Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR

Lily returned to Hogwarts early, on a cold January day, the last day of the Christmas holidays, hoping to find Severus before school started again, to ask him where he'd been. She hadn't seen him at all over the holidays, not even had a measly owl from him. Nothing.

She was worried; maybe he didn't like her anymore. Maybe he'd rather be with the rest of the Slytherins instead. But, after searching the grounds, the buildings, and even stopping by their secret rendezvous, their cave, a few times, Lily realised he wasn't there. Crawling into bed late that night, she felt as if her heart was ripping in two. He didn't want to be her friend anymore.

She could have sworn it was Severus in that window of his house, the night she'd had to take Petunia there to get the bat-bogey hex removed, that he had been home. Why would his mother lie to her? Probably because Severus had told her to, he probably never wanted to see her again. No, that didn't feel right to her. The whole ordeal of going to the Snape house still left her with a deep-seated feeling of dread. And made her realise her own parents weren't so bad.

An owl from the ministry had come, warning both her and Rose about performing magic outside of school. The twins had spent the rest of the holidays in their rooms as punishment. Lily didn't mind so much though. Given the tension in the house, she'd rather have spent her time alone, anyway.

She'd kept herself busy, not wanting to dwell on any of it. She spent her time reading Miranda Goshawk's Standard Book of Healing Spells and trying to find the perfect present for Severus. She thought she'd done quite nicely! But now, back at Hogwarts, with the perfected gift stored away in her trunk, she had nothing to do at night besides stare up at the ceiling and think, and wonder if she'd ever get the chance to give it to him.

She worried that perhaps she'd said something wrong, worried about giggling after he'd kissed her that day they were down in the cave. That perhaps she should have said something to him about the kiss, but despite his rush out of there, he hadn't seemed mad.

The next day came and went without word from him.

And then she began to worry perhaps something even worse had happened. Maybe his mother hadn't let him come back.

It wasn't until the last class of the following day that she saw him. It was Potions, Slytherin with Gryffindor, and she was quite surprised, though relieved, to see him slope into class and take his usual seat next to her. His hair hung down over his face, looking, if possible, even more dishevelled and greasy than before.

"Hi!" she chirped at him, but he didn't look at her. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Hello," was all he said, talking to the floor as he retrieved his books from his overflowing bag. He didn't even look at her as he opened one up and began to read, his head so low his large, hooked nose almost touched the pages.

"What's wrong?" she asked, worried.

"Nothing."

Lily was taken aback. So he was mad at her. It had to be over the kiss in the cave, she couldn't imagine what else she had done. Maybe she should say something to him about that, apologise for giggling.

"Look, Severus, I..." But the words failed her. She knew she should tell him she liked the kiss, that it was almost all she'd thought about all holidays, well that and researching her present for him. But she couldn't tell him that, not here. It was embarrassing, especially with James Potter making smoochy noises at her back.

And before she could come up with something to say, Slughorn came into the classroom and started the lesson.

She waited patiently, taking notes in her precise handwriting, trying to listen attentively, but her mind and her eyes drifted to the boy sitting next to her. He didn't move the entire time. His head hung low, his greasy hair curtaining his face from her. She kept quiet until Slughorn told them to fetch their ingredients for the lesson.

James and Sirius left their perch behind them, James calling rudely over his shoulder, "Come on, Evans, you'd better get it. Snape would trip over his nose if he stood up."

Ignoring them, she turned to Severus and tried again.

"Have I done something wrong?" Lily whispered tentatively.

He turned to look at her and her mouth dropped open. One of his eyes was black, and his lip was split.

"You couldn't ever do anything wrong, Lily." His words came out sadly. He quickly turned away from her.

"What...what happened?" she stammered, but he was on his feet on his way to the Potions cupboard, not answering her.

And she knew already. It was no secret that life at the Snape household was far from perfect. Severus had told her a little about it, but she never thought....

It made her realise, even with Petunia not talking to her and that letter that had arrived from the Ministry threatening expulsion should magic be used in their house again, that Christmas at the Evans household had not been that bad.

