Practice Practice Practice
Chapter 13 of 18
ShanastaySeverus does something naughty. Shaluinn blows off some steam, and someone is spying on her.
Disclaimer: (In the spirit of Crimson Starlight)
Kim: *completely out of it, drooling over elves and wizard*
Elladan & Elrohir: *gaping at wizard*
Snape: *glaring at elves* Madam?
Shana: *looks up from scattered paperwork* Huh? You talkin' to me?
Snape: Yes.
Shana: So, what do you want?
Snape: Why are they *points* here?
Shana: Well, you Disapparated, and I needed some raven-haired hotness for the disclaimer. That and they totally destroyed Serenity's kitchen... again.
Snape: I see.
Shana: *suspicious* Do you?
Snape: *glaring*
'Dan: Should we...
'Ro: ...just go?
Kim: Bwahbwahbwah...
Shana: *eye roll* Oh, good Lord! The plot, Shaluinn and all associated with her belong to me. All else belong to the genius of JK Rowling and JRR Tolkien. *to elves and Snape* Why can't you all just get along???
Chapter 13: Practice, Practice, Practice
The feeling was incredible, indescribable. Severus soared high into the clouds, dipping and turning and gliding, following the air currents where they took him. Occasionally he would flap his wings, keeping his altered form aloft. The world below seemed but a surreal dream, everything so far away.
He felt... free.
Flying as a bird was wholly unlike broom flying. Severus had been a Chaser for Slytherin while he was a student at Hogwarts. He had never lost his love of soaring through the ether. But his position as a spy gave him little opportunity to indulge in such things. He had been afforded precious few chances to move about in his Animagus form once he'd achieved the transformation.
Banishing all conscious thought from his mind, he allowed his latent animal instincts to rise to the fore, guiding his actions. Not a care in the world, he performed feats of flight only a bird could achieve or appreciate. Gliding low over a Muggle neighborhood, he suddenly spotted something that had him giving in to an impulse born of his understated, sadistic sense of humor.
He turned, dropping toward the ground in a tight spiral. He very nearly overshot the perch he had been aiming for, beating his wings wildly to brake his forward momentum. Even then, he had to dance about the branch he'd meant to land on so he wouldn't flip over it. Finally righting himself, he sat on his perch in a tree overlooking a Muggle backyard.
A malicious glint shined in the ebony avian's eyes as he took in the sight of a man cleaning a set of tall, clear, sliding-glass doors leading out to a large yard. Near the doors in question was a chaise lounge with a paperback book resting on it. As he watched, the man completed his labors and stepped outside.
I can't believe I'm doing this...
Snape saw his chance and leapt off his branch, gliding around to the front of the edifice. There he found exactly what he'd been looking for: a push-button doorbell. Bursting with malevolent intent, he swooped to the door, and while beating his wings wildly, managed to hit the button in question. He swiftly turned and flew to the back, waiting while the unknowing Muggle man made his way back into the house and towards the front.
Angling his descent so he landed on the sliding-glass door handle at a certain angle and with enough force to send it gliding shut, the disguised Potions master closed the crystal-clear door. With a squawk, he beat a retreat back to his previous perch, so he might observe the fruits of his labors unimpeded. It didn't take long for the visibly irritated man to reappear, striding straight for the now closed portal to his backyard. Having been distracted just enough, the man walked right into the clear glass door, knocking himself to the ground, utterly senseless.
Snape just about fell off his branch, he was laughing so hard, his raven body emitting sounds very much akin to human laughter. Yes, it was a dirty trick. Yes, it was undeniably juvenile. Yes, the last time he'd done something like that had been over thirty years prior in his childhood. Yes, such behavior should have been totally beneath him. But damn had that been fun!
It was utterly exhilarating, being able to move about with total freedom. He could go virtually anywhere undetected. Hence his reasoning for going to all the trouble he had. His spying abilities had increased a hundredfold with this new skill. But spying was the last thing on Severus' mind at the moment. Instead he relished, he reveled in the alien, revitalizing feeling of letting go.
Taking flight again, he let wind and whim lead him on.
