Hey, Mr. Sandman
Chapter 9 of 18
ShanastayShaluinn explores her new quarters and we peek in on Severus to see how he?s holding up.
Disclaimer: (In the spirit of Crimson Starlight)
Shana: *fuming, arms crossed over chest*
Snape: Why are you not typing?
Shana: Time for that chat.
Snape: *innocently* Oh?
Shana: Oh, yeah.
Snape: *eyebrow, waiting*
Shana: You know that was mean, not to mention exceedingly juvenile.
Snape: To what are you referring, madam?
Shana: *incredulous look* Duh? The bra snapping?
Snape: Oh, that.
Shana: Well?
Snape: Well, what?
Shana: *throws up hands* You do realize that was a stunt worthy of Ron Weasley?
Snape: *narrows eyes*
Shana: Sexy looks are not getting you out of this. *crosses arms over chest again*
Kim: Insert standard disclaimer here.
Snape: *annoyed* Well, there went that idea.
Shana: You're still on the hook.
Chapter 9: Hey, Mr. Sandman
Shaluinn lost track of time as she stared out the window, while the world turned dark beyond the glass. She repressed a shiver as a chill ran through her, the cold seeping through her clothes from the pane. She turned her gaze back to her darkened rooms, absentmindedly wiping the wet trails off her face.
She finally noticed the hearth on the opposite wall, only because someone had lit a fire there. In the flickering light, she saw a small table set with various snacks and several bottles and a chair set beside it, all next to the fireplace. Dobby, bless your heart.
Bending down, she made a swirling gesture with her index finger over the Discman, setting it to random play. She stood back up and didn't move for several beats, trying to remember the light spell. It came back to her, and she lifted both hands, waving them as she called out, "Incendio!" Several sconces holding candles on each wall burst to life, driving back the encroaching darkness.
The redhead finally, really took a look at her rooms for the first time. The main entrance was opposite the bank of windows. The hearth was to the right of the entrance from where she stood, its mate in the office obviously right on the other side of the wall. The room itself was rather large and rectangular, the windows and entrance forming the short sides. The ceiling was vaulted, going up at least ten meters.
The woman noticed doors opposite each other, about two meters in from the windows. Wonder where those go? Making a snap decision to do reconnaissance first, eat second, she executed a "right-face" and walked to that door.
Opening the portal, she murmured "Incendio!" again, lighting the sconces in this room. Unlike the main room, this one was furnished and obviously meant to be the bedroom. Directly opposite her was yet another door that, she assumed, led to a bathroom.
Standing in the doorway, taking in the positively opulent room, Shaluinn was awed. To the left of the bathroom door was another, smaller hearth with an already banked fire going, the room warm, but not overpoweringly so. To her right were more floor-to-ceiling windows, these covered by heavy, velvet curtains to keep both light and cold out. To her left, along the wall next to her was a massive wardrobe and two long, matching dressers made of a rich mahogany.
But the most stand-out feature was the positively huge four-poster canopy bed that dominated the room. It was centered with the head along the wall opposite the curtained windows. Heavy velvet drapes were tied back from the sides and foot of the bed. The entire décor of the room was in shades of deep, dark blue and black, accented with silver.
Albus, you presumptuous bastard, this smacks of your meddling. What the hell do I need such sumptuous furnishings for? And of what use can I make of a bed that big? I can probably lay totally spread-eagle on it and not come near the edges. This is too much!
The American stepped forward to go toward the bathroom, for the first time registering the way her boots were sinking into the carpet. Good lord! What next? This also reminded her of something she should have remembered before. Turning around, she returned to the bedroom entrance.
Balancing on first one foot and then the other, she pulled up her pant legs, pulling down the zippers set against the insides of her calves on her knee-high boots. She left the matching set of 13-inch blade ebony-handled long knives where they were, inside sheaths strapped to the outsides of her calves. Her boots she set next to the doorway. This was her home now, and she would not forget again.
Padding back into the bedroom in her thick socks, she could feel the thick, soft carpet sinking with her every step. The feeling was both delightful and unnerving. She had never lived in such luxurious surroundings. Her own house back in the Pacific Northwest had been furnished modestly, items chosen for high functionality, not necessarily looks. Everything had been quality, well-made and durable, but very simple.
The only area where that had not held true had been her study. She had spared no expense with the tall, rich with scrollwork, dark cherry bookcases. She took a deep pride in her library and its display. The same held true of her sword "collection." Every sword and dagger had its place, whether in the locked glass wall case or set on table-top racks. The running joke among family and friends had been that her study was a cross between a library and an armory. It was an apt description.
