Chapter 19

Disclaimer: See Chapter One.

Thanks to ladyinthecloak for looking this over—as always! And also to Charmed_Nay, who will take a look at it eventually as well (she’s totally busy at the moment!).

Harry looked at Ron and shrugged his shoulders helplessly, eyes wide, as Hermione leaned into his embrace and cried. He had no idea what had brought her to them, but she mumbled things like “Severus” and “hate Malfoy” and “should have known.” He was fairly certain that she’d had a fight with her husband, and it was obviously bad enough for her to leave him—if the packed trunk floating behind her was anything to go by.

“I’ll kill him!” Ron said suddenly, bolting for the door.

“Ron, stop!” Harry said, unable to move away from his sobbing friend. Luckily, she began trying to control her bawling and mumbled something incoherent.

“What’s that?” Ron asked, stopping and backtracking to them. “You’d better tell me what’s happened,” he insisted. “You’re leaving a lot to the imagination here, Hermione.”

She pulled away from Harry, sniffling and wiping at her cheeks. “It’s over!”

“Did he hurt you?” Ron asked dangerously.

Harry’s eyes narrowed. “What did he do?”

“I over—” She shuddered slightly. “I overheard him talking to Lucius about me. I don’t think he loves me.”

It seemed like she wanted to say more, but the words wouldn’t come out right, causing her expression to darken.

“Damn it!” she exclaimed in frustration. “Let’s just say it wasn’t very flattering!”

“What’d the bastard say?” Ron asked.

Harry was curious despite himself. Had Snape divulged something about their sexual life? Maybe it wasn’t very flattering. That would sure upset a woman. Hell, he thought, feeling mortified, I don’t expect I would like it if Ginny told anyone that kind of stuff either, especially if it wasn’t very flattering.

“He called me a pain in the arse!” she ranted.

Ron mumbled, “He’s got a point, you know,” slyly, causing Harry to shush him. Luckily, Hermione seemed to not hear, lost in her own thoughts.

“Lucius, that bastard, called me a harpy! Severus agreed,” she said, seething now.

Ron snorted, unflinching his fists. “Bloody hell, Hermione, I thought the git hit you or something, and here I was going to… All right? You don’t look so good.”

Harry realized that Ron was right. She was pale, sweaty, and clutched at her chest. “Hermione? What is it?”

She panted slightly. “I don’t know. Oh—blast! The stupid bond!”

“What, can’t you be away from him at all?”

“Of course I can, you idiot,” she grumbled, breathing as deeply as she could to calm whatever pain she was feeling. “It’s just that I’m leaving him for good, and the magic must know and… disapprove.”

“Oh, right,” Ron said dumbly, raising his eyebrows at Harry.

“What can we do?” he asked.

“Harry, I want to lie down. It’ll be better if I try to relax. I’m not going to let this drive me back. It’s over. I won’t be forced to go back to someone who doesn’t love me.”

“Love you? But I thought…” Things had been great between them as far as he knew, surprising everyone. He would have taken an oath that Snape loved his friend. It seemed to be all over the man’s face when he watched her while he thought nobody to be looking.

“No,” she said, “things were going fine, but apparently, I was wrong about a lot of things. Please don’t let me be disturbed.” She motioned for her trunk to follow her and fled the room, leaving the boys staring after her.

“I don’t like this,” Harry said. “There’s something more she’s not saying.”

“Maybe she won’t say it in front of me,” Ron said, ears turning red. “You know, our past. Might feel uncomfortable about it. Maybe I should shove off for a while and give you time to talk to her. Not long, mind, but enough time.”

“That might be a good idea,” Harry agreed. “You could go to your mum’s and see if Malfoy’s fitting in all right there.”

“Heh heh,” Ron laughed. “Never thought he’d stoop to staying at my house.”

Harry nodded. “He’s trying to change, you know.”

“Oh, I know. It’s just ironic, isn’t it? Has all that money and he’s hiding from it at my place.”

“Yeah, things have come full circle. Don’t blame him for not trusting his arsehole father.”

