Chapter 11: Letting Go

Disclaimer: Sadly, I'm still not JK Rowling, I'm simply playing in her world. Also, the song lyrics belong to the wonderful Katie Drake.

Author's Notes: Once again, DracoGurlFurever has passed her tuned beta eye over this and helped to make it presentable. I also want to thank the PP staff who have helped me so much with this story and getting it validated. And, thank you to you the reader for sticking with me and especially if you have left a review.

Once again, I associate this chapter with a song, this time by Katie Drake. She's a young woman just starting out in her music career and this song is probably one of my favourites. I can only find one video of it on YouTube which is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkIFfixVooY The video features horses because Katie is the niece of a Natural Horseman called Pat Parelli, so if you like horses, sit back and enjoy, if you don't then close your eyes and listen to the song. ;-) The video actually features one of Pat's UK instructors – she's the blonde girl riding bareback and bridleless along the beach. I must stress, she has a very high level of communication with her horse, so please DO NOT try that if by any chance you are a horse rider!

Chapter 11: Letting Go

If you could see beyond these walls that I've erected

'Letting Go' by Katie Drake

Sophia woke the next morning after her first full night's sleep in a week. She felt more refreshed for it – although she did have a headache, which, she presumed, had been caused by the stress of the night before. She decided that, if it hadn't shifted by the time she had finished breakfast, she would go to see Madam Pomfrey before her Charms class for a potion that would bring her some relief.

She cringed when she thought of how she had cried last night in front of Sirius. It was the second time that she had broken down in front of him, and she hated her display of weakness. Crying made her feel like she wasn't in control of her own emotions, and last night had been the absolute worst. That type of crying was neither endearing nor dignified. No, instead it was the type of crying that made your eyes puffy, made you hiccup and gasp for breath, and blocked your nose, causing you to sniff ... loudly. She tried her best to forget that mortifying image as she got herself ready for the day.

As she sat with Lily, Melanie, Lucy, and Niahm at breakfast, she realised just how much of a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Niahm was making comments about a Hufflepuff boy called Nathaniel who was in her Divination class. She was telling them of her desperate flirting techniques while reading his tea leaves, and Sophia found that she couldn't help but laugh along with the rest of the group. It was the first time she had felt even able to laugh in a week. Even her headache had started to ease as she ate breakfast, so she decided to go straight to class without stopping by the infirmary.

She felt two hands rest gently on her shoulders and a warm breath pass her ear.

'Are you ready to go to Charms?'

It was Sirius. She wasn't aware how close Sirius's face was to her own; as she spun round to respond, the pair nearly collided noses. He pulled back slightly, giving her a smile.

'Um ... yeah ... hold on a sec,' she spluttered quickly before lifting up her pumpkin juice and draining the last few drops in one go. Her slightly-flustered demeanour was not lost on Niahm or Melanie, who both gave her suspicious looks as she got up to leave the table. With her recent behaviour of the past week, she couldn't blame them for wondering if something was going on with her – they weren't wrong there, either – but ... Sirius?

Be realistic, she thought with a snort. As if he would even look at me twice. She quickly gave them one of her 'say-anything-and-I'll-hex-you' looks in the hope that they would get the hint. 'Right, ready,' she said brightly to Sirius, who was still waiting patiently behind her.

Charms class was interesting – Professor Flitwick was allowing them to continue their practice of the locomotor charm. She had been distracted, though, by Sirius, which had caused the large, heavy book that she was levitating to fly into the head of the Ravenclaw girl, Clara, who sat in front of her. Clara merely turned round and glared, not at Sophia, but at Sirius, who feigned innocence of the offence even though it was his distraction that had caused the book to go awry in the first place. Sophia found that she had to choke back laughter during this exchange of looks, and she noticed that Sirius was also smiling. At the end of the lesson, he invited her to join him for their free period before break, which she took him up on.

Once they were up in the common room at their usual table, they pulled out their books and started working. Of course, that lasted all of five minutes before Sirius started talking.

'You know, you could have at least tried to defend me in Charms class,' he grumbled playfully as he looked up at her through his dark locks.