Walking quickly through the bedroom that was becoming increasingly unnerving, she entered the room beyond, correct in her assumption that it was a bathroom. She was once again thunderstruck as she took the sight in. There was the usual toilet and sink, with more than enough counter space.
But what had caught her attention was the large, glass-encased shower with two steps leading up to it. The door was closed and she had a sneaking suspicion she knew what lay behind it. Goddess, Albus has set me up like I'm royalty or something. I can't believe that every professor's suite looks like this. Needing to satisfy her curiosity, Shaluinn stepped up to the shower and pulled the door open, her mouth dropping open in shock.
She'd been close with her guess. It was a shower/bath combination. It was a dual-head shower, and the bathtub itself was sunken and large enough to easily hold three people! Looking closer, she noticed holes at regular intervals along the sides and bottom. Oh. My. God. It's a whirlpool tub! Oh, gods! This alone is too much!
Shaluinn stopped herself. I am so NOT changing this. Considering how sore and in pain I'm gonna be from teaching unarmed combat again, this baby's gonna get a LOT of use. I have always wanted one of these! Albus, for this alone, I could kiss you. She wrinkled her nose at that thought. OK, I take that back. Suffice to say, I'm more than a little appreciative of the amount of effort and thought put into these rooms.
Mother Nature chose that moment to remind the American that it had been more than a few hours since she'd last used the facilities. Taking care of necessary business, she gave the bathtub another longing look and left, heading through the bedroom and across the main parlor to the other door that still bore investigating.
Casting "Incendio!" again she found a moderate-sized room, cabinets and visibly stocked shelves lining three of the walls, the fourth holding the expected floor-to-ceiling windows. The center was dominated by several large work benches with cauldrons stacked beneath and piles of boxes scattered haphazardly everywhere. Stepping inside, she realized the floor was made of unmarked, bare stone.
Shaluinn was confused. Glancing into the boxes, she found a mishmash of texts, jars, and odds and ends. Brows furrowed, she made a circuit of the room, returning back to the entrance. It was obvious that this room was meant to be a very well-stocked Potions lab.
The room clearly had not been completed. Oooookay. I wonder what Albus was thinking when he set up this room. Then it hit her, why the room wasn't done. He didn't get to finish before he died. That sobering thought in mind, with a flick of her hand and a call of "Exstinguio!" she put out the lights, closing the door.
Back in the main room, she once again caught sight of the food Dobby had set out for her. She stepped around her bags, still lying where she'd dropped them, and made her way to the fireplace. She looked down at the food assortment on the table, selecting a thick slice of herb-crusted salami, a slice of cheddar cheese, and putting them together, took a big bite. As she chewed, she considered the chair and decided to try her hand at a bit of Transfiguring.
Switching her food to her left hand, she licked her fingers before flexing her wrist to retrieve her wand. She thought for several moments about what she wanted, trying various wand movements before she was reasonably sure she had it right. The American finished off her morsel and turned her full attention to the chair.
Concentrating carefully, she made her first really serious attempt at Transfiguration in two decades. The simple, straight-backed wooden chair vanished, only to be replaced by a pile of "Firewood?" The redhead stomped her foot and cursed. "That is NOT what I was going for!"
She caught up one of the bottles from the table and, pulling the cork out with her teeth, spit it into the fireplace. She then took a long swallow, delighted it was some kind of mango-flavored beverage. Gods, what I wouldn't give for a diet pop right now. Me and my stupid cravings.
OK, let's try this again. At least I don't have to worry about setting up my sleeping quarters, so if I can't get this right, not that big a deal. Concentrating again, Shaluinn waved her wand, trying a different series of movements. The pile of firewood morphed into a large, gaudily-upholstered, wing-backed chair. Closer, but still not quite.
Heartened by having made some progress in the right direction, Shaluinn decided to try one final time. This time, the chair morphed into a micro-suede-upholstered rocking recliner. "YES!" The American clenched her fists and lifted them in the air over her head. Now if I can just remember how I did that.
Turning, she dropped down into the cushy chair. Drawing her feet up to her side, she ignored the mild discomfort caused by the knife sheaths pressing against her shins. Surveying the room and mentally debating what she would put where, she ate and drank her fill from the spread Dobby had left her. Satisfied, the redhead leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes as it rocked gently.
In less than a minute, her overtaxed mind and body made the decision for her, and she dropped into a sound sleep. Her face relaxed, and the soft candlelight took years off her damaged countenance, her posture adding to the appearance that she was in her teens. Unlike others, the hard years didn't show specifically on her face. The last six months had left their mark though. Instead, the American bore scars and pain that were not nearly as visible or as tangible.