"Let me look," she insisted, as he sat back down at their table, pulling her wand from her pocket to heal him. Suddenly she was glad she'd spent that time over the holiday reading up on magical cures, it looked as though it was going to come in handy already. At least, she was fairly sure she could fix him up. She reached out with one hand, pushing his hair back from his face.

"Ooh, yeah, Snivellus. Let mummy make it all better," Sirius cackled from behind them.

"Leave me alone!" Severus shoved at Lily's hand, pushing her away. Her hand hit the desk and she clutched at her stinging fingers, more surprised than actually hurt.

*****

Days passed and still Severus refused to speak with her, not uttering a word that wasn't absolutely necessary. Outside of Potions, he seemed to vanish.

And Rose was at it again. Her latest escapade, or so Lily had been told by Professor Binns as he'd commanded her into his classroom for detention, was hexing the Head Girl for taking five points off Slytherin.

Lily didn't even bother to protest her innocence this time. There seemed no point. She'd long since given up trying to convince the teachers that it wasn't her doing all these things, it was her sister. There was no point. And she felt silly going to Dumbledore after all those detentions and tellings off to tell on her sister just to clear her own name. She had more important issues on her mind.

Lily sat in detention, Professor Binns floating above his chair, snoring, as she wrote out lines. I must not hex students in the hallway. Over and over again. But her mind was far from the punishment. Instead, she was thinking about Severus as her quill hand systematically wrote the words. Even when she sat next to him in Potions he was cold and distant. She missed him; he was her only real friend. Yes, there were girls in her dorm she talked to, but none of them knew her like Severus did. And she didn't feel like a typical Gryffindor, she wasn't loud enough or as self-assured, and so she never felt like she really fit in with any of their discussions, any of their games.

As she finished up the last line, she deposited the work before a still snoozing Professor Binns, decided against waking him, and slipped out of the room, determined to find Severus. She needed him back.

It wasn't to be just yet, though. For leaning casually against the stone walls was Rose.

"Hey, sis,' she said all too sweetly when she saw Lily. "You better not have dobbed me in."

"I should have!" Lily said indignantly, clutching her books harder, her knuckles turning white.

"Why? Can't little Lily handle not being Miss Perfect for a change?"

"I'm not perfect," Lily protested, glowering at her sister.

"I know you're not. I've seen you sneaking off with that revolting Snape boy. You wait until mum hears about that!"

"It's not like that!" Lily insisted, feeling the panic in her rising. She knew her mother wouldn't like that one little bit. And of course, immediately the kiss at the end of term popped to mind – she could just imagine what would happen if her mum found out about that! But now, Rose couldn't possibly know.

Rose shrugged, unconcerned. "That's not what mum will think. I mean, unless of course you're not going to tell her anymore about the... things I get up to."

Lily sighed in defeat. She had no choice. "All right, fine. But you stop getting me into trouble!"

Rose laughed, skipping off down the hallway. "We'll see about that!" she called back over her shoulder with saccharine sweetness.

Lily finally found Severus walking across the grounds, heading back to the castle from Herbology. He walked alone, head down, hair hanging limply around his face. She barely noticed James Potter and his ever-present sidekicks huddled together pointing and giggling at Severus as she raced to catch up with him.

"Severus," she called. He didn't turn to look at her, though she did see him jump a little.

"Go away." He snubbed her, head front and forward, upping his stride towards the castle.

"Why? I wish you'd tell me what I've done!" she called, running along to keep up with him.

"You've done nothing. Forget about it," Severus snapped.

Lily was crushed. She wished he would talk to her, tell her about everything, let her try and help.

"Ooh, little Snivellus has mummy checking up on him again!" James Potter's voice echoed across the grass, Sirius and the other two boys with him laughing.

Lily turned to Severus, disgusted. It suddenly became all too clear – he'd taken what they were saying to heart, ditching her over two stupid boys. "You're not seriously listening to them, are you?'