-------------------------------------------------------
If Shaluinn had been annoyed before, she was livid now. What the hell was all that about? Gooseflesh had risen on her skin along with a strange and eerie sense of déjà vu. The redhead attempted to quell her rising unease with anger. Man in black? Molten fire and emeralds? Firenze must be smoking some damn fine crack to bust out that shit.
The woman had an overwhelming desire to destroy something, to do some serious damage. Destiny my lily-white ass. The anger and frustration she was feeling began feeding back into itself, and with no outlet immediately available, amplifying.
Slamming her fist into a wall crossed her mind for a split second before being discarded. I have enough problems without doing serious damage to myself. The sconces she passed as she strode down the corridor flashed momentarily, the flames leaping high, before subsiding.
Still every bit as lost as she'd been before encountering Firenze, the American kept walking, trying to move in as much of a straight line as possible. Finally, luckily, she found what she had been searching for: an exit. A tentative plan had formed in her mind as she realized she had not emptied her pockets the previous day.
Stepping outside through what she discovered was a side entrance, the woman found herself on a slope leading down toward the lake and the meadow bordering it. The bright sunlight that had nearly blinded her earlier had given way to a rather gloomy, murky overcast. The dismal cloud cover that was indicative of Scottish weather did nothing to help her mood, merely reinforcing it. Shaluinn could see a grey haze off in the distance, heralding the imminent arrival of a drizzling rain.
Fuck inclement weather!
Knowing how much it would make her back and knees ache, the redhead fought back the urge to release her pent-up anger by running. She wasn't attired in appropriate footwear or a properly supportive bra to prevent bounce.
Long strides brought her to the grassy, flattened out area bordering the lake. Decision made, she moved to one end of the meadow, rifling through her pockets. Finding a level spot, she stopped and stooped, placing a familiar object in the grass. A flex of her right wrist to retrieve her wand, a swish and flick and softly murmured incantation, and the familiar form of her target bale mounted on its stand rose out of the grass. Callaway walked around the back of the bale to get at the oversized, vinyl pouch and cylindrical tube that hung from the frame.
From the tube, she retrieved a large target sheet. Concentric circles emanated out from the center, changing from gold, to red, to blue, and finally to black around the outside. Reaching up, she pulled four large, spiral-topped stick-pins out of the sides of the bale. She centered the target sheet on the synthetic round, wrapping the edges around the sides and securing them with the pins. Stepping back, she made sure it looked right and moved behind the frame again, this time retrieving a huge, round, measuring-tape reel and a small metal hook.
Shaluinn returned to the front of the target, bending down to embed the hook in the ground. She pulled on the measuring reel, securing the metal loop on the end through the hook in the ground. Righting herself, she walked backwards in a straight line, mentally ticking them off as she passed 30 meters, 50 meters, 60 meters, and finally 70 meters. She took one more half-step back, before sliding a button on the reel forward, holding it at that mark. Setting the reel on the ground, she dragged the heel of her left foot along the soft ground next to the 70-meter mark, making an improvised shooting line.
The American found her ire slowly receding in the wake of the very familiar routine of setting up for practice. It was still there, but at a more manageable level. At least now, she wasn't likely to snap a roundhouse kick into the face of the next person to talk to her. She still had roiling emotions to quench, but those feelings had found an outlet. She dropped several more items into the grass, this time using her left hand to return them to normal size.
Retrieving her hair elastic from a pocket, she doffed her coat, pulling her hair back into a ponytail and then a loose loop. Visor and quiver on, she turned the scope lying on its side. Righting the piece of equipment, she extended the tripod's legs and swiveled the scope to face the target. She put her face to the eyepiece, adjusting the lens until she could see the target clearly, the circle filling the scope's field of view. She adjusted a couple of knobs to keep it in place and stooped to retrieve her bow.
Bow-stand unhooked and secured on the back of her belt, she stepped up to the left side of the scope. She took a second to untangle the bright strings hanging from the bow's stabilizer, knowing she would need her "wind indicators" and the small flag topping her target to gauge the direction and strength of the Scottish breeze. Situating herself so all she'd need to do was lean forward between shots to check each arrow's location, the redhead pulled a target arrow from her quiver and nocked it.
