Happy Holidays?

This is a story by the great Marisol, a German FF writer whose stories can be found at http://www.harrypotter–xperts.de/fanfiction?author=17037

Translated from German into English by Muggline

Disclaimer: Neither Marisol nor Muggline are making any money out of this. Everything you recognise belongs to J.K.Rowling.

A/C: Thanks to our wonderful beta, ladyinthecloak. Her never-ending supply of commas and good advice keeps me going...

Chapter 3

"Are you sure I'm not bothering you?" asked Hermione uncertainly while putting down her big bag in the hall.

"Don't be silly," Ginny answered with a grin, gave her a big hug and said, "You know very well that you are always welcome here. We are happy you are spending the entire holidays with us, Hermione!" Ginny emphasised her point by resolutely manoeuvring her friend towards the kitchen. With a flick of her wand, two mugs of tea landed softly on the table.

"Where is Harry?" asked Hermione with a smile while she took one of the chocolate biscuits Ginny offered. To Hermione, it felt so good to be there, to talk to her best friend and feel welcome – to know that she would not have to spend the Christmas holidays alone in her small, cheerless flat in London. Her parents had gone on holiday a week before. Hermione loved them very much, but racing down ski slopes every day for two weeks really was not her cup of tea, and so she had not accompanied them.

"He has gone for a walk with James. I think they said something about building a snowman. Al is sleeping, finally, after keeping us awake for most of the night," Ginny added in a faked irritable tone.

"Al?" Hermione giggled.

Ginny shrugged, but grinned, too, and said, "Well, I thought I'd better get used to calling him Al. When he gets older and I have to tell him off, calling him 'Albus Severus' will certainly sound weird. 'Al, stop it this instant!' – short and crisp – sounds much more effective, don't you think?"

The two young women started laughing, and Hermione listened to Ginny's report of the youngest family member's progress – admittedly none particularly spectacular. With a pang of jealousy, she thought that Ginny really was a wonderful mother, deeply engrossed in her role.

"Talking of Al," she said, hastily pushing those thoughts aside, "have you had any news of his godfather?" Much to her surprise, Ginny nodded.

"We sent him a photograph recently, and we have – or rather I have – invited him to come over for Christmas. Harry often delegates such tasks to me. Severus actually answered and thanked us for the photograph. He wrote that he did not know whether he could come."

"This is all rather crazy, isn't it?" Hermione said quietly. "I mean, thinking back to when we were at school – would you ever have thought that Snape was able to..."

She fell silent, but Ginny seemed to know exactly what she meant. "Able to love?" she completed Hermione's unfinished sentence. "Harry and I have been talking about that very often, you know. I think we have talked about Snape more often than about Voldemort. Of course, he behaves abominably and he is an obnoxious person. However, he has preserved his love for Lily through all these years. I think that this was the only thing that kept him alive. Sometimes I ask myself whether he would've rather died there in the Shrieking Shack, after Nagini's bite."

"That is what I thought," replied Hermione. "You ought to have seen his house, Ginny. So run-down and dirty. And himself! At the christening at least, he had some clean clothes on. But when I visited him..." She shivered with disgust when she thought about Snape's untidy appearance. "To me, it seemed as if there was nothing left for him to make his life worth living."

"He must be very lonely," Ginny added thoughtfully.

"I think he wants this solitude," Hermione replied.

The two women stared into their mugs, each immersed in her own thoughts. They startled when the front door slammed shut, followed by James' cheerful laughter and some muffled curse from Harry, who seemed to have tripped over Hermione's bag.

oOoOoOoOo

"Erm, Hermione...," Harry started and exchanged a hidden glance with his wife while the three friends laid the dinner table together. "I don't know whether Ginny has told you already. Ron will be coming over tonight."

Hermione pressed her lips together in a thin line, carefully placed a plate on the table, forced a smile and said, "That is nice. I look forward to seeing him again." And it was true. A part of her did look forward to meeting Ron and seeing his familiar face. Another part of her was afraid. They had split up more than one year ago, but every time somebody mentioned his name, she felt an unpleasant coldness spreading from her stomach.

