Chapter Twenty: Ginny's Revenge

Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to JKR. Only the plot shenanigans are mine.

Chapter Twenty: Ginny's Revenge

"Oh, bloody hell!" Hermione screwed up the parchment she had scribbled on and tossed it into the fire.

"Problem, my dear?" Severus looked up from his marking and watched his wife taking her agitation out on her curls.

"No. Nothing. Just an unexpected result." She stood and gathered her papers. "I... er... just have to go and check something in the library. I'll be back soon." Dropping a kiss onto his once again bowed head, Hermione left the room with as much calm as she could muster.

Five minutes later, she was at the entrance to the adult students' quarters, knowing a certain red-haired witch was likely to be found within. Knocking on Harry's door, she rolled her eyes as she heard a muffled whispering and rustling – teaching Ginny some Privacy Charms had just moved to the top of her to-do list.

Harry poked his head around the door. "Oh, Hermione, it's you. What's up?" First years caught out after curfew were more convincing than his attempt at innocence.

"Oh, give over, Harry. Can I speak to Ginny, please?"

The door was pulled open further as the girl herself appeared.

"Hi, Hermione. Just ignore Mr Embarrassed here. We weren't doing anything... much."

Hermione grinned at Harry's red face. "Of course you weren't. Can you spare a few minutes? My old room?"

"Okay. Come on then." She turned to her boyfriend. "Be back in a few minutes, love – just hold that thought." She winked at the hapless wizard as she closed the door and followed Hermione into the now empty bedroom.

"All right. What drags you out of your dungeon lair and your husband's arms at this time of the evening?"

Hermione suddenly found her hands fascinating. "Well... I don't know what to do. I was feeling sick after dinner and, after a few calculations, I realised..."

Ginny clapped her hands in delight. "Hermione, you're pregnant!"

"How did you know?"

"What other calculations would bring you up here so close to curfew? So, have you told him yet?"

Hermione face crumpled as she wailed, "No. I don't know how to. He didn't want to get married, and we've finally sorted out how we feel about each other, and how can I have a baby so young, and what if he doesn't want it, and..."

Ginny silenced her with a finger to the distressed witch's lips. "Hush. Breathe, Hermione. Slowly. There, now just sit down and relax. Better?"

Hermione nodded.

"Now, remember your wedding day?" asked Ginny, taking her friend's hand. "Remember how you decided to go through with the Ministry vows to have Severus's children, even though you knew it was no longer needed?"

"Yes. But that was when we knew I was planning to use Muggle contraception at first. We didn't intend to start right away."

"Maybe not, but the thought of having children with you wasn't a problem for him, was it?"

"No. I suppose not."

"And you both knew you had to start sooner rather than later to ensure you conceived boys rather than girls, didn't you?"

"Yes, I know... but, Ginny... I'm scared a baby will spoil everything. It was so perfect. We love each other; the sex is amazing; even the other students seem to have recovered from the shock. Am I selfish to have wanted to have him to myself for longer?" Guilt creased her brow as tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Of course not, love. But remember, you have another eight months together before you're due, and after that I'm sure there'll be plenty of house-elves willing to help watch the baby. And before you protest about using house-elves, they adore babies and will probably fight over who gets the chance to be your nanny."

"Are you sure, Ginny?"

"Absolutely. Now, when are you going to tell the father-to-be?" She placed her hands on her hips and fixed her sternest expression on her face.

Hermione's watery smile was reassuring. "Not just yet. I'll have to see Poppy Pomfrey first to confirm my suspicions, and she's away for a few days looking after her sick sister. I promise, as soon as she returns I'll see her, and then I'll tell Severus."

"Good enough. Meanwhile, I had an idea about how to get him back for his trick at dinner, but I'll need your help..."

Severus was perplexed, although he hid it from his wife. Her behaviour had become erratic over the previous two days, at times even a little irritable. Of course, he wasn't about to complain about the way she made up for any short words with an apology, usually followed by a satisfying period of kissing and fondling, but he knew something was bothering her. He just did not know what.

