Nocturnal Visitations
Chapter 10 of 18
ShanastayA dream is a dream is a dream is a dream, right?
Disclaimer: (In the spirit of Crimson Starlight)
Snape: *prod*
Shana: *grabs wand, snaps it*
Snape: *fumes*
Shana: How's it feel?
Snape: *barely controlled* What is that?
Shana: You break something of mine, I break something of yours.
Snape: *not getting it* What have I broken of yours?
Shana: The bra strap?
Snape: *confused*
Shana: *exasperated* You snapped my bra so damn hard you broke the elastic and gave me a big welt on my back!
Snape: Oh.
Shana: *nasty smirk* Yeah.
Snape: *to reader* Shanastay owns neither myself nor any characters created by Rowling. The plot, Shaluinn and those related characters belong to her. *leaves quickly*
Kim: Damn. Don't see that every day.
Shana: I think that's the closest to an apology I'm gonna get from him. *gestures dismissively* He's probably off to get himself another wand.
Kim: *still staring off in direction wizard went*
Shana: *waves hand in front of Kim's face* Helloooooooo?
Chapter 10: Nocturnal Visitations
Shrouded in the unbroken pitch-black of the room, Severus tightened his hold on the body whose back he was spooned against with the arm he had wrapped around her waist. She wriggled a bit in response, the curves of her buttocks pressing back to rub enticingly against his burgeoning arousal. He barely suppressed a moan as his hips reflexively rocked forward, increasing the skin-on-skin contact. The arm around her waist slid upward, one long-fingered hand cupping and hefting a heavy mound.
Severus twisted her erect nipple between two fingers, as he ground his swiftly hardening length against her backside. She arched into his touch, encouraging more, a soft moan escaping her lips. Growling softly, he dipped his head forward, teeth and lips nipping lightly at the curve of her neck, exposed as she arched back into him. Her free hand came up to tangle in his locks, the tensing of her fingers and increasing gasps encouraging his ministrations.
He alternately caressed her heavy breasts, tweaking her nipples somewhat roughly, reveling in the way she writhed wantonly against him. He brought his lips to the juncture of her neck and shoulder, latching onto the spot and sucking hard to raise a distinctive mark on her skin. He couldn't see it in the unwavering, unbroken darkness, but that fact didn't change his reaction. MINE! His semi-coherent thoughts were of a definitely possessive nature.
Releasing her breasts, he slid his hands down over the slight curve of her abdomen to dip between her legs, delving into the damp warmth at the apex of her thighs. One hand twisting in the sheets, the other clutching at the back of his head, she opened her legs to him. He accepted the invitation, long, dexterous fingers trailing lightly over her inner thighs, before drifting to trace the contours of her soft, clean-shaven folds.
Feeling the woman trembling in his arms, Severus granted her a reprieve. Sliding the palm of his hand firmly over her mound, he slipped first one, then two digits into her sodden depths. Pumping slowly, the heel of his hand rubbing her sensitive nub, he added a third finger, God, so tight! twisting them side to side, as a small tremor shuddered through her body, radiating outward from her abdomen. He continued to circle her clit gently, extending her pleasure. The wizard then removed his hand, bringing it to his mouth, as he lifted his head from her shoulder.
In the complete darkness, his other senses had kicked into overdrive, magnifying every sound, every sensation, every smell. He took a deep, audible breath as he brought his slick fingers to his lips. He took in the heady, musky aroma of her obvious arousal. All for me. He then slipped the digits into his mouth, making a production of licking and sucking them clean, his enjoyment very evident. Can you hear how much I enjoy your flavor? She held herself incredibly still, clearly absorbing every sound, every movement he made.
Having licked his palm clean, he brought his hand down to her upper thigh. Exerting subtle pressure, he directed her to lift her leg up and back, to curl around his thigh. Shifting back and down, his length sprang free to prod at her wet entrance, eliciting a loud gasp from her. With a subtle rocking of his hips, he drew the head of his arousal through her sodden folds, coating it thoroughly.