Dobby returned a short while later to check on the food he'd left. Finding Miss Callaway asleep, the house-elf conjured a light blanket and placed it over the woman. Seeing that less than half of what he'd brought had been eaten, he decided to leave it, placing a preservative charm on the tray along with a sapphire blue phial. Dobby then went from room to room, extinguishing the lights and setting more wood on the fires before whispering, "Good-night, Miss Callaway," and leaving.
-----------------------------------------
Severus woke several hours later to his muscles protesting the crick in his neck. Wincing, he rubbed his neck as he stood and exited his study into the parlor. Comfortable in the familiar surroundings, he didn't need a light to find his way to the bookcase and release the latch. The panel swung forward, and he stepped through, closing it behind him before mounting the stairs to the bathroom and his bedroom.
He made swift use of the facilities to the right of the landing, erasing all evidence of his "breakdown," and then crossed over to the simple bedroom. It contained very little: a small dresser, a closet, and a straight-backed wooden chair set next to a full-size bed. It would have been a single, but those were too small for his tall frame. By sleeping at an angle on the bed, he just fit.
Ever meticulous, the Potions master neatly folded his clothes and placed them on the chair as he disrobed. He stripped down to his boxer shorts and, after a second's thought, doffed those as well. Contrary to popular belief, they were not silk, but rather an ultra-soft sueded cotton. Severus hated wearing silk boxers. The damn things had a way of creeping up your ass and getting wedged there. Cotton was a much more comfortable, as well as forgiving fabric.
Finally having the opportunity to sleep in a "safe" location, he wasted no time taking advantage of it, climbing under the covers and stretching out on his stomach. Once settled, it was less than a minute before soft snores began emanating from the prone man.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Several hours later, Shaluinn woke with a start, nearly overturning her chair as she untangled herself from the blanket someone had placed over her. The room was silent, other than the crackling emanating from the hearth, the CD player having whirred to a stop after playing all the songs on the disc. Blinking several times to get used to the firelight, she realized Dobby must have come back at some point, covering her and putting out the lights.
The woman took several deep, calming breaths, willing her heart rate down. That accomplished, she unfolded her legs and stood, gritting her teeth against the pain that shot up from her shins through her hips. Now her shoulders and back ached too. Catching sight of the familiar phial, she immediately downed the Pain Relief potion, again silently blessing a certain attentive house-elf. She took several more breaths while the pain subsided to a manageable level. She padded to the bedroom, only to trip and stumble over one of her bags.
Muttering curses, she made her way to the bathroom, making use of the facilities before stopping in front of the shower, debating if she had enough energy left to hop in before retiring for the night. Remembering just how "yucky" she'd feel come morning without a shower, she peeled her leather pants off, tossing them into an untidy pile in the corner. She next removed the knives strapped to her calves, laying them on the counter.
Her socks joined her pants in the pile while she reached between her legs to unsnap the bottom of her bodysuit. That was quickly pulled off, and along with her molded-cup bra and low-rise cotton panties, joined the growing pile. With the removal of her bra, she could feel the weight of her heavy breasts pulling on the muscles of her shoulders and back. She refused to slump her posture in response to the discomfort. Catching sight of her reflection and resolutely ignoring the expanses of bruised skin revealed, she stood still. She was mildly surprised that Albus had put Muggle mirrors in her bathroom, the image only changing when she moved.
She was just about to reach in to turn the knobs for the shower when she realized something. Dobby must have left the candles burning in here, because I did not relight them when I came in. Or are they automatic? That's an interesting thought.
Deciding to test her theory, she backed out of the room, leaving the door open. She was three steps away before the illumination winked out. Very interesting indeed. Stepping forward again, the candles burst to life as she broke the plane of the doorway. That is a damn handy trick. I need to learn that.
Satisfied with the results of her little "test," Shaluinn leaned into the shower, turning the handle for the hot water. Putting her hand under the faucet, she pulled it back fast, hissing. She'd forgotten the perks of magic, not having to wait for hot water to travel from a heater being one. Turning the other knob with one hand and sticking one finger into the stream, she adjusted the temperature to her liking.
Climbing into the tub, she closed the stall door and yanked on the knob atop the faucet, switching on the showerheads. Her hands immediately flew to the wall, bracing her body as pulsing spray hit her from two directions, the sensation intense and not entirely expected. The redhead let her head droop, her hair hanging in wet curtains around her face as the water poured over her form. Gods, who knew two showerheads could feel this good? OK, duh. That was obvious.