Remembering the scope wasn't dialed-in, and needing to factor in the light breeze, she stooped slightly, resting the bow's lower limb against her thigh as she reached across with her right hand to turn the knob that adjusted the bow-scope's height. She'd put a clean piece of tape along the height markings so it would be ready for her to make new sight markings. Satisfied she had the sight adjusted as best she could without having taken a shot, she retrieved her release aid, clipped it to the D-loop, and lifted the bow, drawing smoothly.
Right eye to the magnifying "peep" set into the bow string, she focused through it to the bow-sight and beyond to the gold rings of the target, her peripheral vision gauging the "wind indicators." The dot on the sight circled the center of the gold as she took a deep breath and let it out. At the bottom of her exhale, the dot settled into the center of the gold. With a sharp flex of her shoulder, she popped the release.
With a light thunk, the arrow impacted the bale. Shaluinn bent and looked through her scope, locating the protruding fletches on the target, to the right and below center, in the blue ring. DAMN! She fiddled with the sight knobs, adjusting for the arrow's apparent path. Drawing again, she focused on the center gold, controlling her breathing. At the bottom of her breathing cycle, she popped another shot.
Looking through the scope again, she found the arrow had gone high and left of center this time, still in the blue ring. Again adjusting the sight, she took another shot. This one was low, but centered, on the edge of the red.
Callaway paused for a moment, closing her eyes as she centered herself, trying to channel her returning ire into productive energy. The last thing she needed to do was lose it and set the school grounds afire. She concentrated on regulating her breathing, taking long, slow, even breaths. Every bit as important as weather factors, her breathing was key to getting off a clean shot.
Adjusting the vertical on the sight, she let off another arrow and was gratified to find it dead center on the X. Pulling a pencil from her quiver pocket, she marked the spot on her sight tape, before proceeding to empty her quiver of target arrows.
Just as she was preparing to release her last arrow, the wind suddenly kicked up from the left. In a split-second attempt to save the shot, she yanked hard as she popped the release, her bow-arm pulling sharply up and to the left. She overbalanced with the forced release, her left foot leaving the ground as she balanced on the right.
There was no other way to describe the shot, but ugly. VERY ugly. It had been too late to either hold or let down on the string, so she'd overcompensated on the release, trying to force the arrow back into the gold. Looking through her scope, she found the fletches right on the line between the red and gold, high and right. She hadn't yanked hard enough.
Again annoyed, she pulled out the bow-stand and set the bow in the grass, before walking down to the target to retrieve her arrows. They were embedded deeply in the round, requiring her to use a rubber arrow-puller to get them out. The woman put one booted foot against the bale to brace it as she yanked. All the projectiles removed, Shaluinn began cleaning the white residue left on the shafts by the bale, as she returned to the 70-meter mark.
Before picking her bow up again, she made sure to lube up the arrow tips, so she would have less difficulty pulling them. Arrows stowed, she lifted her bow and repeated the process of nocking, shooting and checking the arrows, now having to contend with steadily increasing light, but changeable winds.
The American found her anger and frustration abating as she immersed herself in the familiar exercise, losing awareness of everything around her, other than the weather conditions. She shot quiver-full after quiver-full of arrows at 70 meters, 60 meters, 50 meters, and finally 30 meters. At 30 meters, she had to change the target sheet to one bearing three smaller, ringed targets, more appropriate for the closer distance.
All her energy and concentration focused on her shooting, she didn't register the various spectators who stopped and watched her for a time before continuing on to their respective destinations.
Hagrid watched the redhead for a spell, wondering idly if she had ever shot a crossbow.
Professor Sprout stood with Madam Hooch for a while, exchanging comments about the American's obvious skill, and the fact that their presence had gone completely unnoticed. When it became clear that the new professor would continue her exercise for some indeterminate time, the two witches parted company; Sprout heading to her greenhouses, and Hooch mounting the broom she had brought with her, kicking off into the air.
