Beatrise’s Sexy Snape T-shirts by beaweasley2

Beatrise's Sexy Snape T-shirts by beaweasley2

I want to give a great big thank you hug to MadBrilliant for combing through this to point out my numerous errors and help me make this presentable for reading. You're the best, thank you!

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Beatrise Bedsworth was as different from her identical twin as they come. For one thing, she liked to change her hair to outrageous colors. She was more carefree, liked gardening, small animals, and cooking, and wanted to have a bakery after she left Hogwarts.

Bernise wore her honey-blond colored hair natural, usually in a clip, ponytail, or braided. She was the studious one, efficient, quiet, and never left her essay for the last minute like Beatrise did. Not that Beatrise didn't get her essays in on time, but she was always up the night before finishing them. Both girls were tall and thin, plain but somewhat pretty, Beatrise supposed. Beatrise relied more on her personality with the guys rather than her looks; Bernie was generally too busy to notice them much. Besides, Bernie still repined for Charlie Wentworth, the Slytherin prefect who graduated last year. Not that she had any hope of that panning out. She would have better luck with Randal Blaine or even Terrance Blackhall. But Bernie always liked the older guys. Oh, well.

Beatrise sat on her bed and reread her card again, idly rolling a strand of hair around her finger. 'Anonymously send Snape a box of chocolates filled with Orgasm-Inducing Potion. Make sure you take pictures next Potions lesson.' I recall a Gryffindor who has a camera, that little tyke, Greely... Creely...something like that. 'Develop it in photo shop at school so the pictures move. Proceed to blackmail Snape with said photographs.' Great and get expelled! 'Make posters of the best one for everyone playing. Have everyone in the group wear a T-shirt/shirt that has a picture of Snape on it.' That's easy enough. I can mail them from home... after I'm expelled! She closed her eyes and then groaned, again, for the third time. Take pictures during Potions lessons? I don't have Advanced Potions, Bernise does. She fell back against her pillows and covered her eyes with her arm. Unless I get some help, and Bernie agrees to switch places with me, I'll never pull this off.

There is that little tyke in Slytherin house that has a camera, and he takes pictures of everyone, all over the place. That bucked-toothed kid, what's-his-name... He's an option. Surely I could get him in on the first half of the prank, well... the second part. First, she had to get the Orgasm-Inducing Potion, or brew one, and find some way to make Severus Snape, the most feared professor in the castle, scowling, sneering, git of the dungeons, take the potion. Oh, yeah, that will be a snap! Like giving a dragon Cough Potion with a baster! Why couldn't I have had 'hit Snape over the head with a rolling pin' and be done with it?

At least she had some time. The card wasn't glowing...yet. Beatrice decided she'd appeal to Emma about the potion. Bernise may have Potions, but talking her into doing something against the rules was too much aggravation, unless she could get both Emma and Bernie to agree. So, first step, the library to find said potion, then figure out how to give it to Snape so he'd eat it. Eat it! Oh, Circe, I'm brilliant...fudge! No, something hollow that can be filled with a potion... truffles! I make the world's best truffles! Orgasm-Inducing fudge truffles. Delivery system solved! I can charm them to be irresistible and put them in a Honeydukes box. And just leave them on his desk before class, he'll eat one before the class is up, and I'll have that kid take a few pictures!

Beatrise felt like flying.

Actually, she felt like running down to the dungeons and trying to find Emma.

Too bad it was midnight.

***** *****

Beatrise was never an early riser; she was a night owl. So she'd made a note hover over Bernie's bed, asking her twin to wake her when she woke up. Bernie woke her by yanking her pillow out from under her head, plopping it down on her face, and crying out, "You said that I was to wake you, so get up, you lazy git!"

"Wa-what?" Beatrise asked, pushing her pillow aside.

"It's dawn," Bernie said, softer than her wake up.

"Oh, yeah, righ,' 'awn," Beatrise yawned as she stretched. "Thanks." As soon as Beatrise was able to think coherently, she smiled at her sister and hurriedly dressed so she could send owls off to a few shops and one to Emma.

"So, are you going to tell me, or am I to guess?" Bernie asked, already starting on her revision.

Beatrise sat on the side of her bed. "It's my dare. Okay, look, I have to slip Snape a potion and take pictures of him."

"You what?" her sister asked, surprised.

Beatrise summoned her card and handed it to Bernie. "I will have to impersonate you in Potions..."

"No."

"Yes, I have to! Please."