The American tilted her head back, the spray pushing her red locks off her face. She opened her eyes to look at her arms, watching the rivulets of water running off her, distorting the designs etched under the skin of the insides of her forearms. Still braced against the shower wall, she rotated her arms so the undersides were fully visible.
The cascading liquid made the winding green, red and blue tribal tattoos appear to writhe on her arms. Removing her right hand from the wall, she traced the central, thick, black coiling line as it rose from her wrist to the inside of her left elbow. Letting her head drop again, she let her right arm hang down, droplets gathering and dripping from her lashes as she twisted her arm back and forth, playing with the rushing water.
As suddenly as she started, she stilled, watching her right forearm carefully as she flexed her wrist and observed the black line instantly detach from her skin, her hand catching her wand as it dropped. She repeated the move, noticing how the wand seamlessly reintegrated with the rest of the tattoo. Risky as she knew it was, the choice to undergo the still-experimental procedure had been a "no-brainer" for the American. She fully didn't expect to outlive the current conflict, which had made the decision moot in her mind.
Switching bracing arms, she repeated her actions with her left arm, her expression every bit as impassive as before. Having had enough of the little exercise, the redhead pushed away from the wall, standing free beneath the pounding dual sprays. She cast her gaze down to a small recessed ledge in the wall, spotting what she was looking for.
Reaching down, she caught the first bottle, upending it to pour a generous amount into her opposite hand and taking a deep breath. Mmmm... Vanilla. She returned the bottle and stepped slightly out of the spray, using her free hand to pull her hair up, now using both hands to massage the shampoo into the length. She stepped back under, rinsing the lather from her locks.
Retrieving a second bottle she grimaced, realizing she didn't have her usual metal clip to hold her hair on her head while the conditioner set. Swiftly applying the crème, she twisted and looped her red locks onto the top of her head. Holding the sodden mass with one hand, she managed to maneuver around the sprays to find the final bottle.
Pouring a small amount onto the sponge next to it, she lifted it and attempted to wash one-handed. With every movement, she could feel the twinge of muscles and old injuries that had never, truly, healed, her body mottled with bruises that never seemed to go away. But they were familiar pains that she had learned to ignore for the most part and live with. She finally had to switch hands to get everything before releasing her hair, soaping up her face, and finishing rinsing.
She bent to turn off the taps and caught herself on the lip of the tub, white-heat again flaring through her right hip and into her thigh before subsiding. Teeth gritted, she panted for several beats, lifting herself and completing the task she'd started. Standing, she squeezed the excess water from the length of her hair and climbed out of the stall, reaching to her left to retrieve a medium towel from the rack on the wall. Drying her locks, she wrapped them up and twisted the mass onto her head, then reached for a large towel to dry her body off.
Pulling open various drawers beneath the counters, she came up with what she needed: a hair-tie and a comb. Padding out into the bedroom, she made her way over to the bed, sitting on the bench she had noticed by the foot. Releasing her hair from the towel, she carefully separated it into sections, combing out the tangles. That accomplished, she swiftly twined it into a loose plait, tying it off so it wouldn't become snarled while she slept.
Tossing the long braid over her shoulder, she walked around the side of the bed and sat on the edge, sinking deeply into the mattress. Her suspicion had been correct. The damn thing was so big it easily dwarfed her. Exhaustion looming to claim her, the redhead thought hazily, I can't sleep on this thing. I... just can't. I know I won't be able to. Something else also struck the woman. I don't have anything to sleep in. I am so NOT hunting for anything in my bags at this point. Fuck it!
Standing, her feet sinking into the thick carpet pile, the American came to a fast decision. Striding over to the bathroom, she doffed the towel she wore, adding it and its mate to the growing pile in the corner. She retrieved her sheathed knives, returning to the bedroom. Passing by the hearth, she set the weapons on the floor, continuing on to the bed.
Grabbing two pillows, she threw them over by the hearth. Using both hands, she grabbed hold of the thick comforter on the bed, and putting her weight behind it, pulled. After several jerks, she managed to dislodge the coverlet, dragging it over in front of the fireplace. Folding the comforter in half, Shaluinn swiftly made up a makeshift kind of sleeping bag. She placed one knife under her pillow, the other on the edge of the hearth's stone drape within easy reach.
Enfolding her nude form in the voluminous folds, she laid on her left side, left leg straight, right bent up at an angle so her foot rested against the other knee. Her arms were wrapped around the second pillow, embracing it. She stared hazily into the fire as sleep rose up to claim her again, strangely comfortable on the thickly carpeted floor.
