Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE

Years flew by, and things began to change. The teasing got worse, the pranks more dangerous and Rose became a bigger, more dangerous thorn in Lily's side. Dumbledore had taken to wiping Lily's file in Filch's office each year, he'd spoken to the other teachers, but still she was punished by some for Rose's troubles. She didn't blame Hogwarts staff, though, because she knew Rose had no qualms about pleading her name was Lily when she was caught, saying they'd got the wrong twin.

And Severus. Dear Severus. They still met in their cave, but it was infrequently. Sometimes weeks would lapse without her seeing him down there. And there, he was a different person, there he was kind and gentle and would talk to her for hours.

Outside their cave, Lily could see Severus slipping away from her, getting Darker. He now he hung out with a group of Slytherins – a group she knew were no good, whose names she'd heard linked with that of Voldemort's more than once. Older than him, they played games far too dangerous for her liking.

James and Sirius only seemed to make things worse. With each prank, each jibe, Severus drifted further and further from her, until finally it all blew up. The day of their Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. Lily had gone to find Severus, walking around the edge of the lake, to see how he thought the exam had gone, but by the time she had found him...

She didn't know what they'd said to him, but Severus stood there, screaming obscenities and hexes at James and Sirius across the lawn, his face contorted in fury. Lying on the grass, out of reach, was Severus wand. A flood of relief washed over her; if he'd been armed with his wand James and Sirius would quite possibly have been dead.

"Wash out your mouth," James spat coldly. "Scourgify!"

Lily watched on in horror as pink soap bubbles spewed from Severus' mouth, choking him.

And her paranoia about what Severus would do to them evaporated. How dare they attack him while he was defenceless! She knew how much helping him out egged Potter and Black on, but she couldn't just stand by and let them torture him. "Leave him ALONE!" she screamed at them.

James turned towards her, and the change in his attitude was immediate. She watched him primp himself, running his fingers through her hair and pulling himself up straight. He looked like a complete idiot.

"All right, Evans?" James asked, putting on a suddenly masculine voice.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated, angrily. "What has he done to you?" Her hands moved to her hips as she wanted impatiently for his answer.

"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

Lily bristled as she heard laughter from the surrounding students.

"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on...go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Gods, he had to be joking. Going out with Potter was the worst fate she could imagine. She saw Severus beginning to recover over James' shoulder, inching towards his wand. She had to do something, say something, keep them all distracted before someone got seriously hurt.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," Lily replied haughtily.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, not sounding particularly sorry as he turned back to Snape. "OI!"

But he was too late; Snape directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James' face, spattering his robes with blood. Severus, no, Lily thought. Please, just stop it!

James whirled around, and with another flash of light, Snape was hanging upside-down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of greying underpants.

Lily heard everyone gathered around them laugh, saw James' friends practically rolling on the ground at the hilarity.

She was absolutely furious. How could they?! She could feel the mortification for him rolling over her. She stood there, frozen to the spot in horror. But then, watching Severus, she saw it. It was small, but still very visible from her stand point. A tiny flower tattooed on the pasty skin of his hip. A lily. She felt her lips tug into a smile, her mouth twitch. But then she was drawn back to reality, the reality where James Potter was torturing her friend. Her smile vanished and furiously, she demanded, "Let him down!"

"Certainly," said James and he jerked his wand upwards; Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Slowly he stumbled to his feet, but before he was completely upright, Sirius hit him with, "Petrificus Totalus!"

Severus hit the ground with a dull thud, his body rigid as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted, drawing her own wand, waving it at Black and Potter. Anger seethed through her and she fought to control her actions. Sirius and James eyed her wand warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!" Lily yelled, her wand wavering in fury.

James sighed and muttered the counter curse.

"There you go," James said as Snape struggled to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus–"

Severus glared furiously at them all, Lily included. "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Lily blinked. He'd just called her...called her...she couldn't even think it.

"Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in future." And, feeling hurt, she added, "And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Apologise to Evans!" James roared at Snape, threatening him with his wand.

"I don't want you to make him apologise," Lily spat, rounding on James. "You're as bad as he is."

"What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

She glared down at him, so angry no words would come. A look of mortification crossed Severus' face, but Lily refused to care. How dare he! And he...he was supposed to be her best friend. She felt cheated, stupid and humiliated all at once.

