Relief

This is a story by the great Marisol, a German FF writer whose stories can be found at http://www.harrypotter-xperts.de/fanfiction?author=17037

Translated from German into English by Muggline

Disclaimer: Neither Marisol nor Muggline are making any money out of this. Everything you recognise belongs to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: Many thanks (also in the name of our readers) to Prof. M Mc Gonagall, who did an extra night shift to get this through in record time!

Chapter 21

Hermione was not aware that she held her breath until she exhaled with a whoosh.

Severus's hands still clutched her upper arms, and his face held a calm and relaxed expression that she had never seen on him in all those years – he looked as if all invisible loads had been taken off his shoulders. In a reflexive movement, she pulled him into her arms and buried her face on his chest. Hermione felt him stiffen and sensed his fingers tear into the skin of her arms in painful tension. She had a fleeting notion that he'd been embraced far too seldom in the past and that there weren't many people who'd touch him willingly, without an ulterior motive, just to touch him. As soon as she realised this, she wanted to make it better, to show him that he mattered enough to someone who simply wanted to hold him. But just when he started to relax in her embrace, she felt a small hand tug at her cloak, and she saw James, who looked at her with a questioning look on his face.

Reluctantly, she let go of Severus and bent down to talk to James. "Albus Severus has improved already," she explained, searching Severus's gaze.

He nodded slightly and said, "He is quite dehydrated, but he is tougher than everyone thought. He... is fighting and strong enough to make the Healers believe in his recovery."

"What's that supposed to mean?" James whispered excitedly.

Hermione smiled. "It means that your brother will be well again, soon," she answered. When James's eyes started beaming, she laughed.

"When will we go and visit him?" James asked and looked up to Hermione and Snape expectantly.

"We don't know yet. But I'm sure that we will go see him soon. Maybe you'd like to play outside for a while now?"

She exchanged a quick glance with Severus, who hesitated for a moment. Then he nodded and told James, "I'll show you which part of the garden you can play in." Then he went towards the door, followed by James. Hermione knew that he would probably forbid the child to play in the area where he had planted the herbs for his potions. Severus talked in his usual gruff demeanour, but even James seemed to feel that he had nothing to fear from the scary man today.

When the door had closed behind James, Severus turned to Hermione. She tried to say something, but the only sound that came from her mouth was a kind of choked sob, and to her own horror, she felt tears running down her cheeks. As if she were surrounded by thick fog, she saw Severus approach her immediately and felt him pat her shoulder awkwardly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and felt incredibly silly because she ought to laugh or dance around in circles and sing – but still she cried like a baby. He didn't say a word but left his hand where it was, and she did not know exactly whether she was imagining his thumb rubbing her shoulder in small soothing circles...

"Take a rest, Hermione," he said. "I will go to bed, too. I am..."

"Very tired, I know," she finished the sentence for him while sniffling a little. "Please don't think I'm snivelling because... it's just because... not for... it's because of my hair!"

"Of course," he said very earnestly, but the corners of his mouth twitched in a very rare hint of a smile that got even bigger when she blushed. They looked at each other in silence for a moment – Hermione with her puffy, red eyes and Severus with an unexpected glimmer in the dark depths of his eyes – and there was something in the air. Something unspoken that seemed to be almost tangible. Then Severus slowly took his hand down, turned, and went upstairs. Just when Hermione thought that he wouldn't turn around again, he did just that upon reaching the top stair... and drew a face as if she had caught him doing something forbidden.

*~*~*~*~*

Hermione observed James through the window for a while and watched him play, but although she was determined to stay awake, her eyelids kept closing. Just for a few minutes, she thought and gave in to her tiredness, never thinking that the few minutes would turn into several hours. When she opened her eyes again, convinced that she had just dozed off for a little while, one glance out of the window told her that it was already late afternoon. She jumped, and a brown blanket that had not been there before slipped down from her body.

"I was just asking myself whether you had nicked from my private stores again and consumed the Draught of the Sleeping Beauty," she heard Severus say, and when she turned her head, she saw him sitting in front of the fire where he was reading a newspaper. He looked at her with the mocking glare she knew so well, but the tone of his voice told her that he was quite amused.

"Oh," she croaked, "I thought I'd just close my eyes for a few minutes..." She was embarrassed about the fact that he had obviously observed her while she was sleeping. To distract him from her discomfiture, she immediately asked for James.

"He had something to eat about one hour ago, and then he got tired."

"You fed him and took him to bed?" Hermione's eyes widened in surprise.

Severus looked at her as if she were an obtuse child and answered, "Luckily, his motor skills are developed well enough for him to eat unaided and find the way to his bed alone."

"But you cooked for him?" Hermione investigated and tried very hard to suppress a smile.

"Wrong. I cooked dinner for myself. He was lucky, because I made too much so there was enough for him." he corrected, and it seemed to her that it upset him to admit that he had looked after the boy.

