I Need to Know

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter Nine: I Need to Know

The high, unadorned windows in the tower lit up the room brightly amidst the early morning sunlight. All around her, she could see the looks of astonishment on the faces of all the past headmasters that hung on the office's walls. The looks weren't for her but for the man who carried their child following behind her.

"I would have never–"

"Can you believe– "

"Incredible! Severus Snape! With a child no less."

Voices whispered among the portraits as the two entered. Hermione smiled a bit at the whispers before taking a moment to gaze around at her surroundings. It had been a while since she had been inside the office. The comfort that surrounded her as soon as she stepped in brought back feelings of safety that she had lost in the outside world; it was a room she thought she would never again see.

Her gaze settled on the man sitting quietly behind his desk. He didn't say anything but watched the young woman take in her surroundings with an expression of wonder and relief. His smiled widened as her eyes settled on him.

She felt her eyes tear up yet again as she looked at the one man that she respected more than anyone else, Albus Dumbledore, Wizard Extraordinaire, Headmaster of Hogwarts, and one of her favorite people in the world.

The man got to his feet and rounded the desk with a large smile and his arms outstretched in welcome. She quickly stepped into them letting the elder man hug her tightly.

"Hermione. It's wonderful to see you home again." He smiled down at her tenderly, brushing away a tear before looking over at Severus and his bundle, grinning wider. "I take it this is little Sebastian?" He let go of the mother and indicated for Severus to come closer so he could have a peek at the sleeping baby all bundled up in his father's arms. One look at the baby and the Headmaster sniffed loudly. "Precious, simply precious." His eyes glittered as he gazed at the trio.

"Professor Dumbledore," Hermione spoke up softly. "I don't know... I mean... "

The Headmaster turned his wet eyes on her and raised a hand to stop her from speaking. He reached into his cloak, pulled out a starry handkerchief, which he used to dab at the corners of his eye. This tender display caught the others unaware, and they glanced at each other uncomfortably.

"Professor?" she tried again, feeling concerned.

"I'm fine. It's been so long since I've seen such a small person, and knowing that both of you are his parents, I'm simply overjoyed for the both of you."

She heard a strange sound come from Severus and turned to look at him, but saw that he had turned his back towards them. She frowned and gently touched his back, feeling him relax slightly at her touch.

"Are you all right?" she whispered softly and saw him nod.

She didn't question farther, not wanting him to appear weak. Even after all she had gone through, she could still reach out and comfort the one man that she never thought she would ever need to comfort. She bit her lip to keep herself from saying anything that would make him even more uncomfortable. Instead she returned her attention to the Headmaster.

"Headmaster, I really don't know what to say. I shouldn't even be here." She floundered, not really knowing what to say.

"Shh, Miss Granger. If it weren't for lack of protection within our walls, you wouldn't have been forced to leave in the first place. It is only right that you be allowed to return to your studies."

"I appreciate the opportunity, Sir, I honestly do, but it's not the same now. I can't give one hundred percent to my studies now. I'll need to give most of my time to Sebastian. I don't see how I can both."

Dumbledore embraced the woman warmly, then tenderly wiped away her tears with his handkerchief. "You can do it, Hermione. If there is anything I have learned about you over the years, it's that you can do anything you set your mind to." He stated firmly looking over his half-moon glasses at her, his blue eyes shining at her.

"I don't know. I want to. I do. But I have to care for Sebastian. How can I do both?"

"With our help, Hermione."

She looked up at the familiar feminine voice and turned toward the door. She felt a catch in her throat as she saw her mentor standing there with a smile on her face.

"Professor McGonagall... I... " Her voice caught as she rushed over and flung herself into the elder witch's arms. Minerva McGonagall hugged her tightly for a moment then, setting her back to her feet before casting her eyes to a silent Severus.

"Let me see your child." The older woman crossed to Severus and silently removed the sleeping bundle from his father's arms, which he allowed her to do without protest.

"Hermione, he's beautiful. How old is he?"

"A week, tomorrow."

Severus turned and gave her a surprised look. Concern flickered over his face as he strode quickly over to her. "I did not realize. Please sit down, Hermione. This traveling has to have taken a toll on you. You must not be recovered enough to handle all this activity."

Her eyes widened a bit in surprise at his obvious concern for her, and she whispered a small thank you.

Severus's head jerked up at Minerva's chuckle as she bounced the baby still in her arms.

"Really, Severus, new mothers in the magical world recover quite quickly. I'm sure that the mediwitch Hermione saw... "

"Actually, I didn't see a mediwitch. Sebastian was born in a Muggle hospital," Hermione interrupted softly, taking the proffered seat. Her legs did feel like they were going to let her down at any moment, and it was true, she still hurt. Sebastian's birth wasn't an easy one. She had been in hard labor for almost 32 hours before he decided to grace the world with his howling appearance.

Minerva gave her an alarmed look and quickly handed Sebastian back to Snape. "I'm going to fetch Poppy. Don't allow her to do anything more strenuous."

"I'm fine, Professor, really. I'm just a bit sore, but I'm healing well enough on my own."

"Have you seen a doctor since Sebastian's arrival?" she queried, already knowing the answer, confirmed by the woman's reddened face and shake of the head. "That's what I thought. I'm getting her," the elder exclaimed as she swept out of the office.

Hermione shook her head at her departure and smiled at Albus's chuckle. "She always was very protective of you, Hermione"

"Not just to me, Headmaster. She's a mother hen to us all."