She turned on her heel and hurried away, fighting back the tears that stung at her eyes.

James called after her, but she didn't look back. Severus didn't say a word.

She'd gone to his rescue, and what had she got in return? Mudblood, he'd said. Right to her face. She'd been stunned, shocked....

And she'd said he was as bad as James Potter – and from the look on Severus' face, that had been just as bad as what he'd said.

Severus had tried to apologise, sat outside Gryffindor tower for hours waiting for her to come out. And she'd turned him away.

*****

Lily had taken to holing herself up in the library, spending all of her spare time there, whiling away the last few days of school before the summer holidays. There she didn't have to deal with James and Sirius, there Severus couldn't come begging for forgiveness – Madam Pince would toss all three boys out in the blink of an eye.

"Hey, sis." Lily looked up, to find Rose standing on the other side of the table she sat at, pouring over Hogwarts: A History.

"What do you want?" Lily snapped.

"Oh such a sisterly greeting," Rose replied with a smirk. "I just thought you'd like to know that Severus is looking for you."

Lily felt a pang of guilt hit her, but she quickly brushed it aside. He'd called her a Mudblood! "Whatever. Leave me alone."

Rose looked across the library and Lily's eyes followed. She saw Madam Pince glaring at them as she finished off packing up for the night. Lily began gathering her books.

"Okay. Besides, I've got more fun to be had," Rose replied, and Lily wondered at the malicious gleam in her eye. No, she wouldn't care. What Rose did was Rose's business.

Lily finished retrieving her belongings and left the library with a smile at Madam Pince. The woman simply nodded in return, looking relieved at calling it a day.

She walked through the almost silent corridors. It was nearly curfew and Lily was going to be cutting it close to make it back to Gryffindor Tower in time, but that was the way she liked it nowadays, to slip in the Portrait hole and straight up to bed, giving James and Sirius no chance to talk to her.

She rounded the corner and the sight that met her froze her in her steps.

Severus stood there, backed up against one stone wall, Rose before him, her hands on his chest. Her sister was touching her Severus!

Lily's heart leapt into her throat, stopped beating and settled there as a hard lump. Surely Severus wouldn't turn to her sister! But there he was, letting her touch him.

"Lily?" he asked her, looking confused.

She wanted to scream out, wanted to tell him no, it wasn't her. But some morbid part of her wanted to see what would happen, if Severus would know it was Rose, not her.

And so she watched on, her breathing stopped as Rose stood up on her toes and kissed him. And not just a peck, it was a kiss to rival those she'd seen Sirius accosting many of the female population of Hogwarts with.

Lily's eyes filled with tears. He was supposed to be hers. Only hers.

"Rose!" Severus hissed, shoving at her, pushing her to the ground. "Get off me!" He was furious, absolutely livid. His face flamed red, his eyes shooting her looks good enough to kill. Lily felt herself draw breath again into her starved lungs.

"What does it matter who I am?" Rose retorted, with a smirk. "I look like her, don't I?" Lily's anger surfaced, forcing her to clench her fist so tight she could feel her fingernails almost piercing her palm. Of all the things Rose had done, all the trouble she'd got Lily into, this was the pinnacle. Now she was trying to steal Severus, her Severus.

"You could never be her!" Severus bellowed, looking down at her in disgust.

"I could," Rose said with a smirk. "I could do far more for you, Severus, than she does."

Lily saw a thin line of blood trickle down Severus' chin from his lip. Rose had bitten him. The sight of his blood tipped her over the edge and Lily's rage over took her.

"I've had it! This is it, Rose Evans!"

She drew her wand from her sleeve, dropping all her books to the ground as she did so. Rose looked terrified for a moment, but Lily, even in her fury, noted the look of confusion when she turned her wand on herself. "Sectumsempra!"

And she hacked at her hair, shouting Severus' hex over and over until she stood surrounding by a puddle of her own red locks. "No one will ever mistake us again, Rose!"

Rose sat on the floor, cross-legged and looked at her, perplexed. "Hey Lil," Rose called to her. "I've been thinking it was time we had a hair cut. Nice idea, sis. I'll get right on it. Sectumsempra, wasn't it?"

Frustration swooped over her, tightening her muscles into knots. It wasn't fair! How could her own sister do this to her? Looking down, seeing all her hair, all her lovely hair at her feet, Lily burst into tears. She should have known better, known that wouldn't stop Rose. She'd been so angry, she couldn't think straight. She still was.

