The Equations Don't Balance
Chapter 3 of 34
Ariadne AWSHermione returns to Grimmauld Place, looking for answers. She does not expect to find Severus Snape. Best Fanon Het (Quill-to-Parchment, Round 2). Runner-up ~ Best HG/SS, 2006 OWL Awards.
A/N: My thanks to Melenka for keeping this honest.
3: The Equations Don't Balance
... He sat bleeding in the darkness, stroking her hair.
-------------------------
He felt her body tense, and he drew his hand away, lighting his wand.
She surged to her hands and knees, hair veiling her face. Sweat beaded on her skin, chilling in contrast to the warmth of his body. She felt strands of her hair sticking to her sweaty face, and reflexively she tried to toss her hair over her shoulder.
His heart tightened at the familiar gesture.
Reaching up, she pushed the offending strands off of her face, smudging dirt and grit from the long-neglected floor on her forehead. She snapped her head to look at him, and began, "D" She winced, one dirty hand flying to her throat.
"Don't try to talk," he said very gently.
She held her throat and dropped her head. Her hair again veiled her face, a single strand falling straight into her eye. She blinked rapidly and rubbed her cheek on her shoulder, trying to push her hair out of her eye.
He gestured. "May I?"
She stared at him warily, one eye screwed tightly shut in pain. "I"
"Shhh. Don't talk. Look up." He carefully moved the hair out of her face. "Close your eyes now." He brushed the grit off of her forehead and rubbed the smudge away as well as he could. He tipped up her chin with a finger. "There. Better?"
She nodded, looking at him warily.
"I am going to heal your throat. All right, Hermione?"
She closed her eyes and nodded again.
Darkness.
She flinched at the feel of his wand on her throat. Warmth and relief soon followed. A fleeting touch on her cheek.
With a flick of his wand, he lit the lamp on the table.
She massaged her throat. "Thank you."
His eyes glittered, and he nodded. "It was the least I could do."
"True, since you were the one who caused it to begin with." She frowned. "I assume you have my wand?"
He nodded. And so it starts.
She stood, rubbing her hands on her jeans, and drew a deep breath. "How could you?"
"That is a rather a broad question."
"With several follow-ups."
He waited.
"Fine. I'm not going to have this conversation in a dirty kitchen. I am going to the library, Severus Snape. Try not to hex me on my way out the door." Tossing her hair, she turned and stalked out.
Mrs. Black's portrait started shrieking. "Mudblood filth! Besmirching the halls of my House! Freakish contagion!"
From the kitchen, Snape heard Hermione snap, "Oh shut it, you foul-mouthed pretext!"
Snape raised an eyebrow. Pretext?
Mrs. Black continued her tirade, and Snape heard a distinct whump followed by a sudden silence that, even from where he sat, felt decidedly embarrassed. Then...
"Ow."
Despite himself, Severus Snape chuckled. Rising stiffly, he headed for the library.
In an astonished but blessedly hushed tone, Mrs. Black's portrait asked, "How dare you?"
Hermione laughed bitterly. "The question of the hour, Mrs. Black. Now, if you'll pray excuse me"
Stunned, Mrs. Black gaped at her.
Snape heard Hermione mutter something about "manners" as she went into the library. He leaned against the wall, pulled the chunk of wood out of his shoulder, and whispered a healing spell. Gripping the wood in his fist like a talisman, he entered the room behind her.
She sat on one of the leather chairs before the empty hearth, rubbing her arms. "If you would be so kind as to light a fire."
He complied and stood by the fireplace, leaning his good shoulder on the mantle.
"Severus Snape, you owe me and the whole world an explanation. Several, in fact."
"You, indeed. The world " He shrugged skeptically.
"Quit stalling."
His eyes glinted, but his voice was even as he asked, "One wonders where you would like me to begin?"
She sniffed. "The beginning, of course."
"If we had a week, perhaps."
"Just the high points then. Starting," she continued, her voice low, deadly, "with the Tower. How could you?"
He stared into the flames, remembering. "He was already dying. I believe you heard that part?"
"I heard."
He glanced up briefly, then turned his gaze back to the fire. "When he destroyed the ring, the darkness that had preserved that piece of the Dark Lord's soul entered his hand. It was a mistake made in ignorance, Miss Gr- Hermione."
She furrowed her brow.
"As he often seemed to be what we asked of him, he was not infallible. He did not know everything."
"What happened?"
"You are aware it takes a life to create a Horcrux, yes?"
She nodded.
"It takes another to destroy one."
Her mind immediately flashed to her friends' faces, the faces of people she loved. Harry Ron Horrified to hear herself counting, she stared at him.
