Chapter Eight

Lily tentatively held out a small, wrapped gift.

"Happy birthday."

She hadn't spoken to Severus since before the Christmas holidays. On the Express she'd tried to track him down, only to find him in a carriage surrounded by Slytherins. She'd quickly turned away before any of them had seen her, but the sight had left a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. And now... now she worried what his reaction would be to seeing her, if he'd still even want to see her.

But she'd found him in their cave, so he couldn't have been avoiding her, at least not in private. Publicly he seemed almost embarrassed by her.

Severus quickly shut the book he'd been reading, stashed it under the pile on the pumpkin fizz box, and looked up at her. "You didn't need to do that," he said, nodding at the gift.

"Why not? Seventeen... you're of age now, Severus. Big day."

Severus looked at her, his eyes raking her body. "Yes, of age..."

And she knew what he was thinking, wondering if his mother's jinx had worn off yet. She hoped it had. At least, she thought she hoped it had – something had shifted between them. But maybe, just maybe if he could touch her again he'd spend more time with her, come back to her and leave behind his gang of Slytherins.

"Should we?" he asked quietly, placing his gift, unopened, on the box beside him.

Biting her bottom lip, she fiddled nervously with her hair.

"You have to promise me," she finally said, "that if it hasn't worked, that you're not going to leave me."

Severus looked at her. "I don't want to hurt you, Lil. It's the last thing I want to do."

She wanted to scream 'Then why keep hanging around with Avery, Mulciber, and those other creepy Slytherin boys!' but she didn't. It hadn't worked last time, why would it this time?

"Promise me," she said again.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. "Okay. I promise."

Lily reached out for him. Her hand hovered just above his, where a frayed cotton cuff met the pale skin of his wrist. This could well be it, she thought, the turning point. She could have him back, all of him. Drawing a breath for courage, she gently placed her fingers on his forearm.

The searing pain was instant. She clamped her hand down over his arm, hoping that if she held on long enough it would all end.

He yanked his arm away. "Lily, no!"

She collapsed back on her box, tears of frustration spilling down her cheeks. "It didn't work," she said dumbly.

"Obviously," Severus replied bitterly.

*****

Other than in Potions, where it was all cordial business, it wasn't until three weeks later, Lily's birthday, that she had a chance to talk to him again. In fact, by seven that evening, she wondered if he was even going to stop by and wish her well. But the owl arrived, asking her to meet him down in their cave, and so she slipped out of the common room and down to the dungeons.

Severus greeted her, but his voice was distant.

"Hey," Lily replied, watching him carefully.

"Well, happy birthday." As if it hurt him to do so, he held out a gift to her. Lily held back, not moving until he shook the package at her. It reminded her of visits by distant relatives, bringing her gifts out of duty, not desire.

Watching his face, she reached out to take the parcel. His eyes suddenly widened in surprise, and it took Lily a moment to realise why, until she felt his skin beneath her finger. She'd touched him, her thumb against the top of his finger. And it didn't hurt. Far from it, it sent shivers of need through her body.

Slowly his other hand came up, hovered by her cheek, then as he drew a shuddering breath, he brushed her skin. Again, no pain, nothing by the warmth of his skin on hers.

Lily pressed her face against his palm, closing her eyes as his thumb stroked her cheekbone.

"Lily." It was a hushed whisper, but it conveyed so much. His voice betrayed his longing, his sorrow, his desire. They stood that way for a while, Lily simply enjoying his touch.

She opened her eyes to check if he was real, and, met by dark longing, she knew it was.

His hand left hers, lifting her chin, tilting her head back. Slowly his lips came down over hers, softly at first, in an almost chaste kiss, barely touching her. Then, when nothing but desire flooded through her, Lily parted her mouth, inviting him in. He took her breath away, kissing her intensely. She fought with him, their tongues battling until she let out a gasp. He broke away form her mouth to nuzzle at her neck, shivering as he inhaled deeply against her skin.

"Oh, Lily. I've missed you."

She tried to reply, but her voice was gone. Instead, she placed her hands on his back, pulling at him, pressing herself to him. The present fell to the floor with a dull thud, but it went unnoticed. His musky scent filled her sinuses, filled her mind, as he kissed his way along her neck, over her exposed collar bone. She shivered, pressing herself tighter against him, never wanting to let go.

"Please, Lily, let me," he gasped, undoing the top button of her shirt. "Let me make love to you." His words wrenched through her, breaking down what little was left of her barriers. "It will be sweet and gentle and everything you deserve," he begged against her skin.