She suspected, or at least she could understand, why Ron had not shown up on December first to attend Albus Severus' ceremony. It would have been a painful reminder of the reason for their separation. "Please excuse me," Hermione stammered. "I – I will go and freshen up a bit." She avoided Harry and Ginny's concerned gaze and quickly strode to the bathroom. After closing the door, she sank to the floor, wrapped her arms around her legs and placed her head on her knees.

Everything had been so easy. After the defeat of Voldemort, everyone had been finally able to breathe freely, as if his death had taken a huge weight off their souls. Loving Ron and being loved by Ron had been a wonderful experience. They had been carefree and full of life. Starting a career in Magical Law had, for the first time, earned her the appreciation of her brilliant mind that she had always been denied. Of course, she was always the best pupil in her year at Hogwarts, but with the exception of a handful of teachers, nobody had ever made her feel special.

Her colleagues had been astounded at first, sceptical or mildly impressed about her comprehensive knowledge at best. Within the first year, however, their opinion had changed into undisguised admiration and finally even respect. Suddenly, Hermione had been sure where her place in life was. The knowledge that her hunger for knowledge was appreciated had spurred her to great achievements. At the beginning, Ron had been proud of her and acclaimed every promotion and distinction. But after Harry and Ginny's wedding, she had felt that he was somewhat uncomfortable with her career for the first time. "Ron, let's just wait a few more years," she had often said when he had indicated that they should marry, too. "We are both very young and have all the time in the world to marry and have children. I am about to become the youngest member of the Domestic Magical Law Committee in a thousand years."

After James' birth, Ron had told her for the first time that he wished she would cut down on her workload. She had understood his wish to start a family, but she had felt that she was not ready yet.

After that, Ron had expressed his unhappiness ever more clearly while she had kept to her decision to wait a few more years. Ron was an important part of her life. Her job, on the other hand, had put her in a situation where nobody would smile condescendingly about her inexhaustible thirst for knowledge. For the first time in her life, she had been in a situation where people admired her for that.

She had paid the price for her decision on the day when Ron had faced her, with a pained expression on his face and tears in his eyes, saying, "Hermione, I love you. I have loved you since our fourth year at Hogwarts. But I want a family. It is very difficult for me to watch my sister and Harry, who have a baby, while we are not even married yet. I have grown up in a large family. You know that. Of course, there were many quarrels, but I love the ruckus and the feeling that there is always someone about. I miss it. I need it."

"Oh, Ron, why can't we wait just a little bit more," she had said, desperate, while trying to keep him from packing.

"What's in a few years, Hermione? What if you will be the supreme – I dunno what – judge of anything by then? Can you promise me that you would sacrifice that for a family?"

She had not been able to promise that.

And he had left.

oOoOoOoOo

Ron had hardly changed since the last time she had seen him. She felt the familiar tingle in her stomach when she watched him kiss Ginny on the cheek and pat Harry's shoulder. Of course, the two saw each other at the Ministry every day, but Ron was obviously happy to be there.

When he finally turned to greet her, she tried in vain to suppress her tears. They ran down her cheeks, and Harry and Ginny's discreet retreat did not help either. Ron smiled a very gentle smile when he extended his arms, and she suddenly found herself facing him. The memory of his smell, his touch, had not reached her conscious mind yet, but her body remembered those things, and her arms wrapped around his neck automatically, just like they used to do.

"It is good to see you again, Hermione," he said softly, then he pushed her away a little and kissed her on the forehead.

"Yes," she sniffed, her vision a blur, while he tousled her hair.

oOoOoOoOo

Luckily, the fear that the four of them might spend the evening in some kind of tense silence had not materialised. They talked about recent events almost like they had always done. After James and Albus Severus had been put to bed, they played some rounds of Exploding Snap, but Hermione noticed that Harry and Ginny's yawns became more and more frequent.