A fleeting look of sympathy crossed his features.
"But the diary " she protested.
"Miss Weasley was nearly dead... enough to satisfy the Horcrux Indemnity, at least a weak one. The more power involved in its creation, the more powerful the remuneration required to destroy it. To create his second Horcrux, the Dark Lord killed his father and grandparents."
"Not an even exchange for Dumbledore," she said, tears welling in her eyes. A moment later, her hand flew to her mouth as she realized the implication of her words. "I didn't mean "
"I agree, Hermione," he said softly. "And that is how Darkness works, preying on pain, promising justice. Do not judge yourself too harshly, but do not forget."
"Another lesson, 'Professor'?" she asked, deliberately twisting the knife that was his former title.
His irritation spiked. "If you are going to punch every portrait that offends you, Miss Granger " he began.
"Hermione."
He shook his head firmly. "No. Miss Granger. We can ill-afford your childishness. I have barely begun to explain our situation, and if you prove to have no more self-control than your foolish friends, I fear there is no point."
She stood and stepped toward him, raising her voice. "If there is no point, then why do you bother?"
His eyes flashed dangerously at her. "For the same reason I have done everything for over seventeen years, Miss Granger. Because I have no choice."
The air crackled between them.
"We all have choices "
Raising his voice, he cut her off. "I made mine long ago. And you, you foolish young woman, will listen to me until I have finished. Then you may judge me, Miss Granger. You will not judge me out of ignorance."
She refused to back down. "I came here looking for you, Severus Snape. Despite my friends, despite the Order, and despite what might happen if I was lucky enough to find you exactly what you did to me in the kitchen, I might add. Despite every reason not to, to stay at the Burrow like a good little girl 'Don't think,' 'Don't ask so many questions' I have not been able to get what you did and who I believed you to be needed you to be to make any sense!" Scathingly, she continued, "I have used logic. I have used Arithmancy. I've reviewed all of my memories of you: your every expression and posture, every inflection in your voice, every harsh word and every cunningly hidden compliment. It's all a carefully crafted mask, an act, that's obvious but still: nothing adds up. The equations don't balance, Severus Snape, they do not balance, and no one knows why except for you and a bloody portrait that's pretending to be asleep."
He looked Stunned.
"Oh, yes," a brittle laugh "he's faking. I'm sure of it. So please," she sneered, "please don't preach to me about ignorance when I am the only one who's bothered to realize that I don't know, that you do, and that whatever it is not only matters, but is probably the most important thing in the world." She moved toward him. "What don't I know, Severus Snape? What do I need to know?"
The silence rang between them.
She stopped less than a foot from him, raising a hand as if to touch his face, stopping just shy of it. She held his gaze for a moment. "We need you. Without you, we will fail." She let those words sink in, then dropped her hand and delivered her coup. "And I, for one, refuse to die just because your psyche has more buttons than your bloody frock coat."
Damn. Finally, he found his voice. Drawing himself ever so slightly taller, he said, "Then you will need to listen."
Her eyes narrowed. Took you a long time to choose the appropriate mask, there, "Professor." She nodded. "Agreed." Arranging her features into a flawless imitation of his own, she sat, crossed her legs and, looking for all the world like a medieval queen, opened her arms. "Proceed."
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Latest 25 Reviews for A Walking Shadow
230 Reviews | 5.53/10 Average
Such an amazing, complex story. Hate to see it unfinished, but maybe it will be someday. Faith, right? Thank you, for writing such beautiful tales..
Any chance you'll be able to finish this ? It's such a suspense story, just working up to the climax! I've enjoyed Tayet very much - you have a way with animals.
Response from Ariadne AWS (Author of A Walking Shadow)
...It was finished in '06; I've just not finished uploading it to this site; RL has utterly intervened in my time on fic archives. I think you might be able to find it if you poke around the internet. :)Thanks for reading!
Response from Ariadne AWS (Author of A Walking Shadow)
Hi,
oh this thin line between light and shadow, between earnesty and laughing about the irony, about the funny side of everything.
I am glad he still has his sense of humour.
yes, that woman is the road to hell, but she plasters it with lots of genious and wits and love and passion and fun and perfection.
one really feels how they deserver and need each other.
I like your Snape, may he be non-canon or not. He is adorable.
He was curious to learn about what the Mirror hat revealed her.
Interesting, how Molly took her death sencence.
Always worrying about her family, and now it is her she has to worry about. But it seems she doesn't, or does she?
She couldn’t deny the truth. “I still hate it,” she muttered.
