Yesterday and Tomorrow
Chapter 23 of 34
Ariadne AWSHermione returns to Grimmauld Place, looking for answers. She does not expect to find Severus Snape. Best Fanon Het (Quill-to-Parchment, Round 2). Runner-up ~ Best HG/SS, 2006 OWL Awards.
Summary: A different kind of locked room, and a different kind of mystery.
A/N: Thanks to Luna305 for beta-during-thunderstorm (crazy wench), and to my partner in "Don't flinch yet; ok, now would be good; helLO, what are you thinking?!," Anastasia, who saved Snape from me, me from Snape, and me from myself in this chapter.
Before, it was autumn.
Now it was rain.
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Severus felt his heartbeat, steady, as he breathed in the scent of rain. The first time is the hardest. He held the book in his hands, watching as it shrank, smaller, smaller, growing darker, blacker, his blood on it joining, shrinking, a red spot moving to an end, tendrils extending, shrinking, smaller, and finally, it sat on his finger, antennae waving, its light glowing, then fading.
"Tayet," he said quietly, so as not to wake Hermione. He extended his finger carefully toward the phoenix.
Tayet's eyes opened, black, glowing, hungry, reflecting the yellow-green light. She followed the light, alert, opening her beak.
He tipped the firefly in. He supposed it was a kind of immortality.
Tayet looked at him questioningly but made no sound. He touched her head gently, and she closed her eyes, leaning into his finger.
His expression was unreadable, and there was no one to read it.
He sat on the floor and rested his elbows on his drawn up knees, lacing his fingers together loosely, examining them through a fall of wind-blown hair. His eyes were alive with a newfound lack of doubt and a lack of reserve that still spoke deeply, resonantly of the tremendous will and force behind them. His eyes would never be innocent, but it had been a lifetime since they had been this clear.
He looked up at the sleeping witch, and around at the Spartan room in which they would spend the next several hours. He was damned if he'd spend it sitting on a bare plank floor, watching her sleep.
A low noise in his throat. Predatory. Paradoxically tender. Oh, yes. A bit of... hm... rearranging was definitely called for.
The curtain over one of the alcove rippled as the room behind it became larger. A fresh, insistent wind blew from Severus' wand and the air in the bolt-hole changed, grew cleaner, deeper, softer...
He paused, and changed the curtain from non-descript, dusty charcoal to the rich, deep red of glowing coals, a dying sun.
He looked at the ceiling, considering, then gathered his will. Slowly the ceiling transformed into an opaque, swirling cloud from which a gentle green rain fell, disappearing before it touched the floor.
He considered Hermione's sleeping form, and her clothes became a heavy black silk cloak, wrapping her in cool simmering midnight indistinguishable from his own
He dropped to his knees before her, his arms on either side of the chair. Leaning in to the smooth hollow of her neck, he exhaled her name, warm, on her skin.
She awoke, alive.
"After the initial release, one often finds that subtlety has its own, even greater rewards," he murmured, hands drawing the silk up her arms, chill, slick, soft, warming under his hands.
"Severus," she whispered.
Hands sliding around her shoulders, he gathered her close, stroking the silk against her, a rustle, an enticement, a promise. Hands wrapped in silk to her face, drawing the cloak with it, inside, nervous, aware, each breath a friction against the impossibly smooth seduction...
His cloak? fleeting, thought, gone.
Thumbs moving the silk on her face, hands hidden, covered, in the endless folds... her eyes open, looking to his, black, deep, impossibly warm, blazing, comforting, terrifying. She gasped and turned her head, suddenly, surrender, leaning her face into his hands, rubbing the silk against his fingers, friction, surface tension drawing it over the back of his hands.
"Yes, Hermione." His voice an incoming tide, tangible, patient, unsatisfied.
His hands firm on her face.
"Look at me." His voice barely audible.
Deep in his eyes, filling them, toward her, of her, for her, she saw him dream in his eyes.
And she was broken, terrified, gentled, powerful.
He saw it all.
