Chapter 27

Chapter 27

He stayed away for two full weeks.

She had known he would fight it, but she hadn't expected him to fight it quite so long. An hour would have seemed like too long to bear, so two weeks felt like an eternity. Still, Hermione knew Severus loved her, even though he was stubbornly refusing to admit it to either one of them.

As she had told him, she knew it in the depth of her soul. She still knew it, even in the face of his ongoing absence. If anything, she had grown more sure now that she knew neither magic nor proximity were clouding her mind.

She had been tempted to go to him, but she understood that he had to figure this out for himself if they were ever going to have a chance at happiness. He made it easier to stay away – mainly by staying away himself. When he wasn't teaching, he frequently left the castle altogether. She had no idea where he went – perhaps to Spinner's End, or perhaps into Hogsmeade, or perhaps he was just wandering the grounds somewhere. In any event, she didn't see much of him, even at meals.

She missed him, and despite her conviction that he would eventually come back and admit the truth, she wondered if he missed her as much. If he did, she had no idea how he could stand it.

Suddenly, without Severus claiming her spare time, she had a lot of it on her hands, and she couldn't quite remember what she had done with leisure hours before she had become involved with him. So, she kept herself as busy as possible with her apprenticeship, and when she found herself with nothing to do there, she sought out Ginny or went to visit Harry or Ron.

Finally, today, on the fourteenth day after that fateful conversation, an entire Saturday stretched out before her. She had just decided, for lack of anything better to occupy her time, to go into Hogsmeade and visit her favorite shops.

When the knock came, mere moments before she was to leave, it startled her. Before she even asked the question, she knew it was him. She whispered a quick prayer that he wouldn't be so stubborn as to end things rather than admit he loved her.

She opened the door, trying not to let her anxiety show. He looked good – serious, but good. She drank him in with her eyes. She really hoped that he had come to terms with his feelings for her.

She said, "Hi."

"Hi," he replied, giving nothing away. "May I – may I come in?" he asked tentatively.

"Of course," she said, stepping back to let him pass.

He looked around, but didn't say anything about the fact that the flowers that had started their conversation two weeks ago were gone. His gaze darted around the room, and he seemed agitated.

Was he here to break up with her for good? Her own anxiety building, she asked, "Would you like some tea? Or ..." she couldn't think of anything else to offer, so she finished lamely, "... anything?"

"No tea, thank you," he said formally, and her heart sank. He didn't sound like he was about to declare his undying love for her. He sounded like he was waiting to speak with his accountant or something. She felt the urge to cry, but she fought it back. She had gambled, and it looked like she had lost, after all. The silence stretched between them, and they stared at each other. "There is something, though," he said after what seemed ages.

In her growing disappointment, she had lost the thread of the conversation. "What?" she asked, mustering her determination not to cry.

"You asked if I wanted tea, or anything, and I said, no tea, but there is something I want."

"Oh," she said, confused. "What can I get you?" How could he be talking about tea at a time like this?

"You," he said.

"Excuse me?" she asked, certain she had misheard him.

"You. I want you," he said.

"Me?" she asked. "You want ... me?"

"Yes," he said. "You said you would be waiting, and I should come to you when I was ready to admit the truth." He shrugged. "Here I am. Are you still waiting?"

For a long moment, she was sure she had misheard him. But then, the meaning of his words washed over her, and suddenly, she understood. She couldn't contain her smile. "You mean ... you ..."

He nodded. "Yes. I do." He said sheepishly, "I can't quite bring myself to say the words. Not yet, anyway. But that doesn't mean it isn't true. It's not any less real." He looked anxious, like he was afraid that she would demand that he say it anyway, or leave him if he refused.

Instead, she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. She thrilled at the feel of his arms closing around her, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe. Not that she cared. She buried her face in his neck, then lifted her lips to his ear. "I love you, I love you, I love you," she whispered, laughing through the tears that were suddenly streaming down her cheeks. "And you don't need to say the words, even though you kinda just did, even though you didn't. You know?" She pulled back to look at him.