“Good. Use that hatred, when the time comes,” he said. “It will keep you whole.”
I find his advice here very very good and not for nothing I am sure. He is really concerned about her staying whole. He is adorable. also to be seen when he explains about making unforgivables... It is always " am already bruised, so I will do it for you, he did it for Draco, he does it for Hermione, he is a good person indeed.
it's not done because it cannot be done."
Minerva looked at Dumbledore's portrait. "So naturally you had to try."
I love your sense of humour. makes the dark story lighter, more human more alive.
What a brilliant plan!! You are grand.
Let Pettigrew get imperioused, do the job, and 2 Horocruxes are done. great!!
I bet this works out! it sounds just soo clever.
"She seemed to scowl back"... that made me laugh!! Oh sodding Severus makes a big deal out of her trunk entering his bedroom or not. Her entering his real life or not.I can not quite follwo him here. he lives under the same roof with her. he spent a night in the hiding room with her. he shars his mind or her mind when entering there, he shares the knowledge ot her and his death and how and almost when. Where is the problem in sharing a room or a bed, porperly?I have no idea.he expains it with wait...his rigid sense of honour, his saftey net. all right o,k,. but, still, not so understanable. and then he let her choose. Why? she had already, hadn't she.Her responce : "I'd only hit you with it anyway " was rather taking the tenseness away. good idea. and much more natural than anyhting.And thank you thank you thank you for letting us peek at the soo necessary conversation between McGonagall and Dumbledore.tehe.He solved the problem of how to make her trust in Hermiones source without giving it away or giving to much information brilliantly. Trust her Arithmancy? well, if so, then you must only know, that it can only work with the correct information.Good idea of yours!!As so many others are and were.keep up the good job!!
Response from salvamea (Reviewer)
oh, and I agree with the other reviewer!! not being able to finish reading this WOULD be tragic!or anything like that.
What did he offer to put lower?
His hair?
What had happened? I must have missed quite a bit here.
But The Poenix Tears were healing or fixing someting, this much I know.
And Tayet is fully grown, this I also know.
You descirbe it all so marvellously. it is a real pleasure to read it.
Never blunt, or plump. always a little transcendent, like a little behind a veil, weaving your words in a poetical, philosophical way. very interesting.
thank you for sharing!
he let Voldy bind Wormtail to him. Sounds clever. he is glad about it, so it must be of use for him.
Hermione wanted Wormtail, now she has him.
Still am in the dark about how that would help. But it MUST! please...
Their interrupted lovescene got even more intense after the new developements, it seems to me.. phew. quite a scene.
i wonder why she wanted him in these robes. Everyone would have expected her to be absolutely turned off, but no.
Maybe a chance to dis-charm the brutal character of the deatheater uniform.
What will he do about his new task? find her and bring her to me? he will do that? and when and how? and what will happen there and then?
awful.
I am glad I still can click on to the next chapter. But soon enough I will up to date, and then I will have to wait as patiently as ... Tayet for her feathers to grow?
You mentionted it would be some 30 more?
Happy as I am to hear that, I am also eager to hear that the next 30 will not last for 2 years? got a plan? anything?
the whole chapter was soo funny.
especially McGonnagalls reaction on finding out that Dumbledore was well aware of the going ons and awake for quite a while!! her being furious. I would love to hear THAT conversation!!
hope she gives him her piece of mind!! ha!
and seeing Severus so playfull, and right in the middel of a wonderful seduction HE the bloddy VOLDY comes to summon him. Bad timing.! But what would one expect of the person who has no heart, seven souls and none of them good.
bah.
And he is soo close ..shiver...
Your Tayet is just soo adorable.
How she reads the one persons thoughts and acts in their behalf. I love these scenes. touching.
Is she really just one day old? cant belive how much had happened in this very short time.
So many revellations.
Horrible, to know that you have to die, from the hands of someone you love, and that this willl be a gift too, and that all has to be in a certain timetable or connected to some progresses. awful. unbelievable.
They found the Trapping Spell. and he has to cast it. and either he kills her then, or he will die. also horrible.
She says they bloddy well are the main charactes in this story. well, I think they are both right.
Voldy and Harry on the front line, Hermione and Severus doing the mind-work in the back. both lethal.
I also like your Mrs Black, she is quite tamed now, and her Rommy - I want to know what is going on in the library - game... just sweet.
how sweet, Arthur wants to join his Molly in death. He is soo sweet.
I do so hope that he will not have to. and that she will not have to do this.
Hermione saying farewelll to her parents. what a bitter jounrey, a what she will call her last visit. bruta. so sad.
he has no one to say goodbye to.