The spiky-haired witch continued to observe the American, unanswered question after unanswered question rolling through her mind. Taking in the approach of a tall, grizzled, gangly male with lamp-like eyes, she decided to continue her perusal from a less conspicuous vantage point. She swept up and away through the beginnings of a light drizzle. From the shadow of a castle turret, the hawk-eyed woman watched the approach of Filch from the direction of the Forbidden Forest. She shuddered involuntarily as the man threw an unmistakable sneer toward the redhead before continuing on to the castle.
Hooch cast an Impervious Charm on herself as the rain steadily increased, wondering why the American didn't cease her practice and go in out of the weather, or at least cast her own Impervious. Her vantage point obscuring her view, and her attention otherwise occupied, the Flying instructor missed the tall, black-clad, hook-nosed figure that stood in the shadows, studying the redhead intently.
Shaluinn was so completely focused on her exercise she failed to register the ominous black figure scrutinizing her like a predator assessing its prey. She was getting steadily more sodden, her clothing adhering to her skin with the weight of the rain. Any masking effect her attire had held was lost, as the clinging fabric revealed the curved lines of her ribs and her jutting hips, her recent weight-loss obvious to a knowledgeable eye.
It was by sheer force of will that she had been able to continue shooting her bow like normal. Realistically, the draw-weight should have exceeded her body's ability at this point, the disease eating at her diminishing her physical ability. This one thing, she refused to give up. She'd stop shooting her bow when she was dead, not before. Obsession did not begin to cover the passion she felt for the sport and her weapon of choice.
The idea of casting an Impervious Charm did not even cross the American's mind. She had become so accustomed to doing everything like a Muggle that the concept of staying warm and dry via magic didn't enter into consideration. So it was with dripping hair, shaking limbs, soaked to the skin and chilled to the core, that she finally decided she'd had enough for the day. The wind and rain had quenched whatever fire remained of her irrational anger, and she realized she still had a lot to do in her rooms before the Headmistress arrived.
When it became clear Callaway intended to return inside, Hooch turned her broom and soared off toward the Quidditch pitch, and the errand that had originally brought her outside.
The ominous black figure remained hidden in his vantage point, watching the strange woman collect and shrink her equipment. He silently made good his escape before she began making her way toward the castle proper.
TBC...
A/N: Anyone who's seen the recent Windex commercial involving the ravens, a sliding glass door, a doorbell and the typical stupid human will recognize where I got the idea for Severus' "prank." I hope I made it at least half as funny as the commercial.
Competitive archers will paste a piece of scotch tape over the vertical sight scale on their bow. Before a competition, there is a practice day when the archers will take practice shots, making marks on this "sight tape" for each distance they will be shooting. So when the competition starts, they twist the sight dial to the appropriate mark for the distance and (weather notwithstanding) they can be reasonably sure the arrow will go where, or close to where they want it. Minor adjustments are often made each round after the first arrow of the group is shot to compensate for any wind, rain, etc that may affect the arrow's flight.
The heavier the draw-weight on a bow, the flatter the arrow's trajectory, the lesser the arc angle the archer has to compensate for. I shoot a 59/60lb compound bow (which is the maximum allowable for target archery) so my trajectory angle is relatively flat.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Lies You Tell Yourself
27 Reviews | 5.56/10 Average
Yo! No compaints here! I enjoyed your genderbending as much as I have enjoyed Lotm's too ( in my own sick demented crack head way!) (That last comment is my eldest sons loving term he calls me when I'm silly ,..... crack head. Its ok I love him right back with Fuckernut ;) ) Anywho, good chappie, serves moine right for trying to break in. Glad to see Harry is getting more and more efficient with his wand.....(well that's another story ;) right?? ) Man am I in a mood today LOL! What?? I know, I'm always this way, in the gutta!! Keep up the good work, catcha later
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Not the gutter... the SEWER! You are my newest sewer-dweller!