He gripped her hip firmly, his control tightly reined in as he flexed his hips forward, burying just the first couple of inches of his length inside her. He withdrew and returned with agonizing slowness. The woman twisted in his arms, turning her head to capture his lips. A feral growl resonating between them, he snapped his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt. Her gasp at his size and girth was caught by his devouring mouth.
So tight, so ruddy, bloody, fucking tight! He held still for a moment, ravishing her mouth as he reasserted control over his need. Assured that release was not imminent, he continued delving the recesses of her mouth as he began slowly thrusting into her depths. After several beats, he released her lips, focusing his attention lower.
With every upstroke, he rotated his hips, grinding into her, stimulating her cervix. She writhed in his embrace, reaching back to clutch at his arse, fingers digging into his skin, urging him to increase his maddening pace. He stalwartly refused to be egged on, keeping his movements slow and languid. He had every intention of drawing this out.
About the time she had cum under the ministrations of his deft fingers, he had belatedly realized that this was a dream. It was a blessedly erotic, stimulating dream, wholly unlike the ragged and broken nightmares he'd fallen into every time he made any attempt to sleep since that night. He was determined to draw this dream out, to make it last, perhaps even the entire night, if possible. So he focused his energies totally on pleasuring the unknown woman in his arms. He would find his release later.
Her unseen body was soft and generous, curved and rounded in all the right places. Yet he could feel taut steel under the smooth skin encasing her thigh. His wandering hand had felt the ripple of muscles beneath the layers of softness forming her figure. The pressure where her fingers dug into his hip and buttock made him wonder idly, if this were real, would he have had bruises in the shape of handprints there come morning.
She clearly had the physical strength to hold her own against an opponent, yet still retained her femininity. And she was letting him ravish her. If anything, the idea that she could potentially fight him off and wasn't, was actually encouraging him, was a greater turn-on. Ah, but this is my dream, so how could it be any less? If only this were real, he silently wished before immersing himself once more in the sensations washing over him.
Severus took his time, bringing the faceless, nameless woman cresting through several more tremblers, before maneuvering her onto her stomach. He rolled to his knees behind her, pulling her up onto all fours. Aiming by touch, he slammed home into her hot, clutching depths. He angled his strokes so with every thrust, he hit her g-spot, the sounds of her increasingly loud cries melding with the meaty slaps of flesh on flesh.
It was the antithesis of their previous position. That had been all about slow, sensual and intimate. This was straight-up, animalistic fucking. It didn't take long for the woman to come completely undone, the long tail of her hair swishing over her back to flick at his abdomen. He ignored the tickle, the rhythmic convulsions of her slick, tight passage proving Severus' undoing. The squeezing pressure pulled him over the precipice after her.
A howl and several thrusts later, he collapsed across her back. The added weight caused her trembling limbs to give way, the pair falling to the mattress in a crumpled tangle. The wizard twisted off her, onto his side, pulling her back against the curve of his body. Arms securely enfolding her torso, one hand cupping a breast, the other hovering near the apex of her thighs, he buried his face in the curve of her neck. Breathing deeply of her vanilla-tinged scent, and thoroughly satiated, Severus allowed his dream-self to drop into the abyss of true unconsciousness.
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Shaluinn lay awake in the unbroken darkness, encased in the embrace of a man she could not identify, who had just very soundly fucked her. The slow, deep breaths ghosting across the bare skin of her shoulder told her that he was asleep.
This is a dream. It has to be a dream. But if this is a dream, and I know it's a dream, why couldn't I really control any aspect of it? I mean, this can't possibly be real. I am asleep on the floor of my new bedroom, in front of the hearth, wrapped in a very thick comforter right now. Aren't I? The American closed her dream-eyes and went back over the happenings of the last couple of hours. At least it seemed to have lasted a couple of hours. Time dilation was such a bitch.