"Lily!" Severus called, stepping over her twin, and rushing along the hall to her.

"Leave me alone!" Lily shouted back angrily. But he didn't stop, he came to her, taking her by her arms, holding her. And she collapsed against him, sobbing.

"Oh, Lily," he sighed, holding her head to his chest. She heard Rose leaving, her footsteps disappearing down the hall. She heard the rustle of Severus' robes as he pulled his wand from them, heard the tiny murmur of "Accio Lily's hair." And then she let him take her by the hand and lead her down to the dungeons.

She followed him numbly into Dungeon Five, trudged along the tunnel to their cave in silence, neither of them speaking a word, save for Severus' muttering the passwords, until Severus had locked the door behind them.

"Lily," he said with a sigh, looking at the hanks of hair he held in his fist. "Why on earth–"

"I'm so sick of her!" she declared. "I don't care what I have to do, no one is going to mistake me for her again!" She pulled her wand towards herself again, but Severus hands closed over hers, plucked it from her fingers and put in gently down on a pile of books stacked on one of the pumpkin fizz boxes.

She sat down in defeat, her head in her hands.

"Oh, Lily," Severus said again. "Why did you have to use that spell. I... I've never managed to reattach anything severed by that." She looked up and saw him looking forlornly at her hair. "This is all my fault, I never should have made that up, I never–"

Lily looked from the strands of her hair in his hands to him, and suddenly it didn't matter. Severus had come to her help her, he didn't think her a Mudblood. No more than she thought he was as bad as James Potter.

"It doesn't matter," she told him earnestly.

Severus looked at her. He leant across, touching her jagged, cropped hair. "You're right. You look as beautiful as ever."

She looked at him in surprise, then felt herself smile for the first time in days.

"But, I think I know precisely how we can get one over on Rose. She's bound to be back in her room playing hair dressers now, cutting her hair just as short as yours."

Severus reached over to a pile of books he had stacked on the spare box, Lily's wand perched on top. Carefully he selected one, and began searching its contents. Lily watched on, intrigued. "Here we go!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

He pulled his wand from his robes, pointing it at Lily. "Hold still. Augmentum Crinitus." And Lily could feel her scalp tingling, then, out the corners of her eyes, she saw her hair growing, slowly, inch by inch, until it was just as it had been before. She touched her head, pleased to feel it all back.

Lily laughed. "Rose is going to go nuts in the morning when she realises I've got my hair back!"

"I certainly hope so," Severus said with a grin. He paused, ran his tongue over his lip, swollen as it was from where Rose had taken a bite at him. Turning his wand on himself, he quickly fixed it, cleaning up the trail of dried blood as well.

Lily looked on in quiet disgust. She couldn't understand, and doubted she ever would, why Rose had thought Severus might enjoy that.

"Your sister appears to be a closet vampire," Severus said with a dismissive laugh.

Lily felt a tiny smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

Severus' face suddenly turned serious again. "And now, there's just one more thing to fix," he said quietly, leaning over towards her, his hands in her hair, his fingers teasing her still tingling scalp, his face mere inches from hers. "I'll be damned if the last person I have kissed is going to be her." And he closed the gap between them, his lips meeting hers. His mouth was warm on hers, soft against her skin. It was so different from the last time he'd kissed, back in first year, but Lily felt her heart flutter exactly the same. Her insides turned to a pool of mush as he parted his lips, tracing the line of her mouth with his tongue. She wanted this, she needed it. Slowly, she moved her lips apart, allowing him in. He moved slowly, teasing at the soft flesh, tracing the lines of her lips with his tongue, then gently he began exploring her mouth. Lily felt a jolt run through her, a shivering thrill. She never imagined it could be like this, so perfectly right. His fingers pressed firmly into her hair, pulling her closer, his kiss becoming more determined. She could smell him, the same musky scent she'd caught in her first year, but even more intoxicating.

She could lose herself here, with him touching her, with the outside world forgotten forever.

But first, first she had to have some answers.

She pulled away from him, her hand on his chest gently pushing him back.

He looked at her, distress apparent in his eyes. "Lily, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have..."

She smiled. "Yes, you should have, Sev."

The relief washed over his features like a tidal wave, only to be quickly replaced by confusion.