A second secret, well, lets see......How about she experiences all of the other person's feelings and thoughts?? That sounds kinda good to me, let me know If I'm close. As for being short, well as long as you dont make a habit of it LOL! Another good chappie and I am definatly looking foward to more, oh and one more thing. If you did decide to just abandon this one, just remember, I know were your moving too....LOL ;)) Later
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
You know I'm not giving anything away... not in my author notes anyway. And DUH you know where I'm going. I'm moving in with you! Thanks for leaving a review. I love to see people coming back for more.
i feel sorry for her now that she shows she is human and not all mighty good chapter
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you! I'm SOOO glad you've stuck with me! I'm waiting for 16 to come back from my beta and will post that. I think you'll like that one. *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Great imagery here. I can nearly visualize her body and how it looks. I wonder, however, what Snape will think, knowing he thinks she still looks like a "hottie" as she did before.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you. That is an entirely valid concern that I hope I will address sufficiently. I've already written most of the scene where he finds out what's up and it's undergone several revisions. I'll be interested to see what you think of that chapter when it goes up.As always, I appreciate your feedback and support more than you will ever know. I hope to have the next chapter submitted for validation sometime tomorrow. *crosses fingers* It's a doozy!
I laughed at the prank Severus pulled. That was hilarious! Ahahaha! I like the way the story is shaping up. I am not a bow/arrow person, so I tend to skim some of that, though my son shoots them. I just can't wait for things to get on and for them to actually get together. ;)
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I saw that windex commercial and just had to pay homage.I understand glossing over the archery stuff. It's there because it will have a bearing later in the story. They will be meeting up within the next 2 chapters. Chapter 14 is going to put an *ahem* interesting spin on how Snape looks at her, not to mention all women. *snicker* No, I'm not telling!I'm glad you're enjoying this!*hugs*
I love a snarky Madam Hooch. She's one of my fave minor characters.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Me too! I have to admit I fell in love with her character after I saw the first movie. I dig the actress they chose to play her. I can just see her and Snape trading sarcastic barbs (pre-HBP). Thank you for the review! *hugs*
Response from Southern_Witch_69 (Reviewer)
I definitely tend to agree. The movie Hooch was just perfect. I use Hooch in my stories and always have her sniping at Snape. Teehee!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Great minds think alike! *snicker*
*Bouncing up and down, clapping hands, huge grin on face, chanting* I gotta mention, I gotta mention!! That was great! Send by guys back when they are finished visiting. They were so excited to come BTW!!Love the chappie, I can't wait to see how this all works out! Its cool he's an animagus now, but it also could have been interestingly funny to see how he would handle being a girl! LOL, I'm still really sad about Dumbledor tho, but I guess JKR knows what she's doing. Anywho, thanks for the mention, the great chappie and most of all for being generous and giving me two chappies back to back ;)
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I'll bring the guys with when I head down there. Using them for moving labor at the moment. :) *hugs* thanks for reviewing! Next chapter should be up in a couple of days.
Nope! No mangling of charaters here! I loved it,of course!! You know I do!! I really like the fact that she is unwittingly channelling Snape! Set them back a few pegs Heh, Heh, Heh, Ok now woman *rubbs hands togather* Wheres chapter 12!! More More More, NOW! ok, not working that way, then how about PLEEEAAASSSEE??
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Your enthusiasm is infectious, as always. I'm working hard on the upcoming chapters, bouncing around a bit in my scattered state. 12 is pending validation and should be up, hopefully, by mid-week.Thank you again for always bolstering me with such positive feedback. *hugs and other silly drunken behavior*
This is getting vera good
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*dances with delight* You're still with me! Thank you again for catching that discrepancy a few chapters back. I hope I fixed things up adequately.Thank you for the review! *hugs*
Its getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes! Sorry...couldn't help myself! What a really good chappie! I don't care what anyone says, I like dream visitations, yea its been done before but....hell whats one more time! after all its not the type of wand you use, it how you weild it ( I think I spelled that right) Good Job and I am surely looking foward to more!!Thanks, Linwe
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*hugs* I wub woo! It's "wield" by the way.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Ohhh yeah, much more to come. I've got something truly wrong planned for a rendition of the "First-years speech." You're gonna love it!