Shaluinn had "awoken" to an utterly black room, not a sliver of light visible anywhere, and the sensation of being pulled back against a long, lean, hard, and definitely male body. She'd wriggled against the restraining arm, immediately realizing this had to be a dream, and that a certain something was growing at her back. The faint masculine moan, and the feeling of a swiftly filling erection being rubbed between her cheeks, dispelled any doubts that might have remained in her mind.
The long-fingered hand that wrapped itself around her breast, lifting, kneading, and then twisting her nipple sent a bolt of electricity straight to her core. She couldn't help but arch into the stimulating touch, moaning softly. She cried out as she felt teeth and lips attacking her neck, her hand sliding back over the side of his face to tangle in his apparently shoulder-length locks. From the fleeting touch and sensations against her neck, she could tell he had a prominent nose, bordering on a beak even. He was lean, just this side of skinny, but the way he held her belied the strength in his limbs.
She bit her lip against the howl that threatened to emerge as he latched onto her neck. The blatant marking and groping of her breasts had more than a hint of possessiveness embedded in the actions and caused a flood of warmth between her thighs. Why do I feel like I should belong to him? This is wrong, all wrong. Her left hand twisted in the sheets, the right tugging insistently at his scalp.
Wanting more of the exquisite sensations he was eliciting, and utterly unable to deny her impulses, she opened her legs to him as she felt his fingers delving lower. She shuddered at the feather-light caresses he trailed across her heated flesh. He played her form like an expert; like he was a master harpist and her body his instrument.
Before she knew it, she found her body humming with barely restrained tension, releasing in a rolling tremor through her limbs, under the deft motions of the undeniably talented man's fingers. She could barely refrain from flinching, as he kept her on the edge of the crest, not allowing her to truly crash from that small pinnacle of pleasure.
What caught her by surprise was when he'd lifted his musk-coated fingers to his mouth and began sucking on them, clearly making a show of relishing the taste. She lay as still as humanly possible, overwhelmed by her disbelief. He can't like that. There's no way. I taste disgusting. Well, truthfully, not to myself, but enough have told me how nauseating that, and I, am. He's acting. He has to be, but for all the dark chocolate in the world, I can't fathom why.
Shamed and distracted, she offered him no resistance when he urged her leg back, settling it to wrap back around his thigh, exposing her to his attentions. He shifted behind her, eliciting a sharp gasp from her mouth as she felt the head of his turgid length questing between her sodden nether-lips. Each brush of that swollen head against her sensitized nub sent jolts through her, shiver after shiver eating away at her coherent thoughts.
She barely had time to think, Oh God! when he caught her hip and began to press into her. For the barest moment, she dared to think she'd been granted a reprieve when he withdrew, only to delve again to that maddeningly shallow depth. All thought fled her mind as he teased and taunted her so gloriously, so deliciously.
All restraint left her as Shaluinn twisted in his embrace, turning her head to capture his mouth in a passionate, demanding kiss. She tasted herself on his lips, and it drove her quite literally insane with need. Without words, she was begging for release, for completion, for him to just get on with it!
Wait! No! Oh, God, it's been too long...! Her sudden mental protests were silenced, as he sheathed himself inside her, all the way to his balls. Oh, it burns! I'm too tight! He's too large! It wasn't that he was exceedingly large either. It had just been that long since she'd done this with another, and comparatively speaking, he was a bit better than average size-wise.
He caught her cries with his mouth, keeping his hips still while he ground his mouth against hers, lips, teeth and tongues tangling almost violently. Whether he was searching for control, or giving her narrowed passage a chance to adjust to his invasion, she couldn't tell.
Finally, blessedly, he began to move, but slowly. As he released her lips and made no effort to increase his pace, it dawned on her that he intended to draw this out as long as he could. Frustrated, being driven wild with need, Shaluinn writhed in his embrace, trying to get him to move faster. But he staunchly refused to be goaded, even as her hand groped back to dig her fingers into his hip and butt. He had her half-sprawled over him, his thrusts slow and controlled. His other hand had insinuated its way around to the juncture of their joined bodies, where he massaged her most sensitive spot.