Minverva is writing letters.
Hagrid? well, he will say good bye to G....
Molly has her family around.
Very touching scenes.
and Severus asking her to come home, oh so sweet.
Now please be quick, and show us what happens at 2 o'clock!!
please!!
What does he mean with his appearance.
have faith!
She worked that out already!!
And how dare he say anything about their "relationship" whatever it may be.
He is so mixed in it, the planner and plotter and everything.
grr.
At least he gave Severus his blessings. sort of.
And he made away with the awful thing hanging between them about his death and guilt or not guilt.
I liked that. Him thanking Severus.
That was the best about his visit, Ifeel.
ah, so they have to take the Horocrux itemst with them through the veil. But how does she mean that they don't have to die then? er?
coming back isn't possible, I thought?
Hagrid will have to kill Nagingi, did I get this right?
Hermione has to give Severus time to run, and when all is done, and Nagini dead, and Harry seperated form his Scar then
HE will KILL HERMIONE??
WHAT IS THAT!???
Why? what for?
Did he make an unbrakable Vow?
About her in person? or about the person he would find fit for the job. And with whom did he make the vow?
urgh, that is soo ugly.
This man!!!
poor Minerva, she took it like a really powerful strong Lady.
wow.
I don't understand. The deatheaters are trying to kill all those who could free or undo the horocruxes? But if they do,then the Horocuxes will be destroyd, I thought?
So it must be the way the people die, that destroys the Horocruxes?
Still in the dark about that.
And poor Hermione had to be veeery strong here. "In what position is he?" well, very often inside her .. mind...
nice chapter again.
It’s not actually impossible to lie about love to someone who has the evidence of your broken soul emblazoned over her heart, but it really is the height of bad taste.
I can't belive it!
He took her on the floor, then, when she cried these black tears? I didn't realise. oops.
and now he wants her love to be safed, but can not provide any love of his own. Tragic.
good hit, Hermione.
I am all caught up now, having somehow lost track of this story. The complications just suck the reader in, don't they? You have to work at understanding, but only because it's richly complicated and savoury. I do hope you come back and finish it.
I love your words are like slow drops of rain....wonderful!! Your Snaape already makes me cry....Alan Rickmans face as he is portraying Severus killing Dumbledore is one of the saddest scenes ever. you have beautifully captured the afetr effects...
I love it I already LOVE it!!
Now things really begin to heat up.
I know Tayet will play a crucial role (hopefully in keeping Hermione alive and/or healing Severus' torn soul that he be able to love again) before all this is done.
Brilliant idea to drop the Horcruxes through the veil. I hope Wormtail's prosthetic hand will be able to pierce it since it is not living flesh, only animated by Voldemort's magic and Wormtail's intent. I suppose intent is the key word here.
Wonderful update, I was beginning to wonder if I would get the chance to finish reading this beautifully written story, because not to would have been a tragedy.
I am completely in love with this story. Thanks for the wonderful update, I can't wait for more.
Phoenix magic is very powerful. :)
Very good, Love the new Phoenix. Looking forward to more.
I think this chapter is key to everything that follows. It's taken a while, but I think I get it. The inclusion of Hermanubis as a healer made the formula so perfect there could not be one name as a solution...it had to be both, but not either/or...it had to be you in the plural. But, because the whole is much greater than the sum of the parts, the prediction of death went up in flames and the phoenix was born. This inverted the passion, desperation, and sacrifice of the formula and its conclusion on the parchment into the faith, hope, and love represented in the phoenix. It is so perfect the way Tayet reflects both the light and the dark of Herminone and Severus combined. Severus' despair, but at the same time rejecting it by tearing off his many-buttoned frockcoat. The spontaneous appearance of both Hermione's and Severus' patronuses. Awe, playfulness, healing, and nurturing. Hermione going back to planning and researching, taking charge, and sending Severus to collect fireflys (nurturing). This is story telling at its best.
Funny, poignant, and a phoenix.
"I'm to stay here while I research. Um...uninterrupted....orders....I have orders."
"It's an acquired taste"...."Dark, bitter, enervating." Sounds a lot like "tall, dark, and brooding."
The agony of getting the formula to work and the wait.....almost unbearable.
The wonder of the birth of a new phoenix....beautiful
Funny, poignant, and a phoenix.
"I'm to stay here while I research. Um...uninterrupted....orders....I have orders."
"It's an acquired taste"...."Dark, bitter, enervating." Sounds a lot like "tall, dark, and brooding."
The agony of getting the formula to work and the wait.....almost unbearable.
The wonder of the birth of a new phoenix....beautiful