She wanted to. She wanted him as hers again. She wanted him.

"Yes," she breathed.

Severus paused for a moment, as if he'd expected her to say no.

He undid the next button. "You won't regret it, Lil."

His mouth moved over her skin, kissing each new part that he exposed as he divested her of her shirt. It fluttered to the floor to join the present, pushed off of her arms along with her robes, unnoticed. He took his time, exploring everywhere, kissing up her arms, over her stomach, stroking her back with his fingers. And she let him, arching her head back in pleasure at his touch.

He unzipped her skirt, letting it slide down her legs and to the floor, then stood back, his hand holding hers, and looked at her. Lily squirmed a little under his scrutinising gaze as he racked her body from head to toe with his eyes, but as desired filled his face, she relaxed, and as he reached out to touch her again, stroking her sides, the longing hit her deep inside.

Lily slid his robes off of his shoulders, and they fell away, pooling on the floor quickly forgotten. His shirt she tugged from his trousers as he continued to touch her, explore her body.

Determinedly, she stripped him of his shirt, pushing it from his shoulders and down his arms, revelling in the firm flesh beneath her hands, but the exploratory journey of her fingers down his smooth, hard skin was interrupted by coarse cotton fabric. His forearm was heavily bandaged.

Lily looked up at him, concerned.

He shrugged. "It's healing up nicely."

"What happened?" she asked, not quite put at ease his by his words.

"That doesn't matter right now," he replied, and he kissed her again, removing all other thoughts from her mind.

Her fingers fluttered over his chest. The coarse hair tickled her fingers, the firm muscles made her ache for him. She took in the contours of his upper body, searching out the curves and dips, trailing her fingers over his ribs, wondering at the shudder that overtook him as she traced along the fine trail of hair beneath his naval.

He explored her at arms length, allowing her space to touch his body, but the chill of the room began to seep into her skin, fighting a battle with the warmth emanating from within her and from him.

He let her go, and she sighed at her loss as she watched him walk across the room and remove the lid from the pickling jar that still held her blue flame. Immediately the room warmed. He bent and picked up his sodden robes from the wet floor, retrieving his wand. With a quiet spell, in a voice that reverberated through her, she watched as he transfigured one pumpkin fizz box into a bed. He extended a hand to her and gently pulled her down beside him onto the soft covers.

Quickly, he undid his boots, toeing them off to hit the floor with a splash, then took her ankles in his hands, unclasped her shoes and dropped them as well. He lay down beside her, the bed dipping slightly under his weight. He stroked her skin, his hands sliding around to unclasp her bra, fumbling for a few moments before pulling it loose. Down her arms it slipped, to join the rest of their clothes littering the puddles on the floor.

He worshipped her body, bathing it in kisses, nips, licks and gentle strokes, everywhere from her face down to her ankles, before moving back to her mouth. Lily moaned quietly, her body fizzing with desire from his ministrations, as he kissed her again, harder than last time, but not harshly. His fingers trailed down her chest, stroking her breasts, cupping them gently, massaging them firmly. And as his fingers caught up her nipples, she let out a needy groan. This was right, this was so right.

"Oh, Lily," Severus murmured, kissing his way down her neck, down to her breasts. His mouth was hot against her skin, almost scorching, but in a wonderful way. She felt the surreptitious movement of his hand down her stomach, floating over her abdomen, making her hips rise from the bed to meet his touch. And touch her he did. His fingers feather-light over her knickers at first, becoming firmer and firmer until Lily felt the material grow wet against her skin.

With determination, she moved to relieve Severus of his trousers, fumbling with his belt until it came loose. Lightly she began undoing the buttons that held his fly closed, fingertips brushing over the hardness beneath his clothing. He raised his hips, momentarily breaking his touch of her as she slid his trousers down over his hips, his thighs, his knees until finally they were off.

She sat there, perched on the edge of the bed, admiring his body. His skin was pale, covered in a fine layer of coarse dark hair. His chest she'd already explored, but she couldn't help admiring it again. Firm and lined with muscles beneath the skin, this Adonis, this picture of masculinity, sent the butterflies in her stomach frantic with desire. Further down, she skipped over his hips, not wanting to be caught staring at his black underwear for too long, down his thighs, to his shins, his ankles. He was definitely a sight for needy eyes.

She looked up at him, and he reached out to her, a small chuckle in his throat as he pulled her down beside him again. It was the first time she'd heard him laugh in months.

He took up residence at her breasts once more, his mouth a little firmer this time, tugging slightly on her nipples, tugging at something wonderful inside of her.