She lost it, again and again, as he insistently coaxed her body into climax after climax. She no longer cared whether it was all a dream, or something else. Her out-of-practice body was protesting all the stimulation, and she wasn't sure she could handle much more without passing out. To be sure, this mystery man was a generous lover, but good lord!
Just as Shaluinn was about to go utterly limp in his arms, he withdrew. Gently pushed onto her stomach, she could feel him moving behind her, repositioning himself between her spread knees. She barely had time to register what was about to happen when she was pulled by the hips up to her hands and knees. Bare seconds later, he drove into her from behind. A scream tore loose from her chest as he hit that spot inside her with his very first thrust.
He had clearly relinquished his incredible control, as he slammed into her with reckless abandon. She could barely hear the harsh sounds of his loins slapping her buttocks over the noise of her own cries. She felt like an animal, primal, getting fucked thoroughly and mercilessly.
Shaluinn came hard, tossing her head and long braid as he continued to pound into her, finally following her with his own howling release. The additional weight of his limp body was more than her taxed limbs could take, and they crumpled to the bed, tangled haphazardly together.
Neither one moved for several moments. He was first, rolling off her, to the side, immediately pulling her to him. He was apparently unwilling to relinquish his hold on her, wrapping his body around hers in a protective, possessive cocoon. It was both endearing and disturbing.
Which brought her right back to where she'd started this reflection session. Where had it gotten her? Nowhere. Nowhere, but where she'd been before. The thing is she had never been one to have dreams of this nature. Granted, this was much better than the vague and disturbing ones that had been plaguing her of late.
Resigned to the fact that she clearly wasn't going anywhere, Shaluinn tried to settle her overactive mind, closing her eyes and willing her dream-self into the blessed nothingness of sleep. She would deal with all the questions and concerns this raised later. For now, she let herself enjoy the feeling of being safe and protected.
TBC...
A/N: I just couldn't wait to put in some naughty stuff. The actual relationship between Shaluinn and Severus will have a slower progression than this dream encounter. What can I say? I like some plot with my smut. I know the dream sharing thing has been done before, but I'm hoping to put my own twist on it.
Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and stuck with me through all the bumps and hiccups this story has endured. Sticking to canon is a LOT harder than I realized.
Additional thank-you goes to Kim, for stepping up as my primary beta. I couldn't have gotten this far without you!
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Lies You Tell Yourself
27 Reviews | 5.56/10 Average
Yo! No compaints here! I enjoyed your genderbending as much as I have enjoyed Lotm's too ( in my own sick demented crack head way!) (That last comment is my eldest sons loving term he calls me when I'm silly ,..... crack head. Its ok I love him right back with Fuckernut ;) ) Anywho, good chappie, serves moine right for trying to break in. Glad to see Harry is getting more and more efficient with his wand.....(well that's another story ;) right?? ) Man am I in a mood today LOL! What?? I know, I'm always this way, in the gutta!! Keep up the good work, catcha later
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Not the gutter... the SEWER! You are my newest sewer-dweller!
A second secret, well, lets see......How about she experiences all of the other person's feelings and thoughts?? That sounds kinda good to me, let me know If I'm close. As for being short, well as long as you dont make a habit of it LOL! Another good chappie and I am definatly looking foward to more, oh and one more thing. If you did decide to just abandon this one, just remember, I know were your moving too....LOL ;)) Later
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
You know I'm not giving anything away... not in my author notes anyway. And DUH you know where I'm going. I'm moving in with you! Thanks for leaving a review. I love to see people coming back for more.
i feel sorry for her now that she shows she is human and not all mighty good chapter
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you! I'm SOOO glad you've stuck with me! I'm waiting for 16 to come back from my beta and will post that. I think you'll like that one. *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Great imagery here. I can nearly visualize her body and how it looks. I wonder, however, what Snape will think, knowing he thinks she still looks like a "hottie" as she did before.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you. That is an entirely valid concern that I hope I will address sufficiently. I've already written most of the scene where he finds out what's up and it's undergone several revisions. I'll be interested to see what you think of that chapter when it goes up.As always, I appreciate your feedback and support more than you will ever know. I hope to have the next chapter submitted for validation sometime tomorrow. *crosses fingers* It's a doozy!