In class, Hermione had been distracted, mind obviously not completely on her brewing. Caught between his need to prevent an embarrassing mishap and his concern, he remained silent but vigilant.

Studying her surreptitiously as he pretended to mark student essays, he could see the subtle signs of anxiety in the teeth chewing her lip, the fingers fiddling with her hair, and the slight crease of a frown on her usually smooth forehead. About to relinquish his pride and ask for an explanation, he stalled as a soft knock sounded on the door.

After letting Ginny in and inviting her to sit on the couch, Severus returned to his unfortunate students' essays, questions held in abeyance until later.

"Did you say anything to him?" Ginny whispered.

"No. Not yet. I told you; I'm waiting until Poppy gets back," Hermione hissed back.

"Okay, okay. I thought she might have been back by now."

Severus looked up from his pile of essays and lifted an elegant brow.

"If you two young ladies are going to whisper about me, I suggest you do not do it while I'm marking seventh-year essays. I might be tempted to find a particular essay and treat it accordingly."

"Oops!" Ginny giggled.

Hermione shook her head. "You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?"

"No, darling, because then you'd have both Ginny and me to answer to."

Severus threw up his hands in feigned terror. "Merlin save me!" He dipped his quill into his favourite inkpot and picked up another parchment. "Now, go away and conspire against me elsewhere."

Hermione seized the opportunity to drag Ginny into the bedroom before Severus thought to ask any awkward questions.

"Perfect!" Ginny grinned as she fingered Severus's teaching robes, slung carelessly across the bed beside a pile of freshly laundered shirts and socks.

"What are you up to, Gin? You told me you needed to get access to his robes... No, on second thoughts, I don't want to know."

"And you don't need to know. It would spoil the surprise. Go and find something to do in the bathroom for a minute or two, will you?"

"Nun sacciu, nun vidi, nun ceru e si ceru durmiv," quoted Hermione, closing the bathroom door firmly behind her as Ginny raised her wand.

"Okay, you can come out now!" Ginny called several minutes later.

Hermione peeked around the door, relieved to find her husband's robes had not turned into a lurid shade of pink. In fact, they looked perfectly normal. "What did you do?" she asked.

"You'll find out." Ginny flashed an evil grin. "Now, let's go and see if your beloved has made the tea yet."

Arm in arm, they returned to the sitting room to find the teapot hot and their cups set out ready to be filled.

"It's so lovely to see a well-trained man, Hermione. Do tell me your secret." The snooty voice and tipped-up nose were perfect.

"Oh, it's a simple matter of keeping him satisfied in the bedroom, my dear. Plenty of fellatio and the occasional helping hand in the shower keeps one's wizard in top form." Hermione giggled as a blushing Severus nearly snorted his tea through his significant facial appendage.

"Do you mind?" he pleaded. "It's bad enough knowing you share everything with this dreadful girl without the details being discussed as if they were the latest fashion trend." In truth, he was willing to sacrifice a little dignity to see the return of a relaxed smile to his witch's face.

"Don't worry, Sev. I'm sure you're in no danger of becoming trendy." Ginny finished her tea and passed behind Severus's desk to return her cup to the tray. Glancing at the parchment he was marking, she narrowed her eyes and poked him in the shoulder. "Oi! That was uncalled for. There's nothing wrong with my conclusion there, you old git!"

Severus smirked as he Vanished the scathing comment he had written on Ginny's essay. "I know, but I had you going for a minute there."

"Prat!"

"Brat!"

"That's enough! You really are like a pair of school children," Hermione scolded the grinning miscreants.

"Oh, you're no fun, Mrs Snape," Ginny complained. Leaning forward with one hand in her pocket, she ruffled Severus's hair. "Night, Sev. Oh, and remember, when you least expect it, expect it!"

"You don't scare me, girlie." Severus looked pointedly at the clock. "Hmm, five minutes until curfew. I might have to make a start on my rounds and see if I can catch any Gryffindors out where they shouldn't be."

"Or you could stay here, and I could work on training you a little more," Hermione suggested with a lick of her lips.

