Chapter Three: A Rock and a Hard Place

Chapter Three: A Rock and a Hard Place.

Hermione entered the Potions classroom the next day with trepidation. Unsure how the Potions master would react after their conversation the evening before, she busied herself at her desk and avoided eye contact with the man. Once her potion was under way, she surreptitiously glanced up at the front desk to find Snape watching her. His mocking eyebrow sent a blush racing to her cheeks and her hands reaching for the next ingredient. It became obvious as the class proceeded that he was avoiding her as he prowled around the classroom, much to her chagrin. With no way to tell whether he was considering her offer or highly offended at her presumptuousness, her faith in the soundness of her impulsive petition was eroding minute by minute.

Handing in her completed potion, Hermione was startled when Snape briefly touched her hand and murmured, "My office, this evening, eight o'clock."

She nodded briefly and left, unsure of what to think. Was he planning to accept her petition or cast it aside and take his chances with the others? She snorted at the thought of Snape walking arm-in-arm with Dolores Umbridge. If nothing else, she had a duty to prevent the travesty of having that woman back at Hogwarts.

"So, what happened in Potions?" Ginny whispered as she seated herself beside Hermione at lunch.

Hermione explained what had happened. They both discreetly checked out the staff table where Snape was involved in a discussion with Professor Flitwick, back obviously turned away from Sybill Trelawney who had, for once, made an appearance.

"Looks like she is trying to stake a claim," giggled Ginny.

"And not getting very far," replied Hermione. Looking over at the Slytherin table, she saw Millicent Bulstrode eyeing up the Divination professor with a scowl. "Just as well Bulstrode doesn't know I am competition as well; I wouldn't like to run into her in a dark corridor."

"Oh, tosh! You can out-hex that hippo with your eyes closed and your hands tied behind your back," Ginny declared. "I can't see how he can choose anyone but you, Hermione. I think you have really done it now."

"Unless he gets a better offer," her friend answered.

That afternoon in her free period, Hermione used all she knew about the Potions master to run some Arithmantic calculations on the likelihood of a successful marriage. To her surprise, she and Snape were rather well matched, far more so than when she tried Harry, Ron, and Neville's names for comparison. That was, of course, unless he had some weird kink she was unaware of or strange, mad relatives tucked away somewhere, or... She shook her head. Best not to think about it too hard.

At least Ron had started talking to her again. He had suddenly realised he was getting all sorts of attention from girls that he had not had before, and, to him, three years was an eternity. He was planning to enjoy the benefits of the new Marriage Law and worry about the down side in three years time. Boys. They were so fickle.

Hermione spent the rest of the day immersed in her classes, having pushed all thoughts of Snape and marriage firmly to the back of her mind with an admonition to stay put and not cause any distraction. It was only marginally successful.

Two minutes to eight came and found Hermione poised outside Snape's office door, ready to knock.

"Enter!"

She opened the door with a quizzical look on her face. Snape smirked a little as he looked up. "You are so predictable, Miss Granger."

Disgruntled, she briefly scowled in his direction and baldly stated, "You wanted to see me, sir?"

Several minutes passed as he finished marking the essay in front of him. Placing the quill carefully on the desk, he met her gaze and simply said, "Yes."

"Yes? Yes, what?" She was confused.

"Surely, Miss Granger, you have not forgotten already? Yes. Much against my better judgement, but in view of the unconscionable alternatives, yes, I will accept your offer. But with certain provisos."

She sighed with a relief that surprised her in its intensity and then frowned as she caught the last of his sentence. "Provisos?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. Provisos. Conditions. Small print, as it were." He steepled his fingers together as he gazed at her seriously.

"What are they?"

"Firstly, you will continue to live in your current room. I will not have a teenage witch's belongings cluttering up my living quarters. Secondly, marital relations," he said this last with disdain, "will only occur when absolutely necessary to fulfil the obligations foisted upon us by the Ministry. Thirdly, there will be no fancy wedding. This is an unfortunate necessity, not a celebration. Fourthly, I will not treat you any differently and expect you to address me as Professor Snape in class. It would not do to have discipline suffer." He stood and began to gather up the pile of essays from his desk as if to dismiss her.