I laughed at the prank Severus pulled. That was hilarious! Ahahaha! I like the way the story is shaping up. I am not a bow/arrow person, so I tend to skim some of that, though my son shoots them. I just can't wait for things to get on and for them to actually get together. ;)
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I saw that windex commercial and just had to pay homage.I understand glossing over the archery stuff. It's there because it will have a bearing later in the story. They will be meeting up within the next 2 chapters. Chapter 14 is going to put an *ahem* interesting spin on how Snape looks at her, not to mention all women. *snicker* No, I'm not telling!I'm glad you're enjoying this!*hugs*
I love a snarky Madam Hooch. She's one of my fave minor characters.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Me too! I have to admit I fell in love with her character after I saw the first movie. I dig the actress they chose to play her. I can just see her and Snape trading sarcastic barbs (pre-HBP). Thank you for the review! *hugs*
Response from Southern_Witch_69 (Reviewer)
I definitely tend to agree. The movie Hooch was just perfect. I use Hooch in my stories and always have her sniping at Snape. Teehee!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Great minds think alike! *snicker*
*Bouncing up and down, clapping hands, huge grin on face, chanting* I gotta mention, I gotta mention!! That was great! Send by guys back when they are finished visiting. They were so excited to come BTW!!Love the chappie, I can't wait to see how this all works out! Its cool he's an animagus now, but it also could have been interestingly funny to see how he would handle being a girl! LOL, I'm still really sad about Dumbledor tho, but I guess JKR knows what she's doing. Anywho, thanks for the mention, the great chappie and most of all for being generous and giving me two chappies back to back ;)
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I'll bring the guys with when I head down there. Using them for moving labor at the moment. :) *hugs* thanks for reviewing! Next chapter should be up in a couple of days.
Nope! No mangling of charaters here! I loved it,of course!! You know I do!! I really like the fact that she is unwittingly channelling Snape! Set them back a few pegs Heh, Heh, Heh, Ok now woman *rubbs hands togather* Wheres chapter 12!! More More More, NOW! ok, not working that way, then how about PLEEEAAASSSEE??
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Your enthusiasm is infectious, as always. I'm working hard on the upcoming chapters, bouncing around a bit in my scattered state. 12 is pending validation and should be up, hopefully, by mid-week.Thank you again for always bolstering me with such positive feedback. *hugs and other silly drunken behavior*
This is getting vera good
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*dances with delight* You're still with me! Thank you again for catching that discrepancy a few chapters back. I hope I fixed things up adequately.Thank you for the review! *hugs*
Its getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes! Sorry...couldn't help myself! What a really good chappie! I don't care what anyone says, I like dream visitations, yea its been done before but....hell whats one more time! after all its not the type of wand you use, it how you weild it ( I think I spelled that right) Good Job and I am surely looking foward to more!!Thanks, Linwe
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*hugs* I wub woo! It's "wield" by the way.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Ohhh yeah, much more to come. I've got something truly wrong planned for a rendition of the "First-years speech." You're gonna love it!