TBC...
A/N: A HUGE thank you to everyone who has kept reading and to those who have reviewed. The feedback has been both encouraging and productive.
In Japan, shoes are not work indoors in homes. They are removed at the entrance and soft slippers or stocking feet are acceptable inside.
Spell origins:
Exstinguio This is the "put out the lights spell." "Exstinguo" is Latin for "to extinguish." (Nox goes with Lumos in only applying to wand tips, so it is inapplicable.)
Thanks go to my impromptu beta Kim for double-checking me and making sure I stick to canon as well as making spell suggestions. Thanks to NotSoSaintly for correcting both of us on a mistake about lamp-lighting spells and being one of my favorite comma-fairies.
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for The Lies You Tell Yourself
27 Reviews | 5.56/10 Average
Yo! No compaints here! I enjoyed your genderbending as much as I have enjoyed Lotm's too ( in my own sick demented crack head way!) (That last comment is my eldest sons loving term he calls me when I'm silly ,..... crack head. Its ok I love him right back with Fuckernut ;) ) Anywho, good chappie, serves moine right for trying to break in. Glad to see Harry is getting more and more efficient with his wand.....(well that's another story ;) right?? ) Man am I in a mood today LOL! What?? I know, I'm always this way, in the gutta!! Keep up the good work, catcha later
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Not the gutter... the SEWER! You are my newest sewer-dweller!
A second secret, well, lets see......How about she experiences all of the other person's feelings and thoughts?? That sounds kinda good to me, let me know If I'm close. As for being short, well as long as you dont make a habit of it LOL! Another good chappie and I am definatly looking foward to more, oh and one more thing. If you did decide to just abandon this one, just remember, I know were your moving too....LOL ;)) Later
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
You know I'm not giving anything away... not in my author notes anyway. And DUH you know where I'm going. I'm moving in with you! Thanks for leaving a review. I love to see people coming back for more.
i feel sorry for her now that she shows she is human and not all mighty good chapter
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you! I'm SOOO glad you've stuck with me! I'm waiting for 16 to come back from my beta and will post that. I think you'll like that one. *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Great imagery here. I can nearly visualize her body and how it looks. I wonder, however, what Snape will think, knowing he thinks she still looks like a "hottie" as she did before.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you. That is an entirely valid concern that I hope I will address sufficiently. I've already written most of the scene where he finds out what's up and it's undergone several revisions. I'll be interested to see what you think of that chapter when it goes up.As always, I appreciate your feedback and support more than you will ever know. I hope to have the next chapter submitted for validation sometime tomorrow. *crosses fingers* It's a doozy!
I laughed at the prank Severus pulled. That was hilarious! Ahahaha! I like the way the story is shaping up. I am not a bow/arrow person, so I tend to skim some of that, though my son shoots them. I just can't wait for things to get on and for them to actually get together. ;)
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I saw that windex commercial and just had to pay homage.I understand glossing over the archery stuff. It's there because it will have a bearing later in the story. They will be meeting up within the next 2 chapters. Chapter 14 is going to put an *ahem* interesting spin on how Snape looks at her, not to mention all women. *snicker* No, I'm not telling!I'm glad you're enjoying this!*hugs*
I love a snarky Madam Hooch. She's one of my fave minor characters.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Me too! I have to admit I fell in love with her character after I saw the first movie. I dig the actress they chose to play her. I can just see her and Snape trading sarcastic barbs (pre-HBP). Thank you for the review! *hugs*
Response from Southern_Witch_69 (Reviewer)
I definitely tend to agree. The movie Hooch was just perfect. I use Hooch in my stories and always have her sniping at Snape. Teehee!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Great minds think alike! *snicker*
*Bouncing up and down, clapping hands, huge grin on face, chanting* I gotta mention, I gotta mention!! That was great! Send by guys back when they are finished visiting. They were so excited to come BTW!!Love the chappie, I can't wait to see how this all works out! Its cool he's an animagus now, but it also could have been interestingly funny to see how he would handle being a girl! LOL, I'm still really sad about Dumbledor tho, but I guess JKR knows what she's doing. Anywho, thanks for the mention, the great chappie and most of all for being generous and giving me two chappies back to back ;)
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I'll bring the guys with when I head down there. Using them for moving labor at the moment. :) *hugs* thanks for reviewing! Next chapter should be up in a couple of days.