BANG, BANG, BANG!

“What the fuck?”

Harry looked towards the doorway as well. “Someone’s trying to break in here.” The thudding became louder. Wand drawn, both went down the passageway to the front door. “Who’s there?” Harry asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

“Open the door, Potter!”

“Snape. Found her fast, didn’t he?” Ron snarled.

“Look, don’t do anything stupid,” Harry said, eyeing him meaningfully. “I’ll handle this.”

“I won’t do anything unless he does.”

Harry opened the door, wand still in hand. “I guessed it would be you.”

“Where is she?” The words were like acid, his expression dark and eyes cold.

“Who do you mean?” Ron piped up.

Snape snarled. “Weasley, you’d better stay out of this.”

“Or what?”

“Ron!” Harry said in exasperation.

“Look, she’s upstairs and not up to seeing you right now.”

“I have a right to see my wife,” he said angrily. “Move aside.”

When he tried to brush by, Harry stood in his way firmly. “She has a right to a little privacy. You should respect that.”

“Yeah,” Ron added. “Might watch your mouth in the future, eh?”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Snape admitted grudgingly, glaring balefully at Ron.

Ron snorted and looked at Harry knowingly. “Uh-huh.”

“We were at the Malfoys’ home, and she fell ill. Something didn’t seem right, so I went home to check on her. I found that she’d taken most of her things and left! She’s not at her parents’ home, so I knew to come here. I just—put your wand away, boy.”

This last bit was directed at Ron, who gazed back at him defiantly.

“I don’t think she liked what you had to say to Malfoy, mate,” he said nastily.

“Ron!” Harry scolded. “It’s not your—”

“What are you talking about, Weasley?”

“She heard what you said about her! Him calling her a harpy, you agreeing with it, saying she was a pain in the arse. Didn’t say what else she heard. I expect it wasn’t all that great either.” Ron's smug smile belied his anger, though Harry noticed the minute flaring of his nostrils, which usually meant trouble.

“Bollocks.” Snape froze for a moment, comprehension dawning on his face, before looking at Harry. “I need to talk to her.”

“Give her some time,” Harry said, hoping the man would agree. He didn’t want Hermione angry with him, and if she felt this was the only place she could go to, then he wanted to keep her with him—where she could feel safe.

Obviously seeing that he would have to fight his way through, Snape nodded briskly. “Tell her I was here.” His eyes darkened even more—if that were possible—and he added, “Tell her she misunderstood.”

“Oh, sure she did,” Ron said sarcastically.

“I’m warning you, Weasley.” Snape’s voice had lowered menacingly. “If you think you can weasel your way back into her life, you’re sadly mistaken.” As this was said, Snape stepped closer to Ron. “She’s mine.”

Harry knew he had to do something, so he stood between them. “I’ll tell her.”

“Tell her I will be back again and again until she stops acting childish and talks to me. This… running off, I thought more of her.” With that he turned on his heel and Disapparated.

“That arsehole!” Ron said. “He acts like he bloody owns her.”

Harry slammed the door and rounded on him. “Where do you get off telling him what Hermione said! That’s up to her to tell him! You know, Ron, if I didn’t know better, I’d think Snape’s right.”

“Maybe I am glad she’s found out he’s not Mr. Perfect. Put yourself in my place, Harry!”

“Wait, I’m not saying that you haven’t been hurt over this, but you both married other people.”

“I didn’t do it willingly.”

“Neither did she!”

“But—”

“No, remember you tried to make it work with your wife and had decided that even before you knew that Hermione was married. So don’t act like you only did that because of what she did.”

“You git,” Ron said through clenched teeth. He shook his head. “I want her to be happy, but it doesn’t look like she is. She seemed adamant about it being over, so I just thought…” He sighed. “I’m going to the Burrow for a while. Want me to tell Ginny to stay away for a little longer? Maybe sleep there? I’m sure Mum could do with some help.”

