Home Sweet Home

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

A Secret Worth Keeping

Chapter Four: Home Sweet Home

Slightly under an hour later, just as he'd stated, Severus stood before the door of Hermione's room. He paused, looking at the knothole marking on the wood, and listened. There was a silence beyond the door that probably indicated that Sebastian was either sleeping or eating. It was a pleasant non-sound. Hearing his own child screaming earlier had almost rendered him useless, and it was a feeling that he was unfamiliar with. One that he didn't like at all. Being a new father was going to take a bit of getting used to. He hated feeling inept about anything. Thankfully, there were tons of books he could find to help in child raising. He would just have to take an afternoon off soon and buy some.

Hermione must have been standing close by because the door opened rather quickly to his knock. He opened his mouth to speak and was quickly shushed with a raised finger to her lips.

"Shh. He's finally asleep," she explained softly, indicating a finger toward the bundle lying in the middle of the bed. It was a rarity for him to sleep this long at one go, and she wanted more of the silence that followed. The peace and quiet was rare with an innocent newborn to raise.

Severus glanced over at the bed and nodded casually. He took her by the elbow and guided her towards the far window, further away so as their conversation would not disturb the baby. "How soon can you be ready to leave?" He asked quietly, trying hard to whisper.

"I can get what's not packed up in only a few minutes." She glanced over to the baby before looking back up at him. His eyes were narrowed in thought, and she frowned, not exactly sure if she liked the knowing look he was giving her. He had a plan, and she had a feeling she wouldn't like it at all. "Where are we going?"

He turned his face from her to the baby. It was hard to keep this simple conversation going when he couldn't keep his attention off of watching the baby's blanket, which moved so slightly as his son breathed deeply in his sleep.

"Severus?"

He started and returned his gaze back to her, noticing her frowned expression. "My apologies, Hermione, I didn't mean to gather dust there. I'm taking you both someplace safe. Get your things together and I will get Sebastian."

Hermione watched as he walked stealthily over to their son, and she felt a momentary panic. Where in the world was he taking them? It wasn't that she didn't trust him. No, she knew that, inwardly, he was a good man, but as a former student, she still held a respectful fear. After all, it had been drilled into her brain for seven years that this was a mean and angry person. She even had the memory of the rape ingrained in her brain to remind her of how brutal he could be.

She turned her gaze away from him and closed her eyes, forcing that particular memory out of her head. Now was not the time to start falling apart. She had held together and dealt with things thus far. There was no way that she could afford to collapse now. Not when Sebastian's safety was at stake.

"Hermione?"

She jerked as his voice drifted in to her, bringing her out of her dwelling. "Uh. Yes?"

"Are you all right? Do you need help getting your things together?" She thought she saw a sign of compassion in his expression, but as soon as she thought she saw it, she blinked and the emotion was gone from his eyes.

"No. I can manage. I'll be right back." She turned and quickly left the tiny room for the even smaller bathroom. She paused over the sink and closed her eyes. She had to get over this. She had to move on. Her son needed his father and this was the only option she had. It had not been a complete lie when she'd told him that she didn't need him. She didn't need him, but their son did.

Sebastian's parents may not love each other, but they were going to work together to make sure that their son would be raised right. Hopefully. As long as Voldemort never found out about him.

She shivered at his mere name and felt a large wave of apprehension overcome her. What if he did find out about Sebastian? What if Severus couldn't protect him? She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the mirror.

"What have I done? I may have just brought Sebastian into even more danger. I shouldn't have come here. I should never have written to Professor Dumbledore." She looked up, glanced at her reflection, and grimaced at the image staring back at her. She didn't recognize the woman standing before her anymore. That person looked dreadful. Hermione Granger used to be cute, not a beauty by no means, but she was cute. The stranger staring back at her now was barely recognizable. Her body had changed, she was chubbier from giving birth not even a week ago. She had about fifteen pounds to lose to get back to her normal weight, and she doubted that the stretch marks would ever fade away. Her face was frighteningly pale, making her freckles seem to be in more abundance than normal. Her eyes seemingly were forever rimmed in red and held a vacant look.

Knock Knock... anybody home?

Not inside of my brain.

Hogwarts' super-brain had been suddenly derailed and pitched so far off course that she doubted that she would ever be considered intelligent ever again.

