Scales are falling

This is a story by the great Marisol, a German FF writer whose stories can be found at http://www.harrypotter-xperts.de/fanfiction?author=17037

Translated from German into English by Muggline

Disclaimer: Neither Marisol nor Muggline are making any money out of this. Everything you recognise belongs to J.K.Rowling.

A/N: Thank you, oh ladyinthecloak, for coping with my inadequate punctuation skills and confusion of time and space once more :-)

Chapter 16 - Scales are falling...

Hermione looked at her reflection in the mirror. It was as if she saw herself for the first time. Her face was white as a sheet and damp strands of hair stuck to her cheek in an unsightly manner. Her cramped fingers let go of the sink, and she took a step backwards as if she were afraid of the person who stared back at her with eyes wide open. As soon as her back touched the wall of her tiny bathroom, she slowly slid down to the floor and slung her arms around her legs.

Her thoughts wandered back to the evening before of their own accord. She remembered meeting Snape by the stairs where he had said those weird words that kept spinning around in her head. "You are like perfume in the air, Hermione. You linger though you are already gone."

She had been unable to do anything but numbly look after him when he had hastily gone down the stairs as if he could not get away from her fast enough. Back at her flat, she had been lying awake for a very long time trying to understand the meaning of his words while desperately struggling to get some sleep.

It meant that he had thought about her – that she occupied his thoughts more than he was prepared to accept. It meant... well, what did it mean, actually? When she had finally drifted off in the wee hours of the morning and had that disturbing dream, her subconscious had answered questions that she had not wanted to ask in the first place.

Hermione jumped when she remembered the details of the dream that had felt irritatingly real. She was sure that in reality, she would never have followed him or allowed him to touch her like that, so why was she unable to brush it aside as the nightmare it was?

Maybe, a little voice inside of her said, because something has changed during the last few months and weeks. Something that you have desperately tried to hide from yourself.

She passed every single meeting with Snape in review and analysed her behaviour, trying to understand when it had started. There were so many signs... she would have been blind not to realise.

The fast and unnecessary breathing whenever she knew that she would meet him at Harry and Ginny's place.

The nervous trembling of her hands when she felt his penetrating gaze upon herself.

The hollow pressure in the pit of her stomach whenever she saw the deep emptiness and forlornness in his eyes...

It would have been easy to explain all this by the wish to see him discard all the shadows of his past, but this would cover only part of the truth, and she knew it. There was more. It was hidden deep under all those layers that she had built up so thoroughly – which had come tumbling down last night. She knew that everything had only been a dream, but she instinctively asked herself how she would have reacted if Snape had indeed come that close.

Slowly, she got up, took her nightgown off and got under the shower where she scrubbed until her skin started burning. It helped to feel clean and fresh again, but the strangely oppressive feeling inside of her remained. Until now, her experience had always been that falling in love was a marvellous feeling. It elated her and made her smile.

Now, however, all she felt was confusion, fear and the urge to hide under the covers after taking a hefty dose of Dreamless Sleep.

oOoOoOoOo

It was the most uneventful Christmas ever.

She had told Harry and Ginny that she could not spend the holidays with them because her parents wanted her to come home. It was true, of course, but in the past, she had always found the time to at least bring the presents for her friends over personally. With a bad conscience, she imagined their surprise upon receiving her parcel via owl post. Originally, she had planned to at least go for a short visit. But at the last moment, she had evaded the task, knowing that she'd most probably meet Snape there.

Her parents were happy to have her in the house for an entire week, and Hermione enjoyed the calm atmosphere, although she felt bad because she knew that she could not avoid the Potters forever. What was more, they knew her better than anybody else, and it would not take long for them to notice that something was wrong with her.

Deep in thought, Hermione looked out of the window and observed her father, who was clearing the snow away from the entrance. It had been a clear, ice-cold day that would have been perfect for ice skating, but Hermione had rather stayed at home, sitting in front of the fireplace and reading.

"Darling?"

Her mother's voice shook Hermione from her thoughts, and she turned around.

Jean smiled at her only daughter and stood next to her. "Do you like the book?"

"Yes, it's great, Mom," Hermione replied and returned the warm smile. She had already read one third of the book, but she could not say what the novel was all about.

"You seem depressed, Hermione," said Jean cautiously. "If you'd like to talk about something..." She sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to her own.