“This is her home. She doesn’t have to stay away. You don’t either. I just want to talk to Hermione alone for a little while. Maybe just let Ginny know that. If she comes back, she’ll know to wait until I’m done.” He smiled. “You, too, all right? I don’t mean to run you off. I just… She needs us to be here for her.”

“I know.” Ron put his wand in his pocket and opened the door, leaving Harry alone to wonder if he’d done the right thing by not letting Snape see her. What if it had been a misunderstanding after all? They should clear it up as soon as possible. He hated when he and Ginny argued and went to bed mad, not talking things out.

“Well, here goes nothing,” he said, moving towards the stairway that would lead him up to Hermione’s room.

Hermione curled up into a ball and shook one of her feet violently, hoping the urge to go to her husband would pass. She knew it would be mentally challenging, but she’d not been told anything about physical pain. She actually ached. And she also knew he was angry. She could feel that, too.

“Serves you right.”

Shaking her head, she thought back over the time they’d spent together. He’d always been evasive about things, and she’d known it—had called him on it even—but she’d let things slide because she’d been hopeful. She’d fallen for him.

“I love him,” she said sadly, feeling like a fool, “but I won’t keep trying to have a one-sided relationship no matter what.” Feeling used, stupid, and heartbroken hadn’t been on her to-do list for today.

How could she get even with him? How could she beat the pain she now felt?

“His days of manipulating me are over. My conviction is stronger than some magical bond.” At least she hoped it was.

A knock at her door startled her, and she felt a moment of trepidation. Would Harry have let him in? No, that didn’t seem right. Besides, he wouldn’t be knocking, would he?

“Come in,” she called and was unsurprised to see her best friend enter. “Hey, Harry. Look, I’m sorry for putting you in the middle like this. I know it’s not easy for Ron either, but I just need a place to stay for now.”

He closed the door and moved to lie beside her, careful not to touch her. “You can stay here as long as you like. About Ron, well, I don’t know exactly what he feels about it, but he seems to want you here. Even though you got married, you’re still one of us, Hermione.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

“Er, Snape was here.”

“I thought he might show up. I can…” She shuddered slightly. “I feel his rage.”

“The bonding?”

“Yeah.” She gasped. The rage was giving way to something else: sadness.

“What is it?”

Brow furrowed, she said, “He’s… sad.”

“Oh?”

She shook her head. “Well, good. He should be. I expect he’s not happy his little scheme is backfiring.”

“Tell me everything. I know there’s something more. I won’t talk to Ron about it,” he promised.

“Narcissa Malfoy tried to Obliviate me.”

“WHAT?”

Hermione nodded, feeling her anger mounting again. Let him feel my rage! she thought mutinously. “I left the room, and she showed me a secret room that she uses to spy on Lucius and his friends. They were talking about me like I was just some… some whore Snape was using.” She growled slightly. “He as much as said that he’s using me, and I think it has something to do with you.”

“Using me, too? How?”

There were some things that she simply wouldn’t tell Harry. “I’m not quite sure. When I wanted to confront them, she turned her wand on me, gloating and saying horrid things, and then she tried to hex me. I slipped while trying to rush her and thought it best to pretend that her spell had hit its mark.”

“Clever as always.”

“I knew Severus would try to talk me out of going and would smooth things over with some rubbish about my misunderstanding things or him just saying that to keep Malfoy from getting suspicious, so I said nothing and went home.” She closed her eyes and straightened out to lie on her back, still shaking her foot slightly. “I packed what I needed and came here.”

“Do you want to file a—?”

“What would be the point? Besides, that stupid oath of mine, I can’t touch them, can I? It’s just not worth it. I’m going to handle this somehow but my way.”

“I’m here with you in whatever you want to do. I just…”

Harry’s expression was troubled. She knew that look well. “What is it?”

“He did seem concerned.”

“The man could act his way out of death, Harry. Literally. Don’t tell me you’re falling for this? Of course he wants to be on our side. He needs us for whatever nasty little plan he’s really got going.”

“That could be.”

She sighed as she realized she wanted to know what Severus had said. “And his words were?”

“He and Ron had a small row.”