"No, I'll get a zero for the day!"

"You sit next to Emma! She can help me!" Beatrise pleaded. "Besides, one zero won't hurt your grades!" Bernie was about to refuse again. "Think about what Fred and George would dish out as a consequence and then picture that in our family album...me, purple, with an elephrant trunk for the rest of our lives. Of course, then everyone would be able to tell us apart... or I could just make myself look like you for the week and follow Randal Blaine around, leaving him love notes and making puppy eyes!"

"You wouldn't!" Bernie screeched, and Beatrise knew she had her sister...she'd be in. There was no way Bernie wanted Randal thinking she had changed her mind and would go out with him. "Okay, you would. One day...one! You'll have only one shot at this, so it better be good!"

Beatrise hugged her sister. "You're the greatest!" She jumped up and hurried to the owlery with her letter, telling Emma that she wanted help brewing her potion and impersonating her sister in Potions class when it was her turn.

At breakfast, the owls swooped in and the great horned owl Beatrise had chosen landed right in front of Emma. A few minutes later, the owl swooped over to her. 'Okay, sure,' Emma had written down. Yes! Phase one, check!

***** *****

Beatrise sat next to Austrina and Sally in the common room, revising. Emma had been more than happy to help her make the Orgasm-Inducing Potion as long as she got a few of the truffles. Beatrise didn't have to be asked twice. Her half of the truffles was upstairs in her trunk, six boxed and ready for Snape with an Irresistibility Charm on them for good measure. She only hoped that Snape liked chocolates. Now she was second-guessing herself. She'd noticed that Snape hadn't eaten any of the desserts this week and couldn't be sure if he ever had.

Bernise looked up and scowled at her. "You're being very industrious about this prank aren't you?"

"I do not want to have an elephrant trunk for the rest of my life!" Beatrise answered, trying to finish her essay that was due in the morning.

"So who's taking the picture for you?" Austrina asked.

"I've two lined up, Colin over there and that Archie kid," Beatrise said, checking a fact in her book.

"Archie?" Austrina asked, apparently not sure who he was.

"Slytherin, third-year, bucked-toothed," Beatrise replied, checking a fact in her book.

"What?" Sally asked. "The one that is always trying get a picture of all the girls topless?"

Bernise looked up, her eyes going wide as saucers. "Bea, you didn't!"

"I said I'd take off my top; I never promised to remove my bikini," Beatrise said, not looking up at her sister on purpose. No point, she knew her sister wouldn't approve.

"You didn't!" Bernie gasped as Sally exclaimed, "Your bikini!"

"The green one or the red?" Bernie asked. "Well, either one is as good as topless: they don't cover you!"

"They do too! Well, enough." Beatrise looked at Bernie, hoping to drop the subject of her string bikini. "Right! Okay. My card is glowing yellow, so tomorrow, we switch. I'm you for Potions; you're me in Magical Hearth and Home."

"I'm so going to regret this," Bernie groaned, picking up Beatrise's magical cooking book for Magical Hearth and Home class.

***** *****

Beatrise had checked her image in the mirror three times before class. Archie and Colin had stood in the girls' loo, looking for all the world as if they'd been invited into no man's land. They were currently both Disillusioned, and they would earn five Sickles each if they got the picture. Bernise had been hexed by Carl Wolt just yesterday and was actually glad to spend the day magically cooking since her left hand was still numb. Emma had waited patiently as Beatrise checked her braids, giving Beatrise all kinds of instructions about Potions, not that it was going to help any. She wasn't any good at Potions.

Thankfully, all the other girls knew about the switch, so at least there was back up if a distraction was needed. Carlie, Robin, Margarite, Domina, still in her armor, Sally, and Marianne were all milling around as Beatrise opened the door, allowing the two Disillusioned boys to walk in with the girls so they could hide near the door and sink. The girls all walked up to the front to leave their essays on Snape's desk, Beatrise depositing Bernie's essay on the growing pile. Margarite asked Snape if she could borrow a stirring rod because she'd accidently snapped hers, and Beatrise slyly left the box of truffles on the corner of his desk, next to his inkwell, when he'd turned to withdraw one from the cupboard near his desk. Beatrise deftly activated the Irresistibility Charm, then doubled the charm just in case, and hurried to follow Emma and Carlie to their places before Snape had returned to hand Margarite the rod.