"True. True." His eyes turned more serious as he indicated another chair for Severus to take. Once the taller man settled down, Albus started on the topic he called them here to discuss. "I realize that there are many things that need to be settled between the two of you."

Hermione and Severus exchanged glances but kept quiet.

"I think that the first obstacle you need to cross is the attack. "

Hermione started to shake her head but stopped when Severus tenderly touched her hand. She glanced down at his hand, then up into his dark eyes, gazing intensely at her. She felt guilty at the small contact, knowing that he wanted to remember, but that would also mean bringing back the memories for herself. No matter what she said to the others, she didn't want to remember that day.

"I can't, Severus. Please don't make me."

"I understand why you don't want to do this, Hermione, but I need to know. I need to get back my memories of what transpired that night."

Her eyes flashed as she looked back at him, pleading with him to understand her reasoning. Brown eyes clashing with black, one in anger the other in desperation. She gasped at the despair gleaming in his eyes and sat back into the chair. She didn't need to see that there.

"Are you sure you want to know?" she finally whispered in near compliance. "I did take them away for a reason. You couldn't handle them then, what makes you think you can now?"

"I'm well prepared, Miss Granger," he sneered, falling back to his past temperament. "I do not know what it was that broke me that evening, and it is imperative that I discover what it was so that I can avoid it in the future."

She sat quietly as she contemplated his words. If he truly knew what had broken him, what he had said and done...

"It wouldn't help you, Severus. Truly."

"Let me be the judge of that."

She glanced between the two men, flustered completely. She didn't want to remember, and giving Severus back his memories would only be an antagonist to him, to them. This was just one way of trying to get her to face it. She knew she should, but the pain was still too fresh in her mind.

"I... can't... "

Albus felt the strong emotions that swirled inside her and kneeled before her. He took her shaking hands in his, willing her to remain calm. His blue eyes calmly gazed into her scared brown ones. "You can, my dear. I know there are vast amounts of pain involved here, but you must realize, these memories that you hold do not belong to you."

"Headmaster... "

"You must do it, Hermione."

She closed her eyes, wishing with all her might to be somewhere else. The memories would come rushing back when she reversed the spell, and she didn't relish that thought at all. It wasn't just her own pain that she wouldn't be able to control. It was what she knew Severus would do when the secret came out. She didn't want to cause him pain and horror, but Dumbledore was right. Those memories that she held captive were not hers, and they needed to be returned to their owner. She breathed in a deep breath before opening her eyes and looking at the man kneeling before her.

"All right, when?" She stiffened, feeling Severus's hand tighten on hers.

"Now," Severus's voice whispered, and she turned to see him gazing down at his son. "I need to know what happened."

"Not with Sebastian in the room, and I want Professor McGonagall here too," she replied, moving to push the blanket away from the baby and kissing his head. "I want to feel secure when we do this. I want you to feel comfortable with what you discover," she finished, glancing shyly up into his dark, unreadable eyes. He frowned again at her words and nodded.

"As you wish."

Both men agreed, and before another word was spoken, the door swung inwards, allowing two witches to enter. McGonagall had returned with Madam Pomfrey, following.

"What's this I hear about you having a baby in a Muggle hosp–" The woman's voice stopped suddenly, and her expression softened at the sight of the baby sleeping in Severus's arms. "Oh, may I?" Severus chuckled and shook his head while handing over the bundle to the woman. It amused him how much one infant could affect a completely intelligent witch and make her seem almost idiotic.

Hermione watched her fuss over the baby, then approached her with a wary eye.

"I'm fine, Madam Pomfrey, honestly." She smiled at the stern woman, hoping to avoid any confrontations. She knew the woman had no respect for the Muggle way of medicine, and let it be known to the whole school often enough.

"I will be the judge of that. I want you in the Hospital Wing as soon as you are finished here. There is no telling what those Muggle doctors did to you."

Hermione blushed but nodded. "All right, Poppy. I promise."

"Poppy, I wonder if you would be so kind as to take little Sebastian with you for a short while? We have some important business to conduct and would prefer that the baby not be amidst it."

Poppy nodded, and after extracting another promise from Hermione to see her after it was over, she left with Sebastian cradled in her arms.

"Minerva, if you would be so kind as to stay?" Albus spoke quickly as the woman had started to follow the mediwitch. She turned and, with a curt nod, took a seat to Hermione's left.

"Now?"

Albus nodded and she held out a hand.

"I'll need a wand."

"You don't have one?" Minerva's eyes widened at the request.

"No. Not anymore. I assume that my parents got rid of any magical items I've had once I was gone."

"What exactly happened, child?" Minerva took her other hand in hers and frowned. She had no idea what had transpired in the last nine months. The look on her favorite student's face held such pain that it reached the depths of her heart.

"We'll get back into that in a little while, Minnie. Right now, we have other business to attend to." Albus opened a desk drawer, rummaged inside for a few moments before removing an old knotted wand, and handed it over to the younger woman. "I happen to keep a used wand in here for emergencies. It's pretty tame and is fairly tolerable to multiple users. You may use it for the time being. We will have to get you a new one before the school term starts." Albus smiled and handed the magical stick of wood to the young woman.

Hermione nodded in silence and turned to the man to her right. Her eyes lowered sadly and she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

He nodded at her apology and gasped when she whispered the restoring spell.

"Remembra!"

There was a profound silence for a few seconds, and then the room boomed with a loud, indignant bellow.

"OH, BLOODY HELL!"

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AN: The next chapter contains the rape and will hold a strong warning.