He knew she could say no; she knew she couldn't.
They were both right.
"Do you want this, Hermione? All of this?"
She had no words.
Small smiling lines appearing at the corners of his eyes, he asked, "No?"
His silk-entangled fingers pressing, dragging the cloak down her bare arm... "Or I think yes."
She nodded.
...and across her collarbones...
...down to her heartbeat... and over... silk in silk drawing silk aside, exposing, brushing skin, lightly, cool, chill, friction, skin tightening, warming...
"Yes," she murmured, her eyes not taking her eyes from his.
"Surely, it cannot be that you have no questions..." he drawled, amused.
She tried not to ask. (Knowing hands not touching rustling drawing silk moving silk, silk falling open, closing, folds of silk changing - shiver - patterns, cool... Just feel...)
She really did try... But yes questions. (The play of silk... Just feel...) "When we - before... when you - it was... desperation, sacrifice, blood... yes?"
He smiled, a knowledgeable smile. Innocence lost. "What you are really asking me is if, when I took your innocence, so roughly, was it beyond my control?"
Silk moving slowly, sudden
- she caught her breath and whispered, "Yes, that's what I'm asking."
"That was passion. Life, flying in the face of death. My passion, and also yours - " he arched his eyebrows and moved, deliberately...
- silk - slow... Her breath shuddered.
His voice, low, careful, "Was it beyond your control, Hermione?"
...chill ...smooth ...skin open, outward, reaching - She shook her head, and whispered, "No, it wasn't."
He drew his silk covered hands across her chest, covered, not touching, but
"Real passion isn't pretty, Hermione."
Her eyes were closed, her head tilted back, her throat, an offering.
His eyes glittered.
- a corner of the cloak drawn quickly, firmly down her neck "No, not pretty..." he whispered. "I filled you with the echoes of my fractured soul, and you forgave me and I made you scream, Hermione. I made you scream before I ever touched you and yet you let me touch you again."
- a whisper of silk "I wanted you to."
"When I took you, on the floor, and held you, trembling, shaking, lost... and you sighed, you cried out... I am alive in your breath, Hermione, in your voice... "
His hands still silk on her sides, smoothing, down - and -
"No, passion's not pretty. It's dangerous. It breaks. It opens. What I did to you, for you, because of you; and what I may yet have to do... so very wrong, in so many ways - And yet - Hermione, believe me..." his voice dropped, urgent, impossibly low, and the silk, hands, slipping, on her skin "...as I took you, and you held me, perfect, whole, unbroken, and it was wrong - I enjoyed it. You. Us." His hands tightened, possessive. "Immensely."
The wind, the silk, the breathing, the heartbeats silent.
His voice rich, resonant, full, silk up her neck, under her chin, behind her ear...
"Nothing here is beyond my control, Hermione. Nothing, except..."
...his hands firm, strong on her hips, his lips warm on the corner of her eye...
"... except you," he finished, glorified, resigned.
Both hands heavy with silk, he drew her towards him, to her feet, closer, and his hands, then, skin, under the cloak, warm, around to the small of her back, pressure, closer, the linen rough on her skin, inflamed, wool, scratching, the silk, cool...
She leaned into him, felt his body, covered -
He smelled rain.
She opened her eyes and looked up. She saw the clouds on the ceiling, whirling in concert with the mark on her skin, the mark whose voice was no longer keening, just circling, an endless sigh, relief, pain, pleasure, relief, pain...
"I made you my shadow, Hermione," he murmured. "I buried my emptiness within you; you forgave me, and I branded you with your own forgiveness. This vacuum, this storm," he looked at the sky, "it's mine. It's what I have left."
She nodded.
"But I can give you what I no longer have."
He turned her toward the curtained alcove, standing behind her, wrapping his arms around her, keeping the cloak closed against the circling wind.
She had a wild imagining of what lay behind it. "And that is?"
"Myself."
He waited. His hands twitched, tightened on her arms, revealing his uncertainty, his trepidation.