Hermione hesitated, but then she stood up from her armchair, rolled into a foetal position next to her mother and put her head into Jean's lap. When she was a small girl, she had always done this when she had needed her mother's consolation – just like she needed it now. She felt her mother's warm hands in her hair.

"Are you still sad because things did not work out right with Ron?" Jean asked calmly.

"No, that's not it. I'm over it," Hermione said.

Jean continued caressing her locks and waited. After what felt like eternity, she heard her daughter whisper, "I... I have developed feelings for someone."

"But that's wonderful, isn't it?"

Hermione swallowed hard. "No, I fear it isn't. It's happened just like that, I did not want it. And I most certainly did not choose it. But nobody asked me, do you understand?"

"Life never asks, darling," Jean replied wisely. "Why does it make you so sad?"

"Because this man is a person you would not choose if you wanted to be happy," Hermione whispered. She did not want to say more, and Jean felt that her daughter needed nothing more than her mother's gentle caresses on her back and the comforting illusion that all would be well somehow, someday.

oOoOoOoOo

For several weeks, Hermione successfully avoided visiting Harry and Ginny by using her work and her search for a new flat as an excuse. However, she realised that this could not go on forever. She was particularly afraid of being alone with Ginny. Her friend had an uncomfortable knack of reading her face like a book.

Ginny probably already had her suspicions. How else could her message to Hermione be explained?

Hermione, I must talk to you. It's urgent! I'd like to meet you at the office when you finish work, if you can find the time. Please don't tell Harry!

Ginny

Hermione said good-bye to her colleagues with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. When she reached the entrance hall of the Ministry, she already saw Ginny waiting there. When Hermione called her, Ginny spun around and laughed with relief when she saw her friend.

"Oh, I had hoped that you had no plans for today, Hermione," she greeted her. "I don't have much time because I left the boys with George at the store. Would you like to go for some tea somewhere?"

"Of course," croaked Hermione. Ginny looked rather tensed up. Her face was red, and her eyes sparkled as if she knew a secret that nobody else did. They decided to go to the nearest café.

They had hardly sat down when Ginny said, "I know that this is happening rather fast, but I had hoped that I could talk to you as soon as possible. You have made yourself scarce recently."

Hermione felt a pang of guilt and sheepishly looked at her feet. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I know, I'm a lousy friend,"

Ginny shook her head and reached for Hermione's hand. "It's okay. I understand that you need some time for yourself. Everyone needs it every now and then. Let's stop beating about the bush: I wanted to ask you for a favour."

Hermione nodded in surprise, but she did not manage to say anything. "The thing is – could you babysit the boys on Friday evening? Mom and Dad are visiting Charlie in Romania, Ron is busy and George – well, you know him." Ginny gave her a bright smile and continued, "I even tried Severus."

Hermione bit her lip.

"I thought that as he is Al's godfather, he could stay with him for a few hours. He had no objections, but then I said that the babysitting would also include James, and he refused." Ginny rolled her eyes. "I asked him whether he could be at our place on Friday at six, but he said that he would only watch Albus, not James."

"He didn't!" Hermione looked surprised.

Ginny nodded. "Yes, indeed, he did. I tend to forget that he obviously likes Al while he has never even really looked at James. He'll never change." She shrugged. "To cut a long story short: it would be great if you could help me out, Hermione." Ginny gave her friend a tense look, but Hermione answered immediately.

"Of course I can babysit those two," she assured. "What are you up to?"

Ginny blushed and smiled a very womanly smile. "I would like to surprise Harry and spend a nice evening with him. We have not spent time as a couple for a very long time, and, what is more, I would like to tell him something."

Her smile deepened and there was a certain gleam in her eyes that seemed to come from a very deep and secret place within her. "I would like to tell him that he is going to be the father of a little girl, soon," she said.

Hermione was speechless. She stared at the redhead and pressed one hand over her mouth. When she finally regained control over her voice, her words were just as confused as her mind.

"Oh, wow, oh my god! Ginny, that's great! I... wow! You're pregnant! Oh, I'm so happy for you! A girl... how...?"

"I just know it. I knew it right from the start." Ginny placed one hand over her womb, which did not show any sign of pregnancy yet. "This is going to be a girl. But as I did not want to be fooled by my instincts, I went to St. Mungo's to have it confirmed. Harry has been hoping for another child for quite a while. He keeps mentioning that the women are sadly under-represented in our family." She giggled, but soon she became earnest. "Her name is going to be Lily. I know, it looks as if I had no say in the names of our children. But I want to name her Lily."