Vera eyed Beatrise speculatively and turned her head. Of the lot, she was the only one reluctant to help, but only because she was afraid that Snape wouldn't let her out of her engagement. Robin and Domina were standing next to Vera, so it was really down to Margarite, Sally, Carlie, and Emma to help Beatrise fake it well enough so that Snape didn't know Bernie and she had switched.

As luck would have it, Snape was teaching Horner's Solution for Horner's Cutaneous Horn Syndrome. "A hard, horny outgrowth from the skin, or... A common side effect originating from a cursed scar tissue..." Beatrise read over the instructions as her Quotes Quill wrote down every word Professor Snape said.

"He's looking at you!" Emma hissed. Beatrise kept her head down as she pretended to be writing away.

"Miss Bedsworth, what are the main active ingredients for the potion?"

Beatrise swallowed. She scanned the directions quickly. "Carrot juice for the keratin, and Hippocampus skin for the... er... collagen, sir."

"Incorrect," Snape sneered. "Miss Whitby, would you please enlighten her?"

"Hippocampus cartilage for the collagen and millweed milk for the calcium," Emma said, "but she did get the carrot juice right, sir."

"Correct, ten points to Slytherin," Snape said, then looked at Beatrise again, "and ten points from Gryffindor. Miss Bedsworth, what is the ingredient we will be using that must be handled with care or you'd kill us all?"

That's easy. Beatrise inhaled before answering. "Spindle tuna, sir. The oil of the fish reacts badly with any ingredient that has sugar or fructose."

Snape nodded and turned his attention on another student. "Good guess," Emma whispered.

"Favorite dish," Beatrise answered. She looked inside her cauldron. The base was slowly simmering, and she was ready to begin the potion.

"Your bases should be ready now; you may begin," Snape said as he sat down at his desk.

Beatrise crossed her fingers and began adding in the first ingredient. Carlie, on her other side, hissed when Beatrise picked up the pepper seeds, and she looked down at the directions. "Pypher seeds, not pepper seeds," she mumbled. "Thanks." She picked up her seeds, about to dump them in.

"Uh uh," Carlie whispered, barely audibly. "Ground."

Cringing, Beatrise quickly grabbed her mortar, barely grinding the seeds properly before they had to be added.

Emma snickered at her, "So far, so good.

Beatrise sliced up the Hippocampus cartilage with ease and set it aside as she prepared her anise. She almost added the cartilage too late if it hadn't been for Emma's cough.

"Quiet," barked Snape. Beatrise looked up and noticed that the box of truffles lay untouched on his desk. She swore softly. This isn't going well. He needs to eat them!

Taking her wand out, she slyly nudged the box on his desk and quickly dropped her hand. Snape looked up just as she was exchanging her wand for her stirring rod. She noticed Emma's raised eyebrow and the slight jerk of her head. Oops, the cartilage! The potion frothed and sputtered, and Beatrise held her breath as she stirred.

"Anise...now!" Emma coughed, and Beatrise simply dumped it in, rather than gently laying it on the surface. The potion frizzled, and the froth rose higher.

She was trying to figure out how to keep the froth down when she was only allowed three turns of the rod when Carlie said, "He did it."

"Did what?" Beatrise asked, now worried. The potion was still frothing, nearly rising to the rim of the caldron.

"Add more juice," Emma suggested as Carlie said, "Get your rod out!" Beatrise tried to do both, dumping in the carrot juice as she yanked her rod out.

"Is there a problem, ladies?" Snape asked, swallowing as he approached the worktable. The timer indicated that the pepper seeds should be added, so Beatrise set down her rod and dumped in the pepper seeds. "Miss..." he said as Beatrise grabbed the glass and dumped in the spindle fish oil. "Add the milk, you idiot girl!" His wand was out in a second as Beatrise grabbed the glass and dumped in the milk.

Snape staggered backwards, landing against the worktable behind him. His face was in a grimace, almost as if he was in pain. Beatrise's potion seemed to calm momentarily, then a huge bubble formed, popped, and reformed. "Sir?" Beatrise asked, far more worried about the huge bubble in her cauldron than the fact that Snape was having difficulty standing. Neither Emma's nor Carlie's potions were making huge bubbles!

Small clicks of a camera could be heard as the bubble burst again, making a belching sound, this time splashing Beatrise, Emma, Carlie, and Snape with dark orange goo. Vera whipped her wand out and vanished the mess on Snape and her friends. But it was Snape's expression that had the girls entranced. There was no mistaking that look. Snape was having an orgasm. A flash of light, well, possibly two or three went off and there was a general scurrying sound as the potion in Beatrise's cauldron made a loud belching sound again. Thankfully, the belch covered the clicks and distracted everyone from the dual flashes of the two cameras. Once again, Beatrise's potion grew a huge bubble that popped with a loud belch and splashed on everyone standing near.

