Show Me the Way of My Heart

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter Twelve: Show Me the Way of My Heart

Hermione left the Headmaster's office to retrieve Sebastian from Poppy and Professor McGonagall. She had so much to think about now, so much to process with all the new revelations she had discovered within the last hour. She let her thoughts stray, not even noticing the headmaster's silent pass, or remembering exiting the gargoyle's passage, until she found herself at the infirmary's door.

She stopped short as voices and laughter drifted through the heavy wood, and she realized where she was. She felt silly wondering around the castle in a half-dazed trance, but as the affable laughter floated to her, she felt something warm caress over her. A calming, relief-like feeling of... contentment? She shook her head. No, perhaps 'safe' would be a better description of how she felt now. She knew that whatever happened from now on, she would never have to worry about her or Sebastian's safety.

Severus would be there to care for and to protect them. Of that, she had no doubt. He was fiercely loyal, and from what she knew of him, he didn't like things he loved being taken advantaged of or destroyed. She smiled at that. Severus did have an honorable streak in him. Albeit one that he preferred to hide from the rest of the world.

But could she love him?

She blinked at that thought, just as an especially loud laugh came from beyond the infirmary door. Curious, she opened the door to see the two witches cooing and laughing at the tiny antics of the newborn. The sight was amusing, and she tried her best to dispel the grin on her face as she entered.

"I hope he hasn't been too much trouble."

Minerva noticed her first and gently picked up the baby, avoiding his kicking little legs as they flailed helpless in the air, until he was settled in the crook of her arm.

"I take it things went fairly well?" Minerva asked, noting the flush look on the young woman's face.

Hermione nodded. "Things had been discussed. I think Severus and I have a new... perspective on our relationship."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Poppy popped up with the familiar blue diaper bag in hand.

"Only the future will tell, and don't you dare go asking Professor Trelawney," Hermione replied soberly yet with a twinkled gleam.

All women chuckled at that, each understanding the other's thoughts. None really believed in the divinations teacher's true abilities to read the future, but she was family and, therefore, tolerated. Although, Sybil had been spot on, on occasion. By chance or by ability, no one really cared.

Hermione took the diaper bag from Poppy, then reached for her son from Minerva. After a quick yet heart-filled thanks for the both of them, she left the infirmary with Sebastian gurgling happily.

Hermione reached their new chambers without incident. The empty hallways echoed eerily with her footfalls and Sebastian's growing restlessness. Even as emotionally tired as she was, she entered the nursery first, where she promptly fed her fussy son. She then placed him in the bassinet to allow him his after-eating nap. She sang softly to him until his eyes drooped and his belly rose and fell in a rhythmic repetition. As she gently stroked his dark hair, she smiled down at him and pondered his future. He had a mother who loved him and a father who seemed to, from all outward appearances, love him. She now knew that Severus loved her with such deep emotions that it almost scared her.

She had avoided thinking too much on what was on her mind when she was feeding Sebastian. Now, as she sat by the enchanted window and gazed out into the day, the thoughts came, unbidden, into her mind.

It was barely noon, but she felt that a whole week had passed. Was it really a mere half-hour ago when she had released Severus memories back to him? Was it really barely fifteen minutes since she had learned of his true feelings towards her?

Hermione closed her weary eyes and, finally giving in, allowed her emotions come. As the tears began to fall once more, she felt the anguish and the despair ride out with every chest wrenching sob. Thankfully, this was a different form of weeping. A different release of emotion. Almost a cleansing proclamation that seemed to pull every negative aspect about her situation from her inner soul and pushed it to the front of her heart.

In her mind's eye, she remembered how his dark eyes had looked haunted when he'd thought that he'd raped her on his own. That was a possibility that she had never considered. Even through their worst times, she had never thought that he would have hurt her voluntarily. That thought alone made her shiver a bit. Just the idea that he could've thought that chilled her to the bone. If he truly believed himself capable of raping her, what other things had crept through his mind at that time? Could he have really raped her if given the chance?

No.

She shook her head, remembering that look in his eyes, when he actually thought that he could have committed such a horrific crime against her.

No, he couldn't have and wouldn't have. He loved her too much to do something so horrific as to destroy any chance of having her return that love.

But... again...

Could she learn to love him?

Mentally exhausted, she wiped the remaining tears away. Severus' declaration of love confounded her. She never suspected that he may have had any romantic feelings towards her at all during her earlier years. He had kept his feelings very well hidden indeed, through all the verbal bashings and glares he threw towards her at times.

Furthermore, it amazed her that he loved her at all, considering her standing in the wizarding world. She wasn't the most popular among the pureblooded wizards. If any of them found out about a child formed between a Pureblood and a Muggleborn, shit would most definitely hit the fan. Not to mention that Severus would be in even more trouble with Voldemort and that their son would be ostracized as an abomination.

Damn you, Malfoy.

She frowned slightly as the evil-minded, blond man ran through her thoughts. Why was it that Severus hadn't mentioned Lucius Malfoy other than his presence that night? She wondered if Mr. Malfoy had tried to throw that eventful night into Severus's face during any of the evil gatherings that he had hosted. Did Malfoy sneer in pleasure just mentioning that night, or did he just let it rest?

Judging by Severus's reaction to the return of his memories, Malfoy must have never mentioned it, or else Severus would have had some clue as to why she had vanished into thin air. According to Harry, he hadn't appeared all that worried over her disappearance, but appearances could be deceiving from what she has learned over the past hour.

She furled her brows in thought, surprised at the feeling of disappointment that fluttered in her heart. Why hadn't he tried to find her then? If he had loved her as much as he'd said he did, why hadn't he ditched everything and search for her? Perhaps she would never know, or perhaps, she would corner him at some point and get the truth. She didn't disbelieve that he loved her, but she did wonder as to what depth that he did.

She sighed and leaned back into the chair, thinking. She never had any foolish or romantic thoughts towards her professor in any way during her school days. In the past, her overall thoughts of him, if she thought of him at all, were nothing but that of a mean and angry man, who had no obvious life outside of Hogwarts. He appeared cold and unyielding. A seemingly hateful man who got off on extracting points and heaping hours of detention on her housemates.

But looking at the man now, she could now see how wrong she was. This man was a man who needed love. A man who had a hard, cold life and needed someone to care for him for who he was, not what he showed to be on the outside.

But could she be that person?

She honestly didn't know. She never really had any romantic feelings towards anyone. The hormonal wants and needs in normal teenage girls had never effected her in the normal way. She had never felt the yearning for male companionship or felt the need to snog or shag with the rest of her female friends. Her yearning was always for one thing. Learning.

Perhaps she was abnormal. Who knew?

She glanced at the bassinet and smiled softly. One thing was for sure though. If there were to be a possibility of them being a family, a true family, they would have a lot to work through. But, she had a feeling that things would turn out in the end.

Love is too precious to snuff out without an attempt to let it grow.

She smiled at that thought and closed her eyes. It seemed that her heart and her mind found a common ground and she allowed her thoughts to end as she drifted into slumber. Letting her dreams show her the way of her heart.