Smiling at her babbling, he nodded again. "I know." He gazed into her eyes, and she could see his love for her – for the first time, he wasn't trying to hide or suppress it. He asked, "Does this mean you forgive me for being bigger dunderhead than Longbottom ever was?"

"You're not a dunderhead," she said severely. "You were just ... confused for a while." She smiled broadly again. "And now you're not."

"And now I'm not," he agreed. "Now," he scolded, "I believe you owe me twenty-eight kisses."

She giggled happily. "Twenty-eight, huh?"

"Plus interest," he added as an afterthought.

"Well, I'd better get started, then."

"Yes, I think you'd better," he replied. "The interest rate is unconscionably high, you know, and soon you'll be so far behind that it'll take the rest of your life to catch up."

"The rest of my life?" she asked, stunned. He couldn't possibly mean that the way it sounded, could he? He couldn't really be jumping from unable to admit he loved her all the way to an entire lifetime together.

Could he? She stared at him, wordlessly willing him to clarify what he meant.

"At least," he affirmed, and she stared at him, amazed.

Apparently, he could.

And then, he must have tired of waiting, because he kissed her.

Much later, they lay together in Hermione's bed. Severus savored the feeling of being with her again. He had missed her to a completely undignified degree while he had been thinking things through.

That was, in fact, what had finally convinced him that he might actually be in love with her. He had spent the first week reminding himself of all the reasons he couldn't possibly be in love with her, starting with 'I'm still in love with Lily,' passing right by 'She has terrible taste in friends,' and 'She's far too stubborn and optimistic,' and ending with 'She's an insufferable know-it-all.'

Except, as it turned out, the more he thought about Lily, the more he thought she hadn't been particularly kind to him, and that perhaps he had been in love with his image of her – a sort of idealized version of her that he had invented in his mind – rather than who she really was. Which was, ultimately, a young woman who had been in love with someone else, and who hadn't felt enough for Severus to be willing to forgive him for an admittedly big mistake. She had had good qualities, certainly, but could he really have spent his life loving someone who didn't know – didn't even want to know – everything about him? And who couldn't have accepted all of him if she had known?

And then there was Hermione. He still thought her taste in friends could stand improving, but the Weasley girl wasn't too bad, he supposed, and at least Potter seemed to genuinely care about her. And, truth be told, her stubbornness and optimism weren't really bad qualities, were they? In fact, they were actually rather necessary, weren't they, if she was really going to be happy with him? If she wasn't stubborn, he would unintentionally crush her, and she needed all the optimism she could get, just to balance his cynicism.

And she really wasn't so much a know-it-all as someone who wanted to know it all. Someone who thought they already knew everything wouldn't be as quick to ask questions or to run off to the library as she was – she was just desperately curious about everything. And now that he knew her better, he didn't find it insufferable so much as rather endearing.

She shifted and mumbled in her sleep against him, and he turned his head to look down at the top of her head, where it rested on his chest. He asked softly, "Are you awake?"

She murmured, "Are you really here? 'Cause if you're not, then I'm dreaming again."

He smiled. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere, although we should probably discuss some of your activities that led us here."

She looked up at him, suddenly alert. "Which activities would those be?"

He frowned. "You don't seriously think I'm pleased that you used a spell to read my thoughts, after we discussed the inappropriateness of using Legilimency without permission? And after you clearly stated you had decided to remove all magic from our relationship?"

She colored slightly. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, Severus. Don't try to tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing in my shoes."

"I wouldn't have bothered," he said, then realized she might take that to mean their relationship wasn't important enough. He added, "Why take the time to learn a new spell? No, I'd have used Legilimency, and you wouldn't have known a thing about it."

"You would not," Hermione said. "Not after promising not to. Besides, I would know. And may I remind you that you didn't know I used Fides fidelis until I told you."

