Chapter 9: Don’t Take My Photograph

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I've still not turned into JK Rowling, so I only own Sophia and not the rest of this marvellous universe.

Author's Notes: Thanks again to DracoGurlFurever for passing a critical eye over this chapter, and also to the PP admins who have helped me so much with this story. Also, thank you for reading this story, especially if you have left a review – I treasure every single one.

Chapter 9: Don't Take My Photograph

Neither Sophia nor Sirius slept for the rest of the night. Instead, they sat together in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts. When it was nearly six o' clock, they decided it would be a good idea to return to their own beds for an hour so that they would be there when their friends woke up. The repercussions and rumours that would occur from being caught on the sofa first thing in the morning with Sirius was not something that Sophia wanted to deal with at that time. She held onto to Sirius tightly as they hugged, savouring the feelings of absolute safety and protection he gave her, before he slowly stepped away and turned to walk up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

She silently climbed up the stairs to her own room, gently opened the door, and crept over to her bed, where Hamish was curled up, asleep. He awoke and gave a soft meow in greeting to her, stretching out his body as he stood. She quickly put on her pyjamas, not caring that she had left her school robes in a pile on the floor, and climbed into her bed. Hamish moved from his spot to sit by his owner, and her hands automatically started to stroke him. He purred loudly at the attention, and the noise helped to keep her calm.

Now that she was alone, her bed felt cold, and she realised how much she missed Sirius. She wondered whether he had fallen asleep or if he was lying awake the way she was. Her thoughts turned to the conversation she had promised to have with Lily and the other Marauders. She wouldn't lie to herself – she had to admit she was dreading it. She tried desperately to push its looming presence from her mind, but failed. Her mind played over all the various ways that the conversation could go until, suddenly, she heard someone in the room stirring. It sounded like it was coming from Lily's bed; sure enough, Lily soon came tip-toeing over to her bed.

'Soph? Are you awake?' Lily whispered.

She thought about pretending to be asleep, but it was only putting off the inevitable.

'Yeah,' she replied, her voice sounding loud in the quiet room even though she was whispering as well. She sat up in her bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. Lily perched herself on the edge of the bed; through the gloom of the room, Sophia could see she looked worried.

'What time did you come to bed? I was awake for ages, but you didn't come up. What happened last night? Have you slept at all?' Lily sounded as anxious as she looked.

'I got a few hours of sleep, but I've been awake since about half past three, I think.' She paused, but she could tell that Lily was not about to let her escape without knowing what had happened the night before. She took a deep breath and tried to stall just a little bit longer. 'About last night – it's kind of complicated, Lily ... can I tell you and the others this evening? I don't think I can talk about it twice ...' Her voice faltered, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes once more. However, this just caused Lily to become even more insistent.

'Soph – I know something serious happened last night, and if you think I'm going to wait around until this evening to find out what happened, then you are sadly mistaken. Now, please tell me what happened. You have no idea what it's like not knowing whether I can help you or not.' Sophia knew that Lily wouldn't give up, and she also knew that she wasn't being fair to her friend who was so obviously worried about her.

'Fine – I'll make you a deal. We'll go to the boys' dorm and see if they are awake, too. If they are, then I'll tell all of you now; if they are not, then I'll tell you during our free period together this afternoon. Okay?'

'Why can't you just tell me now?' Lily asked.

Sophia could see the hurt in Lily's eyes.

'I'm sorry, Lils, but I've told you – I need to tell all of you at the same time. I can't do this twice, and the boys have a right to know, too. I know that you are not particularly keen on James and Sirius–' Lily scoffed, but otherwise didn't interrupt further, '–but Sirius knows, and Remus deserves to know, so I feel I should tell them all.'

The Marauders had always been good to Sophia since she had become friends with Remus and, while she knew that Sirius would keep this a secret if she had asked him to do so, she also knew how close he was to James. She didn't feel she could ask him to keep this a secret from his best friend when he'd already done so much for her. It was better if she told everyone in one go; then, it would be out in the open.

Lily still looked hurt, but she seemed to accept what Sophia had said. 'Right, well, come on, then – let's go.'

The two girls got up, put their dressing gowns on, and left the room as silently as they could. They walked quickly through the empty common room before going up the stone staircase that led to the boys' dormitories. Once they reached the right door, Sophia knocked, waiting for a response. The girls could hear movement in the room, and then the door was opened by a confused-looking James. His normally ruffled hair looked worse than normal. He'd obviously just woken up; he was blinking more than was strictly necessary.