She leaned back, into him, eyes glinting, smiling when she knew he couldn't see. "What you're feeling right now, Severus? That's called 'hope.'"
He tensed, but her mercy was swift.
"And my answer is yes. Of course it is." She took his hand and drew him toward the curtain, very gently adding, "You maudlin old bat. What did you expect me to say?"
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It's not actually impossible to lie about love to someone who has the evidence of your broken soul emblazoned over her heart, but it really is the height of bad taste.
Not to mention cruel.
For once, and for reasons he didn't fully understand, Severus wanted to say something, but he was at a loss.
He lay thinking for a long time, running over the possibilities. "I might love you, if I could"? That would simply not do. "I don't love you, but only because I can't"? No better. "You probably will save this maudlin old bat from himself, but we'll both probably have to die to accomplish it"? Accurate, but hardly appropriate, given the circumstances.
He scowled, and thought some more.
Finally, he found his voice. "Hermione?"
She curled against him, drifting, aware. "Mmm?"
"Hermione, I -" He didn't seem to be able to finish.
Her eyes narrowed in the dark. He is not going to say that. "Don't - " she began.
"Hear me out," he insisted, irritably. "And do listen carefully."
She knew that tone. She rolled her eyes, which he could not see, but nodded against his chest.
"Hermione, it's too soon for truth, but it's also " he swallowed nervously, "it's much too late to lie."
She frowned as she puzzled it out.
Then she hit him with a pillow.
He raised his eyebrow in the darkness. She didn't need to see him to know that he had.
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Latest 25 Reviews for A Walking Shadow
230 Reviews | 5.53/10 Average
Such an amazing, complex story. Hate to see it unfinished, but maybe it will be someday. Faith, right? Thank you, for writing such beautiful tales..
Any chance you'll be able to finish this ? It's such a suspense story, just working up to the climax! I've enjoyed Tayet very much - you have a way with animals.
Response from Ariadne AWS (Author of A Walking Shadow)
...It was finished in '06; I've just not finished uploading it to this site; RL has utterly intervened in my time on fic archives. I think you might be able to find it if you poke around the internet. :)Thanks for reading!
Response from Ariadne AWS (Author of A Walking Shadow)
Hi,
oh this thin line between light and shadow, between earnesty and laughing about the irony, about the funny side of everything.
I am glad he still has his sense of humour.
yes, that woman is the road to hell, but she plasters it with lots of genious and wits and love and passion and fun and perfection.
one really feels how they deserver and need each other.
I like your Snape, may he be non-canon or not. He is adorable.
He was curious to learn about what the Mirror hat revealed her.
Interesting, how Molly took her death sencence.
Always worrying about her family, and now it is her she has to worry about. But it seems she doesn't, or does she?
She couldn’t deny the truth. “I still hate it,” she muttered.
“Good. Use that hatred, when the time comes,” he said. “It will keep you whole.”
I find his advice here very very good and not for nothing I am sure. He is really concerned about her staying whole. He is adorable. also to be seen when he explains about making unforgivables... It is always " am already bruised, so I will do it for you, he did it for Draco, he does it for Hermione, he is a good person indeed.
it's not done because it cannot be done."
Minerva looked at Dumbledore's portrait. "So naturally you had to try."
I love your sense of humour. makes the dark story lighter, more human more alive.
What a brilliant plan!! You are grand.
Let Pettigrew get imperioused, do the job, and 2 Horocruxes are done. great!!
I bet this works out! it sounds just soo clever.
"She seemed to scowl back"... that made me laugh!! Oh sodding Severus makes a big deal out of her trunk entering his bedroom or not. Her entering his real life or not.I can not quite follwo him here. he lives under the same roof with her. he spent a night in the hiding room with her. he shars his mind or her mind when entering there, he shares the knowledge ot her and his death and how and almost when. Where is the problem in sharing a room or a bed, porperly?I have no idea.he expains it with wait...his rigid sense of honour, his saftey net. all right o,k,. but, still, not so understanable. and then he let her choose. Why? she had already, hadn't she.Her responce : "I'd only hit you with it anyway " was rather taking the tenseness away. good idea. and much more natural than anyhting.And thank you thank you thank you for letting us peek at the soo necessary conversation between McGonagall and Dumbledore.tehe.He solved the problem of how to make her trust in Hermiones source without giving it away or giving to much information brilliantly. Trust her Arithmancy? well, if so, then you must only know, that it can only work with the correct information.Good idea of yours!!As so many others are and were.keep up the good job!!