I think the explanation for your character is a good one. Sometimes, I'll admit, she did seem like supergirl, but now that we are learning more of her past and flaws, it's so much more acceptable. Things are coming together nicely.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I hadn't realized how I would turn readers off with the character initially looking "all-powerful." Being the author I know what's up with her and what's going on "behind the scenes" so when I read it I see something different. It's an act. She is hiding a lot and trying to make herself look "all that." She knows she's not, and as more chapters go up everyone will see how flawed she is (or at least stop calling her a Mary-Sue, I hope. Gads I hate that). It's all about being a perfectionist (I know I'm one). I like my OFCs human. But part of being human is making mistakes. I think her attitude and secrets might just hurt her more than she realizes. So many secrets...Thank you for all the positive and constructive feedback! *hugs*southern_witch_69's response: Readers, self included, are just too impatient to get it all out in the open. LOL... Patience is a virtue. ;)
I've not noticed any glaring grammatical errors as per the review on here. I suppose it depends on preference, as they said. Anyway, I have to second that this OFC is thoroughly defined and obviously thought out. Most that I come across don't have so much depth and backstory. Keep up the good work.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*drowning in all the praise* You do realize this makes me want to spend all my time writing now? Thank you so much! I really have tried to make my OFC well rounded and 3-dimensional. As I think I mentioned before she is based partially on a real-life friend who is every bit as complex as the character. Thank you again! *hugs*
All I can say is ... wow... it's hot in here. Very nicely done, dear. I like dream meetings. Teeehee...
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*blushes* Thank you, thank you, thank you! High praise indeed!
I have been try to read this story and get into it but I just cant get pass your original character. She is just too perfect from her size to her abilities. I won't use the Mary Sue term but its a close call. I would have stopped reading sooner but I wanted to see if someone would finally put her in her place.When she used her skills to show up the children was the last straw for me. If someone like an american can have such skills and those types of wands, so could the Order and Aurors which would make their jobs easier. It just doesnt sit with me well. Nobody has shields that good even Dumbledore like when he fought against Voldemort. Neither did. Its a magical world not a physical worldThis character would be better suited in an original story with a woman heroine instead of here. You have a great writing ability so dont think that I dont appreciate your ability. I just like a more normal character who have faults and normal abilities like all else.Good luck with the rest but I will not be following
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*runs off to beat up her 7 beta-faries* You have several very valid points. I've done a re-write of the chapter to hopefully rectify these problems. I'm not divulging the secrets of her wands just yet as that comes out in a later chapter which also explains why no one else would really want to do what she did to disable summoning spells on her wands.The shielding issue is now a non-issue *raps beta-faires on backs of heads*. Won't come up again.Showing up the children? Gads, I didn't mean it to play off like that. I just wanted to get across the idea that she has something to contribute.As to someone having multiple incredible abilities... The character is actually based off a real-life person I know who was a martial arts world champion and is currently a compound archery world champion. So it is actually possible, as my friend does exist (and she's built like the proverbial "brick house" to boot *curses her luck*).I'm sorry I've put you off. I hope you will read the revamped chapter. If it is still not to your tastes, again I'm sorry. I've tried to address the issues you've brought to my attention and for that I am grateful.
Response from snapes_faerie (Reviewer)
I will go read it again and am glad that you are not up set about what I said I have to go to class but will catch up tonight hopefully
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I've added a LOT to upcoming chapters in response to your criticisms and hopefully the explanations allay your concerns. I think I was trying to draw out the mystery a bit too far. Chapter 8 will explain her appearance in greater depth. There's a good deal of backstory there.No, I'm not upset by what you had to say. I welcome sincere and valid criticism, which is exactly what you gave me. In response to someone else's review I asked that I be called on making the character "unbelievable." You did that. Sometimes it is too easy to let your imagination run away and you don't realize just how far you've strayed from your chosen path. I really, truly hope the character and story make more sense now. I hate losing readers because I screwed up, especially when it's fixable.I had to laugh that it was my beta fairy that got all huffy about the criticism as I whapped her for not doing her job and alerting me before I posted.Happy re-reading and thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. Too few people are brave enough to speak up.