Hermione bristled, her pride offended. "Just one moment, Severus Snape. Unless you wish to discover the delights of Dolores Umbridge's body, I suggest you think again. Firstly, if we marry, I will live with my husband and share his bed. I will not be subject to the gossip living apart would create. Secondly, sex will occur, and you will enjoy it. Get over it; it is likely to happen often. There has to be some advantage in this arrangement, even if it is only physical pleasure." She smirked at his shocked expression. "Thirdly, well, actually, I quite agree about the wedding; I always thought they were overrated. Lastly, I will address my husband by his first name, or any other name I choose, in class or out of it. The other students will just have to get used to it, Sevvie, dear."

They stood and glared at each other for long moments. Hermione thought at first she had pushed the stressed wizard too far, but Snape finally lowered his gaze and ground out, "Fine. Have it your way. I was trying to make it easier for both of us."

"Trying to make the marriage work would be easier for both of us," she replied gently, almost flinching at the stunned look on his face as he looked up at her words. "It doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know."

"Well. That will no doubt become clear one way or the other in due course. Now, we have to inform the headmistress," he replied.

"Oh, fuck," she muttered as he swept past her.

"Language, Miss Granger."

"That's Hermione to you," she retorted tartly. She could have sworn she heard a muffled snort from the man walking in front of her. Perhaps he has a sense of humour after all. It just may take a little excavating to find it.

Trailing the Potions master by several yards, Hermione contemplated his reaction to her show of temper. It was the first time she had ever seen him back down in a confrontation. Filing that piece of information away in the Ways to Manage Snape compartment newly installed in her brain, she hurried to catch up.

As they entered the headmistress's office, Snape murmured, "Let me do the talking."

Hermione was more than happy to let her new fiancé take the lead in that particular conversation.

"Good evening, Severus, and... Hermione?" The headmistress looked a little startled. "What can I do for you?" she asked as she waved them into the comfortable chairs beside the fireplace and seated herself.

Snape cleared his throat and began. "Minerva, as you are aware, Miss Granger here has managed to create chaos once again with her latest project." He ignored the filthy look his bride-to-be threw his way. "Chaos in which I have found myself embroiled."

"Yes. The new Marriage Law. I am aware that it affects you, Severus, and rather more immediately than any of the students here. However, Miss Granger is not to be held accountable," she warned in her most formidable tone. "She merely brought the problem to the notice of the Ministry. Their reaction was entirely their own decision."

He brushed her explanations aside with a wave of his hand. "Be that as it may, the fact remains I now have four petitions for marriage, of which three are totally unacceptable. I have come here this evening to advise you of my choice."

"I appreciate you wishing to keep me informed, Severus. But what has this to do with Miss Granger?" Minerva asked.

"Firstly, you need to know the names of the other petitioners. Millicent Bulstrode."

Minerva frowned. "That would be highly unsuitable, Severus."

"Indeed. Sybill Trelawney."

"Poor Sybill, she has rather fancied you for years. But, no, I can see why you do not wish to entertain her for a bride."

"Umbridge," he spat.

"Never! That woman is not getting her claws into you, Severus, even if I have to marry you myself!" The headmistress's lips drew into a fine line of disapproval. "So, who is the fourth? Surely, someone more acceptable?" She looked at Snape and then at Hermione, eyes widening as she finally realised the implication of the latter's presence.

"Unfortunately, Minerva, you are a little outside of the Ministry's preferred age range. However, to my great relief, Miss Granger has seen fit to put herself forward as a potential bride." He steadied Minerva as she swayed a little.

"Oh, my goodness gracious. Hermione? What have you done, girl?"

Hermione looked her Head of House in the eye. "Only what you yourself offered just a moment ago, Professor. I could no more condemn Severus to marriage with any of the other three than you could."

"Severus?"

"Yes, Severus. He is my fiancé now. I hardly think it would be appropriate to be referring to him as Professor Snape." The girl stood tall and straight, unwilling to back down now the decision had been made.

"Well. Appropriateness has certainly flown out the window. Hermione, you realise you will have to consummate this marriage?" The older woman's concern was genuine.

"Yes, of course. I have no problem with that," she reassured.