I think the explanation for your character is a good one. Sometimes, I'll admit, she did seem like supergirl, but now that we are learning more of her past and flaws, it's so much more acceptable. Things are coming together nicely.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I hadn't realized how I would turn readers off with the character initially looking "all-powerful." Being the author I know what's up with her and what's going on "behind the scenes" so when I read it I see something different. It's an act. She is hiding a lot and trying to make herself look "all that." She knows she's not, and as more chapters go up everyone will see how flawed she is (or at least stop calling her a Mary-Sue, I hope. Gads I hate that). It's all about being a perfectionist (I know I'm one). I like my OFCs human. But part of being human is making mistakes. I think her attitude and secrets might just hurt her more than she realizes. So many secrets...Thank you for all the positive and constructive feedback! *hugs*southern_witch_69's response: Readers, self included, are just too impatient to get it all out in the open. LOL... Patience is a virtue. ;)
I've not noticed any glaring grammatical errors as per the review on here. I suppose it depends on preference, as they said. Anyway, I have to second that this OFC is thoroughly defined and obviously thought out. Most that I come across don't have so much depth and backstory. Keep up the good work.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*drowning in all the praise* You do realize this makes me want to spend all my time writing now? Thank you so much! I really have tried to make my OFC well rounded and 3-dimensional. As I think I mentioned before she is based partially on a real-life friend who is every bit as complex as the character. Thank you again! *hugs*
All I can say is ... wow... it's hot in here. Very nicely done, dear. I like dream meetings. Teeehee...
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*blushes* Thank you, thank you, thank you! High praise indeed!
I have been try to read this story and get into it but I just cant get pass your original character. She is just too perfect from her size to her abilities. I won't use the Mary Sue term but its a close call. I would have stopped reading sooner but I wanted to see if someone would finally put her in her place.When she used her skills to show up the children was the last straw for me. If someone like an american can have such skills and those types of wands, so could the Order and Aurors which would make their jobs easier. It just doesnt sit with me well. Nobody has shields that good even Dumbledore like when he fought against Voldemort. Neither did. Its a magical world not a physical worldThis character would be better suited in an original story with a woman heroine instead of here. You have a great writing ability so dont think that I dont appreciate your ability. I just like a more normal character who have faults and normal abilities like all else.Good luck with the rest but I will not be following
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
*runs off to beat up her 7 beta-faries* You have several very valid points. I've done a re-write of the chapter to hopefully rectify these problems. I'm not divulging the secrets of her wands just yet as that comes out in a later chapter which also explains why no one else would really want to do what she did to disable summoning spells on her wands.The shielding issue is now a non-issue *raps beta-faires on backs of heads*. Won't come up again.Showing up the children? Gads, I didn't mean it to play off like that. I just wanted to get across the idea that she has something to contribute.As to someone having multiple incredible abilities... The character is actually based off a real-life person I know who was a martial arts world champion and is currently a compound archery world champion. So it is actually possible, as my friend does exist (and she's built like the proverbial "brick house" to boot *curses her luck*).I'm sorry I've put you off. I hope you will read the revamped chapter. If it is still not to your tastes, again I'm sorry. I've tried to address the issues you've brought to my attention and for that I am grateful.
Response from snapes_faerie (Reviewer)
I will go read it again and am glad that you are not up set about what I said I have to go to class but will catch up tonight hopefully
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I've added a LOT to upcoming chapters in response to your criticisms and hopefully the explanations allay your concerns. I think I was trying to draw out the mystery a bit too far. Chapter 8 will explain her appearance in greater depth. There's a good deal of backstory there.No, I'm not upset by what you had to say. I welcome sincere and valid criticism, which is exactly what you gave me. In response to someone else's review I asked that I be called on making the character "unbelievable." You did that. Sometimes it is too easy to let your imagination run away and you don't realize just how far you've strayed from your chosen path. I really, truly hope the character and story make more sense now. I hate losing readers because I screwed up, especially when it's fixable.I had to laugh that it was my beta fairy that got all huffy about the criticism as I whapped her for not doing her job and alerting me before I posted.Happy re-reading and thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. Too few people are brave enough to speak up.
This is a wonderfully strong original character, and I enjoyed this chapter a lot. I will be looking forward to seeing where this story goes.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you for the compliment. In Shaluinn I've tried to create a character who has a strong, indepedent, personality, yet is still feminine. It is often hard to strike a believable balance between the "Zena Warrior Princess," who is able to hold her own against strong males, and the "damsel in distress," who is always needing to be saved. The character is largely based on an extraordinary, and very real, person I know. If I end up taking her in an "unbelievable" direction, please nudge me back on the straight and narrow.