His fingers returned to her knickers, part of her now desperate for him to take them off and touch her properly, part of her still too shy.

Shy be damned, she thought, I want this.

She stroked his body, back down to his stomach, then more slowly, tentatively, down the trail of hair above his underwear again.

"Please, Lily," he murmured around her breast.

Slowly, her fingers moved over the cotton, coming to a halt of a tiny damp patch where her fingers first met hard, hot flesh beneath the material. He moaned softly, and, emboldened by his reaction, she traced his torrid length.

Her insides contracted at the feel of him, at the thrill of knowing that soon he'd be inside her, at the anticipation and the unknown.

A low growl came from his throat, and, a little hastily, he tugged the fabric of her underwear aside and slid his fingers along her moist folds. She gasped at his touch, her fingers falling away from him.

"Sorry," he murmured, his lips on her neck.

"Don't apologise, Severus. You're always apologising, there's no need," she whispered, the words coming out on the cusp of her shallow breaths.

She saw his chest rise as he drew a deep breath, then slowly she felt his fingers begin to move across and between a place unexplored. She shuddered as his fingertips ran gently up her, wondering at the silken feeling as they slid easily over her moist skin, but the wonder ceased to be replaced by ecstacy as the pad of his finger brushed over the hard tip of her clitoris. Her hips bucked, pressing up against him.

"Oh, Lil."

His voice was magic to her ears. Again he stroked her, slowly, determinedly, the concentration furrowing his brow. Slowly, as she became used to his touch, her mind returned, allowing her to lock the delicious feeling in there, allowing her to move again. Her hand dragged down his belly, this time delving inside his underwear. Coarse hair tickled her skin at first, but then she met hard flesh. The silken feeling of the head of his penis surprised her; she hadn't expected the skin to be so soft, so smooth. His fingers stalled a moment, but this time he didn't rush, simply waited for a while as she slid her hand down a little, wrapping her fingers around him. The size of him scared her a little; sure, he wasn't as well hung as the men in that magazine Mary had stolen from her mother had been, but now that he was here, he was real, Lily worried a little about how much this was going to hurt.

But no, so far, nothing hurt. Nothing but the ache inside of her to have him.

She must have lingered too long, or at least too long for Severus. He wrapped his hand around hers, slowly sliding her fingers up and down. He groaned at the first movement, thrusting into her hand.

She saw him bite his bottom lip almost painfully. "On second thoughts," he said, uncurling her fingers and pulling them from him, "perhaps not". He moved over her, pinning her to the bed beneath him with his forearms on her shoulders. And he kissed her again, softly. Lily felt him holding back, and wondered if he felt the same as her: terrified and exhilarated all at once.

He lowered his body down, the first time since they'd undressed that they had come into full contact, the only thing separating them was the flimsy cotton of their underwear.

She marvelled at the touch of his chest against hers, pressing her into the mattress. She arched against his flat stomach, and as his hips met hers she couldn't help but grind against him.

He met her thrust for thrust as their tongues tangled, as his fingers massaged her scalp. Her own hands pulled desperately at his back, slick with perspiration, pulling him more tightly against her.

She was drowning in that wonderful abyss again.

Finally, he broke their kiss.

He moved down her, and she cried out at the loss of his body against hers, but as he reached her hips, his fingers pulled at the waist band of her knickers on her hips, sliding them down and off.

Flushing, Lily locked her legs together, suddenly all too aware of how naked she was before him. He looked at her and smiled, his hands running up the insides of her legs, over her knees, up her inner thighs, gently persuading her to part them. She resisted at first, but as she watched him, saw the desire, the love in his eyes, she relaxed, allowing her legs to fall apart. Gently he pushed until she parted completely before him, exposing all of herself to him.

His eyes left hers, racking down her body until he was staring at her curls. Lily squirmed at his intensity. With an experimental touch, he reached out and dragged his fingers through her curls. Then again, this time deeper, he touched though the hairs to her skin. She shivered and he looked her in the eyes again, and knew what he saw there, the same as she saw in his; raw need.

He looked down again, and Lily's eyes slipped shut as she felt him press one finger inside of her, felt herself slick against his skin. Gently he slid his hand from her, then back in again.

"So hot, Lil," he muttered, and forcing her eyes open for a moment she caught a wonderful sight; his eyes were heavily lidded, his body arched a little, and his mouth slightly open. Desire embodied. It burned into her memory.