He decided to put everything out in the open, although it went against his instincts to do so. If he wanted her to be open and honest with him, after all, he would have to make an effort to be so with her. He said gently, "I hate to tell you, Hermione, but I certainly could use Legilimency on you without your knowledge. To be honest, I already have, and it's the primary reason why I wasn't more upset about the possibility of Potter courting you. I had already seen that your feelings for him were more in the nature of a sibling affection than anything else."

She sat up and glared at him. "Severus, you promised not to use Legilimency on me –"

He cut her off. "It was before I promised."

"Before – before?" she asked incredulously. "When?" she demanded. "And why?"

"It was the first day you came to my lab. Remember?" She nodded once, and he continued, "I was making you some Dreamless Sleep Draught because you had been having what you called 'disturbing dreams', and you were looking at my manuscript – the recipe with the chocolate in it. I started wondering about the dreams – thinking perhaps you were dreaming of a lover – and the next thing I knew, I had already cast the spell. I just needed to know what you felt about Potter and Weasley."

She thought that over, then suddenly, she grinned. "You were jealous! You couldn't stand the thought that I might be dreaming of another man, so you were jealous!"

He felt himself flush, but he didn't try to deny it. "And if I was?"

"Well, it's sweet, but you had no need to be. The dreams were about you, you know." She giggled suddenly. "So, you were jealous of yourself."

He chuckled at that. "I suppose I was." Sobering, he gave her a severe look. "Now, getting back to the original subject, I do not want you using that spell on me again. Nor Legilimency, nor any other kind of magic. And in return for your promise to refrain from all of that, I will promise you the same in return. It won't bode well for our relationship if the only way we can understand one another is through magic instead of through conversation and honest communication." Part of him thought her Gryffindor nature must be rubbing off on him, if he was favoring the straightforward approach over the rather less direct methods he had always used before.

"All right," Hermione agreed immediately. "You do understand that the situation was getting desperate, though, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Severus replied. "I understand why you felt compelled to do it, Hermione, and I'm not angry about it because I think I drove you to it. But falling back on magic to smooth over our problems won't be a good strategy in most circumstances."

"I want you to promise not to try to shut me out like that, then," Hermione said, her tone urgent. "I can handle anything you have to tell me, but I can't promise I won't get desperate again if you shut me out."

"Sweetheart, I was shutting you out because I had convinced myself that if I couldn't give you what you were looking for, I should let you go. I'm hardly likely to forget how we feel about each other, am I?"

"I certainly hope not," she said severely. She looked at him through narrowed eyes, then asked suspiciously, "You won't try to convince me to leave you for my own good or anything ridiculous like that, will you?"

"I'm not that unselfish," Severus declared firmly. "Now that I've laid the ghosts of my past to rest, and my fears are under control, I have no intention of giving you any reason to want to leave."

She grinned. "Good. Now, have I thanked you properly yet for going to see Harry?"

He groaned. "I've been trying to forget I ever did that, thank you very much, and now you've gone and reminded me."

Her grin widened. "You can't fool me, Severus Snape. You're going soft, now that you love me," she teased.

"Going soft, am I?" he asked in a mock growl, and flipped her over onto her back. He kissed her. "I'll show you 'soft,'" he whispered, between nips at her ear, and flexed his hips once to let her feel his rapidly growing arousal. "Now, take it back."

She gasped as he kissed his way down her neck, but managed to say, "Soft, soft, soft," in a singsong voice. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, then pulled up his head to look him in the eye. She said, very seriously, "I really, really missed you, Severus."

He kissed her lingeringly. "I missed you, too," he said. "Let me show you how much." And then there was no more talking for a long, long time.

A/N: I was tempted to put a fluff warning at the beginning of this chapter, but it seemed like that might be a bit of a spoiler, so I opted not to.

We're almost done ... just a (rather lengthy) epilogue to go! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story, and particular thanks to those who review or comment! (I finally caught up on answering reviews! Yay!)