"I am sorry, folks," Ginny said with an embarrassed smile, "I fear we have become rather boring since we've become parents..."

"Oh, you don't need to stay up for me. I know that you have had almost no sleep last night because of Al," Hermione said.

Harry and Ginny gave her a relieved smile, and after finishing the game, they said good night and retired to their bedroom.

"The boys grow so fast," she heard Ron's soft voice when they were alone. "Some months ago, James was still unable to walk. Now he runs about as if he had never done anything else."

Hermione nodded, unable to meet his gaze. The Potter children reminded him and Hermione of things that they both could have had. For a moment, the silence enveloped them like a blanket.

"I have done some thinking, Hermione," Ron continued. "I had much time to think about everything that went wrong between us. I must admit that I put the blame for everything on you at first. But if you had accepted my wishes and we had started a family, it would have made you unhappy. You would have denied yourself, and I would not have wanted that. I know how happy your job makes you and how important the recognition is for you," he finished and softly took her hand.

She lifted her head and looked him in the face. He seemed to be very serious, but at the same time, she saw something like tenderness in his features.

"I could not come the other day, you know. It was too much to handle. Harry and Ginny's second child. I hold nothing against you, really. Not any more. Nevertheless, it was a strange feeling. I stayed away because the two did not deserve me to ruin the mood."

"I know what you mean," said Hermione and squeezed his hand.

"Hermione, I would like to tell you something."

Somehow, she knew what was coming, but still, she felt quite numb when she heard him say, "I have been dating someone for quite a while." His smile failed a little and his face turned deep red, but he did not take his hand away.

"Ron, please do not feel guilty for this. Really. I do want you to find somebody who makes you happy. And in case she doesn't, well, you know that I am still quite apt at conjuring those little canaries, don't you?" She emitted a sound that sounded more like a sob than a laugh, although it was both.

Ron held her tightly, and they sat like this for a long time, slowly saying good-bye to the past.

oOoOoOoOo

Ron left the next day. He hugged Hermione once again and whispered, with his face buried in her hair, that she would always be important to him. She returned his words and kissed him on the cheek. After he had left, she still had some hollow feeling in her stomach.

Harry and Ginny seemed to notice that she needed some time to herself, and so they agreed when she suggested taking James outside. She wanted him to show her the snowman that he had built in the garden with his father.

When she saw the enthusiasm of the child, happily romping around in the garden, her eyes filled with tears. "Look, look," he kept shouting, messing about in the snow with his little fists. Although he was still very young, he already showed traces of magic when he suddenly made the snow rise and drizzle back down on himself. It was obvious that he had no clue how he did it, but he laughed aloud and extended his little arms.

Hermione suddenly realised that she was not crying for Ron. She was not sad because he had met someone, but because she, on the other hand, was alone. Harry and Ginny had each other and their children. But she... After Christmas, she would return to her small, uncomfortable, practical flat. Somehow, she already knew that she would feel lonely.

"Maybe," she thought with a wistful smile, "maybe I would be ready to start a family now." But she knew that it was too late for her and Ron. Silent tears kept running down her cheeks when she suddenly heard a voice.

"Good day."

She winced.

"You seem to have a strong interest in the Potters' family life, Miss Granger, as you are here quite often," Snape said quizzically.

She jerked around, her face still wet with tears. "Professor Snape," she stammered.

The expression on his face disappeared when he realised that she was crying. "Well, excuse me," he said flatly and turned his gaze from her to James, who continued playing in the snow without a care. It was obvious that he felt embarrassed by her tears.

For a while, they faced each other without a word until Hermione finally managed to say, "Harry and Ginny are inside. Could... could you please tell them that James and I will come inside soon?" She did not wait for his answer, but turned away.

He hesitated for some moments and stared at her back. He looked at her hands, which fluttered about in the air like butterflies who could not find a place to land. Finally, he turned and walked towards the front door.