'Sophia? Lily? What are you doing here?' he asked, sounding sleepy and dazed before yawning loudly. Sophia heard footsteps coming quickly across the room, and the door was suddenly wrenched open further by Sirius.

'Soph? What's wrong?' He both sounded and looked worried. He reached out to grab her hand in a comforting gesture, and she saw James raise an eyebrow at the pair of them.

'I just wondered if now would be a good time to tell everyone what had happened – that's all,' she said, mainly addressing Sirius, though, by this point, both Remus and Peter had also gotten out of bed and were over at the door, looking at the two girls.

'Are you sure you're ready for that?' Sirius asked, still looking worried.

'Yeah – they deserve to know, Sirius.' Her voice was soft but determined, and she watched his face soften as he accepted her answer. James, Peter, and Remus, on the other hand, looked thoroughly mystified by the conversation that had just taken place.

'Okay, well, can we come in then, please?' Lily said slightly awkwardly, trying not to look at James.

'Yeah, 'course, come in,' James said as he snapped out of his confusion. Sirius kept hold of Sophia's hand and led her over to his bed; the others followed. They all squeezed onto the bed; Sirius, Sophia, and Lily sat along the top, and James, Remus, and Peter along the bottom. Sophia felt Sirius squeeze her hand again the way he had in McGonagall's office, and she readied herself to tell her friends what had happened.

Sophia was about halfway through the story when she suddenly burst into tears and fell onto Sirius' shoulder; he gave her a hug while the others sat in silence. She took a few minutes to compose herself before she managed to continue with the story, although the tears never completely left her. By the time she finished, Lily was in tears, James and Remus looked angry, and Peter simply looked shocked.

'That bastard – wait till I get my hands on him; I'm gonna–' James began angrily before he was interrupted.

'No, James – you won't do anything,' Sophia said, looking him in the eye. Her voice was calm and authoritative, and she wasn't quite sure where it was coming from.

'What do you mean? You're going to let him get away with it?' James sounded shocked and confused – like he thought Sophia was behaving completely irrationally.

'James, I don't want anyone else to know what has happened. I've told you because you guys are all my friends, and I feel you need to know. Between McGonagall and Slughorn, he will be punished, and that's the end of it.'

'Detention is not a punishment, Sophia! He deserves to be strung up by his–' James began to protest loudly before he was interrupted again. However, this time, it was Sirius who spoke.

'James! This is Sophia's decision, not yours. You've heard what she's had to say, so just drop it, okay?' James opened and closed his mouth a few times without saying anything before finally closing it, unable to come up with another argument.

'Lily – are you okay?' Sophia asked, looking over to her friend, who had tears running down her cheeks.

All Lily could do to respond was to reach out and hug Sophia before she whispered, 'Oh, Soph, I'm so sorry ... I'm so sorry ...'

'It's not your fault, Lils,' Sophia said, fighting back a fresh wave of tears.

'It is – I left you in the library. If I'd stayed with you ... if I'd walked back with you, then ... then ...' With that, Lily burst into tears again.

'Lily, this is no one's fault but Rosier's. You couldn't possibly have known – no one could've. There are so many what-if's – all of which I've thought of over and over again all night. What if I'd left with you? What if I'd left five minutes before I did? What if I'd gone down a different corridor instead? What if I'd taken my wand with me? What if Sirius hadn't been walking that way?'

Her voice cracked, and she took a deep breath in an attempt to keep her composure before continuing. 'The point is, it happened, and there's nothing that anyone can do about that, so don't you dare go blaming yourself, Lily Evans, because you have nothing to be sorry for. Okay?' Lily nodded slowly and wiped the tears from her cheeks. 'Now, I think we should all get ready for breakfast.' Sophia put on her best smile as she looked round at everyone in turn. Though she didn't feel remotely hungry, she was beginning to feel trapped in this room, and she desperately needed to be alone for a while. Breakfast seemed the only way to get everyone to move with as little fuss as possible.

'Yeah, 'course. We'll wait for the two of you in the common room,' Sirius said as he got up off his bed. Everyone else slowly started to move too, and Lily and Sophia left the boys' dorm to head back to their own.

In the time since Lily and Sophia left their own dorm room, Melanie, Niahm, and Lucy had gotten up and left already, meaning the two girls were alone. Sophia couldn't face risking Lily asking her any more questions, so she quickly escaped to the safety of the bathroom to take a shower. She let the water rush over her as she remembered the looks she had seen on everyone's faces after she had told them what had happened. She wondered then if their friendships would ever be the same again.