Hermione got up without a word and hugged her friend, who also put her arms around Hermione and held her tight.

oOoOoOoOo

Friday evening at Godric's Hollow...

"Okay, dinner ought to be ready in twenty minutes. James should eat at least one serving, he has hardly eaten anything at lunch. You can put Al to bed at around seven, he usually falls asleep quite fast. James likes it when you..."

"Ginny, I'll manage," Hermione assured her with a grin. "You have been telling me these things three times already."

"I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous. Thank Merlin Severus did not accept. How could I come up with the crazy idea of asking him?"

"Must have been the excitement," Hermione said.

"Probably." Ginny giggled. "How do I look?" She scrutinised her appearance.

"Perfect," Hermione commented. Ginny wore a nice green blouse and a matching skirt. "But you ought to make haste if you want to pick up Harry on time."

"I know – I'm gone!" Ginny hurried to the kitchen and gave each of her children a kiss. "Be nice, you two, okay?" The boys nodded eagerly and put their small arms around their mother's throat.

Ginny obviously did not leave them in somebody else's care often, but they knew Hermione and were looking forward to the evening because Hermione had promised to read their favourite book to them and to play with them.

As soon as the door had fallen closed behind Ginny, Hermione looked after the meal, and James proclaimed loudly that he did not like peas. "They are green and round, and they stink," he exclaimed and gave the plate that Hermione had put on the table a distrustful glance.

Albus sat in his highchair and used his spoon to splash his porridge around happily.

"But you always liked peas," Hermione said with a voice she hoped sounded convincing. "Here, try them." She hopefully held out a spoonful for him, but he waved it aside and said, "I want cheese!"

What on earth have I saddled myself with? thought Hermione upon checking the fridge which contained all kinds of things, but no cheese.

oOoOoOoOo

After what felt like two hours, Hermione was on the verge of pulling out her wand. James had the loveliest, angelic smile of a harmless child. But as soon as his parents were away, he developed unexpected capabilities to drive Hermione to distraction.

When she heard the doorbell, Hermione almost laughed in relief. But then she remembered that Harry and Ginny would hardly ring their own doorbell. With an uneasy feeling she picked Albus up and went to open the door.

Snape.

His face reflected the blue colour of the moonlight, and his cheekbones cast shadows on his skin. "What are you doing here?" he asked after looking her up and down.

Hermione's stomach churned, and her throat constricted as if she were riding a roller coaster. Her gaze automatically fell to his hands which, in her dream, some time ago, had been buried in her hair, caressed her sides and forced themselves between her thighs.

She knew that she was blushing heavily when she looked over his shoulder into the darkness and said, "I am babysitting the children. Ginny asked me for it."

"Ginevra also asked me for it, and..."

"And you said that you'd watch Albus, but not James, upon which Ginny had the good sense to realise that asking you had been a bloody bad idea in the first place. As you can see, she has found a suitable replacement. So what do you want?"

God, she simply could not handle this. Not the way he pressed his lips together in a fine line, not the way his gaze darted over her face and the way her thoughts started whirling around in a blur inside her head. It was quite out of character for her to be rude or get abusive. Why couldn't he just disappear? Why did he have to turn up now?

He raised an eyebrow and gave her a dark look. "Mind your language, Miss Granger," he said cuttingly. "I came to offer her that I could stay as soon as the boys were asleep. Ginevra did not inform me that she had asked you in the meantime."

"Oh, bad conscience?" She bit her lip to avoid making any snide remarks and said instead, "Be it as it may, I am getting along quite well, and you can calmly go and do whatever you are usually doing on evenings like these." She wanted to sound determined, but her voice was weak and quivering.

In the background, something fell to the ground with a clatter, and James howled in triumph. Albus started thrashing about nervously on her arm.

"Pretending that you are out of your depth would be a compliment, Miss Granger," came his nasty comment. "I must admit that I am not up to date with the latest hair fashion, but I guess that porridge is not a part of it." He gave the splashes of porridge in her hair a pitying look and grinned scornfully.

Albus started crying as if on command. Snape took a step in her direction and extended his hands towards the child who immediately fell silent as soon as he was sitting on his godfather's arm.

"Now let me in. In case you did not notice, it is freezing out here and the boy is cold." He simply pushed Hermione aside with his free hand and entered the house. She could not do anything but resignedly follow him and accept the fact that she would feel the churning feeling in her stomach as long as he was near her.