For the Krum part, I was like, "WTF is Snape doing there? Thought he was off flying?" LOLI don't blame Snape for ... investigating further. teehee
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Oh, it is SO gratifying to know that my misdirect worked!!! *hugs* Thank you! *snicker* I couldn't resist the baby-crack-plot-bunny's gender bender. I mean, really, if you were a guy transformed into a girl wouldn't you be just a bit curious???Thank you so much for stopping in and leaving a review!
Ok, sorry, forgot to rate you fic, I am so the absent minded professor!! My humble appologies.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Awwww. I wub woo!
Wow! That was so great! I had really thought it was Snape instead of Victor in the hallway, the whole time I was thinking WTF! How'd he get in there?? Good twist! Its good she now has to tell Minerva about her Leukemia. She needs for someone to know. To have some kind of support. Its a good thingI am waiting for my next up date please! Awsome job with the gender bending BTW. ;) Cant wait for more!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Thank you for dropping by. So I actually had you fooled with the Snape/Krum thing? Excellent. I was going through GoF and saw the similarities in their appearances and just had to play a bit.Glad you liked the gender-bender. I blame Lotm entirely for giving me the courage to shine daylight on my depraved crack-smoking plot-bunnies.I'm working on the next chapter and with people like you on my butt it will be ready by mid-week.Don't mind me... I'm in a "mood."
And another chapter of suspenceful goodness! Has chapter 14 been submitted? Huh?! Huh?! I know I've read it, but I want to come here and read it. It's just that good!By the way, I do not say such things as "Bwahbwahbwah…" It's more of a "Bwahhhaahhabaaahhh..." I'm just saying... Cheers!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Do I need to beat you, my dearest beta-fairy? Of course 14 has been submitted. Waiting on validation now. Couldn't have done it without your somewhat dubious help. No, I'm kidding! You are the best and you keep me in line. This fic wouldn't have gone anywhere without you! *huggles* I wub woo!
Another amazing chappie!! Congrats to you and keep up the good work! I just loved the part with the sliding glass door! Priceless! And what is up with Hoochie??? hhmmm she's being a bit too nosy. I guess we shall see what she's up to.. Oh and thanks for the mention, Those two really have messed up the kitchen more than once, but hey, you really can't stay mad at them in all their elvie goodness......aaaahhh twins!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Hoochie? *snickering* The next chapter just got finished and sent off to the beta. Lots of things will come to light... Stay tuned! Thank you for another great review!
Love this character so far. Have you read 'The ancient future' by Traci Harding. She reminds me of the heroine in that story. Tough and feisty. Hate swearing, but in this it just seems to fit. Also love the intro dialogue...crazy!Keep up the great work, your descriptions are really vivid. Feels like I am actually there. One thing that people compromise on in fanfic is describing the scenery. Love that you have taken the time and effort to thoroughly describe her surroundings. Can't wait for the next installment - and the countdown to meeting Snape.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Sorry about the swearing, but I'm glad you found it fit. I am articulate enough I can express myself without profanity, but where I have used it in the fic, it was meant to have a purpose. That is exactly what I was going for. I'm glad you like the way I present the disclaimers. I got the idea from a friend and make the disclaimers have their own ongoing (and hopefully funny) mini-plot.I am several chapters ahead in writing so I update at least once a week. Keep your eyes peeled for the next chapter... It's gonna be... interesting...Thank you SO much for such a lovely review! *hugs*
Love it!! really good chappie!! we are finding out more and more about her. I can't wait to see how this is going to come togather more. More please, please, please.;) SB
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
I love positive feedback. But you already know that. Thank you! With the next chapter this fic will earn its rating...
First off I love the password to her quarters!! I'm sure Glory got a chuckle out of that too! Poor sevvie! Just now being able to grieve, I sure hope he kicks the shit outta that bitch belitrix, I really don't like her at all!!I still havent' figured out her alement, Its probably staring me right in the face LOL just not seeing it. Anywho, on with the next great chappie!!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Serenity... I just know that's you... As always, thank you for your encouraging and appreciative feedback.*hugs*
The description of her quarters was very nice. That carpet would make me want to sleep on the floor too. Your descriptions painted a picture in my mind and allowed me to "feel" the scene as though I were there. Wonderful!