"I, however, do," added the man in question. "You must realise, Minerva, the idea of bedding a student is something I would normally never consider. The thought is repugnant."

Minerva smiled faintly at her colleague. "Yes, I am well aware of your high moral standards, Severus, but she will be your wife, and as this whole affair has been brought about to comply with the Ministry's own law, they can hardly have any issue regarding your relative statuses at this school. I would suggest, however, that Hermione's work is graded by an external expert, to avoid any complaints of favouritism."

Hermione snorted. "I doubt that would ever be an issue, but I can see some people may not agree." She noticed the headmistress's worried look in Snape's direction. "Don't worry, Professor. I'll be gentle with him. I have had some experience."

"I don't imagine a few fumblings in dark corners with Weasley would count for much," Snape sneered when Minerva was distracted by the arrival of a house-elf to clear the tea things.

"Ron? I admit, we tried to have a relationship, but it was just uncomfortable. He is too much like a brother to me."

"Potter, then?" Snape's curiosity overcame his desire to avoid the subject. Just where had the girl obtained her experience?

"Harry is Ginny's. She would kill me if I went near him. No, it was a Muggle boy I met in Australia over the summer. Just a summer fling. I learned a lot." She smiled mischievously at Snape as an idea blossomed. "I'm sure with a little practice, you could keep up." Leaning across him, she whispered a few suggestions in his ear.

His cheeks stained red as she then ran her hand deliberately down his chest and abdomen under cover of her own robes and brushed the promising bulge she discovered in his pants.

"Best you learn how to use that," she murmured, sitting back in her own seat as Minerva turned back to the conversation.

Snape stared at her, disbelief sweeping across his face at her impertinence. The witch had touched him. Voluntarily.

The headmistress appeared satisfied. "Well, Severus, it appears you may have met your match"

"Quite," he replied, adjusting his trousers discreetly.

"Now, we need to organise the date of your wedding. Or will it be a full Wizarding binding?" She bustled about her desk, gathering parchment and quills.

"A binding is more permanent, isn't it?" Hermione asked, the siren replaced by the irrepressible know-it-all.

"Yes. A binding is a magical procedure which is irreversible. The witch and wizard are joined for life." Minerva smiled at the thought.

"I don't think that is appropriate," Snape interrupted. "A basic exchange of vows will suffice."

"I agree," added Hermione. "Let's keep this as simple as possible. Now, you have until the fifth of February to get married." She delved into her bag and found her schedule. "Does the thirtieth of January suit you, Severus?"

He frowned and shook his head. "That is the date for the Slytherin versus Gryffindor Quidditch match. I would need to be available to watch my house that evening."

"Then it will have to be the twenty-third," she announced briskly. "Who do we need to ask to perform the ceremony?"

"We do not have any choice," her fiancé snarled. "A Ministry official has to preside, presumably to cast the monitoring charms to ensure we are performing as required." The last words dripped with disdain; the invasion of their privacy an anathema to the reserved wizard.

"Well, I suggest we give them plenty to think about." She grinned wickedly. "They will soon get bored if we are shagging like bunnies all the time."

Snape groaned, his mortification at Hermione's words evident once again in his flushed face. Minerva covered hers with her hands, trying hard not to laugh at her Potions master's discomfort. He really did need a good witch to sort him out, and it looked like he was about to get one.

"I shall inform the Ministry," said Minerva once she had regained her composure. "I presume this office will be suitable for the ceremony?"

"It will be adequate," Snape replied.

"I suggest you two take the opportunity over the intervening time to meet and become better acquainted. In less than two weeks, you will be living together. Perhaps a discussion or two on expectations would be in order," Minerva recommended. "Will Severus's current quarters fulfil your needs, Hermione?"

Hermione was tempted, but refrained from rolling her eyes. "As I have not yet seen his private rooms, I cannot possibly comment, Professor."

"Then, Severus should take you there now, and while you are there, perhaps you can set up a time to meet again."

"Certainly, Headmistress," Snape replied sardonically. "Come, Miss Granger, it appears we have a date to arrange."

Prompt: 1. Something Old. The Marriage Law Challenge. Many thanks to karelia for the beta.