Response from salvamea (Reviewer)
oh, and I agree with the other reviewer!! not being able to finish reading this WOULD be tragic!or anything like that.
What did he offer to put lower?
His hair?
What had happened? I must have missed quite a bit here.
But The Poenix Tears were healing or fixing someting, this much I know.
And Tayet is fully grown, this I also know.
You descirbe it all so marvellously. it is a real pleasure to read it.
Never blunt, or plump. always a little transcendent, like a little behind a veil, weaving your words in a poetical, philosophical way. very interesting.
thank you for sharing!
he let Voldy bind Wormtail to him. Sounds clever. he is glad about it, so it must be of use for him.
Hermione wanted Wormtail, now she has him.
Still am in the dark about how that would help. But it MUST! please...
Their interrupted lovescene got even more intense after the new developements, it seems to me.. phew. quite a scene.
i wonder why she wanted him in these robes. Everyone would have expected her to be absolutely turned off, but no.
Maybe a chance to dis-charm the brutal character of the deatheater uniform.
What will he do about his new task? find her and bring her to me? he will do that? and when and how? and what will happen there and then?
awful.
I am glad I still can click on to the next chapter. But soon enough I will up to date, and then I will have to wait as patiently as ... Tayet for her feathers to grow?
You mentionted it would be some 30 more?
Happy as I am to hear that, I am also eager to hear that the next 30 will not last for 2 years? got a plan? anything?
the whole chapter was soo funny.
especially McGonnagalls reaction on finding out that Dumbledore was well aware of the going ons and awake for quite a while!! her being furious. I would love to hear THAT conversation!!
hope she gives him her piece of mind!! ha!
and seeing Severus so playfull, and right in the middel of a wonderful seduction HE the bloddy VOLDY comes to summon him. Bad timing.! But what would one expect of the person who has no heart, seven souls and none of them good.
bah.
And he is soo close ..shiver...
Your Tayet is just soo adorable.
How she reads the one persons thoughts and acts in their behalf. I love these scenes. touching.
Is she really just one day old? cant belive how much had happened in this very short time.
So many revellations.
Horrible, to know that you have to die, from the hands of someone you love, and that this willl be a gift too, and that all has to be in a certain timetable or connected to some progresses. awful. unbelievable.
They found the Trapping Spell. and he has to cast it. and either he kills her then, or he will die. also horrible.
She says they bloddy well are the main charactes in this story. well, I think they are both right.
Voldy and Harry on the front line, Hermione and Severus doing the mind-work in the back. both lethal.
I also like your Mrs Black, she is quite tamed now, and her Rommy - I want to know what is going on in the library - game... just sweet.
how sweet, Arthur wants to join his Molly in death. He is soo sweet.
I do so hope that he will not have to. and that she will not have to do this.
Hermione saying farewelll to her parents. what a bitter jounrey, a what she will call her last visit. bruta. so sad.
he has no one to say goodbye to.
Minverva is writing letters.
Hagrid? well, he will say good bye to G....
Molly has her family around.
Very touching scenes.
and Severus asking her to come home, oh so sweet.
Now please be quick, and show us what happens at 2 o'clock!!
please!!
What does he mean with his appearance.
have faith!
She worked that out already!!
And how dare he say anything about their "relationship" whatever it may be.
He is so mixed in it, the planner and plotter and everything.
grr.
At least he gave Severus his blessings. sort of.
And he made away with the awful thing hanging between them about his death and guilt or not guilt.
I liked that. Him thanking Severus.
