly, yes."

She lay her head in his lap and released one of his hands so that he could smooth away the hair from her face. "We don't have to decide anything right now," she said hopefully. "We finish working together. Whatever happens, happens."

He was quiet for a long time before he spoke. "Hermione, I have to tell you something. It's about what Hagrid overheard. If I don't share this with you, if you don't know now...before anything occurs between us, if ever...I couldn't live with myself."

Hermione lifted her head and gazed at him. "You sound so... forlorn, so serious. What more is he asking of you?"

"Albus is dying," Severus admitted.

She sat back on her heels, reeling in shock. "His arm?"

"Yes." He nodded vigorously. "He means to end his life on his terms, making it seem something other than it is."

"Ho-how long does he have?"

"Hermione, he wants me to end his life."

Her eyes widened as she realized what he meant. "But that's horrible to ask of you!" Everything made sense. All of it clicked into place. "Draco, he's been trying to kill the headmaster all this time! But he wants you to do it. God! And you are trying to thwart him so you can be the one to do it? But... surely there's something we can do. The potion..."

"Isn't complete. It's why we must continue to work on it the best we can. There's more."

"I'm listening."

"You would share my burden so readily?"

She moved to sit beside him, feeling emboldened by his vulnerability. "Yes," she said simply, taking his hand. "Tell me all you can."

AN: And that's it for memory lane. We will go back to the "real" story now that she's shared these memories with us. Other things will be reflected on, of course, throughout the rest of the story, which is nearing its conclusion. Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate it.