Peter had looked so shocked ... then, she thought of James ... she had never seen James look so angry before ... well, except for maybe when Snape had called Lily a Mudblood ... and Remus ... would he ever be able to look at her the same way again?

Then, there was Lily. Would their friendship survive this? Then, Sirius – she knew their friendship had moved to a different place already. They had been brought together through this; she knew that much. No one would ever fully understand what it had been like for either of them to be in that situation ... but would this strengthen their friendship, or would it kill it slowly over time? Would she just become a constant reminder to him that he couldn't stand to be around any longer?

Then her thoughts turned to herself – would she ever truly be okay after this? Would she be able to put this behind her and move on, like she so desperately wanted to? She felt empty inside – she had cried so much in the last twelve hours that it felt like the tears had drained her of everything that had made her who she was. She began to wash her skin, and caught sight of her arm as she did. She could clearly see five dark blue marks where Rosier had dug his fingers into her skin. She gently ran her fingers over them, and winced as she felt the pain from this light touch.

Lucky it's winter; I can wear long sleeves, she thought wretchedly as she continued to examine her bruises. This would cause a lot of questions otherwise.

Brushing these thoughts aside, she finished washing herself and stepped out of the shower to get herself ready for breakfast. Once she was dressed, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her face looked tired, and her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

Well, that's not surprising ... I've only had three hours of sleep.

She thought about going down to the Great Hall for breakfast, a prospect which filled her with dread. There was a part of her, a very large part of her, that desired to simply crawl back into her bed and stay there for the rest of the day. She knew that nothing would happen to her down in the Great Hall – Rosier wasn't that stupid – but the thought of seeing him still scared her. Her only saving grace was the fact that he was a seventh year, so he wouldn't be in any of her classes.

Then, a horrible thought hit her – what if Rosier had gone back to the Slytherin common room and bragged about what he'd done? If that was the case, then Snape was sure to know, and spending double Potions with him leering at her was not a pleasant thought. Actually, sitting in the Great Hall with that whole gang leering at her was not a pleasant thought, either.

Oh, Merlin ... please just let me get through this day, she thought desperately as she slowly gathered her stuff and left the bathroom.

Sophia went down to breakfast with Lily and the Marauders. James still looked to be full of fury, and Peter wouldn't make eye contact with her, but Sirius and Remus each gave her a timid smile when she and Lily arrived down in the common room. They all walked down to the Great Hall, where Sophia sat facing the Slytherin table (she was determined to at least put on a brave face, even if she did feel like running away and hiding) with Sirius on her right and Lily on her left.

Her fears about Rosier telling his group of Slytherins what he'd done the previous night were realised as she saw the looks they were giving her across the Great Hall. Sophia didn't feel at all hungry and refused to eat anything despite Lily's protests. She settled for drinking a cup of pumpkin juice, trying her best to ignore the smirking Slytherins. She knew that James definitely was still finding it hard to deal with the whole situation ... if the way he was treating his bacon was anything to go by.

The tensest part of the whole breakfast was when Rosier, Snape, Lestrange, and Regulus were walking out of the Hall. Sophia tracked them with her eyes as they walked over towards the door; she knew they were talking about her – all four of them were regularly looking over in her direction, laughing every time they did so. She was beginning to feel a mixture of anger and shame, but tried to remain expressionless so as to not give them the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of her.

However, the Marauders were also witnessing the Slytherins' behaviour, and she could see that all four were nearing boiling point. Apparently, the Slytherins could see the Marauders' anger too, and they decided to play up to it as surreptitiously as they could. Rosier hung back slightly, letting the others pass him, and turned to face Sophia with a sly grin.

Her blood turned to ice in her veins, and her heart began to hammer in her chest once more – that look took her straight back to the previous night. Sophia sat, paralysed, waiting to see what Rosier would do next. Ever so slowly, maintaining his smirk the whole time, Rosier blew her a kiss.

The four Marauders instantly made to move out of their seats with the intention of hexing Rosier into the next decade, but Sophia grabbed hold of Sirius and growled 'no' at them all. Her Gryffindor courage had once again returned to her when she needed it most, and she was adamant that Rosier would not succeed in his attempt to wind her, or the Marauders, up. They all turned to look at her with a mixture of rage and surprise written all over their faces.