'Defend you? It was you distracting me that sent the book sailing into the back of Clara's head in the first place,' Sophia stated firmly, although with a hint of amusement in her voice.

'Ah, yes, but, you were in charge of the book at the time – so, really, it is still your fault,' Sirius countered, a smug look on his face.

Sophia had no comeback this time. She knew that, whatever she came up with, he would again counter the point with a new argument, so she admitted defeat in silence and turned her attention back to her books. Sirius, however, seemed to have decided that they weren't going to work during this time.

'It was good to see you laughing again this morning at breakfast,' he commented; she could feel his grey eyes staring at her as she doubled her concentration on the books in front of her.

'Was it?' she replied, in what she hoped was a casual manner.

'Yeah, it was. Makes me wonder what was said to make you laugh. Would you care to enlighten me?' She continued to work, but that became impossible when she realised that he had stretched forwards across the desk to her. His face was nearly flat against the wooden surface as he tried to look up at her face; she could see his impish grin was in place again. She pulled back from her work, and he mirrored her movements, obviously satisfied that he had won.

'Niahm was just talking about her disastrous attempts to flirt with a boy in Hufflepuff, that's all,' she recalled with a slight smile. 'It's just the way she tells things that is funny. I always seem to laugh whenever she starts laughing herself.' Sophia returned back to her work; as she did, she heard Sirius let out a frustrated sigh.

'Are we really back to this again?'

'Back to what?' she asked, keeping her attention focused downwards.

'This,' he said, gesturing between them with his hands. 'You not talking to me. I thought that, after last night, you might at least feel like you could trust me a bit more.' She could hear a touch of hurt evident in his tone. Sophia didn't respond, but she did sit up and look at him. She could see the worry and confusion flit across his face before he leaned across the desk in an effort to close the gap between them again. 'How are you feeling today?'

'I'm okay,' she said, with a tentative smile. 'I feel a bit better than yesterday, anyway,' she admitted, causing him to smile back. 'But how are you doing? Everyone seems to be worried about me, but you went through a bit of an ordeal yourself.'

'Oh, I'm fine,' he said cheerily, 'just concerned about you; that's all.'

She felt her cheeks go red as he expressed his concern for her. 'Well, thank you, but at the moment, I'm fine.' She paused for a moment before speaking again, a slow smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. 'You want to know something?'

'Always,' he replied mischievously, his grin broad and his eyes glinting with interest.

'I really don't know why we bother to take our books out – we never get any work done, do we?' Sophia chuckled slightly as she made her observation.

Sirius also chuckled. 'You know, you are so right. How about we just make it official and go outside for a walk instead?' he asked hopefully.

Sophia looked at out the window and saw that – although it was rather dull and overcast – it was at least also dry. 'Okay,' she agreed, with a smile that Sirius returned. 'Let me put this stuff upstairs, and then I'll meet you down here.' Sirius nodded in confirmation as she gathered her things in her arms and went up to her room.

Once outside, their cloaks and scarves wrapped around them tightly to stave off the November chill, they walked around the edge of the lake as they talked about anything and everything that came into their heads. There was one question, though, that Sophia had been dying to know the answer to ever since the beginning of term, and she decided that now was as good a time as any to ask it.

'Sirius, can I ask you something, please?'

'Fire away,' he replied openly.

'Well, I was just wondering what caused you to finally move out from your parents' house. Don't feel that you have to answer, though, if you don't want to ... I guess I'm just being nosey.' Her voice faltered, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable about asking such a personal question.

She looked at Sirius cautiously, out of the corner of her eye, as they continued to walk. His light-hearted expression dropped and his eyebrows came together in a frown as he weighed up how best to answer.

'Sit down for a moment,' he said softly, stopping by a log. She willingly complied as he joined her, and she waited quietly for him to answer. 'Okay, well, basically, I left when they told me that they had arranged a marriage for me.'

Sophia couldn't stop the sudden intake of breath. She couldn't believe that his parents would go to such lengths in the name of keeping the family bloodline pure.

'Sirius, that's awful. Do you know who the girl was?' she asked shyly, not wanting to pry further, but letting curiosity get the better of her.