"Scourgify!" Vera managed to cast as the potion sent up another wave of the potion. She deftly cleaned up herself, Beatrise, Emma, Carlie, and Snape by the time Snape had managed to gain his feet again.

"You, detention...tonight!" he growled out angrily. "You three, clean this up. Miss Bedsworth, you will receive a zero for today's potion, and I want a four-foot essay of what you did wrong...by Monday! Now. Get. Out!"

Beatrise started to clean up her workspace. "NOW!" snapped Snape and she turned and scurried away, almost tripping on a small form that was hurrying out the door in front of her.

"I got it! I got it!" Colin's voice rang out in the corridor as soon as the door to the Potions classroom closed.

"Thank Merlin!" Beatrise said, ending the charm on the boy.

"I did too!" Archie said, the pats of his trainers sounding like he was jumping with excitement.

"Hold still so I can find you!" Beatrise snapped, aiming for the sound his voice.

The boy's grin was huge when the spell was removed. "So I get my picture, right?"

"Yeah, you get the picture...exactly as we bargained," Beatrise said, crossing her fingers behind her back. "Let's go develop the thing, shall we?"

***** *****

As it turned out, both boys got excellent pictures of Severus Snape, in mid-orgasmic bliss, but truthfully, it was the semi-euphoric, post-coital expression that must have happened just before Snape had put her in detention that Beatrise liked best. Somehow, Colin had captured a nearly happy, content looking Snape. It was perfect. The picture was sent out to Elladora's Shirt Magic by owl that very day. The other pictures, the ones that were the best of the lot, were blown up into poster size, one for each of Beatrise's friends and both boys.

When Beatrise knocked on Snape's door that night after dinner, Mr. Filch answered, saying that Professor Snape was unavoidably unable to oversee her detention. Beatrise had to stifle a laugh at the realization that she'd forgotten to remove the Irresistibility Charm on her Orgasm-Inducing fudge truffles, as Filch led her to the third floor corridor where a mop and bucket awaited. She knew the truffles with her special chocolate fudge filling, which she'd used to hold the potion in the chocolate egg-shaped shell, were awesome, and few could resist her truffles once they'd had one, but to think of Snape eating all six nearly made her giddy. Wait until Margarite and Sally hear about this – wait till I tell everyone! Oh, Phyllis is gonna hex me! Needless to say, her back and shoulders were aching by the time she finished the corridor.

The next morning, thankfully, a Saturday, bright orange packages from Elladora's with the T-shirts arrived at breakfast. Snape was suspiciously missing as he was at lunch. Rumors abounded that Bernise Bedsworth had poisoned the Potions professor, making Bernie quite angry with her twin. Beatrise sent word out to all the girls to meet up at the Room of Requirement to get their shirts. Vera was nervous about wearing hers and carefully concealed the shirt under her robes.

By dinner, Snape made an appearance, looking tired and cranky, well, crankier than normal. So much so, even the other professors left him alone. A few of the girls wore their T-shirts with their jeans under their robes; only Vera kept her robes closed tightly to cover the picture of Snape. As dinner concluded, Beatrise headed to the library to work on the essay Snape demanded of her. It wasn't fair to dump it on Bernise after all, even though Bernise insisted on helping. What was unexpected was the number of students who wanted a Snape T-shirt. Somehow word got out that the shirts were for sale, and by the next morning, owls were dropping several dozen orange packages around the Great Hall. By lunch, more owls appeared, and dozens of students were sporting Snape T-shirts.

Beatrise wondered how she was ever going to blackmail Snape about the pictures now. She was sitting next to Margarite, Austrina, and Sally in the Great Hall for dinner, worrying her thumb as she told them about her plan to try and blackmail Snape.

"Are you nuts?" Sally asked, laughing. "The shirts are a hit! Snape with a goofy expression! Who knew they'd be such a smash! Marianne was saying that a dozen girls in her house have asked her where they could get one! And Emma and Carlie were asked by dozens in their house! Phyllis and Robin said that they were asked as well in Ravenclaw! I heard several kids asking about them in the library."