Nope! No mangling of charaters here! I loved it,of course!! You know I do!! I really like the fact that she is unwittingly channelling Snape! Set them back a few pegs Heh, Heh, Heh, Ok now woman *rubbs hands togather* Wheres chapter 12!! More More More, NOW! ok, not working that way, then how about PLEEEAAASSSEE??
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Your enthusiasm is infectious, as always. I'm working hard on the upcoming chapters, bouncing around a bit in my scattered state. 12 is pending validation and should be up, hopefully, by mid-week.Thank you again for always bolstering me with such positive feedback. *hugs and other silly drunken behavior*
This is getting vera good
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*dances with delight* You're still with me! Thank you again for catching that discrepancy a few chapters back. I hope I fixed things up adequately.Thank you for the review! *hugs*
Its getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes! Sorry...couldn't help myself! What a really good chappie! I don't care what anyone says, I like dream visitations, yea its been done before but....hell whats one more time! after all its not the type of wand you use, it how you weild it ( I think I spelled that right) Good Job and I am surely looking foward to more!!Thanks, Linwe
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*hugs* I wub woo! It's "wield" by the way.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Ohhh yeah, much more to come. I've got something truly wrong planned for a rendition of the "First-years speech." You're gonna love it!
I think the explanation for your character is a good one. Sometimes, I'll admit, she did seem like supergirl, but now that we are learning more of her past and flaws, it's so much more acceptable. Things are coming together nicely.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I hadn't realized how I would turn readers off with the character initially looking "all-powerful." Being the author I know what's up with her and what's going on "behind the scenes" so when I read it I see something different. It's an act. She is hiding a lot and trying to make herself look "all that." She knows she's not, and as more chapters go up everyone will see how flawed she is (or at least stop calling her a Mary-Sue, I hope. Gads I hate that). It's all about being a perfectionist (I know I'm one). I like my OFCs human. But part of being human is making mistakes. I think her attitude and secrets might just hurt her more than she realizes. So many secrets...Thank you for all the positive and constructive feedback! *hugs*southern_witch_69's response: Readers, self included, are just too impatient to get it all out in the open. LOL... Patience is a virtue. ;)
I've not noticed any glaring grammatical errors as per the review on here. I suppose it depends on preference, as they said. Anyway, I have to second that this OFC is thoroughly defined and obviously thought out. Most that I come across don't have so much depth and backstory. Keep up the good work.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*drowning in all the praise* You do realize this makes me want to spend all my time writing now? Thank you so much! I really have tried to make my OFC well rounded and 3-dimensional. As I think I mentioned before she is based partially on a real-life friend who is every bit as complex as the character. Thank you again! *hugs*
All I can say is ... wow... it's hot in here. Very nicely done, dear. I like dream meetings. Teeehee...
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*blushes* Thank you, thank you, thank you! High praise indeed!
I have been try to read this story and get into it but I just cant get pass your original character. She is just too perfect from her size to her abilities. I won't use the Mary Sue term but its a close call. I would have stopped reading sooner but I wanted to see if someone would finally put her in her place.When she used her skills to show up the children was the last straw for me. If someone like an american can have such skills and those types of wands, so could the Order and Aurors which would make their jobs easier. It just doesnt sit with me well. Nobody has shields that good even Dumbledore like when he fought against Voldemort. Neither did. Its a magical world not a physical worldThis character would be better suited in an original story with a woman heroine instead of here. You have a great writing ability so dont think that I dont appreciate your ability. I just like a more normal character who have faults and normal abilities like all else.Good luck with the rest but I will not be following
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*runs off to beat up her 7 beta-faries* You have several very valid points. I've done a re-write of the chapter to hopefully rectify these problems. I'm not divulging the secrets of her wands just yet as that comes out in a later chapter which also explains why no one else would really want to do what she did to disable summoning spells on her wands.The shielding issue is now a non-issue *raps beta-faires on backs of heads*. Won't come up again.Showing up the children? Gads, I didn't mean it to play off like that. I just wanted to get across the idea that she has something to contribute.As to someone having multiple incredible abilities... The character is actually based off a real-life person I know who was a martial arts world champion and is currently a compound archery world champion. So it is actually possible, as my friend does exist (and she's built like the proverbial "brick house" to boot *curses her luck*).I'm sorry I've put you off. I hope you will read the revamped chapter. If it is still not to your tastes, again I'm sorry. I've tried to address the issues you've brought to my attention and for that I am grateful.