He shoved past her, picking up his pace. "You wouldn't understand."

"Wouldn't I? You think they're all my chums when we get back to Gryffindor Tower?"

Severus stopped in his tracks, and turned to look at her. She was almost relieved by his attention, relieved that his black eye and split lip had been healed, but there was something in his dark eyes, something that made her uneasy. "They tease you?"

"Of course they do. They're just a bunch of toerags," Lily replied, smiling to herself as it reminded her of their password, their cave. "But–"

Severus was no longer listening, though. His face had suddenly shot red and furious. He'd dropped his books to the ground and was racing off across the grass to where James and Sirius stood, leaving Lily standing there, staring after him. It only took her a moment to realise what he was doing, but by the time she took off after him, she was too far behind.

"You...you!" Severus was yelling at James, his wand out, pointed at the boy's neck. His friends didn't look so tough now, all of them glancing at each other as James quivered in his shoes.

"Severus, no!" Lily yelled, sprinting across the lawn.

"How dare you tease her!" He was bellowing, his wand arm twitching in fury. He didn't even seem to be aware she was there, didn't seem to have heard what she'd said at all.

James' eyes were huge, his terror obvious. He didn't look cool anymore. Instead he looked like a very scared little boy.

Lily caught up with them, grabbing Severus' wrist, pulling his wand down. "Don't!" She glared at James and Sirius. "They're not worth it!"

She could see James visibly relax. "Mummy to the rescue again, Snivellus?"

Severus struggled against her hold on his wrist, trying to pull his wand arm free.

Lily glared furiously at them. "James Potter, you are an arrogant toerag!"

To her surprise, Severus suddenly stopped struggling.

And she turned, dragging Severus with her, trying to ignore the cackling of James Potter's ridiculous friends.

She pulled him all the way down to the cave.

"Sev, what did you do that for? They'll never leave us alone now!" she berated him, her voice shrill, bouncing off the stone walls.

"I'm not having him teasing you!" Severus was still angry, he was pacing the cave, unable to keep still.

"Oh, for goodness sakes, I'm more than capable of handling a few jibes from those two," Lily said angrily. "They're not worth getting expelled over!"

"You shouldn't have to put up with them!" Severus replied, scowling.

She sighed. "Let's just forget it, okay?"

"Forget it? I'm not just forgetting it! How dare they tease you?!" he growled, then slumped down on one of the pumpkin fizz boxes, putting his face in his hands. "It's all my fault," he said so quietly she barely heard him.

"Your fault?" Lily asked, confused.

"Yes. They only tease you because you're friends with me. You'd be better off without me."

Lily laughed. "Hardly, Severus! I've been miserable since you haven't been talking to me."

He looked up at her, the surprise on his face evident. "You have?"

"My best friend stopped talking to me. Of course I've been miserable."

Severus sighed. "I'm sorry, Lily. I just... I thought you'd be better off without me."

"Rubbish," Lily said dismissively, not wanting to let him go any further down this self-destructive line. "Let's just forget it." He made to protest, but she held up her hand to stop him and continued speaking over the top of him. "I've got a birthday present for you!" she exclaimed, trying to clam the whole situation.

"But I told you that you didn't need to," Severus replied, but is voice had softened. Lily inwardly grinned that she'd managed to distract him for now.

"Well, it's not a present exactly..."

And she pulled out an old glass pickling jar from her bag. Inside burnt a blue flame, and as she took the tin lid off, it lit up the room, warming the cave to a tolerable temperature.

"Wow," Severus said, looking at the flames with fascination. His eyes moved up to meet hers. "That spell's really complicated–"

Lily blushed, so pleased he was impressed. "I read all about the spell all holidays. Can't tell you how relieved I was to get back to school and actually try it out. I mean, the first few times it flickered and died, but this one has been going for six days now."

Severus smiled, his face softened by the flame-light. "Thank you."

Lily relaxed, glad James and Sirius were forgotten. At least, for now.