Sirius let out a short, bitter chuckle. 'You'll think I'm making it up.' He looked at her, and she could almost see him making the decision about whether or not to tell her. With a deep breath and a touch of regret about his tone, he said, 'It was Dahlia Rosier.'

Sophia was stunned into silence for a moment. 'You mean–'

'Evan's younger sister, yes. Ironic, isn't it? Both of us had our lives changed by the Rosiers.' Another mirthless chuckle escaped Sirius's lips as Sophia tried to process this new bit of information.

'But she's only a fourth-year – she's not even fifteen yet!'

'Yeah, and since when did age stop the Black family? My mother was my father's cousin – first cousin, no less – before she became his wife. Trust me; they wouldn't bother about an issue like that.' His voice was dripping with disdain as he spoke. 'As if I would even consider getting married to her anyway,' he complained bitterly. 'When they told me what they'd done, and how grateful I should be, I just stormed out. I went straight to James', and his parents said I could live there if I wanted, so I did. I probably would have moved out sooner or later anyway; I guess it just speeded the process up a bit. I dare say I've been blown off the family tree now.' Sirius's face grew even darker as he mulled over these thoughts.

Sophia didn't know what to do or say – everything seemed so inadequate – but she realised she had to say something, no matter how stupid it might sound.

'Sirius, I'm so sorry. I guess we can choose our friends, but not our family, right?' she said, as light-heartily as she could, in an effort to raise him out of his dark reverie, reaching out to his hand as she did so. She placed it gently over the top of his, causing him to look down sharply before placing his other hand on top of hers.

'Yeah, I suppose you're right. Anyway, you don't need to be sorry. It's not your fault that I was born into a family of zealots.' His mood seemed to lighten again as he spoke; when he looked up at her again, there was a small smile gracing his features.

'Well, I suppose we should head back to the castle.'

'Urgh ... do we have to?' she protested. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, obviously wondering what made her want to stay here. 'Double Potions – the fumes play havoc with my hair,' she informed him, clutching a chunk of her curls for emphasis.

He let out a small bark of laughter. 'You don't want to go to Potions because it messes up your hair? Sophia, I'd never put you down for being vain,' he teased, nudging her shoulder with his own as he did.

'Yes, well, it's all right for you, with your perfect hair,' she joked, 'but my hair is like wire wool, and frizzes at the slightest hint of moisture in the air.' She gestured to the air around her.

'It doesn't look like wire wool to me,' he said thoughtfully, removing his top hand from where it had been sandwiching hers and reaching out to touch a curl by the side of her face. 'Or feel like it, for that matter.'

She could feel herself beginning to blush. 'That's what Sleekeazy will do for you. All the same, I still don't feel like sitting through double Potions today.'

He dropped the tendril and smiled warmly. 'Well, unless you want to skive – in which case I'm more than happy to join you – I'm afraid you have no choice.'

'Hmm ... so, I can either spend a double period with you or go to Potions and get frizzy hair?' She tapped her finger to her chin as she pretended to contemplate the decision. 'That's no choice at all! Potions it is.' She gave him a mischievous grin as she squeezed his hand one final time, leaping up from the log and making her way back towards the castle.

He quickly caught up to her again; as they walked along in a companionable silence, Sophia contemplated how comfortable she now felt around him. Back at the beginning of term, she'd always thought of him and James as being jokers and that alone – both were good for a laugh, but you shouldn't count on them to be serious or rely on either of them for anything. She regretted now how badly mistaken she'd been. It had been wholly unfair of her to judge the pair of them so harshly.

There was now a level of openness between Sirius and herself that she had never shared with anyone: not even Lily or Remus, now that she really thought about it. It wasn't just her sharing her secrets any more – he was just as willing to tell her about the difficult parts in his life – and that made her feel good, made her feel special. She could stand being totally honest with him if she knew she could return the favour and listen to his problems. Yet, there was something more ... something was stirring inside her, and she couldn't work out what it was.

She decided that, after everything that had happened in the last seven days, her emotions were bound to be more than slightly frazzled, so she put these unexplained disturbances down to that cause and hoped that, in time, she would get back to feeling normal again.