This is a wonderfully strong original character, and I enjoyed this chapter a lot. I will be looking forward to seeing where this story goes.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you for the compliment. In Shaluinn I've tried to create a character who has a strong, indepedent, personality, yet is still feminine. It is often hard to strike a believable balance between the "Zena Warrior Princess," who is able to hold her own against strong males, and the "damsel in distress," who is always needing to be saved. The character is largely based on an extraordinary, and very real, person I know. If I end up taking her in an "unbelievable" direction, please nudge me back on the straight and narrow.
For the Krum part, I was like, "WTF is Snape doing there? Thought he was off flying?" LOLI don't blame Snape for ... investigating further. teehee
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Oh, it is SO gratifying to know that my misdirect worked!!! *hugs* Thank you! *snicker* I couldn't resist the baby-crack-plot-bunny's gender bender. I mean, really, if you were a guy transformed into a girl wouldn't you be just a bit curious???Thank you so much for stopping in and leaving a review!
Ok, sorry, forgot to rate you fic, I am so the absent minded professor!! My humble appologies.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Awwww. I wub woo!
Wow! That was so great! I had really thought it was Snape instead of Victor in the hallway, the whole time I was thinking WTF! How'd he get in there?? Good twist! Its good she now has to tell Minerva about her Leukemia. She needs for someone to know. To have some kind of support. Its a good thingI am waiting for my next up date please! Awsome job with the gender bending BTW. ;) Cant wait for more!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you for dropping by. So I actually had you fooled with the Snape/Krum thing? Excellent. I was going through GoF and saw the similarities in their appearances and just had to play a bit.Glad you liked the gender-bender. I blame Lotm entirely for giving me the courage to shine daylight on my depraved crack-smoking plot-bunnies.I'm working on the next chapter and with people like you on my butt it will be ready by mid-week.Don't mind me... I'm in a "mood."
And another chapter of suspenceful goodness! Has chapter 14 been submitted? Huh?! Huh?! I know I've read it, but I want to come here and read it. It's just that good!By the way, I do not say such things as "Bwahbwahbwah…" It's more of a "Bwahhhaahhabaaahhh..." I'm just saying... Cheers!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Do I need to beat you, my dearest beta-fairy? Of course 14 has been submitted. Waiting on validation now. Couldn't have done it without your somewhat dubious help. No, I'm kidding! You are the best and you keep me in line. This fic wouldn't have gone anywhere without you! *huggles* I wub woo!
Another amazing chappie!! Congrats to you and keep up the good work! I just loved the part with the sliding glass door! Priceless! And what is up with Hoochie??? hhmmm she's being a bit too nosy. I guess we shall see what she's up to.. Oh and thanks for the mention, Those two really have messed up the kitchen more than once, but hey, you really can't stay mad at them in all their elvie goodness......aaaahhh twins!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Hoochie? *snickering* The next chapter just got finished and sent off to the beta. Lots of things will come to light... Stay tuned! Thank you for another great review!
Love this character so far. Have you read 'The ancient future' by Traci Harding. She reminds me of the heroine in that story. Tough and feisty. Hate swearing, but in this it just seems to fit. Also love the intro dialogue...crazy!Keep up the great work, your descriptions are really vivid. Feels like I am actually there. One thing that people compromise on in fanfic is describing the scenery. Love that you have taken the time and effort to thoroughly describe her surroundings. Can't wait for the next installment - and the countdown to meeting Snape.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Sorry about the swearing, but I'm glad you found it fit. I am articulate enough I can express myself without profanity, but where I have used it in the fic, it was meant to have a purpose. That is exactly what I was going for. I'm glad you like the way I present the disclaimers. I got the idea from a friend and make the disclaimers have their own ongoing (and hopefully funny) mini-plot.I am several chapters ahead in writing so I update at least once a week. Keep your eyes peeled for the next chapter... It's gonna be... interesting...Thank you SO much for such a lovely review! *hugs*
Love it!! really good chappie!! we are finding out more and more about her. I can't wait to see how this is going to come togather more. More please, please, please.;) SB
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I love positive feedback. But you already know that. Thank you! With the next chapter this fic will earn its rating...