'You will all sit down right now – he will not get the better of any of us,' she hissed under her breath, staring at them all until they returned to their seats, even if they did so rather begrudgingly. She looked back at Rosier, who seemed pleased with the reaction he had managed to get from the Marauders, before she saw him walk out of the Hall.

'Why did you do that? He would have deserved what was coming to him,' James said bitterly, tearing his eyes away from where Rosier had just been to look at Sophia.

'James, what did I tell you upstairs? I don't want anyone knowing what happened, and you four hexing Rosier across the Great Hall during breakfast is hardly going to achieve that, is it? The best thing we can all do is to just ignore him,' she replied quietly, not wanting anyone else near them to hear what was being discussed, although a few people seated nearby were looking in their direction. As she stood up from her seat she continued, 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get my stuff and go to Charms.'

'Wait a second; I'll come with you,' Sirius told her, shovelling the last few mouthfuls of his breakfast into his mouth and standing up to accompany Sophia out of the Hall. 'Okay, we'll see you guys later, then – have a good morning,' Sirius called out as he and Sophia walked out of the Hall.

The rest of the day passed in a blur for Sophia. She applied herself to her classes in an attempt to block any other thoughts from her mind, but she couldn't honestly remember what she had done during the day by the time she got to the end of it. After dinner, Sophia went up to her dorm room. Lucy and Melanie were at Quidditch practice, and Lily was studying down in the common room with Niahm, which meant Sophia could finally have some time alone.

She lay down on her bed and stroked Hamish as he curled up by her side. She still felt hollow – that was the only way of describing it. Sure, she had moments when she would feel emotion, like when her temper had risen at breakfast, but for most of the day, she had simply drifted. She would give the appropriate response when necessary – laugh whenever someone made a joke, smile whenever someone spoke to her and, if asked, she would always say that she was okay – but she wasn't okay, and she knew it.

Despite being determined that she would not let Rosier get the better of her, she knew that he was. Seeing Snape during the double Potions lesson that day had been a new kind of torture for her. Normally, he reserved his staring for Lily, but today he seemed more interested in Sophia, which had made her feel as if her skin was crawling for the whole lesson. She had been so distracted that her cauldron had nearly melted, and it was only thanks to Lily's quick reactions that she had been saved from that humiliation.

She spent the next few hours trying to figure out how she was truly feeling and how she was going to get through this. When the other girls came up to the dorm for bed, Sophia pretended to be asleep – preferring to, for the moment, avoid a conversation with them. Once the room went dark, she opened her eyes and continued to lay on her bed until about midnight, when she decided to get changed into her pyjamas and go to bed properly. However, while she was getting changed, she decided that she would go down to the common room for a while; she knew she wouldn't sleep if she went to bed, and the sound of the other girls sleeping so soundly was starting to irritate her.

She crept down to the now-deserted common room and took a seat on the sofa by the fire. Her thoughts drifted back to the night before, when she had sat here with Sirius. She felt confused about a lot of things at the moment, and Sirius was definitely one of them. Where possible, he had spent all day by her side, which she had definitely appreciated, especially as she knew she didn't have to talk that much around him if she didn't feel like it. Now that she was here alone, she realised how much she missed him and needed him. She needed to feel his arms around her – those arms which, the previous night, had made her feel so safe.

She sat there, staring into the dying fire, lost in her own thoughts, when she heard a noise coming from the portrait hole as it swung open and someone entered. However, it wasn't until the person stepped into the light of the fire that she finally saw who it was.

'Sirius? What are you doing up?' whispered Sophia.

'Could say the same to you,' he replied, flashing her one of his trademark smiles before taking up a seat next to her on the sofa. Sophia blushed slightly at his remark, and then blushed more when she realised that she was in her pyjamas – they consisted of a pair of cropped trousers and a strappy top. Sirius, however, was still in his school robes.

'I couldn't sleep. You never answered me.'

'Sure I did,' he replied cheerily, causing Sophia to look up at him with confusion. 'I said, "Could say the same to you" – it may not have been the answer you were looking for, but it was an answer.'

Sophia gave him a disparaging look. 'You know very well what I meant – what were you doing out in the castle?'

'Ah, well,' he began as the confident air slipped away, 'now, don't get mad, but I'm just getting back from a detention.'

She eyed him suspiciously, trying to work out why she would get mad for him having a detention. When her brain finally cottoned on, she didn't know whether to feel angry or despondent.

'What did you do?'