She sighed and decided to take a few minutes to freshen up. Severus could just stay with his son for a few more minutes. She ran the water, letting it get cold before wetting a thin washcloth thoroughly. Vigorously she fell to washing her face, trying to scrub away the chilled feelings that raged inside of her, feelings that ultimately left her empty. The cold water made her gasp as she scrubbed, trying to fix whatever damage she could that the last nine months had caused. Eventually she stopped scrubbing and sighed with a glance back into the mirror. It was no use. She still had the vacant, sad eyes and pale features.

She threw the cloth into the sink with a mental curse before taking one last haunted look. Giving in to the inevitable, she finally bent to her task of gathering what few possessions she had.

She heard a rap on the door and finally emerged to a very surprising sight. Her inner turmoil faded away as she saw Severus with Sebastian cradled in his arms. The diaper bag draped across his right shoulder and the baby's pacifier lodged between the fingers of his left hand. The sight was so unlikely to her that she stopped in her tracks and couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face at the image before her.

"What?" He glared at her smile.

"Nothing. It's just that you look so natural."

Severus looked down at the baby, then back to her. "It feels oddly natural. Are you ready?"

"Almost. I just have to get a few more things." Hermione walked over to an old worn dresser and pulled out a couple of shirts and pants and jammed them into the bottom of her satchel. From another drawer, she did the same with Sebastian's clothes. It was apparent that she didn't bring much of her own things with her. Mainly because a mother knew that the child would have more needs and his things would be of more importance. With the satchel stuffed with most of his things, she finally turned back. "Ready."

Severus watched on with a frown. "Is that all you brought for yourself?" He looked pointedly at her small satchel.

"I didn't have much room to bring too many things. Besides, I don't really need that much. It's Sebastian that has more needs than I do," she spoke softly as she draped the bag across her shoulder.

Hermione was embarrassed at his knowledge of her near poverty-laden life, embarrassed at the turn of events that led her down this road into becoming someone that other wizards and witches ignored or spat upon. It was true that she didn't have much in way of possessions, but at least she managed to keep shelter over her head even at the worst of times. That was an accomplishment that benefited her intellectual brain. At least she'd managed to work at a few menial jobs until she got too big with Sebastian where she couldn't stand on her feet anymore. Then she took a simple job answering phones in a Muggle law-firm office. None paid much, but she did manage. She had left most things behind when her parents kicked her out; even her magical things were left in her room. Probably all were now in some storage shed somewhere along with the rest of her things.

Out of sight... out of mind.

Severus watched the emotions playing across Hermione's face. Carefully, he shuffled Sebastian's sleeping form and transferred the pacifier to the hand that cradled his son to his shoulder; he then reached out to her. He had a sharp impression that this woman had the possibility of becoming more difficult than the child. He inwardly sighed at that thought, but they both were his responsibility now. And he was determined to do what he must, for the sake of his son.

"Ready?" he questioned, hand outstretched to her. She hesitated before moving closer and taking his hand in hers.

"As ready as I will ever be"

"Hold on tight. We're Apparating there."

As soon as he said the words, she gasped as she felt the odd tugging and immediately closed her eyes against the wave of dizziness that washed over her. Her hands clung onto him with such discomfited purpose. The feeling was overwhelming to her senses. She had never gotten to her final year and never had the chance to learn how to Apparate on her own. She also never had an opportunity to, what with her abrupt departure from Hogwarts near the end of her seventh year. Her schooling days were now behind her, and she had a much different life to focus on, a life as an adult, an adult with a child.

Life was not fair.

"We're here," his voice whispered close to her ear. Hermione opened her eyes and wobbled. Immediately, Severus reached out to steady her until she regained her balance. The dizziness soon passed and she turned to see where they were.

"Oh... " She raised a shaking hand to her throat as her eyes took in the structure before her. She could feel the tears threatening to build up behind her lids. "Hogwarts?"

"Come along," Severus said and started forward, only to pause when he realized that she wasn't following.

"I can't stay here. Everyone... every one will know... " Hermione backed away from the school, fear evident in her face.

Severus approached her cautiously, speaking in a low, comforting voice. "It's the most logical place for you two. You both will be safe here, Hermione." He reached out and gently placed a hand on her shoulder, halting her retreat. "You can continue your studies when classes begin again. You have several weeks before you have to worry about any of the students returning. August is still some time away. This extra time will give you a chance to catch up on your studies, as well as your rest. If I know you, you probably were already well ahead of them when you left. When August does come around, you will be fine."