First off I love the password to her quarters!! I'm sure Glory got a chuckle out of that too! Poor sevvie! Just now being able to grieve, I sure hope he kicks the shit outta that bitch belitrix, I really don't like her at all!!I still havent' figured out her alement, Its probably staring me right in the face LOL just not seeing it. Anywho, on with the next great chappie!!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Serenity... I just know that's you... As always, thank you for your encouraging and appreciative feedback.*hugs*
The description of her quarters was very nice. That carpet would make me want to sleep on the floor too. Your descriptions painted a picture in my mind and allowed me to "feel" the scene as though I were there. Wonderful!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Feeling as well as vision was exactly what I was going for. Thank you for letting me know I succeeded! *hugs all around*
I?m interested so far, but I?ve found several grammatical errors as well as some awkward language in the descriptions. Maybe that?s just a personal preference, but nonetheless.
I am surprised you don?t have more reviews. OC?s in HP can be difficult to pimp since people are so fixated on the canon characters. Although, I have to say that this is one of the best OC?s I?ve seen enter into the HP universe. Even if she has some blatant HP Sue qualities (American, physically and magically superior, etc) it is easy to see through to the character you?ve created.
I look forward to reading more. This story is the first addition to my favorites list.
BTW, I?m glad I?m not your beta. I?ve never seen a writer badmouth their beta like that in response to a review. Granted, you didn?t say anything terrible, but you?re the writer. You?re responsible for the content you post. I didn?t even notice a mention of a beta, so they don?t get any credit and then they get disparaged for their work? I?d hate to see the writers I beta for treat me like that if I made a mistake.
Anyway, nice story. I found it poignant that both Snape and Shaluinn should break down, together but separate. I look forward to seeing where these characters go, and what?s going to happen when they finally meet.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Grammatical errors? Hmmm. Would you mind at all sending me a PM pointing them out? I think my writing style may be to blame for that problem.I'm glad you like Shaluinn. I'm trying to stay away from HP Sue characteristics as much as I can but I do subscribe to the theory of "write what you know." Being an American myself I made the OC American as I don't feel qualified to create a British character believably. I simply don't know enough. As to being physically superior, I'm guessing you're referring to her taking down Hermione and Ron? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not trying to portray her as superior, rather she was able to gain the upper hand, having training and skills the others don't. If she's not very careful she's gonna get her ass handed to her rather easily. As it's coming out in later chapters, you'll hopefully see that a lot of what she's doing is acting.Magically surperior? She's not, or at least I didn't write her to be. I know somewhere I had her actually say she's not qualified to teach them (Golden Trio) anything magically related. She's good in certain areas and can do things some people can't just because she approaches things from a different angle and has had different/unique training. She only beat the Golden Trio in that short-lived duel because she got DAMN LUCKY. That's how I intended it anyway. She's really just a pawn in the game, and doesn't actually understand the role she's meant to play.As to my betas, what I wrote was actually one of their ideas. When I sent off a copy of the review she wrote back, "You gonna beat us with a hard-cover book now since you got hit with a book-spine last week?" She was kidding, and knew I was joking around. I didn't intend for it to come off as badmouthing my betas, especially since they didn't take it that way at all. Whole thing has actually become a massive running joke with them putting all kinds of outrageous suggestions into our correspondence. But seriously, I'm sorry if I offended you. That particular review led to a nice conference where we all discussed and elaborated on our expectations for each other (I beta stuff for them as well as they beta me). I realize I am responsible for what I write. I guess the lot of us just have a really twisted sense of humor. (Maybe that's why we all get along... hmmmm...) And the primary beta actually appears in the disclaimers per her preference *coughKimcough* the rest aren't actually betas, just dear friends who like to have a first look at everything I write, and in return throw their honest opinions my way. They like to stay under the radar just in case I manage to stick my foot in my mouth all the way to my kneecaps (which it seems I have managed). They've never gotten huffy about my criticism, they actually got pissy about what another reviewer wrote. The comment being, "You're taking this a lot better than we would."I'm really glad you liked the parallels I'm drawing between Snape and Shaluinn. It's partly coincidence and partly, maybe, something else.Thank you for the feedback. I hope I have cleared up any confusion I inadvertantly caused.