Response from snapes_faerie (Reviewer)
I will go read it again and am glad that you are not up set about what I said I have to go to class but will catch up tonight hopefully
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I've added a LOT to upcoming chapters in response to your criticisms and hopefully the explanations allay your concerns. I think I was trying to draw out the mystery a bit too far. Chapter 8 will explain her appearance in greater depth. There's a good deal of backstory there.No, I'm not upset by what you had to say. I welcome sincere and valid criticism, which is exactly what you gave me. In response to someone else's review I asked that I be called on making the character "unbelievable." You did that. Sometimes it is too easy to let your imagination run away and you don't realize just how far you've strayed from your chosen path. I really, truly hope the character and story make more sense now. I hate losing readers because I screwed up, especially when it's fixable.I had to laugh that it was my beta fairy that got all huffy about the criticism as I whapped her for not doing her job and alerting me before I posted.Happy re-reading and thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. Too few people are brave enough to speak up.
This is a wonderfully strong original character, and I enjoyed this chapter a lot. I will be looking forward to seeing where this story goes.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you for the compliment. In Shaluinn I've tried to create a character who has a strong, indepedent, personality, yet is still feminine. It is often hard to strike a believable balance between the "Zena Warrior Princess," who is able to hold her own against strong males, and the "damsel in distress," who is always needing to be saved. The character is largely based on an extraordinary, and very real, person I know. If I end up taking her in an "unbelievable" direction, please nudge me back on the straight and narrow.
For the Krum part, I was like, "WTF is Snape doing there? Thought he was off flying?" LOLI don't blame Snape for ... investigating further. teehee
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Oh, it is SO gratifying to know that my misdirect worked!!! *hugs* Thank you! *snicker* I couldn't resist the baby-crack-plot-bunny's gender bender. I mean, really, if you were a guy transformed into a girl wouldn't you be just a bit curious???Thank you so much for stopping in and leaving a review!
Ok, sorry, forgot to rate you fic, I am so the absent minded professor!! My humble appologies.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Awwww. I wub woo!
Wow! That was so great! I had really thought it was Snape instead of Victor in the hallway, the whole time I was thinking WTF! How'd he get in there?? Good twist! Its good she now has to tell Minerva about her Leukemia. She needs for someone to know. To have some kind of support. Its a good thingI am waiting for my next up date please! Awsome job with the gender bending BTW. ;) Cant wait for more!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you for dropping by. So I actually had you fooled with the Snape/Krum thing? Excellent. I was going through GoF and saw the similarities in their appearances and just had to play a bit.Glad you liked the gender-bender. I blame Lotm entirely for giving me the courage to shine daylight on my depraved crack-smoking plot-bunnies.I'm working on the next chapter and with people like you on my butt it will be ready by mid-week.Don't mind me... I'm in a "mood."
And another chapter of suspenceful goodness! Has chapter 14 been submitted? Huh?! Huh?! I know I've read it, but I want to come here and read it. It's just that good!By the way, I do not say such things as "Bwahbwahbwah…" It's more of a "Bwahhhaahhabaaahhh..." I'm just saying... Cheers!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Do I need to beat you, my dearest beta-fairy? Of course 14 has been submitted. Waiting on validation now. Couldn't have done it without your somewhat dubious help. No, I'm kidding! You are the best and you keep me in line. This fic wouldn't have gone anywhere without you! *huggles* I wub woo!
Another amazing chappie!! Congrats to you and keep up the good work! I just loved the part with the sliding glass door! Priceless! And what is up with Hoochie??? hhmmm she's being a bit too nosy. I guess we shall see what she's up to.. Oh and thanks for the mention, Those two really have messed up the kitchen more than once, but hey, you really can't stay mad at them in all their elvie goodness......aaaahhh twins!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Hoochie? *snickering* The next chapter just got finished and sent off to the beta. Lots of things will come to light... Stay tuned! Thank you for another great review!
Love this character so far. Have you read 'The ancient future' by Traci Harding. She reminds me of the heroine in that story. Tough and feisty. Hate swearing, but in this it just seems to fit. Also love the intro dialogue...crazy!Keep up the great work, your descriptions are really vivid. Feels like I am actually there. One thing that people compromise on in fanfic is describing the scenery. Love that you have taken the time and effort to thoroughly describe her surroundings. Can't wait for the next installment - and the countdown to meeting Snape.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Sorry about the swearing, but I'm glad you found it fit. I am articulate enough I can express myself without profanity, but where I have used it in the fic, it was meant to have a purpose. That is exactly what I was going for. I'm glad you like the way I present the disclaimers. I got the idea from a friend and make the disclaimers have their own ongoing (and hopefully funny) mini-plot.I am several chapters ahead in writing so I update at least once a week. Keep your eyes peeled for the next chapter... It's gonna be... interesting...Thank you SO much for such a lovely review! *hugs*
Love it!! really good chappie!! we are finding out more and more about her. I can't wait to see how this is going to come togather more. More please, please, please.;) SB
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I love positive feedback. But you already know that. Thank you! With the next chapter this fic will earn its rating...