"Of course," she said with an earnest expression. She managed to keep the laughter at bay until she had left the room. Upon entering the kitchen, she saw that Severus had not only made enough dinner for himself and James, but obviously for her, too. A plate of roast potatoes was hovering above the table, surrounded by a transparent blue mist that kept the food warm. Something inside of her started fluttering, and she asked herself whether it would be a good idea to go back into the sitting room to thank him. But she decided against it, knowing very well that he would make a petulant dismissive gesture, as if it had never been his intention to take care of others. She smiled silently and felt her stomach ache with hunger. While devouring the roast potatoes she usually did not like very much, she felt as if she had never eaten anything more delicious.

*~*~*~*~*

After her meal, she went back to the sitting room where Severus still sat in the armchair by the fire. Just when she opened her mouth to say something, the fire started crackling unnaturally and the colour changed into some vivid green hue. There was a loud scrunching noise, and then Harry was standing in Severus's sitting room, covered in soot. He coughed loudly, grabbed his wand and murmured, "Scourgify!".

When his glasses were clean, too, he looked from Hermione to Snape and smiled. His cheeks were a little haggard, and his pale face testified to the lack of sleep he had experienced, but when he approached Hermione, there was a new spring in his step.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed. "How is he? Is there any news, what..."

"Hey," he interrupted, "let me catch my breath, will you?" He hugged her shortly and greeted Snape, who had jumped up from his armchair to stand before him, with a nod. Harry sat down and brushed his fingers through his hair. "After Severus had left," – again, he nodded in Snape's direction – "Albus's condition neither improved nor worsened. He was still throwing up everything we gave him. But just before I left, he kept something inside for the first time since we took him to St. Mungo's," he stated.

"The Healers have told us that the worst was over, but that his condition would remain very grave if his stomach continued revolting. Of course, he started crying every time someone tried to feed him something, but then Ginny managed to talk him into sipping some pumpkin juice... and he didn't throw it up!" Harry looked from Hermione to Snape and back with a triumphant expression, and the relief made his green eyes shine.

"Can we see him?" Hermione asked full of hope, and to her great relief, Harry nodded. "That's why I'm here. Al has asked for his brother... and for you." He directed these last words at Snape, who tilted his head in surprise. "Yes," Harry assured him. "He wanted to know when his godfather would come to see him."

Snape cleared his throat and said, "Well, I'll go immediately of course."

"Where's James?"

"He's sleeping. Do you want me to wake him?" Hermione offered. She wanted to give Harry an opportunity to have a few words in private with Severus. She felt that Harry wanted to thank his former professor. She knew that she would only disturb them, so she did not even wait for an answer but got upstairs to get James.

When she touched James's shoulder to shake him gently, he turned away reluctantly and made some protesting sounds. But when Hermione caressed his head and said, "Your daddy is here!" he opened his eyes in a flash.

"Where is he?" asked James and sat bolt upright in bed.

"He's downstairs. And do you know what? You can go and see Al now!"

James beamed and jumped out of bed as fast as he could. He was already heading for the door when Hermione caught the hem of his jumper and stopped him, laughing. "Wait! We've got to comb your hair first." James's hair, just like his father's, was quite unruly and kept standing on end. There was practically no way to make it lie flat, but Hermione was determined to at least give it a try. So she dragged the boy to the bathroom and squatted down to comb him, but she gave it up after several fruitless efforts.

James immediately grabbed the hairbrush from her hand and started to attack her hair in return, mimicking her and sighing, "It's much too wild!"

Hermione laughed and wanted to explain that her hair was anything but wild, now that she had cut it in such an ugly fashion. But then she realised that something was different. She Transfigured a bar of soap into a mirror, looked at her reflection and emitted a startled cry. Her hair had regained its original shape and length. She swallowed when she realised that Severus must have done this while she slept.

*~*~*~*~*

When they were walking the corridor towards Albus's room, they met a Healer who started frowning at the sight of the small group who was heading for the door. "I think that this is not a good idea at the moment," he said sharply and planted himself in front of the door. "The boy needs peace and quiet!"

"I guess I can tell quite well what my boy needs," Harry replied coolly and wanted to sneak past the strongly built Healer.

"Mr. Potter, we have an agreement that your son is to be visited by family members only," he explained as calm as possible. "Peace and quiet are of utmost importance for the child now. Visits from strangers..."

"Strangers?" Harry echoed angrily. "This man is his godfather, and Hermione isn't more of a stranger than his grandmother is. In other words: these people are like family. Now would you please stand aside!"

The Healer gave in and trudged down the corridor in a snit. "It seems that there has been a change of shift. This Healer must have had a real bad day so far," Harry murmured as an apology. When he opened the door, Hermione saw Ginny on a chair next to a bed that seemed way too large for Albus's tiny, fragile frame. He was very pale and turned his head towards the door when they entered the room.