“Blast!” She rolled her eyes. “What did Ron let slip?”

“Yeah, you guessed it right.”

“What an idiot!”

“Snape demanded that I let him in, but I told him no and that you needed your space. He seemed a little surprised that I wouldn’t move to let him pass, and then Ron taunted him about not knowing how to keep his mouth shut.”

“Damn it. What did Severus say then?”

“He wasn’t happy about that, naturally, but he said that you two had been at the Malfoys’ place and you went home. He went to check on you to find you gone.”

She felt smug. “I wish I’d seen his face when he saw my things gone.”

“From what he said, I think he went to your mum and dad’s house, but I don’t know if he talked to them or not.”

“I hope not! They’re unhappy enough with me as it is.”

“He seemed puzzled about you leaving him. Oh, right! He said that he was disappointed that you just took off without talking to him. And, uh, well, he called you childish.”

“Arsehole.”

Harry arched an eyebrow in surprise. “Now you sound like Ron.”

“Great,” she said sarcastically.

“He even pulled his wand out on Snape.” Harry snickered. “Told him you’d heard him call you those things. I was sort of proud of him.”

“Yeah,” she said with a smile, “always there for me, isn’t he?”

“Not always,” Harry said sadly.

“I guess we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of.” She thought of how she’d been seduced and tricked by Lucius, about her eagerness.

Harry placed an arm over her then and gave her a hug. “Like you told me long ago, not everything works out as we expect them to.”

“If Sirius Black could end up an innocent man after all those years, then I’d say so.”

“Then maybe Snape was telling the truth when he said you’d misunderstood. Maybe something else is going on.”

“Maybe he should tell his wife the truth! I’m tired of all his little secrets, the ways he keeps things from me…”

“Confront him about it. Force him to tell you everything.”

“Force Severus? Are you mad?”

“Right.”

“Exactly.” She closed her eyes. “I might talk to him, but it won’t be now. I need some time to clear my head—if I can get it cleared.” She curled up again to stave off the cramping in her abdomen.

“What can I do?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not letting some magic bully me back into a relationship. I’ll live like this as long as I have to if I believe it’s the right thing to do.” She sniffed slightly, trying to keep her tears at bay. She was tired of crying, tired of wondering, tired of feeling as if she owned the world only to find out she didn’t even have stock in it, and tired of falling deeper into a world dominated by Severus Snape when she got nothing in return.

“Fair enough.”

“How’s Draco?”

“Believe it or not, he’s doing better.”

“I wish I could tell him what his horrible mother did, but I don’t want to hurt him that way.” A groan escaped her lips, and she rocked herself slightly, feet rubbing against the duvet. When it passed, she added, “He loves her so much even now.” She snorted. “You wouldn’t believe it, but she seems to think she was helping him. I asked if she was lying to herself or believing Lucius’ lies.”

Harry curled himself around her, squeezing her tightly. “When Ginny has, uh, cramps, you know, those kind, she says this helps. All right?”

“It does. Stay.”

“I will.”

Hermione ached so much and felt so cold she was actually hot. At some point, she dozed off and only woke when her door creaked open. Not wanting to open her eyes in case it was Ron who’d entered, she pretended to be asleep.

“Is she all right?”

Ginny. Relief filled her.

“No, it’s bad.”

“How so?”

The bed dipped slightly as Ginny sat near their feet.

“The magical bond. Since she’s trying to leave him, it’s like she’s having withdrawal pains.” His voice sounded suddenly sheepish when he added, “I thought this might help.”

“Do you think I should go get something for pain? I have something in the medicine cabinet.”

“Maybe. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t.”

“No, you didn’t see her. She’s really upset. Probably slipped her mind.”

“Won’t hurt to try. I’ll go get it.”

“I can go.”

“No, it’s okay. Let her sleep. If you move, she might wake.”

“All right. Thanks,” he said, voice still a soft whisper. “Is Ron back?”

“No, he’s staying there for tonight. He and Draco are going over to Fleur and Bill’s for a few pints.”