Ginny escaped with a chuckle as Severus conceded to his wife's sterling idea. Tomorrow would be soon enough to find out what was afoot.

Severus's mood was deteriorating rapidly as he strode down the corridors towards lunch. Not only had Hermione disappeared to Merlin knows where before he awoke, but his robes seemed to be malfunctioning. Instead of billowing dramatically in his wake as usual, the hem intermittently floated up in a most inelegant manner. After the third student giggled as he went past, Severus's recently acquired tolerance dissolved in a fit of temper.

"Five points from Hufflepuff for lack of respect towards a teacher, Mr Withers!" he snapped.

An outbreak of laughter from behind had the Potions professor whipping around, wand drawn. Three Ravenclaw fifth years were doubled up behind him, clutching their stomachs.

"You find Hufflepuff losing points amusing? Perhaps five points each from Ravenclaw might put things into perspective," he sneered.

"Er... sorry, Professor Snape, sir," gasped one of the guilty trio.

"See it doesn't happen again." Severus stalked off towards the Great Hall, ignoring the snickering from the Fat Friar as he floated past.

He slumped into his chair and glared at Minerva, who had had the temerity to snort into her glass as he rounded the staff table. "Has everyone gone completely barking today, or have I missed something?" he asked of the table in general.

"Oh, I'm sure whatever it is will sock you in the face eventually," Rolanda Hooch replied.

When the entire staff table erupted into gales of laughter, Severus turned to meet Hermione's gaze from the Gryffindor table. Her shrug of equal incomprehension did nothing to alleviate his suspicion that somehow, somewhere, a redheaded fiend had been up to mischief. The fiend herself gaily waved at him and winked.

It was hardly reassuring.

Having suitably cowed any passing students by way of his favourite glare, Severus slammed the door as he entered the classroom where his eighth-year students were waiting.

All was quiet.

Glancing around the room with a suspicious frown, Severus walked up to his desk and began writing the day's assignment on the blackboard. Usually, he would use his wand for the task, but a nagging urge to tempt a student into an indiscretion had him leaving his back to the class.

Still nothing.

"Well, what are you waiting for? The potion won't brew itself," he snarled as he sat behind his desk.

Twenty minutes later, the familiar sound of knives chopping, liquids simmering, and rods stirring had lulled Severus into a false sense of security. Gliding around the room, he spotted Ron Weasley about to add black beetle eyes to his potion.

"Weasley! What are you doing?" he barked.

The redhead jumped and dropped the beetle eyes into his brew, then watched, fascinated, as his potion bubbled violently and thickened into a virulent green sludge. He shrugged. "Not black beetle eyes, then?"

Severus smothered the desire to use his tongue for its second most pleasurable activity. "No, Mr Weasley. Perhaps you should spend more time reading the instructions and less time planning your weekend activities."

Ron felt the chill of his professor's tone despite his temperate words. Not for the first time, he inwardly thanked Hermione for her presence in the class. "Sorry, sir," he mumbled.

"You should be apologising to your housemates for the ten points you have just lost Gryffindor." Severus turned on his heel and returned to his desk, but did not reach it before a sudden outburst of laughter erupted from around the room. Spinning back to face the class, he scowled at the loudest group. "And ten points each from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw!"

Renewed hilarity greeted his words as he heard a hiss from behind him.

"Stop taking off points!"

Severus leaned over Hermione's shoulder as she valiantly strived to hold in her mirth. "And why should I do that, Mrs Snape?" he murmured in her ear.

"Just... trust... me..." she forced out between unladylike snorts of suppressed amusement.

Sighing, the beleaguered professor turned to his class and shouted over the din. "Detention for the last person to finish their potion. With Mr Filch. I want this classroom empty in ten minutes!" He retreated to his desk and spent the rest of the lesson pondering untraceable poisons he could use on the ginger menace.

A/N: "Nun sacciu, nun vidi, nun ceru e si ceru durmiv." This is a famous Mafia quote: "I know nothing, I saw nothing, I was not there, and if I was there, I was asleep." What can I say – Hermione's a well-read witch.

Thanks to karelia, my wonderful beta.