Gently a second finger joined the first and Lily could keep her eyes open no longer. He stroked her, building up momentum. It didn't hurt; it was a slightly odd feeling at first, foreign, but as his movements grew stronger the sense of strangeness left and only desire remained. Her toes began to tingle, her muscles clenched down on his with each movement.

Her eyes fluttered open only briefly, catching him watching her intensely. As they shut again, she felt pressure against her clitoris. His thumb, she concluded, but only just managed that thought. The feelings were overwhelming her, as her body clamped down desperately around his fingers.

"Oh, oh!" she cried out. "I think...Severus, I think...I'm going to...Severus..." she chanted.

His fingers pulled from her quickly, and she opened her eyes wide in surprise, only just having time to see him ridding himself of his underwear before he was atop of her again, this time his bare penis against her own naked sex. He thrust against her, his arousal sliding through her folds, keeping her at the point of almost ecstasy, but never quite enough to push her over.

"Lily?"

"Yes, Severus. Please, yes."

He groaned. Fumbling, he tried to find her opening. She felt him raise his hips higher, felt his hand between them, obviously gripping himself. He slid around her wet heat, driving her to near-madness. She placed her hand over his own, guiding him until he was poised at her entrance.

"Merlin, I love you Lily. I always will. For eternity."

She tried to echo his words, but she could do nothing but mouth her love back to him, her voice gone. He smiled gently at her.

He pressed forward slowly. Lily shuddered at the feel of him, so silky inside of her. There was but little pain, more discomfort at the unknown as her body became used to him. He seemed to keep going forever, until finally she felt the tip of his penis bump against something deep within her.

"Oh my..." Severus moaned in her hair. "Oh, Lily."

She felt it, felt the quivering of her inner walls, the light-headedness, and knew she was so close to climaxing. Never had she managed to bring herself here before, but this sudden darkness that was taking over her vision, the light-headedness, could be nothing else.

"Severus, please. Please!" she begged.

And he pulled back from her slightly, then pressed back in. She whimpered.

He lost control. His hips pulled back then shoved back inside of her with abandon. Stars fluttered behind Lily's eyelids as her orgasm, her first orgasm, took her over, her muscles contracting around his flailing shaft, her fingernails digging into his back.

"Damn!" he cried out, then as he thrust deeply into her, his control completely gone, her name rang out from his lips, "Lily!"

And she felt warm spasms of fluid filling her as he climaxed, his breath escaping in guttural grunts, his dark eyes wild.

He collapsed on top of her in a sweaty heap, her insides still quivering occasionally around him. She stroked his hair as he buried his head in her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, and she could hear the embarrassment in his voice.

"I thought I told you not to apologise to me?" Lily said, berating him light-heartedly.

He pulled his face up to look at her with great effort. "Did you...?" He left the words hanging there.

"Yes," she said with a grin on her face. "Yes, I most certainly did."

The relief on his face was astonishing. He propped himself up on his elbows and kissed her gently. "Thank you, Lily."

"Thank–" She reached up to stroke his arms as she went to return his words. But her reply cut off as felt the raised marks on his forearm. A chill ran through her body. Turning her head, her heart wrenching, she tried to reel from him in horror, but he still had her pinned to the bed, he was still inside of her. She closed her eyes, willing it to go away, but when she opened them, it was still there. The bandage on his left arm had come loose, and there, in stark reality contrasted against the pale skin of his arm, was another tattoo. A black one, slithering magically. A skull with a horrid serpentine tongue. The same mark pictured in the Daily Prophet hanging above the houses of those killed by Lord Voldemort.

The Dark Mark.

She tore her vision from it and met his eyes with horror. She stared at him, dumbstruck.

And then she slapped him. "How dare you? How dare you?!" Her voice sounded hysterical even to her ears, but she didn't care. She couldn't believe he would do that, that he would join the Death Eaters. She shoved at him, pushing him from her. Leaping off the bed as if it were on fire, she yanked up her sodden robes from the floor, clutching them to herself, trying to cover up as she desperately searched the pockets for her wand. She saw Severus wince, but she had no intention of hurting him. She just wanted out of here, as far away from him as possible. It had all been a farce; he was Voldemort's man, not hers. She felt dirty, violated, lied to. And, most of all, defeated.

"Let me explain!" Severus pleaded as he watched her spell her clothes back on, not even bothering to dry them.

"There is nothing to explain, Severus," Lily said coldly. "It's over." And she slammed the cave door shut behind her.

_______________________________________________

AN: Thanks to my lovely beta once more, I couldn't have done it without her :D