“Okay. Might be best anyway.”

“Yeah, he told me a little of what happened. Idiot.”

“I think he wanted to take Snape on.”

“Probably been itching for it.”

“Go get that potion. We’ll talk later.”

Hermione heard the door creak slightly as Ginny left. She opened her eyes and yawned loudly for Harry’s benefit. “Thanks, Harry, I think I’ll be all right now. It’s not so bad.”

“Did we wake you? Ginny’s back.”

“No,” she lied, “but I know it’s pretty late. Go on. It’ll be okay.”

“She’s gone to get you a potion for the pain.”

“Tell her I’ve got something, and I’ll take it if it starts back up. Go. Your fiancée probably wants some alone time as well. I’m stealing you away here.” When he hesitated, she said, “Now.”

“All right. Come if you need me.”

“I promise.”

“Night.”

“Night.”

She watched her friend leave before resignedly fetching her wand to turn the lamps down. It would be a long night.

“You look terrible,” Ron said through a mouthful of half-chewed eggs.

“Thanks,” she said sarcastically.

“Ginny made breakfast before they left.” He nodded to the plates on the center of the table. “Good bangers.”

“I might eat some toast.”

“What? Snape doesn’t feed you? You could use at least a stone.”

“Really?” she said sourly.

He swallowed and wiped his mouth. “Just trying to make you smile is all.”

“Thanks. Sorry. I just don’t feel well.”

“It’s been two days. This can’t keep up.”

“I’m doing some research. I’ll hope to find something.”

“I still say St. Mungo’s is where you need to be, Hermione.” His cheeks reddened with anger. “If that git comes back again today, I’m going to let him have it! I’ll bet he knows a way around this. I can’t believe he’s making you go through this.”

Hermione sighed and placed her mug of coffee on the table. “He’s suffering, too, Ron.”

“Oh, don’t tell me—” a chunk of food flew out of his mouth, “you feel sorry for him. Starting to forgive him already, are you?”

“No, I just mean that this ruddy bond magic works both ways. What I’m feeling right now, it’s not one sided.”

“Er… oh.”

“Right. So, it’s not like he’s sitting back and enjoying my pain.”

Ron grumbled and popped a chunk of toast into his mouth. “Never know.”

“I might talk to him today,” she confided.

“Thought you might.”

“Well, aren’t you tired of the owls?” Hermione was certainly tired of them. Severus had been sending several letters a day asking for her to allow his visit. She only replied once, of course, and told him she’d let him know when and if she was ready to talk to him. “I mean, this is getting ridiculous.”

“Make sure you talk to him here. I want to be nearby in case you need me.”

She reached across the table and placed a hand over his, giving it a light squeeze. “I appreciate that, Ron, and you can bet that I’ll not be going to our, er, his house for our talk.”

Ron turned his hand over and held hers. “Harry said your mom sent word that she wants you to go round.”

A sigh escaped her lips. “I should go, considering the way things have been going between us all lately, but I’m just not up to explaining anything, and I don’t want to leave. He might be waiting for a chance to see me elsewhere.”

“I’ll go. I’ll just tell them you’re not feeling well and that you’re staying with us till things get better.”

“Would you do that for me?”

He shrugged. “They’re still my family, too, even though we…” Instead of finishing his sentence, he took a deep gulp of pumpkin juice and slipped his hand from hers.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that when you came back the other day. I’m sorry.”

“I should have minded my own business.”

“You were just taking up for me,” she offered.

“True enough, but Harry’s right. I shouldn’t have said anything. That’s for you to tell, and now, thanks to me, he’s probably brewed up some cover story to tell you.”

“We’ll see, won’t we? All right if I use Pig?”

“Sure.” He nodded to the plate of bangers. “Want those two?”

“No, I only want toast I said.”

“Just making sure.” He then pierced his fork into both. “Got an appetite today.”

“You’ve been hanging out with Draco a lot.”

“I suppose. We’ve been going down to Bill’s a lot lately.” He smirked. “I haven’t seen this much of Bill since he first moved out.”