"Actually, I was thinking about the posters," Beatrise said. Bernise gave her a glare from across the table. "The T-shirts don't move much. But the posters...well, you have one! He's actually coming down from the orgasm, smiles briefly, has this content happy look on his face, and then snarls. But the look on his face!"

"I know! Phyllis is delighted with hers!" Margarite said, laughing. "Sadie told me she hung it in her bed so she could watch him every night."

"Okay, that girl needs help!" Sally stated.

"Oh, it's not so bad. Colin hung his on the door so all the boys in his dorm could see it!" Beatrise said. "I think they are using it as a dart board."

Austrina had to cover her mouth so that she didn't burst out laughing.

"That's got to be stopped. I'll have a word with the prefect," Bernise said and then froze, her jaw dropping open slightly.

All three girls looked over their shoulder to see what had caught her attention. Professor Snape, a very angry Professor Snape, was standing right behind them. "You four, follow me."

Wordlessly, Beatrise, Bernise, Sally, and Austrina rose and followed Snape out of the Great Hall. As the doors closed, he rounded on them. "Which of you is responsible for the T-shirts?"

Beatrise swallowed as she prepared to confess.

"Do not deny it! I know it was a Gryffindor!" he said, glaring at each one of them in turn. "One of you four, you were pointed out by a second-year in the library."

Beatrise looked at the floor. She couldn't get her dorm mates in trouble for her prank. "I suppose you could say it was me," Beatrise admitted, her body stiffening as she waited to be cursed.

Snape crossed his arms. "You three...leave," he snapped, his dark eyes never leaving Beatrise's face.

She swallowed nervously.

Sally mouthed, 'Good luck,' and Austrina gave her arm a squeeze as they both hurried back into the Great Hall.

When the door closed, the silence could be cut with a spoon. "Now you will tell me where you got the T-shirts and how."

"Am I going to be expelled, sir?" Beatrise managed to croak out. Her mouth so dry her lips stuck together.

"That depends," he said, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

She was on thin ice and knew he was ready to throw the book at her. "On?"

"Answer my question!" he snapped irritably, his hands falling to his sides in fists.

"If you don't expel me, I could hook you up with a good wizard barrister who could make sure you receive royalties for the shirts... sir." Her voice cracked as he glared at her. "He's an uncle... of mine... really good one... Elladora's Shirts Magic, sir." He crossed his arms as his scowl seemed to become more dangerous. "They sell for four Galleons each, two additional Sickles if you want overnight delivery. By right you should make at least fifteen percent of the sales and have reproduction rights..."

"Where did the picture come from?" he asked, his voice soft and arctic cold.

Beatrise swallowed again and shrugged. "I have it, sir," she admitted. Oh, Merlin, I have to bribe him with the picture to meet the requirement... "If you don't expel me, I'll give it to you...and the negatives..."

A tick showed in his jaw as he clenched his teeth together. "You will give me the negative and destroy the picture! And you will be spending your nights, every night for a week, with me in detention."

"And the royalties, sir?" she asked, trying to sound hopeful and failing miserably.

He inhaled deeply and Beatrise felt her heart fall into her stomach. "I have a barrister, girl. I will be pursuing this matter. Now get out of my sight!"

Beatrise nodded and turned for the doors to the Great Hall.

"No," he barked.

She whipped around.

"Go to your common room."

She hurried past him and headed for the stairs. It didn't matter; she'd slip into the kitchens as soon as he was inside. At least she wasn't expelled over this. Oh, gods, Carlie has to do another one... or is it Phyllis who's next? Phyllis I think. She pulled out her card and was relieved to see the letters had finally turned green! Whew. Okay. Merlin be with you, Phyllis. But I'm done. Thankfully!

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And the fun continues...

Author's notes:

The uses of elephrant is intentional. An elephrant is smaller than an elephant, has little tusks, and are usually confused with a baby elephant by Muggles. Their skin makes good gardening gloves, but they are difficult to hunt. Elephrants have exceptional hearing, great eyesight, and can sense predators, Muggles, and wizards from great distances, often warning the herd they travel with. The larger elephants also confuse the little elephrants as their young and become really quite protective of them. Okay, yes, I made that all up.

My prompt was:

# 22 Anonymously send him a box of chocolates filled with Orgasm-Inducing Potion. Make sure you take pictures next Potions lesson. (I recall a Gryffindor who has a camera) Develop it in photo shop at school so the pictures move. Proceed to blackmail Snape with said photographs. Make posters of the best one for the girls. Have everyone in the group wear a T-shirt/shirt that has a picture of him on it.