First off I love the password to her quarters!! I'm sure Glory got a chuckle out of that too! Poor sevvie! Just now being able to grieve, I sure hope he kicks the shit outta that bitch belitrix, I really don't like her at all!!I still havent' figured out her alement, Its probably staring me right in the face LOL just not seeing it. Anywho, on with the next great chappie!!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Serenity... I just know that's you... As always, thank you for your encouraging and appreciative feedback.*hugs*
The description of her quarters was very nice. That carpet would make me want to sleep on the floor too. Your descriptions painted a picture in my mind and allowed me to "feel" the scene as though I were there. Wonderful!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Feeling as well as vision was exactly what I was going for. Thank you for letting me know I succeeded! *hugs all around*
I?m interested so far, but I?ve found several grammatical errors as well as some awkward language in the descriptions. Maybe that?s just a personal preference, but nonetheless.
I am surprised you don?t have more reviews. OC?s in HP can be difficult to pimp since people are so fixated on the canon characters. Although, I have to say that this is one of the best OC?s I?ve seen enter into the HP universe. Even if she has some blatant HP Sue qualities (American, physically and magically superior, etc) it is easy to see through to the character you?ve created.
I look forward to reading more. This story is the first addition to my favorites list.
BTW, I?m glad I?m not your beta. I?ve never seen a writer badmouth their beta like that in response to a review. Granted, you didn?t say anything terrible, but you?re the writer. You?re responsible for the content you post. I didn?t even notice a mention of a beta, so they don?t get any credit and then they get disparaged for their work? I?d hate to see the writers I beta for treat me like that if I made a mistake.
Anyway, nice story. I found it poignant that both Snape and Shaluinn should break down, together but separate. I look forward to seeing where these characters go, and what?s going to happen when they finally meet.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Grammatical errors? Hmmm. Would you mind at all sending me a PM pointing them out? I think my writing style may be to blame for that problem.I'm glad you like Shaluinn. I'm trying to stay away from HP Sue characteristics as much as I can but I do subscribe to the theory of "write what you know." Being an American myself I made the OC American as I don't feel qualified to create a British character believably. I simply don't know enough. As to being physically superior, I'm guessing you're referring to her taking down Hermione and Ron? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not trying to portray her as superior, rather she was able to gain the upper hand, having training and skills the others don't. If she's not very careful she's gonna get her ass handed to her rather easily. As it's coming out in later chapters, you'll hopefully see that a lot of what she's doing is acting.Magically surperior? She's not, or at least I didn't write her to be. I know somewhere I had her actually say she's not qualified to teach them (Golden Trio) anything magically related. She's good in certain areas and can do things some people can't just because she approaches things from a different angle and has had different/unique training. She only beat the Golden Trio in that short-lived duel because she got DAMN LUCKY. That's how I intended it anyway. She's really just a pawn in the game, and doesn't actually understand the role she's meant to play.As to my betas, what I wrote was actually one of their ideas. When I sent off a copy of the review she wrote back, "You gonna beat us with a hard-cover book now since you got hit with a book-spine last week?" She was kidding, and knew I was joking around. I didn't intend for it to come off as badmouthing my betas, especially since they didn't take it that way at all. Whole thing has actually become a massive running joke with them putting all kinds of outrageous suggestions into our correspondence. But seriously, I'm sorry if I offended you. That particular review led to a nice conference where we all discussed and elaborated on our expectations for each other (I beta stuff for them as well as they beta me). I realize I am responsible for what I write. I guess the lot of us just have a really twisted sense of humor. (Maybe that's why we all get along... hmmmm...) And the primary beta actually appears in the disclaimers per her preference *coughKimcough* the rest aren't actually betas, just dear friends who like to have a first look at everything I write, and in return throw their honest opinions my way. They like to stay under the radar just in case I manage to stick my foot in my mouth all the way to my kneecaps (which it seems I have managed). They've never gotten huffy about my criticism, they actually got pissy about what another reviewer wrote. The comment being, "You're taking this a lot better than we would."I'm really glad you liked the parallels I'm drawing between Snape and Shaluinn. It's partly coincidence and partly, maybe, something else.Thank you for the feedback. I hope I have cleared up any confusion I inadvertantly caused.