That was the best about his visit, Ifeel.
ah, so they have to take the Horocrux itemst with them through the veil. But how does she mean that they don't have to die then? er?
coming back isn't possible, I thought?
Hagrid will have to kill Nagingi, did I get this right?
Hermione has to give Severus time to run, and when all is done, and Nagini dead, and Harry seperated form his Scar then
HE will KILL HERMIONE??
WHAT IS THAT!???
Why? what for?
Did he make an unbrakable Vow?
About her in person? or about the person he would find fit for the job. And with whom did he make the vow?
urgh, that is soo ugly.
This man!!!
poor Minerva, she took it like a really powerful strong Lady.
wow.
I don't understand. The deatheaters are trying to kill all those who could free or undo the horocruxes? But if they do,then the Horocuxes will be destroyd, I thought?
So it must be the way the people die, that destroys the Horocruxes?
Still in the dark about that.
And poor Hermione had to be veeery strong here. "In what position is he?" well, very often inside her .. mind...
nice chapter again.
It’s not actually impossible to lie about love to someone who has the evidence of your broken soul emblazoned over her heart, but it really is the height of bad taste.
I can't belive it!
He took her on the floor, then, when she cried these black tears? I didn't realise. oops.
and now he wants her love to be safed, but can not provide any love of his own. Tragic.
good hit, Hermione.
I am all caught up now, having somehow lost track of this story. The complications just suck the reader in, don't they? You have to work at understanding, but only because it's richly complicated and savoury. I do hope you come back and finish it.
I love your words are like slow drops of rain....wonderful!! Your Snaape already makes me cry....Alan Rickmans face as he is portraying Severus killing Dumbledore is one of the saddest scenes ever. you have beautifully captured the afetr effects...
I love it I already LOVE it!!
Now things really begin to heat up.
I know Tayet will play a crucial role (hopefully in keeping Hermione alive and/or healing Severus' torn soul that he be able to love again) before all this is done.
Brilliant idea to drop the Horcruxes through the veil. I hope Wormtail's prosthetic hand will be able to pierce it since it is not living flesh, only animated by Voldemort's magic and Wormtail's intent. I suppose intent is the key word here.
Wonderful update, I was beginning to wonder if I would get the chance to finish reading this beautifully written story, because not to would have been a tragedy.
I am completely in love with this story. Thanks for the wonderful update, I can't wait for more.
Phoenix magic is very powerful. :)
Very good, Love the new Phoenix. Looking forward to more.
I think this chapter is key to everything that follows. It's taken a while, but I think I get it. The inclusion of Hermanubis as a healer made the formula so perfect there could not be one name as a solution...it had to be both, but not either/or...it had to be you in the plural. But, because the whole is much greater than the sum of the parts, the prediction of death went up in flames and the phoenix was born. This inverted the passion, desperation, and sacrifice of the formula and its conclusion on the parchment into the faith, hope, and love represented in the phoenix. It is so perfect the way Tayet reflects both the light and the dark of Herminone and Severus combined. Severus' despair, but at the same time rejecting it by tearing off his many-buttoned frockcoat. The spontaneous appearance of both Hermione's and Severus' patronuses. Awe, playfulness, healing, and nurturing. Hermione going back to planning and researching, taking charge, and sending Severus to collect fireflys (nurturing). This is story telling at its best.
Funny, poignant, and a phoenix.
"I'm to stay here while I research. Um...uninterrupted....orders....I have orders."
"It's an acquired taste"...."Dark, bitter, enervating." Sounds a lot like "tall, dark, and brooding."
The agony of getting the formula to work and the wait.....almost unbearable.
The wonder of the birth of a new phoenix....beautiful
Funny, poignant, and a phoenix.
"I'm to stay here while I research. Um...uninterrupted....orders....I have orders."
"It's an acquired taste"...."Dark, bitter, enervating." Sounds a lot like "tall, dark, and brooding."
The agony of getting the formula to work and the wait.....almost unbearable.
The wonder of the birth of a new phoenix....beautiful