"Al... Mom!" cried James and did not know which way to turn first. Ginny pulled him into her lap and kissed him on the forehead before she allowed him to carefully sit on the edge of Albus's bed. Then she stood from the chair and took some steps in their direction. Like Harry, she looked bleary-eyed and tired, but she smiled when she approached Snape and, to everybody's astonishment, pulled him in a tight hug. "I know that you don't want to hear it," she said softly when she let go of him. "But we owe you so much that I'm unable to find the words for it. I will never forget what you've done for us."

Snape looked to the side with an uneasy expression, murmuring something unintelligible, while Ginny stepped backwards and made an inviting gesture in Albus's direction. "You may go and sit with him," she said quietly. "He's happy that you're here... all of you," she added with a sideways glance at Hermione.

"What I said to Severus applies to you, too, Hermione. Thank you for everything... I don't know how I'll ever be able to..." She didn't finish her sentence because Hermione enveloped her in a warm hug and rubbed her back in soothing motions while she tried to suppress her own tears. From the corner of her eye, Hermione saw that Severus sat down next to Albus Severus's bed. The boy extended his arms towards Snape, who softly caressed Albus's hair.

*~*~*~*~*

When it was time to say goodbye, the door opened, and Molly, Arthur, Ron and George came in. "What's that Hungarian Horntail doin' outside the door?" asked George and pointed his thumb towards the entrance. "I thought he's gonna rip our heads off because we wanna see our little one here!"

"George, please!" murmured Molly, shaking her head. George grinned but seemed a little tense, and the way he kept running his fingers through his hair revealed the fact that his feelings differed quite a lot from the way he appeared. Molly's face looked tear-stained and much older than Hermione remembered, but when Harry told them about the new situation, they all relaxed visibly. The Weasleys rallied around Albus's bed while Hermione and Snape stayed in the background.

Albus Severus had fallen asleep, and so they kept a whispered conversation in order to not wake him up. "Harry and I will stay with him until he has completely recovered," Ginny said. "Hermione, could you please bring us some fresh clothes tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'll be here first thing in the morning," Hermione promised.

"And Mom... could you please take James? I guess we've been quite hard on Severus's hospitality and, particularly, his nerves." She smiled in Severus's direction.

Snape started to make a dismissive gesture, but of course, Molly was immediately prepared to take her grandson home with her. All of a sudden, Hermione's stomach felt hard and heavy. She realised that now, when James would stay with Molly and Arthur, she would not have any excuse to stay with Severus any more. She frantically thought for a reason why Molly ought to change her mind, but the more she thought, the less she found. As if she were in a haze, she saw the Weasleys thank Severus and waved Harry and Ginny goodbye before she turned around and walked towards the door.

"Hermione, wait!" Ron had followed her and embraced her. Then he bent down to kiss her on the forehead. "I know that you've been through a lot," he said softly. "Almost as much as Ginny and Harry."

She lifted her face and smiled at him. Then she returned his embrace, tousled his hair and slapped his chest. "Yes I have. I never thought that one could worry for someone so much..." Ron nodded, and they talked some more when Hermione suddenly realised that they had an observer. Severus stared at them. For one moment, she was quite sure that his eyes had become small slits, but in the next moment, his face had returned to his usual, vacant expression. He passed them on his way to open the door, then gave a small wave and promised the Potters that he would be back the next day.

"I have to go, too, Ron," Hermione said in haste. Before Ron had a chance to answer, she said her good-byes and left the room.

Severus had already gone down the corridor when she called his name, and he stopped.

"I... Severus, I... think I forgot something in your house. Would you mind terribly if I accompanied you to retrieve it?" He looked at her with one of his characteristic, inscrutable gazes, and she prayed that he wouldn't ask her what it was. Of course, she had not forgotten anything in his house, and she asked herself whether he could see right through her when he looked at her searchingly, until he finally nodded. After leaving St. Mungo's, they went to the next Apparition point. In the next second, Hermione felt the familiar sensation of being pressed through a much-too-tight rubber hose.

*~*~*~*~*

"Well?" he asked when they had reached his sitting room and Hermione gave him a very insecure look. "Wasn't it your wish to retrieve something?"

They stood just like they had re-materialised: very close. Suddenly, the air to breathe seemed to have become scarce. "I lied," she whispered, not knowing how the words could have slipped out of her mouth against her will. She felt her cheeks turn red, and her heart started pounding hard and loud, as if it were too large for the chest it was residing in. "I didn't forget anything. It's just... it's... I don't want to be alone. And I didn't know how to ask you whether I could come with you without... being awkward."

She swallowed when he stared at her without a word. "But on second thought, I guess it wasn't such a good idea," she whispered, embarrassed, wishing she could just take her words back. "If you want me to leave, I'll go, of course." She forced herself to withstand his gaze and asked herself whether he could look into her eyes and see the silent hope that he would not reject her.

"Do you want me to go?" she finally asked after long seconds of silence. When he didn't answer, she forced her head into an understanding nod and turned around.

Hermione had almost reached the door when she felt Severus's fingers around her wrist.