“He and Draco get along well then?”

“Yeah, well enough. Mostly talks to Gabrielle though.”

This gave Hermione pause. “Er, how old is she? She looked very young back at Hogwarts during our fourth year.”

“Old enough. Sixteen maybe. Why?”

“I’m just… surprised. Fleur doesn’t mind?”

“She’s all for it. Says Gabby needs a friend right now. Was getting into a bad crowd back in France to hear her mum tell it.” He leaned forward conspiratorially. “I overheard them talking and think they were talking while he was living out there with his mum.” He frowned suddenly. “Keep that between us. I’m sure Fleur doesn’t know that part. Would hate to get the git in trouble.”

“Considering it was likely his crowd that the girl starting going around with back home, I’m sure Fleur wouldn’t approve,” Hermione surmised smartly.

“Right in one.”

Hermione finished her coffee and ate two slices of toast before she went upstairs to write a letter for Severus. She wanted to word it so that he didn’t get any false hope, and she wanted to make certain that her stance was clear.

Severus,

I don’t appreciate the continuous owls. When I said that I needed time to think things over, you should have respected that. Coming here? The letters? Uncalled for. You told Harry that I was childish for running out without speaking to you. Fair enough, but what you’re doing isn’t any better.

Yes, I know that this separation hurts you. My body doesn’t feel all that hot at the moment either, but unlike you, this actually hurts my heart. When I told you that I’d fallen in love with you, I wasn’t just telling you what I thought you wanted to hear. I was serious about that. Despite how this relationship started, I know that I didn’t want it to end, but now?

What can it do but end? No matter what I ask you, Severus, you’ll have a sly reply. I’m tired of the lies. Yes, I know you are lying. Something’s missing. What aren’t you telling me?

I heard everything you and Lucius said. And giving him something to help with the dreams? Wanting me to stop it for Narcissa’s sake? I hate her nearly as much as I hate her husband. They can both rot in Azkaban for all I care. You’ll be quite surprised to know what your dear friend did to me before I left her home that night.

We can talk, Severus, but I will not go to your home. You can come here to Grimmauld Place to meet me. When will you be available? We won’t be alone, but we will have privacy. That’s the best I can offer, but if you want to talk, you’d better be prepared to be honest.

Just so you know, even your honesty may not fix what’s happened. In fact, I wouldn’t count on it.

Hermione

Feeling proud of herself for remaining firm and not allowing the magic to influence her wording, she sealed the parchment and motioned Pig forward. The little owl twittered about excitedly, and she had trouble tying the letter to his leg.

“Stop, Pig, or you’ll be sent back to the Burrow for good.”

Finally, she was able to secure the letter and opened a window. “Thanks,” she called out to him, shaking her head slightly. “Ahhh…” she moaned and brought her fingers to her temples. “Ruddy headache.”

For a moment, anger washed over her, and she wished she’d said something nasty to Severus in the letter. This was his fault. He would pay for this. The whole lot would.

Before she could muster the strength to close the window, Pig flew back in excitedly. “What the…? What are you doing back? I told you to bring it to Severus Snape.”

The owl fluttered towards her and extended its leg, not landing instead.

“No, you are supposed to—shite!”

She noticed that the parchment tied to his leg now wasn’t the one she’d sent out. Severus had received her letter already and had replied to it. That had to mean that he was nearby. This was something she hadn’t counted on.

Snatching the note and shooing away Pigwidgeon, she quickly read her husband’s reply.

I am available now. Meet me at the door.

Hermione’s heart began hammering inside her chest. She’d hoped to have time to prepare herself for their meeting. She took a deep breath and decided to simply deal with it. First, she’d have to ask Ron to wait upstairs while she talked to Severus. They truly did need privacy for the row they were sure to have. Ignoring the thudding in her head, she steeled herself and left the safety of her bedroom.

SW’s Note: More up soon. Really. :) Why should you trust this? Because the Potter Place Anything Goes Challenge has finally ended, and I totally have time for myself now! Whoot! hehehe