Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Hermione couldn't wait to tell Ginny what she had learned from her conversation with Severus. Fortunately, Ginny had Advanced Transfiguration before lunch, and Hermione was assisting Professor McGonagall, so Hermione was able to catch her as she was packing her books into her pack. "I did it!" she exclaimed, keeping her voice low.

Ginny's face lit up. "You did? I can't believe you've had time to do it already! Tell me everything!"

"Come on, let's grab something from the kitchens and go to my quarters, and I'll tell you all about it."

Ginny readily agreed, and soon they were ensconced in Hermione's room. Hermione took a moment to close the Floo – it wouldn't do to be overheard when discussing such a private topic – and Hermione told Ginny all about the conversation that morning.

Ginny listened raptly as Hermione said, "So when I asked him if he was busy, he said –" Hermione deepened her voice in a credible imitation of Severus's smooth tones – "'As you see.' But I also heard, 'I'm never too busy for you.' And then he asked, 'What are you doing here?' but then I could feel him panicking, and I just knew he was thinking, 'please don't let me drive you away.' So I just told him that I came to say hello, because I hadn't seen him at breakfast, and he said, 'You need to take care of yourself, Hermione. With your schedule, you cannot be skipping meals. I didn't see you at dinner last night, either.' And he was thinking, 'I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you.' And then there was this little voice in my head, and I just knew that deep down, where he can't even see it, there's this bottomless well of love for me, but it's all bound up – blocked from his awareness – by this huge ball of fear." She shook her head, feeling her smile fade at the thought of how hard this must be for him. "I think he's made it even worse for himself, actually – he can't let himself see that he loves me, so he's convinced himself that once I realize that he doesn't, I'll leave him. And of course, since everyone saw us at the Quidditch Ball, he's afraid that everyone will know, and he'll be humiliated."

"Oh, the poor man," Ginny sympathized. "But what are you going to do now?"

Hermione was surprised by the question. "I'm going to do exactly what we discussed, of course. I'm going to remember that this grumpiness of his is because he's scared to death he's going to lose me. Eventually, he'll start to realize that I really, really love him and I'm really here to stay, and then the fear will start to go away and he'll realize he loves me, too, and everything will come right in the end."

Ginny looked skeptical – a bit surprising, considering this had been her idea in the first place – but now that she knew Severus loved her, Hermione wasn't worried.

Ginny didn't argue with Hermione, anyway. She simply said, "All right, then, I suppose I'll start on the other part of the plan. I'll begin sending you notes and gifts, and the gossip will change direction away from you and Snape."

"Are you sure about this, Ginny? Maybe you should send them to yourself, instead. Or I could send them to you."

But Ginny was shaking her head. "No, that would be sure to get back to one of my brothers, and neither Harry nor I would ever hear the end of it. The entire family has been hoping that Harry and I would eventually get back together, you know. No, it's better if it's you. No one who actually knows you two would believe it – you and Harry are more like siblings than anything."

"True," Hermione allowed. "I guess it'll be all right. I'm a little concerned that Severus will forget that, though. He wasn't happy that Harry was staying in my room ..."

"Yes, well, if you're spending every spare moment – waking or sleeping – with Severus, he can hardly think you're sneaking around behind his back, can he?"

"True," Hermione said again. "All right. Let me give you some money."

"Oh, don't worry, I've got it covered."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "How? You don't have any money, last I heard."

Ginny smiled slyly. "That was before I caught Fred and George doing something they really don't want Mum to know about."

"Ginny!" Hermione gasped, appalled.

But Ginny was standing and heading for the door. "Oops, got to go. Don't want to be late for class."

"Ginny!" Hermione said again. But Ginny just gave a little wave and closed the door behind her.

Late Saturday night, Severus lay beside a sleeping Hermione and tried to figure out what was going on. Since her Monday morning visit to his lab, she had been a new woman. Or rather, more like her old self, only with a new self-assurance. Gone were the anxious, pleading looks and the attempts to get him to talk to her. Gone, the sad demeanor and the closed-off emotions and the air of tragic resignation.

Instead, suddenly, she was her quirky self again, but even a more cheerful version. She appeared for meals, sat with him, and talked about all sorts of things – just like she had in those early days, when their relationship had been just starting. It was almost as though she was once again taking the Confidence-Boosting Potion. Except it wasn't, not exactly.

Now, when she said something and he didn't respond, she sympathetically asked, "Oh, bad day? That's okay, you'll feel better later, when you've had a chance to relax." She started coming to see him at all hours again, too. It didn't seem to matter if he was terse and quiet and morose. She just blithely behaved as though she was certain of her welcome. And there was no longer any unspoken pressure for him to respond in any particular way to anything she said or did.