Her eyes filled up with tears as she gazed at her beloved home, but the memories scared her. Not to mention the fact that Harry and Ron would be there. She knew they would ask questions and want answers. Questions that she didn't know how to answer. She hadn't spoken to them since she left, and the guilt reached deep into her soul, chilling her to the core. She had no idea what to tell them, let alone how to cope with their reaction when they discovered Sebastian or of his parentage. She shook her head slowly as she took another step back, away from where she really wanted to be. This was the one place she missed greatly, the one place she actually considered her home.

"Does Professor Dumbledore... " Her voice was so soft that he had to lean forward to hear her.

"I have already discussed the situation with him. He has allowed you to have quarters in the dungeon, near my rooms. We can have them connected without anyone knowing they do so. There is plenty of room for you and Sebastian there, and both of your needs will easily be met."

She wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself tight, trying to ward off the fear that threatened to make her bolt right back to Diagon Alley. She wasn't the same know-it-all Gryffindor that left here nine months ago. That girl was lost and was never to be found again. Did this new person belong here?

"It's not right. I don't belong here anymore." Hermione had to look away from the bright lights of the castle. "I can't afford the tuition. The books. I have no money. I just don't belong here now."

"Nonsense." Severus' voice came out more of a bark than anything. "You, more than anyone else in that damned castle, deserve it. You have possibilities, Hermione. You have a worth far greater than you are giving yourself credit for."

She flinched at his hard reprimand, but turned back towards Hogsmeade, preferring to face the town's twinkling lights than the welcoming glow of Hogwarts. "I can't do this, Severus. The shame... "

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Hermione." He reached out to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder and was startled when, without warning, she dropped to her knees before him, landing hard on the gravel road. Severus looked down at her in shock as he watched her fall apart before his eyes. Her shoulders shook as the sounds of her sobs echoed out over the open air. Hearing her cries of anguish was just too much for him to bear. This young woman was fast falling apart on him, and if he didn't do something right away, he would need help in bringing both into the castle.

He shifted Sebastian in his arm before dropping to his knees beside her. "Hermione, listen to me. Whatever happened wasn't your fault. You had been used, abused, and had to live with a terrible burden that you should never have had to. This is my fault, my doing. And I want to help you. Help you both in whatever way I can. Let me do this, Hermione. Let me help you two."

Almost distantly she heard Sebastian start to cry, his plaintive wail a counterpoint to hers. She grabbed handfuls of earth and pebbles while gulping large amounts of air back into her pained lungs, trying desperately to return her breathing back under normal control. She was mortified at the way she felt herself falling apart; now was not the time to do this. She didn't want him to see this part of her. This was the part that she kept hidden from the rest of the world and only released in the comfort and solitude of her own room.

She knew that she had to stop, especially for the baby's sake. She took a couple more deep breaths, trying to get her breathing back into synch with her heart. She could feel its furious pounding in her throat. She hated the panic attacks that crept up on her on occasion. Hated feeling out of control like that. Severus' voice seemed to reach out to her, helped in calming them down, both mother and child. His soft voice low and mesmerizing, murmuring low sounds of comfort. If she didn't know better, she could almost believe that he did care.

Once she felt more in control, Hermione glared up at him. "This wasn't your fault, Severus." She wiped her face with her sleeve and cursed vividly, causing Severus' eyebrow to rove into his fringe. "This was Malfoy's fault, not either of ours."

He narrowed his eyes and nodded in agreement. "Not that I want to remember what happened, Hermione, but I think that once you get settled, we will have to discuss what happened."

She bit her lip and shook her head violently. "No. What happened... happened. I don't want to have to be forced to remember it. Neither of us enjoyed it, I can assure you." She took another deep breath and stretched out her hand to allow him to help her back to her feet.

Severus pulled her up, clutching her hand, not wanting to let her go yet. He pulled her closer, staring into her red-rimmed eyes. "I need to examine the whole memory of that night. I need to find out the real reason why Lucius Malfoy was in my chambers that night. I have to remember his part in my actions towards you. Otherwise, he will still be a threat to you, and maybe even Sebastian. I can't let that happen. I know you might need a little time, but soon. I won't let this go on too long."