'Well – I didn't start it, it was Snape. I saw the looks he was giving you through Potions, and then, in Arithmancy, he was being even more of a git, and I guess I just saw red.' Sirius sounded like he thought she should be grateful for his behaviour.

'You still haven't answered my question – what did you do?' She had decided that she was angry, and she spoke through a clenched jaw.

'I sort of ... hexed him under the desk,' he muttered. Sophia let out a sigh, but didn't speak as she stared into the fire. 'Please, Sophia – don't be mad at me.'

'Why shouldn't I be mad? I specifically asked you not to do anything like this, but you did it anyway.' She didn't look at him because she knew he would be looking at her with his grey eyes sincere and pleading, which she knew she would find impossible to resist; she wanted to stay mad at him for a little while longer.

'Well, see, I knew you would say that, but you see, no one knows why I hexed him, and he's not going to tell anyone the real reason, is he? So, to the rest of the class, it won't really be out of the ordinary. Everyone in this school knows that Snivellus and I don't get on. Us hexing each other isn't that out of the ordinary, is it?' She allowed herself to look at him this time, and, sure enough, she melted under the look he was giving her.

'I suppose you're right, but please, next time, just try to ignore him, will you?'

Sirius raised his hand to his forehead in salute to her; with a smile, he said, 'Whatever you say.'

She turned her attention back to the fire, and they sat in silence until Sirius spoke again.

'So, how has today been?' he asked quietly, looking at Sophia out of the corner of his eyes as he studied his fingernails.

Sophia paused to think before answering. If she was honest with herself, it had been one of the worst and longest days in her life. However, she decided to continue with her strategy of brushing the issues under the carpet – after all, how could she talk about all the thoughts swimming through her head if she herself couldn't make any sense of them?

'Well, it's been okay,' she replied, trying to muster a convincing smile; seeing the look on Sirius' face, she realised she hadn't been so successful. She sighed softly and looked at him. 'I'd rather not talk about it to be honest – can we leave it for tonight, please?'

Sirius gave her a small smile and nodded gently, seemingly content to sit in silence for another few moments, allowing her to return to thoughts. She shifted her body, placing her feet up on the sofa and sandwiching her right hand between her knees while her left hand held her ankles. She didn't notice Sirius studying her as she sank further into her trance-like state.

'Does it hurt?' she heard him ask softly. She looked at him blankly for a moment as she tried to register what he was asking. 'Your arm – does it hurt?' He pointed to her exposed forearm, where the five deep purple bruises were surrounded by a halo of green and yellow. She removed her right hand and held it up to examine it herself.

It did look pretty disgusting, she would admit, but it was only sore if she touched it. Sirius held out a hand to her, obviously with the intent of looking at it more closely himself, and she obliged, placing her wrist into his outstretched palm. He studied it closely in the dim light, and she noticed how he handled her wrist – not so tightly as to cause her any discomfort, but not so loosely as to be barely touching her. He ran his free fingers over it gently, but stopped the moment she winced.

'Bastard,' he muttered shortly. Sophia tried to take back her arm, but Sirius maintained his grip, raising his eyes to meet hers again. 'Sorry,' he said softly, 'I just can't help feeling angry when I think about what he did to you, the pain he's caused you ...'

As she looked into his eyes, she saw the fire behind them that told her he would like to do serious bodily harm to Rosier given half the chance, but then they softened, and she saw the concern for her that filled him. Not able to hold his gaze any longer, she cast her eyes downwards and waited for him to release her arm again, but he didn't.

'Do you want me to stay with you again tonight?' he asked softly.

Sophia was stunned by his offer, but thought about it for a minute – on the one hand, she very aware that she had hardly any clothes on and felt highly uncomfortable being dressed like this in front of him; on the other, she was desperate to feel his arms wrapped round her again as he protected her from everything that scared her.

In the end, the latter thought won out, and she gave a small nod. Sirius said nothing as he let go of her wrist and took off his jumper. He transfigured it into a blanket which he flicked out over himself. He lifted up the side by her and opened his arm, inviting her to come close to him again as she had done the previous night. Without hesitating, she scooted down the sofa and placed herself under the blanket and in his arms; they slept until the morning.

The title for this chapter comes from a song called 'Uncomfortably Slow' by Newton Falkner (who is one of my favourite singer/songwriters in the world - the guy is just an amazing talent). A video of the song can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4HNNuFf9nA, and the lyrics from the chorus are:

'Don't take my photograph,

I'm just moving uncomfortably slow.'

The whole song, but particularly that bit, I think, sums up how Sophia feels during this period.