And now, she told him she loved him all the time – several times a day. Whenever she had a moment alone with him, in fact, and sometimes more than once in the same interaction. He didn't have to wait her out or pressure her in any way. She simply told him, unselfconsciously, at random times and places, and there was no longer any awkwardness when he didn't respond.

She began flirting and teasing him again, too. She gave him mischievous looks, and she put a sensual sway in her walk, and when they were alone, she constantly found excuses to touch him – which never failed to arouse him. When she inevitably noticed, she would grin with delight and say something like, "See, Severus! I knew you were happy to see me, even though you were trying to hide it. You might as well stop pretending, you know." And the next thing he knew, they would be snogging like teenagers whose hormones had gone haywire.

So Severus was just plain confused. He couldn't figure out what had happened. He certainly hadn't done anything to merit this new way she was treating him. In fact, initially, he had grown even more silent and more distant. Instead of retreating, she had merely grinned at him, as though she knew a secret and was waiting for him to figure it out.

Try as he might to reason it out, though, he wasn't getting anywhere. He knew his own intelligence, so it was galling to feel as though there was something he was missing – something that she apparently found obvious and incontrovertible.

He had tried several times to force himself to start the conversation he knew he ought to have with her. It really wasn't fair for him to lead her on – not when she thought she was in love with him. He could never quite make himself tell her he didn't love her, though, and he had finally decided he should do something first to show her that, even if he didn't love her, she really was important to him. He had spent hours over the past several days brooding about what he could give her that would send just the right message. In the meantime, he found himself watching to make sure she was eating properly and getting enough rest, and wasn't catching a chill.

And today, he had found himself doing something completely out of character. He didn't know what had possessed him to do such a thing, especially since he had no intention of ever telling anyone about it – not even Hermione. Particularly when he couldn't, even all these hours later, bring himself to think about it himself. It was completely unbearable to admit it into his consciousness – he had even considered Obliviating himself to ensure he would never have to think of it again.

Clearly, he was going soft.

At least the students weren't whispering about him anymore, though, as far as he could tell. He heard snippets of conversations as he walked by, most of which suggested their attention was now firmly focused on the love life of Harry Potter. If he was hearing correctly, Potter was trying to court someone, who apparently had the good taste not to be interested. He kept hearing about little gifts the young fool was sending to his newly-discovered amour – chocolates, flowers, trinkets, even potions – although Severus thought the girl, whoever she was, would be wise not to use the potions. Potter hadn't exactly earned top marks in Potions class.

Now, Hermione stirred in her sleep, and Severus returned to his original concern – what was going on with Hermione? She rolled over and opened one eye slightly. Seeing he was awake, she mumbled, "Stop worrying and go to sleep." Her eye immediately slid shut again; within seconds, she was deeply asleep again. He smiled slightly – she was so adorable that he couldn't help it, especially when no one would see him and think he was going soft (even if he was).

Deciding he may as well take her advice, since he was getting nowhere in his ruminations anyway, he kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Good night, Hermione."

Pulling her closer into his arms, he finally relaxed into sleep. His last conscious thought was that apparently, he had been wrong in thinking she was about to end things with him.

Hermione awoke the next morning in Severus's bed, feeling generally pleased with life. She had discovered, much to her surprise, that after that five minute conversation with Severus under the Fides fidelis spell, she no longer worried even a little bit whether Severus loved her. It was so obvious that she couldn't believe a woman of her intelligence could have missed it. She saw evidence of it everywhere, despite his continuing general grumpiness. She now thought that even if he told her flat out that he didn't love her and never would, she wouldn't believe him.

The proof was there in all sorts of ways, large and small, now that she was looking. The final proof had come with what Ginny had told her last evening. She smiled to herself. He would never, in a million years, have done that if he weren't in love with her.

Stretching, she looked over at him where he slept peacefully beside her. He looked so young and boyish when he was asleep. He was utterly adorable, really.

"You're staring," he said, without opening his eyes. She grinned. He was finding it harder and harder to keep her at a distance.

"So what if I am?" she replied saucily. "I like watching you sleep."

"I'm not asleep," he pointed out. "Who could possibly sleep with someone staring at them?"

She giggled. "I wouldn't know. No one stares at me while I sleep."

"You think not?" he asked skeptically, opening one eye. "Then perhaps one can sleep with someone staring, since I watch you sleep all the time."

"Really?" she asked, delighted. "Why?"

"Because I like watching you sleep," he replied, parroting her earlier comment. "Although, usually, I'm wishing you would wake up."

"Really?" she asked, rolling over to drape herself half across him. "And why would you want that? I'm cranky when I don't get enough sleep," she confided.

He smiled slightly. "I know," he said, "But you're really rather sexy when you're cranky. And I enjoy the challenge of putting you into a better frame of mind."