He knew that he would have to let the topic go for now. They would eventually have to discuss what happened in order to get proper perspective, not to mention revenge. Severus did have some memories of that particular visit, but obviously not all of it. Something heinous had happened that night, and he was determined that Lucius would not get away with it.

Severus found it difficult to believe what he had done to Hermione. To a student under his care, a young student that respected and trusted him. He had tried to protect her for many years against both Malfoys. From Draco, who burned with a jealousy of her intellect, that plagued his pure-blood stereotypical mind, to his father, Lucius, and his lust for young innocent bodies. While Draco yearned to overthrow Hermione in the classrooms, Lucius had always wanted to possess Hermione Granger physically. Snape and Malfoy had fought over Hermione's fate more than once. Lucius' oversized ego couldn't let him understand that Severus wouldn't just simply hand over the girl. He was under the false impression that being a Hogwarts professor came with additional benefits, like the ever supply of young, supple, female students. Severus didn't go for that, however, and refused to allow his friend, or anyone, to use the girls for their own relief, especially Hermione Granger. Lucius hated that he couldn't touch her, hated that he could talk about her, think about her, but not touch her. It prayed on the mind, turning from want to obsession.

But that still left one question open regarding what had happened that night. Lucius had his chance with Hermione. What happened that night? What forced him to take her body like that, instead of Lucius? Did she have to endure both of them? Severus sighed as more and more questions came to him. He had to be patient though. As determined as he was to get those answers, he had to give her some time to come to terms with her arrangements for now. Then he would press her to get the answers he needed. Then he would get his hands around the other man's throat, robbing him of his life essence. Oh, yes, this revenge would be sweet.

He paused in his thoughts and turned her back to the castle. "For now, we will let the matter die. We can discuss it at a later date. Right now it's getting cold, and I'm sure Sebastian will be catching a cold if we do not get inside soon."

"No, Severus. I can't."

He stopped and took a deep breath, as he was beginning to get that irritated feeling behind his right eye right before a major headache hit.

"Hermione... " he growled.

She shuddered, remembering that particular growl from her many days in his classroom. "I. My parents. The tuition. I just can't afford it."

To her surprise, he merely chuckled. "Don't worry about the tuition. I will take care of your financial burdens until the time you are able to care for yourself and for Sebastian," he added sternly.

"We don't need your charity, or money, Severus," she replied slowly, trying to hold on to what little amount of dignity she had left.

Severus reached out, took her chin in his hand, and tilted her face up to meet his eyes. "You may not, Hermione Granger, but my son does. I wish him to be nearby, and if that means helping out his mother financially, then so be it."

She closed her eyes, blocking the view of pain that she knew he could see in her face. In her dismay, she could feel the familiar tears running over and falling down her cheeks yet again. Never in her life had she ever cried as much as she had in the last nine months. Weakness was not a good feeling.

She felt a cloth against her cheek and opened her eyes. She held still as he gently wiped at her tears with a linen handkerchief. Her eyes met his and she took a quick breath. His eyes reflected a concern that she was used to seeing in her friends but not in this dark man. It was an emotion that she never thought he could possess, let alone show.

"Do I have a choice in this?" she whispered, lowering her gaze back to the child in his arm to avoid staring into his dark eyes. She could feel the warmth of his hand on her face as he brushed the linen across her damp cheeks.

"Do you wish to leave?" he asked just as softly as he replaced the handkerchief back into a pocket while continuing to cuddle his son in his arms.

She looked between him, their son, then back to the old school. The call of the old comfort of home was beckoning to her. She would literarily feel the warmth and welcome waiting for her there. She couldn't go on like this for the rest of her life, living day to day relying on the kindness of strangers, old friends and bits of odd jobs she could get. She glanced at her son again and made her decision.

"No. I'll stay," she finally decided and gently pushed aside the blanket from Sebastian's face to smile down at his sleeping form. "For his sake, and for yours."

Severus simply nodded and turned back to the gates but was stopped once more by a touch on his arm. He turned back to gaze at her in question.

"Thank you, Severus. I will repay you... someday."

Severus gazed down at the infant in his arm and shook his head. "No, I think giving me a son is payment enough, Hermione. Thank you."