Got To Get You Into My Life

Chapter 7: Got to Get You Into My Life

Severus was amazed at how sharp his vision became as he searched for Hermione. The buzzing in his ears faded to a hum, and his senses slowly returned to normal. Then he was hit with the reality of what he'd almost done. He stopped mid-stride and braced his arm against the side of the inn.

What have you been up to since the war, Severus?

Oh, not much... public indecency... deflowering innocent students...

Alright, so that might be a tad melodramatic. Hermione was no longer his student, and she was well beyond the age of consent. And there certainly wasn't anything innocent in the way she'd kissed. The issue of deflowering was likely a moot point. Nevertheless, he'd been minutes away from pounding her against a wall in what could hardly be deemed a private setting. He'd acted like an animal, without any thought to consequence and caring for nothing but instant gratification.

He shook his head and pushed away from the building, surprised when a scrap of blue fabric fell from his hand. He bent to retrieve the torn knickers and stuffed them into his pocket. Cavemen were probably capable of more tenderness than he had just managed. She was not some broodmare to be mounted and coupled: she was an intelligent woman who undoubtedly deserved better. He ordered his feet forward. In the distance, a bushy-haired brunette leant against a tree in the small park, arms wound around her midriff despite the warmth of the afternoon.

"I thought you might have Apparated," he said when he reached her.

"I considered it," she told him. Her flushed face looked remorseful. He wondered where her regret rested...in the reality of what had almost happened, or in the loss of what had not happened.

Several moments passed in awkward silence. Longing still flooded his system, his limbs tingled from the rush of adrenaline. He couldn't begin to imagine what she was thinking, although he doubted it involved finishing what they'd started.

"What made you decide to stay?" he asked at length.

"I wanted to thank you for flying me here."

He smiled at her, his blood heating once more. "Perhaps you'd prefer to thank me in private?" It wasn't the most sophisticated of propositions, but he wasn't likely to be given a better opening.

The sight of her shy smile relieved him. At least she wasn't rejecting him entirely.

"This is going to sound incredibly hypocritical, given my recent behaviour," she began, "but I'm really not that kind of girl."

Some part of him knew that already, and another part...the part that was annoyingly noble and didn't understand the frustration of an ignored erection...was actually pleased by the confirmation that Hermione Granger valued men for more than the mere scratching of an itch. Somehow, the idea of his brightest student favouring completely meaningless sex had been inexplicably depressing.

"For what it's worth, the same applies to me," he told her.

"You're not that kind of girl either?" she asked.

He smirked and clarified, "I am not often moved to such reckless behaviour. I never just ... lose control... like that."

He wondered if she appreciated the tremendous amount of power he'd bestowed upon her with such an admission. She studied him for a moment and then nodded, as if she'd just made up her mind about something.

"I appreciate your candour," she said, her tone formal.

It was not what he'd expected her to say, and he waited for something further. When she remained silent, he deduced that she was indeed dismissing him, and his lips pursed. Old wounds reopened, sharp and all too familiar. She had used him, and he had allowed it...encouraged it, even. He should have known he couldn't trust her. "Are we done, then? You've taken what you needed and offered an appropriate payment for such?"

She winced. The colour drained from her face as she shook her head.

Fuck. Why couldn't he stop himself from lashing out like that? Once again, he had overreacted. He regretted his words, hating the bitterness that choked him whenever his vulnerabilities were attacked.

Closing his eyes, he inclined his head towards her and said, "My apologies. That was uncalled for."

She blinked several times and frowned, apparently taken aback. "I only wanted to thank you for your honesty."

"You're welcome," he replied. He kept his tone formal, as she had done earlier. Crossing his arms, he told her, "I'm certain you're anxious to return to the Ministry. You owe me nothing, and you may trust that I will mention this to no one."

Her frown deepened. She looked as if he had somehow wounded her further. "You're dismissing me?" she asked.

"You seemed eager to be rid of me a few moments ago," he pointed out. He would never understand the mysteries of a woman's mind.

She cocked her head to the side and regarded him. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.

He leant towards her face, as if he might kiss her, and whispered. "I thought I made my wants quite obvious."

She opened her mouth with a soft gasp, releasing the lip she'd been worrying from her teeth. Her smile seemed to grow with her confidence. "I wasn't asking if you wanted to shag me behind the inn. I believe we both know the answer to that question."

He returned her smile but said nothing.

Frowning slightly, she shifted towards him until they were nearly touching. She lowered her voice, whispering despite the solitude. "Speaking of which, you haven't seen my knickers, have you?" she asked.

"No," he lied automatically, albeit inexplicably. Raising his eyebrows at her in a disapproving manner he said, "Portkeys... brooms... knickers... you appear to have quite a problem keeping track of your belongings."

"Yes, well, I had help on the last bit," she said.

It was time to change the subject. "I believe we were discussing our wants. Since you don't appear to be in any hurry to leave, tell me... What, precisely, do you want?"

She went back to chewing her lip, watching him with narrowed eyes. "Well... would you be interested in... um... seeing me?" she asked.

"I can see you just fine," he replied. "You're the one with the vision problem."

She chuckled and placed her palms on his chest. "I meant more along the lines of seeing me in a relationship... with you... together," she explained.

Aha!

He stepped back and experienced a surprising pang of regret when her hands fluttered to her sides. Disappointment drew her face down, and she seemed embarrassed by what she'd suggested.

The entire idea of being in a relationship was unappealing, although he'd never actually tried it. But he'd heard enough horror stories to form a very strong opinion. It sounded like one enormous headache after another. He suspected the woman before him would make things interesting, but he was hardly in a position to go around courting witches half his age.

"I'm hardly in a position to go around courting witches half my age," he told her, instantly wondering why that had sounded so much better in his head.

"So your answer is 'no'?" she asked.

He regarded her carefully, uncertain of his reply. He had no desire to commit himself to a relationship with Hermione Granger. The mere formation of that thought sounded wrong on several levels. But he didn't care for the idea of never seeing her again, either, as that would necessarily preclude the possibility of future trysts. He much preferred to keep his options open.

Her lips quirked into a mischievous grin, and her eyes sparkled. "You don't have to decide now. Being half your age and all, I have plenty of time to wait."

He raised an eyebrow and glowered at her, disappointed when she appeared unaffected by his expression. He must be losing his touch.

Her tone became business-like. "No doubt you'll want to take your time to weigh the pros and cons, the benefits and the drawbacks," she said. "You'll need to analyse the situation for potential pitfalls before you can form a proper opinion on whether or not to pursue me further."

Words eluded him. His head spun from the speed at which she could transition from guileless to saucy. He shouldn't have found the combination of hesitation and self-confidence so charming, yet she intrigued him beyond all reason.

She continued, "I feel it's only fair to warn you, though: I've done the years of pining away for someone who never truly appreciated me, and I've done the torrid affair that burns hot and ends fast. I'm not interested in either of those things now."

After a moment of deliberation, he could no longer contain his curiosity. Although he suspected he would regret the answer, he asked, "What exactly are you interested in, then?"

"I thought I made my wants quite obvious," she said with a cheeky smile. Although she used the same words he had spoken earlier, he doubted they meant the same thing now.

"Enlighten me," he said, inclining his head. His hands clenched as dread filled him.

My thanks to Karelia for her beta skills. If there are any errors, it's only because I've made some revisions since the initial submission of this story back in November. Can't. Stop. Editing.