He slid his hand down her back. She shivered in response, then she gave him a wicked grin. "I do believe I enjoy the challenge of putting you in a better frame of mind, too."

A bark of laughter escaped him. He said, "You've certainly had your work cut out for you, lately."

Her smile widened. "Oh, you noticed you were cranky, did you?"

"It was rather impossible for me to miss it – although you've seemed unfazed lately." Frowning, he asked, "I've been trying to figure out why that suddenly changed, and I can't come up with anything."

She said, "I wondered if you'd noticed that."

"It was impossible to miss," he said again, turning to look at her fully. "One day, you were depressed and miserable, and the next, everything was fine. And you were suddenly impervious to my bad mood." He paused. "I don't suppose you'd care to tell me what changed?"

She smiled sweetly. "No, I don't think I'll share that just yet." She ran a hand down his side, then rubbed herself sinuously against him. "In fact, I'm rather certain that you'll figure it out on your own, when you're ready, so perhaps I'll wait for you to tell me."

He frowned again. "I really wish you would just tell me. It's driving me mad, not knowing."

She kissed his frown away. "You'll survive, I'm sure." She kissed him again, more deeply this time, and swung her leg over him, then sat up astride him. "Now, why don't we focus on why we're both so happy that you woke up nice and early?"

Giving up for the moment, he ran his finger down the front of her body, enjoying the way she responded instantly to his touch by arching her back to give him easier access. "Yes, why don't we?" he murmured, beginning to kiss her in earnest.

Really, Hermione thought much later, sometimes the best conversations required no words at all.

Later that morning, Severus finally heard exactly who Harry Potter was courting. He tried to tamp down the fury that swept through him, he really did.

Just who did Potter think he was, trying to steal Severus's woman?

And after all the effort Severus had put into being civil, too.

Never mind that he and Hermione hadn't actually made an explicit commitment to one another. Or that Severus had been so certain it would be better if no one knew about his relationship with Hermione. Or that Severus wasn't actually in love with Hermione himself.

She was still his, and Potter certainly knew it. So perhaps this was Potter's way of trying to pick a fight. It was possible that Potter actually wanted Hermione for himself, but it seemed more likely to Severus that the fool just wanted her away from him. Potter simply wasn't smart enough to realize what a treasure Hermione was.

Still, why hadn't Hermione told him that Potter was courting her? It hadn't occurred to him until just now that they had been spending all their available time in Severus's quarters this week, rather than Hermione's. Not that she had been turning him away, or anything, but she always came to him since the change in her attitude, thus obviating the need for him to go to her. Certainly, he would have noticed all the gifts Potter had, according to gossip, been sending to her if he had been in her room at all this week. He couldn't help wondering if that was why she had suddenly started seeking him out again.

Severus took a breath and tried to think rationally about this. It didn't make sense. Why would Hermione hide Potter's interest in her? She said she loved Severus – said it so often, in fact, and so freely, that he was actually starting to believe her. Besides, all those weeks ago, when he had slipped into her mind, he had seen quite clearly that she viewed Potter as a sibling. That seemed unlikely to have changed suddenly, didn't it?

And her behavior lately certainly backed up her avowals of love. She was happy with Severus, this past week or so. She always acknowledged his bad moods, yet seemed to see past them – past his rudeness and his generally distant demeanor. Rather than let his mood ruin hers – or drive her away – she responded only to the part of him that desperately and deeply wanted her company. He found that this soothed his fear that she didn't really know her own mind, that when she finally got clear about her own desires, she would realize she didn't love him at all – that it was all a mistake.

So her newly found ability to soothe his deepest fears and grant him his deepest desires had begun to crack his resistance to the idea that she really was in love with him. And she seemed so happy that he was slowly giving up the idea that he ought to let her go. If she was happy and in love with him, and he cared deeply for her, where was the harm in keeping her with him?

But now, Severus was having trouble figuring out where Potter's sudden pursuit of her might factor in. Could Potter's interest have been responsible for her sudden shift in behavior? He supposed it might increase her confidence in her own appeal, but that didn't explain why she suddenly seemed so sure that Severus wanted her around.

If it were anyone else, he might have thought that she was playing some sort of game with him, but this was Hermione. It simply didn't add up. He couldn't imagine her doing such a thing, and even if she wanted to, she wasn't a good enough liar to carry it off. Not to mention, she hadn't had any time to see Potter behind his back – and even if she had had the time, Severus knew she wouldn't do something like that. Not to him or to anyone else.

Sighing, anger cooling back into the seemingly perpetual confusion that accompanied his thoughts about Hermione these days, Severus realized he would simply have to ask her. It was the only way he was going to figure out what was going on.

So, for the first time in days, Severus went looking for Hermione before she came looking for him.