She drew a deep breath, gathering the courage to ask him. Finally, speaking so quickly she was amazed he understood her, she said, "You called me a Mudblood."

Severus dropped his eyes to the floor, red colouring his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I... Potter...." He stopped, closed his eyes and paused before speaking again, looking up at her, his dark eyes pleading with her. "I wasn't thinking. It was stupid. Potter had me so angry...." Lily saw his fists clench and unclench. "He gets on my nerves like you wouldn't believe."

She reached down and took his hands in hers. "I know. It doesn't matter." She had what she wanted; he really hadn't meant it. It had been hurtful words spoken in the heat of battle, aimed at the wrong person. "But why let him?" Lily said, trying to reason with him.

"Why do you let Rose do it to you?"

Lily flushed. He was right, they were one and the same.

"They're not worth it," she said quietly. "None of them are worth it."

"Only one thing is worth it," Severus replied, tugging gently on her hands and pulling her to her feet. And he kissed her again. Not softly this time, this time it was all the pent up anger, all the frustration, all the longing, and she returned it stroke for stroke. Their tongues tangled, her body pressed against his as she tilted her head back to reach him. She stepped closer still, needing to know he was really there. That he was hers.

Severus let out a moan into her mouth, his hand on her lower back holding her to him. She felt the hard bulge of the front of his trousers pressing into her stomach and her insides flip-flopped, a rush of warmth radiating from her insides. He backed her up, pressed her against the wall. His hands wandered her body, stroking her sides, circling her hip, his mouth never letting up. And she gave as good as she got, kissing him back fiercely, her hands exploring his chest through his shirt. She was surprised at the hard muscles she felt beneath; sure he was still lanky, but he was no longer a weedy kid.

Lily shivered as she felt one hand drift up her side, first tentatively touching the outer edge of her breast through her jersey, then sliding across, cupping her, his fingers like liquid heat through the wool to her skin.

She moaned softly, pressing herself more firmly into his hand.

But his fingers left her. Her eyes flew open, staring into his, but there she saw a greedy glint, and felt his hands tugging at the hem of her jersey, then fingers slide beneath, over the skin of her stomach, pressing the fabric up as he moved, until he was tracing along the lower edge of her bra.

"Severus," she said, half in protest, half in need.

"Gods, Lil, you have no idea..." And his fingers slid beneath her bra, touching the soft skin of her breasts. She drew in a sharp breath, feeling her knees weaken at his touch. They traced lightly at first, then found her nipples, rolling each in his fingers. A pang of longing hit her, and for a moment her eyes fell shut and she would have let him do anything he wanted with her. Anything at all.

"I want you as mine, Lily. Always."

Her eyes flew open and she stared up at him. No, she was not going to do this now. Yes, one day, one day she would lose her virginity and it would be to Severus, at least she hoped it would, but now wasn't right. An hour ago she'd loathed him.

She put her hands around his forearms and tugged them away.

Looking panic stricken, he stepped back, his hands dropping to his sides. He looked at the floor. "Sorry."

"I–" she tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come.

"No, don't Lily. I know. I don't know why I thought–" His words broke off again, followed by a heavy sigh. "I'm certainly not good enough for you."

He turned away, picking up a couple of books from the stack, preparing to leave.

"Severus," Lily said quickly, and he glanced at her. When he saw the look on her face, his eyes didn't leave. "It's not that at all! Not good enough for me? Nonsense! I just don't want to, I'm not ready, I–" She paused. "No one's ever done that to me before."

A small smile tugged at Severus mouth. "Neither have I, Lil. I hardly have girls queuing up for me."

She smiled. "I'm glad," she replied. Then she went on, "Things just haven't been so... great recently." Understatement of the decade, she thought. "I think we should just wait, see how things go...." What she really wanted to know was that he was going to stop all this nonsense, everything with Potter, all the Dark Arts rubbish, but she couldn't demand that of him. He needed to do that on his own.

"I'm not going to push you into anything you don't want to do, Lil," he said earnestly. "And things are going to change. No more Potter, no more Rose. It's you and me and the rest can be damned!"

Lily hoped beyond hope what he said was true.

________________________________________________

AN: A huge thanks once again to my stunning beta and her wonderful whip :-*

Legal stuff: Parts of this chapter contain quoted material from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - no copyright infringement intended, just having some fun!