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Feeling as well as vision was exactly what I was going for. Thank you for letting me know I succeeded! *hugs all around*
I?m interested so far, but I?ve found several grammatical errors as well as some awkward language in the descriptions. Maybe that?s just a personal preference, but nonetheless.
I am surprised you don?t have more reviews. OC?s in HP can be difficult to pimp since people are so fixated on the canon characters. Although, I have to say that this is one of the best OC?s I?ve seen enter into the HP universe. Even if she has some blatant HP Sue qualities (American, physically and magically superior, etc) it is easy to see through to the character you?ve created.
I look forward to reading more. This story is the first addition to my favorites list.
BTW, I?m glad I?m not your beta. I?ve never seen a writer badmouth their beta like that in response to a review. Granted, you didn?t say anything terrible, but you?re the writer. You?re responsible for the content you post. I didn?t even notice a mention of a beta, so they don?t get any credit and then they get disparaged for their work? I?d hate to see the writers I beta for treat me like that if I made a mistake.
Anyway, nice story. I found it poignant that both Snape and Shaluinn should break down, together but separate. I look forward to seeing where these characters go, and what?s going to happen when they finally meet.
Response from Shanastay (Author of The Lies You Tell Yourself)
Grammatical errors? Hmmm. Would you mind at all sending me a PM pointing them out? I think my writing style may be to blame for that problem.I'm glad you like Shaluinn. I'm trying to stay away from HP Sue characteristics as much as I can but I do subscribe to the theory of "write what you know." Being an American myself I made the OC American as I don't feel qualified to create a British character believably. I simply don't know enough. As to being physically superior, I'm guessing you're referring to her taking down Hermione and Ron? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not trying to portray her as superior, rather she was able to gain the upper hand, having training and skills the others don't. If she's not very careful she's gonna get her ass handed to her rather easily. As it's coming out in later chapters, you'll hopefully see that a lot of what she's doing is acting.Magically surperior? She's not, or at least I didn't write her to be. I know somewhere I had her actually say she's not qualified to teach them (Golden Trio) anything magically related. She's good in certain areas and can do things some people can't just because she approaches things from a different angle and has had different/unique training. She only beat the Golden Trio in that short-lived duel because she got DAMN LUCKY. That's how I intended it anyway. She's really just a pawn in the game, and doesn't actually understand the role she's meant to play.As to my betas, what I wrote was actually one of their ideas. When I sent off a copy of the review she wrote back, "You gonna beat us with a hard-cover book now since you got hit with a book-spine last week?" She was kidding, and knew I was joking around. I didn't intend for it to come off as badmouthing my betas, especially since they didn't take it that way at all. Whole thing has actually become a massive running joke with them putting all kinds of outrageous suggestions into our correspondence. But seriously, I'm sorry if I offended you. That particular review led to a nice conference where we all discussed and elaborated on our expectations for each other (I beta stuff for them as well as they beta me). I realize I am responsible for what I write. I guess the lot of us just have a really twisted sense of humor. (Maybe that's why we all get along... hmmmm...) And the primary beta actually appears in the disclaimers per her preference *coughKimcough* the rest aren't actually betas, just dear friends who like to have a first look at everything I write, and in return throw their honest opinions my way. They like to stay under the radar just in case I manage to stick my foot in my mouth all the way to my kneecaps (which it seems I have managed). They've never gotten huffy about my criticism, they actually got pissy about what another reviewer wrote. The comment being, "You're taking this a lot better than we would."I'm really glad you liked the parallels I'm drawing between Snape and Shaluinn. It's partly coincidence and partly, maybe, something else.Thank you for the feedback. I hope I have cleared up any confusion I inadvertantly caused.